Episode 35

"Wait wait wait, you're telling me RANPO goes AGAINST the president's orders?! Is he on drugs or something?" Gin wonders.

Kouyou sighs elegantly. "Sometimes I wonder that same thing about our director."

Atsushi snorts.


"Is this another of your nihilist friend's lines? We only know how to protect people by hurting people?" Tanizaki asks, reading the script.

"That one was Atsushi." Mori replies.

"That's DARK for Atsushi."

The tiger boy looks over. "I'm a WRITER, Tanizaki. I can come up with worse if you want."

"Let's go with no." The redhead answers.


"We know Fyodor's behind this?" Kunikida scratches his head. "I'm kind of lost with all the twists we've been getting."

"Dazai figured it out, remember? He got shot for it."

"Oh right."


"I've always wondered, why does Kenji wear another shirt under his white one?"

"It's a compression shirt!" Kenji chirps. "I like being squeezed!"


"Fancy hat boy? That's hysterical!" Dazai laughs.

"So is you being shot." Chuuya snaps.

"That might be going a little far…"

"Relax, you didn't actually get shot."


"There are no rules in war, Kunikida. And this is a war. Quit insisting on rules!" Atsushi yells at the script.

The scriptwriters edge away from him, only to run into Higuchi, who is nodding along. "Rules are for those strong enough to uphold them. And the situation in the show is such that you no longer have the luxury of rules. Besides, this is the Port Mafia. Innocents will die anyway."

Kunikida shrugs."I'm not that naive in real life." He points out.


"Katai would never leave his one true love." Atsushi says. "He likes Yoshiko too much."

"That is not your line, Atsushi! CUT!"

"You can't silence the truth!"

"For fuck's sake Atsushi we all know already!"


"Higuchi gets punk'd by a doll~" Dazai sings.

"Dazai I will shoot you for real!"

"No you won't."

She bares her teeth and holds up a gun. "Try me, bitch."

Dazai shuts up.


"Akutagawa does care!" Kajii coos. "He saved Higuchi."

Akutagawa glares at the bomber. "We established that I care for real a long time ago. She's like Gin to me. Now get off the GODDAMN set before I have Rashomon eat your hands!"

"CUT! Seriously Kajii, you should probably run."

Kajii takes off like the hounds of hell are on his heels, and one might as well be.


"It's been a while since I've fought an enemy with any spine. How long ago was the Guild thing? Because Fitzgerald had spine."

"CUT! And we're leaving that ambiguous. A few weeks, max."

"The hell are you leaving it ambiguous for?"

"Reasons."

Elise steals the megaphone. "He doesn't want to fill extra time with fillers." She calls.

"That is a respectable reason." Hawthorne says from behind Mori. Mori falls off the director's chair in surprise. "Baby."


"Do I have to go in screaming?" Chuuya complains. "It's too Dragonball-esque."

"Did you have to phrase it that way?" Akutagawa groans.

"What-oh. Ohhh shit. I am going to pretend that I didn't say that."

Gin snickers, her iPhone having recorded the entire thing. "Too late~"

"Delete that footage, Gin!" Chuuya demands.

She pretends to think. "Hmm...nah."


"Is that really a mystery novel where half the characters are murderers?"

Poe shakes his head. "It's a collection of happy short stories about cute animals."

"Aww, it's over." Ranpo pops out of the book. "I liked the one with the sleepy kittens, Poe."

Chuuya reappears next to him. "I preferred the lapful of red panda myself."

"Is that why the book is titled "Fuzz therapy" on the inner cover?"

Poe grins. "Yep."

"So why does it look like the Necronomicon again?"

"That's just a slip cover."


"Does anyone else find it funny that Yosano with her butterfly hairclip uses the phrase "pinned down like butterflies on a board" or is it just me?" Chuuya remarks.

"I'm pretty sure Rintarou agrees with you." Elise tells him.

"I don't want Mori to agree with me." Chuuya groans.


"Why is it Kajii…" Atsushi grimaces.

"Wh-Is he really not wearing underwear?" Yosano gapes.

"We let him ad-lib this part, so apparently not! The more you know!"

"The more I know about Kajii the less I want to learn…" Tanizaki pulls a face.

Hawthorne wrinkles his nose. "And this is another reason I didn't miss Kajii."


"Happiness, too, is but a simple signal in the brain."

"Who wrote that?"

"That was my Nihilist friend." Mori confesses.

"Wonderful…"