Trigger warnings for self-harm thoughts stand through this chapter too. (Less dramatic than the previous thought)
Enjoy!
M.
Chapter 88
Sunday, December 30, 2012
He was driving slowly. It wasn't even eight-thirty am. He'd already had been almost four hours on route. Jack knew he was miles away from the Welcome to Nebraska sign when he felt it. His cellphone went off with the one tone he'd only heard once.
Frowning, he took the next exit and found a place to stop. He fished for his cellphone and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Property breached, activating CCTV." The message said.
Jack sighed. He'd already gone past the place he knew had some free WIFI. "Well, there's not exactly a helluva lot to steal." Jack shrugged. Then he remembered it. Frantically he searched his bag until he found he had forgotten it.
Yes, his house had nothing but a somewhat new TV and a radio that had seen better days. He didn't even keep a computer anymore. He always was dragging his laptop from one place to the next. Part of the safety measures he took after he found out about the people coming and going inside his house. As if his privacy was a freaking Walmart!
No… He couldn't care the less about the few belongings he kept inside. Since he never used them for long, however, the one thing he'd forgotten inside his room safe was his spare service weapon. One that had one accidental killing too many for his like, but he couldn't find it in himself to get rid of. The one Charlie had unlocked from his safe and had killed himself with.
Without doubting it, he grabbed the next ramp to make his way back.
Jack hadn't used that weapon in years, not since that fateful day. Not after the police had returned it to him after ruling Charlie's death an accident.
Charlie. The oppressive tug on his heart had become a dull one. At least compared with the fresher pain of rejection and overall loss. He opened his window so the cold would make him feel… Something. Anything so he wouldn't have to dwell on his current train of thoughts.
It didn't work.
Jack saw the sign he was looking for and stopped. Truth was, he was also tired. So, even if he didn't return, he would be needing to stop before risking killing himself. He should have a long while ago, he thought. Only not like this, not in a car accident that could kill innocent people. For all he cared, he'd already killed enough to grant him a free pass to hell.
Entering the store, Jack asked for a cup of coffee and the Wi-Fi password. He found a table in the corner and turned on his laptop. He might as well check that security footage. He'd forced himself to get once he moved into that house. If only to make sure no one was going to try to force some more cameras into his privacy.
He tapped his fingers on the cheap-looking table as his computer booted. His coffee was unceremoniously dropped beside his hand as the password field appeared. He typed his secret word, and the computer opened. Searching for his browser, he added the data he needed to connect to the CCTV as he was taught.
It was funny, he thought, that most people considered him stupid and went on long explanations about this and that. The only one who did that for the fun was Sam. Carter always knew he understood more than he let on. Yet, she never dared to break his charade in front of anyone.
The cameras of his house took over the whole screen. The back door was clearly opened, but he saw a shadow crossing the corridor towards his room. He rewound the video to the time of the alert. Then he saw her.
"Well, fuck…" He mumbled, closing the lid, not caring to turn the thing off. He shouldered the laptop bag, grabbed the coffee, and took quick strides to return to his truck.
His phone went off then. He frowned. Why on Earth would anyone call him at nine on a Sunday morning?
"O'Neill." He barked to his phone without looking at the caller id.
"Sir General O'Neill?" A voice he didn't identify asked him on the other end.
"Who is this?" Jack asked.
"I…" He remembered then he could check the number. Taking it away from his ear, he glanced at the screen.
"Carter? What the fuck do you want now?" He answered. Angered that she dared to call him after what she'd just done.
"Sir General O'Neill…. This is P. I mean, Parker. Parker Carter? You work with my mom and you knew her from before…" Parker blabbered on the phone. Before Jack could ask 'Sam,' what she was doing in his home.
Jack frowned, why the heck would Carter's kid be calling him? If this was an apology call, why would she go so low as to make her daughter call? Maybe she was afraid he wouldn't want to talk to her? 'Wait, but Sam's in your house and you didn't see the kid.' He thought.
"I'm sorry I've bothered you, Sir General Jack. My mom said she was going to see you, and she forgot her phone."
'That makes sense!' His mind provided.
"Mom never leaves without her phone. She took her work one but not hers. Not the one she always answers when I call. So, I was wondering if she already spoke with you and I wanted to apologize too. I broke a vase. Her mom's vase. An heirloom that was in my mom's family for ages. I tripped and broke it. When I was trying to give you two some space to be alone… I'm sorry about that, by the way. I didn't want you to go. I didn't want to scare you …."
"Parker!" Jack exclaimed. As he tried to process what the girl was saying, but he hadn't had a great night. She was speaking almost as fast as her mom when she technobabbled.
"Can I speak to her?"
"Huh?"
"My mom. She went to see you, isn't she there anymore?"
"There. Where?" Jack asked, confused.
"There! Your house? The base? I'm not sure… She only said she needed to talk to you, ASAP."
"She what?" For some reason, his gut feeling kicked at him, and not in a good way. "Parker, why are you calling me?"
"She left a while ago. She left her phone home…. I just want to know if she is okay." There was a trembling in her voice that added to the already nervous lump forming in his throat.
"What time did she leave?" He couldn't help to wonder, how long was she outside? Did she watch him leave?
"She left at eight… But something is not right, Sir General O'Neill. I feel it in my tummy."
"A gut feeling?" Jack asked. As his stomach clenched telling him something was definitively not right.
"I guess so… I'm worried…" Parker sniffled on the other side. Jack wondered why she was telling him all of this.
"Parker, I'm not home. I'm not even in the city. But I'm about to start my way back. I'll hurry up."
"Will you…" She cleared her throat. "Will you call me when you find her?"
"Yes. Are you with someone?"
"Yes. Mommy called Jessica before she left. She waited until Jess arrived before she went. She was nervous and jittery. She trained hard, Sir General. She lost it several times, even Fred was worried." Jack sighed.
"Parker. Listen, I'm going to put you on speaker. I need to get on my way. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Is Fred your dad?" Jack asked. As he got back on the route that would take him home. He pressed the gas as much as he could. Tired or not, he couldn't afford the slow way back. Like he'd been driving before. Besides, adrenaline had kicked in.
Parker giggled.
"You are silly, Sir General Jack. Fred is mommy's trainer. Sometimes she losses it with him. That's what Fred calls it. He said it has to do with PTSD. I'm not sure what that is."
"PTSD?" Jack asked.
'Fuck!' His mind provided. His spare service weapon was in his house. Sam was in his house. The weapon that had killed Charlie was just a safe away from the woman he loved. The one who always had a self-deprecative thread woven deep inside her. A woman suffering from PTSD, it seemed…. A woman that would figure out the key of his safe, if she spotted it. If she dared to open it.
"Yes. The Internet said it stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. Uncle Jordan said I shouldn't search that and cleared my browser."
Jack frowned. Definitively the girl was in a sharing mode, but should he get this information out of her? Wasn't that a bit too low even for himself?
"Is she going to be okay? I know she was sad when you left. The saddest I've seen her."
"She's going to be okay. I promise." Jack said, pressing the gas harder. If he wanted to fulfill that promise, he'd better get home ASAP.
He was terrified. His heart was beating wildly in his throat. He could hear it as loud as Parker's breathing on the phone. She had a gut feeling that was telling her exactly what his was… Something was utterly wrong.
"Sir General Jack?" Parker's voice brought him back to the call.
"Yeah?"
"You know my mom from way back, don't you?"
"By way back, you mean?"
"Before I was born?" Jack gulped.
"Yeah…"
"Did she leave 'coz of me? She said she didn't. She never talks about that… She never talks about anything from her past."
"No. She didn't leave because of you." Jack said. 'She left because of me.' He thought. 'because I got her to that stupid safe house and left her there. To fend for herself with the world.'
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Parker. I'm sure."
"You should call me P. That's my nickname… Mom said it was a safe one. Everyone thought it was sweet that my mom would call me sweet pea. But she said it was to keep me knowing who I was. Knowing that P was Parker and not anything else. That I was Parker and not anyone else."
"Did you change names, too? Like you mom?" Jack asked then. Realizing he'd never even thought about that.
"Yup. When I was older, mommy allowed me to pick my own names! It was cool! It was our secret."
Jack smiled sadly at that. PTSD made complete sense now. She'd been living a nightmare. He knew because he was on the other side living a not so similar kind of hell. He'd had an entire support system. She'd Parker and an ever-growing set of aliases.
"Parker…" He cleared his throat. "P. Has your mom ever explained to you why you had to change names?"
"She said there were bad guys after her. That she would have to capture them. Then the name changing would stop. She said this was the last change… I never knew she had a brother… I didn't know I had family…"
"What about your dad?"
"Dunno. I don't know him," She sniffled. "Mommy never answered those questions. So I stopped asking them. I made videos for him. So, I could tell him that I love him. That I understand he couldn't be there with us." Jack gulped as the sniffs became a cry. "Mommy said it was the last name. She said daddy would come back to us when everything was over… I don't know where he is. I don't know who he is. Not even Uncle Jordan knows…"
Even if he'd convinced himself he disliked the girl. His heart broke with her cries. He wanted to be closer to her and maybe hug her tight. Tell her that everything would be all right. That her daddy most likely was having issues trying to find them.
'Who would be an asshole enough to let these two women go away from him?' He wondered, hating the guy for leaving Sam. That'd be the second man Sam had loved that had left her behind. Or that she was forced to leave behind…
"Listen to me, P. Everything will be okay. Your mom, she's the strongest person I know. She's a kick-ass woman. She's probably waiting for me. To kick my ass for having made her wait so long to talk to me." That got a chuckle out of the girl. "So, why don't you go freshen up. Find something to do, so you can distract yourself from worrying. I'll try to make my way faster. Okay?"
"Okay."
"But I'll have to hang the phone."
"Noooo, please…." She whined.
"P. I can't speed if you are on the phone. If I hang… I can drive fast enough to be back in less than two hours. If I don't, I have three hours ahead."
"No. That's too long! I'll hang. Please take care, Sir General Jack. You matter to her." Parker said and made him take a deep breath.
"I call you when I get to her. Okay?"
"Kay. Bye."
"Bye." He said and let her end the call.
Jack was going way past the speed limits. Heck! He was going way past any speed limits. Who would stop him if they couldn't catch him? Besides, he was sure the moment someone ran his plates and his name popped up. They would cease any attempts of stopping him in case it was something end-of-the-world like that only he could fix.
All his attention was settled on not killing himself. He was now a man with a mission. A mission that could end up with him being too late. Thousands of images came to his mind. A sea of possibilities opened. He fought his need to stop somewhere to check his cameras. So, he would at least know if he was getting home to fight her, or to… No. She had a kid. A kid who didn't know her father. She knew what it was to grow up without one… She wouldn't do anything stupid that could risk her daughter's future.
"It's Sam, Jack. You know, thanks to that stupid accident. That she has plans in case something goes wrong with her." He mumbled. "No… She'd never…. PTSD or not… She'd never…"
Then why he was repeating those words? As if trying to convince himself that Samantha Carter wouldn't try to take her own life if she thought that was the best-case scenario? Why was his gut clenching so tightly that he could hardly breathe?
He would learn it in time… He just hoped that after all this time, he wasn't too damn late.
