CALL ME JOKER

HARLEEN F. QUINZEL

Harleen Quinzel is a brilliant young psychiatrist who graduated from High School at the age of 16. She graduated from College at the age of twenty with a degree in Psychiatry. She is a also an Olympian class gymnast and black belt in Taekwondo. A very beautiful blonde woman standing at five feet seven inches, she also was a swimsuit model for a year.

At the age of 23 she moved to Gotham and got work in patient counseling at Arkhum Asylum. When Jack Napier came she was assigned to him by Warden Sharp. "Is this everything?" She asks the Intern walking to her office.

"Yes ma'am."

When she enters her office Jack is waiting. He sits in a chair mumbling to himself in a straitjacket. "Good morning Jack."

"Good morning Harley."

"That is not my name Jack…We talked about this."

"I know, but you would make a great Harley…Harley Quinn is you says I." She just stares at him, "You are no fun Doc…Oh fine Doctor Harley…Is there a Doctor Harley in the House."

"Thank you…Now Jack shall we talk about these today."

He frowns looking at the drawing of the Bat with a knife in it and blood dripping, "The Batman! The Batman! Anybody got a Bat in the belfries? Oh that's funny! Hahahahahahaaahaa."

"You seemed to have developed a fascination with Batman. Why?"

"He is what everyone should aspire to be…Someone who throws away his humanity and do what they want when they want."

"He's a criminal."

"Only because the law says so…Vigilantism is outlawed in Gotham, but so it was in Star City…How come the Green Arrow gets a pass and the Bat don't?"

"So you want to be like Batman."

"No he's fighting a losing war."

"Why is that?"

"Everybody has two sides Doc…The one we show our friends and family and the one we don't want anybody to see…Batman did it only in reverse. He wears the mask so that he can be free to as he pleases…And he hides the other him…I want to shed all the things that hold me back and let go! Be free…Don't you Doc…I mean under that pristine white coat and polished demeanor lies a sexy vixen just waiting to spread her legs and have a good time." She blushes and clears her throat, "I mean isn't that what Syndey Lopper meant…Girls just wanna have fun!"

"Excuse me I will be right back." She leaves a paper clip on her desk. She goes to the bathroom and pleasures herself. When she returns to smiles inside as the paper clip is gone.

"Have a good time Doc?"

"Jack I want to do some ink blots."

"Can I tell you a joke first?"

"Sure go ahead."

"A man calls the fire department, but when they arrive there is no fire. So when the Fire Fighters go inside the man starts the fire and the Fire Fighters all die in a blazing glory….Hahahahahahahaha!"

"That is not Jack."

"Well I think it is."

Later she is alone and speaks into her recorder, "Patient is getting worse. He is obsessed with Batman and has homicidal tendencies. He mixes humor with violence…Recommend he be transferred to Maximum security wing…"

JACK

He lies on his bed thinking about Harley naked. Then he thinks about the Batman, "Soon my friend! Soon…soon…soon…I will be free…And we will see which of us will rule the night." The orderly brings his lunch, but Jack does not move to take the tray from the slot.

"Hey Jack! Lunch time!" The Orderly looks in, "Shit!" He opens the cell and when he does Jack's eyes pop open. He had freed himself from his straitjacket. He turns and snaps the orderly's neck. Then he quickly takes his clothes, badge, and keys and places the straitjacket on him.

"Hey Garry what the fuck are you doing."

"This!" He jabs his fingers into the security guard's eyes, blinding him. He takes his gun and runs up the hallway to the utility closet. He mixes the chemicals and leaves. Soon the alarms sound. He grabs a nurse and shoots a Doctor twice, once in the head and once in the chest. "My God you're a screamer…I like that in a woman." He says fondling the Nurse.

"Please let me go."

"Shut the fuck up and open the door." She screams as an explosion sets off the sprinkler system.

WARDEN QUINCY SHARP

He walks up the hall to the main security office. "What the hell is going on?"

"Warden sir…an inmate has escaped. We have a dead Orderly."

That is when they witness the explosion in the monitor. "What the hell was that?"

"Some kind of chemical explosion in the east wing utility closet."

'Switch off the sprinklers and turn on the foam system in that area."

"Sir should we evacuate?" Officer Aaron Cash asks.

"No!"

JACK

He sits in the passenger seat while the Nurse drives. "Please let me go."

He looks at her, "Tell ya what! You make me laugh with a knock-knock joke and I'll let you go…Cross my heart and hope you die." She cries, then he sighs and cocks the gun hammer. "Stop crying and make me laugh."

"Okay…okay…okay! Um…Um…"

"Um…um…um. Make a joke."

"Um…knock-knock…"

"Whose there?"

"Beets."

"Beets who?"

"Beets me."

He nods, "Hahaha…Hahahahahahaaa. Not bad, not bad…Pull over. But keep the car running. Knock, knock…"

She starts crying, "But you said you would let me go…"

"KNOCK! Knock!"

"Whose there?"

"Asshole."

"A…ss…hole who?"

"Open the door and find out asshole!" She laughs a little while crying. He laughs as well, "Okay you can go." She slowly gets out of the car and he climbs into the driver's seat and pulls off.

DETECTIVE HARVEY BULLOCK

He drives up with Detective Montoya and they show their badges to the security guard, "Who's in charge here?" He asks yelling.

"I am! Warden Quincy Sharp."

"What the fuck happened?"

"Jack Napier escaped."

"Who the fuck is Jack Napier?"

"My patient!" A woman announces walking up.

"And who are you supposed to be?"

"Doctor Harleen Quinzel."

"Hey weren't you the Centerfold in Sport's Illustrated a year ago?"

"Harvey." Montoya warns.

"Its alright…Most men like Detective Harvey only see women as objects. Which is why his wife left him and his current girlfriend is a stripper…Soon to leave him as well."

"Hey!"

COMMISSIONER GORDON

"Harvey what's happening?"

"It's a shit show Commish. We got one dead Orderly, died of a broken neck, two dead security guards one jabbed in the eyes, the other shot to death…Oh yeah…Beat Cop found a Nurse on the bridge that links Arkhum Island to the main land. Montoya is faxing everything on Jack Napier."

"Keep me in the loop." When Gordon hangs up the phone Batman is standing by the desk. "God will you stop doing that."

"I heard about the escape on Arkhum."

"Doctor Quinzell says that Jack Napier is obsessed with you. Perhaps you should sit this one out."

"Three people are dead…This guy slaughtered the people at his job and killed his pregnant x-wife…I can't sit this one out."

"Of course."

BATMAN

He flies out of Commissioner Gordon's window, as Batman is gliding the Bat-jet flies down and scoops him up. "Alfred."

"I am here as always Master Wayne."

"Prep the Hydro-Bat, I'm gonna pay a quick visit to Arkhum Island." Upon returning to the Batcave, he takes the boat and sails to the Island, by going up the river near his house to Gotham bay. As he approaches the Island Batman submerges the boat and changes into a swimsuit. He leaves the Hydro-Bat via a torpedo shoot. Once ashore he hides his gear and disguises himself as an Orderly.

As Carlos Fyrare Batman infiltrates the Island. He makes his way to Doctor Quinzel's office. He copies the files on her computer and goes through her private notes. Then he leaves.

JACK NAPIER

"There is no place like home…" He says entering the closed chemical plant Axes Chemicals. He walks through the plant, the office building and finally the break room. There is a Jack of diamonds playing card on the floor. He picks it up and laughs. "Hahahahahahahahahahaa! Joker! Call me Joker! Hahahahahahahahahaa!"