Smut alarm.


2 Winter, Year 3

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It's the second night that I can barely sleep. When my alarm goes off, I crawl out of bed, go check on the animals, and look at the clock to find it's nine am. Harvey would come by 10. I get back into bed for another hour.

I wake up very warm and comfortable and kind of doze contentedly. Then my brain starts ringing alarm bells. I should've been woken up by my alarm clock. What time is it?

I grab my phone from the night stand and then realize there's something else than just blankets clinging to me. I turn my head to find Harvey behind me. In my bed, wearing only boxers.

My brain short-circuits.

"I'm sorry," he says pleasantly. "I knocked on the door and you didn't open it, and I didn't see you anywhere on the farm... I got worried. So I came in. I have the impression you didn't sleep much last night."

I am nearly ready to burst out crying and laughing at once. I don't know what to do with this adrenaline.

I do check my phone, because a kind of feel like an idiot now for having picked it up. It's noon. I put the phone back and snuggle into Harvey's arms.

"Two nights," I admit. "Thank you so much for not just leaving."

"I have a good guess as to why you haven't been sleeping. Me leaving would only make it worse, I reckon." He plants a kiss on my bare shoulder. I become acutely aware of his arm around my waist, his cool skin against my back. Something itches in my stomach.

I also realize that I smell like sweat and it probably couldn't hurt for me to brush my teeth again. I had been planning to shower before he arrived. I start getting up.

"I'm gonna go take a quick shower. Should've done that before. Just hang in there, yeah?"

"Don't be long."

I can feel the wide, goofy smile on my face as I race to get soaped up but I can't do anything about it. I'm back out of the bathroom, still drying off, in less than five minutes. I am completely fresh and awake now – the adrenaline hasn't abated. I'm also completely hard, and something inside me is trembling again.

Harvey is still in the bed, waiting for me. I get back under the covers with him and hug him tight, burying my face in his chest. I can feel through his boxers that he is also hard. I want to move things along, but I don't really know how to start.

"Harvey. I want you inside of me."

"I know," he says soothingly, "and we're going to make it happen, but we're in no hurry. I'm going to take my sweet time."

I'm not sure if it's what he says that does it, or his tone, which is soft in that way that I imagine a wolf would talk to a hare. I shiver with anticipation.

"And I," he goes on, "want you to lie back and relax. If anything happens... if you're not sure about something, if I do something you don't like, if you want to stop, if something hurts –"

"I'll tell you. Don't worry. Thanks for mentioning it, but I would have anyway. If I don't tell you I don't like something, then it's on me if you keep on doing it. You can't read my mind."

"Evan, where have you been all these years?"

"Spangle Street 64, Zuzu City," I answer without missing a beat. "My parents live like three blocks away from the university. Stupid, huh?"

Harvey kisses me – possibly to shut me up. He pushes me backward so I end up lying on my back and slowly rubs my chest.

"Just so I won't have to go looking for it later," he says then, "you said you use vaseline?"

"I actually bought real lubricant," I grin, turning around to get it out of the night stand. "Like a year ago when I was visiting my parents."

"Okay. We'll leave this within reach..." He puts the bottle down on the night stand and bends down to kiss me again, in earnest this time. He starts rubbing my chest again, squeezing my nipples when he comes across them. I can feel his boxers and the beast hiding in them against my thigh. My heart rate picks up quickly, I can feel it in my throat. And somewhere else.

Harvey moves away from my mouth, planting sloppy, open-mouthed kisses on my throat, my shoulder, my chest. He laps at one nipple with his tongue, then keeps on rubbing it with his thumb while he moves over to the other. After a while, he comes back up to kiss me – he's moved over to my other side – and lets his hand roam down my stomach.

With the first touch I feel on my penis, I nearly jump. I'm so horny, I don't know what to do with myself. He just rubs it up and down as it lies pulsing against my stomach and I moan into his mouth.

He pulls away from me just to look at me. Harvey likes looking at me. I look up at him, waiting for what he'll do next. The expression on his face makes my throat feel dry. I swallow hard.

He takes my penis in his hand and starts pumping it slowly. My eyes close all on their own. I surrender to him and just take it, feel it; every other breath becomes a hum. He switches up what he's doing every now and then, changing grips – whole hand, just two fingers, firmer or gentler – but he never goes any faster. He's driving me crazy.

"Harvey," I say finally, "please."

He bends down to kiss me, never pausing his hand.

"I need you very aroused," he explains earnestly.

"Don't worry, I am," I chuckle. "Stop stalling."

"Very well."

He grabs the lubricant and crawls over to sit between my legs, getting rid of his boxers on the way. I've seen him a lot by now, but I can't deny that his size worries me a little. The first thing he does, though, is bend down. He peppers my stomach in kisses and then moves on to do the same with my penis. Then my balls.

Then he goes further down, has me pull my legs up, and puts his mouth on my anus.

"Woah," I breathe, taken by surprise. I hear him chuckle. And he's doing... stuff down there, I can feel him working, but this doesn't strike me as particularly pleasurable, just... kind of weird. I don't really dare mention it – I have a feeling that this isn't just something you do with any random guy, and I absolutely don't want to come across as ungrateful. He notices, though, because I also don't want to fake anything. He sits up.

"Evan? Are you still awake back there?"

"Yeah... I am."

"This doesn't do much for you?"

"Sorry, I don't really..."

"Don't be sorry. Everyone has things that work for them and things that don't. For all I know, the appeal of this stuff is in the anticipation. You don't even know what to expect."

I feel him circle my anus with one finger. Still just weird. He picks up the bottle of lube.

"This should work," he mutters, squeezing some of it out onto his fingers. He puts the bottle down and puts his clean hand on the back of my thigh. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

I feel the finger again, coated in cold lube this time. It pushes inside slowly. I lay my head back on my pillow, doing my best to relax. My senses are on high alert, but it still only feels weird – no pain, but no pleasure either. He pulls out and goes back in a few times until it goes smoothly, and then pushes in deep and stays in. I can feel his finger twitching inside but nothing seems to be happening; I'm just about to ask what he's doing when a jolt goes up through my spine, making my muscles tense and my penis bob.

"Oh!"

Harvey holds still, apparently unsure if this is good or bad.

"Do that again?"

He makes a single movement and immediately I get another surge. I moan with it, then laugh in pure relief.

"That's amazing."

Harvey's wide smile is coming back.

"That's your prostate," he explains matter-of-factly. He pulls his hand back, then pushes back in with two fingers, starting slow. I can feel a stretch but still nothing painful. He starts pumping my penis with his free hand while thrusting the other in and out of me, at the same rhythm. I let my eyes close and hum with some enthusiasm when he reaches my prostate again.

I can feel his fingers pull apart, pulling me open wider.

"Talk to me, Evan. Are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm starting to feel a bit cheated. Women always say this hurts," I joke.

"Believe me, it can. I'm being very gentle," he says, eyes focused on what he's doing.

Damn, I shouldn't have said that. I really just wanted to let him know I'm not feeling any pain.

I push myself up, trying to figure out a way to kiss him in this position. He catches my drift and comes forward, leaning over me. I try to pour all my love into this kiss.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm so lucky that I found you," I whisper, caressing the little hairs in the back of his neck. He smiles at me.

"You're a sweetheart, Evan. I'm... really glad you came along."

Satisfied, I lie back and let him do his thing. When I can take three fingers easily, he leans over again to kiss me. His clean hand comes up to rub my nipples.

"I'm going to go in," he warns.

"Okay."

"You're okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Deep breaths and relax for me."

I nod as he sits up, try to control my breathing as he moves closer. He grabs the bottle of lube again. I can feel him at my entrance and try to look.

"Relax, Evan. Look at me."

I lay my head back and focus on his face. He holds my eyes with his own as he starts moving forward, so slowly. His penis is wider than his three fingers, and I can feel myself stretching further, but – miraculously, by this point – there's still no pain.

"I'm fine," I tell him, before he can ask – I know he will. "It doesn't hurt."

A small smile flashes on his face. He stops, pulls back a little, then pushes further inside. As he thrusts ever deeper, his expression changes, all worry replaced by something intense and all-encompassing. By the end, his eyes are barely focused anymore.

"Sweet... Yoba," he mutters as he bottoms out, breathing quickly. Then his gaze comes back to my face.

"I'm okay," I repeat. "Feels... really good. You can move."

He shakes his head with short, quick movements.

"Sorry, I need a minute."

It's so unexpected I have to laugh. Maybe it's also just the release of the tension, I don't know. I pull him down into another kiss and he wraps his hand around my penis again and uses the lube he still has on his fingers to pump it. I moan into his mouth; what he's doing feels stronger than normal, amplified.

When he has a handle on himself again, he starts thrusting, slowly and gently at first and then, when he's sure that I'm fine, he ups the rhythm. I feel so full it's ridiculous, even if he doesn't bottom out completely on most thrusts. I am overwhelmed, I can't think, my mind is engulfed in pleasure, I'm moaning almost constantly. My hands are balled into the sheets. And all the while he keeps masturbating me.

"Harvey... Harvey, I'm gonna –" I don't even manage to reach the end of the sentence. My own semen splatters all over my stomach.

"Yes!" Harvey shouts as if in answer, and on the first thrust he dives into me, deeper and harder than he has the whole time. I jump in pain.

"Ah!"

His next thrusts are a lot shallower, but he is coming, he can't stop completely.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." he pants, running out of steam.

"It's okay. It's okay."

He doesn't really respond to me, just stops talking. He doesn't really talk while we stay where we are catching our breaths. Doesn't really talk while we both get in the shower, me first, and when he gets in I explain how the knobs work because that always involves some figuring out when it's someone else's bathroom.

I'm sitting on the table, figuring it might be time to shell out for an extra chair, when Harvey comes back out of the bathroom and still doesn't really talk.

"Well, I... should get back to the clinic, Maru will be waiting..."

I don't really know how to react. He waits a few seconds and starts moving for the door. I still am not sure what's going on, but I'm not going to let this pass just like that. As he moves for the doorknob, I go over – it only takes me three steps – and lean on the door with one hand, closing it again. Harvey looks at me, half over his shoulder, with his worried look on his face. I don't even know what to say; I have to search for words for a few seconds. I figure I should start with the most immediate thing.

"You're hurting my feelings, Harvey."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I... What can I even say. I don't dare look you in the eye. I know I promised I wouldn't hurt you. I swear I didn't mean to..."

I take a deep breath and let it out as a heavy sigh.

"Well, now at least I'm sure I understand what's going on. Could you... please sit down, I left the chair free for a reason."

He looks like he wants to protest further, but seems unable to find something he hasn't said yet. Head low, he sits down.

I wonder if his parents taught him that. He looks like he's expecting me to hit him, or at least expecting a sermon.

I squat down in front of him, take both his hands in mine and leave them entangled on his lap, and look up at him. He looks lost for an interpretation now.

"Harvey. You did all you could to prevent hurting me physically, and I have the impression that was a great success. I am not angry with you for that. In fact, I am not angry, period. It hurt a little bit, it just surprised me a lot, and I didn't even feel that anymore a second after. Everything was going well. You couldn't possibly expect that to hurt me anymore. What I was... annoyed about, and confused, mostly, was you walking out on me and barely even looking at me anymore. If you do that, you make a person feel used. Now, with that, I hope we both understand what's going on?"

I don't really need to ask the question – his eyes have gone wide with understanding, and a slightly less grave form of horror.

"Oh, Evan, I'm such an idiot."

"I disagree, but go on."

"I just... don't... what happened? What was it exactly that hurt?"

"Just that one hard push, all the way inside, and just for that one moment. It was gone immediately. It wasn't even really strong, just... I think it may have been too deep too fast. You weren't going all the way in most of the time. I assume it was just the force of the orgasm that made that happen. You know, combined with the fact that nothing had happened that might give you reason to worry about it the whole time. Right now, I am really just wishing I had met you... just... my life ago. I've been missing out on so much! I really just wanna do it again," I chuckle.

"Really?" All I can see on his face is wonder now.

"Harvey... I don't mean to be offensive here, but are you deaf? Didn't you hear all the noise I was making? I told you I'd be sure to let you know if I didn't like anything. All of that was absolutely not pain." I half-stand up to kiss him, enthusiastically. "I love you. Just, you know... communication? You not even looking at me when you believe something has gone badly comes across really bad."

He stands up, drags me along with him and hugs me tightly.

"I swear I will. I'm so sorry. I love you."

"That's what I like to hear. Also... I think Maru will be fiiiine in the clinic on her own. Cuddle with me?"

Harvey looks at me like it's the first time he sees me.

"The way you ask for that with no ounce of shame, it's... unheard of, for me. How are you so... uninhibited?"

"I think it's going to come down to my parents not punishing me for doing that. Speaking of which." I think about my priorities for a moment. "Are you opposed to cuddling?"

He chuckles and comes with me back to the bed. I get myself all the way wrapped up in his arms.

"Winter is normally the time I go visit my family in the city. No crops to worry about. I ask Marnie to look after my animals for a few days, and I do the same for hers if she's away. It's the easiest way to make it work. So now... I know you're probably not immediately going to be okay with this, with the clinic and all, and it's absolutely no problem if it isn't this year, but it's just that I want you to know... I'd like you to come with me. Sometime. If you... feel like it."

Harvey doesn't answer for a few seconds.

"You want me to meet your parents?" he summarizes.

"Essentially, yes."

"Isn't that... really soon?"

"I don't really know. I've never had a lot of friends, but the ones I had, they always knew them. But as I said, if it doesn't... fit for you, for whatever reason, that's fine. There's still next year, or the year after that, for that matter. It's not about their opinion of you or anything like that."

"Then what?"

I'm a bit taken aback at this.

"Because... I'm used to them knowing my friends, for one. My parents are important to me, I like them to know other people who are important to me, and I like those people to know them, and preferably we would just all get along, and stuff. Either way I'm absolutely sure they're going to love you, but even if they didn't, that would mean nothing to me. I love you, and I want to be with you. But there's no pressure. You say no, it's no, and there'll be more years we can do that."

"When are you going?"

"I'm thinking next week. The week after is fine too, I just want to be back before the Feast of the Winter Star. I can arrange with Lewis to be assigned a secret friend before I leave."

"Let me get back to you about this. I'll let you know before Friday."

"Okay."