Warmth enveloped Mariana as she laid back on the towel that covered the sand. Her dark hair spilled over her shoulder freely, her elbow propping up her body as she leaned closer to the strong body next to her. Eddie shifted towards her, his eyes never leaving the young boy playing in the sand ahead of them.
"Look at him," Eddie chuckled. "I feel like I won the lottery."
"He seems happy," Mari hummed.
"I swear that kid was born happy."
"I have no idea where he gets it."
"From me clearly."
"You? Uh, I think it's my divine influence."
Eddie's body shook with laughter and he pulled her into his chest, tickling her side. She grabbed his arms and held them at his side, her amber eyes narrowed playfully.
"If anything, I hope you influence his brain. He can't get by on just my good looks. You're the smart one."
Mari groaned with a grin and rolled her eyes, lightly smacking his chest. "Eso que ni que, pinche pendejo."
He silenced her sharp mouth with a chaste kiss, a grin breaking across his lips once he pulled away. "He likes having you around."
"Hmmm?" Her eyes fluttered open as he brushed some hair out of her face.
"We both do."
"Good, because I like being around."
A comfortable silence enveloped them as they turned their attention back to Christopher. Eddie sighed and nervously ran his hand along her forearm, drawing her attention back to her. A silent question passed between them and he swallowed past the lump of nerves in his throat.
"Shannon has stopped pursuing a divorce. I've been letting her lead this whole time and now...now it's gone radio silence. She's been mentioning wanting custody. I think she's feeling more comfortable with co-parenting and maybe...maybe she wants back in," he admitted.
"Okay," she breathed. "And how does that make you feel?"
"I don't know, mariposa. There's a lot of stuff to think about and I don't want to make a wrong choice or misstep."
"Hey." Her hand reached up to cup his cheek. "Whatever you choose will be right for Christopher. He's all that matters, right? A lot is changing so you just need to take one step at a time."
"One step," he repeated, doubt leaking into his words. Mariana was honestly a dream, but Shannon was familiar. Fear pushed up in his chest reminding him that Shannon had left once.
But Mariana could still leave just the same.
Christopher called for them to see his sandcastle and Mariana pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before hopping up to join Christopher, leaving him to stare at her retreating form. Would there be a day where he watched her walk away, only for her to never return?
/
"So, now we're doing lineups?" Buck asked as Chimney studied the firefighters before him. Mariana had her hip popped out and she rested her arm across her chest, studying her nails with disdain. Her reputation as the "Brass Breaker" still lived on even if Bobby was the only captain that was able to manage her. He knew not to try and push her with orders and let her do her own thing and in return, she would listen when needed.
"Listen up! Because the word of the day is hose maintenance," Chimney announced.
"Okay, I'm out," Hen declared.
"No way in hell are you making me do what I already do every damn shift," Mariana snorted.
"C'mon, Ramirez," Chimney cheered. "You can be our first demonstrator."
"Or I can snap your glasses in half. How does that sound?"
"And now I see what Bobby meant by an adjustment period for Mariana," Chimney muttered.
The entire shift was filled with Interim Captain Han trying to appease the masses. Dinner was a bust when it was scorched to ash so he ordered a bunch of pizza. Mariana took a seat next to Hen, silently grabbing a slice of pepperoni that she debated on launching at Buck across from her.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Chimney's voice cut through the clatter. They all turned to see Eddie walking away with some pizza. "The 118 eats dinner as a family, even if it is crappy pizza. Sit down, Diaz."
"Sorry, Cap. Won't happen again," he sighed, taking a seat next to Mariana. The two hadn't spoken much after the beach visit. She justified it by saying that he needed time. Time to think about Shannon and his relationship. Time to think about Christopher. He justified it by saying she needed space. Space from his messy life. Space from his decisions that needed to be made. So instead, the usual well-oiled machine of Buckley-Diaz-Ramirez was breaking down and neither Diaz or Ramirez would talk to anyone, not even Buck.
Except one person.
"Hi," Mariana said awkwardly as she shoved her hands in the pockets of the jean jacket she was wearing. Bobby wordlessly stepped aside and welcomed his pseudo-daughter into his apartment. She shuffled over to the table and sat down. Hesitantly she played with the lace scraps on the table and held one up.
"I'm not bothering you, right?"
"Frankly, I was waiting for you to come by. You're late, actually. Everyone else has already come by."
She winced. "Sorry."
"Mari, I don't mind at all. It's nice to know that you feel comfortable opening up to me. Now, what's up?" He set a bottle of Jarritos soda in front of her, knowing it was her favorite, and took a seat across from her.
The dark haired woman sighed and dropped the lace on the table, shrugging. "Shannon wants back in. And I feel like I'm just going to be shoved to the side. I thought...I don't know what I thought. When I met him, everything felt right. Christopher is such a great kid and I never felt like I had to run or be scared or...or fear that he would leave. But now it feels like I'm going to lose both of them and I don't know how to process that. Because I don't know how I feel."
"Do you think you love him?"
"I don't know what love is supposed to feel like," she admitted quietly.
Bobby didn't know how to respond to that. Who did? She was absolutely right. Mariana didn't know what love was because she never experienced it.
"Do you feel safe around him?"
She nodded.
"Like he listens?" Nod. "He cares?" Nod.
"Is he patient?" Nod. "Kind?" Nod.
"When you fight, are you scared of what he could do?" She shook her head no.
"How do you feel when he's around?"
"Peace. Calm. Like the ocean on a sunny day. Like everything will be okay even if nothing is going right. I don't know why I feel like that. I've known him less than a year but I can't picture what life would look like without him and Christopher."
"Mari, that's love."
She blinked up at him, big brown eyes filled with unshed tears. With a steady intake of breath, she let her shoulders drop. "Then is this what heartbreak feels like?"
"Maybe. But that's a part of love unfortunately. Just give it time and if it doesn't work out how you're thinking, you'll be okay. Because you are an amazing girl who deserves the world. And I'm proud to call you my kid."
Mariana wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and then silently slipped out of her seat to walk over and hug him. He held her tightly, wishing that he could stop the world from hurting her.
/
"Mari," Eddie called as she walked back towards the equipment room. She turned, perking up in the hopes that he would say something, anything.
"What's up?"
"Could you watch Chris tomorrow night? I have a thing and Carla can't and I don't want to spring this on my abuela so soon and-"
"I'm sorry but I have a shift at the ER tomorrow. I told you that a few days ago, actually," she explained. "Buck might be free."
"Thanks. This dinner just happened so quickly and Shannon can't drive down any other day so-"
"Dinner. With Shannon," she interrupted. "I see."
"It's not like that, Mari. We just want to talk things out."
"I get it. I do. I gotta go put this away before Captain Han yells at me."
She was gone before he could explain more and he was left with a sinking feeling and the desire to never see that hurt look in her eyes ever again.
Mariana headed upstairs to the couches where Buck was playing GTA. He glanced up at the sound of her footsteps and immediately paused the game and tossed the controller onto the armchair to his right. Wordlessly, he held his arms out and she nimbly fitted herself into his tight hold.
"Life likes to make a fool of me," she whispered. He pulled the hair tie off her braid and let her dark waves fall free, running his fingers through her hair.
"Nah, life just knows you're strong enough to handle everything," he replied, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.
"Did I make a mistake?"
"You, Mariana Ramirez, are perfect. I don't think you're capable of making mistakes. But whatever happens, happens. That's one of your mottos, right?"
"I hate it when you use my words against me," she groaned, her head falling onto his shoulder. He laughed and settled back on the couch, watching as her eyes fell shut and her breathing evened out. Hen and Chimney quietly walked by, a look of understanding passing between them. Eddie walked by at one point, a look of helpless frustration on his face. Buck knew he wanted to talk to the dark haired woman currently stretched out on him, but maybe it was just selfish desire that fueled his hushed whisper to Eddie that he needed to "let her sleep". He justified it to himself by the look of the dark bags under her eyes.
/
"Mari and Hen, you're with me," Chimney ordered. Mariana moved past him with her paramedic bag slung over her shoulder. The second she saw the woman, her bag slipped off her shoulder and hit the ground.
"Shannon," she stammered out. The latina quickly kneeled by the other woman. "Where does it hurt?"
"I don't...it doesn't hurt," the brunette gasped out. Mariana exchanged a nervous look with Hen who was strapping a c-collar on Shannon.
"Alright, well we are going to stabilize you and get you ready to transport to County General, okay? They'll fix you right up and you'll be fine."
The look she sent to Chimney and Hen conveyed the truth: this was bad. Chimney turned to stop Eddie but the taller man pushed past and kneeled at his wife's side.
"Shannon…"
"Hey. Are you here?"
"I'm here."
"God. This is so embarrassing."
"Vitals trending downward," Mariana reported.
"Let's get her on the backboard! Get her transported, now!"
Mariana moved aside for Fields and Green to lift her on the backboard and then onto the gurney. The latina grabbed her bag and hopped into the ambulance to prep for the drive. Hen hurried to the driver's seat.
"She's decompensating, we've got to intubate her!" she shouted.
"Mari, stop. Do not intubate. Not yet," Chimney ordered. She froze, staring up at the two men with a look of pure confusion and shock. They knew the risks and yet they were telling her to hold off. Mariana settled on gently touching Shannon's hand.
"You'll be fine, okay? I'm going to do everything in my power to get you back to 100%. You're not dying today. You have Christopher waiting at home for you."
"Mariana," she whispered. "It's okay. Thank you."
Eddie sat on her right as Mariana sat at her head, prepping the IV fluids. Shannon looked to Eddie as the ambulance began driving.
"I can't feel anything. That can't be good, right?" Her voice was thick with tears and she let out a soft sob. "Leaving again. I'm so sorry. I'd love...a little more time."
"It's okay," he reassured her. "Christopher will understand. This wasn't your fault. Christopher loves you so much."
"Thank you…both," she gasped out, her eyes falling shut as she flatlined.
"Mari, go!" Chim barked. The latina moved in a flash, opening Shannon's mouth and sliding the tube in to attach it to a respirator. Chimney started chest compressions and Mariana counted out breaths, her hands just barely trembling. She knew the truth. She knew what would happen in that ER because she had seen it in the ER many times before.
Shannon Diaz was dead.
The waiting room felt so silent. It permeated every wall, every room, every fiber of her being. Mariana stood when Eddie walked in, finding herself at a loss for words. She didn't know how to help, to comfort, and that made her feel useless. Eddie collapsed in Bobby's arms and Mariana turned away, making her way to the nurse's station.
"Sign me up for as many shifts you can put me on," she muttered to Leslie.
"Mariana," the older woman replied in a slow, warning tone.
"Just do it. I need to do something, Leslie. I need to be able to help. You know me. I can't… just put me to work. Please."
A haunted look clung to her eyes and Leslie knew what it meant because she had seen it on the brunette many times. Guilt.
"Okay, but I get to decide when you're done. You don't push past the point of okay this time."
"I understand."
"Do you?"
Her silence spoke volumes but Leslie knew that she would find something to throw herself into. It was smarter to have Mariana working with supervision than out where she could fall into old vices.
"Thank you," the younger woman whispered, glancing back to where Eddie clung to Bobby. His shoulders trembled and shook and Mariana turned back to look at the floor in front of her.
