Sorry... I've been a busy bee at work.
Enjoy!
M.
PS: Beane... So far, no one knows why she feels guilty. I guess they all think she just did what she had to, and that she's okay with it. She's not, but she tries to keep it hidden. Imposter syndrome is an awful thing that adds a lot of guilt for things that aren't really there.
Chapter 94
Friday, January 25, 2013
"Auntie Janet?" Parker asked. As she walked into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
"Parker, what are you doing awake?" Sam asked.
"Mom," she smiled and embraced her mom's waist. Placing her head over Sam's chest, letting out a sigh of comfort. Sam rubbed her back softly and tugged her in closer. "I heard voices. I thought it would be Fred. Then I realized it was a female. Everything all right? Did you fix the issue at the base last night?"
"Issue?" Janet asked.
"Yeah, you know… the one that kept her at work. Isn't that why you are here, Auntie? When will I be older enough to get coffee?"
"Never," Sam grinned. "You stay away from coffee and love until I die."
"Isn't that a rather fatalistic approach at four-thirty in the morning?" Parker yawned.
"Maybe," Sam grinned. "Go back to bed P. I'll wake you up when I finish with Fred."
"Okay. No complaints here. Nice to see you, Auntie Janet." She threw over her shoulders before padding back to her room.
"Issue?" Janet said again, eyebrow raised in questioning. Sam gulped, blushed, and avoided eye contact for a while. "Not judging you. I get it."
"You do?" Sam frowned, placing one mug of coffee in front of her.
"Hell, yes! I've been a single mother too, remember? I get it... Kids don't come with a guide. Not even alien kids, if I might add. So, we do what we think is best. Then we terrorize ourselves with the idea that we're screwing them up, no matter how much we try not to. Underneath it all, we're still just humans. Just women that need some air and a breather occasionally. I don't know if you ever managed to take a breath while gone. Since you didn't have anyone out there to help you out with her. So, if that's what the 'issue' was… Time for you and your husband to reconnect without the kid in between… That's good."
"Until it's not. Until it's me who we're talking about. Then it's so fucking screwed up, that it ends up with a call to you! So you'd stop me from what? Killing myself maybe?"
"He was worried," Janet shrugged. Sam took a deep breath.
"I think he saw me putting a gun to my head."
"Figuratively speaking?" Janet frowned. Sam shook her head and sighed.
"His gun. The one that got Charlie killed."
"Whoa. Sam… you really need to speak to someone."
"Aren't we speaking?"
"Yes, but maybe I'm not enough. I'm not that prepared for those kinds of subjects."
"As my former friend, are you prepared to stay with me if I spiral down?"
"As your friend, of course, I am. Don't look at me like that. I never stopped being one, I never stopped wanting you back. I told you this before. I told you I'm here if you need me. I thought you just needed some time to figure yourself out first that's why I never prodded… But …"
"No buts, Janet. I won't kill myself. I didn't do it when I was desperate and alone. I won't do it now."
"Then why the gun?" Sam sighed.
"I'm not sure… I knew it wasn't loaded," she shrugged. "But I couldn't help it, I couldn't help to think that was the best path. That with me out of the equation, everything would be much more simpler for everyone. Sometimes I still think that me dying would've been for the best."
"Sam," Janet started placing a hand over her trembling one. "It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to have someone to talk with… It doesn't make you weak. I'm here. Whenever you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I'll just jump on your counter, so you won't have to double over to get to my shoulder." She joked. "I'm serious, though. You had my back. I have Cassie because of you. I'm…" She took a deep breath. "I'm here for whenever you're ready. Okay?" Sam nodded once.
There was a knock on her door. "That's Fred." Janet frowned at the name. "My trainer?"
"Ah. I should get going then. Maybe find a way to cover up the dark under my own eyes. God knows that rumor mill will come up with something as bizarre as that we'd had a three-way or something. All those sex-driven men have some imagination."
Friday, January 25, 2013
It's still early in the morning when there's a quick rap on his door not dissimilar to one he had received after Janet's birthday party. Daniel knows he's kept himself away from any alcohol. After that stint of his, that cost everyone more than he was willing to admit.
Vala rolled her eyes at him. As if she knew it what whoever was knocking on their door was coming to find. When she opens the door, she lets out a sigh. Before she asks loud enough for him to hear. "What has he done now?"
He doesn't hear the answer, just a whispered exchange, but if it's Jack… Well, he would be surprised if it was Jack. The last time he spoke with him, he'd just warned him of a possible heartbreak if they didn't talk. Maybe he was right, and that's why Jack's here so bright and early in the morning.
He steps out of the kitchen where he was having breakfast. Noticing the two women, arms crossed by the waist, looking at him as if he was the holiest asshole in the whole damn world.
"Sam?"
"I'll go to the store," Vala announced then, grabbing her jacket and walking towards the door. "Will you need anything? Some band-aids? A suture kit? Or should I just get a coffin?" She said but doesn't wait for an answer before she closes the door behind her.
Sam is glaring at him. He had been on the other end of that same glare before. Not coming from her, but her replicator. Maybe they're more alike than he'd given her credit for.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Daniel? What the fuck did I do to you?" She hissed.
"Me?" He asked, confused by her words.
"No, my fucking granny! Why the hell would you tell Jack I was fucking someone else?"
"I didn't tell him that!"
"Oh, then please explain to me, how he happened to jump to that exact conclusion, with the little he said you told him? Huh?"
"I don't know! I was just worried about him!" He defended. "I was worried he'd get his heart broken all over again because you'd moved on. You have a kid, Sam! You have someone who comes for you… Someone that kisses you and embraces you freely on the street. What does Jack have? A bone you throw him when you feel alone?" She chuckled dryly.
"Of all the people…" She shook her head, tiredly. Defeated. "You were my friend, Daniel. You were more for me than my own fucking brother!" Tears welled up in her eyes as rage surged fiercely with every one of her words, make them stronger, angrier. "The Daniel I knew would've never gone behind my back! The Daniel I knew… He would ask me first. Holy fuck, when did I lose your respect?"
"You didn't!"
"Then, why?" She shouted.
"I told you! I was worried about him!"
"And me? Did you ever stopped to think about me?" Her eyes never leave his. Until he couldn't bear it anymore. "Fuck, Daniel. First, you went behind my back and told everyone I fucked my way to a place I don't even want to be. I took this job, these promotions, that I don't feel I deserve, just for him to get back here. I came back to Jack. I came back so my husband could meet his daughter! I trusted that my friends would have my back. Yet, no one stopped to think about me, or my feelings. I wonder if any of you ever thought how close to the fucking edge I've been walking since I left. How hard it was to leave everything behind, to keep Parker safe, to keep all of you safe. When I was so utterly alone."
She shook her head, pinched the bridge of her nose. "You know what's worse? I'm not sure if this is even worth it."
"But… The man…"
"The man you saw me with… It was the same man both times. Is Jack's brother. But you wouldn't know that because you never approached me. You never asked me."
"Jack's brother?"
"Yes, Father Connor O'Neill. He made all the damn way back to Colorado just to listen to me. At least someone is willing to listen to me." She mumbled the last part.
"I'm sorry."
"I guess you were so worried about him, that you forgot I'm just human too. That I was just returning from almost twelve fucking years of being everyone but myself. Of hidden panic attacks, and constant fear of someone finding out where I was or who I was. Too damn quick to judge…"
"I said I'm sorry!"
"Yeah, sometimes I'm sorry I returned too. Sometimes I'm sorry I survived." She turned around and took a deep breath. She wasn't going to break in front of him. She couldn't break now. When she still had to be at work and pull her badass General out of some obscure place. "You care about him. You were worried about me breaking his heart. You never cared about how broken mine already was. So find him. He needs you now. Help him… Since you never tried to help me."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, confused. "Help him with what?"
"Oh, you'll know. If not… I'm sure you can come up with your own fucked up conclusions. Since you're so good when it comes to me." She said walking away from him.
She found Vala sitting on the stairs. They exchanged a glance.
"I'm sorry." She said. "Sometimes he can be an ass, but he doesn't mean to."
"Yeah. I know. That's why it's so hard to hate him." Sam nodded in agreement.
"And so easy to love him." Vala agreed.
"Yeah," Sam couldn't help but smile sadly in agreement before she schooled her features again. "I'd be grateful this visit doesn't reach anyone else's ears?"
"Never. You have my word that it won't come from me."
"Thanks," Sam said, starting to move again.
"You both deserve to fix your lives, you know?" Vala added, making her stop. "You and Jack. I might not be... you know… human…" she mouthed. "I might have my years of screw-ups. But I know people in love when I see them. I just hope you both can find the way back to each other. Let me know if you need his butt kicked."
"Daniel or Jack's?"
"Either-or…" Vala grinned. "See you on base, General."
Friday, January 25, 2013
There's a universal truth that happens in every single office around the world, civilian or military notwithstanding. If the boss is in a foul mood, the entire office suffers. Cheyenne mountain complex containing two of the most top-secret places inside its bowels wasn't free of this, either.
It was worse too because there wasn't just one but two. It was easy to see how sour things were on the tenth floor where the HWS CO barked orders around. His floor was a chaos of people rushing to fulfill his needs. His pristine dress blues a contradictory image to what one person would be able to read in his eyes.
Seventeen floors below, things weren't that much different. SGC CO wasn't in a foul mood, per se. She was back to being the woman she'd had been during the few first months since her arrival. Her orders were delivered with a cold, detached tone that left no space for questions.
With the mix of how frazzled Doctor Fraiser was looking, when there had been no emergencies that had granted her an excuse. Or how Doctor Jackson had his eyes cast down and his shoulders slumped. Added to the fact that one of the night guards from the entrance had seen both Generals' leaving around the same time. Had the rumor mill going crazy. As Janet had guessed, there were several versions of why things were as they were. Including one where there was a ménage à trois that somehow Daniel had walked into.
The players in the rumors had heard them but weren't paying attention to them at all. Their minds running a mile per second with what they'd learned in the span of a few hours. And Jack… well, Jack hadn't poked his head out for anything else than barked orders that also included food requests.
So, when there was a knock on his door. The secretary let out a short prayer on the visitor's behalf.
"T." Jack hissed.
"O'Neill."
"What do you want, T,?" Jack asked, with a sigh.
"It's I who wonders how I might be of assistance."
"I don't think there's anything you could do to undo the clusterfuck I've created." Teal'c crooked his head. But didn't pressure him or asked more. He knew Jack would find the fewest words to say what he wasn't saying. "I have a daughter." He said.
"Indeed."
"You knew?"
"I've had no doubts since I laid my eyes on Parker Carter. The little girl looks remarkably similar to you if one is to pay attention to the details." He pointed.
"She does, doesn't she?" Jack's lips curved up slightly.
"She also is fierce… Like her mother." Teal'c pointed out.
"I don't know what to do, T. I don't know how to get her back."
"Her?"
"Them," Jack amended.
"If you want them back. Why are you speaking to me and not them?"
"Because I screwed it up, T. Isn't that why you're here?" Teal'c observed him for a while.
"I'm here because the people who love you had concerns about your wellbeing."
"The people who love me?" Jack said with a raised eyebrow.
"Janet, Vala, Daniel, and two very worried Carter women."
"They… She talked to you?"
"General Carter stopped by my office earlier this morning." He smiled. Thinking it was amusing that the same room he'd considered home for so long was now referred to as his office. "She said you might need my assistance. I understand Daniel Jackson has received such a visit too. Now, Parker Carter decided to call me bright early this morning. Just when I found out Janet wasn't near. Parker Carter was concerned about your well-being. She mentioned an issue that had kept her mother and Janet at the base yesterday. Janet was not held up." Jack rubbed his face tiredly.
"I was the issue. I mean… I was the reason Sam wasn't home after leaving the base. She… We… and I screwed it up." Jack sighed. "We were doing this… Thing. We were moving forward somehow."
"I noticed it."
"Yeah. Well, then Daniel said something and instead of asking her… I got angry and blamed her for things she wasn't guilty of."
"And now you stand corrected?"
"I do."
"Then ask for forgiveness."
"It's not that easy, T," Jack sighed.
The Jaffa stood up and gave him a small smile.
"I believe doing it is easy, O'Neill. Only thinking about it is a complicated thing. That brings ideas that don't belong in our heads. You both were excellent at showing how much you cared about each other before. Yet were awful at talking about it. Perhaps, it's time for you to show her, them, how you feel?"
"What if she knows? What if she doesn't care?"
"Am I not here?"
"You are."
"Have I not mentioned why I am here?"
"You have."
"Then, in the words of a very wise man. Words that helped me find what I thought I had lost… 'It's time for you to show her how much she means to you.'" He bowed his head and left.
Jack shook his head. Recognizing those were the words he'd said to T. Back then, when he was doubting about going for a relationship with Janet. But it was so much simpler for them. Janet wasn't lost for almost twelve years. They hadn't had a kid he didn't know at all.
"Why do you keep throwing the curveballs to me? Don't you know how much I suck at getting them?" He asked, looking at the ceiling. Oh, well… At least Connor would be proud if he knew he now was asking questions to God.
"Screw this." He turned his computer off and walked outside. He needed to get his shit together. He needed to get as far away from everyone as he could to stop himself from screwing it up worse. He made a pit stop home before he left for the cabin. He needed to think and figure where he stood in the whole mess he had created. He needed to figure out how to solve it… There was only one thing he knew for sure… He wanted to solve it.
