Chapter Forty-One
Trapped in the Future

"I can't let this wedding take place!" announced Jessica Ashley Potter. "Since I'm Harry's twin sister, Ron Weasley should be marrying me! It's in the marriage contract. Whichever twin was born first—which is me—is magically bound by the marriage law!"

"But none of us even knew you existed!" protested Harry, glaring into Jessica Ashley's sparkling emerald eyes, which looked exactly like his own. "And how do we know you're not an imposter?"

Remus became incredibly shifty-eyed, guiltily stuffing cheese into his mouth. Harry noticed.

"Professor Lupin, do you know anything about this?"

"Um, well… I might have known of your sister's existence," Remus confessed. "And I may have raised her for the first several years of her life. And she might have been kidnapped by Death Eaters when she was eight years old and possiblygot rescued by the Half-Blood Prince, whose identity is still a mystery!"

"How come you never said anything?"

"Well, Harry, as you and everyone else knows, I wasn't always a cheese addict. My cheese addiction only started after Dumbledore gave me a job operating his personal cheese grater." Remus shot a glare at Dumbledore, who was busy playing strip poker with several house-elves. "Before the cheese, I was severely addicted to chocolate, and the Half-Blood Prince took advantage of this! He gave me a year's supply of chocolate and made me promise to never look for Jessica Ashley!" Remus wiped a tear from his eye. "So I never did. That chocolate was delicious."

"And then," added Jessica Ashley, tossing her silky midnight hair over her shoulder, "when the Half-Blood Prince got tired of me, he sent me to live with a group of gnomes. I spent three whole years camping out in the Weasley family's garden with my new-found gnome friends, until Dumbledore's phoenix picked me up and flew me to Diagon Alley. I've been scrubbing pots in the Leaky Cauldron ever since."

"So how did you get here?" demanded Harry.

"Our parents put a spell on me. As soon as someone mentioned the marriage contract, I would be magically summoned."

"So that means I get to marry her?" said Ron, eyeing up Jessica Ashley's flawless white skin and mesmerizing green eyes. "After all this time being the sidekick buddy who never catches a break, my lucky day has finally arrived?"

"I guess so," said Mrs. Weasley. "I was so looking forward to having Harry as a son, but I'm sure his sister will do just as well. Somehow, due to a plot hole, I had managed to forget she was part of the contract!"

"But this is supposed to be my wedding!" protested Harry.

"Be honest, Harry," said Hermione. "Did you really want to wake up in bed with Ron every morning?"

Harry shuddered. "Well, no. Not really. But I would have done it in order to belong to a family, at long last!" Tears rolled slowly down his cheeks. "Looks like my dream has been shattered."

"Silly Harry. I'm your family!" said Jessica Ashley, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "And now that we've been reunited, we'll never be apart!"

Harry melted a little at these words. "Well… it's better than nothing." He awkwardly hugged Jessica Ashley's slender, yet deliciously curvy body. "Nice to meet you, sis."

Suddenly, lightning flashed and thunder boomed. A dozen bats swooped down from the ceiling and sinister organ music started playing in the distance. Harry sighed, bracing himself for the inevitable appearance of Voldemort.

But the figure who strode into the Great Hall had long, frizzy hair and wore a pair of oversized eyeglasses. She paused in the middle of the room and pointed a shaking finger at Jessica Ashley.

"Beware!" cried Professor Trelawney. "Beware of the evil one who walks among us!"

"Evil?" gasped Harry. "But she's my sister!"

"And she's about to become the new Mrs. Weasley!" gushed Ron, gazing at Jessica Ashley with adoring eyes.

"If you marry her," warned Professor Trelawney, "the entire school will be doomed!"

"She's right," sneered Draco. "We can't let those two get married and produce another pack of redheads. Hogwarts will never be free from Weasleys!"

Professor Trelawney snapped her fingers and a wild bull appeared out of nowhere. "After her!" Trelawney shrieked, pointing another trembling finger at Jessica Ashley.

The bull charged. He was ready to rip right into Jessica Ashley's silky-smooth complexion and feast on her beautiful, ruby-red heart, when Hagrid appeared and slammed his massive body into the bull. The bull was so traumatized, he took off and plunged himself into the lake, where he was soon comforted by the giant squid.

"Are yeh all righ' there, 'Arry's sister?" asked Hagrid, cradling Jessica Ashley in his big, burley arms.

Jessica Ashley gazed up into Hagrid's rugged, bearded face and fluttered her delicate eyelashes. "My name is Jessica Ashley," she purred.

"Well, Jessica Ashley, yer the prettiest creature I've ever seen." Hagrid's deep voice rumbled in her ear, making her quiver in his strong arms. "The prettiest creature in the whole worl'."

"Oh, Rubeus," she sighed. "You're just like a big, strong mountain."

Harry and Ron both stared at this scene with their mouths open, shocked beyond belief.

"What in the name of Merlin's snorkel is happening right now?" Ron asked in a weak voice.

"I don't know, but that loose-moraled wench is ruining my wedding plans!" cried Mrs. Weasley. "I'm going to make one of you Potters marry my precious Ronnie-kins if it's the last thing I do!"

"Well, looks like me and you are getting hitched after all, Harry," sighed Ron, watching Hagrid carry Jessica Ashley off to the secret Love Shack he kept in the Forbidden Forest. "Take it away, Dumbledore!"

"Oh, goody!" said Dumbledore, who loved performing weddings almost as much as he loved sprinkling parmesan cheese inside his boxer shorts. He stepped up to his special wedding podium and got everyone's attention. "Do you, Harry Jacqueline Potter, take Ronald Samantha Weasley—"

"Ha!" snickered Draco. "Weasley's middle name is Samantha!"

"Shut it, Draco Jessica," snarled Ron. "Hurry up, Dumbledore, before he makes me lose my appetite for this wedding."

"Actually, Ron," said Hermione, "you won't be marrying either of the Potters." She took Ron by the hand and tugged him away from Harry. "You're already married to me!"

"Jeez, Hermione. What is this? Your third husband already?" said Sirius, who was jealous and bitter that Hermione had never married him.

"That can't be right!" sputtered Ron. "I mean, I would know if we were married! Wouldn't I?"

Hermione shrugged. "Not in this case. You had a lot of firewhiskey that night."

Fred and/or George started salivating at the thought of a good scandal. "When was this?"

"Oh, a couple weeks ago," said Hermione, perched in front of a mirror with a mascara brush in her hand. Now that Harry was restored to Gryffindor, Hermione's short-lived normality had gone out the window. "We were all celebrating because Cho Chang got engaged to Mr. Filch, remember? During the party, I snuck up to the girls dormitory to spend some quality time with Dobby the house-elf, and Ron started drinking out of jealousy. Ron finally got so drunk, he burst into the dormitory, pulled me off of Dobby, dragged me onto his broomstick, and whisked me away to the nearest gambling town, where we were hastily married."

"Thanks a lot, Wheezy," squeaked Dobby, glaring up at Ron. "That was supposed to be the greatest night of Dobby's life!"

Ron shuddered. "If this is all true, Hermione, then how come we never moved into the Married Couples Dormitory?"

Hermione finished her mascara and shrugged. "Plot hole."

"But what about the marriage contract?" wailed Mrs. Weasley. "It's been violated! This was supposed to be Ron's chance at the good life! How is he supposed to become a gold digger if he's married to that middle-class hussy?"

"Hermione comes from a long line of dentists," said Harry, trying to console her. "At least Ron will have sparkling teeth for the rest of his life."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that!" cried Professor Trelawney, pointing a trembling finger at Ron and Hermione. "I have looked into your futures—all of your futures—and it spells nothing but doom!"

"Oh, please, you ugly old bat," said Hermione, brushing out her lustrous hair. "You think everything is doom and gloom!"

"You don't believe me?" said Trelawney. "Then I'll just have to show you!"

She conjured up a gigantic crystal ball. The ball hung in the air, suspended in the center of the room where everyone could get a good view. An image began to form inside the crystal ball, growing larger and clearer with each passing second. The image was a lopsided, multi-story Wizarding house that Harry recognized as the Burrow. The image zoomed in, like a scene in a movie, and focused on a third-story window that opened onto a bedroom. Harry gasped at the sight of this bedroom. A man with messy black hair was lying awake in bed, pulling a pair of glasses from the bedside table so he could see better, while a woman slept beside him.

The man was clearly an older version of Harry.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Harry protested. "Why would I be sleeping over at the Burrow as an adult? What kind of future is this?"

"Shh!" hissed Trelawney. "Do not speak! You must observe."

The following sequence is a glimpse into the future, told in Harry's own words. Due to a glitch in Trelawney's crystal ball, the entire thing is told in rhyme. You have been warned.

-x-x-x- Harry's POV -x-x-x-

Seven o'clock in the morning, in a peaceful neighborhood. Boy, I sure sleep better at night since Voldy's gone for good. I put my hand to my forehead and feel that lightning scar. But there's no pain no more, been feeling great so far. The bedroom is quiet, so I roll over in bed. Put a hand out to touch my wife,
but another woman's there instead.

"Now wait just a minute!" I cry. "What happened to my wife? She's about this tall, has red hair, and she's the love of my tortured life!"

"Hold on now, baby," says the woman, turning to face me. "I can explain the whole thing."

Merlin's beard, it's Hermione!

"Hermione Granger?" I gasp, feeling like a fool. "Last time I saw you, we were still at Hogwarts school!"

She says, "That's right, 'til I met you in that bar. We made it back to my place, with some help from a flying car."

"Flying car? I don't have no flying car."

And that's when Hermione sits up in bed, quick as a shooting star.

She says, "You better Apparate, Harry. You gotta disappear."

I say, "Hold up. Just look at you! You're shaking all over with fear!"

"Don't you worry about me. Now I want you out of this room!"

Then she tells me to hide in the closet, and that's when I know I'm doomed.

The closet door shuts behind me, closing me in the dark. And I think back to my boyhood; man, it ain't no walk in the park. All those years cooped up in that cupboard—the memories come flooding back. It's hot and tight and airless, and boy, it sure is black. Hermione's sounding nervous, pacing round and round the floor. I hear footsteps in the distance. Somebody knocks at the bedroom door.
I tense up inside the closet, my wand clenched in my hand. There's something going down in this home that I don't understand.

A man walks in the room and says, "Baby, I'm home. Did you just get out of bed? Your hair could use a comb."

She says, "I just got out of bed, all by myself. Was up all night knitting sweaters for a house-elf."

"Baby, you gotta understand, they like being enslaved. Now here's my razor? I can't believe I forgot to shave."

"Your razor's in the bathroom, right next to my brush."

"Don't you think I checked that spot? Now step aside and hush. It must be in the closet."

And that's when I start to sweat, hiding behind the door. For some strange reason, I swear I've heard that voice before.

He's heading straight for the closet now, his footsteps growing near. I've got my wand at the ready, in case I need to disappear. He opens up the closet, stands and stares, numb with shock. And I'm staring back at him, too stunned to even talk.

He cries, "Harry? Is that really you inside my home? Last time I saw you was when you taught me to use the phone! At your wedding to my sister Ginny—is she still part of your life? I hope this ain't what it looks like, you being here alone with my wife."

I say, "Ron, I can explain," looking my best friend in the eye. "I rode my broom to a bar last night, then got too drunk to fly."

Hermione says, "Ron, I'm sorry. I put him in the backseat of your car. I didn't know by the time we got home that things would go way too far."

Ron sighs and shakes his head, looking so much like my wife. He says, "Since your secret's out, I guess I'll share what I've hiding for half my life."

She says, "Baby, what do you mean?"

But Ron just points to the bed and tells her, "Girl, please have a seat. It is time for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago. Please sit down, Hermione. I'll tell you everything you need to know. What I'm about to say will make you stop and stare, but baby, I confess that I've been having an affair! Now, you don't need to tell me; I know cheating ain't cool, but try to understand, this ain't nothing new. It started back at Hogwarts school!"

"Who is she?" cries Hermione, tears all down her face.

"You'll see soon enough," says Ron. "I invited him to this place."

"Wait, did you say him? Or did you mean to say her? Are you cheating with a missus or sucking face with another sir?"

Before Ron can reply, there's a knock at the door. All of us stand frozen, suddenly rooted to the floor.

I say, "I'll get it," wand at the ready, prepared for an attack. I walk across the room while Ron and Hermione stand way back.

Then I reach out for the door, twisting on the knob. It creaks open slowly, while Hermione starts to sob.

Just as I suspected, Ron is cheating with a boy.

But I'm shocked beyond belief to find it's none other than Malfoy.