Chapter 7
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
Dolly Parton
Awareness sparks against the edges of my deep sleep, coaxing me to awaken. Resisting, I bury myself deeper into the soft sheets, wrapping myself in that incredible scent as my consciousness slowly begins to drift, balancing on that tightrope between reality and my dream world. My well rested body stirs, stretching as my muscles awaken. They are deliciously sore, but feel strong. A distant memory tickles my slowly awakening mind, luring me out of my sleep, but before I have the opportunity to grab a hold of it, there's a strange noise that catches my attention instead. Footsteps and a gentle humming.
Inhaling a startled breath, I awaken with a jolt, staring around the unfamiliar room in confusion. For the second time in an equal amount of days, I've woken up in a bed I don't recognize. My heart begins to race in fear as the pieces of my memory slowly begin to click into place. Glancing down at my body, I'm relieved to find that this time I'm at least wearing my pajamas. However, when the door suddenly opens revealing an extremely good looking Paul, I scamper to cover my body with a blanket.
His deep chuckle and rogue smirk sets my cheeks aflame as I run my fingers nervously through my unruly hair. Jesus, I must look like something the cat dragged in.
"Good morning," he greets brightly. Something tells me he's been up for hours already.
"Morning," I respond, my voice is still rough with sleep.
Paul takes a few steps towards me, my eyes falling on the breakfast tray in his hands. Warmth flares across my chest at his kindness, however it quickly mixes with that uncomfortable feeling in my gut that reminds me that this was a one night… well, actually a two night thing. My reactions must still be slow because of just waking up, because when Paul disposes of the tray onto the night table next to me and lowers his lips to mine as though it's the most natural thing in the world, I welcome it without thought. Every nerve in my body explodes to life under his touch, making it difficult for me to resist him. I'm able to keep my mouth closed, afraid that if he deepens the kiss I'll lose myself completely. Luckily, he seems to be satisfied with the soft, achingly tender kisses. When he eventually pulls back, I'm surprised by how affected I am. Releasing a shallow breath, I try to hide my trembling hands by burying them in the sheets beneath me.
The open affection in his dark eyes makes my heartbeats stutter, as his thumb gently strokes my cheek.
Damn, rejecting him was going to be more difficult than I thought.
"How did you sleep?"
My tongue feels like it's lost the ability to form words, so I simply nod instead. Paul's smile widens, almost as though he can sense how much he affects me.
This is not good.
With a final, gentle caress against my cheek, he takes pity on me, picking up the tray before placing it over my lap, successfully creating some much needed space between us. Wrapping my fingers around the hot cup of coffee, I lift it to my lips to take a small sip. Holding it over my mouth like a barrier. Paul remains seated at the edge of the bed, watching me with those striking eyes of his. Resolve spreads through me, my shoulders locking into place as my decision becomes firm.
"Paul," I begin seriously, fully prepared to set him straight.
I'm not prepared, however, for the sudden sharp laughter and the way his dark eyes dance with humor. Trying not to allow it to affect me, I place the cup back on the tray and force myself to hold his gaze.
"Last night shouldn't have happened. I was emotional and I wasn't thinking straight."
Paul clearly tries to wipe some of the humor from his face and nods, motioning for me to continue. Still a little unnerved by his strange reaction, I stumble through my next words.
"I realize the fact that we've slept together… uhm… twice, may complicate things moving forward, however for the sake of the farm-."
"You want our relationship to stay strictly professional," Paul fills in, his voice oddly monotone as though he's reading something off of some instruction manual.
Flustered by his strange attitude, I find that my following answer is sorely lacking in confidence.
"Yes!"
His response, however, hits down like a lightning bolt.
"Bull shit."
My mouth opens and closes, mimicking a goldfish as I try to process this absurd situation. Paul makes sure to hold my gaze, the steely glint in his eyes taking me completely off guard.
"E-excuse me?"
I'm finally able to stutter out.
Distracting us both, Paul casually leans forward and picks up a grape from my small bowl of fruit before tossing it into his mouth.
"You heard me."
Frustration and annoyance surges within me, reawakening some of that stubbornness and determination I'd practically built my career on.
"Mr. Lahote, I implore you to -."
This immediately congers up an alarmingly strong reaction from Paul, who practically leaps to his feet, his hot, black eyes glaring down at me from his upright position.
"Jesus, Leah, NO!"
Shock mixes with fear, rendering me speechless. Paul immediately grimaces at my reaction before quickly softening his stance. The muscles of his jaw clench together tightly and I can't help but notice the sudden appearance of a pulsing vein on the side of his neck. Taking a shaky breath, I do what I can to calm my racing heart and see that he is doing the same. When he eventually breaks the tense silence between us, his voice is achingly tender.
"I like you, Leah. Probably far more than I should and I am incredibly attracted to you."
I'm powerless to stop the jolt of excitement and feminine satisfaction that I feel shoot through me in response to his words. Before I know what is happening, the tray of food is again set to the side and Paul is seated right next to me, holding each of my hands in his as though they are his most precious jewel. His eyes lower to our joint hands for a moment before slowly returning to mine.
"I don't want to pretend nothing happened between us, Leah, or brush this off as some mistake."
He almost spits out the final word.
"If losing Harry and Sue has taught me one thing it this-."
The hairs on the back of my neck rise and a string of goosebumps flush over my skin as I anxiously wait for him to complete his sentence. When one of his hands move intimately to cup the side of my cheek and his lips curl into that incredibly handsome half smile, I feel a shiver of anticipation run down my spine.
"Life is short."
An image of my parents flash in my mind and a sharp pain cuts through my chest. Almost as though he can sense my pain, his thumb begins to soothingly stroke against my cheekbone.
"I don't want to live whatever life I have left filled with regret, Leah. And if that means going against the social rules of dating or not mixing business with pleasure, then so be it."
His words and achingly tender tone coaxes out a brand new emotion from deep within me that I literally don't know what to do with. Immediately, I feel my throat close up as fear mixes with longing, pulling me in two very different directions.
"Paul," I whisper brokenly, my voice shaking with the struggle I'm feeling building inside me.
When the top of his forehead touches against mine, I find myself grabbing onto his elbow, desperate to keep this strange connection as a strange calm washes over me. Our breath mixes together and we both close our eyes, trying to hold onto whatever this is.
"Give me three months."
I almost don't hear his whisper. Feeling my brows tighten, I open my eyes to find his piercing into mine. He repeats his words, stronger now.
"Give us three months to figure out what this is."
Again, I feel like a fish out of water. Paul leans back ever so slightly, his expression doing nothing to hide the excitement he feels about the proposal he's just bombarded me with.
"I-. I can't."
Right?
My weak refusal doesn't even faze him.
"I have a life in Seattle; an apartment; a job."
Each is a valid argument in it's own right, but at this exact moment I feel like I'm grasping at straws. Paul's eyes narrow.
"Relocate."
"Paul!"
"Okay, then sublet your apartment for the next three months before you give it up completely."
The confident and warm sparkle in his eye causes my lips to turn unwillingly as a bubble of surprising laughter threatens to rise within me.
"Oh, and when it comes to your job, I have the perfect solution."
This time I'm powerless to stop the wide smile from spreading across my lips when his lips curl into a roguish smirk.
"I have this big, old, farm that needs a lot of work and guess what? You're hired."
We share a light laugh, enjoying a blissful moment in our little dreamlike bubble. Unfortunately, it doesn't take long for those tight invisible strings of reality to tug at the edges of our little safe haven and bring us back to earth. Doubt threatens to overshadow that small fragile spark between us, but in the next second that same spark flares to flaming inferno as Paul's lips suddenly cover mine.
Heat explodes between us and time becomes something of an afterthought as my mind becomes blissfully still. It doesn't take long for our kiss to escalate into something resembling a volcanic eruption. We're both practically panting when he reluctantly pulls his lips from mine, his fingers curling around my bare breast from where his hand is straining against the skimpy material of my pajama top.
"Please say yes."
I try to distract him with yet another kiss, but once again he's able to read me like a book.
"Give me three months, Leah."
His next words feel like a bucket of icy water.
"It's time to stop running."
Reacting purely on instinct I push away from him and throw my legs over the side of the bed as I try to clear the arousal from my mind. Paul must notice that I need some space because he doesn't move, even though I can feel his eyes burning into my back. Panic rushes over me as each and every single one of those painful memories from my final days here in Forks play on repeat in my mind like something out of a horror movie. My voice is cold and distant when I finally find it in me to respond.
"You don't know me."
I can hear that he wants to argue, but instead I allow those memories to fuel my all-too familiar bitterness and anger.
"No! You need to listen!"
Turning to face him, I try not to react to the pity and genuine compassion I see shining in my direction.
"You might have some twisted impression of me after living with my parents for years on end, but don't you fucking dare pretend that you know me, Paul," I seethe.
The rage and hurt I feel surging up inside of me almost too much to bear.
Lifting his palms up in front of him in surrender, he makes sure to keep his voice achingly soft when he eventually responds.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
Folding my arms protectively over my chest, I look away, afraid I'll crumble if he even begins to question my reaction. This is why I don't let people in.
"You're right."
I can hear him move behind me and consider for a second if I should move away, but something inside of me makes me pause. I'm so tired of always being so angry. When his arms wrap around me, pulling my back against his front, I allow myself to melt against him. His deep sigh in my ear reveals his deep relief. The tension in his muscles slowly begins to fade away. Lost in thought and with a turmoil of emotions swirling around inside of me, I accept the warmth and comfort of his embrace.
"Three months, Leah, that's all I ask," he whispers against my nape.
Sighing tiredly, I squeeze his arm, silently asking him to tighten his hold around me. He immediately complies; his physical strength, the thing I need to keep my demons at bay.
"Okay," I breathe, praying to all that is holy that I'm not making a horrible mistake.
