Chapter 40

The last time Jane had seen Hackett in person was just after the battle of the Citadel. Everybody had been celebrating their victory over Sovereign yet for the first time in her life Jane had felt as if she was going mad. She had not felt the jubilation but had tried to get meeting upon meeting with the Alliance Command and the Council to press upon them that the war wasn't won – that they hadn't even survived a skirmish according to the visions that she had seen.

The images that the beacon had put into her mind had plagued her in the evenings, following in nightmare upon nightmare. Strangely enough, she and Liara had grown closer in that time, the archaeologist electing to stay with the Normandy crew because she had nowhere else to go. Jane had visited her frequently in the first Normandy's small lab and it had been in that brief time that she had almost entertained the idea of attempting a relationship with Liara.

Almost of course. Liara had been quite young, alien even and although Jane had known that the scientist would be quite willing, she had been more hesitant aware that perhaps her feelings for the asari wasn't quite as strong as Liara's feelings for her.

And she had had a job to do. She had to convince a galaxy that there were monsters in the dark and that they were coming to them

That alone had made her feel crazy.

Hackett had come to her in that time, told her that her efforts were seen but that she had to give people time to process. It had infuriated her, because she was convinced that the reapers were already on their way. And, they were, less than three years later she found herself on an asteroid making one of the hardestdecisions she had ever had to make with some of the harshest consequences.

And, Jane still believed that she had done the right thing because there had been no other options. She believed it with all her heart. It didn't make it easier to live with the knowledge of all those lost souls, but it stopped her from running the scenario over and over in her mind as she had the day she had to decide betweensaving Ashley Williams or Kaiden Alenko.

Her nightmares of the visions had passed in this new life but that decision still kept her up at night, tinged with a spark of bitterness because of Ashley's refusal to assist her and her calling Jane a traitor. It might have been a pipe dream, but a part of Jane couldn't help but think that Kaiden would have supported her in he had worked with her enough over the years to have understood why she had to go with Cerberus.

It was hard to predict the future of course, hard to understand how one decision can lead to a chain of events that would inevitably lead to either salvation or disaster. Something Jane had debated in her moments of consciousness since she awoke from the asteroid was whether or not she had made a mistake in accepting Hackett's mission but even that had been a moot point of debate.

If she had not, the reapers would be here already.

She hoped that Hackett would understand this as she watched him come through the armoury with Dr Catherine Chakwas. It was a surprise to see him in civilian clothes. In fact, she couldn't remember whether or not she had ever seen him not wearing a uniform. The urge to salute him came and went, the desire draining away when she heard the way he was trying to bully Chakwas into giving him information. She wondered if that was why the doctor looked so angry and whether he had been doing it since the doctor went to fetch him.

Her people didn't deserve such treatment. They were heroes.

"Where is Captain Shepard?" He asked, the mention of her mother sobering. Jane hadn't seen her all morning as the woman was kept in one of the observation rooms until Hackett left. Jane didn't want her to get any strange ideas at the very last moment. She shifted her weight, winched and wished that she had kept the crutch Miranda had given her closer.

"She's not your concern right now," Jane spoke calmly, not showing any more emotion when the two people looked at her a little surprised. "You are here to see me."

Hackett's manners seemed to win out as his expression sobered.

"Shepard," he said and seemed to wait for something though, if it was a salute, he was going to wait a very long time.

"Admiral," Jane glanced at Catherine. "You can leave us, Doctor. Thank you for bringing him in."

She saw Catherine hesitate before the older woman sighed and turned to Hackett.

"She is still recovering," she spoke icily. "Don't over exert her."

Trying not to smile, Jane made eye contact with Catherine and shook her head slightly though her quiet admonishment fell on blind eyes. With one last look in Hackett's direction, Chakwas turned on her heel and went back to the armoury, leaving them to stare at each other.

For a moment the urge to salute did come and go though Jane resisted and moved to the side, beckoning the man into the briefing room. He glanced at her but broke away his gaze when he moved past and circled the table, settling at the head of it. She doubted it was a conscious decision but rather a force of habit. Jane allowed him that place of power, following in more slowly as EDI closed the door behind them.

"You'll forgive me if I sit Admiral," she spoke and went to one of the chairs. "I am not comfortable standing."

She felt him study her movements, his eyes becoming a little softer.

"Your mother told me that you went through hell down there," he said. "How are you feeling?"

Jane shrugged and tried not to winch as she lowered herself to one of the chairs. "Fine," she said. "Recovering. I have to say, I was surprised to hear that you were coming here in person." Her gaze travelled over his civilian uniform. "In a personal capacity, it seems."

Hackett's lips thinned and after some consideration he stiffly lowered himself to one of the other chairs.

"You went out there as a personal favour to me," he pointed out. "So, I felt that we should debrief in person. Your... crew has been less than forth coming. Including your mother."

This wasn't news to Jane.

"They were working under orders," she said. "And my mother... well, she has her own agenda. She wants to take responsibility for the mission in the public eye. I will not allow her to do so under any circumstances."

Hackett's face was stoic as he regarded her. "And what happened on that mission?" he asked and Jane wondered if he would share in some of her guilt when he understood the full scope of the calamity.

"Before I answer that," Jane was going to tell this at her own pace. "I have to know. Were you and Kenson in a relationship?"

Hackett blinked slowly before he frowned at her. "I don't see that as any of your business," he snapped but she could tell immediately that it was a knee jerk reaction. She waited, making it clear that she wasn't going to say anything else till he gave a little more. He sensed this because Jane saw him take a deep breath to steel himself.

"I am a career soldier Shepard," his tone was cold. "But I am not a stone. Kenson and I have known each other for many, many years."

Jane had to harden her heart a little as she nodded slowly. "When last did you see her?" She asked. "Have you been in contact with her since she confirmed the presence of the artefact?"

Again, Hackett nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. His expression wasn't pleasant and she had seen the look in his eyes in those of men who were preparing for battle.

"Once or twice," he said. "The last time a little more than a month ago."

Alright, Jane thought. That is close. She shifted. Braced herself.

"And, did you suspect that she was indoctrinated?"

Hackett's mouth opened a bit as he pushed himself back in his chair and that was all Jane had to see to know that he hadn't. That perhaps, the love he had for that woman had blinded him.

"Jane, that's impossible," he exclaimed. "They were taking precautions."

Jane shook her head. "They weren't," she said with a touch of heat in her voice, having also heard the line from Kenson's mouth. "And she was, Hackett. The artefact had indoctrinated Kenson and all of her crew. And it wasn't an artefact exactly, it was perhaps a remnant of an old reaper."

Hackett was struggling, but he wouldn't have gotten where he was in the Alliance if he was a man who carried his heart on his sleeve. His face had become distant again, his eyes sharper than usual.

"Do you have proof?"

Jane almost laughed. "I am that proof," she said. "My injuries and my experience. That whole facility was indoctrinated by a rogue force. How could you have let that happen?" She had not meant to say the last, but it came out unplanned with the reaction she had imagined when she decided not to accuse Hackett of anything despite how she felt. The older soldier stood up abruptly, slamming his hand down on the table as he fixed her with an angry look.

"I don't even fully understand what you are accusing me of," he snapped. "What the hell happened out there, Shepard? All I know is I send you out there to investigate the reaper artefact and save Kenson and now, a whole system is gone. No one can reach Ba'hak and the common theory now is that the mass relay was destroyed. It's a shit show and will become even worse in the days to come. What did you do, Jane?!"

It was hard not to flinch at his tirade, but she had so much ammunition for her own. Still, Jane believed that she had grown in her time with Cerberus. She had meant every word that she had said to Miranda only a few minutes before – her experiences in this second life that she was living had taught her so much.

"I destroyed the Ba'hak relay," Jane said. "And I did it because I was left with no other choice. Kenson's actions forced my hand. She was indoctrinated and allowed Object Rho, as they called this reaper remnant, to attack me and incapacitate me for two days. By our calculations Aratoth is destroyed and that whole system... That whole system is probably being decimated by the reapers as we speak." She met his gaze defiantly. "Now, will you sit down and let me tell you what happened?"

Hackett didn't sit immediately, his gaze still locked with hers.

"Did you kill her?" He asked. " you kill her, Jane?" He was a man in that moment and Jane understood.

"No," she said and was grateful that it was the truth. "She killed herself when she realised that we... That I had destroyed all manner of ways in which she could stop the asteroid." Hackett sat down slowly, looking older as he blew out a short breath.

"Tell me what you must," he said. "Please."

Jane settled back a little and told him not just the important bits, but everything though she never mentioned Samara once. It was a gap in her debriefing and she wasn't surprised when Hackett honed in on the one part she had been quite vague about. The admiral had listened to her intently, internalising everything until she finally finished with their mad leap through the relay, her survival only possible due to the actions of her mother.

"That's... a hell of a thing you did, Shepard," Hackett said finally. "I will confess that I don't know if anybody who had ever served under me or with me would have had the metal to make that decision. Tell me, how did you escape their imprisonment? You must have been severely injured."

Jane didn't want to elaborate.

"I heal quickly these days," she said. "Part of the perks of the new life Miranda gave me. My body breaks down toxins fast, including the sedative that they were giving me. I believe they miscalculated the dose and I was able to escape. Because I was in their medical wing, the security was less there. And they didn't know what hit them."

Hackett nodded slowly and took a deep breath, his eyes betraying a little of the loss he felt over Kenson's death.

"What now?" He asked, surprising Jane. "What's next?"

Blinking, Jane sat back having not expected him to ask her anything.

"You tell me," she said. "Who else knew that I was out there?"

Hackett shook his head. "I don't know, Jane," he said honestly. "But there are a few things riding on this. Word got out that there had been a human attack on the batarian prison planet, but if they had evidence that it was you it was probably destroyed with the planet. The problem is that they might have just enough evidence for a witch hunt. Now question is whether or not that data was sent out before the relay was destroyed. If they know it was you, they might just make the leap and try to blame you for this...act as well. In fact, they might just try and use it as an excuse anyway, no matter who they try and blame because they've been looking for an excuse to start a war with us ever since Elysium." His mouth thinned. "We can't afford a war right now. Not with the reapers at the galaxy's edge." He stood up and paced a little, thinking. Jane watched him, wondering what scenarios he was running through his head.

"What do you think should happen, Commander?"

Wondering at the use of her title, Jane sighed.

"Should?" she asked. "The galaxy should start to pull their heads out of the sand and realise that we don't have any time left to prepare? Tell me, do you think we are ready? Truly?"

Hackett turned back to study her.

"Despite what you think, Jane, the Alliance have been preparing for the scenario," he pointed out. "They have not forgotten that taking down Sovereign cost us the whole fifth fleet. If even a handful of its kind shows up, we are going to lose a hell of a lot more if we do not prepare. But, if they come tomorrow? We won't be ready, Shepard, and we certainly won't be ready if we are at war with the batarians." He was quiet for a moment. "Anderson tells me that secretly, all of the council races are preparing as we are though none will admit it openly. Even the council has been working on a contingency plan. They will never say it to your face, but more meetings have happened n the past year around that topic than any other."

Jane snorted. "Would have been nice if they just told me that," she said. "They told me they dismissed the claim."

"Maybe they did," Hackett said. "But nobody likes to be caught with their pants down."

Nodding, Jane shifted on the hard chair and finally pushed herself up after some consideration. Hackett had not sat down yet and was looking at her now as if he expected her to dismiss him. When she didn't, his eyes softened a little.

"Should we continue this at a later stage?" His words were kind. "Catherine is angry enough with me as it is."

Snorting, Jane found herself smiling though her heart was heavy.

"I'm still good," she said and traced her fingers over the table. "Admiral, there is nothing left out here that I can do on my own." She pointed out. "This... changed everything. Especially for me and this crew. I got lucky, escaping in time. To use your choice of phrase, I got caught with my pants down because the truth is that this crew is no longer enough. The threat has grown exponentially since the Collectors and ever there I think we simply got lucky in our escape. I need allies. I need support, neither of which I have been able to canvas while out here on my own. To return to your question, what I think should happen... What I think I should do is take responsibility for this. I will stand up and testify. Maybe that will stop the batarians from seeking vengeance on a whole species and make more people realise that there is more at stake here than petty politics."

Hackett didn't blink. "You'd give yourself up?"

Jane held up a hand. "I will come and explain why I did what I did," she said. "And I will expect my words to fall on the right ears not just on Earth but on all the planets in the galaxy. My concern, as it has always been, is what will happen to my crew if I do this? I do not want to see them come to harm. They had no part in this."

Hackett nodded slowly. "You said your mother also wants to take responsibility... of course."

"I don't want her to be involved at all," Jane said. "I'd be grateful if her name is kept out of this completely. It's also one of the reasons I feel I should stand up first and lay claim to this, before she does something stupid and does it herself."

"Keeping her name out of this might not be entirely possible," Hackett said. "But I get what you are saying." His face twisted with thought, the scar on his cheek pulling taunt. "I can't tell you what you have to do, Shepard, but if you do take responsibility for this, Earth will call you in and expect you to explain yourself. It might be better if you do so willingly and sooner rather than later before anything else gets out."

Something in Jane's chest trembled, but she was unsure of what it was. Fear? Anxiety?

"Then maybe we should work on that," she said. "So that it is done right. What will happen to my crew?"

Hackett sat down again slowly and, upon consideration Jane sat down as well. Although the conversation was still tense and important, the mood had eased a little in the room. Both she and Hackett were soldiers and they had always been better at strategising than living.

"We will have no legal grounds to take in any of the aliens," he said. "But, I suggest they start leaving immediately."

"Done," Jane said. "They're already packing to go and speak to their own people."

"They can't just go out and..."

Jane fixed Hackett with a look. "I will brief them and they will do it right. I trust my people, Hackett."

The man's lips thinned but he didn't argue. "Your... civilian crew might have to leave. It would be better for them if they simply distance themselves from this. If Miranda Lawson decides to come in with you, she'll have to face her own trial. Recently word has leaked out of her exact position in Cerberus and a lot of their atrocities are being assigned to her simply because of the rank she held."

This was new to Jane. "When did this happen?"

"A few days ago," Hackett said. "A warrant of arrest is being prepared for her as we speak."

Frowning, Jane shook her head. "They'll just turn her into a scapegoat," she said. "Miranda's been with me for months and before that she was reconstructing me."

Hackett's gaze was steady. "Before your death she was very active in Cerberus as well," he pointed out. "She reported to the Illusive Man a lot longer than she reported to you." The way he said it made her angry.

"Miranda is worth ten of any in the Alliance," she said. "I won't see her taken." Hackett's expression didn't change but he leaned forward a little.

"Why do you think I decided to share this with you?" He asked. "There are other members of your crew who might also face incarceration. Catherine thinks she was absent without leave, but I had... seen to it that the proper paperwork was filed if misplaced when she left Mars. Upon investigation it will be discovered that she had my authority to take a leave of absence and she'll probably be offered another boring retirement position or given the opportunity to go private. Jeff Monroe..." He grimaced. "If Joker is still half the pilot he was, it would be shame to waste his skills in a cell. And, someone has to tell us about this ship." His fingers caressed the Normandy's desk. "She is by far the most advanced ship ever designed or piloted by humans."

Jane was quiet as she considered this.

"So you intent to take the ship?" She asked finally. "I hope you won't destroy..."

Hackett gave her a funny look. "No," he said. "Jane we would love to reverse engineer her and make more. This ship as the capability to give us an edge in the coming war."

Yes, because it is partially run by an AI.

Jane said nothing, not sure how she felt about EDI's inevitable fate. Miranda had been right, nobody could pilot the ship alone and the jury was out as to whether EDI could sustain it herself for longer periods of time than she needed when she evaded the collector ship.

"Is there any other threat to my crew?" she asked finally. "Anything else I should know, as with the case of Miranda Lawson?" She was going to have to tell Miranda about that and warn her that, if she chose to go to Liara, she might have to do so sooner rather than later.

"There are two engineers rumoured to be onboard your ship, Kenneth Donnelly and Gabriella Daniels." Hackett said. "If they decide to come in with you, they might face incarceration. However, if they simply want to disappear then I will look the other way. If they come in with you, I can try and see that they get reduced sentences."

Jane wondered if it had anything to do with their time in Cerberus. She hated to admit it, but she wasn't very surprised.

"What will be your next steps?" she asked. "What should I expect? And when?"

Hackett considered this. "I will tell Anderson what I know," he said. "If you have not already done so." When Jane shook her head he continued. "I think we should make sure that you are safe before you claim responsibility. The best course of action might be to send for a team to come and take you in. I will say that you confessed this to me in confidentiality. Which you did. And then we will have to see in what direction this beast runs. But, know this, Jane, we won't give you over to the batarians."

Jane nodded, that trembling feeling still in her chest.

"Then you... talk to Anderson and tell me what I have to do next," she said. "I will tell my crew that... I will tell them what to expect." She was very tired suddenly. "Thank you, Admiral."

Her words seemed to hurt him.

"Jane, I got you into this mess," he said and stood up slowly. "Let's reconvene in a few hours. We will have a better idea of where we are going after that."

Jane nodded but didn't have the energy to rise. Hackett must have seen this because he came to her and offered a hand. "Can I take you anywhere?"

Respectfully declining his offer, Jane shook her head. "No, I will sit here a bit," she almost called on EDI in Hackett's company and quickly lifted up her omnitool to fake typing in a command. "I'm sending for one of my officers to take you out. His name is Jacob Taylor and his company won't be as cold as Catherine's..." She hesitated. "If you covered for her, you don't quite deserve all her ire. At least, you won't see mine."

Hackett's expression was painful again. "At my age, I have few true friends left," he said. "I should learn to take better care of them." He was thinking of Kenson again and Jane, with her new found understanding of love and the need for companionship, felt for him. She didn't have a lot of friends either and those she lost through her years of service weighed heavily on her.

She was a little surprised when Hackett rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Jane, don't think for one moment I don't understand what it was you did for us," he said. "This is going to become tough, I don't think we have to lie to ourselves. But I will have your back. I promise you."

Jane nodded, acknowledging this though she didn't really care for herself.

"Just take care of my crew," she asked him. "That's all that matters to me."

The door opened, admitting Jacob Taylor who saluted both her and Hackett.

"If you'll follow me sir," he said after Jane nodded at him, inclining her head to give him permission to go. She saw another shorter figure standing behind him and her chest tightened a little with anticipation. However, Jack didn't bat an eye at Hackett and Jane suspected that he had been too distracted by his own thoughts when he left to notice her. She came into the briefing room when he left, her eyes intense as she hopped onto the table beside Jane to fix her with one of her intense looks.

"You are going to let them take you." It was a clear accusation and it hit a bit of a raw nerve for Jane who had dropped her head to her hands to massage her temple and what she suspected might be a headache later.

"I don't know what else to do, Jack." She pointed out, flinching when the younger woman cursed.

"Fuck, Shepard," she snapped. "There has to be another way."

Probably, Jane thought but she didn't see it.

"I am open to suggestions," she said dryly and wasn't surprised with Jack's rely.

"Run."

Letting go of her head, Jane sat back slowly and fixed Jack with a long look.

"Jack, you have known me for a while now, do you think I will?"

The ex-convict glared at her, her reply almost a little sulky. "No," she pointed out. "But I'm just telling you that you should. They don't deserve to lay their fucking hands on you and they certainly are in no position to judge you. Will they be arresting all of us?"

Jane shook her head, the exhaustion still creeping over her. "No, they will..." She stopped suddenly. Stars. Jack. What will become of her?

"They are not arresting any of you."

Jack's grin was feral.

"They wouldn't have regardless," she said, then sobered. "Shepard, how am I going to follow you to Earth?"

With her heart aching and her emotional reserves tapped, Jane forgot herself for a moment and reached out to touch Jack's knee. The younger woman flinched but tolerated her touch.

"Please don't," Jane said. "Don't go there. I love that you want to, Jack. I... I respect you so much and don't deserve your loyalty, but please, please don't follow me there. I want you to be safe."

Jack said nothing but only looked at her. Trying to remember something, Jane took a deep breath and let go of the biotic.

"You... went to Abby, when the Normandy left," she said. "You weren't onboard originally." She tried to think. "If... If the Normandy had not come back to Omega, what would you have done?"

Jack's rely was too quick. "Fucking hunted you down to kick your ass," she said. "I won't be left behind again."

Jane had to appreciate this. "Yes but... I mean... If you didn't, what would you have done?"

Jack blew out a slow breath. "Stay with the Doc for a bit, I guess," she spoke finally. "They said I could. I wouldn't for long of course but... Fuck, I guess I'd have stayed with them till I had a plan sorted."

It was an idea Jane grasped at immediately.

"Then can I ask you to do the same?" Jane asked, wishing that she didn't sound so desperate. "Please, Jack."

The biotic gave her a very long look.

"I'm not letting you go, Shepard. I ain't handing you over to the galaxy police. Fuck that and fuck them. You're better out here than in some stinking prison," her eyes were wild for a moment. "Because that is where they'll send you. You fucking killed more people in one wild ride than I have. And, hey, don't look at me like that, no judgement here. You did what you had to fucking do. But fuck. They'll ruin you. You're not going to prison."

Finally able to understand some of the bionic's resistance, Jane tried to appear calm. "It won't be jail, Jack," she pointed out. "I'm going to canvas for help, but part of that process will be to tell all. I need to do this. I need to speak my peace. And, if it doesn't work out both you and Miranda will be out there to bust my ass out."

Jack snorted at the mention of the ex-Cerberus officer, but it wasn't with her usual animosity. Instead she fixed Jane with another long look, her mouth thinning as she finally sighed. "Bust your ass out," she intoned. "Ok. Sure. I'll do that."

Jane hoped that she wouldn't but didn't argue now that she thought she had the upper hand in the conversation. She sank back a little and nodded, breathing deeply as her leg cramped.

"Thank you, Jack," she said. "And, I know it's tough to understand, but I really need to do this."

The biotic said nothing but never broke eye contact.

"Yeah maybe," she said. "But you tell me something, Shepard. What do you want to do? Not need to do or should do or fuck whatever everybody else wants you to do. What do you want to do?"

The question caught her by surprise and the answer was very, very easy.

"I want to go to Samara," she whispered. "I want to go see her."

Jack nodded slowly and pushed herself off of the table, holding out her hand so that she could help Jane up.

"Then that's where I will take you. And fuck anybody who tries to stand in our way."

The End of Chapter 40