Chapter 10
"Learn from the past
Prepare for the future
Live in the present"
Thomas S. Monson
The sudden and screeching noise of the blaring alarm tears me from my deep and so incredibly comfortable sleep. Whining like some annoyed child, I open my eyes ever so slightly to figure out what the hell is going on. Feeling the mattress dip, I find the outline of Paul's impressive back as he turns to silence the horrendous noise. Blissful silence immediately follows and I can't help but release a grateful sigh as I fall back against the soft pillows, ready to be dragged back into my world of dreams. When a strong body suddenly curls around mine, awakening every nerve in my body as he leaves a hot trail of kisses down the side of my neck, I quickly reconsider my decision.
"We have to get up, baby," he whispers with a content sigh, his voice gruff with sleep.
Feeling him pull away, I quickly react by wrapping my arms around him to lock him in place. His husky chuckle sends a thrill of desire through me. You'd think that after yet another night of intense pleasure and numerous rounds of some of the best sex I've ever experienced in my life, that the lust I feel for him would be sated. But no, if anything it's only grown stronger. Latching onto his neck, I feel his groan vibrate in his throat as I carefully direct his body right where I need him. Opening my legs as wide as they can go, I begin to rub my body seductively against his. When it comes to Paul, I'm learning that I've become quite insatiable.
"Jesus," he moans, his hips unconsciously moving against mine.
The material of his boxers and my panties, the only thing keeping us from-.
"Leah, we really don't have time for this right now. The animals-."
"- can wait for a few additional minutes."
I dip my fingers into the waistband of his boxers, gripping the tight muscles of his ass as he flexes against me.
"We'll be quick. Besides, I'll be there to help you this morning and you know what they say?"
I kiss him, successfully distracting him as I pull down his boxers.
"What's that?" he asks between heated kisses.
"Two hands are always better than one. Now be a good boy and grab us a condom."
He snickers, but does what he's told.
§§§
The animals are quite a bit fussier than what I remember them being, but with the two of us working to appease them, they quickly forgive our tardiness. The morning flies by and I'm pleased to find that I still remember everything, in fact, I'm quite shocked by how natural it all feels. When we finally take a break to have breakfast, I find that I'm wide awake and full of energy.
"See, waking up early has its benefits," Paul shoots in as he makes quick work of our dirty dishes.
"Remind me of that when I'm struggling to keep my eyes open at dinner."
His wide, handsome grin sends a wave of heat through me.
"Hey, we could always take a little nap after lunch," he says, wiggling his eyebrows at me.
I'm unable to hold back a very unladylike snort. Paul laughs.
"I think we both know that if we," I point a finger back and forth between us, "take a nap together, there won't exactly be a lot of sleep involved."
He chuckles, but doesn't argue.
"I'm going to talk to Jake about covering for me this weekend so that we can spend a night or two in Seattle when we go there to pack up your things."
My eyebrows rise in surprise. We'd discussed what I was going to do with my apartment last night and after some persuasion, I'd agreed to subletting it for the next few months. I just hadn't realized he'd been serious about going to set it up so soon. Feeling my nerves surge up inside of me, I can't help but draw my bottom lip between my teeth as I try to deal with the sudden change in my emotions.
"Hey," Paul's deep voice is soothing as he wraps his arms around my waist and forces me to face him.
Lifting my eyes to his, I feel my breath hitch at the tenderness I find in his dark eyes.
"What's up?" he asks softly, pleading for me to open up to him.
Exhaling deeply, I conjure up some courage to do exactly that.
"This is just going so fast," I reveal, my voice barely above a whisper.
Paul sighs, pulling me into a tight hug and as I'm surrounded by his scent I feel my nerves slowly begin to subside.
"Then we hold off for a little while," he answers, his lips brushing against my temple.
Needing to see his face and read his expression, I pull back so that I can tilt my head back.
"Are you sure?"
He smiles reassuringly.
"Of course I'm sure. Leah, I never meant to pressure you into something you aren't ready for. I guess I can get a little carried away sometimes."
His hands slowly begin rubbing up and down my arms, his expression sheepish.
"We do need to grab a few of your things though. That little bag of clothes that you brought with you is sorely lacking."
I sigh, nodding my head in agreement.
"And I'd really like the chance to spend some time there with you. Show you around, maybe? Take you on a real date?"
The boyish excitement on his face makes me smile.
"Show me around?" I ask after I've had a moment to consider what he's just told me.
The roguish smile and "I-know-something-you-don't" expression makes my heart skip a beat. He begins swaying us back and forth in a slow dance with no music. When he suddenly dips me, I can't hold back a small laugh. Twirling me, he places his mouth close to my ear as though he's about to tell me a big secret.
"Believe it or not, I'm actually a Seattleite."
Whirling my surprised eyes to his, I try to see if he's being serious.
He chuckles, putting an end to our little dance.
"Born and raised."
A hint of sadness flickers across his face, giving me the feeling that his childhood hadn't been a happy one.
"Although, I think my Seattle will be quite different to yours."
This time I'm the one to tighten my hold around his waist.
"And why is that?"
He averts his gaze for short a beat, before returning them with a sad smile.
"Because my Seattle includes quite a few run-down foster homes and is mostly centered around the South Park area."
I try not to reveal my shock at his revelation. South Park, located just south of Downtown Seattle, was easily the most dangerous area in the city. Paul gently traces a line down from my temple and to my ear as he tucks some of my hair behind my ear.
"Don't worry, that's not where I was thinking of taking you on a date," he jokes, clearly trying to lighten the mood.
His expression grows serious.
"I want you to get to know me, Leah, and I really want to learn more about you," he pauses. "Let me take you to Seattle this weekend?"
Inside of me, I feel the flutters of butterfly wings as they take flight in my stomach, revealing just how attached I've already become. Nodding my head in silent agreement, I do my best to ignore the loud warning bell in my mind that's pleading for me to push Paul the hell away before he has a chance to break my heart.
"They always hurt you!" it whispers, "Run before it's too late."
Instead, I curl my arm around Paul's neck and tug his lips down to mine, praying to all that is holy that I'm making the right decision.
§§§
The rest of the week passes by in a blur of happiness and so much pleasure. Seth, Bella and I meet on several occasions, working tirelessly on our project. Luckily, the farm already has most of the equipment we need to get production going on both milk, cream and cheeses using the goats milk. However, we end up spending a few evenings in Bella's professional kitchen, testing out recipes for caramels and experimenting on creating different tastes with our homemade chevre (goats cheese). Bella mentions that one of the most sold chevres in France is called Chèvre Cendré, which is goat cheese rolled in ashes. After quite a few failures, we finally hit the jackpot, finding the perfect formula and flavor with oak ashes and hints of lemon and notes of almonds and butter.
When the weekend suddenly comes along, I almost don't want to leave. Paul manages to distract me though, luring me away with the promise of a hot bowl of pho and a triple coconut cream pie from the Dahlia Bakery. As always, conversation flows easily between us during the drive into town. Paul's excitement about our weekend away is infectious, making me feel giddy and incredibly happy. I hardly even recognize myself. When we pull up outside of my apartment building, I can't help but notice how strange it feels. How wrong… It's almost as though two worlds are colliding.
An image of Gwyneth Paltrow in that old movie Sliding Doors pops into my head and I realize that's kind of how I feel. As though I've just walked into some alternative universe where my life took a completely different route. Stepping into my small apartment feels incredibly familiar, but at the same time it also feels as though it belongs to a completely different world, one that doesn't belong to me any more.
"This is nice," Paul's voice breaks through my strange train of thought.
Glancing over at him I can't stop a small, hard laugh from escaping my lips, wordlessly showing my disbelief. My apartment is tiny and pretty run down, but it's located in a nice and safe neighborhood, so I never really cared much about its appearance.
"I'm serious," he insists, moving behind me to pull me against his front in a warm and affectionate embrace.
Welcoming his touch, I lean against him, trailing my fingers up and down his strong arms as we both allow a comfortable silence to build between us.
"Did you know that Seattle is the nation's most expensive place to rent outside of California?" I ask, feeling Paul's grin widen against my temple.
"I did not know that," he tilts me to the side, so that he can show me his exaggerated surprised expression.
My heart warms at just how sweet and kind he is, so without thinking about it, I kiss his cheek. I've learned that Paul really appreciates small displays of affection and although it doesn't fall as naturally to me as it does to him, I find myself trying my very best to please him. The pure joy I see on his expression makes my entire body feel warm and my heart begins to race.
"You are an incredible woman, Leah. The fact that you managed to build a good life for yourself here in the city, without help, is truly remarkable. I'm in awe of you, baby."
The way he makes me feel should terrify me, but for some reason it doesn't. Turning slowly, I drag my fingers through the soft and silky hairs at the nape of his neck, stepping onto my tip-toes as I kiss him deeply and thoroughly. Allowing the rest of the world to simply fade away.
§§§
The first evening in Seattle is mine, meaning that it is my opportunity to show Paul all of my favorite places in the city. I'm pleased when I'm able to surprise him with several places that he's never seen or experienced before. Exploring a city that has played such an important part in my life with someone like Paul is both incredibly rewarding and gratifying, but also extremely intimidating and nerve wracking. As always, it's as though Paul is able to sense this tug-of-war inside of me and is able to keep the tone between us warm and light. In doing so, I'm able to find moments where I feel comfortable enough to open up and share things with him that I've never shared with anyone. Other times, however, I'm more closed off, but what's wonderful about Paul is that he never pushes. He gets me, something I've never experienced before.
Later that night, when we're wrapped tightly together in my much-too-small bed, I can't help but wonder if perhaps he'd been right all along. Maybe us finding one another the way we did really was fate. After the next day, where I learn more about his heartbreakingly rough childhood and how he managed to survive without getting caught up in some street gang… well… I'm just about completely convinced.
"So, you never knew your father?" I ask, studying him carefully as he looks out over Portage Bay.
We're taking a little break, relaxing on a bench in Fritz Hedges Waterway Park as we talk. He shakes his head, taking a sip of his coffee before answering.
"My mom was a drug addict who would do just about anything for her next hit," he sighs. "Social services tried to track him down when I first got placed in the system, but gave up after a while. Honestly, I doubt that the name she put down on my birth certificate is even real."
His arm tightens around my shoulders.
"She had some serious issues and I'm just glad I got out when I did."
Holding his gaze, I'm unable to find a fitting response. The fact that he isn't overcome by rage and resentment is astounding to me.
"I bounced around from a few foster homes, but honestly, I got pretty lucky with the last home I ended up in. They weren't exactly good parental material, but they gave me a bed and a safe place to stay, including a few meals a day. They also insisted I go to school and get an education, which I'm eternally grateful for," he pauses.
"The high school I went to had this science teacher, Mrs. Davies, who was really passionate about gardening and food awareness. She convinced the school to set up their own little community garden in this isolated area in the school and would make us work there several times a week."
His lips begin to curl into a small half-smile.
"I absolutely loved it."
I squeeze his thigh affectionately.
"She got me connected with a few of the community gardens around town and I started volunteering there. When I eventually graduated, I realized that I wanted to see what farm-life was like, so a little after a year later I left town in search of something new. Hitchhiking my way across the state."
I don't even try to hide the horror on my face. Paul chuckles and drops a comforting kiss to my temple.
"Somehow I ended up at the Clearwater Farm and I remember just being in complete awe of the place. Your dad caught me trespassing, but instead of throwing me out on my ass, he asked me how long it had been since I'd had a nice homemade meal."
My eyes immediately begin to burn at the mention of my father, and all of those overwhelming, complicated and conflicting emotions directly connected to my strained relationship with my parents begins to swell up inside of me like a bubble that's about to burst. Averting his gaze, I feel Paul's eyes burn into my skin, but do what I can to ignore them.
"I know you don't like talking about them."
I get to my feet, desperately needing a little bit of distance between us.
"They saved me, Leah. They took me in, no questions asked and for the first time in my life I actually had a home."
My body is visibly vibrating with all the tension I have bubbling up inside of me. I'm just about to turn around and beg him to stop, when his familiar warmth suddenly wraps around me like a comforting blanket, soothing me. A small part of me desperately wants to push him away and allow myself to be consumed by my resentment and pain. Instead, I allow myself to melt against him, and accept how his presence stills the storm I have brewing inside of me. Paul doesn't mention my parents again.
