Author's Note: IMPORTANT! I ADDED SOMETHING TO THE END OF THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER! PLEASE READ THE LAST TWO PARAGRAPHS IN CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE BEFORE CONTINUING! Sorry about this update being a little late, I've been very busy lately! I am going to try not to let it happen again!
Chapter Thirty Six: Alone
I kneel there for a few moments after they leave, staring at the now empty space where the rest of the men had been standing. I kneel there, on that damn mountain, in a sort of daze, still not quite sure what has happened. One moment, I was about to die, and the next, I am what? Pardoned? Spared? Saved? Abandoned? I don't know. All I know is that they are gone. The captain, the men, my friends, gone. And here I am, kneeling in the snow, desperately alone.
A freezing wind blows, bringing me back from my reverie. It pushes my hair away from my face and chills me to the core, and I shiver. I decide that it is just best to do things one at a time, step by step, and the first thing I need to do is find a shirt.
I struggle to rise from the ground, the movement causing my side to scream in pain. After a few moments, however, I am up. Noticing a burlap sack tied to Khan alongside my sword's sheath, I start towards it. Khan seems to see me, and rushes over, seemingly knowing what I want. I open the sack and find exactly what I want: my armor. Carefully, I dump the bag in the snow, searching through the pieces of metal and leather for my-'shirt!' I think excitedly when I see the familiar piece of tan and green fabric. As I go to pull it on, I see something I had been too preoccupied to see before: the white bandages covering my body now have a crimson red bloodstain beginning to form right where my wound is. I let out a curse of frustration before looking back to the burlap bag, hoping to find a bandage or something. Of course, I find nothing, just my armor. I curse again before pulling my tunic on, careful not to tie it too tight and make my wound hurt any more than it already does. That blood only confirms my suspicions, my wound has reopened, if only a little.
The wind blows again, harder, and my thin tunic does next to nothing in terms of keeping me warm. The material is thin and meant to keep men from overheating during drills and practices, not keeping a person from freezing to death. After a moment of contemplation, I hastily put the rest of my armor on, hoping that the leather parts will help keep me a little warmer. It helps, but not much.
'I'm dressed, so next step: fire.' I roll my eyes at that thought. Right now, fire seems quite impossible. Nevertheless, I begin the task of collecting up some bits of wood, mostly arrows, from the snow and trying to get them to light.
A few times, I get a spark, and sometimes, that spark becomes a flame, but after that flame got blown out for the third time, I give up, cursing and kicking snow over the tiny pile of "firewood" from where I sit on the ground. "Whoever said 'third times the charm' was never stuck on a mountain with damp arrows as firewood," I state to myself. Accepting defeat in the fire department, I cross my legs and wrap my arms around myself, shivering. Without being given a command, Khan uses his mouth to remove the thin, blue horse blanket from his back and place it around my shoulders before laying down behind me. I wrap the blanket tightly around me and lean on Khan, trying to escape the cold. I look at my loyal steed, flashing him a grateful smile which slips away too soon.
"You never wanted this, did you, Khan?" I ask. Maybe I look crazy, talking to a horse like he's a person, but, for some reason, I feel Khan can understand me. He even seems to respond, snorting as if in solemn agreement. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this, old friend. You would have been happy as a simple farm horse," I continue on with my "conversation". "Not me though, I couldn't just sit there and do nothing. That's me for you, always needing to do something, no matter how crazy." I laugh bitterly. "Sometimes, I even wonder if I did it all for my father." I pick up my helmet and look into it, now talking more to myself than to Khan.
"My entire life, I've been a screw-up, a failure. People have always told me that. Maybe, what I really wanted, was to prove that those people were wrong. I wanted to prove to myself that they were wrong. Maybe, I just wanted to prove I could do things right. Then, when I looked in the mirror, I would see someone worthwhile." I stare critically at the reflection I see in the shiny metal, and my voice hardens. "But I was wrong, I see nothing!" I toss the helmet away, angry at the fact that all those people, all those idiots and bullies and gossips, were right all along. I am a crazy girl, trying to be something she's not.
Finally, I let myself think all of those forbidden thoughts. All of the thoughts I pushed down for nearly two years, telling myself that I would worry about them when the time came.
The time has come.
I think about my family. I think about how much I love them….and how much I've hurt them. I think about the dishonor I have brought to the family name, the shame I have brought upon Father's house. And then, I think the deepest, darkest thought that has been nagging at the edge of my mind since the day I left. The thought that fills my unconsciousness with guilty, dejected nightmares which leave me crying and sweating.
I think about facing my family.
'How do I do that?' is all I can think. How do people treat a daughter who left without warning in the middle of the night? Who stole from their father, the same man who raised them with unwavering love? Who did a man's job? Hell, who pretended to be a man? Two words come to my mind: not good.
I've hurt and dishonored my family beyond belief, and now what? Do I expect them to welcome me with open arms as I run back to the safety and comfort of home? Of course not! But, I am no coward. I have hurt them, they deserve to be angry at me. I will go home. I will face my family. I will face my father. And if they disown me, if they hate me, I deserve it.
"I'm going to have to face my father sooner or later." I decide aloud. "Let's go home." I stand up, and Khan follows suit. I look across the snow-covered landscape and feel a new sense of determination set in. I will view this the way I view any other mission, take things one step at a time. "Come on Khan, I'm getting off this damn mountain if it's the last thing I do." I march over to where my father's sword is still laying in the snow and reach for it.
"AAAAAAAAAAH!"
'What the hell?!'
I stop mid-reach as a cry of pure rage pierces the silence of the frigid evening. Abandoning the sword, I rush to a small ledge and look down into snowy land which has been buried due to the avalanche.
When I see him, I think I must be hallucinating because no one, not even a Hun, could survive an avalanche. No one could survive being buried under feet of snow for hours on end. Yet, there he is, Shan-Yu. Then I see more. I count in my head. 'One, two, three, four, five…' Five. Not including Shan-Yu, there are five Huns, and they are heading directly towards the Imperial City! I jump up quickly and dash to Khan, snagging my father's sword from the ground.
"Come on Khan!" I shout as I mount him, "We need to warn the others."
Seemingly as anxious as I am to get going, Khan rears up before taking off with great speed, and I grip the reins tightly. Luckily, riding bareback is nothing new to me. As the icy wind whips my face, I think of Chi-Fu's warning. '"Take one step into the Imperial City and you will be dead before you know what hit you."'
Well, we'll see about that.
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