Two days after our night out drinking and I had learned better than to accompany the guys on a weeknight outing. Jean and Kain were the only ones who had gone out the previous night. I was making a mental list of the foods I was going to shove on Kain for the day to make up for the drinking when I walked into the office, spotting a cuffed man, teenager really, and pulled up short, mouth still open to make some quip about the hangovers I was expecting to see. The dark skin was immediately obvious, red eyes glancing to me and then back to the floor. I raised an eyebrow at Kain, the closest to our unusual prisoner,
"Did I miss something?"
Roy, from where he was digging in a filing cabinet trying very hard to ignore our unwilling visitor, spoke without turning around. "Major Drumm wanted us to watch him while their office cleared up a few things."
Choosing the office of the 'Hero of Ishval' to watch what was probably the only Ishvalan in custody was needlessly cruel to all parties involved. It made sense it would be Drumm at fault, the Ass. Unless, in his strange, racist, mind, he was only thinking of Roy as some 'expert' on Ishvalans, and ignoring all information beyond that.
The Ishvalan raised his head, and I tried to ignore how young he was, but all thoughts of his age were blanked out when he spoke, as if the question was torn out of him, as if he didn't mean to ask it all.
"May I have some water?"
It wasn't the content of the question, or the tone, or even that he was bold enough to ask in the company he was with, no doubt knowing who was near him, in the one language he could be reasonably sure we didn't speak, his own. No, it was the sound of that language itself. I assumed it was Ishvalan, and like all languages of this dimension I knew it should correlate with a language from my world, and the corresponding people. I didn't expect it to be Hebrew, the familiar sound hitting me like a brick chucked straight from my deep past, and the crushing realizations that came along with this were shoved aside explosively, because I could not deal with a revelation like this at the moment. The young man attempted to stutter through the question in Amestrian, nerves strangling his words and making them unrecognizable, everyone in the office looking lost. In a slight daze I walked over to the water cooler and filled a small paper cup, walking back to the young man with all eyes on me, gently placing it in the hands cuffed in front of him before pulling one of the chairs closer to him, taking a deep breath while he sipped the water.
"Why are you here?"
He nearly choked on his water, head whipping around to me, eyes wide, expression mirrored on every other face around me.
"You know שפה?!"
I assumed the unfamiliar word was 'Ishvalan', it couldn't exactly still be called the same thing with the dimensional differences. I filed the word away, slightly hysterically, and tried to conjure up a weak smile.
"Ah, well, I didn't know what it was called before now, or who it belonged to. My grandfather taught me, when I was very young. It's been...a long time."
That grandfather had died before most of my health problems had even started, or at least showed themselves prominently. I had rarely practiced with my grandmother since then, something in her dimming once he was gone. It was...both soul damaging and uplifting in the most bittersweet way to hear the language again, coming back to me far more easily than it should given the gap in practical usage. The mental room that contained those memories was light, and smelled of the Italian villa I hadn't wanted to think of, couldn't stand to think of since I'd been trapped in another dimension. I pushed back tears with a vengeance.
He squirmed slightly in his chair, but much more obviously relaxed now, smiling at me.
"He must have been a priest. You speak...eh, like a monk."
No, but most of my studying had involved religious text once he was gone. Texts whose counterparts probably weren't widely available here, either through the displacement of their entire nation or in a way similar to how the early Catholic church printed bibles in a language the common man couldn't read. I pushed the thoughts away again,
"I'm sorry if I'm hard to understand, again, it's been….a very long time. Can you tell me your name, and why you're here?"
"I am Kenaz, I...I will admit that I did the thing I was accused of. I stole a loaf of bread for my sister. I know the story is a common excuse, but she is very sick."
After a split second of thinking I came to a decision, the plan already having started to form when he spoke, those ignored revelations spinning around anyway.
"If you will let me, I can help you. I can tell the officers who took you in that you are an informant, working under my orders, and the charges will be dropped. I can also provide medicine for your sister but...the best way for me to do so is...ah, I don't know the word. With the sparks."
His eyes widened, and the word he spat out instinctively I cataloged as for alchemy.
"An Ishvalan אלכימאי? That is...unexpected."
I filed away the word for alchemist and shrugged, trying not to fidget,
"In my defense...I didn't know."
His expression turned incredibly sad,
"It is a terrible thing, to not know yourself, or your people. I am sure your usage of alchemy can be overlooked, in light of this. Any Ishvalan would be honor bound to teach you your heritage, they would not turn you away." He paused, the sadness fading into something tinged with desperation, "Can your alchemy really help my sister?"
I nodded, smile much more genuine now, "Medicine is my speciality, actually."
I turned my attention to the rest of the room, Riza was turned away from me, one hand resting on a filing cabinet, the other clutching a stack of folders to her chest with unusual force. Roy was sitting in Jean's chair, his head in his hands, Jean leaning over him with a hand resting gently on his friends bowed back. Breda was the one to speak to me, the others staring.
"I didn't know you knew Ishvalan. Where did you even learn it? I thought they refused to teach outsiders."
I stood, ignoring that it was obviously a fishing expedition of questions, straightening my uniform absently,
"My grandfather taught me, when I was young. I didn't even know it was Ishvalan, till just now. He never said...I'll be out of the office for the rest of the day, and I'm taking Kenaz with me."
No one said anything or made even the slightest of efforts to stop me, Kenaz following when I motioned for him to. I found Drumms office quickly enough, motioning for the teen to stay outside, smiling reassuringly at his nervous expression.
I knocked rapidly, letting myself in when there was a shout, my face straightening into stoney disinterest. There were papers everywhere, scattered on the floor and across desks and I didn't bother to ask, before turning directly to the man who was in charge. Though I was slightly reassured that there actually was a reason they needed to pawn off their prisoner, cruel as it was in the end.
"Major, I need the keys for the Ishvalans cuffs."
His face coloured and I could see the start of a screaming fit of racism coming and kept my expression as cold as possible.
"He's one of my informants, he was in need of a reason to be brought in to meet with me but the wrong officers got to him first."
He scoffed,
"And what need do you have for information on the little desert rats?"
"You heard I'm taking the state exam? Well, I'm a medical alchemist, where else am I going to get free test subjects?"
The words, with their exaggerated accent making them feel like less of my own, even as an excuse...tasted like poison. He paused, eyes narrowed, finally a smile breaking out on his face for the first time in my presence, slapping me on the back good naturedly.
"I didn't think you had it in you Arcaro. Take the rat, good luck with your research. And good on you for using the creatures to better Amestris."
I nodded, not even trying to smile as I took the cuff keys, doing my best to walk calmly out and not storm around like I wanted to, a buzz under my skin reminding me of alchemy, of the power it held, of how quickly I could turn the entire place inside out, turn him inside out. I could feel the slimy certainty that the Major was going to start attempting to interact with me much more often. Thank God I wasn't going to be at Eastern headquarters for too much longer, otherwise I was going to need anger management classes. But while I was here, I had a ghetto to renovate.
Kenaz explained my presence to those that met us at the mouth of the ghetto area, getting suspicious looks until I spoke to them, language rough with disuse. Red eyes went wide, and then sad, just as Kenaz' had done, at the same explanation of my ignorance. One gave me a commiserating pat on the shoulder as we passed, it only made me feel worse, somehow.
Kenaz showed me to his little sister first, a charming 6 year old girl named Nava. Her eyes were bright blue, a fact that Kenaz was proud of, she could have a future, he said. I made a mental note to pay for her college myself. Their mother was away, father unmentioned, leaving the two of them alone with me in the tent. There was no one there to see the sparks that flew, save the enamoured children. It took thirty seconds and the girl was breathing easier, shoulders relaxing from where they had been scrunched in pain.
"It's not completely gone, you have to fight the rest of it yourself so that your body knows how to do it again should it need to. Do you have access to plenty of water?"
Kenaz answered for her, a shake of the head,
"The well is in disrepair, the proper papers have been filed, but the lady at the city planning office tells us it may take another month before someone can even come assess it."
"...would it cause a riot if I used alchemy to fix it?"
I appreciated that he genuinely thought about it for a moment before shrugging,
"We could always ask the elders. Come with me, I'll vouch for you. Not that you'll need it, you are one of us in the end. Rest here Nava, I'll be back soon."
The girl waved as we left, busy munching on the apples we'd picked up on our way, blanket wrapped around her shoulders and radiating contentment. The walk to the correct tent was tense, hostile eyes following us the entire way. I regretted not changing before coming here, coat not doing a damn thing to hide the military uniform under it. Kenaz ducked into the tent, leaving me waiting where he indicated. Vague sounds of a fierce argument leaked out and occasionally a wrinkled face would poke out to eyeball me before they ducked back inside to resume.
After a few minutes Kenaz' flushed face popped out, motioning me inside.
I stepped in hesitantly, taking in my surroundings quickly, relying on my memory to be able to examine everything later. My first glance showed only comfortable seating, an ancient phone, and what looked to be prayer rugs. I couldn't be sure if it was a cultural difference in the religions that didn't translate across dimensions, or if things were completely different and only the language was the same. I pushed down the hysteria, now wasn't the time.
"It's an honor to meet you, I am...Stephanie Arcaro."
At this point the fake accent was more habit than anything, a habit that had allowed me to keep up my deception, the second 'r' of my name trilled in a way that no doubt sounded exotic to Amestrians and Ishvalans alike. Pointing out, no matter how subtly, that I was in no way Amestrian…it could only help at this point.
The group of 'elders' turned away from me, several expressions hidden quickly as they drew away to argue amongst themselves where I couldn't hear them, now that it was evident I could understand them to some extent. I examined the different reactions, now that I had the time, keeping my head bowed and eyes on my boots as I did so. Most of them had the same sad look as the guards, and even Kenaz. There was one that stood out among the others. I glanced up at the young man next to me, elbowing him gently to get his attention.
"The one in blue...she is angry with me."
It was somehow a statement and a question all at once, but after his initial confusion he understood what I meant anyway, shaking his head vehemently as he leaned closer to conserve our privacy.
"Old Oshra? No! Well, I mean, yes she is angry, but...she is not angry at you. None of them are angry at you, but more on your behalf. A part of yourself was missing your entire life, and as far as they are concerned it is the fault of those around you that you were unaware. It is...it is their duty to teach you of your heritage and yet…"
"-And yet I am part of the very problem that brought you all here, away from your homes. I am to be one of their dogs soon enough."
He hesitated before nodding,
"Yes. They wish to take you in, to love you as their own, as it should be. But circumstances are not on our side."
We stood in silence for almost an hour after that, with me resuming my boot staring. After the small eternity they motioned Kenaz over, the same woman in blue whispering in his ear before turning away, avoiding looking at me completely. Kenaz practically bounced back to where I was standing, grinning widely,
"You may fix what you like, but I must accompany you while you are here."
It was much better than what I was expecting. It took less than ten minutes to put the well to rights, even with drawing circles and pretending that I needed them. From there I let Kenaz drag me around the entire area, fixing whatever he pointed out. The sun had set an hour ago when the first person approached me timidly. Or rather, approached Kenaz. They directed the question to him at first, an inquiry on a specific sort of repair, and when I answered the man asking directly, in the same sacred language...eyes widened, fists tightened, and everything devolved from there. Many a home I hadn't been allowed anywhere near before became available to me, the same familiar pats on the back offered to Kenaz were extended my way and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I was called 'child', in that same soft voice, by all, and I didn't have the heart to point out that I was much older than I looked. Huts with leaking roofs or cracked floors, homes, gathering areas, everything was open to me. I only barely overheard Kenaz mentioning Nava before almost instantly children were approaching, dragging me to ill grandparents, chatting the entire time. Subjects ranged from the weather, to my accent, to my strange skin. But all of the children referred to me as 'cousin'. I pushed aside another breakdown, now was not the time or place.
The entire place was lit with fires and eventually I was taken back to where Nava was sleeping, a small pallet made for me as well. I didn't sleep long, just enough time to get enough energy in my body to allow more transmutations, then I was right back at it. It was four days before I couldn't find anything else to improve, or add. All illnesses were taken care of to the best of my ability and knowledge, follow-up care advice given, all tools fixed, and tents replaced with simple stone structures transmuted from nearby rubble, even a stone bathing area. None of it made my guilt better. I still hesitated to leave, handing a slip of paper to Kenaz.
"This is my home number, I repaired the landline in the elders area, so if you ever need anything don't hesitate to call. Especially if the military gives you trouble. I'll be getting a boost in rank soon, more than enough to help."
He smiled fondly, making shoo-ing motions.
"Go home, Cousin Stephanie. You have done all you can here. We shall not forget you. Even old Oshra is starting to grow fond of you, you are family after all. Visit us, when you're next in town, alright? And don't forget to keep up your education!"
It was Monday morning of my last week in East city, and I showered and changed in my temporary room before heading into the office, pausing outside of the door. I pushed away all my doubts before they could truly form, stepping inside, still doing my best to ignore ignore ignore. Though the way that all conversation ceased when I entered wasn't very reassuring. Roys head stayed down from where he was staring at Jean's desk, having obviously stolen his chair, and he didn't look up, the pen in his hand shaking slightly. I tried not to stare, instead looking around the room at large and raising an eyebrow at them.
"What? Never seen a midget before?"
I paused, tilting my head at an extreme angle as if listening, my neck popping lightly in the process,
"Damn, I was hoping to summon Edward." Breda snorted before slapping a hand over his mouth. I grinned at my success, turning away from him. "Whoever else shall I ask for Alchemy help." I stepped decisively closer, flopping down in one of the chairs across from Roys place at Jeans desk, "Oh, look at that, my alchemic mentor. Tell me, dear mentor, what do you think about an alchemic space program?" My 'accent' was almost more obnoxious than ever before, just another buffer to put between myself and the teen that had spent time in their custody, an accent that was plainly not Ishvalan.
He finally looked up, exhaustion tinged with confusion, eyes still not quite meeting mine,
"What?"
"You know, using alchemy to visit the moon! I'm thinking combustion, just a big ass circle that functions as a catapult."
He snorted, caught it, then burst into laughter. If it was slightly hysterical no one commented, but the general mood of the office relaxed just a bit. I smirked, not waiting for it to awkwardly fade out,
"No dice? Don't worry, I'll come up with something else. In the meantime, have you had any thoughts on the penicillin research we're bullshitting?"
He shifted in his chair, refusing to look me in the eye, Riza still standing in front of the filing cabinet, unmoving.
"I...haven't really thought about it."
I scoffed, still smiling slightly, "That won't do, I still say we credit Jean."
The man in question squawked, head snapping up from where he had been pretending to do paperwork,
"Me? What?"
"Yes. We just tell them you were trying to help out and put the wrong thing in a dish, and then forgot about it when a pretty set of legs in a skirt walked by."
Roy snorted once again, shoulders more relaxed than they had been earlier, and the pen wasn't trembling anymore. I should have known from the look in his eye that he wasn't going to just let me pretend that nothing had happened.
"Perhaps it would be best if we took this to my office."
This was met with tense silence from the rest of those present, which I blatantly ignored. I shrugged, stretching as I stood,
"Whatever you say, bossman. Lead the way."
He shuffled together the papers he had been working on, moving slowly, almost reluctantly, and my heart broke, just slightly, that he dreaded being alone with me. This man that I trusted above all others, was afraid of me.
I followed him into the office, noting when Riza didn't follow us.
"Close the door."
I raised an eyebrow, but did as he directed, giving an obviously worried Kain a reassuring smile as I did. The moment the door was closed my expression snapped back to the neutral smile I had been holding since I arrived. I turned back to him, stuffing my hands in my pockets as I draped myself over one of the 'guest' chairs in front of the desk. He was staring out the windows instead of facing me, hands clasped tightly behind his back and shaking slightly.
I wasn't in the mood for anime logic, for that style of posturing or ranting. Too bad I live in that sort of universe now. I took a deep breath through my nose to compose myself.
"Lt. Colonel."
He jerked his head to show that he had heard me, but refused to turn around. I sighed, speaking softer this time.
"Roy."
At that he actually did turn slightly, eyes hidden behind that damn fringe of hair. I decided to roll with the nonsense thoughts that flooded me, the situation could hardly get worse.
"You laugh in the face of regulation." It was said absently and he jerked around to look at me fully, "What?"
I snorted, "What, you think that floppy, fabulous, hair of yours is in regs? Then again, I doubt anyone is out here correcting a Lt. Colonel, no matter that general military authority exists. Go on, be your best handsome sheepdog self. I'm sure it's an off-duty hit. Or on-duty. Sharon in accounting is a fan, I know for sure."
"What?"
He sounded even more confused and I took pity on him, sighing and leaning forward, rubbing my temples slightly,
"Nevermind, don't worry about it. Just speaking nonsense, nerves and all that."
Before I could take a breath to launch into my next portion of 'distracting nonsense', that I hadn't even come up with yet to be honest, he turned abruptly. His hands went to the desktop, bracing himself, head downturned and face hidden from view once again.
"Arcaro...Stephanie...I…"
I couldn't even imagine where this was going, and thus couldn't comprehend how I could ever fix what would happen if he actually vocalized his thoughts. Genocide. Attempted or otherwise. A people that I personally could not be related to, no matter what all of the facts would point to. The differences in dimensions was fucking with me once again, not that any of these people could know that.
"Mustang. Roy."
I stood up as smoothly as I could, knowing it would appear boneless, this was a practiced motion for intimidation after all. I leaned forwards into his space, ignoring my increasing heart rate and the strangely familiar cedar smell of his cologne, focusing on the words, on the false accent that was so integral to my identity these days.
"I'm going to need you to listen to me. I'm well aware, of your past, of your perceived sins. I don't need to hear you put yourself down, ask for whatever forgiveness you think you need to ask for. Whatever Ishvalan relations I had fled Ishval before you got there. I can guaran-fucking-tee that you didn't harm anyone related to me. And as for the rest, you're making up for that already, aren't you? This entire bid for the throne, for power. It isn't for powers sake, it isn't for shits and giggles. It's to right your wrongs. That you recognize it was wrong, that you dedicate the rest of your life to fixing it...that this is your reaction at all...it all speaks to your character. Do not define me by my ancestors. I am still Stephanie. I am the same person who rearranged your lungs, who will take the state exam for your cause, and if you really are determined to pity me, then don't." Summoning up courage from the depths of my soul, and stamping down the part of me that loved this man I stuck a hand forwards, forcefully tilting his chin upwards so his wide surprised eyes could meet mine. "Do not pity me, of all people. I've stolen, killed, tortured men into insanity. If ever there was a person to pity, it wasn't me, I don't deserve it." It was my turn to be unable to meet his eye. I let go of his chin, missing the warmth immediately and hating myself for it. I straightened up, pulling the collar of my coat up slightly to attempt to hide the blush that was no doubt forming from the close contact. I cleared my throat,
"Anyway, all of that shit out of the way...are we good?"
"Good?"
He sounded so confused, and I risked a look at him, confirming that he was indeed, extremely confused. I sighed, heavily and from deep in my soul.
"Is everything alright between us? Because...no matter what I've learned here, I'm going to keep following your lead. I meant what I said the other day. If you're leading the way, it'll be fine."
There was a beat of silence, then, weakly,
"...you'd still follow me?"
I huffed, amused despite myself, taking that for the answer I was looking for and stepping closer to the exit, speaking softly for once,
"Of course."
I opened the door to the main office, ignoring how almost everyone was gathered in a huddle, to gossip no doubt, though none were daring to even attempt eavesdropping.
"I'm going on a coffee run, anyone want anything?"
After various nods or shakes of the head I turned to the last silent member of our group.
"Riza? Coffee?"
She put down the file she had been pretending to read, turning just slightly before nodding. "Yes. Thank you Stephanie."
I tried not to read into the strain in the words, nor the relief that I was speaking to her at all. Whatever guilt they were feeling for 'realizing' that they were part of the attempted genocide of 'my' people, it didn't belong there. My grandfather wasn't actually Ishvalan, and they had never harmed anyone actually close to me. That said, they had harmed plenty. They were part of the reason for that ghetto I had spent so many days repairing. But, they knew they did wrong, were tricked into doing it if the anime held true. They slept fitfully for it, and spent every day of their lives marching towards power over this country in an attempt to make it right. And that was what mattered in the end. If my 'forgiveness' was what they needed to move forwards, then I could give it to them. This wasn't Germany, they weren't Nazi's, and I was going to stop thinking about this before I could talk myself around full circle into doubting my entire support network. Coffee, let's focus on the coffee.
I'm not dead, but I am finally going back to college, so shoot me some good vibes and excuse my long absence plz ~TimeLordOfPie
