Maura will discuss a topic in this and it might be a shock and sort of depressing and maybe sort of triggering to certain people, but it came to me. It's definitely not Maura having a husband in the past that she kept secret. (isn't that one of the episodes in the actual show? It's in my plans this week to binge watch Rizzoli and Isles on Hulu. I wanted to give you this chapter first, which was really hard as hell to write.)


Soon enough Tommy arrived with Frost and the twins. Tommy had a serious look on his face, and the twins went into Angela's room with Frost, they really wanted to go see their grandmother. Korsak had gone to visit Julian who was put in an incubator of sorts. Jane didn't want to go see her baby brother yet, plus it was preferred by doctors to go see the baby one person at a time. Maura came back with coffee for her and Tommy, as well as a tea for Jane. She sat down next to her wife.

"How are you feeling Jane?"

"I'm feeling angry of what happened, scared that something else is going to go wrong. And well I'm pretty exhausted," she sighed, resting her head on Maura's shoulder. "The twins are really brave for going to see her while she's like that. I'm kind of concerned about why Frankie isn't here yet? He did say he was coming in his message, right? It's been over an hour."

"He said he'd come as soon as he can, I think he's avoiding the whole thing, scared to come and see Angela just laying there in her coma. He hasn't been exactly handling things well in his life lately. It's alright to be worried and concerned," Maura rested her hand on Jane's knee. "Plus Frankie isn't exactly known for getting in trouble or doing odd things. He's usually more stable than you and Tommy, no offense or anything."

"Can I take offense to that?" Tommy asked, looking up at the two.

"No you can't because we know it's true," Jane answered her brother. "Even though it seems like lately you and I are the stable ones," she shrugged, sipping at her tea.

"Loneliness does things to people," Tommy mentioned, "If he wasn't so lonely maybe he'd be doing alright. I still can't believe he broke things off with Crowe. He seemed like a nice guy, even though you hate him."

"Hates a strong word, I dislike him a lot, my hatred is only designated to a select few people. Like Korsak for example," she nodded towards the man coming back from visiting Julian.

"Jane be polite," Maura lightly scolded. "You know that you don't hate him."

"Sure I do," Jane got up and walked away to her mother's room.

Korsak sighed, sitting down next to Tommy, "I take it that she's still angry with me?"

"I wouldn't worry about my sister Vince, so how's my little brother? You know it's odd but quite heart warming that I have a younger sibling. You decide on a middle name for him yet?"

"I still have to discuss it with your mother, but we were kind of going to settle on Fitzgerald. Last I recall."

"Julian Fitzgerald Korsak?" Tommy smirked. "His initials are JFK? I kind of like it, a fourth of July baby with a president's initials, clever," he looked at Korsak with an amused smile.

"I didn't really think of it that way. Or plan it, being named after a president is kind of clever," Korsak chuckled. "He was one of the best presidents after all."

"Well I think that's awesome," Tommy grinned. "Don't you Maura?"

Maura nodded, "Yeah I like the name Fitzgerald. There's the novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald who wrote classics like The Great Gatsby and Tender Is The Night."

Tommy rolled his eyes, "Of course you'd think of some guy who wrote books."

"He didn't just write books Tommy, he wrote masterpieces, maybe you should look into reading something more than just magazines. I'm sure it will impress Frost more if you had some sort of education on literature," Maura shook her head, taking a drink of her tea.

"I'm already going to marry him Maura. He's already been impressed by me enough to want me for the rest of his life. I say that's pretty impressive in itself."

"So you just want to settle for that, settle and not make any more improvements with yourself?" Maura asked and Tommy frowned crossing his arms.

"Damn Maura, what's with the third degree?"

Maura sighed, realizing that she was being rude. "I'm sorry Tommy. I was just saying, everyone should want to better themselves. I've just been really stressed lately, and having Angela in here just gets me upset. And I worry about all three of you Rizzolis. I always worry and now there's a fourth one of you that I have to worry about."

"Maura, you don't have to worry about me, or any of us. We are all going to end up fine, Ma will be okay and so will little JFK. Us Rizzoli kids are strong," Tommy patted her leg in reassurance. "The good news with Julian is that he's not Rizzoli, he's a Korsak and Vince seems to be doing well for himself," he looked at the older man with a reassuring smile.

"You do have a point, sorry for bickering to you. If you feel good about yourself that's all that matters. I just sort of feel helpless when dealing with Jane right now," Maura sighed. "I really hope she doesn't keep this anger towards you up for long Vince. Her being angry is never a good thing. I think I'm going to go visit Julian now, let Jane know where I'm at if she asks."

"Of course Maura," Tommy nodded, watching her leave. "I think Maura seems a little depressed, don't you?" he focused his attention to Korsak.

"We can't really blame her, there's a lot going on right now. And who else knows what is going on in her mind, she's not exactly open to many people. The only one who seems to be able to figure her out completely is Jane. They really are the perfect pair, aren't they? I do hope that Maura's going to be okay."

"Me too, when Maura isn't okay I swear I can feel the world fall apart just a little bit," Tommy ran a hand through his hair.

Maura made it to see Julian in his incubator, a few babies were in this room and it broke Maura's heart how some kids could be so small for being premature. She seen a couple of mothers in here and Maura observed Julian, he had a lot of dark brown hair on his head.

"Good morning Julian, I'm Maura, your sister Jane's wife. I'm sorry that you have to be in here Julian, you should be laying near your mother, not in this incubator. I must admit something to you Julian. I'm scared, I'm frightened for your mother, if she doesn't come out of her coma in 48 hours that could cause some trouble. She's pretty strong though, just like you are. You both are so strong and I have hope that you will be okay. When and if Angela wakes up she'll really like to see you, you know. You have so many people who love and support you. Love conquers all, that's what people tend to say right? I'm so glad you were safe, if they lost you Julian it would destroy a lot of people, it would destroy me. I know the pain, the pain of losing someone you love, and it's something I've kept hidden, hidden from everybody."

Maura wiped her eyes, as tears fell from her cheeks. "But I can't tell anyone, I'm really scared to tell Jane, I have never been brave or bold enough to tell her. I know how hard it is to lose someone you'd been looking forward to meet. I'm so glad you aren't suffering the same fate, she's going to hate that I hid this huge secret from her. She wants to get pregnant so bad, just like I did at one point, it was so long ago, so long since I've lost her. I've kind of blocked that part of my life out because it was really hard for me. I shielded myself off from so many people back then. I don't know why I'm opening up to you, it's just, you being here it brings back memories. I'm trying to be strong for everyone, but it's so hard right now," Maura sighed, rubbing her arms. "I probably am boring you, I'm sorry. Just, please get stronger so the sooner you can get out of here. We're all rooting for you to get better Julian," Maura gave him one last look before leaving the room, sanitizing her hands just as she did once she entered the room.

She went back to the waiting room where now Frost, Tommy and Jane were sitting, she took a seat next to Jane.

"How did Julian look?" Jane asked.

"Small and he has a lot of hair on his head. I feel so bad for him having to be in there. Are you sure you still want to get pregnant, knowing there's a possibility that any of this could happen with you? Nobody is guaranteed a full term pregnancy, it's kind of depressing if you think about it," Maura frowned at her wife.

"I know, but it's something I want, you still support all my decisions of my future, right? You said you support me."

"I do support you Jane, I just I'm worried, seeing Julian right now made me realize how scared I am. I don't want to be scared anymore."

"I thought you weren't scared Maura, you said you were going to be strong during this time. I know it's a lot to ask from you, but can you be strong for me, for us?" Jane looked at her wife with sad eyes.

"I'm tired of trying to be strong Jane, I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with this, that I'm okay with a lot of things," Maura got up from her chair. "I'm going to get some fresh air."

Jane got up to follow her wife, grabbing hold of her hand. "Wait, Maur, talk to me, what's wrong? Do you think Julian isn't going to be okay? Ma will be alright, right? She just needs some rest."

"Julian is fine, he's a strong baby. But I just- I can't talk to you Jane," Maura looked down on the ground, wiping her eyes. "Not about this..."

Jane rested her hand on Maura's cheek, lifting her head, "Hey, you can talk to me about anything."

"Please Jane, I'm just asking for a little bit of space," Maura backed away, "Plus it seems to me that Frankie has finally decided to show up," she nodded towards Jane's brother coming off the elevator. "You should check on him, he looks hungover," Maura slipped past Jane as Frankie approached.

Jane arm dropped as she frowned, "Hey, what's wrong?" Frankie asked his sister.

"I-I have no idea, she came back from seeing Julian and she was upset. She says he's okay though." Jane turned to see the elevator door close with Maura, who looked like she was in tears again. Jane wanted to be with her wife to find out what was wrong, but she was curious of how her brother was doing. "What took you so long to get here? How much did you drink last night? Maura was right, you do look hungover."

Frankie tensed up, "I was sort of in Quincy, I took the transit. I kind of did something stupid last night, like really stupid."

Jane didn't like his tone of words, she didn't like knowing he did something stupid, she hoped he did do anything dumb with Lydia again. "Was it with Lydia?"

Frankie face turned to one of disgust, "Oh God no Jane, I would never make that same mistake twice. It's a long story, I've already had three cups of coffee to try to feel better. The only thing that wasn't a mistake was that I got back with Darren, I only had two drinks when I admitted I wanted him back, then we celebrated a little and had some more drinks, I wasn't ridiciously drunk or else they wouldn't have let us do what we did."

"They, who's they..." Jane notice Frankie shift, finally realizing the Frankie's hands haven't left his pockets since he walked out of the elevator. "Frankie, you didn't..." she glanced up at him, reaching for his arm, he tugged away.

"Yes Jane, I did..." he sat down, "I wanted to take things slow Jane, I didn't want this to happen... I couldn't even talk to him about it, I'll just end up hurting him again, I can't handle that Jane, I can't handle losing him again, but I can't be married to him, I just can't."

"I didn't realize you'd be capable of doing something that stupid? I almost kicked Korsak's ass the moment the doctor called a Code Blue for Ma, but what you did is beyond crazy."

"You almost kicked his ass?" Frankie looked up and Jane nodded.

"So where is Crowe anyways?" Jane asked, curious if Frankie just abandoned him or not. Plus Frankie just seemed like a huge flight risk these days.

"He had to go into work, he asked if what we did was okay and I lied to him. I was thinking about it all the way here, I can't stay married to him, I'm not in love with him. But what if I lose my relationship to him, I'm between a rock and a hard place. I'm screwed either way," Frankie huffed, slumping his shoulders.

"You definitely have to figure it out, if Crowe means that much to you, don't let it bother you. I know I don't approve of your decision, but you shouldn't be unhappy because your relationship with him just became as serious as it can come. Sometimes love is confusing Frankie, trust me. If you are worried about hurting him well, just don't," she patted his leg. "But please don't change your last name or have him change his, he's not deserving of the name Rizzoli and I rather not have to call you Crowe."

Frankie rolled his eyes, "If it helps, we already decided to just keep our last names, it's too much damn paper to change names."

Jane nodded, "That is true. Just take what I said into consideration and don't ask Tommy for advice. I have to go find out what's bothering my wife."

"Like I'd ever ask him for advice," he chuckled, looking over at his brother and Frost leaning against each other. "Good luck with Maura, whatever it is that's bothering her I hope you listen to her and not get all Jane Rizzoli-like. I don't like when you two get into an argument."

"We'll be fine, don't worry about me," she patted his shoudler before heading to the elevator.

Maura was sitting outside on a bench, she didn't like this feeling in the pit of her stomach, nausea and anxiety. She knew she should probably tell Jane about what happened when she was just a teenager, she spent so many years ignoring it, putting it into a part of her mind where she hoped her all time low moment would never resurface, but going to see Julian broke her heart, she was grateful Julian had made it, but she remembered when she wasn't so lucky. It kind of opened up this heartbreak Maura would rather be able to forget.

Maura was in her thoughts she jumped slightly when she felt Jane's hand rest on her leg. "Hey," Jane spoke softly. "I didn't mean to startle you. Are you doing okay?"

Maura shook her head, "No, how's Frankie?"

"He's kind of an idiot, but he'll be okay. I'm more worried about you sweetie. You sure you don't want to talk to me?"

She shook her head again, before resting it against Jane's shoulder. "I don't even know where to begin Jane, it's tearing me up inside not being able to talk to you, but I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" Jane tried to wrap her head around what was wrong with Maura.

"I'm scared of how you're going to react, I'm scared that it might happen to you as well. The reason I was uptight about a perfect sperm donor, there's all a reason Jane, but how am I supposed to tell you something I've held a secret for almost eighteen years. I know we've only known each other for about six years, but I should have told you, I just... somethings aren't easy to talk about and I didn't do it on purpose. It was so far back in my mind, it kind of just came to the surface seeing Julian in that incubator."

Jane listened to her wife speak and she frowned, "Maura, please let me in, you can tell me. Maybe it'll help me understand why you seem much more upset than I am currently about Ma," she grabbed Maura's hand, lifting it up to press her lips against the back. "You don't have to be afraid to talk to me. I love you Maura, and our love isn't going to be going anywhere."

Maura sniffled, closing her eyes, "I was seventeen years old, this was way before Garrett Fairfield and I was 16 weeks along," she felt her body shake.

Jane looked at her wife in surprise, her arm wrapped around Maura's shoulders. "Wait, you were..."

"Yes, I was... that day was... it was hard Jane. I felt really bad during the day... I was at school and I started to..." she paused. "I had to go to the hospital. They... they let me hold her just for a few seconds, then they took her... They had to give me a sedative because I was freaking out, I was hyperventilating it was my father's idea," she paused, wiping at her eyes. "When I woke up, I thought it... I thought it was just a dream, it didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't a dream at all. That she really was gone... I was depressed for months before I got therapy, it helped me push it to the back of my mind..." she stopped talking, wanting Jane to take in all she just confessed to her, she couldn't even begin to tell what Jane was thinking as her grip tightened around her shoulders. She felt Jane kiss the top of her head.

"Maura, I'm so fuckin' sorry this happened to you... that I- that I wasn't there in that time of your life."

"You don't have to apologize Jane, some things just happen. I thought you'd be mad at me for hiding this."

"This has been something you've struggled with, I know it was hard to talk to me about, but like I said, you can talk to me about anything. I guess that's the real reason you don't want to get pregnant?"

Maura nodded, "I already been through that pain, what if it happened again? I know I'd have you beside me but it would upset me too much, especially if I- if there was another baby I had who didn't make it. Now seeing Julian and your mother struggling I just... I have my doubts about you going through a pregnancy, what if it happened to you? I don't think either of us could handle it."

"You have reasonable fears Maura, I know the chances of bad shit happening, but we have each other. It's something I want to do, I know it seems odd for me to want this after knowing what could go wrong, but I want to be a mother."

"You'd be a great mother Jane, I trust in that. I will support your decision but that won't mean I will not be worried about it."

"I'd find it really odd if you weren't worried," Jane squeezed her shoulders. "I love you Maura, and I feel closer to you that you opened up to me about this. I really do appreciate you telling me even though it was hard and brought back those horrible memories. I'm here for you."

"I'm here for you as well, always here for you and with you," Maura leaned up to press her lips against Jane's. Jane kissed her back, she could taste Maura's tears that had fallen down her face previously. "I love you so much Jane, thanks for not getting upset, it really means a lot."

"You went through a trauma Maura, I'd be a pretty huge bitch if I got angry at that. And I'd prefer not to be a bitch to you," Jane kissed her cheek. "Want to go back in there? She should be up soon, right?"

Maura shrugged, "It could take up to 72 hours Jane, I do hope it takes less time, the less time the better."

"What if it takes too long? What happens to Ma then?" Jane asked, begging for a true answer.

"If it takes too long Jane... it... well it means... that Angela could... end up in a persistent vegetative state."

"The doctor says her brain activity is normal, that they didn't take long to resuscitate so everything should be okay. Ma was right, doctors do say shit to give you hope," Jane got up running a hand through her hair.

"Jane," Maura stood up resting her hand on her wife's. "I read the reports, trust me he wasn't just saying that to give you hope. I promise, I'm a doctor and I want to be honest with you. She should be fine, but you wanted to know what would happen, I hope it doesn't come to that. I hope Angela recovers, she has to recover, she just has to."

Jane wiped her eyes, as the tears fell down, "I should go back up there, I want to be by her side like I promised her before her cardiac arrest, come with me?" she looked at Maura with saddened eyes.

Maura grabbed her hand and nodded, "I'm always with you Jane, remember?" she squeezed her fingers, before they headed back inside. "So, care to tell me why Frankie is an idiot?"

"He went to get back together with Crowe..." she stopped when Maura cut her off with a smile.

"Jane, that's great news, we all knew how upset he was when they broke up."

"He ended up getting married to him in Quincy," Jane finished with a frown.

"Jane, they have the cutest place in Quincy to get married, you know they do these drive-thru weddings, I find it odd, but they have so many different ways you could get married. I wonder which option Frankie and Crowe went with. I'll have to ask him when I see him. I'm sort of upset that we weren't invited, or that they couldn't wait until the whole family was prepared," Maura ranted giddily for Frankie's nuptials, momentarily forgetting about the bad things happening in their lives.

"Maura, slow down," Jane shook her head in amusement, "You are way too happy about something that Frankie claims to regret doing," she stepped into the elevator with Maura.

"Why would he regret being happy with someone he was miserable without? Sometimes I don't understand you Rizzolis. You all have a knack for making your lives more difficult," Maura shrugged. "I don't know what you guys would do without me sometimes."

"Yeah I don't know how we survived all those crazy years before you came around," Jane playfully rolled her eyes.

"Oh, shut up," Maura nudged her wife in the side.

"Make me," Jane raised her eyebrows and Maura's hand pressed against Jane's ass, giving it a hard squeeze. "Maura, that's so rude and not a very good way to keep me quiet," she grabbed Maura's hand, pulling her into a kiss, resting her hand against Maura's hip.

"Who's the rude one now?" Maura asked once Jane pulled away from her seconds later.

"I think it's still you. But that's okay, I'll get you back later for it," she patted her ass as the elevator opened up. "Come on, let's go see how Ma is doing."


Hope this chapter was okay. Julian has his full name announced now, Maura opened up to Jane about something serious (hope you guys are okay with what I had happen to Maura in the past), Frankie is making stupid decisions as Jane would say and things are still tense between our Jane/Korsak friendship. At least the chapter ended on a light note flirty bantering Rizzles :)