Negan kept me out of the loop, Alexandria and our former community newswise. I was fine with it, but I knew that there would be upheaval, that seemed to be the way of the world now. Even when the world first went to shit fast and furious, I wasn't much of a fighter. Had I killed the walking, growling former dead/currently brain dead? Of course, we all did, at least once. But when we'd found Alexandria, even when Rick Grimes and his people came stumbling in, my focus wasn't on fighting.

While Negan, Eric, Steven and the rest of the world kept going on about the business of keeping us all alive and well, my focus was on getting Trey to say more words. "Dada" and "Mama" were clearly favorites, but "Unca" and "Aunie" were gaining steam. "No" was also one he got out perfectly, which was great, as long as it wasn't in response to the foods we wanted him to eat, or bedtime, or bathtime. Yes, Trey was hitting the terrible twos with a fucking vengence.

I had a homemade calendar, something I found necessary with a tiny person to keep track of his firsts, and his other milestones. And I was counting down the days until his second birthday finally arrived. Negan, after coming in and picking up our very irritable toddler, trying to calm him down noticed the calender and saw that the date was fast approaching.

"Does our Boo Bear have a birthday coming up, princess?" He asked, having finally calmed down the fifth tantrum Trey had that day. I nodded, feeling like my head might stop pounding now. "What should we do to mark the big occasion?" I raised an eyebrow. Having dealt with our little guy's increasingly loud screaming all day, I didn't have extra brain cells to rub together to think of anything.

I finally shrugged and started picking up the toys that had lost a battle with our tiny terror. I was tired, and my head was still hurting, but with him back with us, he could take some of the heat off me. "No idea of what to do, Negan." I yawned, Trey hadn't taken a nap and for once I felt like I needed one.

"I'll talk to the kitchen staff, maybe they can figure out how to make him a little cake," Trey's finger was trying to find Negan's dimple under the scruff. "What about gifts? He loves trains, right?" I nodded, tossing myself onto the sofa beside the two of them, I let myself get as comfortable as possible.

I knew why I was balking, deep down inside, why I was at war with myself about celebrating his birthday, but Negan was looking at me like I was a loss at Trey's 'important' milestone. I sighed. "Mary died getting him a gift for his first birthday," it came out as a breath, but I knew he heard me. Negan's hand touched mine and I automatically linked our fingers. Trey was leaning his head on his daddy's chest, and Negan's free hand was sliding through the dark curls on his tiny head, mesmerizing him and getting the tiny terror's eyes to start to droop. "If he takes a nap now-" but I stopped. If he takes a nap now, then so could mommy. "I want to celebrate his birthday, I do, but it's-"

"A good day coupled with bad shit." He nodded at me, brushing a kiss on Trey's head as he heard the little snuffling noise that signaled sleep approaching. "Then we remember the GOOD shit, Amara. That's all." I curled closer to him, wrapping myself almost around his free side, letting my free hand reach out to touch his on Trey's head. "He's a miracle, sweetheart, OUR miracle. So he has to have a birthday party, even if it doesn't fucking look like a normal party from-"

I smiled and shook my head. "When would I find time to plan this party, Negan?" I found myself yawning. "Sorry, he's just been-"

"Throwing tantrums constantly?" Unlinking our fingers, he wrapped his arm around me and held both me and our little guy. "Maybe he needs time around people his own size and age." I snuggled into his chest, watching Trey's innocent face in sleep. "The people I have teaching the kids here," he stopped and kissed my forehead. "Would you like to teach the kids here? The others didn't really have the training, and a few want to go to other outposts."

"Is this a promotion from human sex toy or-" I grinned up at him as his quiet chuckle vibrated the sofa. "Let's put our little guy in his crib, and maybe, just maybe, I'll let you convince me."

I took up teaching as easily as I had in Alexandria. Making a list of anything else that I could think of that the runners might find to help the kids grow and learn, I warned Negan that it wasn't a huge deal if his people couldn't find some or any of it.

Trey was shy around the other kids at first. He hadn't really interacted with the kids in Alexandria much, being that he was so little. It took about a week, but one day I realized that he hadn't thrown a single tantrum to get my attention and found him playing with a couple toddlers on one of the blankets I'd put down for the littler kids to sit on while they listened to the older kids learning.

School only took a few hours a day, but Negan had been right. Trey was getting more independent and less screaming and demanding. I still hadn't found time to think up a plan for his fast approaching birthday, and I bemoaned my lack of planning to Negan over dinner one night.

"Amara, I've got it fucking taken care of." I raised an eyebrow as he was showing Trey the magic of a fork and spoon, since it was time he fed himself. His eyes met mine and his grin grew. "Trust me, princess, Trey is gonna have a fucking wonderful birthday."

Trey's birthday came four days later. Waking up to an empty bed, and an empty bedroom, I followed the sounds of giggling to the bathroom. Negan had filled the bathtub just enough so Trey could have a blast playing and splashing, without him having to join him. I leaned against the counter and watched as our two year old was smiling and bouncing in the tub that would work as a paddle pool for him.

"Did we wake you, Mama?" Negan asked, making growling noises at Trey as the little guy mimicked him. I laughed at my two bears. "Boo, did we wake up Mama?" Trey's giggles rang through the bathroom and I smiled down at him.

"Mama, Mama, Mama," Trey chanted, splashing the water and giving me a grin.

"Trey, Trey, Trey," I offered, kneeling beside Negan and poking Trey's tiny nose making another round of giggles come bubbling up. "Looks like our birthday boy is happy, Dada."

Negan's arm wrapped around me and pulled me onto his lap. "He is, and so is Dada." Kissing me for a beat, we came out of it sputtering. Trey had figured out how to make a wave with his body and forced a huge splash to smack us apart. I laughed as Negan shot our little one a look. "Boo? Really?" Which got more giggles from both of us.

I dressed Trey after we managed to talk him out of his 'pool'. Once he was presentable, I set him on his feet and watched as he ran to the outer room looking for his daddy. I chuckled when I heard Negan's groan signifying that a tiny rocket had just launched himself onto his lap, and started getting ready for the day myself.

Once I had my hair up, dress in place, and shoes on my feet, I walked into the main room and my eyes nearly fell out of my head. Somehow Negan had managed to decorate it with colorful streamers and balloons. A banner that looked like Eric's handiwork was on one wall announcing Trey's birthday. And on the sofa sat Negan and our little boy, looking like the two happiest males I'd ever seen.

"How did you-" I gestured around, eyes noticing a pile of brightly wrapped presents on the bar out of reach of our tiny birthday boy, and on the coffee table were small plates and forks.

Negan's smile grew when he saw how impressed I was. "It was easier than I thought, Amara. Half the shit was in the abandoned town nearby, fuck no one thought to loot a fucking party store during this mess." I shook my head and sat down in the chair nearby. "The cake isn't huge, but it's pretty decent, and Eric and Steven helped me pick gifts, and of course they got little Boo shit and so did-"

"Laura?" I smiled. "Will you ever NOT amaze me?"

"I fucking hope not." He answered, as a knock came to the door.

Trey's second birthday was everything that Mary had hoped his first one would have been. I hoped, so much that it bordered on becoming a prayer, that she could see it and that she was content that we were raising him as she wanted.

Watching him opening presents, after Negan showed him how to rip the paper to shreds, seeing him take that first sweet bite of cake after blowing out the candles, which uncle Eric helped with since he swore that us straight assholes knew nothing about blowing was completely amazing. He had fun with his new train toys, the books that Negan and Laura managed to find that he didn't already have in his small collection, and the popping of the balloons was something he nearly laughed himself silly from.

Tuckered out, too tired for his evening bath, we tucked him into his crib with a new stuffy that Steven had found in the marketplace. I watched as he sighed contentedly in his sleep, his tiny fist wrapped out the arm of his bear and couldn't help but feel sad. He was growing up, and if I thought the terrible twos were bad, I could only fucking imagine his teenage years.

"Are you crying, princess?" Negan's voice was quiet, watching over my shoulder, his arms around me as usual.

"It's silly," I turned, burying my face in his chest. His fingers were sliding up and down my back, trying to soothe me. "He's growing up, he won't be my little-"

Negan's arms tightened around me. "Oh, Amara," he sighed into my hair. "Sweetheart, he's not too grown yet, don't rush it and get yourself upset."

"I told you it was silly," I muttered, feeling him chuckle. "I know it's stupid, but it feels like I just watched him being born and now-"

Negan moved me from the crib, taking me into our bedroom and pulled me onto his lap on the bed. "It's not silly, it's just not worth fucking worrying about yet, princess." He buried his face in my neck. "We still have the threes, fours, fives…" I shook my head at his goofiness. "Let's enjoy him being little, and not fucking borrow trouble, ok?"

"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "You did really fucking amazingly at party planning, Negan. Are you going to be our wedding planner too?"

"Absolutely," I looked up to see him grinning down at me. "Anything to get to the fucking honeymoon."

I shook my head as my laughter replaced my moment of sadness and he took my breath away with a long smouldering kiss that had me wishing for our honeymoon, but then, as our clothing fell away, I realized that I had a honeymoon almost every fucking night with Negan.