tough times ahead. I was worried about the flow of things. I hope you think it came out okay.
Jane entered Maura's office, not bothering to knock, Maura stopped what she was doing and looked at her wife, "Jane I told you I had work to do... this better be important."
She frowned, "Of course it's important, I understand to give you space when you need it but Ma is getting transferred to the hospital and she'll probably have to have an emergency c-section. I know there's nothing we can do right now but offer our support, you can put off work for my mother, can't you?"
"Yes I can, you know I love your mother as if she was my own. Let me just save this and we can go. I'll drive," Maura replied, before shutting off her computer and grabbing her things.
The drive to the hospital was spent in silence, Jane didn't like when Maura gave her the silent treatment. She glanced over to her seeing the grip she had on the steering wheel. "You know your knuckles are going white with that grip you got there, you're going to end up developing um... what's it called, carpettunnel?"
"It's pronounced carpal tunnel Jane," Maura sighed. "Can I focus on my driving?"
"You know for a person who said no hard feelings you seem to be having a sour attitude towards me. If anyone should be upset it's me, you said I wasn't taking things seriously. I'm the one who wants to get pregnant Maura, so yes I'm taking it seriously, I'm the one who gets upset everytime I take those damn ovulation tests and it tells me I'm not ready. You don't understand the stress I've been under, switching jobs, trying to get pregnant, and now we're in this argument..." Jane sighed in frustration. "And my mother ending up in the hospital... just tops the fuckin' cake."
Maura frowned, listening to Jane speak her concerns, "I didn't realize you were under so much stress Jane, you know sometimes you're really good at hiding things. I'm sorry I made you upset and frustrated. I'm probably not making this any easier on you. I may have overreacted a little, you do call me smarty pants in a good way sometimes, I just I get frustrated too you know."
"I never said that you didn't get frustrated Maura," Jane paused. "Let's just focus on Ma for now, this conversation seems to be going nowhere."
"I don't think it's going nowhere, but maybe it is a lost cause to be thinking about us right now. We can put our personal differences aside for now," Maura frowned, parking in the hospital's parking lot.
They headed inside and shortly arrived to the waiting room where Jane's brothers were sitting. "Where's Frost and the twins at?" Jane asked, sitting down next to Frankie, Maura deciding to sit on the other side next to Tommy.
"Frost noticed that they were hungry so he wanted to spend some time with them. The twins really like him," Tommy spoke. "So the doctors said Ma's blood pressure was high again so they are monitoring that amongst other things. You sure you want to have kids Jane? It doesn't seem very fun."
"Ma is older in age and she shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. You should plan for these things and not have it be a surprise. You'd think Ma and Korsak would have talked about this whole thing before starting to... have unprotected intercourse," Jane leaned back in her chair. "Nothing better happen to Ma, because I swear if she doesn't make it through this..."
"Can we please try not to think about the worst case scenario please," Frankie frowned at his sister. "Ma already started planning for Korsak and Julian to live with me like she knows what's going to happen to her. I rather not think about it," Frankie stood up. "I'm going to check on Ma, see how she's doing," he walked away and into Angela's room.
"So, how are you holding up Tommy?" Jane asked, hoping that he was doing better than Frankie had been over the past couple of days.
"I'm nervous and scared for Ma. Trying not to think about losing her. What are any of us going to do without Ma? Will any of us be handling it well? I don't want to think of the worst case scenario, I know how we are... we won't handle it well. At least we all have a shoulder to lean on when things get rough, well you and I do Jane. Frankie well I have no idea where his head is at right now. I don't even think he handled Pop's death at all," Tommy slumped his shoulders, looking over at Maura. "You're really quiet Maura, I almost forgot you were here."
"It's okay Tommy, you are all going through some things right now. But like you said you and Jane have a shoulder to lean on when dealing with all of this. I'm uncertain of what is going through Frankie's head right now, but I do hope he stays safe. I wish for all three of you to remain safe and level headed with either scenario."
Tommy shook her head, "I don't think any of us Rizzolis will be level headed about the bad outcome. You do realize who you have this hope for, right?"
"But it doesn't mean I can't hope for the best," Maura shrugged. "I will be here for any one of you though, no matter what the outcome. I'm here for you guys," she nodded.
"Well it means a lot to me, you being here," Tommy smiled, patting her leg. "I'm going to see if Frost and the twins need some company. Did you guys want anything to eat?"
"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Jane looked at her brother.
"I'll come with you I can't decide what I'd rather eat," Maura got up from the chair and walked away with Tommy. Jane huffed when she was alone.
Moments later Korsak came out of the room and went to sit down next to Jane, placing his hand on her knee. "Hey Jane, Frankie told me you made it. Angela is much more stable than earlier. I didn't know what to do, you know I feel so helpless sometimes, you know the feeling?"
"Yeah I know the feeling all too well. Feeling helpless that the whole world around you seems to be falling apart and you feel like you can't catch your breath. I've been feeling helpless for days now, you know Maura hardly noticed. You'd think she know me enough by now to know when something is wrong."
"Have you spoken to her about these things? Maybe you're better at hiding things than you think," Korsak suggested.
"I spoke to her today about the issues I've been having, the stress I've been under. I shouldn't have hold it in until we were in an argument," she stopped when she noticed the inquisitive look on Korsak's face. "It was a stupid argument and no I don't want to talk about it. Honestly Korsak, I don't even want to be talking to you about any of this. You're the main reason Ma is in here, that she's struggling to have a successful pregnancy. I knew this was going to happen," Jane got up. "Maybe you should keep your distance from me while Ma is still in here. You know she's almost been in the hospital more times than me since you and her became involved," she shoved her hands in her pockets.
"I know you're hurting Jane, but we have to stick together during this. We shouldn't be at odds."
"We shouldn't even be having this conversation Korsak. Ma shouldn't have to be in here dealing with this shit. You guys should have been more careful. I'm done talking to you about this. I'm going to go check on Ma," Jane scowled before heading into Angela's room.
Frankie turned to his sister, Jane could feel the tension in the room. "Can you please tell Ma that she's going to be okay? That talking so negative can only make matters worse," he stood up from his chair. "Just let me know if anything happens, I can't be here right now, plus I have a very important case I need to work on and other things I need to deal with." He kissed the top of Angela's head. "Please no more negative thoughts."
"I'll try my best Frankie. I can't necessarily control my thoughts though," Angela sighed.
"I know, just try please?" Frankie gave her one last glance before turning to Jane. "Remember if anything happens, call me."
"Of course, I'll let you know, but let's hope for only good things right?" she went to go sit down by her mother's beside after Frankie left and closed the door behind him.
"I didn't want to worry your brother, but he had to know the plans," Angela sat up, resting her hands on her baby bump. "The doctors say I'm doing better than before, but they usually say that to make their patients still have hope. I've been watching a lot of medical TV shows lately."
"You know Maura would disapprove of you watching those shows. She'd give you this whole lecture about the differences in real life. Like remember when you were watching the CSI shows and tried to be involved in my cases just of things you read in the paper or seen on the news, and how irritated I got."
Angela nodded and smiled, "Those were the good days, that's for sure. I'm going to miss you Jane, no matter how irritating I can be you never abandoned me," she reached over to grab Jane's hand, tears in her eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye to you Janie. I'm not ready to meet my fate. I'm not ready to pass on..."
"Ma, please don't talk like this... Frankie told me I need to not think about the worst case scenarios. You can do that as well right? Try not to think about saying goodbye. Try not to think about... meeting your fate as you put it. You have to get through this, you have to see Julian grow up, you have to help me when I have a baby and am freaking out about the whole mothering thing, you can't abandon me Ma. This can't be your time it just can't..." Jane cried. "I'm going to need you Ma..." she squeezed Angela's hand. "I'm always going to need you. In fact I'm not leaving your side while you're in here, you understand? Others can come in and visit but my ass will stay right here until you get out of this. You're going to make it Ma, you just have to and I'll be here the whole time, I promise. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."
"Janie, don't you have your sperm appointment thing scheduled for today?" Angela asked and Jane nodded.
"I'll just reschedule, it's no big deal. I want to focus my attention on you and help you get through this. Nothing else matters right now, just you and Julian," Jane reassured her mother. "I'm here for you Ma."
"You don't know how much that means to me Jane. You're the best daughter I could ever hoped for, always looking out for your loved ones. You're going to be a great mother one day, there's not a single doubt in my mind about it," Angela smiled, "I'll try to be strong, just like you, you've always been so strong. I learned quite a bit from you Jane, if I'm being honest, I'm so proud of you and everything you've become. I think I'm going to rest my eyes for a bit now. Thanks for being here, you're so sweet to your old mother," Angela yawned, loosening her grip on Jane's hand.
"Get some rest Ma, I'll be right here, just as I promised," Jane whispered, leaning back in her chair. There was a light tapping on the closed door. "Come in," Jane spoke softly, turning to see Maura enter the room.
"How is she holding up?"
"She's just getting some rest now, it's good though she was worrying herself too much," Jane sighed turning back to her resting mother.
"I brought you some tea from the cafeteria, if you wanted it. It'll calm your nerves and everything," Maura handed her wife the paper cup, "Can I sit with you?"
"Yeah, if you'd like," Jane took a sip of her drink. "Thanks for this."
"Of course Jane," she smiled warmly, pulling up a chair to sit down next to Jane. "I went ahead to reschedule our appointment for a later date, I hope it's okay me doing so, I figured with your mother here you'd not want to leave her."
Jane nodded, "I was just discussing with Ma about that. I'm too stressed to want to do anything else but sit here with Ma. I'm sorry about things that happened today. I shouldn't have gotten upset about the little things. You just want what's the best for our future baby and I should have realized how important this was to you, that it's not just about me. We're supposed to be a team and I shouldn't been so negative of you wanting to help."
"I'm sorry for saying that you weren't taking things seriously, I know how much having a baby means to you. And I'm sorry for telling you there were no hard feelings and then acting like a bitch. Can you forgive me?" Maura asked with a frown and Jane nodded, leaning over to kiss her wife.
"I don't like us being upset with each other Maura. I'm glad we talked it out, now the only thing we need to worry about is Ma, you'll stay here with us, right?"
"I'm not going anywhere Jane," she leaned against Jane's shoulder, snuggling up to her. "She's going to be okay Jane, you get that strength from her you know. And you're always okay in the end."
Jane nodded, kissing the top of Maura's head, "I hope that she's going to be okay. She's afraid I can tell. When she afraid it honestly scares the hell out of me."
"It scares me too Jane, believe me the thought of not having Angela around breaks my heart. I fear it everytime she ends up back here. It's honestly the only time I pray. I don't believe in that stuff but I know it's important to Angela, so I always pray about nothing but the best for your mother. The best for all of us."
"I'm sure her and God both appreciate you making an effort. I know I appreciate all you've done for Ma, she definitely would have struggled with the divorce from Frank if you didn't take her in. And I mean it even made my relationship with my mother stronger. You're a great woman Maura and I'm so glad that we get the chance to live our lives together," she put down her tea and held Maura's hand. "You'll always be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I hope that Frankie finds it one day, that he'll stick with someone and that he can finally be happy. That he can be happy too."
"I'm sure it'll happen one day for him. I mean look at how Tommy turned out," Maura smiled.
"It still surprises the hell out of me how mature Tommy has gotten over the past year. Frost really did save him, in a way I think they saved each other. Just like how you saved me."
"And I'll save you anytime you feel like you're drowning. Figurative drowning of course, since your fears rest in actual water, I do have the training to save you from drowning in actual water if that were to ever happen in any sort of situation. You understand what I'm saying, right?"
"Yes Maura, I understand what you're getting at. I'll always save you too, even if I have to save you from literal drowning," Jane patted Maura's leg. "My fear of losing you is much stronger than my fear of being on the water. Whatever happens here I know I have you."
The evening had approached hours later, Frost and Tommy went home with the twins as Jane, Maura and Korsak stayed at the hospital with Angela. Frankie had just closed his case for the day, he wanted to go back to the hospital but he had something on his mind plus just sitting at the hospital would make him depressed. He had two drinks in him as he went to Crowe's apartment, Frankie had been thinking about him all day and he didn't want to be alone or at the hospital so here he was, standing in front of Crowe's door, staring at it for a couple of minutes. He was about to knock when the door opened.
"I thought I heard you out here, for a moment I thought I was imagining things," Crowe looked up and down at Frankie. "You look like hell. Wanna come in?" he tugged Frankie inside before he could answer.
"Did you let a pig loose in your apartment or something?" Frankie looked around.
"So what brings you to my place?" Crowe asked. "Did you want a beer?"
"How much beer have you been drinking? Is this what you've been doing with your time off? Not very productive if you ask me," Frankie sat down on Crowe's couch.
"Are either of us planning to answer the other's questions?" he sat down next to him.
"Ma's in the hospital, she was talking like she didn't plan to be alive much longer. She was stressing herself out worrying about it. I think Jane calmed her down, but I couldn't just sit there. I feel bad for leaving but what else was I supposed to do? So I came here after work," Frankie explained as Crowe rested his hand on Frankie's knee in comfort. Frankie scooted away from Crowe, "Please keep your hands to yourself? And yes I'll take a beer, if you answer my questions. Have you been drinking on all your days off? And how many have you had tonight? And most importantly, why?"
"I think you know the answer to that last question, but yes I've had a few drinks each night since I took off of work. And tonight I've had about five, six since you're joining me and it's such a shame to be drinking alone, right?"
Frankie nodded, watching as Crowe got off of the couch and went to grab two beers. He came back to Frankie tugging at his tie, feeling anxious. He looked down at the beer in his hand as he rejoined Frankie on the couch and sighed, glancing over at Frankie who was just looking at his own, making no moves to drink his. "Crowe... I mean Darren I sort of... I have a confession to make..." he tightened his grip around the beer bottle's neck, pausing for a moment, deciding to be honest with Crowe, honest with himself. "I miss you," he sighed. "I miss the way you made me feel, I look at your desk everyday and it hurts seeing you not there, knowing I'm the cause for your pain... I made a mistake in letting you go, I thought it was for the best but it was tearing me apart," Frankie ran a hand through his hair. "It continues to tear me apart, but being here with you, now my heart is racing, my palms are sweating, I'm actually nervous. I know I ended things but... I just, I guess I needed time to figure things out. If I didn't love you being apart would be easy. I wouldn't be this miserable without you, I'm still confused on my feelings but all I know is that I want this. I want us to be together again. It's silly to say but life doesn't make much sense without you in it. I need you in my life and it scares the hell out of me. Can you be mine?" Frankie looked into the man's eyes and he nodded.
"Of course I can be yours Frankie, that's what I want to be yours and only yours. I'm in this for the long haul, I never want to hurt you."
"I never want to hurt you either," he lifted his hand resting it against Crowe's, leaning over to brush his lips against Crowe's. "You don't know how much I've missed you. Even though you taste like beer."
"Well so do you. We should celebrate, celebrate us reuniting," Crowe handed Frankie his beer again. They both chugged down their beers. "I am sorry hearing about your mother, Angela is pretty strong and I know she can handle anything life throws at her. Are you worried about her?" Crowe asked in concern.
"I'm fuckin terrified Darren, especially when she talks like her time is up. I'm so scared and I hate feeling this way, I don't want to feel this way. I need a distraction Darren. Can I have a distraction?"
"You can have absolutely anything you want Frankie," Crowe rested his hand on Frankie's leg as he kissed him. Frankie sighed as he gently slid his hand up higher. "Is this okay?" he asked and Frankie nodded.
"It's more than okay. I'm all yours," he kissed him hard. Frankie for the first time in days, felt calm, he felt like he was exactly where he needed to be.
Jane woke up in the hospital to hearing her mother continuously whisper her name, she groggily opened her eyes.
"Jane... you're up..." Angela sat up in the bed, smiling at how Maura was snuggled up against her daughter even though she didn't look like she was sleeping peacefully.
"Yeah I'm up Ma, are you doing okay?" Jane looked at her watch and it was 4 in the morning. "Why are you up?"
"I know it's dumb of me to ask you for comfort, but I had a bad dream and I'm not doing okay."
Jane sat up straight and reached out for her mother's hand. "I'm here Ma, wanna talk about it?"
"It's only going to upset you... upset me talking about it... just stay up with me please?"
"Of course Ma, I'll stay up with you. I do have to leave your side just for a moment. I should probably empty my bladder. I'll only be gone for a few seconds, then I'm here for you," Jane reassured her before getting up to use the bathroom.
Angela frowned watching Jane leave, she knew she'd be back then she'd tell her daughter how she's really feeling. She rested her hands on her belly sighing. "Julian... I might be having you today... please go easy on me and you're going to have to look after my kids and Korsak. My dream seemed more real this time. If I don't make it..." she paused when she seen Maura shuffle in her chair, sighing when she realized Jane wasn't sitting right next to her.
"Angela, did you say something?" Maura wiped at her tired eyes, observing the room, Korsak was asleep on the other hospital bed.
"No, just talking to Julian is all," Angela replied, smiling when Jane came back from the bathroom. "Jane, Maura's awake."
Jane nodded at her mother, "Yeah I can see that," she sat down next to her wife, kissing her cheek. "Hope that we didn't wake you."
"I woke up when my side started to feel cold without you next to me. I do tend to like mornings more than you. I think I'm going to get some coffee, did you want more tea Jane," Maura asked getting up from her chair, slipping on her shoes.
"No I'm alright, thanks though. Just hurry back okay?"
"I will," Maura smiled, before leaving the room, Jane focusing her attention back on her mother.
"Ma, are you alright?" she asked noticing the change in her face, it seemed worried. "Ma, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, just having a little chest pain is all, it's been on and off for the past hour."
"And you're just telling me this now?"
"I didn't want to worry you as soon as you woke up you don't handle bad news in the morning well," she shrugged, "I'm sorry."
Jane sighed, "I'll go get the doctor Ma, he can see what's going on. I'll be right back," she got up to leave the room.
Angela sighed at the silence, leaning back against the bed, glancing over at Vince who sat up as he woke up. The chest pain this time was stronger than the others. "Vince..." Angela groaned out.
Korsak rushed out of the bed and next to Angela's side, holding onto her hand. "Hey Ang, what, what's wrong?"
"My chest hurts," she admitted, just as the doctor came in with Jane.
"Mrs. Korsak, your daughter tells me you have been experiencing discomfort in your chest," the doctor looked at Angela. "We'll do an EKG to see how things are. Would you two mind waiting outside?" he directed to Jane and Korsak.
"I don't want to leave her side..." Jane told the man.
"Jane listen to the doctor, I'll be okay," Angela tried to reassure her daughter.
"You're going to be okay Ma, right?" Jane asked and Angela nodded.
"I promise I'm going to be fine."
Jane nodded, leaving the room, not bothering to look at Korsak. Maura was coming back with her coffee, "It's everything okay?" she asked in concern seeing them exit the room.
"Doctor thought it was best for us to wait outside," Jane frowned, sitting down in the chair. "She has been having chest pains for over an hour, she told me once you left," she got back up, "I'm going to call my brothers, I promised them updates," she went to walk away pulling out her cell phone to call her brothers. Neither answered their phones so she left them both voicemails, explaining what was going on, letting them know they should both probably come to the hospital. Jane came back to Maura, "Well nobody seems to be awake at this hour. I left voicemails," she sat back down, but she bolted upwards as she heard an announcement from her mother's doctor of a code blue. "Keep calling my brothers until they answer the phone Maura," Jane rushed back to her mother's room, but was cut off by the hospital staff who quickly arrived.
"You can't come in here, it's protocol," one of the nurses told Jane, Jane knew what the protocol was, but this was her mother in there, her mother and her baby brother's lives were both at risk. "I'm sorry Detective."
Jane felt defeated that there was nothing she could do and that filled her with anger. She didn't appreciate when Korsak rested his hand on her arm. "She's going to be okay Jane, she has to be okay..."
"No! You do not get to comfort me, you do not get to tell me that false hope shit. You're the reason she's here, you're the reason she's fighting for her life right now. This is your fault and I told you I don't want you anywhere near me..." Jane shouted.
"Jane I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry your mother is going through this, I'm scared too. You think I wanted for this to happen, I never wanted to hurt your mother, it wasn't my intention."
"I don't want your apologies, I just want my mother to make it out of here alive."
"Jane if there was anything I could do to help you know I would right?" Korsak spoke softly wanting to try and calm her down, but it didn't work.
"You want to help Korsak, you really want to help huh?" she scolded, shoving him against the wall. "Stay the fuck away from me, you understand me. I don't want you anywhere near me because I swear to God, you're going to regret it, I'll make you regret it," she threatened, pressing him harder against the wall by the shoulders. "I swear you'll regret it," she gritted her teeth, tears forming in her eyes. She felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Jane, hey... let him go okay? You don't want to harm him." Maura spoke softly not to startle her wife.
Jane gave Korsak one last shove before turning to Maura, "Yes I do want to harm him. It's that bastard's fault she's in here. I want him to feel the pain I feel. I want him to suffer like my mother is suffering," she cried, letting Maura pull her into a hug. "I can't lose my mother Maura... I just can't..."
"I know Jane, I can't lose her either... she's so strong she has to make it through this..." Maura hugged her wife tighter. "She has to make it through this," she repeated not only to comfort her wife but trying to believe it herself.
Seconds later the doctor came out of the room, he looked calm, but didn't most doctors have to put on a brave face no matter the results and that's what worried Jane until the man spoke. "We were able to resuscitate Angela," he told the three of them. "She's in a state of comatose, and my best staff are performing a c-section to safely get the baby out. Your mother is a strong woman Detective and the baby went through quite a little strain, but I believe he's going to be alright."
"His name is Julian Doc," Jane told him and he nodded.
"Of course," he rested his hand on her shoulder. "I think everything is going to be okay for the both of them. Don't lose hope, it's going to be okay," he reassured them before going back into the room.
Jane looked at Maura, her face softened a little bit, "She's still alive, thank God Maura," she pulled her into a hug. "She's alive... Can we go sit down?"
Maura nodded, grabbing her wife's hand leading her to the chairs for them to sit down. "I honestly almost lost all hope there for a moment. She's going to recover, they didn't take long to resuscitate her so she should only be in a state of comatose for a couple of days. Are you still mad at Korsak?"
"I rather not discuss him right now, if you don't mind. Did you get in touch with my brothers?"
"No, neither would answer, Frost didn't either. I sent them a group text letting them know. In fact I should probably text them about the update," she pulled out her phone and sent them a short text. Maura glanced over at Korsak in the distance who looked absolutely defeated. She didn't want to upset Jane by going to talk to him, she'd much rather not get into a fight with her wife over it. They'd be okay eventually, or at least that's what Maura would hope anyways. But she knew how Jane could hold a grudge and that worried her. It worried her a lot. Her focus was on her wife though, her wife's state of mind and Angela's recovery. Everything was going to be okay, it just had to be for the sake of everyone.
So I hope you liked this chapter, Maura and Jane stopped fighting, Frankie made improvements in his relationship with Crowe, but Jane's friendship with Korsak seems to be shattered. Angela is going to be okay and so is baby Julian. I loved writing Jane's scenes with her mother so caring about her well being. I love protective Jane, don't you?
