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When Jay woke up, he was immediately confused. He'd spent the last few nights on Will's couch, alone. This time, he was in his own apartment, on his own couch, and joined by two of his favorite people in the world – Piper and Erin.
Piper was asleep on his chest, holding Erin against her own fragile body. Erin had moved from gently resting against her sister to being fully stretched across both Jay and the little girl. Her arm was slung across Piper, and her face was resting against his stomach, soft breath rippling his t shirt with each exhale. Piper's thin arms were wrapped around Erin's back, but she kept one hand on Jay's knee, as if needing the additional reassurance that he was there. In lieu of a yawn, he managed a small inhale so to not wake either of his girls, both whom were still sleeping soundly.
His heart ached as the temporary nature of his current situation settled into his bones. It has been consistently echoing in the back of his head since the day he brought Piper home, but part of him, the part he didn't want to listen to, had hoped she'd get to stay forever. He was overwhelmed by how much he loved being a dad, and being a dad to Piper. Jay always knew he'd love his own kids, but nothing prepared him for how much he'd love someone who didn't share any part of him, but had captured his heart just the same.
Erin stirred slightly, though instead of waking, she nestled further against Piper. He smiled when Piper let out a content exhale, her features relaxed in sleep. It was a stark contrast to how anxious she'd been the day before.
While his girls slept, Jay absentmindedly ran a hand over Erin's arm, the warmth of her skin and the familiarity of her breath settling his racing thoughts. He had a lot that he wanted to make sure he and Erin did with Piper, starting with getting her in to see the therapist Dr. Kim had recommended. Dr. Andrea Murphy came highly regarded, and he and Erin were both on the same page that getting Piper to talk to a professional would be best for her, especially given the recent experience with Bunny.
He also needed to take Piper back to school shopping, and break the news about the new school she'd be attending. He wasn't anticipating that the school conversation would be an easy one, especially given his little friend's skepticism and past bad experience at school. He hadn't gotten Piper to fully open up about what happened at her last school. All he knew was that she didn't want to go back and had bad memories. He made a mental note to set up a meeting with her teacher to go over some of Piper's specific needs and discuss what they'd been working on over the summer, along with her current family situation. Jay sucked in a breath at the domesticity of it all – planning for school, the needs of a child. It simultaneously filled and broke his heart.
Erin's eyelids fluttered open as she lifted her head off his stomach. "Morning," Jay whispered, tenderly brushing loose tendrils of her hair off her forehead, "Sleep well?"
"Mm," she murmured, gently running her thumb across his hip, "I'm glad she's here. And that you're here, too."
Jay pressed a kiss atop Piper's head. He was glad they were both in his arms. "I thought about moving you guys to a bed, but you looked far too comfortable." He raised his eyebrows, "Though you can't have slept that well since there's not a river of drool on my shirt."
"I do not drool!" Erin exclaimed in a hiss, pulling back further from her partner. Her cheeks darkened when Jay chuckled slightly.
"You do when you sleep on your stomach," Jay teased, "It's cute. But you normally sleep on your back, Er."
"You're a doofus," she retorted, earning another chuckle from Jay, "I have half a mind to drool all over you, right here, right now."
"Maybe later, when your sister isn't in between us," he replied, eyes twinkling mischievously.
Erin grunted in response before returning her head to rest against Piper, who had yet to stir. "Mind out of the gutter, Halstead. She may be nine, but she's smart."
"Mm," he mused, lightly toying with the ends of Erin's hair that had splayed across Piper's lap. "I know she's probably still going to be exhausted this morning, but we should get some more food into her. And you too."
Erin let out a breath before nodding in agreement and carefully pulled back from her comfortable position against her little sister. Piper stirred slightly as Jay ran his fingers atop her head. "Hi Noodle," Erin greeted, brushing the hair off Piper's cheek, similarly to how Jay had done to her, "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"
Piper lazily opened her eyes and found Erin's. "I'm not dizzy," she mumbled tiredly, "And my head doesn't hurt so bad."
Jay leaned down and placed another kiss on Piper's head. "That's good that you're not so dizzy," he murmured, "How do you feel about some breakfast, hm? Maybe Erin's French toast? Then maybe we can give you a few aspirin to get rid of the headache?"
She gave a small smile to her sister, who was continuing to stroke her cheek that thankfully had some color. "I like Erin's French toast," she whispered, letting out a small yawn. "Thank you for lettin' me stay with you all night."
"Of course," Erin returned the smile, "How could I forget what a super comfy pillow you are?"
Piper's eyes sparkled. "So is Jay," she said shyly, "I felt safe goin' to sleep for the first time in a while."
Jay grinned at his partner. "Alrighty well Erin… I think I can trust you in the kitchen this time, but if any of the utensils get burned to a crisp, I'm taking over."
"I've been better," Erin argued playfully, "When Piper and I made French toast at my place, not a single spatula was destroyed."
He chuckled when Piper nodded to confirm her sister's story. "Okay, fine, you win. I'm super hungry, and I'm sure Piper is too, so I guess I'm willing to sacrifice a few of my kitchen tools. Better get cracking, Lindsay."
Erin rolled her eyes and pushed herself off the couch to begin the French toast while Jay continued to absentmindedly thread his fingers through Piper's hair. "Are you up for some orange juice? Or maybe some milk?" Jay paused, "Am I overwhelming you with all these questions?"
Piper shook her head and leaned further into Jay's shoulder. "I missed hearing you talk," she murmured, "I like listening to your voice."
Jay smiled and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Well I am going to talk your ear off then." His grin widened when Piper giggled. "So, orange juice?"
"Can I take a shower first? Before breakfast?" Piper asked tentatively, "I think I can stand now."
"Sure," Jay replied, glancing to his partner who had busied herself in the kitchen. He couldn't help but smile again at Erin's pursed lips as she concentrated on the recipe, determined not to burn his kitchen down. "And if you need help, I'm sure Erin could pop in."
Piper nodded and carefully got off the couch, holding tightly to the detective's hand. Jay watched intently as she took a few tentative steps. "I'm not so woozy," she said proudly, turning to him with a small smile, "I think I got it."
Jay beamed and let her hand go, grateful that his little friend was on the mend. "Holler if you need us, okay?"
"Her color is better," Erin said after cracking the eggs and adding the cinnamon, "She looked like a ghost yesterday."
Jay nodded in agreement and passed his partner the sugar. "Less clammy too. In the hospital she was so shaky, barely able to hold her head up."
Erin swallowed. "Will said Bunny didn't feed her. Probably for days."
He gave a grim nod and leaned against the counter. "Yeah. She said there was no food in the house, and that Bunny kept trying to give her coffee to keep her awake. Any progress we made on her iron levels were undone, and she definitely lost weight, so we're going to need to keep her hydrated and as full as we can. She was underweight to begin with, so Will's going to talk to Nat to see if we need to get Piper any additional supplements, like calcium or something."
"I can't believe her," Erin choked out, "Bunny. I mean, the worst part is, I can believe it. When I was nine, I was already stealing food from the store on the corner for me and Teddy because Bunny never had anything in the house."
He set his jaw, overwhelmed by just how little Bunny had changed in almost thirty years. "She told her that if she left, she'd be putting you and I at risk," Jay murmured, clenching the countertop between his fingers and thumb to avoid wanting to drive his fist through the wall. "Basically threatened that she'd get someone hurt us to keep Piper in the house."
"She hasn't even realized that Piper is gone," Erin replied, "It's been over twelve hours since Jenna picked her up. That means Bunny's been gone for days. Didn't think to check in, probably doesn't even remember that her own daughter was living with her."
"I know," he shook his head, "Piper wasn't really sure how long Bunny had been gone, and honestly, I'm not sure if we'll end up getting an answer. I'm hoping this is the last straw. I don't think Piper can take anymore."
"She's been through so much," she managed, "So much. She doesn't deserve this."
"Neither do you," Jay reminded her, "You've been through a lot too. And I know how hard this is for both of you, but she's safe now." He paused, "I um, I think it might be good if we get her in to see that therapist. Get her talking, so we can get her the support she needs."
Erin dropped the bread into the mixture. "I agree." She gave a small smile, "I um, I think it's been helping me a bit."
Jay smiled proudly. "That's awesome, Er. Really." He paused, "Do you want to bring it up with her?" Jay asked carefully, "If it's helping, it could be good, coming from you."
Erin managed a small nod and took a breath. "You think I can do it?"
"I know you can," he said, "She trusts you. Asked about you several times yesterday, too."
"I don't want to scare her," she said after submerging the slices of bread in the egg mixture, "And-"
"You don't want to scare me?" Piper interrupted, emerging fresh from the shower. Her hair was still wet as she looked up at Jay and Erin nervously, "What happened?"
Jay gave Erin an encouraging nod. "Nothing bad," Erin said quickly, "Really, I promise. We just wanted to talk to you about something that we think would be really good." She gave a smile as Piper continued to regard her nervously, "Sometimes, uh, when we go through a tough time, it can be really helpful to talk to someone who has helped other people through it. There are special doctors, called therapists, who are trained to help us figure out what's going on inside our heads, and can help make us feel better."
"I-I gotta go back to the doctor?" Piper stammered, looking nervously to Jay as he stood silently beside Erin, "I don't wanna go back."
"It's different type of doctor. It isn't at the hospital or anything, and it's usually an office, with a comfy couch, and they ask a few questions, and give you space to talk. Going to see a therapist is really common. It's um, something both Jay and I do," Erin hedged, "It can be really helpful to talk to someone about your feelings, and just have someone to listen."
Piper winkled her brow as she listened to what her sister had to say. "You-you don't want me to talk to you?" Piper stuttered, recoiling against the kitchen wall, "I-I gotta talk to someone else?"
"That's not it," Jay interjected quickly, "Of course we want you to talk to us, and we are always there to help you. But it can be really helpful to talk to someone outside of us too. I told you about Dr. Kim right? I talk to him every week, and he's a professional, and he helps me work through a lot of the stuff going on in my head, so it's no longer in my head, just kind of out in the open."
Tears clouded her eyes, and Erin felt her heart crack when she saw her sister's lip quivering. "It's okay, Noodle," she said, "I know it sounds like a big deal, but it's really not. Just like a meeting or like a conversation you would have with me or Jay."
Piper just shook her head, tears trickling down her cheeks. "We could go with you too," Jay offered, "We can sit next to you, or be right outside. But we think it's a really good idea to help you to feel better."
Erin cast a desperate look to her partner, who looked just as surprised as she felt. Neither of them expected Piper's extreme adverse reaction. They anticipated the skepticism and concern, but not tears. "We don't have to decide anything right now," Jay said finally, "Do you want to set the table for breakfast, Pipes?"
In an instant, Piper was sprinting across the apartment, headed for the apartment door. "Woah, woah," Jay exclaimed, quickly following the little girl as she attempted to undo the deadbolts with shaking hands, "Hold up there, kiddo."
Erin abandoned the slices of bread in the egg mixture and hurried after her partner. "Where are you going, Pipes?" Jay asked, carefully keeping the apartment door closed with one hand while Piper attempted to pull the door open, "You don't have any shoes on."
"Let me go," she sobbed, tugging forcefully at the door handle, "Let me go, let me go!"
"I can't do that," he said, shaking his head, "We're keeping you safe here, with us."
Piper let out an agonizing wail and continued to tug at the door, "I wanna go, let me go!"
Jay furrowed his brow and exchanged a look with Erin, who was standing a few feet back. "Piper, please stop, you're going to hurt yourself," Erin practically begged, "Just hang on for a second."
The little girl burst into a round of painful sobs at the realization that she wasn't going to be able to open the door. "I can't stay, I can't," she wept, backing against the hallway wall after Jay reached out a hand, "Let me go."
"We can't do that, sweetheart," Erin said, taking a step toward the front door, "We promised you, and Jenna, that we'd keep you safe, and we can't do that if you leave the apartment without us."
Piper gasped for air before a shrill shriek escaped her lips when Erin tried to touch her shoulder. "I can't, I can't," she cried, "Stop, stop, let me go!"
"Wait-" Erin attempted, but was cut off by another round of heartbreaking sobs. The little girl shrank back toward the living room and cowered against the couch, entire body trembling.
"We're not going to hurt you, I promise." Jay said softly, crouching down in front of the door, "You're safe with us, kiddo." He looked to his partner, who appeared just as overwhelmed as he felt.
"We can give you some space." Erin stood next to Jay as she watched her sister violently shake against the couch, "But we're not going anywhere."
Piper whimpered plaintively and turned her face into the side of the couch. Jay reached up and squeezed Erin's hand, as if to assure her that she was doing a good job, despite how frantic the little girl appeared.
"We're here," Erin said, doing her best to stay calm as she sat in front of the apartment door beside Jay. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as Piper unraveled in the living room, "We're here for you, Noodle. I know it's hard."
"Her prefrontal cortex isn't working," Jay murmured to his partner when she leaned against door heavily, "Kids that come from trauma, when they're faced with something that's triggering and can't self-regulate, sometimes they can enter kind of a fight or flight mode. I think that's what's happening right now."
Erin nodded grimly as Piper sobbed. "It's okay, sweetheart," she tried again, "I know you're sad, and scared, and feeling a lot of things, but Jay and I aren't leaving, and you aren't either. We're staying here, with you."
Piper let out a strangled wail and huddled further against the side of the couch, harsh pants of distress filling the living room. "You're safe," Jay said gently, "We're not going anywhere, like Erin said."
Jay let out a sigh as Erin rested a hand on his bent knee. Witnessing the child have an absolute meltdown was killing them both. "We love you, Noodle," Erin said when Piper's sobs seemed to lessen slightly, "We're here for you."
Erin and Jay sat silently while Piper wept. "Just gotta give her some time," Erin mumbled, "Maybe she'll cry it out."
He nodded in agreement and rested his hand atop hers. Erin scooted closer, counting her own breaths to keep her anxiety in check. Piper needed her to remain calm, despite the fact that she was feeling anything but.
Jay ran his fingers methodically over hers as the minutes ticked by, Piper's sobs slowly but surely dwindling as the little girl succumbed to the tire. "Do you want to come sit with us?" he offered, "We don't have to talk, we can just sit."
The little girl whimpered and let out a small hiccup. "We're not mad," Erin followed up, "We're just worried, because we care about you, and because we want you to be feeling better." She held out a hand, hoping that her little sister would accept the outreach.
Piper reluctantly removed her head from being pressed against the couch and looked nervously from Jay to Erin, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "You're safe," Jay repeated, "You're safe with us."
The child slowly inched closer, and Erin swore she could see her sister vibrating with fear, anxiety, sadness and everything in between. "C'mere," she coaxed, holding her arms open, "It's okay, Piper."
She let out a breath when Piper collapsed into her arms, thin shoulders quaking. "Shh," Erin cooed, rubbing Piper's back with one hand, "Let it out, sweetheart. We're not going anywhere."
"You're safe," Jay said again, intent on repeating it as many times as Piper needed to hear it to believe it, "We love you."
"I used to get real mad," Erin murmured as she stroked Piper's head against her shoulder. The sobs had reduced to small and intermittent shudders as Piper slowly calmed down, Erin's touch a reminder that she was safe, and that she was loved.
Jay raised his eyebrows and paused the motion of gently rubbing Piper's back. "Camille would ask me to start my homework or help with the chores or Justin would say something stupid and it would just set me off." She swallowed, "I remember I'd go up to my bedroom and just try to break everything I could. I threw shoes and books and I think I even broke a window one time."
Erin turned her head to meet Jay's gaze. "But she never yelled at me. Instead she'd just sit by the bedroom door, waiting for me to calm down, to cry it all out. And when I was ready, she would always open her arms for a hug, even when I knew I didn't deserve it." Her voice hitched. "She knew that I needed someone to be calm and show compassion. That I needed someone to listen."
Jay leaned his head closer to his partner's. "That's what you did for her just now," he whispered, "Brought her back to you."
"I miss Camille," Erin choked out, "I-I wish she was here." She wiped her eye with a shaky hand. "No matter how much I yelled or what I broke, she never lost it at me. Not once. She just held me and made me feel safe. Nobody ever did that for me before."
She sniffed, "I um, I was reading that book you got me. On trust based relational intervention. And there was a chapter in there on co-regulation, and I realized that's what Camille used to do for me. Brought me to her level of calm."
Jay smiled proudly. "She would be so proud of you right now," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple, "I know I am."
Jay glanced down at his watch. It had been almost two hours since they'd woken up on the couch, and he knew that they needed to get some food into Piper to keep her on the mend. "She's gotta eat," he whispered to Erin, who nodded in agreement.
"Hey, Noodle," Erin murmured, gently scratching Piper's scalp, "Are you up for something to eat?"
Piper sniffed. "I'm sorry," she croaked, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"Shh," she cooed, "We're just worried about you, sweetheart." Erin paused for another encouraging nod from her partner, "What happened that got you so upset?"
The little girl trembled slightly at her sister's question. "We want to understand, so we can help," Jay said carefully. He was continuing to run his thumb over Erin's knee, silently letting her know that he was there for back up.
Piper took a small breath. "I always gotta leave after I talk to someone," she whimpered, "Every time, they take me away after I talk. And I don't wanna get taken away."
Suddenly, everything clicked. It wasn't the prospect of talking to a therapist, but the anxiety that following the conversation, the little girl would be removed from their care. Jay squeezed Erin's knee gently. "This is different," Erin promised, "I swear, we are doing everything in our power to keep you safe, and that means staying with us, but also getting you as much support as we can." She leaned down to kiss the top of Piper's head, still damp from her shower earlier that morning. "I know it's hard, but I want you to know that you can trust me, and Jay, and that we wouldn't do anything to hurt you intentionally, okay?"
"I want to trust," Piper whispered tearfully, "But it's hard."
"I know," Erin swallowed the lump in her throat, "I get that, I really do, Noodle. It's so hard, especially when you've trusted people before, and they let you down."
Piper nodded and shakily exhaled. "I-I know I can trust you and Jay. I'm really sorry." Her small voice hitched, "I didn't mean to make you guys mad. I'm sorry for being bad."
Erin shook her head, "We're not mad," she assured her, "We just want to help. And we know you've been through a lot, and it can be really difficult to have all these feelings inside. That's why we thought it might be good for you to talk to someone, but you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."
"You would be there? Right outside?" Piper asked, "And you guys would still take me home?"
"That's right," she replied, "No matter what happens, we're going to be there for you. Me and Jay both."
"Hey, Sarge," Jay answered tiredly. He flashed a smile to Piper and Erin, who were eating the French toast Erin prepared. Piper's tears had dried, and his little friend was doing much better.
"Irving's out on bail," Hank reported by way of greeting, "Got off on a technicality."
"Fucking hell," he said in an exhale, turning away from his girls so they couldn't see his frustration, "How?"
"I don't know, kid, I really don't," Hank replied, "The only upside is that we're tracking his phone, and now the team's got a lead on the mystery man that everyone rolls up to. Irving had contact with the same number that Hoffman, the guy the 14th picked up, and the Marsh's. Working to get Hoffman to roll on the judge, and get a location on the mystery man."
Jay let out a breath. Things were finally moving, but he was incredibly wary of the fact that the man who had threatened Erin was out on bail. "Keep Piper away from the district today," Hank continued, "Jennifer Adler's coming in with some piece of evidence she neglected to mention before. I need you to stay home, and keep an eye on both of them. We're keeping patrol on your building as a precaution."
He glanced out the window and caught sight of the patrol car on his block. "Any update on the judge?" He asked hopefully, keeping his voice low to avoid spooking both Erin and Piper.
"Slow moving," Hank replied, "Waiting on a warrant for her records, but we're confident, Jay. Just gotta sit tight for a bit. How's the kid holding up?"
"As well as can be expected," Jay sighed, "A bit of a rough morning, but she's eating now, which is a good sign. My brother's going to stop by to check on her again, and we're just trying to get her trust back."
"Might take some time," the older man advised gently, "But you guys will get there."
"Thanks Sarge." Jay rubbed his cheek, "Just uh, keep me updated? We'll just be here, laying low."
Erin wrinkled her brow when Jay turned around. She could tell by his posture while on the phone that something wasn't right, and the look on his face confirmed it.
"A-are they coming to take me away again?"
Apparently Piper could also tell something was up.
"No, no," Jay said quickly, "You're staying here. That was uh, Sergeant Voight. Just a few updates on the case, no big deal." He forced a smile, but neither of his girls returned it.
Piper looked from Erin to Jay, trying to figure out what the adults were saying without actually saying anything. She learned quickly that her sister and Jay could practically have a full conversation just with their eyes, and without even speaking. "Are we in danger?"
"We're not in danger," he assured her, taking a seat beside Piper at the table, "We're totally safe here, and there's a patrol car outside, just in case, but I promise that you're safe, kiddo."
Piper appeared skeptical as she glanced back to Erin, and then to Jay. "How come you look so worried?"
Erin issued a pointed stare when Jay looked over to her. Neither of the ladies in his life were going to let him skirt around the truth. "Everything's alright," he started, "The team is working on a warrant and should be closing in on the person who is in charge."
"That's the good news. What's the bad news?" Piper pressed, appearing even more anxious as her tiny hands gripped the seat of the chair, "I-I can always tell when you got bad news, Jay."
Jay blew out a breath, wishing that he had a better poker face. "The not great news is that Irving is out on bail. The team is tracking him, and he's not going to get close to here, but to be safe, we're just going to lay low for a bit." He reached a hand out to stroke Piper's cheek, who's face had dropped. "You're safe here, I wouldn't say that if I didn't believe it, Pipes."
"I'm not worried about me," she whispered, "He hurt Erin." She looked over at her sister, "I-I don't want that to happen again."
"It won't," Jay promised. He placed his hand on the table to take Erin's hand, "She's safe here, with you and me."
Do do do something big to come...
