A/N: I know I saw three chapters but I made some changes so this is the second to last chapter. Next chapter will be the end of this tale. I have such mixed feelings. I am happy that I completed something but also sad to bring this to an end. I am hoping once I am done with school I can start up on a potential sequel. Also, I have been posting some side-shots for this story. I recently posted "The Dare" which takes place before the events of Cherry Soda Boy. check it out! Thank you everyone for your support! I hope the coming end is satisfying.

Chapter Forty: Whenever I Want

Staten Island comes to life when the sun disappears over the brown brick buildings scraping the skyline. Hylan is a mess of activity as mirages of white cars blur down the street, illuminated by street lights. The hum of planes are drowned out by the hip hop blasting from strained speakers. Shaking the ground beneath our feet. Businesses and homes twinkle like stars as the Thursday Night crowd, patrons itching for the eve of the weekend, traverse the sidewalks towards their destinations. Smiles and conversations powered by bastardized New York accents. The sky above us ripples like waves of twilight. The smell of exhaust and trash and overpriced, overprocessed, pseudo-meat fills the air. And there's a sense of comfort, being wrapped in this blanket of familiarity...

"I'm just saying, how do you know you ain't gay if you never sucked a dick?"

I shut my eyes and take a breath.

We're fifteen minutes in.

We just finished exchanging overdue and booming greetings with the five boys playing hack in the filthy parking lot of a Wendys.

And I just got comfortable against the wall of the establishment engrossed in the subtle beauty of Staten Island, when Reno utters that line.

I open my eyes with an accompanying huff. Cid stands across from my boyfriend. Arms folded over his chest. He's wearing a black denim vest with a Dead Kennedys patch on the back and spikes on shoulders over a white long sleeve. His eyes are narrowed at the red-head, more with confusion than disgust.

"How you figure?" Cid asks.

"How you know you don't like it if you never tried it?"

Cid cocks his head, really taking in Reno's words, as the red-head blows black smoke into the air with a smile.

"Nah," Barret interjects, "I don't need to suck a dick to know I ain't gay." Then he looks at me, sitting on the floor with my back against the building shaking my head. "No disrespect if you like that though, man."

I sigh, more in disbelief that my boyfriend decided on this line of questioning. "It's cool, don't fucking listen to him."

"Hey!" Reno snaps, "I ain't wrong."

I hate the inflection in his tone. Like he's using what I told him earlier against me. But when my lips fall to a stern frown, he rolls his eyes. Back to Cid, who is really standing there with contemplation splashed across his face.

"He isn't," Vincent, who doesn't pull his eyes from Biggs and Wedge bouncing the knitted bead ball between the two of them, mutters indifferently.

The four of us snap our heads at the solemn raven haired boy sitting on the bumper of a strangers broken down Ford as the chilling wind blows through long strands of greasy locks. He's dressed in Hot Topic's finest red Tripp pants and tattered Korn hoodie he's had since 1999. Vincent darts his hooded eyes at us, thin lips curl with a bored expression on his face.

"You sucked a dick once?" Cid finally gathers the balls to ask.

"Yeah."

"Why?" From Barret who recoils.

"Wanted to see what it felt like." He looks away. Biggs and Wedge are oblivious to the conversation surrounding them; their attention stolen by the epic game of hacky sack.

"So...you're gay?" Cid tiptoes.

"No."

"But-"

"Like he said," Vinny sighs, "how can you be sure if you never tried it?

"Not a fan?" I pipe up.

"Nah, just not for me."

"Bro!" Reno laughs, "straight up, this is the first time I've ever actually heard you talk and that's what you come up with? The fuck?"

But Vinny doesn't answer, his lips seal shut as always and his focus returns exclusively towards the two other boys in our group. Stunned silence. The only sound from the bean bag hitting the sides of dirty converses. Which echo above the white noise from the street. Though after several seconds of contemplation, I realize I'm not surprised.

"To weird to live, to rare to die, Vinny," I quote the great Hunter S, and black haired boy throws me the devil horns in response.

As if coming out of a trance, Cid looks at me, "Yo Cloud, lemme suck your dick real quick."

"Woah, bro," Reno shouts, "Not cool man!"

"What?!" Cid sputters in shock. "I've known him way fuckin' longer than yous been together!"

"I'm fuckin standin' right here man," Reno growls, eyes dangerous and volatile. "My dick ain't good enough for you?"

"I don't know where that fuckin' things been!"

"Seriously? Literally in your friend's-"

"Reno!" My voice slices through the air. Sick of his shit. Sick of his shit eating grin he flashes me. Cid starts laughing, holding his stomach at my response as if my frustration is just so fucking amusing.

"God dammit, Highwind, you got me in trouble again, yo!" But Cid flips him off through his raining chuckles while Reno returns to me. Crouching down, in between my legs this time, cigarette between those smirking lips, and eyes shining like the bulbs of Christmas lights. "What's with that face?"

"You're being vulgar," I scold. Even if my friends seem unfazed by the conversation, returning to the previous myriad of topics including what to do tonight, how they're gonna get more weed, and where they can land with the most chicks.

"Stop being sensitive." Reno removes the stick from his mouth and offers me a drag as a peace offering.

"You're comfortable around them." I accept, taking a sharp inhale of harsh reds that claw at my throat

He shrugs, "and you're not?"

I throw a look at Cid and Barret, standing a few yards from us. Their voices like harsh whispers cutting through the wind. So unperturbed by the previous dialog, it felt almost unreal. I frown, "We just don't usually discuss blowjobs so candidly. And I didn't really expect you to be so...forward."

"Really? You didn't expect forward from the guy who cornered you in the bathroom a week after meeting you?" He takes a drag. "Now, I ain't gotta hide shit anymore. Better prepare yourself, pretty boy."

"For you to be an obnoxious boyfriend?"

"You got it."

Reno flashes a small, almost understanding, smile when he sees the way my face contorts and takes a seat next to me on the dirt covered floor. Close enough where our legs brush against one another.

My heart still like the collapsing of time.

While Discomfort coils around my throat like a noose.

And I can't help but move my eyes at the other boys in the group- waiting.

But Biggs and Wedge are joined by Vinny in hacky sack, while Barret and Cid stare at their phones- fingers rapidly texting. No uncomfortable glares. I fiddle with my own fingers, wondering if I should dare to scoot closer to Reno. And I sense the magnetic field pulling me closer- something I find myself fighting. And all I can manage is giving myself permission to rest my wistful blues on him. The red-head leans his head against the brick wall of the fast food chain; glued to the changing clouds overhead and adding the smoke dripping from between his lips into the atmosphere. His eyes reflect the rising moon casting an ethereal glow across his face.

And I try to remind myself the water in my lungs doesn't exist.

And wonder if following his gaze to the abyss of space would make this petty anxiety seem small...

The sparkle of stars come into view as night engulfs the sun. We share the cigarette, the last of our combined stash of various bad habits. And no more disposable income to continue our vices.

Reality sets in-

And every white orb in the blue sea represents another new problem.

Got to find a job. Got to get a car.

Got to find out which school I'm going to in the fall-my academic future hanging by frayed thread. And I tear at my cuticles.

Stomach flips at my precarious future.

Parents have a conference with my school on Monday to discuss whether I will graduate with the Saint Sebastain's Academy stamp of approval. Or be tossed out.

And I can't understand the internal conflict; spent my entire high school career shitting on the institution. Now on the precipice of freedom, I am reluctant.

Maybe it's spite.

A rough elbow in my side shudders the thoughts and I look at the owner of the limb. Reno's eyes are two small slits of glimmering blue as he snaps, "You gonna chew your lip off if you think any harder, yo."

I want to ask how he can continue to be so aloof about his own uncertain next steps. Just floating on a river, letting the current take him to whatever destination. He's comfortable with the outcome, regardless of how disappointing it had been; and while I do catch him, at times, with the same forlorn expression he sports now, as he smokes away his fears, he never allows me to pry. Replaces his scowl with a smirk.

The crack of Converses on gravel signal Cid and Barret's approach.

"Kyrie's having a party," Cid announces, not looking up from his phone, "And her brother's back from college so they'll be hot college chicks there."

"As if you have a shot," Barret mocks. "Everyone's gonna be there apparently."

"Who's everyone?" Reno asks.

But Barret pauses for a moment, scanning his dark eyes between the two of us, "Everyone."

Reno clicks his tongue in response with a disruptive smile on his face, "Well doesn't that just sound like a barrel of bobcats."

"Is that a good thi-"

"Woah!" Cid shouts, "You think I don't have a shot with some fine ass college chick!"

"Bro! You barely have a shot with chicks from our school!"

The two of them devolve into a debate on Cid's game with the ladies (one which I can admit has been lacking since his breakup with Shera). And while they seem set on going to the small house near South Beach, the idea of returning to one of the scenes of my many crimes doesn't feel as alluring. Especially when everyone would be in attendance, including all those enemies I've accumulated. Reno, however, has a devious look sketched across his face.

"You want to go?" I ask with slight bewilderment.

He shrugs, "College kids have better weed and we need to stock up."

"Yeah? With what money?"

"I got us covered for a while, don't worry."

I arch an eyebrow, "How? Got some secret stash you haven't told me about?"

He flicks the cigarette away, "Said don't worry about it, yo!"

I open my mouth to argue but I am cut off once again, this time by the glare of headlights stabbing my eyes with a jolt. And I witness a familiar black BMW crawl into an empty parking space near our cluster of hooligans. When the engine's killed the doors fly open and a giggle of girls spring from the back seat. And Yuffie and Jessie skip towards the group, arm in arm.

"Fucking finally," Reno jumps up to greet his cousin who exits the vehicle with a long exhale.

Yuffie breaks into the hack circle, close to Vincent, while Jessie sets her sights on Cid- the blonde leaning against the car that had once been occupied by Vinny- and I can't help but notice her outfit. The tight red and checkered pants with chains jingling as she sways her hips, topped with a destroyed Green Day tank top that falls right at the hem of her bottoms. And if Cid didn't have his eyes currently fixated on the raven hair girl strolling towards the boys- in tight black ripped jeans and wearing the same Korn shirt I bought her- maybe he would have noticed Jessie's bedroom eyes which flickered in his direction.

But I don't blame him for drawn into the dark radiance which exudes from Tifa. I haven't seen her since my piss-poor apology. Only heard her voice when she called on behalf of Rude to inquire about Reno's mental state. Our conversations tense. Reduced to quick Q and As and nothing in between. Some sprinkles of attempts to ask about each other, but shut down just as quickly. And I can't help but wonder if my voice triggers destructive memories. And if I feel like shit from the mere thought, how must she feel?

She doesn't offer a look in my direction.

But I catch the glare she shoots at my boyfriend as they pass one another silently.

Interesting.

I follow Reno to the car, where he and Rude exchange a bro-shake.

"Took your ass long enough," Reno snaps while Rude digs in the backseat of the vehicle.

"Had to pick up Tifa and her friends. They had me driving all over this fuckin' island," Rude mutters before handing Reno a black shoe box, "Better count it to make sure it's all there. Yuffie has sticky fingers."

Reno opens the box, pulling out a wad of green bills, with a sneaky smile on his face. "Thanks, partner."

"Are you fucking serious?" My question lunges at him like a vexed animal.

"What?!" He looks up at me feigned confusion. But my lips are curled and teeth clenched, so he relents. "Been savin' up trying to leave that place for a long time; think we can leave it at that?"

"How did you get all that?"

He shifts through some of the bills, tucking the box under his shoulder, and hands Rude a 50 dollar bill uttering a, "Go buy your lady a personality or some shit," before returning to me. "How many times I gotta say-"

"You really ain't gonna tell me how you got all that money," I push, arms over my chest. I try to control the edge that sharpens my voice, hide some of my fluster behind a tense smile. "Like I don't know how unemployed seventeen year olds can get cash like that fast."

He wavers slightly and I note there's a dangerous glint in his eyes that I've caught in other situations where he felt backed into a corner. "Yeah? You got somethin' on your mind?" he closes the box and places it back into the car. Throwing Rude a silent look, letting him know he's our ride later on tonight.

And I realize there's so much about Reno that remains a mystery.

Another addition to a pile of variables.

A small huff gives away my displeasure and

I'm running out of words to describe how it feels when he looks at me. Torn with indecision. I'm reminded of the day he drove me home and how I offered him the same look.. On the threshold of wanting to tell the whole story, but unsure of the outcome.

But he leans against his former car and gives me something. "What did I tell you when we first got together? I've done some shit, too..." I can taste the slight hint of sour on his tongue when he pulls that memory from several months ago- when a night like this seemed like an unattainable dream.

And while I hate this new unknown I'm entering; I gotta just accept I'll have the rest of my life to hear all his stories.

"So," Rude tucks the fifty into his wallet, his tone cautious as if slowly trying to pull the attention from the money away from our attention. And my lips crash to a frown. "you guys hear about the party tonight?"

"Yeah Kyrie's," Reno answers, flicking his lighter and running his tongue behind his teeth trying to find remnants of nicotine he's gone minutes without.

"Nah, Elena's."

At the sound of her name, my chest suspiciously clenches. Added anxiety when I watch Reno slowly lift his head, look off distance- eyes shaking at the green dumpsters and brown aluminum fence-

"Shit…."

I tilt my head, "What?"

"I forgot to break up with, Elena…."

"Excuse me?!"

"What!?" He shouts as if my outburst offends, but it sure as hell shouldn't, "I don't have a phone!? How was I supposed to tell her!"

"Don't worry, bro," Rude says, "I think she knows. She deleted you from Myspace and her AIM away messages are a bunch of sad lyrics."

"Oh come the fuck on…"

"Last week it was: So much for my happy ending with a broken heart-"

Reno grumbles, running his fingers through his hair.

"-And this week it's: broken up deep inside/but you won't see the tears I cry/behind these hazel eyes."

"Her eyes aren't even hazel!?" He pauses, "Wait, are they?"

"Wow, you are a terrible boyfriend." I roll my eyes.

Reno scowls, "No. I'm a terrible person. I'm a fantastic boyfriend."

He shoves his hands in his pockets to Rude's chorus of chuckles, and throws me some faux pitiful blue eyes that beg in silence for forgiveness he need not ask of me. I'm not really mad despite the tightness of my arms over my chest and the sparked glare I try to ignite in his direction- no need to make this entirely easy for him. But I understand, unfortunately. I tear my eyes from his and look at Tifa.

And to think I've made that same mistake twice. Three times if I include Jessie, who sits a little too close to Cid as he shifts uncomfortably- while his own eyes glue to the raven-haired girl's lips as she regals him with her tales.

The webs we tangle at such a young age.

I ruined a potential love story because I couldn't accept myself. Cid would never explicitly tell me it was my fault- but I know. I know.

I know enough...and I get to live with unfortunate knowledge. Feel the rise of crushing guilt when I hear Tifa's voice. Exasperated by now having to watch her actively ignore my presence. When before, she would run to me- throw her arms around my neck as if seeing me for the first time in years even if I had been a day. And when she was pissed all it had taken were wide doe eyes and some kind of physical content to melt that anger away. She sensed my devastating sadness and would make herself present as much as possible. Pulled my hair back when I threw up all my woes. The sacrifices she made in friendships I've destroyed weren't met with gratitude. And when I tried to take my own life, her eyes sprung like an uncontrolled river.

And in return...I embarrassed her in such a violent way. Exposed her vulnerability and exploited it-

And I swallow the rush of nausea.

"Hey," Reno's voice rattles me. "Don't sweat it, babe..."

Rude leaves without another word to stand next to his girlfriend and wrap a strong, muscular arm around her thin waist. And my heart cracks for Cid this time.

"She'll fucking get over it soon," He continues.

"Should she?" I counter, "I did something fucked up."

"Was it though?…"

"You don't know what I did."

"You don't know what you did," he hisses, "It wasn't that bad."

I pause. Note the rising resentment that climbs up my chest. I don't fucking know what I did; not really. Just broken memories sewed together by words from others involved. Every story similar with different surrounding contexts. And Tifa offers me bare bones with vague details. "Maybe it wasn't bad. But it was bad to her and that's all the matters. So, if she doesn't forgive me, it's because of me not her."

I note his frustrated sigh, and even if I don't see the way his eyes roll, I can feel them tumble over me. Reno means well; he's doing this because he cares about me. And he knows how it's hurt having her be so distant.

But it's out of both our control.

And I begin to regret coming out.

Especially with votes for the party continuing to file in. Even Vinny, who usually hates the idea of socializing with anyone, agrees to crash Kyrie's party. Jessie and Yuffie will do anything Tifa wants to do- both throwing me dirty looks over the conversation. Tifa asks Rude, who blushes and squeezes her tighter, and just says it's up to her. The new leader of the brigade.

Cid shouts a resounding yes, because he needs to get fucked up.

And Barret flashes me an exasperated look as he realizes his job will be babysitting the wild blonde next to him.

Two more outside votes from Aerith blowing up my phone- apparently Elena's get together was slowly turning into a Hate Reno and Cloud party and Aerith almost knocked her teeth out. Tseng had to drag her out of there kicking and screaming.

"Do you want to go," Reno inquires, still flicking the lighter after I hang up on Aerith.

The sounds of ongoing plans being made were hard to ignore- even if they weren't directed at me- and I consider the options. Reno and I could walk amongst the Staten Island street lights looking for something to do until the clock strikes twelve and I have to go home anyway or we could risk getting overzealous at Kyrie's party- getting too fucked up and having a rerun of last time- breaking curfew and never be allowed to grace the outside world until college.

But something called out to me.

There's magic in the air from making plans on a weeknight- like a call back to summer shenagenins. Against the chilly backdrop of a struggling Spring.

And things wouldn't be the same as last time. Impossible. When I'll be walking in with the group of friends and my boyfriend without the terror of being found out fueling my self-destruction.

I scan Reno's form. Hands in his pockets, body weight on the back driver's side door with an unreadable look on his face. And I recall how he said he needed to get out; crushed under sight of his house across the fence.

"Let's go," I agree and he smirks. "It'll be like...I don't know...a last hurrah for me."

"Right," he scoffs, "Like they're gonna keep you grounded for much longer."

"You sure you wanna do this though?"

"I'm not sure about shit, pretty boy." And then he takes a step closer to me and links his middle finger with mine like he did when we walked back to his car from Jonny's. And how easy doubt can evaporate. "But I know I ain't a pussy and I know you and Cid owe Rude and I a rematch. So we're gonna go to this shitty party, I'm gonna kick your ass in beer pong, and then we'll go home."

I want to kiss him so bad right now. Under the moonlight, face lit up with all his bad thoughts. But...we're not there just yet.

Soon, though. And my body warms at the thought.


The party is underway by the time our mismatched group shows up. Bodies spilling outside the lawn and scattered along the stoop. Sidewalk occupied by smokers of both legal and illegal substances; their conversations breaking into the other wise silent night. Kyrie's neighbors, high school dropouts and dealers, are the only reason the cops- with the precinct literally down the street- don't make regular appearances. A party in South Beach, even on a weeknight, is a common enough occurrence that doesn't warrant the boys in the blue- within reason.

But it usually just takes one drunk asshole to collapse this house of cards.

We make our way inside. And all the cast of characters are here:

Johnny bastardizes "Jumper" on a guitar in the middle of the living room.

Leslie emerges from the kitchen, takes one look at Reno, and sprints out the back door. His buddies following close behind, with scowls directed at the two of us.

I spot Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo,by the fireplace with alcohol eyes. They watch us as we walk past them, legs wobbling like tree trunks caught in a tornado, and turn their backs. A huddled mass of trembling hares. And Reno chuckles at their behavior.

Kyrie and, who I assume is, her brother fight in the kitchen over the mix of friends. We pass by Cissnei and Reeve flirting by the counter; and I offer her a sad smile when our eyes meet but she shakes her head and returns to her conversation with Reeve.

And fuck that's embarassing.

Angeal and Gen have the beer pong table on lock in the backyard; going up against two girls from school who I recognize as seniors. And once again, I feel the unease of too many bodies, and too many personalities, locked in a bottle ready to explode. I scan the faces of my friends, relaxed as they break off into the sea of people, finding some of their other connections.

Everyone knows everyone. It's hard to avoid.

Aerith storms upstairs, with Tseng on her tail, and immediately sees us in the sea of teenagers. She smiles from ear to ear, her long brown hair in a high ponytail. She adorns a white and pink floral summer dress with matching powder pink sweater and I notice the addition of a heart necklace around her neck. Aerith practically knocks me down, throwing her whole body against mine. Arms around me and she squeezes.

"Aer, you're literally killing me-"

"I missed you so much!"

I smile; but it quickly extinguishes when Tifa bumps into the both of us mumbling under her breath something wicked, following the rest of the group to the yard. I falter but gently pat Aerith on the back, appreciating the welcoming. She gives Reno much the same greeting though he pretends to be annoyed by her affection with a tense eye roll and rapid taps on her lower back to get her off him.

It felt good to see her; I never got a chance to thank her in person for staging a walk out in the effort to salvage our future at the Academy, even if it was mostly a fruitless endeavor. But she waves off my attempts- arguing that it was for the greater good. Bigger than even just Reno and I- but for all the students still in the closet, terrified. That hopefully seeing at least most of the Junior class walk out on behalf of us would let them know...they weren't alone.

Then she adds, after taking a large sip of the drink Tseng held for her, that Sister Lucia had actually pissed her off for the last time when she took Kadaj's side in an altercation. So Aerith, being as dainty as a venus fly trap, chucked a bible at Kadaj's face, and started chanting Attica, Attica! Until the rest of the class, overcome by her outburst, joined her. Thus resulting in the walk out that Spring afternoon.

"Why Attica?"

"I don't know, I saw it in a movie," she admits.

"Was it Dog Day Afternoon?"

"Uh, sure whatever."

"You don't even know the movie you were stealing that line from?" I shake my head.

"Whatever, it sounded good and I looked good doing it!" She shouts over the growing house volume. "Of course, I got detention with that creep Hojo because of it, but at least I don't have to take Religion with that homophobic piece of shit."

"Damn, you're fucking scary when you're pissed," I laugh, "Don't ever change."

Aerith winks with a soft chuckle. But Reno seems less than amused by the antics- apparently unhappy his name was dragged around the school in the name of justice.

We're offered beers from our benefactor, Cid, who stole them from the fridge. I stare at the bottle of pale liquid. Swirl it around. Look at the vortex for answers to more unasked questions. But acknowledge I'm looking for something that can't be found at the bottom of a bottle. I lean against a wall, next to Reno, facing the outside sliding door with the view of the table. The roar of competition floods into the house. Behind us, the living room erupts with requests for new music from Johnny. Someone has taken control of the radio in the kitchen, and the top 40s of 2005 mix with the broken conversations. Like a whirlpool of sounds. Both familiar and new. Comforting and alien.

Time ticks closer to Midnight. And debauchery already underway.

We eventually made it to the beer pong table after Rude and Reno put down Angeal and Genesis. And after their exit, the first whisper of Sephiroth's attendance reached my ears.

But I ignored the sentence, went up against my boyfriend and his cousin.

"Strip pong?" Cid offered, throwing me a wink.

"Nah, chill," Reno objected, "I see the way you look at my boyfriend. I ain't giving you a free show."

"Dammit. You got me!"

The game lasted too long. For sure. From the groans of girls who wanted their chance. And other boys who kept periodically checking. Accusing us of delaying. Bunch of bounces, met with slaps of balls, rolls backs where our bodies collided. Warm beer after warm beer. Paired with fresh beers from Barret. A shot challenge by Rude the cherry on the cake, but I, even if my haze, kindly declined with a dramatic wave of my hand and Cid all too happy to take one for the team.

Our downfall coming at his hand.

And when we did our walk of shame, and I watched the two girls replace us, the second hint of Sephiroth's existence whispers in the wind. And it became harder to ignore.

We walk inside the bubble. The typical scene. The screeching voices overpowering the radio. Hand slaps and curses. You'd think a fight is brewing within the walls, but this is normal. I lose Cid in the crowd. He's eye set on a group of girls in the corner who shoot him suggestive looks over their red solo cups. I scan the house for signs of my friends. Tifa had vanished along with Jessie and Yuffie as soon as we got here- probably smoking on the front stoop with my name on their tongue. I had a small eruption of desire to find her, but I swallowed that down with the rest of the alcohol. I spot Aerith and Tseng by the fireplace, harsh whispers escaping their lips- typical. There's three other couples doing the same thing.

About that time.

I stumble down the hallway, pass by Vinny who perches up against the wall with Biggs and Wedge, all three acknowledging me- and Vin's warning is the third time Sephiroth's name reaches my ears. My chest clenches but it loosen it with another long sip of beer. Sephiroth can be here. Or doesn't have to be here. He can be anywhere on this island. Or in my face. And it wouldn't matter.

In the bathroom, I find some quiet.

Flick on the light and take a deep breath. And when I open my eyes, I look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks rosy from the alcohol coursing through my veins and maybe even a little bloodshot from the weed earlier. Little blue marbles in a red sea.

It's somehow easier to breathe tonight than in the past. I recall the last time I was here, how I burst from the bathroom on a mission. Taking down everything in my path. Wasn't the first time. But hopefully the last.

And I know, from an outsider's perspective- and I'm sure my parents wouldn't be thrilled that I'm high and drinking a beer in an acquaintances bathroom- I'm repeating old mistakes. Learning no lessons from my previous actions. And I should know better by now. But I'm not drinking to bury my problems. And I'm not forcing the same mask on my face, one I've had sewn on for years, until it pulled and tore at my skin. I'm free of those constraints.

I realize a smile twitches at my lips. And the phone in my pocket reads a time which suggests our inevitable exit. And I feel more ready for whatever the next chapter has in store.

I exit the bathroom, this time not on a mission to fuel my woes, but to see if Reno could walk away a champion from pong and get his cousin to drive us home. Weed acquired, burning a hole in my pocket already. Deep in thought.

It takes a full second to register the hands slamming on my shoulders.

And I know the owner even before he tosses me into a darkened bedroom.

Before his voice overtakes the silence.

I stumble over some discarded boxes, stopping myself against the window. The light of the moon drenches the room in a blue glow. And casting shadows over the face of my tormentor. Standing in the center.

"It's good to see you, Cloud."

I suddenly feel pulled under water. Coldness catching my lungs.

"Sephiroth…" His name pieces my lips. I haven't seen him since our altercation at the school yard. Rumors swirled about the aggravated wound putting him out of commission, again. Absent for days. And questions of the cause were silence when the rumors of Reno and I swarmed like locust through the halls. Forgotten. Even by the friends he sent to dispose of us. Taken down swiftly. And I had been so engrossed with my own life, that his memory became a faded blurry picture.

All changed now, when he takes a step into the light. His eyes glow a sinister green, a smirk trembles along his face. Time slows. I don't hear anything behind the walls. And I anticipate some shitty remark to fall from this lips. Something snide. Demeaning. Probably homophobic. I prep my brain for the seeds he will attempt to plant. And refuse to water them with my own insecurities.

But Sephiroth is done with words.

I don't see the first punch until his fist is in my face. And luckily he's using his left arm and I dodge the full force- him clipping the side of my mouth. I lose my balance- cursing my alcohol consumption as I tumble into a dresser sending some items to the fall with a crash.

And a new emergence from the bottom of my soul.

The same sensation when I heard my boyfriend's name leave his mouth.

So, this time when he tries to grab my neck, I swing back- the vibration of his face meeting my fist trembles up my arm, to my chest like an earthquake.

He falls back, with a disturbed laugh, "Fuck that right hook." He wipes his face, blood trickling down his lip. He looks at the liquid, then at me, "Wonder who taught you that?"

My jaw clenches. "Some bitch ass."

"Hn," he cracks his neck, "That so?"

Sephiroth seems unsteady on his feet as he approaches me, and I notice the dilated pupils as he towers over me- trapped in the corner like an animal. And even with him half on this plane of reality, he still, for some reason, renders me frozen. I try to keep myself a stone structure. Maintain eye contact. What's the worst he could? Fucking kill me?

"I'm off the baseball team because of you and your faggot boy toy," he snarls.

And I, despite now realizing he is probably contemplating all the ways he could kill me, snort in his face. "Seriously? You're gonna blame me because you can't play baseball this year? That's the reason for this fucking spectactle?"

But he doesn't find me amusing. His left hand on my neck and I'm slammed against the dresser, smacking the back of my head. "You fucked up my pitching arm!"

"You fucked up your pitching arm trying to challenge a car you fuck!" I gasp out, "How many drugs were you on, huh!? You can't blame me for your shit decisions."

"You should talk. You've been spinning the same shit for years; blaming me for everything. Manipulating everyone around you with that sad, pathetic, story."

"You're kidding me right now…"

"Everything is my fault, right? Making you cry like a bitch. Making you deal drugs even though that was your idea. I'm the reason you and your girl broke up, even though you treated her like shit, and liked fucking dick on top of that! I'm the reason you're depressed. Why you slit your fucking wrist-"

"Yo, fuck you, Sephiorth!" I find my hidden voice and it scratches at my throat. I use my strength to overpower his weak arm. Shove him off me. "That ain't gonna work on me. You're not gonna stand there and act like you didn't push me when I said no; or make me feel like shit if I went against anything you wanted. Manipulative? That's fucking hilarious, bro."

"I," his voice low, "protected you."

"Yeah, right, out of the goodness of your heart?"

A deafening pause envelops the room. Only broken by the chaos leaking from the backyard. The sounds of boys yelling in victory. The living room bodies, still singing off key to "Sugar, We're Going Down." And Sephiroth smirks and takes a step back. "Heh...you're right, actually. I only put up with you 'cause of what you offered. You have the house with the shitty parents who don't give a fuck what we do. You have the drugs. What other reason would I, or anyone else, have to fuck with you?" Another pause. A crack of glass shatters from somewhere in the house. "Your money. Your stash. No one actually gives a shit about you, Strife. Just what you offer them. Your friends, the girls that jump on your dick. Even that twink is only with you for shelter. Bet how far he'd run to get away from such a desperate, pathetic, fuck.

"Don't forget, Cloud, you're nothing without me."

I want to say, those words didn't hurt. I want to say that at no point did I even consider any of the vile claims which fell from his thin lips had an ounce of truth to them. But I can't help the creeping insecurity. The bad friend in my head materialized before me. Cast in the glow of nightly shadows. Words I have reminded myself of frequently now vocalized. And how could I not even give them a consideration when several friends have now seemingly walked away from me.

Try to remind myself my own actions did cause that reaction- not them. Can't be a reflection on them.

But all those negative thoughts gather in my chest. And I know I am giving him the satisfaction of watching me fight against my terrible instincts.

The door creaks open. Both of us snap our heads towards the intruder.

Reno, leans against the threshold of the door, flipping his lighter in his hand. "Well this looks like an intense conversation."

Sephiroth, not phased by the sudden inclusion, clicks his tongue. "Heard you're off the team for good, Sinclair. Bummer."

Reno allows a bitter laugh, which crushes the silver-haired boy's smile, and makes his way to me. "Yeah, whatever. I ain't even into baseball, just did it cause I'm naturally mad fuckin' good." He takes his stand next to me. First, running those blue marbles along my face; and like magic, patching up the cracks that formed from Seph's verbal attack. Then, throws a tight glare at him, "Heard you're out, too?"

"Yeah," Sephiroth snaps, "Cause I'm all banged up."

But Reno tilts his head, "Heard it was 'cause of the drugs they found in your locker?"

I feel left out of this conversation. Dart my eyes at my boyfriend, who has moved closer to me, as if daring Sephiroth to try anything else. Reno's features are relaxed except his eyes, bright like lightning. I wonder...how he knew about that development when I hadn't heard anything from Cid and Barret. Then...wonder...how he got in contact with Rude about the mysterious money he had been hiding. How Rude knew to come to the Wendy's and meet us- how he knew we would be there…

"How did you-" Sephiroth cuts himself off. And they stare at one another. As if waiting for the other to say something… incriminating.

"Sucks huh," Reno looks at me once, giving me a warm smile that seems devilish under the darkness in the room, "was just about to make captain when they found the stuff." And he looks at Sephiroth, "Bummer, am I right?"

A damning understanding falls upon us.

And I wonder...all the things the boy, standing so close I can feel his steady breaths, is capable of. And I am too busy looking at Reno, the sharpness of his face. The way it curls in disgust as he looks at Sephiroth, I don't acknowledge the other presence in the room. He...is no longer any of my concern.

Another rumble from the upstairs shakes the house; a sign of life outside this room.

"One day, Sinclair," Sephiroth starts, cooly, "you and I are going to have to settle some shit. And it isn't going to end well for you."

And Reno's lips twitch, "I guess we'll see about that." and then gives him a two finger salute, "until then…"

I don't realize my heart racing in my chest until Sephiroth takes his leave- throwing me one more dagger of a look between glowing hazel orbs before he vanishes out the door. And I exhale. Allowing just one last lingering look at the empty space he left. Twelve years. Gone. In a snap. And while Tifa and I may be able to repair what lays broken, the bond Sephiroth and shared severed.

Now destined to become nothing by a memory I recall in the violent recesses of my mind.

Reno takes my hand in his, examining the forming bruises on my knuckles. "At least you got a shot in, babe." He lets go to examine my face; and I can't describe the swarm of birds that well in my body, and explode, and their feathers raining down, when his slender fingers glide against my chin. "Gotta teach you how to block or something, damn. You get rocked in the face a lot, pretty boy."

"Hmph," I grumble. But he takes his hand along my cheeks and buries it in my unruly blonde hair, forcing me gently to look him in the eyes.

"You're not letting that shit head get to you right?" He asks.

"I just…" I can't find the right words to explain the conflict which rages within. Twelve years littered with terrible experiences and a sprinkle of good memories interwoven. I look at the door, the empty space in between. Sephiroth and I had once been a pair- or maybe...I was just a shadow, a burden, upon him. But, I still can't help but feel this distressing sense of loss as he crushed the remainder of our ties together. "I just thought maybe he would have changed or…"

"Some people...don't." Reno sighs, "And maybe he never will. But that's not really your problem, right? Kid can handle the consequences of his own actions. Or not. The fuck gives a shit."

I frown, bring my eyes back to him. Toil his words through my head. "Did you have anything to do with the drugs in his locker?"

Reno furrows his brows, "You really wanna know?"

Twitch. "You're keeping a lot of shit from me, you know."

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"The money, for one. How Rude knew to meet us? Just…"

He takes a step closer, backing me against the same dresser, trapping me against his body. And I hate how he makes me weak. Hate how my mind can just turn blank. Too much control I've given him. Our mouths hovering, barely touching, his breath on mine. The hint of a kiss... "Moonshine." I arch an eyebrow and he smiles, "My grandfather and I would make moonshine and I would sell it to the kids at my school for mad money. Probably the only reason any of them fucked with me, but whatever. Then when I came up here, I sold weed for Rufus for a bit until just about the time I met you."

"Really?" I frown, having no idea this illicit life he had before me.

"Yeah, then I saw how shit you were at dealing, so I decided to retire for a bit."

"Fuck you man…"

"Where did you come up with your prices, yo!"

"Uh," I gesture to the open door, "Where you think?!"

He laughs. "I didn't want to be associated with that shit. Plus, I couldn't really tell you to stop sellin' and then do it myself. I ain't a fucking hypocrite." He adds a venomous tone to the end of his sentence that feels like a direct attack on me. But I swallow the lump in my throat. And just...accept he finally told me a bit about himself. Another layer revealed.

"Anything else," he adds, resting our foreheads together. "What was the question you were gonna ask me before?"

I blink. I had forgotten our conversation during the thirty minute walk to the fast food place. And I almost don't want to bring up the conversation but...since he's so open at this moment. And I can feel this peak into his life will soon close- "I...was going to ask about your old friends...the ones from Tennessee. Just...you were so sure about min-"

"I told you they weren't friends. Just acquaintances who had something to offer. I had the car, Gunner had the house. Legend had the drugs. Kit had the fake I.D. We never talked about anything important. Just bitches and getting fucked up." Sephiroth's words weigh on my mind and I'm about to say something, when Reno cuts me off. "I know...you ain't thinkin' your friends are like that? Whatever that prick said to you is a fucking lie. You have no idea the hoops your friends would jump for you. Remember that."

He sighs, "and besides. Even if they were assholes, you have me...and I have you, right?" I nod. "and that's all that matters. And he pulls away, dropping his hand from my hair- dragging his fingers down sending, sending chills up my spine. Continuing his descent to my arm, making sure to feel every inch I have to offer.

Until his hand finds mine. Grabs it, firmly. And it's like the period at the end of a sentence. The last bit of fear, and reluctance, evaporates. And he whispers against my lips. "Whenever I want."

And we close the gap. Our lips together;

Kissing with the door wide open for the world to see.

Our reckless love.

And when he pulls away, he takes with him some of the creeping doubt resting on my shoulders. I never thought I'd have a future past sixteen; no use being fearful of the unknown.

"I love you, pretty boy," his smile against mine, "always."

"I love you, too...always."

We meet for another kiss but the sounds of feet charging past the door pulls us away from one another. A scramble of bodies flying past the door signals the first sign of trouble. Followed by a frantic knock on the window stealing our attention. Cid, shirtless,his voice barely breaks through the glass of the window but I can make out his words: "Shit went down, cops are coming." Before runnin away.

"Why does this shit happen at every fucking party," Reno huffs.

"Welcome to Staten Island." I open the window, the cool air lifting the stuffy haze in the bedroom, "You're the one who wanted to come by the way."

"Oh, right, this is my fault now!"

He feigns anger, but we chuckle as we crawl out the window, into the swarm of bodies trying to escape from the blue and red lights. We run away from gruff warning voices telling us to stop. With the wind piercing our skin. Duck through strangers' backyards. A well-acted scene I'm used to playing. And I'm sure there's more mistakes to be made. And I know nothing, not even the love I have for the boy next to me- my partner- could be certain. And there was a time that fear of the unknown would fill my lungs with water...sew my lips shut…

Now, I think I'll keep running into the great unknown- and take a breath.