She felt a gratitude that could never be explained. A part of her rebelled, whispering that she didn't deserve this, but she couldn't help but accept it all the same. Regardless of her feelings, she had been welcomed back with open arms. There was slight tension with a few elves in camp, but Andra had taken the initiative to speak with them and clear the air. She knew she didn't deserve their forgiveness, but she at least wanted to try to set things right.
That said, Andra made sure the Keeper and the clan understood that she might still leave again. Never for good—she promised to always come back to them—but maybe just sometimes when she felt the call of the wilds. Some hated the idea, as she knew they would, and argued with her over what she could possibly find out there that she didn't have with the clan, but Andra had no answer to that. It wasn't a thing that drew her away, it was just a feeling. She had been scoffed at for being so vague, and one of the elves had even accused her of letting the shems get to her. But Andra just smiled at them, they couldn't be more wrong.
.
After several weeks had passed, it came as no surprise when a letter arrived via raven from Divine Victoria. Andra had been absently wondering how long it would take the Nightingale to learn of her return to her clan once again. It had been quite some time since either of them had exchanged words. Blessedly, however, the letter was brief. Leliana let Andra know that she had informed her friends in the Inquisition that she was safely back with the Dalish and that they all insisted that she write them—or visit, better yet. She would always have a place with them if she wished it. The Inquisitor also wanted her to know that, unfortunately, they had yet to uncover anything for her. Andra was warmed to hear that they were still trying, even if it no longer mattered. She made a mental note to send word back to Skyhold that she had found what she was looking for and their search could stop.
On a heavier note, Leliana inquired about Solas' absence. She knew the two of them were no longer together and wondered if they had another falling out. Andra read the words with a heavy heart. It hadn't been anything like that. She harbored no ill feelings towards him but she didn't know how she would explain that without creating further questions. What would she even say? That he was Fen'Harel? The Dread Wolf? An Elvhen god awoken after millennia of slumber? Here to destroy the world to restore their people? It sounded crazy. She knew they deserved to know, perhaps the Inquisitor could even convince Solas against his quest. If anyone could, it would definitely be them. But she needed some time to articulate how she would explain everything in a way that didn't demonize him.
His actions marked him as cruel, but she knew his intentions were good—if misguided.
A week later, she sent a letter back to Nightingale with all she knew. She hoped it was enough. She hoped it would make a difference.
She hoped he wouldn't hate her for it.
Then, with even more reluctance, she wrote a letter to Calem. She needed to apologize, even if he wouldn't forgive her. She made clear that her mind hadn't changed but that she deeply regretted how much she'd hurt him when now she could see that there were other ways she could have gently let him down. It wasn't an excuse, and she hoped he understood that, but she wanted to give him proper closure so that they both could move on. Maybe one day, they could even patch their broken friendship. She would never hold it against him, however, if that would prove to be too painful. It felt a little like groveling but she knew it needed to be done or she would never be able to move past this. Whatever his answer was—be it no answer, even—she felt a weight lift from her that had been there for the last two years as she sent this letter back to Nightingale with the other, a note tied on top apologizing but asking for a favor of delivering it to wherever his new clan was now.
With nothing else to do except wait for replies, Andra set about helping the clan with tasks until eventually night fell and she found herself slipping away into the woods to be alone for a while.
So much had happened in the last three years. She doubted she would recognize herself from back then or that her younger self would even believe who she was now. She had changed so much. Learned so much. She treasured the memories she had of her parents, of how in love they had been and how much they had loved her. It made her smile to think of her mother giving her father that necklace on his birthday, both of them shy and afraid of rejection. Even at the end, in the face of all that danger, they had still tried to make the most of their lives. Starting a family. Bringing her into the world just to make it a little brighter. She wished she could have known them, or at least remembered those first four years with clarity—but, she was happy to hold onto the fragments she had.
Andra smiled sadly. Even her brief time with Solas, she treasured it. Wherever he was now, whatever he was doing, she hoped he knew she still loved him. That would never change.
"Ma unlasas em revas vian ne varem mahn ane," she whispered to the moon. Yet, even as she said it, she felt a contentedness wash over her. She would always miss him, but it was better this way.
As Andra turned away from the wood to walk back to camp, she thought of the future. She didn't know what it held but she felt ready to start the next chapter of her life. And what better place to start than here, surrounded by a family that loved her. She still didn't know if she could say she was truly Dalish, but she had come to realize that home and origin is what people make of it. And why did it have to be any singular thing? The Ashihari were her home, the friends she had made in the Inquisition were her home—even Solas, with all their differences, was her home. And her origin? She was one of the Elvhen, that felt like explanation enough.
And the future—it would be whatever she wanted it to be.
ELVHEN USED:
Shem: Literally-"quick child", but it's used mainly as an insult to anyone that isn't Dalish.
Ma unlasas em revas vian ne varem mahn ane:"You gave me freedom but a hole is left where you are."
