Chapter 35

"Katara! What's for breakfast?" Katara rolled her eyes at the sound of Sokka's voice, her brother bursting into the kitchen of the Ba Sing Se estate.

"Your favorite, slices of fried duck's breast together with scrambled eggs and sautéed eggplant," Katara replied, busy as she tried to manage the pots and pans. She hadn't done any cooking for at least a couple of months, and had been very rusty at first, but she was slowly starting to find her groove once more. And even if her first attempts hadn't been particularly great, at least Sokka wasn't the most discerning audience, with his appetite he tended to eat whatever was piled in front of him.

"But that's not my favorite," Sokka argued as he sat down at the kitchen table, looking impatient.

"Well, too bad, because that's what you're getting," Katara chuckled, doing some quick assembly of the prepared ingredients and distributing them across the two plates, then placing the by far fuller plate in front of Sokka before sitting down to eat herself.

"Hey, this isn't half bad, sis," Sokka smiled at her as he gulped down his food so quickly as if he was worried that someone might show up to try and steal it.

"Glad to hear it," Katara nodded. It was nice not to feel completely useless, even in this small capacity. Sokka spent most of the day out in the city, getting into all sorts of trouble and adventure, but Katara had refused all his attempts to get her involved. Instead, she spent her days at the estate, trying to work through the complicated mess of her confusing thoughts. The news that Sokka had brought back from the city about the Fire Nation rebels overthrowing a pair of local governors, hadn't exactly set her mind at ease.

"Well, that was nice," Sokka let out a satisfied sigh as he pushed his plate aside. Katara gave him a look of disbelief, barely half way through her own meal. "Is there any more?" Sokka gave her a hopeful look.

"There's isn't," Katara sighed. "Really, Sokka, your stomach is like a bottomless pit that can never be filled."

"Oh well, I'll get some skewers down in the Middle Ring," Sokka licked his lips as he rose from the table. "Well, guess I'll go challenge more people to a street haiku competition. Sure you don't want to tag along?" Katara shook her head firmly. "Maybe it's for the best," Sokka nodded. "At least if the Dai Li show up to evict us, you can waterbend them out of here."

"The Dai Li aren't going to do anything like that, I told you already," Katara sighed. Sokka was so convinced that the Dai Li would try to get back at them for stealing the services of inventor Okashi from under their nose, but Katara knew that they would not be so bold to act aggressively against the Fire Lord's consort. "If there's anything I'm uncomfortable with is that this estate was given to Aang and his friends to use, but... I'm not sure I am included amongst them anymore. If he were to arrive in Ba Sing Se, that would be incredibly awkward."

"Well, I'm still Aang's friend, and as his friend I can invite anyone I please, so consider yourself invited," Sokka shrugged.

"Thanks," Katara chuckled. "But if Aang does arrive, I'll be moving out. Zuko gave me enough money that I can afford to rent a place of my own. And he also told me I can always ask Iroh for help... speaking of Iroh, I should really go and talk with him. I think I'll do that now."

"Well, at least you'll be leaving the house for once," Sokka rolled his eyes. "Want me to go with you, sis? It sounds a little boring, but if you want me to..."

"No, no, I'll be fine, and you're right, you would only get bored," Katara smiled at her brother. "Just try not to get into too much trouble and I'll see you in the evening."

"Alright, see you later, Katara," Sokka stopped to briefly hug her and then was out through the front door like a whirlwind.

Katara spent the next little while cleaning up in the kitchen, making sure everything was nice and orderly. Then she retreated to her room upstairs to make herself presentable for leaving the house. She chose one of her simpler Water Tribe outfits, aware that wearing her Fire Nation dresses would draw too much attention, something she wanted to avoid. Feeling satisfied with her appearance, Katara eventually stepped outside, quickly making the relatively short walk to the Jasmine Dragon.

Once she was seated at a table inside the tea shop, Katara asked one of the servant girls to send for Iroh. It didn't take long for Zuko's uncle to emerge from the back rooms and make his way over to where she sat, taking a seat at her table. "Ah, Katara... so good to see you again," he greeted politely. "I was hoping you would come before my nephew finally pressed me into seeking you out."

"He's been asking about me?" Katara asked, unable to hide a smile. It warmed her heart to hear that Zuko was missing her. For her part, she had been missing him terribly.

"Oh yes, he always asks me about you whenever he sends the latest updates on the situation," Iroh nodded. "So, how are you?"

"Sorry... I'm still just as uncertain and confused as before," Katara sighed.

"What about?" Iroh asked gently. "Tell me what ails you, Katara."

"I... I just feel like I've done more harm to Zuko and the Fire Nation when I chose to be with him," Katara admitted, lowering her eyes. "Just look at what has happened since then! The rebellion is in full swing, they are taking over some of the regions! If only I hadn't placed my own happiness and selfish desires above the needs of many, the Fire Nation might be at peace right now if only Zuko had married Mai."

"But Zuko wanted to be with you just as much as you wanted to be with him," Iroh pointed out. "Whatever the consequences might be, this isn't just because of what you alone desired, Katara."

"Maybe, but if I had turned him down, he would have gone back to Mai. Probably," Katara added uncertainly.

"Do you think Zuko would have been happy with Mai?" Iroh prodded.

"I don't know..." Katara sighed. "But what does it matter? What does mine or Zuko's happiness matter when lives are at stake?"

"It matters more than you might think, Katara," Iroh smiled patiently. "An unhappy ruler is also an uncaring one, someone who will not be motivated and attentive to the needs of his people. And I'm afraid that my nephew was slowly turning into such a ruler even before you arrived in the Fire Nation. If he had married Mai, her family would have slowly usurped more and more power, sidelining Zuko. Perhaps after producing a heir with Mai, he would have succumbed to a mystery illness or an assassination." Katara's eyes widened in shock at that suggestion. "And believe me, Katara, Ukano and his allies do not care about serving the people of the Fire Nation. No, they are from the mold of Sozin, Azulon and Ozai, and would rule as the Fire Lords of old. None of us want that for the Fire Nation, do we?"

"Of course not!" Katara exclaimed passionately. "Thank you for your perspective, Iroh. I hadn't considered it... I don't know if it convinces me, but..."

"Well, allow me to add something else that might convince you, Katara," Iroh continued as the servants finally brought them steaming cups of ginseng tea. "I know what you did to secure the services of that inventor for the Fire Nation. That would have never been possible without you by Zuko's side. Without you, Zuko would have likely had to approve a most unfortunate decision in regards to Okashi, just to prevent an asset from falling into the hands of the Dai Li."

"I don't think Zuko would have done something so terrible," Katara protested.

"Not the Zuko you know and love, Katara," Iroh smiled. "But a dejected, unhappy Zuko, who is disillusioned to the point of becoming apathetic? It's not impossible. But your relationship has prevented this outcome, and your presence at the court allowed to find a solution that had an immediate positive impact on the Fire Nation fortunes. It was a truly remarkable turn of events, Katara."

"I must admit... the outcome of my involvement felt very rewarding," Katara blushed lightly.

"You are right to feel proud about what you did," Iroh complimented her. "Politics is usually a long game, and often the decisions we make don't play out fully for many years to come, sometimes even decades. But what you achieved with Okashi brought fruit immediately, which is very rare in politics. Now, once the rebellion is crushed, the Fire Nation will be in a very strong position, largely thanks to what you did."

"Are you sure you're not overstating my importance just a little bit?" Katara's brow furrowed as she gave Iroh a skeptical glance. "Also, you make this whole crushing rebellion sound so easy, when it's really not."

"Trust me, Katara... to have them finally reveal themselves is a good thing," Iroh said confidently. "They are more dangerous when acting from the shadows. Exposed, they can finally be defeated once and for all."

"Maybe, but it will still cost lives, won't it?" Katara sighed. "Not to mention that Ukano still hasn't tipped his hand, unless the news I have are old..."

"No, he's still waiting," Iroh admitted. "I'm not saying that it's all going to be simple or easy, Katara. There is still plenty of work to do until the Fire Nation as a whole falls in line behind Zuko. But I reject the assertion that today we are in a worse situation than before because of your relationship with Zuko."

"It's so hard for me to accept that when every night I wake up from nightmares of On Ji bleeding to death next to me," Katara sobbed out. "Someone so young and vibrant died to protect me, and I failed miserably while trying to save them. I can't reconcile that with the idea that my presence at the court has not made some things worse."

Iroh fell silent at that, sensing her distress and waiting for Katara to recompose herself. "It was a terrible situation for someone as young as you to be placed in, and I truly regret not being able to prevent it," Iroh admitted with great sadness. "I am not at all surprised that it weighs so heavily upon you, child. I am not unfamiliar with losing someone I truly care about on my watch. I know what it can do to a person, so I can at least offer to share my own experiences in hopes that it will help."

"Are you speaking of your son, Iroh? Lu Ten?" Katara asked softly.

"Yes," Iroh nodded. "The stories others tell about what happened can be very far from the truth. If you wish to hear what really happened, I would gladly share it with you."

"I would hear it, Iroh, unless it's too painful for you," Katara replied.

"The passing of time has smoothed the scars I bear from that day," Iroh smiled pensively. "As you probably know, it happened during the ill fated First Siege of Ba Sing Se. For a long time, the Fire Army under my command struggled to break through and take the city. The reason for our struggles should be obvious to anyone who has seen the walls of Ba Sing Se, but Fire Lord Azulon did not care. He wanted results and he was losing patience, threatening to recall me and replace me with someone more capable. No guesses as to who that would have been."

"Ozai?" Katara asked, receiving a sharp nod.

"I did not want to see that happen," Iroh continued. "So, as a last ditch effort I came up with a daring plan. A small strike team would scale the walls under the cover of night, while the main army carried out a diversion by attacking another section of the wall. I discussed this with Lu Ten, and while he pointed out the dangers of this mission, he agreed that tactically the plan made sense and was worth a try. I asked him to put together a strike team that would scale the wall, while I went to oversee the diversion by the main army. The operation was about to get underway, the strike team was in position, when I asked one of my officers to find my son. Imagine my distress, when the officer replied that my son was with the strike team, about to set off on their mission. Understand, Katara, it was never my intention for Lu Ten to lead the team himself."

"Why did he decide to do such a thing?" Katara asked, seizing the teacup in an iron grip from the tension.

"That was what I wanted to know as well," Iroh explained. "I nearly flew into panic as I ran off in search of Lu Ten. Eventually, I managed to find and confront him, demanding an explanation. I can still hear his reply to this very day, Katara. 'Father, I will never ask one of my men to do something I was not willing to do myself'."

"I... I'm so sorry, Iroh," Katara managed, a few tears running down her cheeks. "Your son... he must have been so very brave."

"To a fault, some would say," Iroh smiled bitterly. "I tried to talk him out of it, but to no avail. I threatened to cancel the entire mission, but he begged me not to do it. Do you know what his last words to me were?" Katara shook her head. "'Do not worry so much, father. Tomorrow morning, we'll be having tea in the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se.'"

"Oh... spirits..." Katara sobbed, starting to cry in earnest. Iroh waited patiently, offering her a napkin and she gratefully accepted it, wiping her face. "That must have been... your own son..."

"I was not myself for a very long time, Katara," Iroh spoke softly. "What happened did not break me, but it forever changed my perspective. I would give everything to be able to reverse the decision that took my son from me, but at the same time... I know that without those painful experiences, I would not be the man I am today. I would have most likely be a more powerful, but spiritually lesser man, one that did not have the wisdom and compassion necessary to help my favorite nephew become the remarkable man I know he can be. And I wouldn't be able to give my hopefully useful advice to you now, Katara."

"It is incredibly useful, Iroh," Katara nodded gratefully. "I think I understand what you are trying to tell me. I must not allow On Ji's death to break me. Instead, I must learn from it and become even more thoughtful when it comes to dealing with the power and responsibilities I have."

Iroh gave her a bright, supportive smile. "Even at such a tender age, you are such a thoughtful and wise young woman," he spoke softly. "And you have been a wonderful support, a strong shoulder for Zuko to lean on. You just need time to see that yourself."

"I wasn't able to convince Zuko not to execute his own father," Katara still felt like arguing. "I needed to protect him from having to do something so awful, and I failed..."

"You must understand that if you hadn't been at the court, Zuko had most likely been pressured into killing Ozai much sooner," Iroh replied. "But you were there, and though you were not able to stop it altogether, you made sure that Zuko did not make his decision lightly. You made sure that he understood the weight of his decision."

"I guess..." Katara sighed. She was still struggling and fighting herself at every turn. She desperately wanted to believe what Iroh was trying to tell her that she was good both for Zuko and the Fire Nation, but she still could not allow herself to believe it. "I understand what you're trying to tell me, Iroh. I think it's mostly because of On Ji and the nightmares I've been having... I'm just afraid of making things even worse should I come back to Zuko."

"That's why I think you're ready, Katara," Iroh smiled encouragingly. "Do you know what kind of ruler isn't worried about the consequences of their decisions? Reckless tyrants like the men who preceded Zuko."

"You're right..." Katara muttered. "Still, if I've been so good for the Fire Nation, why don't I feel that way?"

"I think you have the unfortunate trait of downplaying your own achievements while magnifying what you believe are your failures," Iroh looked at her kindly. "I know of a certain young man who loves you very much and who often falls into the same trap as you do."

Katara laughed despite herself. "Yes, I admit, Zuko does have that failing... I suppose we really are two peas in a pod in that regard."

"You don't have to rush yourself before you are ready, Katara," Iroh spoke encouragingly, patting her hand. "But give a good thought to everything we discussed here today. Let it all settle, and I think you will see yourself in a new light. And if you are still plagued by doubts later... well, you know where to find me. I will always make time for my wonderful future niece-in-law."

Katara blushed deeply at Iroh's words. "Thank you so much, Iroh," she said. "Are you... corresponding with Zuko often?" Iroh nodded at that. "Could you please tell him that I am doing well, and that I love him more than anything?"

"I will let him know, of course," Iroh smiled. "And remember about my offer, Katara," he added as she rose to leave. "Know that I am here for you."

"Thank you, Uncle Iroh," Katara smiled gratefully at the old man. "Thank you... for everything."