Chapter Forty: Smile Like You Mean It

Kachi awoke with a start to the sound of thunderous knocks upon the door to his room. His head shot off the desk, ears pointed straight up and on high alert. The canine's chest heaved as his breathing quickened, and he felt his heart beating in his throat once the knocking finally came to a stop. He stared at the door just off to his right, wondering if whoever were knocking would come in, or if they'd just stand there…silent as the knocks echoed in his mind.

As the silence persisted, Kachi looked around him. A sudden pain shot through his neck, causing him to wince as he lifted a hand to it. Having woken up seconds ago, it became clear to him that, at some point, he'd fallen asleep at the computer desk. Either that, or the loss of blood had finally caught up with him. It didn't matter either way; he didn't remember falling asleep.

"What?" he called out unceremoniously, returning his gaze to the desk.

Joining his neck pain shortly after was a splitting headache, eliciting a deep growl from the canine. Kachi gripped his head with both hands, leaning upon his elbows as he shut his eyes tight and hoped it would go away soon. The knocking upon the door recommenced, rendering his efforts to alleviate the throbbing behind his eyes completely meaningless.

Kachi creased his brows, turning to face the door again, "What?" He raised his voice a little, the growl persisting as he waited impatiently for a reply.

Glancing back down to the desk's surface, he saw the notebook he'd written in the night before. Kachi was instantly flashed back to what he'd written, recalling the pure grief, frustration, and sadness that he'd spilled onto the pages. A quiet sigh left his lips as he shakily reached for the book, opening to the first page.

The handwriting was somewhat legible, with clear signs that he'd stopped and restarted multiple times with how the pen's ink stained the page. It soaked into them, creating star-like dots across the surface. Each letter, a black constellation against the white sky behind it. Around the edges, small red splotches were visible among the words.

Seeing the blood stained onto the paper, Kachi quickly closed the book. Just as he feared, the table was stained with it as well. His heartrate only increased as he looked to his arms, remembering what he'd done. He'd gone further, with the cuts being the longest and deepest they'd ever been. A shaky breath escaped his lips. Someone was just outside, and he had no way to clean his mess.

Kachi tried to calm himself with deep breaths but doing so only made him realize just how dire his situation was. Not only was there blood on the table, but the scent of it filled the air around him. The familiar iron smell made his stomach turn, and seeing it spread across the table and dried into his fur wasn't helping.

It's everywhere.

"Kachi, it's almost three o'clock…you've been in there since last night…are you okay?" asked the voice, concern evident in his tone.

Kachi sighed, realizing that it was just Legosi, though the more he thought about it, was it really any better than if it was Shen? He struggled to keep his breathing steady as he forced his eyes away from the desk. Taking the book into his hands, he carefully replaced it back behind the computer monitor.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he returned, his voice still broken from the night before.

Yet another silence fell across the room as the canine searched for something, anything to clean the desk's surface with. There were no towels, tissues, anything of the sort anywhere in the room, and the realization of such a fact was causing Kachi some mild panic. Desperate, he glanced downward at himself, focusing on the loose-fitting shirt draped over his torso.

"Can I come in?" asked Legosi suddenly, shocking Kachi back to reality.

He processed the words the wolf spoke. Legosi wanted in. Should he let him in…Kachi didn't even want to imagine his reaction. His anxiety spiked as he realized that there really was no way to turn the wolf away without seeming suspicious. With what happened with Bradley, as well as with the book…he wanted to stay as far away from the topics as possible. There was no way to turn Legosi away without seeming suspicious…but it didn't mean Kachi wouldn't try.

"No, you can't," stated the canine, a little more aggression present in his tone than he would have liked.

A moment passed between the two canines. In that time, Kachi hoped Legosi would respect his wishes despite the anger in his voice. As he heard the wolf shuffle behind the door however, his hope began to fade.

"Um…why not?" he continued, his tone shifting from one of concern to one of confusion.

Thinking quickly, Kachi concocted an answer, "Because I'm getting dressed." Glancing over his shoulder, Kachi noticed that his bag of clothes wasn't even in the room.

From behind the door, the wolf scoffed, "What? Come on, we room together at school I've seen you at less than decent." Kachi heard Legosi's claws against the metal knob. A second later, he heard the door latch open.

As the door opened a crack, Kachi leapt from his position and put his entire weight into the door, forcing it closed again. Legosi yelped as he took a step back, the door almost hitting him square in the nose as it slammed shut right in front of him. Kachi panted, adrenaline filling his blood as he pushed back against the door.

"Kachi, what are you doing?" shouted Legosi, trying again to open the door.

Kachi resisted, continuing to hold the door shut, "Leave me alone!" His tone matched Legosi's in volume, and his voice strained with every word.

Moments later, it became clear to the canine that Legosi wasn't about to give up. The wolf persisted, and with every push he gave, Kachi fought back with equal, or even greater effort. Though, he knew he didn't have much left to give. He felt weak, his legs shaking as he struggled to keep the wolf at bay. Paired with the carpet having no grip, Kachi felt himself begin to slip. Legosi was winning.

As Kachi held his breath, giving every ounce of strength in his body to keep the wolf out, his vision began to darken. Still, he endured, despite the dizziness, the nausea, and the tearing he felt on his arms; the fur around his cuts had been matted down around them. Finally, the need for air overcame his ability to resist it. Kachi collapsed to the ground and Legosi pushed through, triumphing over the canine.

As Kachi caught his breath on the floor, Legosi reached for the light switch next to the door frame. Warm, orange light soon filled the room, the brightness causing Kachi to groan and shield his eyes momentarily, "Ugh, what is wrong with you?" Kachi sat himself up, still rubbing his eyes.

Legosi crossed his arms, his brows folding as he stared down toward Kachi with an expression he didn't often see on the wolf's face: anger, "What's wrong with me? I don't know what's wrong with me, but I do know this: I had to fight with myself all night last night over whether to check on you." A growl was audible in his tone as his voice grew louder.

Kachi tilted his head in confusion, leaning back onto his hands as the wolf bore down on him, "Huh?"

"At first, I was worried you'd be upset with me and push me away Then, as I lied awake and unable to sleep, I realized something. You were gonna push me away regardless, and it was me who was letting you. I came here to help you, and the only thing preventing that this whole time has been me. Well, no more. No fucking more!" shouted the wolf, his voice coated with spite.

Kachi had never seen Legosi as livid as he was then. It reminded him that though he came off as somewhat of a gentle giant, he was capable of anger just as ferocious as any other wolf, or carnivore for that matter, was capable of. Kachi's jaw hung open as he lifted a hand to interject, "Legosi, I-"

"The second I saw the blood, the second I smelled it on you…I knew something was wrong. But I let my perception of you keep me back. I didn't want you to snap at me for caring. Well, I don't care about that anymore!" he continued.

Kachi shrank deeper into the carpet, staring back up to Legosi with a look of worry. A wave of shame washed over him as he pondered the words the wolf shouted. He couldn't deny that he was more than a prick when he first arrived at Cherryton, but had he really been pushing him away?

To him, at least, it wasn't the case at all…but that wasn't for him to decide, and clearly, Legosi had reached his wits end. Even the calmest of creatures had a breaking point, and Kachi's actions were enough to bring the anger out in the calmest person he'd ever known.

"I-"

Before Kachi could even try to apologize, Legosi knelt, cutting his sentence off. Though the quiet growl continued at the back of his throat, his expression softened, if only a little bit, "I know you think I'm lying; I've said this to you before. I-"

The sudden stop mid-sentence caught Kachi completely by surprise. If that wasn't enough, the expression on the wolf's face certainly did the trick. The growling stopped, and Legosi's brows creased further as he shifted into a more upright position. He took a deep breath in through his nose, closing his eyes to focus on the scents he picked up on.

A few seconds passed as Legosi repeated the process again, this time taking a few shallower breaths instead of one deep one. His eyes shot open suddenly, the same expression of worry on Kachi's face appearing on his own. Kachi took a breath in too, immediately picking up on what the wolf had found.

There's an iron smell of blood in the air…

Kachi lifted a hand to try and explain himself to Legosi, but right as the words landed upon his tongue, they dissolved. He closed his jaw, turning his gaze to the floor as he reflected silently on what he knew was about to happen. There was no point in trying to explain away what he'd done. With all he'd done…it was only a matter of time before he got caught.

Legosi stood back up, following his keen sense of smell toward where the scent he'd picked up on was strongest. He turned his head to the right, staring off toward the computer desk. His eyes narrowed has he stepped forward, the scent continuing to intensify until he arrived in front of it. Glancing down, Legosi fell silent. He'd found the source.

From the look on the wolf's face as he stared, transfixed by what he'd seen, Kachi could see the wolf was beyond worried…he was distressed. Legosi stepped back, his arms falling limp to his sides. He blinked a few times, his jaw hanging open from speechlessness. He turned his head back to Kachi; lost and confused.

"Did your cut bleed that much? Why didn't you cover it?" asked Legosi, struggling to hide the panic in his voice.

Kachi lifted a hand to his face. The cut he'd sustained from Chris' attack had scabbed over, matting his fur down and creating a rough texture across his cheek. His face stung slightly as he ran his fingers across it, his claws hitching on the fur that had been caught in the wound. Until that moment, he'd completely forgotten that it was even there.

Legosi's distress only deepened as he caught a glimpse of Kachi's forearm as he touched his face. He leaned in closer, unsure if it was what he thought it was. As the light shone down upon it however, his fears were confirmed. Three large gashes, like the one across the canine's cheek, stood out against his black fur. The only difference was that the ones on the arm were much, much deeper.

With a sudden motion, Legosi reached out to grip Kachi's wrist. He held it close to him, scanning over the surface of his arm with better light. The wolf's breaths became uneasy as his mind was taken over by dark imagery. He released the canine's arm, Kachi returning it to his side shortly after.

Kachi averted his eyes, no longer able to meet Legosi's gaze. His mind raced, filling with scenarios. In each one, the wolf had a different reaction, and with it being his own mind, he couldn't help but focus on the worst case.

Slowly, Kachi picked himself up from the floor. He kept his gaze to the floor, remaining silent as he clasped his hands together in front of him. With Legosi's previous outburst still fresh in his mind, he dared not look up. He feared what he might see. Kachi tried to steady himself, but even with the deep breath he'd taken, he still felt just as uneasy as he did since waking up.

"I…I'm sorry, Legosi…" he said softly, his voice broken.

"I-I don't…understand. I…Wha…Kachi…Why? I knew you were feeling depressed…but not that you felt it enough to do something like this…" whispered Legosi, his voice low. The shock and fear in the wolf's tone were hard to miss. Kachi continued to stare toward the floor, regret filling him.

"I'm sorry…" he repeated, a more complex explanation escaping him.

Legosi sighed, "How didn't I pick up on this…How?" Legosi's brows creased as he reached out and gripped Kachi's shoulders, forcing Kachi to look back up into his eyes, "How long?"

Kachi raised an eyebrow as he felt his heartbeat quicken, "What?" He hadn't expected Legosi to become physical with him.

The growling had returned, this time much more noticeable on Kachi's end. Just as he did before, Legosi bore his fangs, and the bubbling in his throat sent shivers down the canine's spine. The storm in the wolf's grey eyes was raging, and it appeared that Kachi was stuck directly in its path.

"How long has this been going on?" shouted Legosi, unable to keep his frustration under wraps any longer. He gripped the canine's shoulders more firmly and shook him, desperate to get through to Kachi.

Kachi felt his heart beating in his throat as the wolf stared down angrily at him. His chest heaved with every breath he took, and he felt himself trembling in Legosi's grip. He tried to come up with something, anything to reply to the angry wolf with. Any and all words dissolved the instant they touched his tongue, and he soon found himself stammering.

"I-I-"

"Well?" added Legosi as he leaned in closer, the two canines' noses mere inches from each other.

Kachi gritted his teeth as he felt a growl of his own growing at the back throat. It surprised him, as it was completely involuntary…just as the one he produced when Chris attacked him was, and just as he did the night previous as well, he felt threatened. His brows creased.

"Back off," he warned, lifting his hands and pushing Legosi backwards, causing the wolf to relinquish grip from the canine. Once freed, he immediately felt himself calm down. As his brief fit of anger faded though, he began to feel tears gathering in his eyes.

Kachi's shove seemed to bring Legosi somewhat back to Earth, his growling coming to a stop and his eyes widening from shock. He stared, frustrated, toward Kachi, who was still trying his best to remain composed from the wolf's sudden verbal, and later physical assault.

"No, Kachi, I'm not going to back off because honestly, I'm scared…Every time I gave you space you hurt someone. I guess now we can add you to that list now, too. What's worse is, since you won't talk to me, you're making me feel like it's my fault.

"I know you're hurting, Kachi, but I can't keep this to myself anymore. Is there something I did to make you not trust me? Do you still not see me as a friend?" ranted Legosi. The wolf's tone softened throughout the speech, his anger dissipating, and the true concern he felt for the canine finally pulling through.

Kachi looked back up toward Legosi, his own expression having softened as well. Hearing the admission from the wolf sent waves of guilt through his body. He sighed, rubbing his upper arm, "Legosi…I do trust you, and I do see you as a friend…but this business of mine…has nothing to do with you."

"I know it has nothing to do with me, but I still can't help but be worried for you, y'know? It's why I'm here…I just wanted you to be okay…" said Legosi softly, his ears falling flat against his head. The silence that followed hung heavy, the traffic beyond the closed window able to be heard perfectly.

Kachi let his arms fall to his sides, another deep sigh leaving his lips, "Legosi. I never wanted you to follow me home. I told you that I had to do this alone, regardless of the outcome…I'm sorry if I made you upset. It was never my intention." He turned his gaze away from the wolf, guilt washing over him again.

"I know, but that doesn't make it any better. Yeah, I know I followed you. That's because I knew something was going to happen. Looking at you now, as well as what's happened over the week…it seemed I was right. You have nothing to apologize to me for, it's my own fault for letting my head get in the way of trying to help you," argued Legosi.

The wolf took a step forward as Kachi lifted his head back up from the floor, their eyes meeting once again. The canine's blue eyes glowed in the light, but not for the right reason, "Still, Legosi. I'd ask for help if I wanted it…"

"Would you really?" replied Legosi suddenly, causing Kachi to slump slightly as he pulled his gaze away. Legosi shook his head, realizing that he had to keep himself calm…for Kachi's sake, "Doesn't matter…It's gotten well beyond the point of just asking. You need help. Since the very first cut you made…Hell, since I brought you home drunk from Nevers Peak. You needed help then, and you definitely need it now." Kachi slowly lifted his head back to meet the wolf, "I know I'm not your therapist, or counselor, or whatever he goes by, but you need to talk about this."

Kachi shook his head, pulling his arms into his chest, "I don't want to. Not with you."

While the words hurt, Legosi knew he couldn't force the canine to talk. Nothing good would come of it; it'd probably just make it worse, "If not me, then who? Your Dad? Witt?"

Kachi shook his head again as he leaned against the wall next to him, "Definitely not Dad…I don't want him to ever know what's going on with me. As for Witt, well, he's miles away." Kachi rolled his eyes, "Not like we're going back any time soon, anyway. We still have a week and a half of break."

Legosi shrugged, tilting his head, "You have his number, don't you?"

"No way in hell I'm calling him. I'd rather just wait," Kachi huffed.

Legosi sighed, putting his hands into his pockets, "Well, what do you want to do, then?"

Kachi looked over Legosi's shoulder and into the hallway beyond, his brows creased, "I'll just talk to him once we're back at school."

Legosi sighed, crossing his arms. As much as he wanted to take the canine's word for it, a part of his mind told him that, should something else happen afterwards, it would be on him for letting Kachi go, "I'm sorry, Kachi. I don't believe you."

Understandably, the canine's frustration returned. He pulled himself away from the wall, stepping forward and staring straight into the wolf's grey eyes, "Why? Do you not trust me?"

After a moment of searching for the right words, Legosi gave up. There was no point trying to sugar-coat it, he'd already gotten too far into the topic. Instead, he shook his head, shrugging his shoulders as he removed his hands from his pockets, "I thought I did, but then you went and did…that." With his hand, Legosi motioned towards Kachi's arms.

Instinctively, Kachi ran his fingers over the wounds, feeling their rough texture once again. His jaw hung open, but the words never came. He stared down at the floor, kicking idly at the carpet beneath his feet.

"I-I guess I just figured…I'd notice if you were…acting or feeling differently. I guess I'm not as perceptive as I thought I was," Legosi dejected, "Either that, or you're just too good at hiding it." Legosi also looked toward the floor, waves of sadness and concern crashing over him.

Seconds later, Kachi lifted his head again. Seeing the wolf in his current state didn't sit well with the canine, as he knew that all the stress and worry he felt was by his hand. More tears began to gather in Kachi's eyes as he pressed his back to the wall and stared up to the ceiling.

A shaky sigh left him as he slowly lowered himself into a sitting position, causing Legosi to turn his gaze back toward him. Legosi tilted his head, confused for a moment, but as soon as he caught a glimpse of the expression upon Kachi's face, that's when he realized something was wrong.

Kachi's chest heaved with every breath as he struggled to keep composed. He still didn't want to talk, but he knew should he remain silent, another breakdown would be imminent, "It just hurts, Legosi…all of it. I don't know what to do other than take it out on myself. I hurt Bradley. I hurt Pina. I don't want to hurt the ones I love anymore, so I guess I just turn it on myself.

"I want to stop, but every time I feel like I've moved on…there's something else. My family split...my hybrid biology…Mom's lies…and what happened last night…it all just compounds and compounds," ranted Kachi, his voice breaking more with each sentence.

There's the whole thing with Dana too…but I can't tell him that…so really, there's even more. It all just adds up and I don't know when it'll be too much.

Hearing Kachi vent to him absolutely tore Legosi apart. As the canine sat, huddled into himself against the wall, Legosi wanted nothing more than to just take everything that was hurting him away. He approached Kachi, kneeling next to him, but resisting the urge to touch him. As the canine stared into the carpet, Legosi stared into his big blue eyes. They were shining, but just as they did before, it was for the wrong reason.

"I…I want to help…the best I can. Even if I can't make everything go away. I want you to trust me with your feelings. I'm a broken record at this point but I'm here for you. If you feel it's getting heavy, put that weight on me," he whispered, hurt clear in the wolf's voice.

While Kachi focused on his breathing, struggling to keep it at a steady rate, the canine didn't even realize that tears were streaming down his face. He only picked up on it as the cut he'd received from Chris' attack began to sting again, little jolts of pain shooting across his face with every second.

Kachi knew it was going to be very difficult to keep how he felt to himself. Though he'd told himself, as well as Legosi, that he didn't want to talk about it, he was unable to keep his mouth shut and had let it all spill. Another shaky breath left the canine as he found it harder to keep composed. It was just what he needed to hear.

"I'll try…I-I'll try…" said Kachi softly, feeling his voice break and his body tremble with every word.

Legosi reached out, placing a hand onto the canine's shoulder. He, too, felt how much Kachi was shaking, "I know it's not easy, but- anytime you feel any negativity coming back, just let me know and I'll drop everything. If we're out, pull me aside. Somewhere we can be alone. I'm sorry if I ever seemed unapproachable to you. I know it's tough with me being a wolf, but-"

"It's not your fault," Kachi interjected, a few sobs escaping his chest, "You were always approachable…I was just too stubborn, too afraid to say anything. I just kept pushing it all away hoping it would disappear. All that did was multiply it…and…"

Kachi stopped, trying to catch his breath as more sobs were caught in his throat. Even though he was talking about it, it still hurt. That, and he didn't want to have himself unravel in front of Legosi. He didn't need it.

Watching the canine struggle was painful. His heart ached more with every tear he could see rolling down his face. Almost involuntarily, Legosi leaned forward even further, pulling Kachi into a tight hug and eliciting a quiet gasp from him. The wolf felt the embrace returned presently as he heard more soft sobs leave the canine.

"We'll put this behind us, okay? I'll be here for you throughout," whispered Legosi, tracing small circles on Kachi's back to comfort him.

"Okay…"

"And…you should consider telling Witt about this. You don't have to tell him now, but once we get back to Tokyo…" continued Legosi, closing his eyes and resting his head next to Kachi's

"I will. I promise…As long as I have you…" he said, tightening his grip around the wolf's torso. Feeling Legosi's warmth enter him aided him in calming down somewhat, but though he got some things off his chest, it was far from everything that was bothering him.

He recalled the notebook behind the computer screen, as well as the note itself written within it. Everything he wrote, everything he felt…it all rang true just as much then as it did when he wrote it.

This is only a small hill, isn't it? How long until I reach the crest and come crashing down again?

Over the next ten minutes, Legosi held Kachi, stroking his fur and listening to his breathing calm back down to a more normal rate. Finally, Kachi pulled away from the wolf, wiping his face with both hands. Sitting back against the wall, he lowered his hands. Upon his left hand, a small amount of blood was visible.

Surprised, Kachi lifted his hand to the cut on his face, running his middle and index over it where his tears had crossed it. Sure enough, when he lowered them to have a look, more blood could be seen upon them. He looked back up to Legosi, an expression of concern spread across his face. Glancing to where his head was rested upon the wolf's shoulder, a similar stain was spotted on his shirt.

Kachi's ears fell flat as he pointed toward it, "There's, uh…yeah. Sorry."

Legosi looked down, catching on to what the canine was telling him. He tugged at the fabric to get a better look at it. Though the shirt he wore was a dark color, the bloodstain was still visible, clear as day. He shook his head, "It's fine, don't worry about it. I'll just find some stain-remover and toss it in the wash."

Kachi shrugged his shoulders, the wolf's response not helping him much. He glanced down toward his lap where he'd rested his hands, one clasped into the other. On his left hand, the one he'd used to wipe his face, the blood from his cut was still there. Seeing it reminded him that there were other parts of his body at that moment that needed more attention.

Slowly looking back up to meet Legosi's gaze, holding his hand up, a sheepish grin appeared on his face, "I should probably go shower…"

Looking over the canine again and seeing every cut upon his body, as well as the dried blood associated with them, it made his stomach turn. He nodded, trying not to display his nausea outwardly, "I agree."

Kachi picked himself up from the floor, an objective in mind. Legosi did the same, lifting himself from the carpet and leaning upon the bed for support. Kachi left the room, disappearing into the hallway momentarily. A few seconds later, he returned with his bag, which still had yet to be unpacked.

He set it down on the bed and began sifting through the clothes within it, careful as not to get blood from his hands onto any of the articles. It didn't take him long to choose an outfit, and just as he always did, he stacked the clothes nicely next to the bag for easy transport to the washroom.

In the meantime, Legosi had produced his phone from his pocket. He wasn't sure why; it wasn't like there was anyone texting him. Though he wasn't surprised by the lack of notifications, what did surprise him was the date: December twenty-fourth. He looked up from the display as Kachi took his small stack of clothing from the bed.

"I can't believe it's already Rexmas Eve," he stated, glancing back down to the device's relatively small display.

Kachi pondered the wolf's words for a moment, coming upon the same realization, "Hey, yeah, you're right. Time flies…I guess." It didn't feel like a week had passed. It felt much, much longer.

That's just the nature of hurt, right? Days meld together, and paradoxically, the seem to be slowing down and speeding up all at once.

Legosi continued to tap aimlessly at the screen, "I wonder what's gonna be happening around here. Y'know, with it being a holiday and all…"

Kachi shrugged, taking a few steps toward the door before stopping in front of it, "Dunno, never got around to asking Dad." Kachi turned around, looking toward the wolf, "He does finish work at four if I recall correctly, though. What time is it?"

Legosi glanced to the top-left corner of the display; the time displayed plain as day. He looked up from the screen and toward Kachi without lifting his head, "Three-thirty."

"Meaning I only have thirty minutes until Dad gets back." Looking at his arms, an expression of worry spread across his face, "Shit, I should go…but then there's the desk, too…"

Legosi lifted his head from the screen, his ears standing at attention and eyes wide. He glanced over to the desk, instantly remembering what Kachi was referring to. His nose scrunched up as he became aware of the scent that still hung heavy in the air.

The wolf shook his head, trying to get his mind off it as he looked back toward the canine in the doorway, "Uh, I'll try my best to get that cleaned and mask the scent. Good call, too. If I could pick that up from the doorway, your dad definitely will too."

Kachi left the doorway, stepping toward Legosi with a look of concern on his face, "No, no, let me-"

Before Kachi could continue, Legosi extended a hand, placing it upon Kachi's chest as he tried to walk past him. The canine tilted his head, confused, "No. I got it. Go shower."

Kachi took a step back, lifting his free hand in mock surrender, "Okay, okay!" A weak grin appeared on the canine's face as he turned around, one Legosi was more than happy to return. It was all it took for the warm feeling in his chest to return.

Kachi crossed the hallway and entered the washroom, closing and locking the door behind him. He set his stack of clothes down on the vanity before reaching into the cupboard underneath to fetch his toothbrush and toothpaste.

While Kachi brushed, he felt the cut tugging at the fur on his face, causing him to speed up the process to get it over with. Purposefully, he averted his eyes from the reflection in the mirror. He knew he looked terrible; he didn't need to be reminded.

Once finished with the toothbrush, Kachi turned around and reached around the shower curtain, feeling around the wall to his right in search of the tap. A few moments later, his hand met the handle, the cold metal sending little shivers through his fingers and up his arm.

Kachi gave the handle a quick twist, the sound of flowing water filling the room. He lowered his hand to the faucet, allowing the water to across his hand and to get a feel for the temperature. Satisfied, he pulled his hand away, giving it a little shake before wiping the remaining dampness away on the leg of his pants.

He then took a step back, grabbing himself a towel from the shelf and setting it down next to his stack of clean clothes. As Kachi looked up before turning back around to face the tub, he caught an unintentional glimpse of himself in the mirror. He pushed any desire to look again deep into the recesses of his mind as he pulled his shirt over his head and discarded it on the floor to his right.

Once free of all clothing, Kachi pulled the curtain back and stepped into the tub, standing just behind where the stream of water from the showerhead came cascading down. He allowed himself to bask in the steam the temperature of the water was creating, the gentle clouds billowing up from the floor and enveloping him, a warmth unlike any other.

Kachi then stepped forward into the stream, the warm water running down him, tightening the warmth's embrace around him. And then it grew tighter. Then tighter again. Before long, the softness of the water's warmth was gone, leaving only a stiff-feeling burn, as if someone was slowly dragging knives across his skin.

Even when he thought it would end, it only continued to intensify. The pain he felt on his cheek and his arms was the worst it'd ever been, even more so than when he'd received the cuts. Desperately, he reached behind him for the tap, gripping it with what little strength he had remaining and wrenching it rightward, bringing the temperature down to a bone-chilling cold.

Kachi clenched his jaw shut along with his eyes, the sudden and rather large temperature shift causing his body to tense up. Against his will, he held his breath, his lungs squeezing as tried and failed to take a breath in. Against the cold water, Kachi felt small streams of warmth on his face. Tears were flowing again. The same warmth was felt on his arms.

He lowered himself to the tub floor, body still tense from the shock of the cold. After a couple minutes of shallow breaths through gritted teeth, his body was beginning to adjust to the colder temperature, and the second he was able to, Kachi gasped for air, his eyes shooting open. His chest heaved and his vision blurred, his body shivering as he felt himself lose strength again.

Five more minutes. Things calmed down, though his breathing and heartrate remained high. The world around him came into focus, and with it, a startling realization. The water beneath him shimmered, its color tinted a faint red. It didn't take Kachi long to find the source of such a change.

Glancing to his forearms, he quickly picked up on the fact that they cuts he'd made the night before had torn open, and were leaking more blood into the water below. Worse off, the burn persisted, even in the cold water. Kachi's stomach twisted as he fought back the strong urge to vomit.

A few quiet sobs escaped his lips as he struggled to pull himself to an upright position. He opened his eyes, his vision still blurred and his head pounding. Shaky breaths left him as he watched the water run red from his fingertips, only adding to the nausea he already felt. Kachi lifted his head. After ten minutes, while the pain was still very much there, he'd adjusted to it.

Kachi knew he wouldn't be able to wash his arms or face properly, as he knew the soap would only amplify the pain he felt. He dared not turn the water back up to a comfortable temperature, lest the same thing happen. With few options, Kachi painstakingly cleaned himself up the best he could, doubling the time spent in the shower to twenty minutes.

Kachi was finally ready to exit, slowly reaching for the tap and turning the rest of the way until the water stopped flowing. The room immediately fell silent, save for the sounds of the water draining in the tub below, and the sound of the fan above. His body shivered as he pulled the curtain back, both from pain and from cold.

He reached for the towel he'd chosen for himself and began to dry himself off. As he gently passed over his cuts, the towel dampened, but also stained. A shaky sigh left his lips, regretful that he'd chosen such a light-colored towel. The process was a gruelling one, all his energy having been pulled from him. It was perhaps the least relaxing shower he'd ever taken.

Once he was sufficiently dry, Kachi gripped the towel tightly in his right hand, wincing as he felt his claws pierce the fabric and cut into his palm. He leaned onto the vanity, slowly lifting his head to greet his reflection in the now fog-free mirror.

The first thing the canine picked up on were the bloodshot eyes from crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks even then, though much slower than they did in the tub. Further below, the cut across his left cheek was plainly visible and still stinging with every movement. Finally, Kachi glanced to his arms, the cuts upon them visible as well, torn open, and some even still bleeding. He stared into his own eyes, unable to find the fire they once held.

See that? That's you. A mess. Damaged beyond repair. Destined to be self-destructive until the bitter end. Well, that's okay. I know I don't have much longer now, and that's okay…

Along with the thoughts of hopelessness and self-hatred, the tears returned in full swing. Kachi gripped the vanity even harder, unable to make a scratch in its surface. Any memory of his breakthrough with Legosi was gone, forced to a part of his mind he couldn't reach. Filling the vacuum they created were thoughts of the darkest variety, laden with severe depression and the strongest desire to end it all.

Though searing pain still shot up his arms, they still ached for more. As Kachi tearfully lifted one of his hands, the sudden slam of the front door had caused him to jump. His ears stood on end, his chest tightening as he stood still, remaining completely silent. Over the hum of the fan, he recognized two voices: One being his father, the other being Legosi. Shen had finished work.

Kachi's vision refocused and he looked back toward himself in the mirror for a moment. More tears streamed down his face as he glanced down, his right hand's claws hovering only an inch from the surface of his left arm. An uneasy breath left the canine as he shakily pulled his hand away.

Not now…

Kachi discarded his damp and bloodied towel to the washing machine behind him before reaching for the stack of clothes he'd prepared himself. With the cuts on his arms still open, he had to be careful as not to stain the grey shirt he'd chosen for himself as he pushed his arms through the sleeves.

Once finished, he slowly opened the door, peeking his head out into the hallway. Though he heard Shen and Legosi talking, he couldn't see them, meaning they were still standing in the entranceway. Seeing his window, the canine crossed the hallway and into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Kachi looked around the room in search of something to cover his arms with. He knew he wouldn't be able to hide the gash on his face, but then again, Shen already knew about that cut. Legosi knew about the others, but it wasn't him he was worried about. He only hoped their topic of conversation wasn't him. Kachi didn't want his father to find out; he didn't need that kind of hurt in his life.

The canine's gaze came to rest on the bed, upon which were two of his hoodies. The first of which, his green one. Kachi picked it up and held it to the light. Immediately, he picked up on the bloodstains near the hood, as well as on the sleeves. Seeing its condition, Kachi tossed it to the floor.

The second of which was his blue Sapporo hoodie, one he hadn't worn since Dana had pulled it off him the night they slept together. His breath shuddered as he picked it up, even picking up on some of Dana's sent as he held it. Though it was just as dirty as the green one to him, it was still clean to everyone else. Kachi sighed, turning it around and pulling it over his head.

Kachi then turned and faced the closed door, taking a few steadying breaths as he prepared to step into the outside world and face both Legosi and Shen at the same time. Once he felt his heartrate slow by just a fraction, he gripped the silver doorknob tightly in his right hand, giving it a good twist and pulling it open before stepping into the hallway.

Kachi continued his rhythmic breathing until he entered the living room, and just as he suspected, Legosi and Shen were stood next to the door. The elder wolf still had his outdoor clothes on, shoes and all, and neither one picked up on the canine entering the room.

"Uh, hey, Dad. How was work?" he asked, his voice still raspy.

Shen looked up from Legosi to meet his son's gaze. His smile widened as he offered a friendly wave, "Hey! It was good. Gym's all locked up for the holidays, too. I'm finished until the twenty-seventh, meaning you've got me for the rest of today and for the next two days." A short silence passed over the group as Kachi stared into his father's blue eyes, taking note of how much brighter they seemed to be over his, "How're you feeling today?"

Kachi pulled his gaze away, staring toward the floor beneath the two wolves. He shrugged, "Better." He looked up, pointing to the gash on his cheek with his left hand, "This is gonna leave a nasty scar though."

Shen scoffed, the smile not leaving his face, "Ah, that's fine. Scars give character." His words didn't do much to reassure Kachi.

"I guess…" he replied, his voice trailing off. Recalling that the two were engaged in conversation prior to his arrival, his paranoia spiked. He knew he could trust Legosi to keep his secret, but still, could it hurt to ask? "What were you two talking about?"

Shen crossed his arms over his chest, "We were just talking about your school. It sounds like a really nice place from what Legosi's told me." Hearing his name, Legosi glanced over his shoulder.

Kachi shoved his hands into his hoodie's front pocket, "It is nice there." His voice was soft and low as he ruminated over his time at Cherryton.

Shen nodded approvingly, "Yeah? Sweet. It's just too bad the circumstances of your transfer…" The elder wolf looked off into the living room, staring into the TVs darkened screen.

"Yeah…" Kachi dejected, "but hey, at least I met Legosi, among other friends."

A chuckle escaped Shen's lips as he lowered his arms, "That's the spirit!" In response, Kachi forced his lips to curl into a smile.

I wonder how many times I'll have to do this tonight…

As Shen reached for the zipper on his jacket, a quiet ringing paired with a vibration began to echo from one of its pockets. Knowing exactly in which his phone resided, Shen reached into it and pulled it out, glancing down toward the screen to see who was trying to reach him. Reading the name above the photo, his smile disappeared.

Shen lifted the device to his ear after answering, a short sigh leaving his lips, "Hello?"

The room around the three canines fell silent as Shen conversed with the one at the other end of the line. Kachi listened attentively, leaning in closer from his position on his side of the room to try and figure out to whom his father was talking. Judging by the expression he wore, the tone of his voice, and his phone speaker being a little too loud, Kachi was instantly able to tell that Shen was talking to his mother.

After particularly long paragraph from Rae-Anne, Shen nodded, "Yeah, I'll tell him." The elder wolf lowered the phone to his shoulder, lifting his gaze to Kachi, "I'm sure you already heard that, but that was your Mom. She called because she apparently couldn't get a hold of you. She just wanted to ask if you wanted to go up to Nevers Road for dinner with the family."

A small amount of frustration manifested within the canine, his ears falling flat and his brows creasing at the mention of his mother, "What? No. Not a chance." Kachi stared off to the floor, arms crossed.

A dejected sigh left the elder wolf as he stared toward his son with disappointed eyes. He shook his head gently before lifting his phone back to his ear, "Hold on…" Shen muted the call, putting his phone back into his pocket before crossing the room to meet Kachi. He knelt, placing a hand upon the younger canine's shoulder. "Look, I know you and your mother have some bad blood, but you're really willing to give up seeing everyone else because of it?"

Kachi pulled his head back up from the floor, meeting his father's gaze once again, "No, I mean- I don't know. I just don't think I could…"

Shen offered a reassuring grin, "C'mon, Kachi. You got this. It's a few hours. Once it's done, I'll come get you and we can have our own little celebration here."

Kachi tilted his head, his tail beginning to wag behind him, "Really? Like what?"

Shen shrugged, "Movies? Snacks? Anything, really. Sky's the limit."

Though he didn't want it to, Kachi's tail had a mind of its own, "I…okay. I'll do it."

The elder wolf patted Kachi on the shoulder, "There you go!"

"But only if Legosi can come with me," he interjected, his brows creasing further as his tail finally stopped.

Shen's wide grin disappeared as stood back up. He nodded once, producing his phone from the pocket he'd stowed it away in, "I'll let her know."

Kachi stood, silent as he listened in to the conversation from a distance. His heart skipped a beat as his mother seemingly had no qualms about his plus-one. A brief wave of joy washed through him, but it was just that: brief.

Shen ended the call, "Perfect." He held his phone out for a few more seconds as he checked the time in the top-right half of the screen, "It's…four now. Rae'll be here for you in half an hour. I have a few things to get, apparently, so I'll be heading out. Gotta hit the stores before they close. That, and I'm sure your mother doesn't want to see me."

Neither Kachi nor Legosi said anything as Shen disappeared through the door. Once again, it was just them in the apartment. Once he was sure Shen was gone, Legosi turned his attention away from the door toward Kachi, "You're sure you're okay with this?" Kachi offered a toothy grin.

Smile like you mean it, Kachi…

"Yeah. It's only a few hours, and with others there, I'm sure Mom won't try anything," he said with a dismissive wave. "It'll be okay. Besides, I have you." He felt a few tears collect in his eyes as he spoke.

Legosi smiled in return, "Yeah, you do."