12/21/20
Hey all, been a lot longer than I wanted it to be but it always goes this way doesn't it? Blame Persona 4 and Age of Calamity and me honestly.
Anyway, this will be the last update of the year. I've got a busy work week ahead followed by Christmas with family, etc. etc. It's not to say I won't be writing, I'm definitely gonna do my best to make some progress between now and new year's. How much I can't say but I promise one thing: this story will end in 2021.
Until we get there, I thank all of you for all the support over this last year. I know it hasn't been easy for any of us, so thanks for taking the time to read my story and here is to 2021.
Chapter Forty
Routine - (Noun) A sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program.
September 24th, 2060
Elma woke early the next day, earlier than she would ever want to but she couldn't help it. The next part of her mission started now.
Heading into the jungle she decided it was best to keep up on her own training. While Indigens were still oddly rare in this region, if it came down to a fight she would rather be prepared.
In the midst of her exercises, she spotted Jaynix sitting on the same log as always, staring at nothing. As Elma continued to swing her blade and flow through her forms she thought about all the days she's spent here so far. It's been a little over a week since she and Jaynix had their battle and subsequent reunion.
In all that time she knew that she barely scratched the surface of the other woman's...difficulties.
Jaynix still limped around the jungle, her gaze was still unfocused and she frequently brought a hand to the side of her head, to her lost eye.
The injuries sustained throughout the four years alone were always a constant factor yet Jaynix did not want to to be treated. This was her Purgatory and her pain was her punishment.
Elma continued her exercises as she thought about the newest list she wrote down in her datapad. She wasn't sure how much longer she would be in this jungle with Jaynix but she had to prepare herself for the wait. It didn't matter how long it took as long as it led to one step for Jaynix's recovery.
Sitting alone, Jaynix watched Elma exercise for a few moments before looking elsewhere. A flash of a different kind of pain in her eye as she stared at something she'd long thought gone.
Returning to the camp, Elma cleared her throat.
"Do you eat, Jaynix?"
The woman remained still.
"I know that none of us have to but doing so reminds us of what we really are...you haven't eaten anything? At all?"
Jaynix opened her mouth to say something but thought against it. Letting out a long breath, she muttered.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you…"
Elma wasn't sure what that meant but the look in Jaynix's eye betrayed something. Elma stepped forward just as Jaynix turned to look elsewhere and spat.
"No!"
Jaynix looked back at Elma, seeing that shock and confusion in her face. Looking down at the floor, Jaynix fell silent, refusing to say another word for the next few hours.
On her own, Elma began searching the area farther from Jaynix's camp, given they destroyed the closest source of water over a week ago during their battle, Elma thought it best to locate another one.
Water was a great and plentiful resource for maintaining Mimeosome systems and treating injuries. Elma had to believe that the time would come when Jaynix would want to be treated, when it did, she would be ready.
While traversing the jungle, Elma took the time to scan whatever wildlife she passed by. Picking out whatever creatures could be edible or otherwise useful for treatments and such based on traits shared with the flora and fauna of the Origin Continent.
Thinking of the supplies she brought with her on the Ares, Elma was in no hurry to replenish or replace them but not knowing how long she'd be out here, she wanted to prepare for every possibility and eventuality.
Making notes and observations, Elma continued moving eventually finding herself breaking through a treeline and coming upon the edge of the jungle. Below her stretched a massive sheer drop leading to a gigantic chasm at the bottom of which a river snaked its way through the heart of the region. Elma's gaze moved from the treacherous chasm to the land across from her, the jungle breaking off into wide open and rocky plains not unlike Primordia.
Staring out at the land before her brought a task to mind that Elma had pushed aside one week prior.
Finding Jaynix was the main goal of course but she had other things she needed to do once she found her, yet they remained incomplete because she did not want to leave Jaynix's side for even one second.
She gave Jaynix the choice, to decide if they were to stay here or go somewhere else. If Elma was going to guide them to their destination she needed a better idea of where they were and where they had to go.
While she got the early work done and saved onto her datapad, having access to her Skell and the information it stored would help her to better plot out their potential course.
Nodding to herself, Elma pulled out her Skell control unit and summoned the Ares to her position. Getting into the Skell's cockpit she began accessing its archived data on Mira causing the machine to display a holographic image of the entire Planet.
Even after four years there was still a great deal unknown about Mira, FrontierNav had expanded with every month and every year that passed yet it still didn't encompass the Planet.
For a brief moment Elma thought of Professor B's satellite project. How far along had they come since he laid the foundation for it? Part of her wished it was complete, that'd give her a complete idea as to her whereabouts.
Shaking her head, Elma tapped several controls which revealed the Ares' flight path from NLA to where she was now. As expected the path ended on the Far Side of Mira.
She was as far away from NLA, her home and any other officially recognized regions as she could be.
Closing her eyes, Elma thought to Starfall once again. Firebird and the Vita were pulled into Mira's gravity, preventing either Skell from dislodging from the other. Jaynix had to have known that would happen, she was prepared to die in order to destroy the Ghost Skell.
The resulting blast from the Tandem Aghasura Cannon pushed Firebird deep into Mira's gravity well, the force was immense and as such Firebird was pulled apart and carried around the planet like a ship attempting a slingshot maneuver.
It all seemed so obvious now.
Elma thought back to the part of the jungle where Firebird sat, no doubt where it remained for four years. Jaynix survived a massive explosion and a devastating crash. Though she was fairly certain that some part of Jaynix wished that she didn't.
Shaking her head, Elma transferred the flight path data to her personal device and exited her Skell, once more ordering it to fly away and hide.
Looking down at her datapad with the new information she could better plot their course. Assuming Jaynix would decide on leaving the jungle.
One thing was immediately obvious to Elma, if they were to leave, they would need to traverse the wide oceans of Mira. Elma tapped her fingers along the datapad, thinking of how to solve that problem.
As she did so her gaze moved back to the sheer drop into the deep canyon. Staring down into the waters far below, Elma felt herself slowly being pulled towards it. Such a strange and familiar feeling.
Shaking her head, she pushed all her thoughts away and began heading back towards the camp. The past was in the past. She refused to let it drag her down again.
Elma's walk was quiet and thoughtful as most of her time seemed to be. It got her curious about a few things. She knew she still had to have more...regular conversations with Jaynix. Every word they shared could be the one that changes Jaynix's mind or at least gets her to believe that she deserves more than to suffer and die in this prison.
Nodding to herself, Elma reached the camp finding Jaynix who hadn't moved at all from her spot. Clearing her throat, Elma sat on the log across from her.
There was silence. Jaynix staring at nothing while Elma once more examined the woman with great interest as she often did.
The wear and tear was beyond evident, in her makeshift armor, the clothlike bits of her outfit, her skin. But it was most obvious in her eye. At times unfocused, at others she was lost in...something. The bright red gaze long lost to a dull color, no light or shine to be seen. To say nothing of the heavy shadows under her eye.
Elma wanted nothing more than to bring a little light back to Jaynix, no matter how small.
"It's been about a week or so since I found you."
Jaynix didn't react.
"I can't quite grasp that after four years we're together again...so much has changed for both of us but we're still here. Alive."
Elma sighed.
"I know things get heavy when we talk...I don't want that to be all that we have to say to each other. So I want to ask you something, Jaynix."
There was a small movement in Jaynix's face, her eye glanced in Elma's direction briefly.
"You've been here, alone for so long...how did you pass the days?"
Elma waited in silence for Jaynix's answer. At first all Jaynix did was stare at her. Minutes passed before Jaynix looked away, Elma could see her lips moving as if she was struggling to say something. Anything.
Bringing a hand to her chest, Jaynix shook her head. Elma could see the other woman's hand tighten, gripping her clothes with desperate force.
Elma knew asking about the pain would get her nowhere. Jaynix was not set to divulge anything vital as much as Elma needed that information.
"I don't know."
Elma snapped out of her thoughts as Jaynix sighed.
"There are…"
Jaynix brought a hand to the side of her head, waving it around in a circular motion.
"...gaps. It could be days. Weeks. Months. There is…"
Jaynix sighed, bringing her hand back to her lap.
"...there is a lot of time I can't recall."
Her mouth continued to move even though the words faded away. Closing her eye, she thought to herself about what she wanted to say. What she could say.
What did it matter what she told Elma? What could one person do against a million nightmares? A million traumas and a million scars?
"There is even more I don't want to recall…"
Opening her eye, Jaynix found Elma staring straight at her. That...understanding present in her eyes.
"The things I've been through don't compare to whatever it is you lived through Jaynix...but these last four years have...I've done things I'm not proud of."
Jaynix looked away as Elma continued.
"I've given in to desperation. Hysteria. Violence. Aggression. I single handedly brought an end to a horrible conflict...and I didn't feel any joy in that moment."
Jaynix's eye found its way back to Elma, disbelief in her expression.
"I don't like to dig those memories up but if you ever want to hear about it, I'll tell you...I promise."
Elma put on her best smile. A smile Jaynix could immediately tell was weak. False. That forced expression allowed Jaynix to realize that Elma was telling the truth. Something happened. Elma changed.
"I suppose this is heavy talk once again...I'm sorry."
Jaynix looked down at the ground, saying nothing.
"What do you remember about your time here, Jaynix? Even if there was a day that you spent standing in one place, I'd like to know. Anything."
Elma waited in silence for what felt like hours. Jaynix's eye continued to drift in every direction. Sometimes she was staring at Elma, curious. Other times she was staring at nothing. Then there were times when something caught her attention and stoked her rage but only for a brief moment.
Elma had no idea how much time passed when Jaynix spoke.
"Where did you go earlier?"
Elma raised an eyebrow before answering.
"East."
"Then you saw it."
Elma wasn't sure what Jaynix was implying.
"One day…"
An empty smile formed on Jaynix's lips.
"...I threw myself into that canyon…"
Silence.
Jaynix stole a look at Elma's face.
Horror.
Jaynix couldn't help but laugh.
The roaring waters of the city's heavily fortified dam drowned out anything and everything else. There was only the rush of the water escaping the Habitat Unit into the oceans of Mira.
Elma stood on the edge of the dam, looking into the endless blue. Looking for any sign of him. There was none to be found. It's been as such for the week since the final battle. Since the final victory.
While everyone else toasted, celebrated, cheered and prepared to move on with their lives, Elma stood in silence looking down into the ocean.
She wasn't sure where the idea came from.
She wasn't sure why she thought it.
But it was there.
What if...she fell?
What if she took that one step.
Would the emotions threatening to tear her heart in two finally stop?
She'd already screamed.
She'd already cried.
A week has passed and she was numb to it all.
Irina's concern. She wore that openly on her face, every word was laced with it.
Kruse. Gwin. L. Frye. There was worry in their eyes where there was once happiness.
This wasn't what they expected to happen after the end of this battle yet this is what they were faced with and none of them knew how to respond.
Elma couldn't blame them. She didn't either.
But maybe this was her answer.
Elma stepped ever closer to the edge of the dam, it didn't feel like she was controlling her body.
Closing her eyes, she felt nothing.
The idea of what was to come however...it brought her peace.
Fire lit, the jungle clearing was filled with a small burning light. The gentle breezes that pushed through the trees disturbed the flame ever so slightly. Jaynix sat on her log this night, unmoving as with every night.
Yet while she was completely still, her mind would not rest. Add to this the dancing shadows taking shape and approaching her. Demanding explanations and apologies, recognition and realization. All things Jaynix refused to give. They were all noise, getting in the way of her search for an answer to one question.
Why did she laugh?
Clenching her hands into fists, Jaynix struck the side of her head in an attempt to stop the noise. As expected, it did nothing.
Not too far from the camp, Elma stood in the jungle. She had lost all track of time, for all she knew multiple days could have passed. Maybe that's what happened to Jaynix.
Leaning against a tree, Elma knew one thing for certain, she was emotionally spent. She had hoped to open a real conversation with Jaynix. To finally have something simple and easy to talk about and instead she was faced with another realization. Deep down she knew that she had absolutely no idea what she was doing.
Closing her eyes, she found herself once more unable to stop thinking about what Jaynix admitted to doing to herself. Her mind ran wild imagining the scenario and it was always on the verge of bringing her to tears.
Perhaps a reason this was affecting her so much was that in a dark corner of her mind, locked away and forgotten, she knew exactly why Jaynix did what she did.
As always when she found herself lost in thought, those same old voices returned to her. It was her own voice telling her in as many ways possible that all of this was her fault. If she had just found Jaynix sooner none of this would have happened.
But they had to get in her way.
The Ganglion.
Luxxar.
The Remnants.
Badul.
Nagi.
Elma's hate, frustration and anger left her body immediately. Replaced with cold and unfeeling shame. Closing her eyes she leaned back against the tree and slid to the ground.
Free of conflict, doubts and thoughts she allowed herself to cry.
September 25th, 2060
The sun came up and hung directly overhead, the late afternoon spurred Jaynix. Though she didn't sleep, her eye had been closed the entire time. She wasn't sure when but the voices stopped and the shadows retreated. They'd be back. This she knew.
The odd thing was the jungle felt too...dead. Her Purgatory was always dead yet since Elma arrived, there was some small...light. That light may have been snuffed out yesterday. Part of Jaynix regretted that but another part knew she didn't deserve it.
Glancing around the camp, she didn't find Elma and given how quiet it was, the other woman was clearly not training. Jaynix made a move to stand before feeling something in her chest and abdomen ache. An old pain flaring up once more. Clenching her teeth she tried to force herself to walk but one of her legs refused to cooperate. With no other options, Jaynix began limping out of the camp and towards the trees.
It didn't take her long to find Elma, the woman was lying on the ground fast asleep. Though the wear on her face and the stains beneath her eyes revealed that she didn't rest.
"Look what you did."
Jaynix turned slightly.
"Why?
"She's trying to help you."
"Take her hand."
"Kill her."
"Run away."
"Kill."
Shaking her head, Jaynix knelt down in front of Elma. Her gaze locked on the woman's throat. It would be so easy to be rid of her.
Cursing, Jaynix shook her head. That's not what she wanted. That's what they wanted. That's what it wanted. Not her.
Taking a deep breath, Jaynix nodded.
She didn't deserve Elma's presence. Her companionship. But...she wanted it. If only to see her bright blue eyes every day and bring some small semblance of light into her life.
"Stop fooling yourself."
"Liar."
"You showed her just how much you value her light yesterday."
"She'll wake and leave.
"Please."
"Don't give up."
"Reach out."
Jaynix felt the ghost of a touch along her back, she refused to face it. She needed to ignore it. She needed something to divert her attention. She needed something to silence the lies. She needed something to silence the truth.
Reaching out she took hold of Elma's shoulders and shook her roughly. Her voice struggled to escape as she called out the woman's name.
Elma came to, staring up at her dazed and confused.
Those eyes. Those beautiful bright blue eyes searched Jaynix's face. The weariness, the sadness, they began to fade as that familiar concern returned.
Elma brought one hand up and placed it on Jaynix's, on the one that was nothing but cold, unfeeling metal. Elma didn't flinch or pull back, she held on tighter.
For a minute, Jaynix felt the weight of everything she bore fade away. Closing her eye, she relished the brief taste of freedom.
At Elma's suggestion, the pair took a walk through the jungle, something they could do that was simple and calming. Both of them desperately needed it even if it helped only a little.
While they walked side by side, Elma couldn't help but notice that Jaynix was farther away than she needed to be. It seemed that no matter how many times physical contact was made, it wasn't something that Jaynix wanted to happen regularly.
Glancing around the trees, Elma cleared her throat.
"How far out have you ventured?"
She waited. At least a few minutes passed before Jaynix's lips moved.
"Not far."
Elma didn't need to ask why. Given how much damage Jaynix no doubt sustained in the crash, she must have lost most of her protoplasmic fluids early. That meant she couldn't venture far from the crash site without risking a complete shutdown. Firebird's reserve unit was her only hope so she had to stay close.
"But the unit was empty."
Elma looked over at Jaynix once more, the other woman's eye was focused on the jungle in front of them and she made no move to look back at Elma.
"Jaynix...did you know that there was a village to the west? It's not too far...they must have seen your crash. Did no one come looking for you?"
Elma waited. The situation seemed like something that would've happened but thinking back to the state of the village, it was possible it was destroyed before Jaynix even crashed.
"No."
Jaynix shook her head.
"I've been...alone…"
The pair continued walking for a few more minutes, Jaynix slowed to a stop, looking at a line of trees. Elma followed her gaze. Was she looking at something else once more?
Elma thought of the deep canyon she saw while exploring on her own. If that's where Jaynix...then it's a miracle she recovered and climbed back up. Then again, even her surviving alone for four years seemed like such an impossible task. Elma couldn't help but feel that she was missing something.
"Jaynix. I looked into Firebird...the reserve unit was empty."
Jaynix didn't look back at Elma, still focused on the trees.
"I don't know when it ran out but...it's been empty for a long time. Realistically, you should have shut down already. Do you...do you know why you're still…"
Elma's voice faded. That was a poor question to ask.
"I'm sorry."
More time passed before Jaynix turned to look at Elma.
"I don't know."
Jaynix's face was so dark, rough and scarred. She always looked so tired. Part of Elma knew that would make it hard to tell if Jaynix was lying or not, but another part of her did not want to think about her friend lying to her. She wouldn't.
Would she?
Jaynix brought a hand to her chest, Elma could see that she was having a hard time breathing. Moving closer she offered her help. Jaynix refused, legs shaking she limped towards a tree, using it to hold herself up.
Once the pain passed, Jaynix let out a long raspy breath. Returning to Elma's side, she waited for her to lead the way and so the pair continued their walk. Elma couldn't keep her worries and concerns silent, she watched Jaynix's attention move from tree to tree, to something hidden in the shadows. Something that wasn't there.
As the sunlight faded, both women began their return to the camp. Along the way, Elma prepared to say something only to be cut off.
"I never believed him."
Hearing Jaynix speak out of nowhere surprised Elma so much she couldn't even respond.
"Something more…"
Jaynix came to a stop, Elma doing the same. She watched Jaynix as best she could but standing on Jaynix's left side meant that she couldn't see her one eye. Her lips were visible and she was struggling to form words. Her teeth clenched. Whether it was out of frustration or anger, Elma couldn't tell.
"What 'more' is there?"
Jaynix shook her head.
"There's nothing."
Turning to face Elma she did her best to keep her voice steady.
"He was wrong."
Falling silent, Jaynix continued ahead on her own. Elma watched her go, she knew she could call on Frye's words once more. The belief that he shared with his father that death wasn't the end.
Elma was Frye's 'something more'. Everyone who survived that night because of him were 'more'. He wasn't wrong.
However, saying this meant telling Jaynix that Frye was dead. Part of Elma wanted to believe that with everyone else close to Jaynix dead, this reveal wouldn't shake her. But there was no compassion in that thought. Even if she didn't show it, this would stir something.
Elma didn't think Jaynix was ready. Not yet. Following Jaynix back to the camp, Elma caught up with her and spoke.
"Believe in me."
Jaynix turned to her.
"Whatever hope you have left, no matter how deep it's buried. You can trust me with it. I swear."
Jaynix's eye searched Elma's face. No further words were spoken. Night closed in around them as they returned to their places in the lonely, quiet camp.
September 26th, 2060
Any peace the next morning could bring was broken by a horrible scream.
Elma shot up from the ground immediately with only one thing on her mind.
Jaynix.
Elma moved as quickly as she could, faster than she had this entire week. It didn't take long to find Jaynix not too far from the camp. She was on the ground, holding the sides of her head and screaming, her cries shattering the very air around them.
At her side, Elma placed a hand on Jaynix trying to rouse her from this torture, Jaynix pulled herself away from Elma's touch, screaming to be left alone and for something or someone to shut up.
Elma moved closer again, calling out to her. In turn, one of Jaynix's arms shot out, her palm made contact with Elma's chest, the force that followed was overwhelming. All the wind was knocked out of her as Elma was thrown across the camp and hit the ground.
"Don't touch me!"
Standing, Jaynix drew her blade. Aiming the weapon towards Elma while holding the side of her head with her other hand. Elma refused to stand or draw her weapons, instead holding her hands up to show she meant no harm, even as Jaynix stalked towards her, the edge of her blade drawing near.
"This was you! What did you do to me!?"
Elma shook her head.
"Jaynix, what's wrong?"
Jaynix stared at her, anger burning brightly before her gaze moved elsewhere.
"Don't talk to me!"
Jaynix faced Elma once more, deciding on what action to take before turning and limping away. Elma remained in place on the ground, watching as Jaynix disappeared into the trees.
Darkness was the enemy.
Specters hiding in every shadow.
Sleep was unforgiving.
Vivid moments of torture and loss replaying over and over without end. Graphic and dire.
Silence was louder than anything else.
The loneliness, the isolation threatened to shatter whatever sanity and sense of self remained.
There was nothing but despair, hatred and the demon.
The despair that brought her to tears and senseless wailing.
The hatred that gave way to destruction.
And the demon.
The hunter.
The thing that wanted to snuff out what small life remained inside her heart.
Every moment of every day for who knows how long was torture. Every moment was punishment.
She didn't know when she realized that this was her Purgatory, but recognizing why this was happening brought her understanding.
She made sense of the senseless.
Minutes had passed, Elma couldn't tear her gaze away from where Jaynix had vanished. She wanted to follow her yet some part of her wanted to leave Jaynix be, at least for a moment. She found herself stuck in a looping argument as to what she should do.
Taking a deep breath, Elma closed her eyes and thought. She wanted to give Jaynix time and space, of course she did. As much as Elma wanted to be by her side she didn't want to suffocate the other woman either.
But Jaynix needed the company, she needed the help to overcome her countless issues both physically and mentally. Elma knew that she couldn't be the answer to everything, Jaynix needed time to think and hopefully enough time to realize that Elma's companionship was important. Maybe she already knew that.
Opening her eyes, Elma stood up. Whatever happened next, Elma wanted to be there for her. Nodding to herself, she moved into the trees.
The path through the jungle seemed relatively normal, there were faint traces that someone had stormed through the foliage, broken branches and such.
Elma scanned every tree, searching for any sign of Jaynix. The jungle was eerily silent, whatever wildlife normally occupied the space may have been frightened by Jaynix's presence.
The farther Elma traveled, the more the jungle began to change. One tree was torn from the ground by its roots, another was cut to pieces. As she continued moving, more and more trees were subjected to the same fate. Traces of flames painted the grass at her feet a dead black.
The walk continued well into the afternoon until Elma found Jaynix sitting on the ground, her back to a tree. The Reaper was mumbling something to herself while staring blankly at nothing.
Elma stood aside, watching her. Jaynix made no motion to even recognize Elma's presence. It was as if she wasn't truly present. Taking a deep breath, Elma moved forward and sat down against the same tree if only to let Jaynix know that she was there for her.
Hours passed before Jaynix turned to look at her. It was one brief glance before she looked away. The rest of their time together was spent with her staring at nothing and whispering to herself.
September 27th, 2060
"What did you do to me."
Elma snapped out of her drowsy state, turning to Jaynix. She still hadn't looked away from whatever she was staring at but the question had to be aimed at Elma.
"What do you mean?"
"I thought you were here to help me."
"I am. Jaynix, what's wrong?"
Silent, Jaynix struggled to stand. Elma got up and reached over to help her up. Jaynix refused her assistance, instead pushing herself against the tree to force herself to her feet.
Elma waited, patient as ever as Jaynix stared off into empty space.
"You're wrong."
Before Elma could ask, Jaynix turned to her.
"What did you put in me?"
"It...a new proprietary fuel for Mimeosomes. It's...it's standard, Jaynix. There is nothing off about-"
"You're lying."
Elma tried to respond only for Jaynix to turn away.
"Shut up! I didn't ask you!"
Drawing her blade, Jaynix walked away from Elma and towards one of the trees.
"Stop it! Now!"
Jaynix blade flashed and the tree fell apart, then another one, then another one. All the while Jaynix screamed at something or someone, demanding that they be silent and leave her alone.
What was she seeing?
Elma closed her eyes, reaching the obvious answer.
Who was she seeing?
Several names came to mind immediately. Elma didn't know what they were saying to Jaynix but it had to be something pulled from Jaynix's own memories and twisted to torment her.
Opening her eyes, Elma moved after Jaynix as she continued to cut down trees and scream. Taking a deep breath, Elma called out.
"It wasn't your fault!"
Jaynix's blade froze, she turned to Elma.
"It wasn't."
"You can hear them?"
Elma tried to answer only for Jaynix to advance on her, Elma could see her grip on her blade tighten, she could see anger in her eye.
"You did this to me!"
"No, Jaynix-"
Feuervogel cut through the air, Elma narrowly avoiding it.
"Why!?"
Elma moved away, avoiding the wild strikes as best she could.
"I didn't do anything, Jaynix. This is-"
Letting loose a savage roar, Jaynix charged forward, slamming her shoulder into Elma's chest, throwing her to the ground. Struggling to catch her breath, Elma watched Jaynix turn away and shout something at nothing.
Jaynix's screams went from angry and filled with rage to desperate and full of fear. Elma heard her voice crack as Jaynix fell to her knees, dropping her blade.
Hands on the side of her head she tried to drown the voices out, whatever it is she was hearing. She screamed, loud, raw and violent.
After her screams came the apologies.
After the apologies came the tears.
And after that, Jaynix fell silent and collapsed.
September 28th, 2060
Jaynix didn't wake.
Elma brought her back to the camp and watched over her for most of the day.
Late in the afternoon, Elma left very briefly to gather anything that looked edible. Returning to camp she approached Jaynix's hidden storage, the same adhesive was still there as were several other assorted items. Elma placed the fruits there and concealed the storage again.
At Jaynix's side once more, Elma took a deep breath and sat down.
September 29th, 2060
Jaynix remained unconscious, Elma had the Prog Ares search overhead for a new reservoir of water and not long after that she had the location. It was to the east of their position and not far at all.
It was a small thing but it brought a faint smile to Elma's face. Making note of the location for later, she sat back down at Jaynix's side.
September 30th, 2060
The black of night gave way to the world of dreams. Elma heard the familiar roaring water of the dam. She heard his taunting voice, she saw him prepare for battle.
She screamed, she raged, she charged and she killed.
A monster wearing her face emerged that day.
Escaping that nightmare, Elma shook her head and cursed. She hated that memory. It wasn't her. Disappointed and disgusted with herself, Elma looked to Jaynix who remained unconscious. Elma spent the day trying to wake her, the fear that Jaynix was being tormented in her mind right now was too much for Elma to bear. The longer she remained in her state, the greater chance that when she woke she would be...lost.
Elma refused to believe it, she didn't come this far to lose her now.
Moving next to Jaynix, she placed a hand on her head and spoke in a quiet, soothing tone. Sharing memories from Earth. It was a chaotic time but there was peace to be had. There was happiness and they were content. Elma hoped that those memories could reach Jaynix even now.
October 1st, 2060
Elma had become a little too familiar with her new schedule. Fetching small supplies, familiarizing herself with the jungle and watching over Jaynix. Every day was like this.
Elma's fears still dwelled within. Jaynix's waking moments were torturous, as hard as the woman tried to fight them; there was no overpowering something born from within.
In her unconscious mind, she had no way to defend herself from whatever memories and people surfaced. Too many names, too many figures. People she loved. People she hated. Even after death they all wielded incredible power and Jaynix had no way to resist them.
"You know…"
Elma's voice broke the silence.
"I've been trying to think of something meaningful to tell you, Jaynix."
She smiled.
"But there aren't that many secrets I still hold that you aren't privy to...my identity of course but beyond that, I let you know a lot about me even indirectly. I trusted you. I still do."
Elma sighed.
"I told you about that day. In the park. I know that you know what you saw wasn't this face. You already know what I really am...but you...don't care."
Elma tilted her head, thinking.
"Or rather...you can't care. You're so occupied by whatever torments every waking moment of your every day that you spared no thought over my identity."
Elma chuckled.
"You were so small back then. All those years later when we reunited at the Reaper's camp...I can't believe I didn't recognize you. Taller, stronger, beautiful...but those same piercing red eyes…"
Elma shook her head.
"Eye. Even though you only had one, the emotions you could express were so powerful. How I forgot that gaze will forever elude me…"
Elma placed a hand on Jaynix's head once more, running her fingers through the dirty red mane.
"Come back to me, Jaynix…"
Closing her eyes, Elma continued to whisper. Hoping above all that her words reached Jaynix.
October 2nd, 2060
It was far too early in the morning when Elma woke, something startled her. An Indigen perhaps? Or something else. Looking at Jaynix first, Elma could see something different. Her face was gentle, relaxed. Leaning in, Elma could feel her breathing, she was no longer unconscious but sleeping. That was good.
Standing, Elma stretched, feeling relief in her arms and back as she turned about. Her position had been incredibly poor these last few days.
Hearing something strange, Elma turned towards the dense trees and the makeshift path leading back to Firebird. Casting one more look at Jaynix, Elma brought one hand to the blade at her side and began moving through the jungle.
It didn't take long to reach Firebird but it was then that Elma heard something else. Zeroing in on the sound, Elma continued moving. She realized that what she was approaching was the mound of dirt hidden amongst the trees. Her grip on her weapon tightened as she drew ever closer.
She heard the sound, small and faint. Quickly she advanced and drew her blade, the ether lighting up the forest. She saw it then, what looked like a rat trying to drag some prize away. Upon seeing the light of her blade, the rat abandoned its quarry and disappeared into the trees.
Letting out a sigh of relief, Elma turned to the mound of dirt. Her light casting shadows on the mountain of waste gave it a more...ominous look.
Something in the dirt seemed to catch the light, whatever it was it was jutting out of the dirt, it must've been disturbed by the rat.
Turning around, Elma studied the quiet jungle. She wasn't sure why she expected someone else to be present but there was an odd lingering sense all around her.
Putting her blade away, she turned back to the mound of dirt. Nodding to herself, she took hold of the object buried within and began working to pull it free.
Elma maintained a careful and slow pace, stopping the moment some of the dirt came loose. She did not want to cause a collapse. Why she cared so much about what seemed to be trash she didn't know, but she was fairly certain Jaynix would not be happy.
It wasn't much longer before the object was free. Now in her hands, Elma turned it about to examine it. Whatever it was it seemed to be made of wood. It was old, worn and clearly eaten by whatever kinds of insects were living in the mound of dirt.
Despite the strange scenario, Elma could fight off the sense that there was something familiar about the object in her hand. Given how damaged the edges of it were, it was part of a bigger object. Something that had been broken in two, maybe more pieces.
Placing it on the ground, Elma knew she'd get no more out of it but she'd keep it in mind to ask Jaynix later. Whenever the woman was open to answering questions. Turning to walk away, Elma stepped on something, she felt it snap and crumble. Looking down she moved her foot off of whatever it was.
Raising an eyebrow, Elma knelt down, igniting her ether blade once more to better examine what it was. The shattered bits at her feet were brittle and old. A pale color was obscured by dirt. Taking one of the bits in her hand, she ran a finger along it. Something about it seemed familiar as well.
Examining the bits on the ground again, she tilted her head. What was it before she stepped on it? Elma went to pick up more pieces, staring at the back of her hand she noticed something.
The pale pieces seemed to match up to her outstretched hand. Elma placed her hand on top of them, there were chunks missing but it was close enough.
Was this what the rat was trying to get away with? Where did it get this from?
Standing and turning, Elma's eyes fell on the mound of dirt once again.
Any thoughts she had were interrupted by a familiar sensation of dread crawling up her back, spinning around she brought her blade up, the light of the ether casting shadows over Jaynix's face.
She fought hard not to yell, she buried that fear and shock, clearing her throat as best she could, her voice however failed to make itself known.
The pair stood watching each other before Jaynix spoke. A low whisper.
"Did you see?"
Elma raised an eyebrow.
"See what?"
Jaynix moved closer, Elma fought the urge to move away. Something inside her was telling her to run, her internal warning lights were flashing and she felt that dread stronger than ever.
Jaynix was so close, their noses were almost touching. Elma kept her gaze on Jaynix's one eye.
The pair stood there, staring at one another until Jaynix's blank expression gave way to pain. Stepping back, Jaynix brought one of her hands to her chest.
The dread and fear vanished almost immediately. Elma placed a hand on Jaynix's arm and silently guided her back to the camp.
Those sensations were the same ones that flooded her body when Jaynix first attacked her. The Jaynix that stood before her was...different. Elma wasn't sure how or why but it scared her not knowing.
Reaching the camp, Elma helped Jaynix over to one of the sleeping bags she offloaded from the Ares. Anything to make this situation even slightly more comfortable.
Jaynix was in no condition to argue as she laid down and Elma sat at her side.
Jaynix said nothing, yet it wasn't as silent as Elma had expected. She heard the sounds of the night, insects, a steady breeze and the rustle of the trees. The deathly silence that had been following her since Jaynix fell unconscious finally left. She was grateful for that.
Taking a deep breath, Elma spoke.
"I swear to you. I didn't do anything to harm you. I never would."
Elma waited, watching as Jaynix's eye found her.
"You didn't mean to…"
Jaynix looked away.
"...but you did."
Elma couldn't find a response. So she said nothing. Simply watching as Jaynix closed her eye. The pain that flared up within her seemed to die away and offer her a brief respite.
At the very least, that was good.
Elma remained at her side for the rest of the night. Her gaze slowly moving towards the treeline, in the direction of that strange mound of dirt.
That frightening presence made itself known once more.
"Elma."
Her room was silent. Elma sat on her bed, staring at the wall, lost in thought. She barely registered Irina's voice, the concern present as it's been since they returned home from their victorious campaign.
"Elma...please, talk to me. To us."
Elma swallowed, but her voice failed.
She knew why they were concerned and confused. Anyone would be. They exterminated the Ganglion, in response a new force rose from the ashes and waged a desperate war for what? Vengeance? Elma didn't care.
Badul told her what his aims were.
She heard none of it. She didn't want to.
Thinking of him brought it all back.
The dam. The sounds of clashing metal.
The rage.
Shaking her head and letting out a long breath in an attempt to calm herself, Elma barely made out anything that Irina was saying.
"I'm fine…"
A lie and a terrible one at that, but it was all Elma could manage to say.
"Please. Let me in."
Elma shook her head. After all those years serving with Irina back on Earth. On the White Whale. On Mira. She did not want to be seen like this. By anyone.
Not until she could understand why.
"Let us help."
Closing her eyes, Elma retreated within. Deaf to everything else.
October 3rd, 2060
Elma sat down, her blade at her side and her morning exercises complete. Her gaze was on her datapad which was displaying Jaynix's status. At first glance it seemed that nothing had changed even after days of being unconscious and asleep.
The same two parts of Jaynix's Mimeosome didn't come up on the readings but everything else seemed to be correct. That is until Elma looked over Jaynix's Blueblood status.
She wasn't at a critical level or anything that required immediate intervention but she was at a significantly lower level than she should be. Not enough time had passed since she was given a full supply, there is no reason her body should be reading 80%.
"Where did it go?"
Elma's first thought was that Jaynix harmed herself but there was no evidence of that and Jaynix was unconscious for most of the time since she got the Blueblood integrated.
Was her Mimeosome rejecting it? Impossible. Blueblood was tested to hell and back, everyone at the MMC signed off on it. Doctor Falkan was heavily involved. It was perfect.
The Blueblood wasn't at fault. Plenty of Mimeosomes had been heavily damaged, repaired and readjusted to work with the Blueblood. This didn't make any sense.
Elma continued looking through the data, there was nothing to provide her with any more information on the matter. Nothing stood out to her save for the weapons readout.
Jaynix's blade came up on the reading, a fearsome weapon. As did that accursed pistol and the one bullet in its chamber.
Elma put the datapad away and tried to get the mental image forming out of her head. She didn't want to entertain that thought even for a moment. She was here to prevent that from ever coming to pass. She was here for Jaynix.
"Trouble sleeping?"
Snapping out of her thoughts, Elma looked at Jaynix. She was still lying on the sleeping bag but her eye was wide open and she was staring at her.
"How are you feeling?"
Jaynix sat up, slowly shaking her head. Elma knew that given everything she's seen since arriving here and finding Jaynix that asking that specific question was a waste of time. Still she couldn't help but vocalize her concern.
"Jaynix. I've been...I'm trying to find out what I did wrong. For you...but unless you tell me something about your state. About you. I can't help. You say this was my fault...how?"
Jaynix's gaze moved away from Elma, scanning the rest of the camp. Looking for something.
"Jaynix."
After a long silence, Elma stood up and walked over to Jaynix, holding her hand out. She waited. Watching as Jaynix stared at her hand before finally taking it.
Having spent the last few days familiarizing herself with their surroundings, reaching the cliff's edge was easy. Elma and Jaynix stood near the edge, the deep canyon sprawling out below.
Time seemed to stand still and fly by as the silence stretched on. Elma could only guess what Jaynix was thinking, as for herself, she was trying to convince herself with going through with her story.
"Is what you told me true?"
Jaynix looked down to the bottom of the canyon, to the lonely river below. Faint images flashing through her head. Reaching over she took hold of her arm as if remembering some old pain.
Taking a deep breath Elma moved closer to Jaynix.
"What do you think of me, Jaynix? How did you see me before? How do you see me now?"
Jaynix tightened her grip on her arm.
"Did you think I was...infallible? Perfect? Was there ever a time I seemed...weak?"
Jaynix's memories were fuzzy, being alone for four years, suffering through the torment, things began to blend and things began to fade.
There were very few people, very few moments that remained untarnished by her time spent in Purgatory.
"The few moments I recall...you stood tall…"
Jaynix shook her head.
"I…"
"That's fine. That's enough...don't force it."
Elma's gaze moved to the edge of the canyon once more.
"There was a time…"
Elma felt a massive weight on her chest as a subject she'd long tried to forget and buried made itself known.
"It was...a year and a half after we crashed on this planet."
Jaynix nodded but remained silent.
"I spent a few months...in deep depression."
Jaynix turned slightly.
"It was hard. It was one of the hardest times of my life. Nothing could bring me joy even though I should have been happier than ever...I just...I was always on the verge of tears. Of anger. Or worse...of nothing…"
Elma recalled seeing her own face in the mirror. Foreign. Unfamiliar.
"Irina. Gwin. Frye. Kruse. They stood by me. They did everything and more for me...they never blamed me, they never looked at me like a problem even though I absolutely was. I know I was."
Elma took a deep breath.
"I forced myself into action. Into aiding with BLADE's objectives. Expanding FrontierNav. Trying to find you. I did all of that while riddled with guilt and I…"
Elma looked down at the canyon before them, Jaynix did the same.
"...did you?"
"I thought about it."
Elma whispered. Admitting it. She felt that weight leave her chest.
"I thought long and hard about it a few times...for all my strengths. Everything that I've been through. If the enemy isn't something tangible...I'm as vulnerable as anyone else."
Elma looked at Jaynix who was staring back at her.
"Seems you and I are alike in that regard."
Jaynix studied Elma's face. While much of their past remained shrouded in pain and hate, Jaynix could never forget the look Elma was giving her.
"...you had them to help you…"
"I did. You were alone. In that we differ."
Elma moved closer.
"But I'm here now. I'm late. I know I am. I'm sorry. But I'm going to help you in every way I can. All I want is for you to let me in."
Jaynix looked away, something caught her attention as it always did. Something that wasn't there.
Elma moved forward and placed a hand on Jaynix's cheek. Gently, she moved her head so that they were facing each other once more.
"I'm not leaving you."
Jaynix closed her eye.
"You're going to regret your promises to me. Not today. Maybe not even in a year. But one day you will and I don't want that for you. It's easier if you just...stop."
"Never."
The pair stood there for what felt like hours before Jaynix nodded.
October 4th, 2060
At the camp, Elma brought supplies from the Ares to aid Jaynix in building a more serviceable camp. The sleeping bags were a start but tents were needed as was a more reliable fire and tools to cook and eat with.
Elma brought Jaynix to the new source of water the Ares had found while she was unconscious. The presence of fish led Elma to suggest building rods. She didn't have the materials with her as that wasn't something she imagined they'd need but there was plenty of wood in the jungle for makeshift rods or even just fishing spears.
Jaynix didn't reject the idea though Elma didn't imagine she'd partake. At least not yet.
As Elma worked on rearranging the stones and wood to improve the campfire, she noticed Jaynix limping towards the makings of her tent. Elma reminded her enough times that she would treat any and all injuries that Jaynix was suffering from and she was always met with rejection or silence.
She had to trust that Jaynix would come to her. One day. She could only hope that the day came before Jaynix lost control again.
October 5th, 2060
The next day came to find their work complete. Two tents stood steadfast in the jungle clearing with a few storage units full of assorted supplies. All of that along with the new fire made the camp feel much more like a living space. Warmer. More comfortable.
Despite all the improvements, Jaynix didn't express any outward joy. Even so Elma was certain that Jaynix did appreciate lying down on something that wasn't just the bare, cold and unforgiving jungle floor. Even if Jaynix continued avoiding sleep, the bags and such were far easier for her to rest on.
Sitting in front of a robust flame, Elma watched Jaynix. The shadows along her face were flickering as the flame continued to burn. She still seemed as tired as ever, worn and without faith. Yet this time, Elma could see the smallest hint of light in her eye. For now, that was enough.
Looking at the flame herself, Elma decided it was time to ask Jaynix about one specific thing and so she cleared her throat and began.
"You still remember that day in the park...when we first met, right?"
Jaynix nodded.
"...do you...have anything to say?"
Jaynix watched the flames. Her mind ablaze with how to respond. Yesterday was all about improving the camp, Elma didn't once force her to open up all day even though Jaynix had promised to do so. She agreed to being more open about the past four years.
Yet she hadn't asked. Elma was far too thoughtful. Unlike everything else however, that didn't upset Jaynix.
"You wanted to tell me...before…"
Jaynix looked up at Elma.
"You're a Xenoform."
Elma smiled.
"Yes. Keeping it a secret was something I decided to do after a lot of discussion with Nagi and Mira Torres back on Earth. At earliest, I would be open about it once we found a new home but for you I wanted to break that promise…"
Elma shook her head.
"I asked Nagi about it on the White Whale but he wasn't on board with it. After everything with you picking up my transmission and just...I approached him again but this time I didn't give him a choice. I told him that no matter what he thought, I had to let you know. He gave me one look and knew I was set on it."
Elma smiled.
"He wished me luck...but when the time finally came to tell you…"
Starfall replayed itself in Elma's head, forcing her to try to push it away.
"I wasn't able to…"
Jaynix's gaze returned to the flames as Elma cleared her throat.
"I'm glad I can tell you now. I am a Xenoform. A Watcher. If you ever want to know more about what I really am, feel free to ask. I'm done hiding everything about myself."
Jaynix nodded slowly. There was a long silence before she spoke.
"You aren't going to force a trade?"
Elma raised an eyebrow.
"A trade? As in a story of mine for a story of yours? No. You have to want to tell me or this won't work. Until then I'm sure you and I can settle into our new...life."
Jaynix looked around the jungle, shrouded in the night's darkness. Those same specters were still following her just outside the edge of her vision and just beyond the campfire's light.
"Life…"
Jaynix sighed.
"I don't see it as that."
"What do you see it as, Jaynix?"
The last Reaper shook her head.
"...waking death."
Falling silent, Jaynix sat in place and watched the flames for the rest of the night. Elma kept her gaze on her. Concern evident. Every step she believed they took towards some form of recovery revealed the road ahead. At this moment, Elma knew it was a sheer climb up an endless mountain.
Regardless, the process had begun and nothing was going to stop Elma from aiding someone who meant so much to her. Nothing.
Elma sat at the edge of the dam. Her mind whirling with thoughts she couldn't and didn't want to comprehend. Whether anyone heard her despair or not, she didn't care.
Lost within herself, she didn't hear the approaching footsteps. She barely acknowledged a presence now sitting next to her.
The ocean stretched on far before her, continuing over the horizon, the bright sun up above.
The only thing to rouse her from her thoughts was the feeling of a hand taking her own. Turning slowly, Elma came face to face with Irina.
How she found her, Elma didn't know. But that look in her eyes. There was a deep understanding. An acknowledgement of the pain Elma felt and in that moment, Elma recalled Irina's own struggles following Starfall. The darkness that chased her all during their first battle against the Ganglion.
Irina didn't need to say anything, just looking at her Elma could see that she knew. Everything.
Elma's gaze returned to the horizon, lost in the brilliant blues. Taking hold of Irina's hand in turn, she held on as tightly as she could.
For a brief moment, the despair was gone.
