Jade sat idly in the middle of the bed, one hand absentmindedly playing with the scrunched-up covers. It was the middle of the night but, this time, she wasn't angry about being awake; indeed, it almost seemed like she'd woken up naturally. Despite his offer, she had told Beck to go home after his mother called for the second time. She knew he was still worried but she wanted to prove she could handle this on her own, as much to him as to herself. The afternoon had been another quiet one, albeit a companionable quiet as they'd worked through their respective assignments for class. Jade had found her mind wandering easily back to the events at the graveyard but had been determined to channel it into her work, creating an interesting scene for her creative writing class involving a graveyard séance for 18th century ghosts. It felt good to turn her feelings into something productive.
The evening had been mostly uneventful, with her and Beck cuddled up on the couch watching The Scissoring for most of it. It would have been an evening like any other had it not been for her father putting in a surprise appearance after he arrived home from work. He hadn't announced his presence, the plush carpet and noise from the television disguising his approach. As such, neither Jade nor Beck made any attempt to disentangle themselves as he walked into the room; Jade quietly revelled in the instant tension in his body when his eyes fell upon them.
Beck had afforded him the courtesy of pausing the film but Jade had been content to simply stare at him, awaiting whatever it was he wanted to say. She'd felt Beck shift awkwardly underneath her as the silence dragged on for almost thirty seconds but she'd refused to yield. Her father attempted small talk but with Jade's minimal answers it had forced him to get to the point.
"The hospital called and updated me on your case. You only have physio now, every two weeks."
Jade hadn't been sure if it was a question or a statement so she simply nodded.
"How is your schoolwork coming along?"
"It's coming." Jade didn't appreciate the probing question, surely, he could just tap Lane for the answer if he was that bothered; after so many years of disinterest, she couldn't imagine why he was bothered now.
"Do they know if you will pass the year yet?"
And there it was, Jade realised.
"I can see about organising a tutor or something if you aren't keeping up."
Jade's eyes narrowed.
"I'm doing fine. They said I'll pass the year."
It was a lie, neither Lane nor any of her teachers had said anything of the sort but Jade was still determined. She was not going to repeat the year for anything.
Her father had opened his mouth and shut it again rapidly and Jade wondered if he was skirting around the issue of her mother's cremation. He'd then surprised by striking up an almost painful conversation with an equally bewildered but slightly more charitable Beck. It was superficial at best and completely pointless at worst but Beck answered politely, unsure of the man's motives. Her father had then clearly thought better of whatever else he had been considering saying and retreated back to the ground floor as Jade and Beck exchanged raised eyebrows over his odd behaviour.
Now Jade sat on the bed, looking at the hands of the small clock as it signalled half past three and she wondered if he'd been feeling somewhat sentimental. Afterall, he had been married to Amanda and had a child with her, even with the acrimonious divorce and his emotional constipation there was obviously some impact. Jade just saw it now as a chapter closing on her life and the next one starting, at least she tried to. It was an odd sensation to get used to, and the guilt for that way she thought about her mother was still a regular companion but her brain seemed to have gotten slightly better at rationalising it.
Her gaze flickered to the unopened pill packet next to the clock. She had decided after much debate to forgo the sleeping aid for just one night, realising that she didn't want to force herself to sleep before she was ready. Instead she'd taken up position with a book and notebook, her phone charger and the candle that had been in the hamper from the gang which was now flickering away on the nightstand, a gentle but pleasant smell filling the room. She'd fallen asleep several hours ago over her notebook, pen still in hand which only made her glad of the black colour of the sheets currently on her bed. It had been a fitful sleep with dreams of a turbulent ocean and distant memories of her parents screaming at each other but, upon waking, she felt a quiet acceptance; what else should she expect after the day she'd had?
Instead, she'd slipped out of bed to splash water on her face and lit the candle on her return, flicking open the book with a small disappointed yearning that Beck wasn't here to read to her. Her eyes were heavy and drooped several times but she couldn't quite let herself go back to sleep yet. A quick decision being made, Jade got out of the bed for the second time, pausing only briefly to extinguish the candle and grab a jacket as she padded out through the living area onto the balcony.
The warm night air hit her as she stepped out, a comforting breeze that was a reminder that summer was on its way and the warmth would soon turn to a less pleasant heat during the day. The sky was almost completely clear and Jade could see all the way to the horizon where the smallest section of ocean was made visible as it reflected the pale light streaming down from the moon. She fell into the comfortingly familiar pattern of breathing as she focused on the small path of ocean, the apparent calmness attracting her attention. She wasn't sure how long she stood on the balcony, only that suddenly she was aware of a small light out the corner of her eye that she hadn't noticed before. She looked down, squinting slightly before she could make out the silhouette of her father sitting in a chair propped up against one of the external walls; the light was coming from a cigarette held in his hand. Jade frowned; she hadn't realised her father smoked. She couldn't even remember him doing it as a child but here he was, intermittently moving it to his lips for a slow drag.
Like her own attention had been, her father seemed none the wiser to her presence above him his gaze fixed on some vague point in the dark garden, clearly distracted by his own thoughts. It dawned on Jade again that maybe he was dealing with the day in his own odd way, the cigarette part of some mostly obsolete coping mechanism which only reappeared when he had real need of it. Still, she had no intention to make her presence known. Of all her recent musings and inner arguments regarding both of her parents, she realised her relationship with her father would forever be distant. She had occasionally entertained the idea of a 'disney' ending, of them growing together and developing a real bond but Jade knew she wasn't going to be able to put the past behind her enough for that to ever happen. He'd never been that involved when she was little, that she could remember. She also didn't really think it was what he wanted, not really, as even since the accident he'd struggled to define a place in her life or hers in his. She was sure that eventually things would be less awkward but she was practically an adult, the time for proper parenting had been and gone.
She saw him stab out the cigarette and heard the clinking of ice as he raised a previously unseen tumbler to his lips before apparently thinking better of it and tossing the contents onto the grass beside him. She almost supressed a snort at the action which somehow managed to be both poignant and ridiculous at the same time. She moved back inside, taking care not to make noise and settled herself back into bed. The room smelt comforting she noticed, the effect of the candle still lingering as she drew the covers tightly over her. It wasn't too long before she fell back to sleep.
Cat stood on the stage, the wide smile on her face threatening to dim as she scanned the crowd for her best friend. Her song had gone down well, everyone was on their feet and cheering but Cat couldn't help but feel the disappointment that Jade hadn't showed up. She'd been so sure she would. She took another small curtsy and ran into the wings, allowing Tori and Robbie to take turns embracing her and passing out compliments on her performance.
"You should seriously sing more often Cat; you sound so good!" Tori gushed, her own performance only one act away. Cat smiled and let herself chatter excitedly in reply before feigning to watch the next performance, a freshman trio singing Frank Sinatra. She berated herself for being selfish for wanting Jade to be there when she clearly wasn't ready, but another part of her was berating Jade equally as hard for letting her down. She felt tears prick at her eyes and quickly excused herself, feeling ashamed and not wanting anyone to see her cry. She climbed down the steps to the stage, trying to get a hold of herself when a flash of dark hair and leather jacket caught her eye.
"You sounded pretty good out there Cat."
"JADEY! YOU CAME!" Cat exclaimed, throwing herself at her friend who materialised from the shadows between two trees. To her credit, only a small grunt escaped Jade at the impact to her shoulder and she hugged Cat back without complaint.
"I thought you didn't come."
"And miss everyone else embarrassing themselves on stage? How could I not?" Jade's familiar sarky reply made Cat's grin even wider, knowing that her real reasons were definitely the opposite.
"Yeah we thought we'd be cool and hang out in the background this time." Beck spoke up, also moving into the light from where he'd been perched on the back of his truck. Cat realised he's parked it deliberately in the shade where the bright stage light overspill didn't reach but you still had a pretty good side view of what was happening on stage.
"I knew you would come, no one else thought you would but I knew it!"
"Yeah, well." Jade offered by way of explanation. It had actually been up in the air until only a few hours before, unsure if she wanted to risk it with the majority of the student population being present. It had almost been enough for her to decide against it but Beck had made the suggestion of arriving late and parking up in the staff car park so they could be near the stage but with much less chance of being noticed. She knew it had been his plan all along when they'd arrived and he'd produced the picnic blankets, soda and snacks as he'd opened the tailgate for them to sit on.
Beck motioned for an all too excited Cat to join them on the now cramped tailgate as applause met the end of the trio on stage but Cat shook her head.
"I have to go find Robbie, Rex was making him really nervous about performing" She bit her lip for a moment, obvious disappointment flashing across her face. "You'll still be here later?"
Jade nodded briefly and then, "Wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to see Shapiro embarrass himself."
Cat was too happy to even admonish her friend for her comments, knowing there was really no heat behind them.
As Cat bounded off, Jade returned to the back of the truck the slight chill in the air penetrating her leather jacket, well, Beck's leather jacket. They turned their attention back to the stage as Andre and Tori were just settling into position. As Andre struck the now rather familiar chords, Jade reached over to grab Beck's arm and put it across her shoulders, dipping her head to she could rest it on his own shoulder. It was a well-practiced gesture that almost transported Beck back to every other time she'd done it in various classes and social settings in the past two years, although he was still mindful to ease the pressure on her broken side. Tori's strong voice washed over him as he found himself almost totally distracted by the softness of Jade's hair against his neck and the smell that was so uniquely her. He was so distracted, he almost forgot to try to listen to the song that his best friend and girlfriend had worked so hard on.
He found a small smile gracing his face as he heard the lyrics, the subtle but strong piano accompaniment and his mind revelled in the cheesiness of the fact the song's very essence reminded him of his girlfriend, small but strong; although Jade wasn't a fan of having her height mocked. As far as Beck was concerned, she was the perfect height as her head fit perfectly under his chin.
The quiet spell was broken as the pair winced as the stage lights spilled out to the side, blinding them both slightly. Beck felt a moment of panic, unsure if they were being lit up like a Christmas tree, but their sheltered location meant that they were still hidden from the main crowd.
Jade didn't find herself holding her breath, more resisting the urge to roll her eyes as the lights hit them. The lighting technicians had an innate ability to hang lights so they just about did their job but somehow managed to be wonky at the same time. Anyone in the crowd would just have been treated to a view of the first few feet of the wings although whether they noticed with the admittedly captivating performance on stage. It was nearly over with just the bridge to go when Andre happened to look up and over the piano, directly through the wings and making eye contact with a now visible Jade. She offered him a small smile and Andre returned it with an almost face splitting one of his own, his pleasure at seeing his friend there for the performance of something she'd had a hand in making unrestrained.
Andre practically floated through the bridge, turning his attention back to Tori as she finished the final phrases to enthusiastic applause, none the wiser as to the observers set back from the side of the stage. He stood up to acknowledge the audience before leading Tori off the stage. His instinct was to take her over to where Jade and Beck sat, now concealed again with the change in stage lighting but he hesitated, unsure if Jade would want that kind of attention. Instead he smiled genuinely as Tori gushed over the performance and accepted her offer to go and get punch, certain that out the corner of his eye he could see Beck kissing Jade on the cheek. He allowed himself a small smile; maybe things were getting back to normal after all.
They'd already stayed longer than she'd planned but Jade was beginning to struggle against the tiredness even propped up against Beck's side. If it weren't for the fact that Cat kept coming and going, she would have insisted to Beck that they left a good half hour ago but it was a relief when Cat came over saying her mom was on the way to pick her up. In some ways the evening had played out like so many of those they'd had before with cuddling and occasional lazy kisses as they watched the various goings on. There was still no denying things were different now though, but neither Jade nor Beck were sure it was necessarily a bad thing.
As Beck started up the truck and headed towards the hills, Jade found herself in an oddly reflective mood with much less of the emotional turmoil she was used to feeling alongside it. To be honest, she was getting a little tired of the constant self-reflection recently.
"Do you think it's always going to be like this?" She uttered quietly as they pulled into the drive.
"Like what?"
"Different to before."
"Yeah, I think so."
Jade frowned, unsure that was the response she wanted.
"I don't think it will always be exactly like tonight, things are going to settle down more as-" Beck paused, trying chose his words carefully "As your recovery continues but I don't think we will ever go back to how it was before all of this."
Jade didn't frown harder at his choice of words; as irritating as the idea of continued recovery was, she knew she wasn't at the end of the process yet.
"Doesn't that bother you?" Jade questioned, a familiar stab of anxiety asserting itself.
"No." His reply was instant and she didn't doubt his honesty, although she didn't understand his answer either.
"Before, I thought I was so in love with you, I thought I knew everything about you and we were going to be together for many years to come. When things started to go wrong, it kind of tore me up that it was ending but then it moved beyond that, and I was almost apathetic by the end." He ran a hand through his hair, still holding Jade's gaze.
"When we were separated, I was moping not just because I missed you but because I couldn't imagine a way in which we'd get back together, I thought it was the end and we just weren't meant to be." He admitted, hoping the Jade would understand him.
"And now?" Jade's voice was barely above a whisper as she'd absorbed his words, hoping that she hadn't been drastically misreading the situation for the past few weeks.
"Now it's better than before, even with our respective issues." Jade snorted at that; the tension from before dissipating almost immediately.
"This time it feels like I am dating the real you, not that I noticed before but this time it feels more final, like we got here despite everything and it means so much more."
"I think I get what you mean." It wasn't that things had been bad before when Beck had been her escape; she'd loved that and held onto it with both hands. Now though, she felt no need to hide anything from him, she could be honest and she knew he was being honest back; the good, the bad and the ugly. She felt a rush of affection for the brown eyes she was staring into, a genuine smile on her face as she lifted a hand to his neck and pulled him closer in a loving embrace. It didn't take long for the kisses to turn from sweet to passionate and Beck withdrew slightly, raising an eyebrow in an obvious question. Jade shot a meaningful look at the front door before giving a light tug on his shirt, where her hand had come to rest. Beck's eyes darkened ever so slightly and they scrambled from the truck; Beck decided he'd clean it out in the morning as he took her hand and pulled her inside.
It was much later when they were cuddled up in bed, Beck slightly sweaty but clinging to each other none the less that Jade realised that she felt almost completely calm. She was under no illusion that her problems had been magically fixed by one evening out but for once, the feelings weren't threatening to overwhelm her. She stretched out in an almost cat-like fashion, much to Beck's amusement, before settling her head on his chest to peer at the night sky through the small gap in the blinds. The breeze wafting through the wi ndow smelt clean and fresh as Beck's heartbeat thudded steadily under her ear; a gentle tugging on her hair indicated Beck was twiddling the ends between his fingers. For the second time since they'd returned to the house that evening, Jade found herself smiling of her own accord.
"We should go somewhere tomorrow."
"Hmm?" Beck's sleepy voice was soft and warm.
"Just to get out, for a drive or a walk or something." Broad scenes of cliffs, blue sky and a calm sea flitted through her mind.
"Sure." Beck murmured, his arm tightening slightly around her as he drifted off to sleep. Jade allowed herself a small eye if fond eye roll before settling herself and allowing her eyes to flutter shut. Without even realising it, her breathing found its familiar pattern; calm and repetitive.
Her last thought before she dozed off was that it felt good to be able to breathe again.
Wow, I can't believe we are actually at the end. I never thought when I had a random idea in February that come October I'd still be writing it! I hope you liked the ending, it felt like the right place to leave it even though this chapter is a little shorter than my standard.
I'll be honest, the people who have reviewed have really kept me fuelled and enthusiastic for the story so my biggest thank you goes to them and everyone who has even clicked on the story. If you haven't said hello before now, it's never too late to let me know what you think if you fancy.
On the whole, without getting too mushy, I've had a lot of stuff to deal with since February and some weeks I didn't think I'd get a chapter out but knowing people were reading kept me going every time so thanks. I hope you've enjoyed the story.
