AN: Happy New Year everybody.

Chapter 41

Her crew and her mother were lingering on the command deck when Jane exited the armoury. Still emotionally exhausted from her conversation with Hackett, Jane wished that there had been an easier and more private way to get off of the Normandy but the people lingering around would make it impossible for her. She also spotted Miranda lingering near the cockpit and realised that she would have to speak to her XO.

And those that were around here though she had no idea what to say to them.

Her mother had started to move towards her and although Jane gave her a distinct look, silently asking her to stay where she was, the woman ignored her. Her eyes were sharp and furious.

"And, what did he say?" She demanded. "That idiot could hardly look me in the eye when he left. And he refused to give me any information. What's going to happen now?"

Jane sighed inwardly and gave her mother a neutral look as she stopped walking.

"We will reconvene later," she offered and lifted her voice so that she could speak to everybody. "I simply gave him the report and asked his opinion on what he believes should happen next." She didn't miss Chakwas' worried look. The doctor was standing near Kelly Chambers, who looked positively pale with anxiety. Her heart went out to the yeoman but Jane tried to tell herself that there was no easy solution to this.

"We will reconvene later today but it seems as if they will want to call me in for questioning. Or, I have to at least goand explain the situation in person." She glanced at the crew around her. At Donnelly and Daniels who made a rare appearance on the upper levels.

"They will take the Normandy. So, those who don't want to be taken with them should be clear of it by the end of the day."

The ruckus was immediate, with protests going up loudly from her ex-Cerberus crew. Shepard felt a touch of dismay as she looked at them, realising that they might have nowhere to go. She had tried to never lose sight of how important everybody was to this ship. And to her.

"I know this is not what everybody wants to hear, I know that the majority of you feel that I have to flee but I cannot do that. It is not what is needed in this circumstance. If you have any questions, please feel free to direct them to me personally when I return to the ship."

From her vantage point at the cockpit Miranda made eye contact with her and it was hard to say what was in that gaze. Her XO had also not given her a clear indication of what she thought she should do.

Her mother however looked as if she wanted to say something immediately, but Jane begged her to silence with a desperate look.

"We can discuss it when I come back," she said and started heading towards Miranda. "And you will not get involved." It was a strong word to use with her mother and she was not sure how it would be received. The older Shepard's gaze tightened immediately as she fell in step next to her.

"I am going to have a word with that man," she said and made a bee-line for the airlock. "He couldn't have gotten far."

Beside her, Jack's attention picked up, prompting Jane to shoot her a warning glance.

"You are taking me to the clinic," she told the biotic. "And you, Mum, stay on this ship. Please. I am asking you not to become involved, would have ordered you if you were a part of my crew." She grabbed her wrist and almost considered asking her to leave the Normandy entirely, but she did not have the heart to do so. Her touch seemed to take some of the wind out of her mother's sails though because the older Shepard turned to her, forcing them both to stop walking. As they looked at each other, Hannah Shepard put a hand on her daughter's shoulder and almost seemed to want to pull her into a hug.

Almost.

"I won't get involved, Commander," she finally spoke. "But tell me, where are you going?"

Jane didn't want to tell her either, but reminded herself that she had resolved to give a little more with her mother.

"I need to go to Mordin's clinic," she said softly. "Samara is there." The little biotic shifted beside her, fixing Hannah with an intense glare as the older woman started to protest.

"I'm taking her," Jack interrupted before her mother could say anything. "No arguments."

Hannah had opened her mouth but closed it again, eyeing Jack with a touch of wariness.

"Would it be too much to ask to accompany you?" Her question was not really directed at Jane but rather at Jack who shook her head with a glare.

"It's a private party," she said but then glanced at Jane for confirmation.

Tightening her hand on the crutch Jane used to keep some of the weight from her injured leg, she nodded slowly. "I won't be long," she said. "Now before I go, I need to talk to Miranda. Please, allow us a moment of privacy. I'll join you shortly, Jack."

She moved off before her mother could present her with another argument. Hannah didn't follow her and Jack, probably sensing her need for privacy, remained with the senior Shepard. Jane tried not to flinch when she saw Jack grab the woman by the arm and pull her closer to hiss something in her ear.

Probably a warning not to follow us.

She didn't have the time to interfere and rather motioned to Miranda to step deeper into the empty cockpit where they might have some semblance of privacy. Jane wondered where Joker was as he rarely spent his time down in the crew quarters.

"What is it, Commander?" Miranda asked when they were out of earshot, her icy blue eyes radiating concern.

Aching, Jane drew Miranda closer as she rested a hand on her elbow and glanced back to make sure that nobody was close.

"You have to leave the Normandy, Miranda," she said. "There's been a development."

The ex-Cerberus officer said nothing, but her brow furrowed in concentration as she waited for Jane to explain. The commander couldn't help but take a moment to study her and consider her past. What she did to her had not been ethical, but Miranda had never claimed that it was. Jane had no doubts that in order to prepare for resurrecting her, Miranda had probably done some other procedures or activities that walked that same line of Frankenstein lunacy. She had even mentioned it before and how she had searched for victims of neural damage in order to ensure that her reconstruction of Jane was perfect.

The commander never asked who those people were or what happened to them.

She didn't want to know.

"Hackett told me that there will be a warrant of arrest out for you," she said. "Specifically linking you to Cerberus and your rank within the organisation." Miranda shifted and crossed her arms over her chest which made Jane wonder suddenly. "How high in rank were you?"

The dark-haired woman paused before she answered.

"I was allowed to function with complete autonomy," Miranda said with a shrug. "I only reported to the Illusive Man himself. But, as you know, we were cells within cells. In matters that I... had authority and expertise, I could act on the Illusive Man's behalf when it came to certain decision making. But, I am sure that I wasn't the only one within the organisation to have such freedom. For instance, I wasn't involved in any of the biotic development research. It never interested me."

No, Jane thought. But you were unique. Your intelligence, your proficiencies. You might have been a doctor at some point but you have other skills as well and you must have used them somewhere... The Illusive Man does not let any of his tools go unused.

Jane had to admire the woman's accomplishments. Miranda was only a few years older than she was and had made her own life outside of a system such as the Alliance's where guard rails were placed around soldiers to ensure that they stayed on track in what was a very linear progression.

Miranda had done everything on her own, with no clear path of what she should follow.

Hell, Shepard thought strangely. Until now, every person who had tried to revive anybody had failed. But she found a way.

"I don't think that will matter to the Alliance," she said. "There's no way of knowing what evidence they have against you. And there is plenty of blood on Cerberus' hands that they might want to transfer to you. Miranda, I myself investigated several Cerberus atrocities and know of several more. Akuze, the sabotaging of the starship MSV Anixara. The turians might want you for that one. The release of the rachni on Altahe... " Jane shuddered inwardly when she realised that none of these names surprised Miranda, who merely blinked at her slowly, her lips thinning.

"I wonder where they got my details," Miranda murmured instead and looked beyond her to Jack as if she considered the biotic a suspect. The ex-convict was still gripping Hannah Shepard's arm, their conversation seemingly very intense. "Only the Illusive Man..." She trailed off suddenly, shock widening her eyes for the first time. Then, cold fury came to them as she locked gazes with Jane.

"He had to have done it," she said. "He had to have given my information to the Alliance."

Jane should have thought of it herself. Miranda however was ahead of her as she took a step forward suddenly.

"And my sister," she said. "He might inform my father... I need to speak to her." She reached for the coms but Jane reached out and took her hand, stopping her.

"Miranda you should go to her immediately," she said. "Don't just call. Go and protect your family."

The woman's hand tightened in hers and Jane could see how her two loyalties warred within her.

"Shepard..."

Jane let go of her hand and smiled, hoping it would tell her that she was going to be fine. That Miranda was released of her duty.

"I'm going to Samara," she said. "I won't be angry if you're not here when I come back."

Miranda's closed her eyes as she let out a harsh breath, her expression tightening to one almost akin to pain. Then, she managed to get a hold of herself and breathe deeply. When her eyes opened again and Jane saw the decision she had come to her heart ached a little because she knew she might never see the Cerberus officer again.

"Thank you for telling me, Commander," Miranda said. "With your leave?"

Jane nodded, her heart heavy when Miranda simply inclined her head and turned around, heading towards the elevator. Jane stared at her back for a bit longer then sighed and moved to the airlock where Jack was now waiting for her. Her mother was heading back into the depths of the Normandy, unscathed from whatever encounter she had had with Jack. Shepard couldn't help but give Jack a questioning look but the biotic's expression was unreadable. There was even a moment when Miranda walked by her that she reached out and grabbed the XO's hand. Miranda stiffened but when she looked down at the expression on Jack's face she relaxed a little. No words were exchanged but Jack's hand tightened in hers before she let the dark haired woman go.

Jane's heart nearly burst with pride when she realised that the little chaotic biotic had tried in her underhanded way to give the woman some comfort. In the same way she was trying to give Jane some solace by taking her to Samara.


Asura prayed as she often did, her eyes closed as she breathed in deeply, not using words as much as emotions and feelings which she lay at the feet of the goddess. As she did this, she contemplated the life Phora had offered her, the unspoken invitation to become a justicar. It was every maiden's dream of course, to become one of the paladins of their society and her mother had been so wonderful at telling stories. Of all the family she had lost, Asura missed her most of all. It was easier to think of Risha, of her carefree nature and her youthful vibrancy.

It was harder to think of the asari who had stood by her through all her trouble and accepted her as she was, with all her flaws and the blood in her ledger.

Still processing what had happened in the past few days, Asura wondered for a moment if she could do it. If she would have the discipline to become a justicar. She had gone for centuries without feeding, without needing to meld with anybody and perhaps she could return to that...

Of course, she couldn't.

Sitting in the corner of the room Mordin had allocated to Samara, Asura sat back and stared at the justicar, thinking about the sacrifices she must have made to become what she was. And of course, her presence was a stark reminder of why Asura could not be a justicar. That at the heart of their order, they stood opposed to all that she was.

Blowing out a slow breath, silently thanking the goddess for bringing Abby to her, she was about to stand up to get some water when the door opened. The room was quite dark as Mordin had explained to her that, if Samara woke, he didn't want to overload her senses with too much stimuli. It caused the figure in the door to be wrapped in shadows from the bright corridor outside and for just a moment, Asura thought it might be Abby judging by the crutch she saw at the person's side. But then Commander Jane Shepard stepped into the room and Asura stiffened slightly, wishing suddenly that she wasn't there. Her relationship with the woman was civil at best and she didn't want to startle her.

Commander Shepard didn't see her however, her features becoming more prominent as she stepped into the dim light of the room. With that sense she had of people, Asura could feel the woman's exhaustion and the think sliver of anxiety that came to her like a note of promise. Need welled up inside her, the need to reach out, to embrace her and...

Asura took a deep breath to calm herself and the sliver of anxiety that she had felt from the commander before turned to shock and surprise as Jane Shepard finally noticed her. Asura didn't move as the commander let the crutch drop, her hand moving to her side arm. As injured as she was, her execution was flawless and what felt like a mere fraction of a second later, Asura found herself staring at the wrong end of a gun.

She took another slow breath and hated herself for admiring how beautiful the woman had looked in that moment. How her movements had flowed. In a lot of ways, Jane was as dangerous as she was.

Her breath gave Shepard a moment to process. Jane Shepard blinked slowly as she recognized her and, after a moment's reluctance, lowered her gun. It prompted Asura to stand up slowly, inclining her head in reference.

"I was just going, Commander," she said, not even bothering with a greeting. She could feel Jane's need to look at Samara however the soldier kept an eye on her. Her mouth thinned as she slowly put her side arm away.

"I apologise for my reaction," she said. "I didn't realise that anybody was here. Mordin… Well, I guess he didn't think to tell me." Asura felt her relax a little and carefully stepped forward, looking at the crutch on the ground rather than the woman.

"He doesn't always think of such things," she said. "I'll confess I don't understand salarians, they… live very full lives."

At a fraction of our life span.

Jane nodded, still looking at her with caution. Asura didn't move because she was still in the door and waited until she saw the human woman sigh and tear her gaze away from her. When she looked at Samara, Asura doubted that she would look anywhere else again. Slowly, she moved forward and picked up the woman's discarded crutch. Jane had moved away from her to stay out of touching range and the ardat yakshi wondered if it was subconscious.

"Tell me," Jane spoke slowly. "Has he said anything about… her condition?" Was saying her name sacred?

Taking a look at the crutch in her hands, Asura considered her answer.

"He was very encouraged by her recovery," she said softly, running her hand over the crutch and remembering the way Abby had looked almost defeated when she accepted its near twin for her own use. In the life she had had before, the woman had become completely reliant on moving with a crutch and she had hated it.

Did Jane see it the same way? Or was it merely a means to an end?

"He told me that he had withdrawn some medication and warned that she will probably wake up sometime today."

Jane's green gaze turned back to her.

"Warned?"

Asura grimaced and held out the crutch to her.

"So that I can leave if I should choose to do so." Asura hesitated. "But, I would have stayed in the area. I know you asked."

Jane reluctantly took the crutch, running her thumb along the edge. The way she held it made Asura wonder whether she had consciously gripped it as one would when one intended to use it as a weapon. It took a very conscious effort not to reach out and try to put the commander at ease. The strange thing was, she didn't sense any fear from Jane. Just… reluctance. Caution, but no fear.

"Thank you, Asura," Jane said finally. "I appreciate it." Her mouth thinned as she turned to the justicar. "But I will also add that I don't want you to do anything to jeopardize the fragile relationship I suspect you have with her. Never forget that she will kill you if she has a chance or feel that she needs to. That she has said as much to me."

Asura nodded slowly and stepped back, making sure that it was in the direction of the door. "I won't, Commander," she said nothing but respect in her voice. "But… I also believe that we have an… understanding. We have met in recent days and…" She shrugged. "I am still here."

Jane nodded again, her eyes wandering to Samara. Asura took it a sign that she should leave, but she didn't get closer to the door before the woman called her back.

"Asura, has Abby told Aria of… the past few days?"

Hating that her partner had had to do so alone, Asura nodded, reminding herself that Jane disapproved of her partner's relationship with the Queen of Omega as much as she did. There was still a part of Asura who felt that they didn't need to live this kind of life, that her family business provided more than enough for them to live very comfortable lives.

But, living on Omega was about more than just allowing Abby the independence to become self-sufficient. Asura had her own deal with Aria and that was to keep the vet safe. A month ago, Liara T'Soni had warned Asura that someone knew that there was a person out there who could survive an ardat yakshi's touch. As much as she wanted for it to be true, Asura knew she could not protect Abby from whoever would try and take her, if such a day ever came.

She couldn't protect her family.

Commander Shepard was still looking at her.

"And do you know what her reaction was?" Jane asked finally, clearly not happy with how forthcoming Asura was about information. Still, the asari didn't really know how to answer as she shrugged.

"Abigail said the only thing she was concerned about was that the influx of batarian refugees might cause a shift in the power balance of Omega," she pointed out. "I don't think she's... too worried. Aria's very self-centred."

Jane shook her head at this but in disbelief, not denial. Glancing at the justicar again, the woman sighed.

"Asura, you and I might never see each other again," she said. "So, let me take this moment to thank you personally for everything you've done for those I care for." She seemed to struggle a bit. "Even Dr Gable. I can tell that she is happy with you."

Hearing those words meant more to Asura that she could possibly express. Again the urge to reach out to Jane Shepard came and went but she kept herself in place. She inclined her head to accept Jane's compliment but started to move, indicating that she wanted to leave. And would, as soon as the woman gave her permission to do so.

"I'll be around if you need anything," she spoke. "But I think I should give you some time alone."

The look in Jane's eyes nearly broke her heart because for the briefest moment, she appeared both scared and desperate.

"Thank you, Asura," she said. "I'd appreciate it. Jack is outside as well, I guess you two... I guess you two are alright."

We have to be, Asura thought quietly. For the sake of the woman we both love. She smiled her confirmation to Jane and then left the room, wondering how much effort it had taken from Shepard not to go to her lover immediately.


Alone.

She was alone for the first time since she woke up.

Commander Jane Shepard watched Asura go and felt herself breathing deeply, listening to the soft beeping from the machines around her. And, the one sound that meant more to her than any other.

Samara's breathing.

In the past few days, there had been times that she had thought she would never hear it again. But, the universe had been kind and it had spared her. Jane turned to her slowly, discarding the crutch that Asura had given to her with so much care so that she could limp to the bed on her own. Now that she looked at her again, Jane couldn't tear her eyes away from Samara's face even thought a part of her instinct screamed at her to keep an eye on Asura to make sure that she left.

Instead, she reached out to the asari's pale hand that was resting on the sheets and brought it to her lips, kissing her fingers lightly. They were cold, colder than Jane thought was natural. Fear gripped her and for just a moment she reached out and touched her chest, irrationally wondering if she had passed in the moments that she and Asura had spoken about Aria.

It would serve me right, it would...

Samara's chest rose again and underneath the thin sheet, Jane could feel her heart beating against the tips of her fingers. Blowing out a breath of relief, Jane looked around and pulled one of the chairs that were within arm's reach closer.

Alone.

Jane breathed in quickly, shifting as close to the bed as she could before she wrapped her hands around Samara's and kissed it again. Her hands had started shaking and, when she breathed again it was tight and ragged. And, she had barely managed to control her urge to sob.

What the hell, Jane Shepard?

She didn't know what was wrong with her, but she couldn't stop the second sob nor could she stop shaking.

Stars.

Breathing deeply to try and get a grip of herself, Jane squeezed her eyes shut and angrily wiped at her tears, reminding herself that anybody could walk through the door at any minute and find her this way. She had to be stronger than this. Everybody was going to be watching her from now on.

But, she realised suddenly that this was the thing. Nobody was here. Mordin had said that he would keep the staff out unless it was absolutely necessary from them to come in and even then she suspected that they might have to wrestle with both Jack and Asura.

She was alone and she didn't know when she would be again.

Giving up in trying to control her emotions, Jane breathed deeply and then simply allowed the tears to flow from her eyes. She tried hard not to sob, but didn't stop herself from crying. There was no reason for the tears, nothing specific other than the release of so many emotions.

She sat there for a long time, holding Samara's hand as she periodically stopped, then started crying again. She didn't know what else to do. She was so caught up in the wave of emotions that she felt and the self loathing she experienced over not being able to control herself that she didn't feel Samara's fingers stir in hers.

"My love, I hope those tears are not for me."

Jane felt as if she was doused in cold water second before her skin flushed with heat as her gaze sought for Samara's.

The Justicar was awake.

Jane almost started sobbing again, but breathed in deeply and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Sorry," she breathed even as her heart soared with joy. "I don't know what's gotten into me. You're awake." The joy made her tears worse.

Samara's hand tightened in hers before it moved up her fingers searching for her face. Jane helped her reach it, pressing her cheek into the asari's palm and relishing the imprint of Samara's fingers on her skin.

"Tears are not a sign of weakness," Samara whispered and it was then that Jane realised her eyes were moist as well. "Never hide them from me." She tried to move before her features contracted in pain even though her eyes were filled with wonder as she took in their surroundings. "Jane, we survived. How?"

Her words brought back the horror of their final moments on the asteroid. Jane had become so caught up in explaining herself to everybody that she had forgotten how close they had come to dying. It resonated within her suddenly and finally she understood some of the turmoil that she was feeling.

She remembered how she had resolved to die there, with Samara in her arms rather than live a life without her. She could have saved herself, but what would have been the point?

"The Normandy came for us," Jane whispered and brought Samara's hand to her lips so that she could kiss it again. "My mother took command of it and came through the relay, forcing my crew to break every order I had given them." She smiled sardonically. "They saved us just in the nick of time. No thanks to me. I nearly killed us with my stubbornness."

She found no judgement in Samara's gaze. Rather, she seemed to drink in Jane's presence, savouring it. Her hand was warmer now and her eyes alive.

"You saved us through your refusal to give up," the asari said and when she blinked there were tears in her eyes as well. "Jane, I cannot begin to tell you..." Her words faltered but in her mind, Jane felt... a tug. It was like a gentle caress over her mind, a silent request for unity. Clinging to Samara's hand, she relaxed giving consent as the asari reached out with that other sense they had, that unique ability that they possessed that allowed them to meld with other species through mind and body. It was such an intimate act, even when there was hardly any touch involved and a part of Jane wondered if she would ever be satisfied with any other kind of relationship.

Melding, when it wasn't a foray into one's mind for information as Liara had done to her on the first Normandy or the desperate feeding of a dangerous predator as was the case with Asura, was the most fulfilling thing Jane had ever encountered and she felt so blessed to be able to share this much with the asari before her. When she felt Samara's thoughts sink into hers, she was ready for her telepathic caress. She knew it wouldn't be a complete meld but she readied her mind and gave Samara... everything that she felt for her. That burning love so deep that she hoped the asari would understand that she had begun to live for her. That every breath she took was in hope that she would take another with her. And she felt that same echo in Samara, the desperate love she had for her and the conflict it brought within her sometimes. She had given Samara something the asari had never thought that she would be worthy of again and that was love. Love and acceptance for all the atrocities that she must have committed in the name of her code.

You complete me, Jane tried to send the message across the cacophony of emotions that swirled around them. I love you.

Samara's hand tightened in hers as the connection slipped away, the monitors beeping alarm suddenly. Jane started to rise, ready to call for Mordin as she felt Samara's hand go slack in hers but when she turned, the salarian was already there. He didn't look at her but pushed her down when she started to get up.

"Too much of an exertion to meld," he muttered. "Shouldn't have attempted it. Head wound..." He turned to Jane but then his features softened. "She is simply unconscious, Commander. Pain medication administered a few minutes ago, she would have had no strength to resist. You will sit here, she'll wake again. She is recovering, Commander, you will not lose her."

She needed to hear that from somebody she trusted. Closing her eyes with relief, Jane bit her lip as she looked at Samara's features. Reaching out, she caressed the asari's face, not caring if Mordin saw it. She still felt him lingering then, to her surprise, he slipped a hand onto her shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

"You made the only decision you could," he told her. "That will be my message to STG when I return to them. The variables you must have calculated… Commander, I know that the easiest decisions are sometimes the hardest to live with." Jane felt an echo of pain in his voice, as she often did when he discussed the genophage and even though he had not mentioned it she was fairly sure he was thinking about it.

Jane accepted his words and though she could not tear her eyes away from Samara, she reached up and touched his hand.

"I will miss you, Mordin," she said honestly. "I valued your council through all of this."

The salarian smiled at her, his expression uncharacteristically warm.

"I will give you my council again," he said. "This is not the end, Shepard. The reapers are coming and then, wherever you are, they will call on you to fight. And, know this, I will be there beside you. All of us will."

Jane had to believe him. When she inclined her head he patted her shoulder and turned to leave.

"Stay here as long as you need to," he said. "I promise that I will take care of her until she is ready to be released. And rest if you can, the next few days might not give you amble opportunity to do so again."

The End of Chapter 42