Chapter 86

The Perfect Storm

Disclaimer:I don't own GG

Background: takes place in the episode where Lorelai is gone for the weekend and Rory eats in her house with Jess and Paris, which is when Dean comes, Jess leaves and they start fighting. All starts going down after that.

Warning: Some chapters may be really triggering

Note: What better time than a fresh new year to take this full circle? Planning on wrapping this in couple of chapters(it has so many chapters it can be a book by now...) and get a fresh start. There will be a new story that will continue Rory's recovery as well as include Lane and Abigail as main characters with their own main storylines. All the regular people like Paris and Sookie will be there of course. It will also serve as fresh chance to see how things between Luke and Lorelai will develop. For now, let's get back to where we left off...

1.

'Lane, you want something specific for breakfast?'

Lane, who was twisting and turning in Rory's bed, suddenly awoke and sat straight up. The voice was disorienting and it woke her up. For a moment in her dream, she was back home and everything was as it usually was, without her mom knowing. Then she awoke and sat up in the bed, Rory's room coming into sharp focus. For all intents and purposes, there were times when she'd gladly swap places with her best friend. The kind of freedom she had. This was not one of those times.

Every look around the room, it all just sharply reminded her she wasn't home. The strict rules of her mom and the long traditions of her heritage were just as part of her, as was her need to break rules to pursue the life she wanted. Everything here just reminded her why she was here. That she had disappointed and embarrassed not only her mom but a whole extended family of relatives looking up to her to do certain things, fulfill her family obligations. The pressure that came with that was bad, but without it, she felt untethered somehow, and more lost than ever. All she'd ever wanted was for her mom to know who she really was, and to approve of it, to be proud. She'd spend her whole life trying to simultaneously be a good daughter and who she wanted to be. She'd known on some level these things would clash somehow but...

She was shaking, suddenly cold- or way, way too distressed. She had no home. She officially had no home.

Her father had to be home soon, and she was hoping he would fix things. But a part of her was scared. She had this awful feeling in her gut like something bad would happen. Despite, in spite of all she'd ever done behind her mom's back, pursuing things had been easier knowing she always had a home to get back to. Despite all she did, she was still a kid. She'd known at some point she'd have to face the outside world- as well as her mom. Just not so soon. Not at the same time.

'Lane? Where do we stand on pancakes for breakfast?' It was Lorelai's warm voice, and it snapped her out of the thing haze of fears coming up one after another in short succession.

'Pancakes sound lovely!' She shouted back and got up to join Lorelai in their living room, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. At least she'd had where to sleep until her dad returned and her world returned to normal. At least she had Rory and her mom, which was always like a second mom to her. That was something. And soon, everything will return back to it's place. She sat on the couch next to Lorelai.

'Where's Rory?'

'Shower. She'll join soon. Breakfast is ordered, someone will bring it from Luke's soon. Thought you may like to eat in today. How are you doing?'

Lane blushed at the genuine concern and softness in Lorelai's tone. It felt comforting, but also sharply reminded her why she was here.

'I'm okay. My dad should be back tonight and then...'

'Sure. Well, Rory's still not back to school and considering last night I thought you girls would like to have a day in- or our- just to relax for a bit. Movies, food, whatever you want. Sounds good?'

Lane's eyes watered. She'd kill to get this kind of understanding from her mom. She nodded. 'Yeah. Sounds good.'

2.

(Rory)

The hot water was piercing her skin like sharp little needles, making her fair skin pink and sensitive. She didn't move, just pressed her hands against the plastic shower cabin for support as if this was the only thing keeping her from drifting into oblivion. Worried about Lane, she'd slept next to her, and for that time, everything had faded to the background for a while. She'd woken up pretty okay actually, and just went in for a quick shower. It was the first moment alone she'd had since she went out for the gig last night. She'd thought she was okay- she had been okay-she was- but she kept her hands pressed against the plastic, unable to make her hands move to actually reduce the heat of the water. She felt the hot piercing her skin and she still couldn't move. The picture in front her eyes kept blurring in and out of focus.

Move. You have to move.

She squeezed her eyes, pushing that feeling away, down. There was no space to think of it now. Everything was in and out of focus and she squeezed her eyes shut. That made it worse and the heavy smell of coffee, dark chocolate and gardenias hit her nose. Summer. Suddenly it felt like it was summer and she heard this low childish voice, 'Where are we going, uncle Derek?' 'Wanna play a game? Let's play a special game.'

She pressed her forehead and then her whole body on the plastic. It was spring, not summer. She's in Star's Hollow. In their home. Her home. Not...

She shivered despite the heat.

I'm home. I am home. I am home. It's spring. I am in my house.

She took a vanilla shower gel, put a little on a sponge- one of those exfoliating ones, and gently started spreading it on her skin. Vanilla. It was not...

The smell of coffee, dark chocolate, summer. The smell of cigarettes and something heavier, sour, coming closer over her under the blanket. Her stomach contracted in a small ball and she dug her fingers into the sponge, pressing hard, trying to push away the ... heavy weight moving over her in waves like the ocean, suffocating weight over her small body... she pressed the sponge harder over her skin, rubbing the skin, trying to stay present, oblivious at the red scratches she was leaving on her legs as she scrubbed... fingers, moving up her legs under her pink dress, her favorite satin pink dress covered in roses, ...

and hot water and a rough sponge against her skin. Her face scrunched up, trying to stay present and she dropped the sponge. She could feel the rough scratches on her skin, and it still didn't feel enough. Nothing felt enough. She dropped the sponge and kicked the wall, hit it with her hands in frustration and hopeless attempt at avoiding the flashes of sounds and feelings.

I'm home. I'm home, I am-

Be a good girl, would you? Be a good little- damn it, you little brat...

A shiver went through her body despite the heat, and she felt pressure, weight pushing over her, her body revolting against it. The memory was close, so close now. He was mad, something had- something was... she kicked the wall again, helpless to escape.

Finally, the memory broke, and she scrubbed her face, trying to ignore the fact that it wasn't wet just from the water. Trying to avoid thinking of what had just happened because if she did it felt like she'd never move forward, never eat anything again, never be able to stop crying. Trying to avoid the memory, whatever it meant. She felt ashamed. All she'd learned in the last months, all she'd learned in therapy, and just hearing his voice had gotten to her like this. She wrapped a towel around her body, still feeling only half awake, and small, tiny, and sat on the ground, exhausted. Somewhere in the background, her mom was saying something about pancakes in the kitchen.

3.

There was another knock on the door of the bathroom, a second one before she'd had heard it at all.

'Honey, do you want pancakes from Lukes, or something else?'

Her mom's voice, soft and warm like honey, finally reached her. She pressed her hands against the tiles and got up. Then she unlocked the door, and wrapped her hands around her mom, as she was, in the towel, still dripping, shivering like it was winter. It took her mom half a second to understand what was happening and she wrapped her hands warmly around her daughter, holding her tightly and caressing her hair. 'It's okay, honey, it's okay, you're okay, you're okay, I'm here, it's okay'

'I'm sorry, mom, I'm sorry, I'm s-' Rory started crying in relief, the cries broken by her trying to take a full breath through the panic. She was finally able to feel her body and her mom, holding her tightly in a hug. 'I'm here, honey, I'm here, I'm here, it's okay, you're okay. Let's get some food okay, and some co-' Rory shook her head, terrified.'N-no- no coffee.' 'Okay, okay, honey, it's fine, it's okay.'

Finally, her shivering body relaxed in the hug, and she pulled away, drying her face.

Her mom looked at her in worry. 'Honey, maybe we should talk first, before-'

Rory shook her head. 'No. Not now. Don't tell Lane. Her dad is coming tonight. Leave this for later.'

'You sure?'

'I don't- I can't- I need time anyway. Just g-g-g-' She shivered again and shook it off. 'Give me a moment please, go talk to Lane, I just n-n-need- a moment.'

Lorelai nodded but stood there for a moment more. 'Go, mom, please.' She nodded and went away, giving one more worried look to her daughter. Maybe it wasn't only Lane that needed a relaxing day after all.

4.

(later that evening)

There was a knock at the door, and Lorelai opened to Luke, who was carrying several bags and boxes of food.

'This is like the second time I'm delivering food here today. Also, Jess isn't around to deliver it, who knows where he went... are you having a party without me or some-'

'Or something.'

'What's with your face?'

"What's with my face?' Lorelai pressed her hands against her skin, trying to see if she had food or something. 'Do I have something...'

'No, no, I meant... what's wrong? You look tense.'

'Oh. So much- so, so much.'

'What?' It was rare that Lorelai left him speechless, but this definitely qualified.

'Come in. See. Help, if you dare.' Lorelai sighed in exasperation. This day had been way, way, way too much.

Flabergasted, he entered the living room. Old Looney Tunes episodes of Bugs Bunny were playing in the background. All the sitting space was taken by- what from first glance looked- like a lot of moody teenagers. Rory, Lane, Jess, and Tristan were all sitting- or rather sinking- in the couch and the available chairs around, all looking moody and sad, in a way that almost seemed funny.

'What-'

Lorelai shook her head. 'I can't. Give it your best. If you dare.'

'Hello? What's going on?' No one even looked at him, all of them looking at the TV, sinking in their own thoughts.

'Okay. Fine. Okay.' He paced in front of the TV, until Jess grunted in protest. Then he turned the TV off completely. "It's spring, it's sunny, none of yall is at work or at school, so why do you all look like I took your candy?'

There was another grunt from Tristan, and Lane gestured towards the TV, still not talking.

'O-o-okay. Someone start talking or I'm taking the remote back with me. Anyone want to fill me in?'

'My father is cheating again. And I have to be the one to tell my mom.' Tristan muttered.

'Okay. That's a start. Jess?'

'Mom's boyfiend- fiancee- took all her savings. And all my savings. And took off.'

'Lane?'

'My mom caught me in a lie. And now I'm broke and homeless and without a family until my dad comes back.'

'Rory?'

'Just let us watch.'

'Rory?'

'You and my mom went to see him. Like it wouldn't even affect me' She was clearly mad at him too.

Luke paced again and rubbed her face, starting to develop a headache already. 'You- I don't know you, so, ugh, go talk to your family. Never gets better by waiting. Go!'

Tristan muttered something in protest, but dragged himself to the door and left.

'Jess, you were supposed to work today. I get that what happened with your mom is bad, but you have a job, and you won't make back your money by watching TV. Go.'

When Jess had left too, Luke took a look at the girls and internally cringed at having to talk to them. He sat on the coffee table in front of them.

'Rory, I'm sorry we didn't tell you. But if you give your mom a chance, I'm sure we can sit down and talk through this.'

'And Lane, I'm sure you will resolve the issues with your family. And if you want, you can work in the diner. Jess isn't the greatest and even when you fight with your mom, she wouldn't want you broke or homeless. Of course, you can work with me. And of course, you always have where to stay in Star's Hollow. I'm surprised you need someone to tell you that. '

'Thanks, Luke! Really!' There was visible relief in Lane's face.

'And Rory, about..'

'Please just let us watch TV, Luke, ...'

Luke gave Lorelai a frustrated look, unsure what to say, and that is when there was another knock. They all gave each other confused looks. Lorelai opened finally.

'Lane? It's your mom.'

5.

Lane gathered all the braveness she could, and went to the door. Her mom's face looked like stone, ashy and unreadable. Lane knew her mom well, and had still never seen that expression and couldn't decipher what it meant.

'Mom? I'm happy you're here. I know what happened last night was bad- I know, I do! But really, I believe that if we just talked, even Dad would back me up I know-'

'I want you to come home. Follow my rules. When you grow up, and you live on your own, you can live in whatever way you'd like, but while you're in my house, you have to respect your family.'

'I know mom, I wanted to talk about that, and maybe we can reach a middle ground.'

'You come home, and you follow my rules, or you don't come at all.'

Lane looked at her, struck. She didn't really think this whole thing would last more than 2 days.

'Mom, please. Just wait for a little. Dad will back me up on that...'

'Lane, there was an accident. A plane crash. Your dad- he didn't make it. I'm all you've got. You have to come home.'