I opened my eyes, feeling a cold sweat and a headache. Did I faint? I wondered where I was for a second, then recognised the familiar odour surrounding me. I was at grans. I sat up promptly, panic returning to me very fast as I recall why I fainted. I was on the couch, in my gran's living room. My dad was sitting on the chair facing my couch, looking at me. He looked exhausted. He looked old. Much older than when I last saw him less than two days ago...
- Is it true, dad, is she really gone? I croaked.
- Yes.
He didn't say anything else, just covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking. I stood up and crashed in his arms, sobbing with him.
I was facing mom's tombstone, after the funerals. I'd told the others to go on, that I needed a moment alone with her, that I would join them in a bit.
- Mom, I began, with the annoyingly high-pitched voice of someone who's vocals chords were constricted with tears. I know you prepared me about this. To your possible sudden death. I know I'm supposed to be able to handle this well. Or, at least, better than I am right now. I know that. Things is, mom, I'm not. The pain is too much. So, I hope you'll not resent me for this. But I need a break from the pain, you understand? It's too much, I said, taking out my wand. I remember your warnings, I do... It's just too painful...
I took a deep breath, then did it. The thing I know she would disagree about. But she did it for a bad break-up. I'm doing it because I couldn't stop being in pain after my mother got murdered. I felt entitled to do it.
- Volo ut nullo, I recited.
The pain was instantaneous, bringing me to my knees. I dropped my wand and my hands reached for something to hold on to, there was only grass, so I pulled hard on it, tearing it apart. I bite on my lips until I felt blood in my mouth. That lasted for a while. Time is hard to evaluate when you're in pain. Hell, how many days past since my mom's death? Three? Five? Seven? I just numbly saw them pass by, like if I was out of my body, looking at all that miserable sadness from afar. After I don't know how long, I felt able to stand up. The pain was duller, physical pain as much as psychological. I took another big breath in, then out, and I disapparated.
Lily
Dorcas entered in her gran's house, under all our silent gazes. She somewhat looked... Different. I was unable to see what changes, but something did. Her eyes were different. The way she moved, too. She looked around, shook her head in annoyance, then went up the stairs to her room, and we heard the door close.
- Should I go? I whispered to James.
- I don't know, maybe she needs some time alone, he said.
I turned to Sirius, who was looking like he wanted to just disappear. He was pretty uncomfortable with those kinds of situations. Plus, James told me that he was kind of mad to be a lousy comfort for his girlfriend. He didn't know what to do to or say to make her feel better, as well as the rest of us. We were all staying for Dorcas, because we weren't staying for the jolly atmosphere. Mr. Meadowes left half an hour ago, saying vaguely that he needed to run some urgent errands. Dorcas grans was burying herself in work, we were hearing her rummaging in the kitchen at the moment, while Mrs. Potter was helping her. James' father went back home, he hadn't been feeling very well since his last trip to Egypt... That would be a crappy New Year's Eve, tonight, not that it was anyone's fault...
- Well, the hell with it, I'm going up there! Marlene exclaimed, getting up from the couch.
- Do you think that I should come to? Mary asked.
- I think that she needs all of us right now, Marlene said, getting to the stairs.
All of us looked at one another, then everyone got up and followed Marlene upstairs. That was a good thing that her bedroom was big, because it would be crowded with the eight of us in it. As we arrived, Marlene was already in.
- Everything's fine, hon? She said to Dorcas, who was rummaging through her stuff.
- Oh yeah, totally. I'm packing up for tonight, Dorcas shrugged.
We all entered and went to sit on the bed and around it, looking at her.
- Tonight? I repeated.
Dorcas turned to me, frowning.
- Is it not the night of the little bash at our place? Dorcas asked.
- Euh. Yeah. But, I thought, you know, with everything... That we would cancel... I thread carefully.
- And why? What should we do instead? Stay here in a circle and cry? I think I've cried enough, don't you think? She said.
- Well... I began.
- James, could you take care of the booze?
James looked at me, then at Dorcas.
- I guess I can, yeah... He replied.
- I can bring snacks? Marlene suggested, always ready for a party.
- Marvelous, Lils, you're in charge of music, all right? Dorcas asked me.
- Of course, I agreed.
My best friend was looking a little out of it. A little numb. But I guess I can't relate to the feeling and coping of losing a mother. Maybe she just needed a night off and that was perfectly fine.
- Perfect, then, I'm all set, I'll be on my way there, you guys can come later, around seven? Dorcas said, clearly kicking us out.
Sirius
- We'll be in 1978 in a minute! McKinnon shouted.
I looked around to locate my girlfriend. She was coming out of the bathroom, her face serious while going to the kitchen area to take another glass of James' cocktail. I went to her.
- Hey, come here, you, I said, taking her hand.
- What for? She asked.
- It'll be the new year in... I said, looking at Marlene.
- In TEN! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two... Marlene made the countdown.
- One, I whispered to Dorcas. Happy New Year! I shouted with everyone, while Dorcas said it with small conviction.
I guess it was normal, considering. I slipped my hand through her hair and pulled her closer for a New Year's kiss. Something was off. She didn't respond to it as she would usually do. But again, I guess that she was allowed to be off... For a while... I hugged her tight.
- What can I do, to make it better... I whispered to her.
- Nothing. I'm fine, she shrugged.
- Yeah, I remember last time you said that to me. You lied that time, he sighed, resting his forehead on mine.
- Looked at me, Dorcas demanded.
I pulled back a little to look her in the eyes. She sustained my gaze before she continued.
- I assure you that I'm fine, she repeated. I'm better. I will no longer be a pain, she added.
- You can be a pain as long as you want, Fury. I'm not asking you to be fine. You're allowed to grieve, I won't go anywhere. I'm right here.
- Thanks, it's appreciated, she stated, but without any trace of emotion in her eyes. You want another drink? She offered.
- No, thanks, I sighed, turning back from her and heading to the nearest couch.
I looked around, to see that everybody was looking entertained, with the exception of Remus, who was looking at me. He came to sit by my side.
- She's weird, he said.
- Yeah, you would be too, if you lost your mom, I guess. I cannot really relate, I said.
- I know. But I have the feeling that's she's not... Herself, am I crazy?
- I find her odd too, so that makes the two of us... I said, turning to him.
- Sirius... I'm sorry, he began.
- Don't be, I was the one being a jerk with you.
He shrugged, then he let out a little nervous laugh.
- Well, I mean... I wouldn't say a jerk, I would say being stupid, seeing that you would think that I could stole her from you, idiot! He laughed.
- I'm not an idiot, Moony. I'm just counting on the fact that she'll continued to be blind by my good look and forget how awesome you are, I said, smiling at him.
- You're more than a good look, pal, Remus said.
- Merlin, we sound like lame people flirting, I laughed.
- I'm not flirting with you, you're not my type. I saw you butt naked and believe me that was a dreadful sight, Remus said, pretending to shiver from disgust.
- I can return the compliment, your hairy werewolf ass is quite something ugly too, I mocked him too, but not loud for people to hear.
- But I do love you, mate, dreadful butt or not, Remus added with a small smile.
- I know, I said, finding myself funny with my Star Wars' inside joke. I love you too, I added seeing his confused face.
- Oi! Are you blokes confessing love without me? James said, while seating on my armrest.
- You know we love you too, tosser, I said, nudging him.
- I know, how could you not? James asked.
- Oh, in fact, I wrote a list of your flaws, it's getting very substantial, actually, Remus laughed.
They continued to rant, and my attention got caught by Dorcas going to her room. I got up and followed her. I knocked on her door.
- You can come in, I heard her behind the door.
I entered and saw that she was sitting on her bed.
- Everything's fine? I asked, coming to sit next to her.
- Yeah, I was bored, I wondered if you would follow, actually, she said.
She took her wand and pointed it on the door.
- Colloportus! Muffliato! She recited.
She turned to me and began to unfasten my shirt. I was surprised. I didn't think that she would be in that mood for a while. I kissed her. Still no warm reaction to my kiss from her. She was a little cold on that area, compared to the usual. Yet again, she was allowed to be weird. I unzipped her dress and pulled it up, while she helped me by lifting herself a little from the bed. She then pushed me to the centre of her bed and began to open my pants. I was naked in no time, then she herself removed her panties, before she climbed on me, clearly deciding to be on top. I pulled on her to kiss her, and yet, no warm response from her. But, before she pulled away from me, her lips went close to my ear.
- Please... Make me feel something, she asked.
I tried my best to respond to her request...
Dorcas
I disembarked from him, after he was done, and slipped under the covers. At least, the sex was giving me some good sensations. Let's be clear, I was feeling way better than I was for the last days. I was feeling a little numb, and that was a huge relief from the pain. But, I kind of craved for something less... Gray. I needed a little colours spot. I thought that sex would be part of the answer. It was good, but it wasn't as good as it was the other day. It was more... Mechanical. Less passionate. But then again, clearly the spell wasn't helping, removing emotions and passion from it, I guessed. I turned on my side to try to go to sleep, and I felt him coming closer to spoon me. I kind of didn't want him to, but I was too tired to turn him off, so I let him.
I was walking through the alleys of the library, searching for an empty spot to work on my Potion essay, when I located a table only occupied by one student. Regulus Black. I went in his direction.
- Can I sit here? I asked him.
He looked up at me, then recognizing me, his eyes went wide in surprise.
- Yes, of course, he agreed, still looking flabbergasted.
I dropped my pile of books and my bag on the table before I pulled on the chair to sit on it. He was still staring at me.
- Something's wrong? I asked him.
- No. I mean, yes. I mean... I'm simply surprised that you would want to sit with me...
- And why is that? I asked.
- I learned about your mother, he said.
- Yeah?
He was now frowning at me in incomprehension.
- She was killed, by Death eaters? He continued.
- I know.
- I mean... Those people you consider my crew... He said, looking like he was about to lose it.
- You didn't kill her yourself, did you? I asked.
- No, of course, not, he began.
- Then why on earth would I resent you for it? I asked. Can I get to work, now? I said.
- Hum. Yes, of course... He agreed, still frowning.
Sirius
- Sirius! I heard in my back, as I was heading outside for my Care for Magical Creatures' class.
A voice I didn't thought I would hear calling after me, after all those years. I turned back to see my little brother following me.
- What could you possibly want? I greeted him coldly.
- I just needed to ask you something, he said.
- I'm all ears, I sarcastically said.
- Your girlfriend... She isn't well, is she? He asked.
- Oh no, she's perfectly fine, her mother just got murdered by your pals, I groaned.
- That's my point, brother. Listen to me. She came to me in the library, to work at my table.
- Yeah, right, she did. She hates your guts, and your friends killed her mum, of course, she wants to be around you, I laughed at him.
- Exactly my point. She was acting friendly, Sirius. I repeat, she isn't well. Something's wrong with her.
I frowned deeply at him. I was kind at a loss for words. I knew she wasn't at her best, but to be acting friendly with Regulus, of all people, someone who impersonated the people who broke her family, that was deeply wrong.
- See? Think, brother. She may be under a spell or potion, I think I may have a lead. Something I read years ago, I'll look into it, he said.
- And why on Merlin would you want to help us? I snorted.
- You're still my brother, even if I wish you weren't, he said, before he turned on his heels and went back to the castle.
Sirius
I opened the door of the GQ and let James and Lily enter before I followed them.
- So, what did you want to talk to us about? Lily asked.
- I just wanted to verify something with you, I began. My brother came to see me, earlier today.
- He did? Why? James asked, frowning deeply.
- I know, it's weird. And brace yourself, the weirder part is yet to come. He came to talk to me about Dorcas.
- What? What about her? Don't tell me he got information concerning Luvinia's murder? Lily said.
- No, no. He told me that... Dorcas was acting weird with him. She was friendly.
- There's no way, last time they spoke she shouted at him, Lily frowned.
- I know, that's why he came to the conclusion that she may be under a spell or something. She is very odd, since her mom's funeral, or is it just me who's divagating? I said.
- No, it's not just you. We're all concerned. Her roommates, I mean. She's... I don't know how to say... It's like she doesn't...
- Like she doesn't feel anything anymore? I said.
- True, that, it's like she's numb to everything happening around her, James agreed.
- Then again, isn't it normal, after her loss? I asked.
- I don't know, Lily sighed. It's not the first time I see her acting like this. She did the same thing the night that Mary's neighbours got attacked. It didn't last long, though. Now it's been what, a week?
- More than that, it's been nearly two weeks.
- And did Regulus had an idea about what it could be, if we accept the theory that she's cursed or something? James asked.
- He said he may have a lead, but I wouldn't count on him, I sternly said.
- I agree, we should research ourselves, Lily said.
James
- Crème brûlée, I said, wondering what kind of candy or dessert that could be.
Dumbledore was reputed to be fond of sweets and all the passwords to access his office were under that theme. I just got interrupted during my DADA's class by Professor McGonagall who asked me to go see the headmaster. The turning staircase got me up and in front of the door leading to Dumbledore's office. I wondered why he was summoning me. With all that was happening, I had less time for pranks, so there was no cause for a lecture from the headmaster. Even if, he never gave it his best. I was kind of suspecting him to be part of the Marauder's fanbase. I knocked and waited.
- You can come in, Mr. Potter, I heard him say behind the door.
I entered and walk toward him. He was caressing Fumseck, his Pheonix.
- You wanted to see me, Sir? I asked.
- Yes, come and sit, I need to talk to you, he said.
His face was pretty serious. It wasn't his usual self. Normally, he was smiling, saying philosophic things that I wasn't always getting...
- Is everything allright, Sir? I asked, while seating myself in a chair facing his desk.
- I fear not. I got a message from your mother, by Floo. Your dad just got admitted to St-Mungo's...
- He what? He's not feeling better? I asked, concerned.
- He got a diagnosis. It seems that he caught Dragon Pox while he was in Egypt...
- Dragon Pox? But... Is it... How bad is it? I gulped.
- It is bad... And... It's very contagious...
- Don't tell me that my mother...
- She caught it too, I'm afraid...
- Can I go see them? I asked.
- That's why I called you here. I'll arranged a Portkey for you. It will lead you in Mr. Thompson's office, he's head healer of the Magical virus' department. He'll guide you through all the procedures to keep yourself safe from the virus' propagation.
- I... I understand. Thank you, I sighed, feeling very tired all of a sudden.
Was I losing both my parents? What was going on? I knew they were old, that they wouldn't be around for years and years, but I thought that they would at least see me get married and get to know my kids and all... But I needed to be realistic. Dragon Pox was the deadliest magical virus there was... Healers were working actively to find a cure to it for decades now. It was like it was always mutating and it was driving the scientists crazy. And now my parents were suffering from it... Merlin, I was hoping that my parents would cheat the statistics and not make me an orphan within the next few weeks...
- I'm profoundly sorry, said Dumbledore with a sad expression to his face, making me doubt that I could have hope...
Dorcas
- My condolences, I said, shaking James' hand.
He looked down at me, his eyes rimmed with red. His hand that I was shaking pulled on mine and he hugged me. I didn't know how to react, taken by surprise.
- Thanks, Meadowes, he sniffed in my hair.
I took a step back as he was releasing me.
- Yeah, no problem, I said.
The condolences line wasn't long, since James and their parents were kind of alone, without any other close relatives. I went out of the living room, crowded with family's friends, and went to the kitchen to fill a glass of water. As I was turning to go out of the room, I saw that Sirius was holding a shaking with sobs Rosalyn. I tried to remember why I was supposed to not like her. I forgot.
Sirius
I was sitting on a windowsill watching the snow swirling outside, trying in vain to concentrate on my class' readings. Thing is, I read the last sentence for something like ten times before I just dropped the book and looked outside. What a shitty winter. Dorcas' loss. Dorcas' general I-don't-care-about-anything-anymore's new attitude. I just never saw her anymore. She'd been avoiding me for weeks. In fact, she'd been avoiding everyone. She found a new passion for studies and we weren't welcome in it. I didn't even know if we were together anymore. We searched for a clue or something in the library for a while, concerning what my brother told me, but it was in vain... And James... James who became an orphan within a few weeks. I was very sad for him. And also, very selfishly, I was very sad for myself. Fleamont and Euphemia have been more of parents for me for the last years that my parents has been for me my entire life. They literally made me a place in their family, making me feel like I finally belong in one. They became my family. The one I've chosen. Now they were gone...
- Brother? I heard.
I turned my head from the window to look at a member of my unchosen, but real family.
- I think I found it.
- What now?
- What is your girlfriend's problem, he said.
- Oh, do you now? I snidely commented.
- Listen, if you don't want my help, he began.
- I just don't understand why you would want to help, or even why you're talking to me. You made it clear years ago that you wanted nothing to do with me... I said, letting my foul mood getting the best of me.
- Well, you made it clear, when you abandoned me in this house, years ago, that you didn't give a damn about me either, he groaned.
- What the hell?
- You didn't need the little annoying brother anymore, did you? You found a new family, in Gryffindor, of all places. You ceased to be on my side, as soon as you left me. Well I learned to not need you anymore.
- Reg', I never wanted to...
- It's too late. If there was something between us, before, it's dead and buried for long ago, now. You could... You could at least had answered my letters... He said, his face turning into a grimace.
- I answered all of your cold and cordial letters, I frowned.
- Cordial and cold? Really? And you never answered, don't lie to me, he groaned.
Then it clicked in my mind and I laughed.
- Don't you see? As usual, mother controlled everything. She clearly intercepted our mail! I shouted.
- You always thought that she is like that, but you're wrong, he said, with something like doubt in his eyes.
- You'll never see her for what she is, a crazy manipulative bitch, I spat.
- Once again, I was a fool to think that we could have a civilised conversation, he said. Here, he added, giving me a piece of paper before he turned on his heels and left.
It was a parchment piece, with notes written in his perfect calligraphy.
Restricted Area of the library
Dark magic section
From the book Practical guide to dark arts spells
What? He got that in a Dark magic book? I was more and more worried. I continued to read, there was a title under the location notice.
Composure's spell
That spell can be used to temper completely all emotions to be focus for a task. It was first invented by Ulrich Benneth in 1891 He lost his wife and children in a fire who destructed multiple area of London. Benneth was a professional Quidditch player, and the team was running for the World cup when the tragedy occurred. He managed to create the spell to be able to focus on the sport. It came to the open when a journalist followed him and heard him talk about it to a teammate. The spell got forbidden from the sport not long after. Unfortunately, Benneth was under it for a year when he was forced to make the counter spell, or he would lose his place in the team. The pain that was toss away by the spell came all back at once and it was too much for him to endure. He got locked up in the hospital in the mental illness department for the rest of his days.
Well, nothing to get me to be less worried... I couldn't believe that Dorcas would use dark magic spells... I continued to read.
Though the spell is not recommended for a long-term use, obviously, it could be very practical to be focus while in combat or else. We recommend using it wisely.
The effects are the followings:
- Recurrent physical pain
- Fatigue
- Numbness
- The disappearance of all emotions, like pain, fear, love, anger, and all the others... To be replaced by cold focus.
There were drawings of the wand movements going with the spell, then the words of the spell: Volo ut nullo, and then the counterspell: Volo sentient. Could that really be it? Is there a chance that stupid spell could explain what was going on with Dorcas? I got up, put my book in my bag and ran upstairs to Gryffindor's tower.
