an: hope you guys enjoy this chapter 3
song for this chapter: louis armstrong – what a wonderful world
1914
i hear babies cry, i watch them grow
they'll learn much more than i'll never know
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world
There was nothing Roy wanted more than to collapse into his soft, warm bed, with his wife in his arms, and sleep his troubles away. His footsteps were heavy as he climbed the steps, his fatigued muscles quivering as if he was climbing up a mountain, rather than a staircase. He couldn't wait to shut off his mind and stop thinking about the military and his grand plans and contingency plans for a couple of hours. It would be bliss.
It was his nightly ritual to stop outside Mia's bedroom door and take a peek inside. The massive hulking bear she'd received for her birthday startled him, just like it did every time he poked his head into the room at night. Mia was sound asleep, cuddled into Mr. Brown the Bear. Her face was half hidden in his worn fur as Roy watched on, waiting to confirm that her chest was rising and falling with her breath. Once satisfied she was breathing normally he closed the door behind him.
He was silent stepping into his own bedroom. The creaking hinge did not betray him and Roy moved smoothly as he crept inside. Roy took quiet and careful steps into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Adrenaline on high, he let out a breath of relief after his successful voyage past the two sleeping forms.
Maes was a little terror. He slept for most of the day and woke up to fuss through the night. He gurgled for food but hardly took any when Riza offered. Having a clingy baby was wearing on them both. Whenever Riza got up through the night, Roy did too. They both woke to Maes' single anguished cry at the same time, Riza up and out the bed before him to see what their son needed. The boy was completely nocturnal and was slowly turning his mother that way too. They'd quickly learned that she had to sleep when he did in order for Riza to get some kind of rest, but even then, Maes slept an hour and was up, slept three then woke for another feed. It was exhausting.
Roy had suggested the idea of moving Maes onto bottled milk so he could at least help out a little. That hadn't gone down well at first. Riza was adamant and insisted they didn't need it yet. However, she was wearing thin. Getting no restful sleep and shouldering all of the responsibility of Maes on her shoulders was getting to her. It was clear as day. Roy felt guilty. It had only been a week or so after Mia was born that he returned from Ishval. In the beginning, Riza was probably used to being the only one who looked after their new-born. But he was here now, and wanted to extend his help. Pushing too much would cause an argument, however, and that would just pile on more stress for Riza. Roy didn't want that. He was struggling, seeing symptoms of postnatal depression settling in, but unable to help or ease her pain.
Stepping out into the bedroom, Roy noticed Riza was turned towards him. Her hair had been tied up in a bun to keep it out of the way, but now stuck out all over the place as it rubbed over her pillow in her sleep. Roy wondered if her stress throughout the day had anything to do with that too. Dark circles were present underneath her eyes, one hidden from view because it was buried into her pillow. She looked exhausted even when she was asleep.
Sliding in beside her, Roy stared down at his wife. A strand of hair had fallen against her cheek. Noticing how greasy it looked, Roy pushed it gently aside and vowed that tomorrow he would pry Maes from her as soon as he could, leaving her free to go and have a long, relaxing bath. It was his day off so he was going to bond with his son. A smile spread across his face. Roy couldn't wait.
Peeking over Riza's shoulder, Roy checked on Maes. He was sound asleep as he lay on his back. One arm was up by his head, his tiny fingers clenched into a tight fist. His little legs kicked out in his swaddle and he let out a small noise. Roy froze.
Don't you dare wake up, kid, he warned inside his head. Holding his breath, Roy waited, but Maes settled and was quiet.
His whole body sagged in relief.
But it was short lived. Roy closed his eyes, feeling his exhaustion already carrying him off to sleep, when a sharp cry sounded from the crib.
Riza's eyes popped open without hesitation and she rolled away from Roy immediately.
"I've got it –"
She didn't even hear Roy speak. Riza continued moving forward to pick up Maes. Her shoulders were drooping, her speech slurred with sleep as she cooed at him gently, practically begging him to calm himself and sleep.
"Riza –"
She started to walk out the room to Maes' nursery, either oblivious to him or just too tired to focus on anything else.
Stepping in her path was the only thing Roy could think of to get her to listen and notice him. Riza jumped in fright right before she walked into him. Slowly, Roy placed two hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze to try and bring her back to him.
"I'll take Maes," he offered quietly.
"But –"
"Riza, please. Let me see to him. You can go back to sleep."
"If he's hungry –"
"I will come back and get you I promise," Roy vowed, soothing her. "But you're tired. I can go and find out what he needs."
Maes was handed off to him as Riza trudged back to bed still looking half asleep. Roy chuckled as she flopped down, cuddling back into her pillow.
"Looks like it's you and me tonight, Maes," Roy whispered. He placed a kiss upon his son's forehead as he slipped out the room. The creaking hinge was back and surprised Maes with the sudden noise. Roy felt him jump in his arms.
"Sorry, buddy," Roy whispered while Maes let out a disgruntled sound.
Stepping into the nursery he could easily make his way around Mia's old bed without kicking it. They'd stored it there because the nursery was large enough to have a single bed in it as well as everything they needed to care for Maes. Since it had been Mia's old one, the springs were broken after she'd jumped on it too many times, but it was still a bed. It was still warm and comfortable.
Moonlight bathed the nursery in a silver glow and Roy was half tempted to leave the light off and enjoy the atmosphere, but he needed to see what he was doing. Especially if he was changing Maes. One time he'd forgotten to arrange his nappy properly – "frills on the outside!" Riza always reminded him – and he urinated over Roy, leaking through his nappy. Riza found this hilarious but Roy didn't mind too much. It was the most he'd heard her laugh since Maes was born.
"You've been giving Mummy a bit of a hard time," Roy cooed, brushing Maes cheek with his finger. "But we still love you very much, Maes. So we're going to have to work on that a little bit. I need to be better too," he added, "Mummy always said I slept like a log and not much could wake me through the night but I want to be awake for you."
Maes was laid down on the changing table. He yawned and blinked his dark eyes awake, staring up at his father. Roy placed both hands on either side of his son, leaning over him so he could marvel at every movement. His hair had looked black when he was first born but it was taking on a lighter tone as the weeks progressed. It was starting to look brown and Roy hoped it would continue on that trend or turn blonde. It almost matched the colour of his eyes. They were a deep chocolate shade, taking more after his mother than him. Roy grinned down at him.
Maes blinked once before his head cocked to the side. As time dragged on, Maes' face scrunched up in discomfort.
"Okay, Maes. Let's see if you need changed."
He did. Triumphantly, Roy changed his son and eased him into his chest once it was over. Patting his back gently, Roy bounced Maes from side to side and prayed that would calm him enough to get him back to sleep.
Maes did fall asleep. He was sound in Roy's arms, his tiny head resting against Roy's shoulder.
"Yes," Roy celebrated with a quiet laugh.
Pausing at the door, Roy had a thought. He almost returned to his own bedroom when he spied the bed out the corner of his eye again. It would be perfect for the thought that just occurred to him.
Grinning, Roy walked down the stairs to their darkened living room to ease Maes in his portable sleep basket. Having it meant they could transport Maes around the house easily and keep him in the same room as them while he slept. Roy carried it back up to the nursery and placed it by the side of the old bed.
The sheets smelled slightly musty after not being stirred for a long time. Roy wrinkled his nose as he climbed in and made a mental note to change and wash them in the morning.
This way, if Maes woke up again, it would let Riza sleep in peace.
Roy fell asleep with a smile on his face, proud of his idea. He was just so clever.
Dawn light filtered into the room, stirring Roy awake. He'd forgotten to close the curtains during the night, but that was okay. It was still the most rested he'd felt in a long time.
As he settled back into the pillows, opting to try falling back asleep, he heard the door open slowly. Riza peeked inside, her hair piled back up on top of her head, but much neater this time. Her eyes were wide as she searched for them both, expression softening when she and Roy made eye contact.
"Morning," he whispered, sleep clouding his voice. Clearing his throat, Roy's eyes fluttered closed.
"Good morning."
Her voice was bright and cheery. It made him crack his eyes open again to observe her. He hadn't heard her talk like that in a long time. Getting more sleep last night had been good for her.
The door closed behind Riza quietly and she leaned against the wall beside it to watch Roy wake up. "Did you steal our child away from me?" She was joking, a smile spreading across her face as she crossed her arms, waiting on his answer.
"I did," Roy admitted, "because you need more sleep."
"So do you," she countered lightly. "You've been up the same amount as me."
"Yeah, but you've been doing most of the work," Roy yawned quietly, careful of waking Maes. He'd slept for – Roy craned his neck up to check the clock on the wall – six hours.
"Did he get up again?" Her arms uncrossed as she pushed off the wall and walked towards Maes' sleep basket.
"No. Six hours," Roy announced with a chuckle. "That's some kind of record for him." Another yawn left Roy as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.
"I wouldn't get my hopes up."
"I'm not, but I can't help but feel proud of him," he grinned sleepily.
Riza gazed down at Maes, smiling. When she was looking at him, not much could tear her attention away. Roy could sympathise. Often, when she did stare, Roy would watch her instead. He noted the way her face softened completely with her love. The muscles of her face relaxed and a sigh of content passed over her lips.
The sleepless nights and the fatigue were worth it. It always would be for their children.
"I could stare at him forever," she murmured quietly, running her fingers gently through Maes hair. It was so long but wispy, holding no real substance to it. Most of the time it stood on end from static, despite their best efforts to smooth it down for the kid. "This was a good idea, though," Riza nodded towards the bed. For a brief second she wobbled on her legs, catching herself on the edge of the sleep basket.
Roy's hand extended towards her, palm up, with a silent offering. Riza took it, expecting him to help her stand, but Roy tugged her over to him instead as she laughed quietly. Riza fell into his lap. Her legs hooked over the side of his so her cheek was in front of him. He couldn't resist placing a kiss upon it.
"How are you feeling?"
"Still tired," Riza admitted, resting her temple against his forehead gently as they both looked down at Maes. "But, I do feel more rested than I have in weeks."
"You can go back to bed if you like?"
Her head shook negative. "He'll want to be fed and Mia –"
"I can keep an eye on them," Roy interrupted softly. "Go back to bed."
"I won't be able to sleep," she sighed.
"Try it," he offered casually.
Her head lifted, shooting him a sideways glance. "Is this your plan to get me to rest more?"
"You deserve it," Roy countered. "You carried Maes for nine months and birthed him. I think it's time I stepped up to the plate."
Riza chuckled, patting his cheek. However, her hand lingered, turning his head so they were directly facing one another.
"First you steal my son away from me, and now you're pushing me away from seeing him?" Her smile was wide, eyes twinkling with amusement and mischief. Oh, how he had missed that look on her. So much.
"Never." His answer was absolute before he pressed a firm kiss to her lips, looping his arms around her hips to give them a tight squeeze. "I just want you to take care of yourself too," he reasoned.
"I am," she assured.
Roy's eyebrows almost lifted to his hairline, making her huff in mock annoyance.
"It's not been that bad," she replied, but grimaced at her poor lie.
"It has been," Roy corrected.
"Yeah, it has," she replied glumly. It held a lot more sadness than Roy was expecting, causing concern to flourish slowly inside his heart.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just…" A deep sigh left Riza, her chin dipping as her temple rested back against his forehead once more.
"What?" He squeezed her hips, prompting her to continue.
"I didn't expect it to be so hard. Mia wasn't this bad and…" A deep sigh left her. "I guess I feel guilty for thinking about taking a break. They're my kids and I don't want to need a break from them."
"I know."
"I need sleep. I know I do. But…"
"How about you feed Maes," Roy offered hesitantly, his brain whirring to try and find a compromise she'd agree to, "while I wake Mia up and get her ready. She's going to my mother's today so it will just be the three of us. I can do some bonding with Maes while you go for a nap?"
A tired smile was thrown his way and Roy counted that as a success.
"Thank you," she breathed. Her eyes closed with relief.
"Anything for you. You know that," he whispered against her temple, kissing her there. "And anything for them."
Glancing down, the two parents watched Maes begin to stir.
"He's so tiny."
"I know, I can't believe it," Riza giggled. "Hard to think Mia was this size too once."
"That felt like just last year, never mind six years ago."
Riza nodded, sliding off his lap. She crouched to pick up Maes.
In that moment, Roy had never seen a more endearing sight. Riza pressed her lips to Maes' forehead. She held him close against her chest, rocking him from side to side.
"What?"
He'd been caught staring, but Roy just grinned. "I'm just thinking about how beautiful you look."
Riza snorted gently. "I'm a mess."
"You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
A pleased smile tugged at her lips but Riza fought it. However, it did spread, and she let out a light laugh as she shook her head fondly at him. "You're biased."
"Me? Never," he exclaimed, rising from the bed. Roy's hand found his son's head and he pressed a kiss to it. "I'll hop in the shower then see if Mia is awake."
"Take your time," Riza replied distractedly, her full attention back on Maes.
He grinned as he left the room, catching the serenity and love filling her expression as she rocked Maes.
"Morning Daddy," Mia greeted sleepily.
"Morning, Mia Bear." Roy perched on the edge of her bed, stooping to press a kiss to her forehead. It made her giggle and squirm away from him. "How do you feel today?"
"A little sleepy but I'm excited!" Her face lit up, her mouth forming a wide smile.
"Yeah? And why is that?" Roy folded down the sheet, giving her a chance to slip out from underneath.
"I get to go and see Grandma today!"
"She's as excited about it as you are."
"Really?" Mia latched onto Roy's hand as they walked towards her wardrobe. It was only five steps or so but she still clung to him.
"She is," he confirmed. "It's been a little while since you've both gone on a day out together."
"Yeah… It has."
Roy was immediately on alert. He picked out the hint of sadness in Mia's voice and the way she trailed off. He crouched, turning Mia to face him. His eyes narrowed playfully, but his stomach twisted. He'd caught the forlorn look on her face before it turned into a giggle.
"What?" At least her sadness had disappeared, but Roy hadn't wanted to see it in the first place. He wondered if his suddenly formed hypothesis was correct…
"What was that long face for?" He reached forward and 'caught' her nose in between his thumb and forefinger, pretending to wiggle it gently before letting go.
"What long face?" Her reply was so innocent that Roy wondered if he'd imagined it for a second, but there had definitely been something there.
"You sounded and looked sad for a second."
Mia's smile fell.
"Is everything all right?"
Mia's chin tucked into her chest slowly as she looked down at the floor.
"What's wrong?" Roy prompted her gently as he made himself more comfortable in his crouch. He waited patiently for her answer, giving her all the time she needed.
"It's nothing. But it has been a little while since we've done something cool and fun together." Her admission was so quiet as she toed at the carpet nervously beneath them.
Mia was feeling left out. The realisation hit Roy like a truck, and he could see why she would feel that way. Maes took all of their attention recently and while they desperately tried to find a balance, it hadn't been enough. They hadn't been good enough for her.
His arms opened and Mia stepped into them eagerly. Her small hands clutched at his t-shirt, hanging onto it.
"Mummy and I love you so much, Mia Bear," Roy promised, giving her a squeeze. "Believe me, we really do. And we're so sorry you've been feeling left out."
"It's okay, Daddy."
She takes after Riza far too much.
"No," Roy shook his head as he pulled away from her, "it's not. It's made you sad and that's not okay. Maes is only little so he needs a lot more attention from us, okay? He's a fussy baby," Roy added with a tired smile, "and keeps us up all night."
"He does?" Mia's eyes widened in surprise.
"He does. So we've been really tired, but that's not an excuse. We didn't mean to make you feel left out."
"I haven't heard him at night."
"Good," Roy commented, ruffling her fringe. "He doesn't need to keep you up too."
Face screwing up in irritation, Mia reached up with two hands to smooth out her fringe while Roy just laughed at her reaction.
"It might take a little while for everything to go back to the way it was before Maes was born, but it will, I promise. He'll get older and things will get easier. You've been a very big girl throughout it all though." She had. This was the first time he was hearing of any jealousy or her feeling left out compared to her sibling. "And we're so proud of you. If you feel that way again, can you please tell me or Mummy?"
"I will," Mia nodded confidently. Her arms were thrown around his neck tightly, almost knocking him over with the force of it. "Thank you, Dad."
"Any time, Mia Bear. And thank you for being so understanding."
"Anything for my baby brother," she grinned happily.
She skipped up to her wardrobe doors, pulling them open wide while Roy rose from his crouch. He felt so proud of how understanding and caring she was, however, they needed to do better by her too.
He'd call his mother while Mia was eating breakfast and ask Chris to spoil his little girl today. Not that that wouldn't happen already, though, but he'd ask Chris to take her to the toy shop to buy whatever she wanted on him.
