I do not own The Outsiders. All characters used from the book are borrowed with much respect to S.E. Hinton.
The 3 a.m cries for help are something I'm used to now, and it's a little heartbreaking that I'm no longer alarmed when they wake me. When they first started, I'd feel my heart pounding all the way to my fingertips, with my stomach half way to my throat while my legs trembled with nervous energy as they took me to the room down the hall. Now, I'm well versed on the demons that haunt my brother in the night, and I feel steady as I roll over to kiss Beth before getting out of bed to make the familiar walk to that room.
Tonight it's Soda fighting the demons that followed him home from war. It's been a battle with a lot of ups and downs, and tonight is no exception as he clings to Ponyboy as though his life depends on it—and maybe it does. Ponyboy has been a rock since Soda came home, and it never ceases to amaze me how strong this fragile being really is when all is said and done. His body may have been riddled with the lasting results of Martin Campbell's work, but his spirit was never stronger.
He thrives now that Soda is near. It doesn't matter that Soda's changed physically, emotionally, and psychologically—with Ponyboy the dynamic is the same, and again the word soulmate echoes in my head. These two mean the world to me, and everything in my life has become so much clearer now that I have them both home. How we managed to survive being split up is a mystery to me, but we did it and it makes being reunited that much more meaningful.
"He have another nightmare, little buddy?"
I watched Ponyboy as he cradled Soda's head to his chest with one hand, while his crooked hand gently ran through Soda's hair all the while whispering encouragement.
"He was callin' for Steve," Ponyboy's eyes looked sad as he squeezed Sodapop tighter and kissed his hair.
Soda's breath hiccuped while his body shook, and I edged myself inside the room from the barrier of the doorway; making my way over to the bed so that I could squeeze in behind him.
"'M sorry," Soda's voice muffled against Pony's shoulder, and I found my arms wrapping around him before I could stop them.
"Ya got nothin' to be sorry for, so hush up." I mumbled groggily as I relaxed my shoulders, ready to hunker down with my brothers for the remainder of the night.
"Don'tcha work tomorrow, Darry? I'm sorry for callin', I was scared at first is all."
Ponyboy apologizes again for waking me up, but again I wave him off. It's second nature to me now. The three of us are practically codependent, and I haven't figured out if it's a bad thing or not. I haven't figured out if I even care. We're together again and it's the only thing that's important.
"Mmhmm," I shifted to get a little more comfortable. "You had it covered good Pony, s'ok. Beth'll get me up in the mornin' for work. 'Sides, Sodapop makes a pretty good pillow."
I heard Soda huff out a laugh before sniffing, and that was enough for me to feel like I'd done my job as the big brother.
"Ain't you tired of always coming' to the rescue? You should be busy makin' Ponyboy 'n me uncles." Soda sniffed again as he rubbed his face into his brother's shoulder.
"Pony's already an uncle," I mumbled as I shoved my own face into Soda's neck. "And I got you two babies."
"Hey!" Ponyboy was offended, but I just chuckled.
"Darry…" Soda started again, but I just squeezed him tighter.
The truth was, Beth and I hadn't necessarily tried for a baby, but we hadn't been careful either. We'd been together for a long while, and I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that maybe children weren't going to be apart of our future. Looking back on all the mistakes I'd made with Ponyboy, I figured that maybe it was for the best.
"Quit yer gabbing' and get some sleep, you two. G'night."
"G'night, Darry." Soda mumbled; his face still pressed into his brother. "I love you."
"I know, little buddy. I Love you too. Love you, Pony."
"Me too you, Darry. Love you, Soda."
"G'night kiddo, thanks for savin' me. Love you."
"S'ok. I love you, but Soda?"
"Yeah, honey?"
"Can you brush your teeth next time? You smell kinda gross."
Soda's body shook, but this time it was from laughter.
It was eleven when I rolled over and peered at the clock on the bedside table. The sun was filtering through the curtains; practically blinding me unlike a few hours previous when I'd gotten up to drive Beth to work for her day shift at the hospital.
I'd meant to sit in the chair and read the paper with a cup of coffee when I got home from the quick drop-off, but I'd made the mistake of sitting down on my bed to put some socks on and laid back down and the rest was history.
Aside from a few aches and pains here and there, I felt I'd recovered well from the accident that almost took me out of the game permanently. As the day wore on was when I noticed my muscles feeling tight and fatigued, and my left leg would give me a pang to remind me what my hastiness and stupidity put it through. I also noticed that I slept longer than I did before the accident. Both Greg and Beth told me it was due to the trauma, and the fact that I'd spent my adult life up until then running around trying to put out the fires that life was throwing at me meant I deserved the rest.
It wasn't in my nature, and it took a bit of lecturing from my wife for me to finally see that I needed to slow down. It didn't mean that Superman was dead, it just meant that alongside a wife and two brothers with physical needs, I needed to look after myself as well.
I heard birds chirping outside from the window along with the general racket coming from the kitchen. I grumbled, wondering what sort of disaster my two brothers were going to make while they worked as a team; now relying on each other to complete day-to-day tasks.
I yawned, scratching an itchy bump that landed itself on my right chest as I shuffled my socked feet towards the kitchen. I stood at the opening, and sure enough there they were together working on brunch.
I grinned as Pony stood to Soda's left; acting as the arm that was taken from him. Soda was his usual self; always finding ways to make contact and make his little brother feel normal—to feel important. It was a gift of his—he had it down to an art. He could do anything and not have Ponyboy feel as though he were inept or not good enough. Every move intentional, with the soul purpose of making Pony feel needed and feel important.
"What if we hold it this way?" Soda took a half step backwards and leaned behind Ponyboy while they were figuring out how to break eggs into a bowl.
I took stock of the disaster they made of the kitchen—flour dusted the table, countertops, and floor along with milk and only god could tell. I rolled my eyes to myself, but watched my brothers fondly as I wondered sentimentally if it was possible to love them more than I already did.
"I dunno, Soda. We're like two left feet." Ponyboy shrugged, and Soda gave him a playful bump with his hip.
"Ya mean two right feet."
"That ain't a thing, is it?" Pony snorted.
"Should be. Lookit us. We're a sad pair, honey. You 'n me gonna be lookin for a place to live in the old folks home." Soda gave his brother that megawatt smile, and Pony blushed.
"Shit! Lookit that! We did it!" Soda suddenly hollered, and Ponyboy's smile was as big as his idol's.
With each using one hand, they'd managed to break an egg without breaking anything else in the meantime.
"Think Darry's gonna yell when he sees the mess we made?" Pony asked seriously.
"Well…if he starts gettin' loud, drop to the floor and flop around like a fish. He'll think you're havin' a seizure and feel so bad he'll forget all about the mess."
"Okay," Ponyboy shrugged in agreement, and I shook my head as I entered the room.
"Great plan, little buddy. All except the part where you two give me grey hair and send me to the old folks home at the tender age of twenty-five." I grinned as they both jumped at the unexpected sound of my voice.
"Awe Darry, don't be such a stick-in-the-mud." Soda teased as he gave me a wink.
"Yeah Darry," Pony piped up. "You can stay at the old folks home with us!"
"Now you're talkin'!" Soda beamed as he handed a wooden spoon to Ponyboy and watched on as he mixed what I figured to be pancake batter in the bowl.
"Who's gonna clean up after you two knuckleheads?" I smirked.
"Beth!" Pony suggested happily, and I laughed.
"I'll make sure to break the news to her gently. Why don't you two clean off and set the table? I'll finish up. Any coffee, little buddy?"
"Of course, what am I?" Soda looked at me with disgust before shaking his head and whispering something in Ponyboy's ear.
"Whatever it is you two are up to, you can forget it." I said dryly, and received the snorts and smirks I was already expecting from them.
It was a familiar and comfortable play, and we knew our roles by heart. It was a game we would never grow out of or get sick of. The dynamics of our relationship had shifted. We three were still brothers, but after knowing what it was like to be apart, there was no more pettiness. I was thankful for every second I got to spend with Ponyboy and Sodapop—even if it meant I was at the brunt of their teasing.
"Up to? Geeze Darry, you're startin' to sound paranoid." Soda tried to act aghast, but was doin' a shitty job of it, so I just rolled my eyes while filling up my coffee cup.
"Uh huh," I sounded unimpressed while trying hard not to grin as I took a sip from my cup. "Take a seat Mr. Universe. I'll get these goin' before you two make an even bigger mess."
"Crusty flapjacks, Pony! Told ya he'd take over!" Sodapop beamed as he threw his arm over his brother's shoulder and gave him an obnoxious kiss on the side of his head.
Pony wiped where Soda had kissed him, but the smile he wore gave him away. I shook my head in fondness as I held my hands out for the bowl of pancake batter.
"I got it, kiddo. You 'n Soda clean up the table and get it set."
"Thanks, Darry." Pony's cheeks turned a little rosy as he hugged me from the side.
"Hey," I blindly set the bowl back down on the cupboard so I could give Ponyboy a proper hug. "You okay?"
Checking in with both of my brothers was a compulsion now. Each of them with their own demons; it meant everything to me letting them know I was there for both of them, even if they didn't need or want me to be.
I felt Pony nod against me before he quickly turned away and shuffled clumsily to the table. Soda was there to steady him, and the two of them snickered like some joke had been told.
I grabbed the bowl of batter and started stirring while I watched as Pony wiped the flour off from the table and onto the floor, and Soda cackled at him while he grabbed a few dishes to place for us. I snorted and rolled my eyes and looked down to see if the batter was finally mixed.
The batter was blue.
"Soda!" I hollered and my brothers both broke out into a fit of giggles.
"You two are crazy." I shook my head before pouring blue pancake batter onto the griddle.
"They're close, huh?"
Sodapop sat down at the kitchen table as I leaned back and looked on as my wife continued reading aloud to Ponyboy. It was a love they shared—a fondness for books, and every night he'd tuck himself into her side and she'd read to him.
"Yeah, they're pretty crazy about each other." I smiled fondly before focusing my attention back onto the pile of bills that were in front of me.
"She's really great with him. I didn't think he'd trust anyone ever again after what happened, but he trusts her."
"He was too young when mom died." I stated without thought, because it was the truth.
Ponyboy was at a critical age when our parents passed, and I'd wondered every day what it cost him to not have them around. Beth's presence seemed to fill that void—her softness and warmth blanketed not just my own life, but the life of my brothers as well.
"We all were, I suppose." Soda continued. "Sometimes I forget what it was like, y'know? I forget life before they left."
I looked up from the papers at my brother, and noticed how the expression on his face was laced with the guilt I'd felt as well. Our lives really fell apart after the passing of our parents, with so many horrors trying to rip us apart. I'd loved my father more than anything in the world, or so I'd thought at the time. I couldn't imagine anything worse than the pain of losing him until both of my brothers were taken away because of my carelessness. Now we were together again, and I could barely remember the sound of my father's voice. It seemed so far away.
"A lot has happened, Soda. A lot of shit in between then and now. Ya don't gotta beat yourself up for forgetting. I've forgotten a lot too." I frowned.
"I miss them, but it ain't the same as when I missed you 'n Pony. Felt like I couldn't breathe when I was gone."
"Ditto, little buddy." I reached out to grab Soda's hand to give it a squeeze, and he let me. "Can you breathe now?"
"Yeah." Soda smiled, and the name Sunshine was brought forth in my mind.
We sat quietly; me holding his hand before Soda broke the silence again.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for ya, Darry—at your wedding, I mean. Was s'posta be your best guy 'n all."
"You were there, Soda." I smiled as I thought back to that day on the beach. "Wherever I go, you two are always with me."
"Sap!" Soda teased, but I saw as his eyes welled up and knew my words had sunk in. "Where'd ya do it, city hall?"
"Zihuatanejo."
"Say wha?"
I laughed because I didn't know if Soda was trying to pronounce the name, or ask what the hell I just told him.
"Mexico, ding-dong." I squeezed his hand again.
"Y'all eloped to Mexico? Good for you, Darry. Was it as pretty as I imagine it to be?"
"Was perfect…except my two best guys weren't there."
"I…" Soda stopped suddenly to gather his thoughts before he shrugged bashfully. "I really like her, Darry. I'm happy she's here—happy to call her my sister. It's real nice havin' a woman around."
"You mean that?"
"Of course!"
"You think you'll ever call Sandy?"
I felt Sodapop stiffen before he pulled his hand free of mine, and he let out a long sigh.
"Look," I answered in his frustration. "I ain't tryin' to pry or to meddle."
"I ain't been no good, Darry. Things are different. I put her through so much, I just don't know if there's anythin' left."
"She took good care 'o you. Can't say I'm happy about her lyin' to me about you, but I know she was just tryin' to do what she thought was right at the time."
Soda nodded, but didn't speak.
"Do you still love her?" I looked at him steadily.
"I dunno, Darry. I mean, she's the mother of my kid and I'll always care about her. I just…so much has changed. I sorta feel like she's better off without me, y'know?"
I wanted to tell Soda that he was crazy to think that way, but I knew it'd only make him feel worse. Soda had to endure more than his fair share, and I wasn't about to dismiss what he was dealing with by sugar coating everything.
"I don't know what to tell ya, little buddy. I do know one thing though, and it's that this decision is somethin' you shouldn't be making on your own. This is somethin' the two of you should be talking about together. Sandy deserves a say."
Soda bit down on his bottom lip as he nodded.
"Hey, Darry?"
"Mhmm?"
"How'd you get to be so smart?"
"Three square, and a pot of coffee." I teased.
Soda reached for my cup of coffee and took a sip; his face grimacing while he then shook his head.
"Fuck that shit. I'll be the good lookin' one. You can have the smarts."
