This chapter kind of focuses a bit on Angela at first and how she's really been feeling, glad you guys enjoyed the last chapter so much. Every couple kind of has something this chapter.
Jane went on a run with Maura in the early morning of a day nearing the end of June. Jane had been back to normal physically for a week now, and she had gone back to work, trying to figure out her plans for the future, trying to organzie her switching jobs it would still be a little more time before she wasn't Sargeant Detective anymore. Her and Maura had started running this week, everyday they ran a little further and Jane felt great. She felt relief and it was a nice bonding thing her and Maura did in the mornings.
Frost was usually at their house to watch the kids and make breakfast, Jane enjoyed having Frost around he was always willing to help out around the house and with the twins. Tommy had been working long nights at the Dirty Robber so Frost barely got to see Tommy around during the morning, at least not awake. So this is where he usually was, Jane was always grateful that Frost made breakfast so when they got back from their run they could sit down and join the kids for a nice cooked meal.
Jane kicked off her shoes as they entered the house, going into the kitchen to get a bottle of water, Jane hardly had coffee in the morning, Jane had a totally different lifestyle now. She had started to eat balanced meals, she hardly drank beer and even started to enjoy veggie pizza, much to the twins' dismay, Jane and Maura decided that the kids should start eating healthier as well. Mostly so Jane wasn't tempted to have something bad for her. Maura was very proud at all the efforts Jane was making to live a healthier life, she was serious about this. Angela and Maura always found it interesting at dinner time when Jane scarfed down a salad. She might have been starting to eat more healthy, but she still ate like she was starving.
Breakfast was sometimes difficult especially when Frost made bacon, it was turkey bacon though and Jane found it quite delicious. Jane had a lot more energy these days and she was even proud of herself. She also did this so she could be fit enough to start training potential police officers, not too mention she was taking this new lifestlye more seriously because she was ready to try to get pregnant and according to the doctor eating healthier was the main priority. She figured by the time her mother gives birth around August/September she would be completely used to her new diet so it wouldn't be so much of a struggle when she actually became pregnant.
Speaking of Angela, she seemed to be in a really big funk lately and it left Jane really concerned, even Korsak was worried about her. She hardly wanted to come over to the Rizzoli-Isles house, she barely seen any of her family lately. Jane could swear her mother was avoiding her, avoiding them. The last time they all went out was when Tommy and Frost had their engagement party of sorts about a month ago. Angela was just there, physically yeah you knew she was there but she wasn't mentally there, she was always in a far off place. Jane had called her out on it, but she didn't open up. She just got up from her chair and asked Korsak if they could go home.
So when Angela had come over this morning Jane was honestly surprised, "Hey Ma. I haven't seen you in a while, how are things going?" she asked as she joined her mother on the couch as Maura and Frost got called into work. Korsak had taken the twins out for a walk, Jane told him she wanted to spend time alone with Angela.
"Things are going," she shrugged, leaning back on the couch. Jane looked at her mother worried.
"Ma, please talk to me... You can talk to me, you know? I want to help," she reached over to grab her hand. "Can I help?"
"There's nothing to help with Jane, life seems to be going along just fine for everyone. I wouldn't want to bring anyone down."
"But Ma, you being upset, being distant is what is bringing me down. I hate seeing you so, not here..."
"I am here though Jane."
"But not in the same way you used to be, it's been almost a month said I had an actual conversation with you. It's okay to not be okay Ma," Jane pulled her hand away from her mother's. "You're still hurting about it, about him, aren't you?"
"Why would I be hurting over that man who made my life miserable, who tried to cause harm to Maura, to you and your brothers. I can't miss that," Angela shook her head. "I don't miss him, I can't miss him, he was a horrible person."
"You know what I miss, I miss the person he was before he left you. Sure he was difficult but he tried to be there in his own strange way. He was your husband Ma, I know that still means something. I told you it's okay to feel anyway you do, I'm not going to judge you. I'm just going to worry about you, you're letting life go by without dealing with the whole situation. I don't think that's healthy Ma, you're letting your family slip away when they've always been here for you. You haven't completely dealt with it, with any of it. I just want you to know I'm here for you," Jane wiped her eyes, not realizing that she was crying. "I'm already worried about you Ma, been worried for almost seven months now. If you want to cry Ma it's okay, you know why? Because I'm right here if you need me, I'm always here for you."
Angela listened to Jane's words and nodded, resting her head on her daughter's shoulder. "I-I never meant to worry you Jane, I just... I can't even explain how I'm feeling. When I'm around you kids, I see so much of Frank in you and your brothers, you all are a part of him and I just... I'm reminded of all those good times we had together, even though they were far and few between and I just... I wish I could have cherished them more, appreciate all of us together. Maybe Frank would have been better, maybe he'd still be alive if there was something I did different. I should have been a more loving wife, more focused on his needs."
"Ma, you did everything you possibly could, you wanted to stay around, you did nothing but be a loving wife, you cared for him and he didn't appreciate it. He never appreciated you. I noticed it a lot growing up. I think you're going through the emotions of guilt, blaming yourself for what happened, even though there was nothing you could do. He changed over the years and not in the good way, but it was nothing you did."
"He needed me Janie, he called out to me when he got out, he trusted in me and I told him to burn in hell, and then he goes to Lydia. If I would have helped him maybe he wouldn't have been so angry, maybe he wouldn't have been hurting, maybe he wouldn't have tried taking his anger out on Maura. There's so many things that could have happened differently and now he'll never get that chance and it's my fault... I shouldn't have turned him away, he could have gotten help," Angela wiped her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks. "I should have helped him, he might have walked out on me but I would have never walked out of him, you just- you don't do that to your husband. You don't do that to a man who gave you children, someone who wanted you when there was no one else in the world who thought you were good enough," she cried, holding onto Jane.
Jane kissed the top of her mother's head, rubbing her arm, "Hey... it's going to be alright Ma, I'm here for you... I know it's hard, but it's good that you got this out. You don't have to hold it in Ma, I wish you didn't feel this way, but I'm here. All of us are here," she looked up when she heard the front door open. The twins looked at Angela and Jane on the couch.
"Is grandma okay?" Todd asked. Jane nodded, waving the kids over.
"Yeah she's just a little sad right now, you know how you get sometimes..."
He nodded, sitting on the couch and grabbing onto Angela's arm. "It's okay grandma," he tried to comfort her, causing Angela to cry even more, Kate also joined her on the couch, hugging her.
Jane observed the three of them, these twins were too kind and sweet, she slipped off the couch and walked over to Korsak, resting his hand on his shoulder. "Ma had a lot of emotions she's been holding in. She's been struggling more than I thought," she spoke quietly, Korsak rubbed the back of his neck.
"Is she going to be alright?"
"Eventually I think she will be, her opening up is a huge progress. I can't thank you enough for being here for her, through it all. She really lucked out with you Vince, she really needs you right now, she needs all of us. She needs to go see him, go to his grave, I know you didn't like the man but I think it's what Ma needs. She needs some sort of closure, and this might be the step in the right direction," Jane looked over at Angela and the twins. "She needs to say her goodbyes."
"I'd do anything for you mother Jane," Korsak reassured her. "I just want her to be okay."
Jane nodded, "I know, I want the same thing. I'm going to let you go with her and I'll stay with the twins. I'm sure Lieutenant would understand if I came into work a little later. This is more important."
Korsak nodded, walking over to Angela and the twins, "Mind if I borrow grandma for a moment?"
They let go of the older woman before jumping off the couch and going over to Jane, "Can we go color? Grandma needs some cheering up drawings." Jane nodded her head, grabbing both of them by the hands.
"I think grandma would love that," she walked them out towards the guest house.
Korsak sat down when him and Angela had some privacy, "Hey, how are you doing?"
"Talking to Jane helped. There was a lot I was holding in, I didn't want to worry anyone. I'm sorry if I had you worried lately."
Korsak grabbed her by the hand, giving it a kiss, "You needed time Ang. I think Jane was right though, you should go see him. I know when Jane talks to Camille she finds that it helps a lot. I think you need that closure."
Angela nodded, "You're going to come with me, right?" she asked and Korsak nodded.
"I'm right by your side, always," he kissed the top of her head. "Jane said she'll go into work later so we don't have to worry about the twins and we can take as much time as you need."
"I will never fully understand what I did to deserve a man like you Vince," she gave him a kiss before they headed to the cemetery.
This was the first time Angela has been to his grave, the first time she allowed herself to walk in here, she walked with Vince on her arm to his plot. He looked at his wife and sighed, "Did you want some privacy?" he asked as she kneeled down.
"You can stay," she told him before focusing her attention on the tombstone for a moment before speaking. "Hey Frank, it's me Angela. I never imagined the day it would come to this, me at your grave. I'm mad at you for things you did, ways you made me feel, unloved, unwanted. You changed a lot over the years, you needed help but I just blew you off. I know I have every right to do what I did since you abandoned me, since you abandoned your children, but there was more I could have done, I should have helped you. I was angry with you, but I should have seen that you were struggling. You had this anger inside of you and I wish I knew how to help. You found comfort in Lydia or whatever you want to call it and she didn't deserve you, she never knew how to love you like I did." Angela sighed, glancing up at Korsak for a moment before focusing again. "I'm sorry for not being there for you I guess I abandoned you in a way as well. I know it's guilt I've been feeling, guilt that there was something more I could have done and maybe you'd be here and I can talk to you while you're alive instead of at your grave. I don't understand why things happened the way that they did, why I feel this way. Why I miss you when you hurt all of my children, did you even realize what you were doing, did you realize that you needed help? Did you realize that I was hurting? These are now things we can never discuss and I'm sorry. I'm sorry things ended this way for you," she wiped her eyes. "Goodbye Frank I wish things could be different. I wish things were better for you. I'm just sorry."
Angela looked up at Korsak, "I'm ready to go now," she reached out her hand so he could help her up. He wrapped an arm around her.
"Are you going to be okay?"
She nodded, resting her head against his shoulder. "Eventually I think I will be. Thanks for coming with me, I know you probably rather not be here."
"I was never fond of him but I told you I'm here for you," he kissed the side of her head. "I'm always here for you, you and Julian," he rested his hand on her stomach. "I'm not going anywhere."
She nodded, and turned to kiss him softly. "Thank you for loving me, for choosing me."
"There's no one else I'd want to share the rest of my life with," he smiled warmly at his wife.
Jane eventually made it to work, she wanted to go down and see Maura but Frankie told her she was doing an autopsy right now. Jane sat down at her desk, glancing over at her brother. "So, I talked to Ma today. She finally opened up to me, I think she's going to be okay."
Frankie nodded, "That's good, we hardly seen her anymore it was kind of getting to her wasn't it? Missing Frank."
"Yeah she went to his grave today I think she's starting to get closure. So how have you been, you and I also haven't really talked since Frost and Tommy's engagement party. If I recall you seemed a little sad that night. Are you handling it well?"
"Why wouldn't I be handling it well? Frost is finally happy. He found his purpose in life and I'm happy for him, it is a little odd though, how he's going to be my brother in law. That sounds like some Lifetime movie shit," Frankie laughed. "Two brothers. One same lover. What happens when the man chooses one brother over the other? Obsession takes over and no one is safe. Will anyone make it out alive?" he spoke in a deeper tone causing Jane to laugh.
"You're such an idiot, glad you can find humor in your own pain."
"I'm not in pain, I am happy for him, why wouldn't I be, plus this is the most mature thing Tommy has done, really committing to something, to someone. It surprises the shit out of me. But in a good way."
"Yeah, I totally feel you there little bro, Tommy is definitely a changed man. I think I thank Frost almost every day for it, he's probably tired of hearing it."
"How come you never thank me then? You realize how much nicer Darren has been to you? How he seems less irritating than normal? Less uptight and actually mature for a change..."
"Wow Rizzoli, why don't you tell her how you really feel about me," Detective Crowe entered the room causing Frankie's cheeks to flush before he turned to face him.
"I didn't mean... I was just speaking from how Jane views you..." he stuttered and Crowe shook his head.
"Uh huh, whatever you need to tell yourself," he leaned down to give Frankie a kiss.
"How about later I tell you all the things I like about you? How I really feel about you," Frankie fiddled with the other man's tie.
Crowe nodded, "That sounds like a good idea."
"Yeah we totally need you to boost his ego Frankie," Jane playfully rolled her eyes.
"Oh your wife wants to see you by the way Jane, she just got done with the autopsy," Crowe smirked and Jane all but jumped out of her chair.
"Thank God," she disappeared towards the elevators.
Crowe turned back to Frankie, "Now where were we?" he went to lean down to kiss him again when he heard Cavanaugh.
"Crowe, Rizzoli! How many times do I have to tell you not at work?"
"Sorry boss," Crowe pulled away from Frankie. "I guess we'll just have to continue this later. My place after work?"
"Definitely," Frankie nodded before going to his desk.
Jane got down to Maura's office, stepping inside she noticed Frost laying on the couch, his hands behind the back of his head, "What's up with Frost?"
"He got a phone call just now, his father called. He's in town," Maura explained looking up at her wife before focusing her attention back on the computer.
"Ah I see," Jane went over to Frost, picking up his legs letting them rest on her lap as she sat down. "Isn't that a good thing, I thought you guys had a stronger relationship than before."
"Yeah we did, but things are different, I have yet to tell him that I'm... you know... involved with your brother. He doesn't know I'm getting married and honestly I've never spoken to him about my sexuality."
"Oh so you have to decide if you should come out to him or not?" Jane patted his legs. "I can go with you for moral support if you need."
Frost smiled, "As much as I'm honored you want to come I'm going to kind of invite Tommy, you know, if you don't mind."
Jane nodded, "Why wouldn't I mind? I've been replaced," she looked at him with a pout.
"Oh Jane you're such a child," Maura spoke up observing the two. "You hardly can be replaced."
"Yeah no one can replace you Jane," he sat up, running a hand over his face. "You could help me tell Tommy that he's coming to meet my father. I mean if you want to be helpful and all for that moral support."
"Oh no, that's your job Frost," Jane shook her head. "You're the one who's marrying him. I can help him prepare but you need to tell him he's meeting your father. He's not exactly good at first impressions."
Frost nodded, before he could speak his phone rang. It, of course was Tommy. He got up from the couch and left Maura's office before answering the call.
"That's very nice of you Jane, wanting to help Tommy impress Barry's father." Maura smiled at her wife.
Jane nodded, "Well to be honest, Frost's father scares the shit out of me, I can only imagine that Tommy will wet himself if he fucks up this meeting. Tommy is going to need all the help he can get, trust me."
"Aren't you overreacting just a little Jane? I'm sure Tommy will be fine, he's much more mature than he was a year ago."
"Oh there is no overreacting when it comes to Admiral Frost. There's only under reacting."
"There's no need to get all worked up, I'm sure they'll have a nice meeting and you both will have worried for nothing," Maura reassured her.
"Always the optimist Maura," Jane smirked, sitting on the corner of Maura's desk.
"Well someone has to be, the world would fall apart if we were all so pessimistic."
"We're not pessimistic, we're just concerned that's all. There's a difference," Jane leaned down to kiss her wife, joining her in the chair. "And if I recall correctly my beautiful wife did get worked up when we had dinner with her mother, so you shouldn't be so judgey over me and Frost overreacting. It's perfectly normal," Jane stroked Maura's jaw, "to be nervous about meeting up with a parent about their coming out," she placed a kiss below her ear. "And I was nervous meeting up with Paddy in Paris, you remember how nervous I got, how you had to calm me down, tell me everything would be fine."
"Your point being?" Maura asked, raising her brow.
"My point is that it's more than okay to be nervous and over reacting," Jane pulled back, smirking. "So don't call us pessimistic," she got off of Maura's lap.
"You're such a tease Jane. You didn't have to stop you know," she bit her bottom lip.
"Come on now Maura, we're at work. Speaking of which I should really get back to it, I shouldn't leave Frankie and Crowe up there for long."
"How are they doing? I never really talk to them anymore since I helped them get together and work things out."
"They are as nauseating as usual, we weren't that disgusting at work, were we?"
Maura shook her head, "Let's not get into that, shall we?" she smiled. "Now didn't you say you had work to do."
"Yes ma'am," Jane saluted before leaving Maura's office, she ran into Frost at the elevator. "So, how was the talk with my brother?"
"Well I told him about meeting up with my father, we're going out for lunch tomorrow. I told him and you're keeping your word about helping him prepare, right?" Frost asked, hopeful she wouldn't go back on her words.
"Of course Frost, I want your dad to get a real good impression on my brother, he's going to need all the help he can get. Are you going to be alright?" Jane asked, as they stepped into the elevator.
"Yeah I'll be alright, I just really hope it goes well you know? I'll tell Tommy he could go to your place tomorrow so you can help him get ready, how does that sound?"
Jane nodded, "That's alright, I don't have anything planned for tomorrow, so I'm here for you. Tommy will be on his best behavior and your father will love him... well maybe."
"I'm less scared of Tommy's first impression, I'm more worried about his reaction to me getting married to a man."
"You absolutely positive that you don't want me to go for moral support, I can just sit in the background, maybe have one of those bluetooth things for my ear, make sure you and Tommy both say the right thing," Jane suggested.
"Jane, I'm positive I don't need you for moral support. You can't always be there for me Jane, this just has to be one of those times," Frost reassured her.
"If you change your mind, you know where to find me," she patted his on the back, exiting the elevator once they got back to their floor they headed to the cafe for Jane's smoothie. "Far away from that as possible," she rolled her eyes at her brother and Crowe kissing at a table. "Don't you two have um, I don't know, work to do. I'd much prefer if you got to it, don't make me go talk to Cavanaugh about finding a different replacement for me," she shook her head going to get her smoothie, she was kind of addicted to them once she started her new diet.
"I don't think she's serious."
Crowe shrugged, "I don't know, I rather not chance it though, you know?" he patted Frankie's leg before getting up from the table.
"You seem to be in a very good place with Crowe," Frost took a seat across from Frankie.
"Yeah, we're pretty good, I've been enjoying his company outside of work a lot. It's weird having a life outside of work, especially considering how well I've done the whole love thing."
"Do you love him?" Frost asked and Frankie shrugged.
"I'm not exactly sure what it is. I'm afraid to get there, you know, it always seems to end up in disappointment. When you utter those three words it's more serious. Crowe and I aren't exactly in that serious place yet, and I'm not even sure if I ever will be, not being serious seems more simple in a way," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'd actually prefer not to even think about it if I'm being honest. Him and I never really had that talk."
"Whatever works for you," Frost looked down at the ring on his finger. "It has nothing to do with me, right? You're not holding back because of me right? I don't think I'd feel good knowing I was holding you back when there's nothing really for us, you know?"
"Why does everyone think I'm not okay with you and Tommy?" Frankie stood up from the table. "You are both happy and I'm fine with it. This has nothing to do with either of you."
"Frankie I was just making sure, please don't make this into a big thing. I was just curious that I was your problem with not wanting more with Crowe. I still care about you Frankie, we've been friends for a long time, I just want you to be happy, you deserve that, and Crowe seems pretty content with you. That's a good sign."
Frankie sighed, sitting back down, "I'm sorry, I just, I keep on getting asked if I'm okay, fine with everything and I'm just over it, you know? I am happy for you and Tommy, I swear on it. You believe me, right?"
Frost nodded, "Of course I believe you Frankie."
"Even he asks, you know... Crowe asks me more than once a day if I'm okay and it gets exhausting. I know he cares, but sometimes I feel like he cares too damn much about me, and I feel bad because I don't care as much as he does," Frankie frowned. "Maybe I should just stop seeing him, he should be with someone who cares just as much as him."
"Are you sure about that? I don't want to tell you what to do, but you guys seem really happy to be with each other, are you willing to let him go?"
Frankie shrugged, "I don't know."
"I'm here for you, if you need me. I mean we are going to be brothers one day," Frost got up to pat Frankie's shoulder.
"Yeah, thanks for being here. Can we just keep this between us though? I want to be really sure that this is the best thing for me, the best thing for him," Frankie looked up at Frost.
"Of course Frankie, plus I think Jane would be a little too happy if you broke things off with Crowe. I wouldn't want to get her hopes up," he looked over to see Jane talking to Lydia in depth about something.
"I can only imagine, she'd be the only person who would throw a fuckin' break up party," Frankie shook her head. "I'm glad we can talk though Frost, put all the past behind us."
"Me too Frankie. We should probably get back to work before I get yelled at by Jane."
Frankie chuckled, "You know it's odd, she wants to start being the boss now when she leaves soon," he got up from the table and went back to his desk, Frost in tow.
"So remember Lydia, this is what I'll be ordering from now on, so can we at least try better at making it much more edible for me? I would actually like to enjoy eating healthy shit while I'm at work," Jane crossed her arms, staring down the blonde girl.
Lydia frowned looking up at her, "You don't have to be so hostile towards me Jane."
"Look it's not easy trying to have this health food thing going on, but it's what's best for me. We wouldn't want me to be angry because you can't do things right, now do we?"
"Of course not Jane. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, just do better," Jane scowled, grabbing her smoothie from the counter, before turning on her heel and walking away.
Maura walked into the cafe, noticing Jane looked upset. "Jane, are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm fine, blondie over there just irks my nerves. She had to make my smoothie three times, I gave her a list of things I was eating and told her to practice making it edible," Jane sat down, Maura joined her at the table.
"Is that the only reason you're angry with Lydia?"
"Amongst other things. But what else is new, we all know I never liked her one bit. And I continue to not, I don't even think she wanted to protect you, she just wanted to protect herself. Ma is hurting a lot over Frank's death, moreso than I thought and just seeing how emotional she got today, the guilt Ma has been feeling about not being there and it just, it really bothers me seeing Ma like that," Jane admitted and Maura reached over to take her hands in hers.
"I know you're concerned about your mother, but Lydia is going through a loss too. I know you don't exactly like her, but maybe getting angry at her isn't the best thing to do. She lost someone she cared about. She's in mourning too," she squeezed Jane's fingers. "Can we try to be nice to her? For me?" Maura asked and Jane sighed.
"You just had to throw the for you thing in there, didn't you?"
"Well sometimes it's the only way to get you to do something. And maybe you shouldn't have teased me in my office chair," Maura winked and let go of Jane's hands, going to the counter to get something to eat.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter like the others. I put a little bit of everybody in here, even though Tommy wasn't physically there. Now we know how Angela really has been feeling about the loss of Frank, Tommy gets to meet Frost's father, Frankie is going through a crisis, I swear I worry about that boy sometimes. And Rizzles is of course their amazing flirty bantering beautiful selves. Can't wait for you guys to see what's in store for everybody next.
