CHAPTER 51
"Omigod! Omigod! Bree, wake up!" Skylar exclaimed as she burst into Brianna's room. She climbed onto Bree's bed as gracefully as she could at five months pregnant and with her small bump no longer just a "small bump."
Brianna, very groggily and not even opening her eyes, said, "Skylar, it's the middle of the night."
"I need to tell you what I just saw."
"Okay. What?" Her voice didn't hide that she was more than a little annoyed at being woken up when it had been very hard to find a comfortable enough position to fall asleep in.
Skylar was talking a mile a minute, clearly excited about whatever story she was telling. "So, I woke up and had to pee like I have to do every, like, 30 minutes. But then I realized I was starving so I went downstairs to see if there was anything left over from dinner."
"The point, Sky. Please."
"When I was coming down the stairs, I must've been super quiet because Jocasta and Murtagh were sitting in the living room talking. But when I came out of the kitchen, I heard them yelling at each other. And being curious, I hid outside the door to spy. Jocasta threw a drink in his face and he grabbed her wrist, and then he kissed her!" That made Bree wake up and she sat up. "What?"
"I know! They were just, like, making out, so I ran back upstairs into my room. But then I heard them walk past my door and they were whispering and giggling, and then I heard Murtagh's door open and they went inside and shut the door. I poked my head out and I heard it lock! That's when I came in here."
"Omigod! Murtagh and Jocasta?"
"Dad will love this. His godfather and his aunt. What a twist."
The next morning, Brianna and Skylar were surprised not to see Jocasta waiting for them at the dining room table. They gave each other an amused look as they sat and the food was brought out.
"Maybe she wanted to sleep in," Skylar pretended to guess.
Brianna added in on the act. "Murtagh too. Maybe they had a restless night." Skylar snorted at her joke and covered her mouth before she made any more noise.
15 minutes later, Jocasta came into the room and took her place at the table.
"Good mornin', dears. I apologize for me tardiness."
"It's no problem. Did you sleep well?" Skylar asked her.
"Aye, I did. Better than I have in a long while."
Bree replied, "That's great, Auntie."
"Will Murtagh be joining us?" She caught a light blush cross the older woman's face when he was mentioned.
"Aye. He should be down soon, I imagine," she answered, then promptly changed the subject. "How are ye two feelin'? Brianna, yer almost at term, I believe?"
"Yes. Just one more month if everything goes right."
"Ye have nothin' te fear. Phaedra is a wonderful midwife. She's helped deliver many many bairns inte the world."
"I'm, so glad I'll be in such capable hands. I am pretty nervous about it, to be honest."
"I feel the same way," Skylar shared, putting her hands on her stomach.
"Yer husband-te-be should be back well before ye give birth, so he'll be there te hold yer hand and help ye through it."
"I hope so. And I'll be there to hold your hand through it." She took her sister's hand and smiled at her. She knew how much Bree was hoping that Roger would be here before the baby came. But as the time narrowed down, that likelihood of that happening became less and less. Brianna smiled back at her and squeezed her hand.
When Murtagh did eventually come down, Skylar asked him how long he was planning on staying.
"Oh, I plan te be here til the lot of them come back."
"Really?" she responded. "I thought you were wanting to get back to Fraser's Ridge as soon as possible."
Murtagh lowered his eyes and shifted in his chair, feeling slightly awkward. "I, uh, decided te bid me time here. Enjoy the luxury'a more than just scraps te eat."
"And we welcome ye te stay fer however long ye feel needed," Jocasta told him. She touched his arm for only a second before retracting it out of fear their new relationship would be discovered; not knowing that it already had been by the two young women. Skylar and Bree exchanged a knowing glance to each other, and Skylar had to bite her lip to keep from cackling.
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"Have you decided on a name yet?" Skylar asked Bree while sitting on her bed. "You could go into labor any day now, and you don't want your baby to get used to you calling them 'baby.'"
Another month having gone by, Bree rubbed her very large now nine month pregnant stomach. "I have some options in my head that I like. But I don't wanna choose anything definite until Roger comes back."
"What are you thinking?"
"For a girl, I've always liked the names Kimberly or Susan."
"I don't think I ever met a girl my age named Kimberly or Susan. Those are such 'mom names' in the 21st Century. But I guess that makes sense since babies born in the 60s would be moms in the 2000s. Anyway, what about for a boy, since Phaedra is so set that you're gonna have a boy.." Because she was carrying low, Phaedra certain it was a boy; one of the "signs" she had learned growing up. "You could name him John, after your gay fake husband."
Brianna couldn't hold back a loud, " Ha! I look forward to having 'Uncle John' be in my baby's life, but as a husband? I already have the letter ready to send out, tragically and sadly having to call of our engagement because my true love has returned."
Skylar laughed out loud. "Omigod, Jocasta will love that."
Bringing them back to the original topic, Brianna went on. " Anyway, if it is in fact a boy, I was thinking about getting Da's name in there somehow."
"A Wee Jamie?"
Bree laughed. "I was thinking one of his middle names, like Alexander. That's a really nice name. But, James is good too. I don't know, I need to talk to Roger about it. This is his child too."
It made Skylar so happy to hear her sister talk more optimistically about Roger and their future every day. "And he should be home very soon. Da and Claire and Ian can't be too far away. It's been six months now, how much longer can it be?"
"Do you think Ian will have any opinions when it comes to your baby's name?"
"He told me a while ago that if we were going to have a boy, he would want him to be called Ian. I shut that down immediately."
"Not a fan of the name?"
"Like I told him, I love the name for him and his father, but three Ian Murrays in the world is a perfect t example of too much of a good thing."
"Well, what names do you like?"
"I've been trying to think of some, but out of the ones I heard and really liked growing up, they don't really fit in with this time period. But living here for so long now, I've come across some that are really nice and familiar to my time as well, like Abigail, Hannah or Leah for a girl. And for a boy, I've fallen in love with the name Oliver. Can you imagine a tiny baby boy with his father's curly red hair and blue eyes named Ollie? It's so cute."
"Aww, I love that. I think th-" She stopped mid-sentence grabbed her stomach, leaning forward slightly and closing her eyes. That gave Skylar some concern.
"Are you okay, Bree?"
She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, um, I think – I think it's coming soon." She opened her eyes and continued, "I've had pretty bad cramping on and off all day. I think my body is just preparing me for the real thing?"
Skylar stood up and went next to her. "How far apart have the cramps been?"
"They started every 15 minutes or so, but now it's like every five. It could just be Braxton Hicks."
"Pain wise, are they getting worse or staying the same?"
"Worse, definitely worse." She grabbed the arm of her chair and let out loud groan in pain.
"Okay, Bree, I think you're in labor labor."
"But my water hasn't broken. Isn't that the first sign?"
"Not always. I'm going to go get Phaedra. Don't move." She ran, or speed walked in her condition, as fast as she could to find Phaedra. She told her what was happening and she and Jocasta, who had been with her, went with Skylar back to Brianna.
When they walked into the room, saw the expectant mother standing up and doubled over, holding tight onto her belly and obviously in horrible pain.
Breathing heavy, she turned her head to the three. "You were right, Sky. It's time. My water broke." She lifted the hem of her dress to reveal puddle of clear liquid around her feet.
Phaedra jumped into action. She called for Lizzie and Mary to bring supplies then got Bree out of her dress to leave her in just her shift and let her hair down.
The period of labor waiting for her to get to ten centimeters dilated took an endless 6 hours. All of the women helped her walk around the room and lead her through breathing exercises to speed up the process. Skylar tried to do all she could for Bree, like offer herself up for her to lean against as she rode out the contractions that were only getting more intense, or when she was advised to sit in certain positions, Skylar would massage her lower back to help ease her pain even the least amount.
As each hour went by, underneath her being outwardly encouraging and positive, Skylar was terrified. She knew this was something she would be going through this before long, and seeing Brianna in such agony made her very uneasy about what was to come for herself.
Claire will have stuff, she thought. She'll have something that will make it a bit more bearable. Jesus Christ, I never thought that I would be so desperate to get a shot in my back.
Finally, it was time to deliver. When Bree started for the bed, Phaedra stopped her and directed to the chair. She had her hold onto the arms of the chair and squat to push.
As she did, her face got so red she looked sunburned and her hair was stuck to her head and neck from sweat. When she would rest in between pushes and she would start saying how she couldn't do it anymore and wanted to stop, Skylar reminded her of the outcome of this torture.
"Your baby is almost here, Bree. You're gonna be a mom. You're so close, just a little bit longer. Just think about Roger meeting his child. You're doing amazing, but you have to keep going," which would help to keep her going. And when she was just at the end and baby's head almost out, but felt all her energy draining, Skylar said to her, "Show me you can do this. Show me it's possible. I'm going to be doing this very soon, and if I can see you make it through, I'll know I can too. If you give up, I won't be able to go through it. For me, Bree. Keep going."
Her words got Bree to give another two pushes and then the baby was here. After delivering the afterbirth, Lizzie and Mary lowered her to sitting in the chair as Phaedra cut the umbilical cord and took the brand new infant to clean them.
As she watched Phaedra work on him from her spot next to Bree's chair, she whispered, "Omigod. Omigod. It's a baby. Bree, you did it, you really actually did it! Holy shit!" She looked at new mom and saw she had fallen asleep. Lizzie blotted sweat off her forehead and used cold linen to cool her skin while Jocasta called for Ulysses to carry Bree to her bed and lay her down.
While she slept, Skylar walked over to little person that just joined the world.
"What is it?" Skylar asked Phaedra, who was swaddling it, meaning was it a boy or a girl.
"Tis a healthy baby boy, Miss Kelley. Ye have a wee nephew."
"You were right." Phaedra smiled in response.
Skylar watched in wonderment as Phaedra finished wrapping him and picked him up, cradling him. He let out few soft cries and Phaedra cooed, "There there, laddie. Yer fine. No need te cry. Ye'll see yer Ma soon."
"May I hold him?"
"Of course, Miss." She carefully handed bundle to his aunt. A small breathy gasp escaped her throat and tears almost immediately filled her eyes as she looked at his face, so peaceful and relaxed. "It will nae be long before yer holdin' yer own bairn, Miss Kelley, ye and yer betrothed."
In that moment, Skylar forgot all about the ungodly amount of pain she had just witnessed Brianna experience. All that remained was the little boy and he was so much more than worth the strenuous labor.
Skylar spoke softly to him, "I am going to spoil the heck out of you. Whatever you want, if your mom says no, I'll always say yes. That's a promise. I can't wait for you to meet your cousin. I hope you two will be best friends."
When she said that, she suddenly felt a flutter of movement inside her. She let out another larger gasp and put one hand on her stomach, no longer able to hold back the happy tears that had already gathered and they fell down her face.
She said to her unborn child, "Can you hear me, sweetheart? I already love you more than I can bear and I haven't even met you yet. And your daddy and I can't wait to meet you."
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Skylar held tight to the railing as she made her way downstairs.
This watermelon I'm wearing does not make it easy to move around easy.
Her head turned to the voice of a person she didn't know was there. "Well, well, well. Look who decided to join the world of the living."
She sat down next to Brianna on a small bench in front of a window in the foyer. "I could kill you," she said with a death glare. "But, I will spare you only because I don't want to cause this little cherub any early childhood trauma." She held the baby boy's hand in her own and stroked it very gently with her thumb. "God, it is impossible to get out bed these days. And then when I am able to finally get myself to just sitting up, I'm exhausted all over again."
"I remember too well. I'm so sorry if he's waking you up at night."
"It's no problem. I just think of it like practice for when this one comes." She rubbed a hand over her much larger belly. "More often than not, though, I tire myself out so much trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in that when I do fall asleep, I slip into a coma and absolutely nothing can wake me up."
"You're almost done with this part though. Eight months, I can't believe it."
Skylar scoffed. "Neither can I. Ian better hurry up and get here, he's running out of time." She looked down when she felt a big kick from her baby. She patted her stomach and said, "I know, I know. You're getting anxious to come out. But you'll have to wait just a bit longer. You are not coming out without your dad here, got it?" She looked back at Bree. "He's the one that did this to me, so it's his husbandly responsibility to see me through this." Both girls laughed, but looked up when they saw Murtagh come in.
"I'm no interruptin' ye two, am I?" he asked.
"Not at all. Come join us," Skylar told him. He sat in a nearby chair and smiled at the little boy on Brianna's lap.
"And how is Baby Mac teday?"
"He is so good today," Brianna answered him. "He's eating and sleeping and pooping just as he should be."
"I cannot wait for Roger to get here so you can give your son a real name and we can stop calling him Baby Mac," Skylar said.
"His last name is Mackenzie, so it works for a stand-in."
"Still. You want a real name, don't you, sweetie?" she inquired of the infant. "Tell Mama to pick something and say screw your dad's opinion."
"Language, sister," Brianna reacted, covering her son's ears.
"I can promise ye, lass, he's goin' te grow up hearin' much worse around this family," Murtagh warned her. "Christ, I canna believe how much he's grown in such a short time."
"I know. Two months old today. How did that happen?"
"He'll be a tall and sturdy lad. He'll be towerin' over ye in a few years' time."
Skylar smiled as they spoke, imagining what her and Ian's child would look like. If the baby would look more like him or her, have his height or be shorter like their mother. It was exciting to think about, but terribly scary as well.
Her thoughts were cut off by Phaedra running in wearing an enormous grin.
"Miss Bree! Miss Kelley!" She stopped, curtsied, then went on. "Drusus came racin' inte the cookhouse sayin' he saw riders comin' down through Campbell's fields, and one of them is your mother. They're comin' up the front road now."
Skylar's stomach exploded with butterflies and she turned to Brianna. She looked just as excited as Skylar was.
"Dinna fash, lasses. Go on," Murtagh told them.
The two young women smiled widely and stood up, heading for the door. But Skylar stopped before they went outside.
"I'll meet you out there," she said, and then ran up the stairs to her room.
She opened her wardrobe and grabbed the largest cloak she had. She put it on and wrapped it around her stomach. She didn't want it to be the first thing Ian saw. She wanted to surprise him. She looked herself over in the mirror.
Omigod. This is it. It's time. Please God, please let him be happy about this. And please don't let Dad shoot him on sight.
She let out a slow exhale, then went back downstairs.
Before opening the door, she took another moment to prepare herself and then opened the door. She was confused when she was not met by the happy picture she was imagining. She saw Claire and Jamie, both looking very solemn, and Claire hugging Bree as tight as she could.
She hurried to them and asked, "What's wrong?"
Claire pulled from her daughter and looked at the second girl. She saw so much sadness in the older woman's eyes.
Claire opened her mouth to answer, but before she could say a word, Brianna spoke, with tears trickling down her cheeks, "Roger left. He went back to his time. He's gone." It was barely above a hoarse whisper, but Skylar understood her perfectly, and her heart broke for her sister.
"Brianna, I'm so sorry." She squeezed her shoulder in an effort to comfort her, but she knew that wasn't nearly enough. "I-I have no idea what else to-" She looked back at Jamie and Claire, and then noticed. Ian wasn't with them. "Where's Ian?"
With the same pain they had looking at Brianna, they looked at her.
Skylar could tell something was wrong. She took her hand from Bree's shoulder and faced them square on. "Where's Ian?" she asked again, panic starting to set in and come through in her voice. They didn't answer her. They looked at each other, trying to find the right words to say. "Please tell me where the hell he is right now." She was trying to keep herself calm, but the way they were acting was making that very difficult.
Jamie swallowed hard and knew he needed to just say it. Stalling would only make the truth worse. "It wasna easy gettin' Roger back. The Mohawk were refusin' te give him te us without a fair trade." He stopped.
"And?" Skylar pressed, already feeling like she was going to throw up. She held her cloak closed in such tight fists, she could feel her nails digging into her hands.
"And," Jamie continued after a long beat, "Ian gave himself te stay in Roger's place. He decided te stay and live amongst the Mohawk so that we could take Roger back."
The world fell silent around Skylar and everything seemed hazy, her vision fading in and out of black. She didn't know how long she had been in that state, but when she did eventually come to, she started laughing, not believing it was real. "No. No he didn't," she argued, still laughing madly. "He-he would…he wouldn't do that. No. No…No, h-h-he promised that he would come back. He prom – he swore it." She looked back and forth between Jamie and Claire, and she saw how serious they looked. She looked at Brianna who still had her own tears running down her face but looked in shock and beyond devastated for her sister. "Sky, I can't even begin-" She reached out to touch her, but Skylar moved back. Her laughing had stopped.
She shook her head over and over and she kept saying, growing more hysterical, "No. No, he…he promised. He swore to me that he would come back to me. He gave me his word! He wouldn't do that! He wouldn't just leave me like that! No! No, you're lying!" She was seeing black spots and was starting to hyperventilate. She grasped at her chest and her legs gave out, making her fall to the ground. She held onto her arms and bent almost to the ground.
Brianna immediately was next to her and said, with her own unbearable pain still evident in her voice, "Skylar. Skylar, look at me. Look at me." With every bit of effort she had, she was able to lift her head to Bree. "You need to breathe, okay? You have to keep breathing. You need to for your baby. Your baby needs you to breathe."
"Baby?" Claire repeated, utterly dumbfounded by Brianna saying that word.
Skylar didn't notice Claire nor Jamie's reactions. She truly thought that in this moment her heart was going to give out and she was going to die. Her entire body felt numb except for the intense sensation of pins and needles in her arms and legs. She could feel the bile coming up her throat and she didn't try to stop hit, letting herself vomit onto the ground. She felt as though she wasn't in her body or was no longer connected to reality. But somewhere in her, she knew Brianna was right. She needed to make herself breathe for her child. For her and Ian's child. She needed to calm down.
Unable to control her shaking, she reached her hand out for Brianna, which she took. She forced air through her nose which she exhaled slowly out of her mouth again and again and again until her mind was clear enough to speak.
"Grass…" she started listing, touching the yard next to her. "Ro-rocks…h-h-hand." Brianna squeezed her hand encouragingly. "See water…um-hor-horses…dirt." She gasped as her hand went to her bump. "Kicking," she whispered. "I feel kicking." Her sweat mixed with more tears falling down her face as her heart kept rebreaking into millions of tiny irrevocable pieces.
After a torturous number of minutes, Skylar felt able to stand and Brianna helped her to. She stared at the ground and was taking uneven, but slow, breaths. She felt ice cold.
When she seemed to be in a place where she could talk again, Claire asked her, "Skylar, are you pregnant?"
She slowly looked up, and then moved her cloak away from her stomach, revealing the big surprise. Looking between Jamie and Claire, she choked out, "Ian and I were handfast the night before you all left. I found out three months after."
"Oh, Skylar," Claire said, empathy dripping from her voice. She reached out to hug the girl, but she backed away.
"Please don't," she whispered, lowering her eyes.
Unable to watch his daughters suffer anymore, he suggested they all move inside the house. And with a heavy and sad feeling over them all, they did.
The moment they walked through the door, without saying anything or giving a glance to anyone, Skylar retreated up the stairs as fast as she was able, ignoring Jamie and Claire calling out to her.
Once in her room, she slammed the door and faced it. She stared at it silently for a moment, then let out a bloodcurdling scream with the word, "WHY?!" not able to care less that everyone in the house could gear her. She dropped to the floor and broke down. Once she started, she couldn't stop. She brought herself to sit against the door and was screaming all the while she was crying harder than she ever had. She reached for the bin she knew was near her door and threw up into it.
Once she had no more tears left in her, she pulled herself up and stumbled to her bed. She sat down and just stared at the wall.
How could he do this? she thought. How could he leave me? Didn't he think about what this would do to me?
Some sadness was beginning to disappear and raging anger was replacing it. Her nostrils flared and she grit her teeth, her nails clawing at her blankets. She was furious that he did this, not thinking about anyone but himself, not thinking about how this would destroy her.
What the fuck is wrong with him?! We were married! I was his wife and promised to return to me! You lied! You fucking lied! You said you would never lie to me again and you broke that. How dare you?!
She picked up the closest object to her, which was a tea cup and saucer left there from last night, and hurled it against the wall. "AHHHH!" she screamed as she did. Her breathing was no longer shaky but very heavy and she could feel her chest heaving with each inhale. She stared at the shattered porcelain and lowered herself back to the bed.
Her thoughts were disturbed by someone knocking at her door. "Skylar?" She could hear it was Jamie, but she didn't answer. He waited to hear if she would say something, and when she didn't, he let himself in. He paused in the doorway and looked at her. He was in his own pain seeing his daughter in such a state. He wanted to help her, to comfort her, but he knew that wouldn't be easy. He walked over and sat next to her. He just sat there at first, not saying anything. He wanted to wait for her to speak first. He would wait however long she needed.
"How could he do this?" she finally said in the softest whisper and still staring at the wall. "He knew I was waiting here for him."
"I promise ye, lass, this was not an easy choice fer him. He kent all too well how hurt ye'd be."
"Yet he still made the choice." Her words were sharp and poison filled.
"I ken that part of the reason for him doin' this was because he felt he needed te take responsibility fer bein' part of why Roger was in that situation in the first place. Tis likely he felt this would bring him peace fer his actions."
She started yelling again. "Then let Roger beat the shit out of him. Find some other way to beg his forgiveness. Don't throw away everyone and everything that mean anything to you and start a new life without them."
Jamie closed his eyes and took a silent breath. "He did this te save me life."
Skylar looked at him for the first time since he came in. "What do you mean?"
"I had intended to be the one te stay with the Mohawk. My plan was te live as one of them fer however long I needed te so I would no be under any suspicion, and then I would escape. I didna ken how long that would've been. It may have been a matter of weeks, or could have been years, if at all. Ian though…he's smart. He kent if I stayed, I wouldna be able to get out of there alive. He knew I was needed here with Bree and Claire…and ye." He put his hand on top of hers that rested on the bed. "However, he kent that if he stayed and lived as one of them, they would let us go with Roger, peacefully, and that he would no be in any danger. And that ye would be cared fer and loved and protected in the way ye need te be from yer father. That was the most important thing te him and why he ultimately did what he did. He needed ye te have yer Da wi' ye. He was not goin' te rob ye of another father, he told me. It was a great sacrifice he made, Skylar, fer ye, fer me, fer our family. But, believe me, it was not one he came te wi'out feelin' immeasurable pain over it himself."
Skylar's eyes were stinging again with tears. She closed them and let them fall.
"He asked me te give this te ye," Jamie continued. He took something out of his pocket and put it in Skylar's hand. It was the necklace from her mother that she had given him as a wedding ring. She let out a sob seeing it and covered her mouth, trying to keep more sobs in. "He kent ye would want it back."
Her hands still shaking, she closed her fist around the necklace and held it to her chest. That made it real for her. He was really gone and not coming back. He wasn't hers anymore.
Skylar didn't leave her room for the rest of the day and into the night. She laid still on her side, facing the window. She looked at the empty space next to her and could see Ian there, his eyes bright and smiling at her. She continued to cry quietly as she touched the cold pillow where Ian once laid and held her close to him, telling her everything was okay and she was safe with him. She was still holding her necklace. She stared at it in her hand, but her head was empty. There were no thoughts running through it. She felt like she was no longer alive and she was in some strange dream that she desperately wanted to wake up from.
A soft knock came from her door. She didn't responded to it, but the person still came in. She could tell it was actually two people from the footsteps. She felt someone sit on the bed.
"Skylar?" came a kind voice. It was Claire. "We brought you dinner." She said nothing. "You need to eat, darling. It's vital you do for your child."
"'kay," was all she gave. She heard heavier footsteps come around to the other side of the bed. She saw Jamie's face and he knelt in front of her.
"A leannan, we want te talk te ye. Will ye let us?" She nodded. Jamie looked to Claire, then back to her. "We te ask ye about where ye would like te be."
She didn't understand. "What?"
"What he means is," Claire took over, moving more onto the bed. She placed a soft hand on Skylar's back, "if you felt that going back to Fraser's Ridge would be too painful for you, and you would rather go back to your own time, or go to stay at Lallybroch, we would understand."
"Do you not want me anymore because I'm gonna be a mother with no husband?"
"Christ, no," Jamie told her. "We dinna think like that at all. Ye are our child, blood of my blood and bone of my bone. We want ye with us with more than our whole souls. But because of our unbreakable love fer ye, we cherish yer happiness over all else."
"Wherever you want to call home for you and your child, we support you no matter the choice."
Skylar sniffed, trying to hold back tears that she didn't know were still in her. She rolled onto her back and sat up with Jamie and Claire's assistance. She looked at both of them and said, "I want to be with my family. With my parents," she took their hands, "my sister, my brother. I want to be with you." She ended with her watery gaze on Jamie.
He kissed her hand affectionately. "Then it shall be so."
They stayed at River Run for only three more days after Jamie and Claire came back. Brianna had found it in herself to come out of her room during those days and interact with the other people around her. Skylar remained isolated in her room, with Claire bringing her food. She would then sit with her to make sure she ate. It would sometimes take a couple hours for her to finish a meal, not feeling like she could stomach anything. But Claire would be there for her, speaking or not, whatever Skylar was wanting at that particular time.
She didn't sleep. She would stay awake at night, trying to rearrange the life she had planned out so detailed in her head of her and Ian, married and raising their first child.
There were several times over those three days where she felt that she no longer wanted to continue living. She would look at the letter opener lying on the small table, or out her window, wondering if one method would be less painful and quicker than the other. But as if it knew, every time one of these dark urges entered her mind, she would feel her baby move and it would bring her back. She needed to stay alive and give her child the best life she possibly could.
The day they were to go back to the Ridge, Skylar sat in the parlor, waiting for the others to be ready to leave. She was trying to tune out the noise around her when Brianna came sprinting downstairs.
"Bree, what is-" Claire started, but she was out the door before she could finish. Claire ran to the window. "Omigod," she whispered.
"What is it?" Jamie asked, joining her. "Jesus Christ," was his reaction when he saw.
"Well, dinna keep us in suspense," Murtagh said.
Claire turned to the room and said, "It's Roger."
Skylar didn't react. She sat frozen, not paying attention to when Redcoats came through the door, or when Jamie received an order that he had to hunt and kill Murtagh. She didn't notice when Brianna came back inside until she heard her say, "Skylar?" She lifted her eyes from the floor and there stood her sister with a man next to her who she guessed was Roger. He looked like he had been through hell. His clothes were in rags, his hair was mangy and he was covered in dried blood and dirt. She looked away and to the wall. Brianna tried again, "Skylar, this is Roger. He's back. He came back." Tears started to well up in Skylar's eyes but she fought against them.
"It's an honor te meet ye, Skylar," Roger said to her. A beat went by without a response from her, so he went on. "I was told yer Young Ian's lass." Skylar grit her teeth and tightened her grip on her stomach at hearing him say Ian's name. "I am ferever indebted te him. He saved my life. I'll never be able te thank-"
"It's very nice to meet you, Roger," she said, suddenly standing up. She had had enough of him talking to her and she wanted to get away from him. "I'm very happy you've come back to Brianna. If you'll excuse me." She quickly walked into a room as far away as she could get.
They decided to stay at River Run an extra week for Roger to build his strength up. And for that week, Skylar avoided him like the plague. If she did venture out of her room and he was in a space she had entered, or came into one she was in, she immediately left. She didn't want to be anywhere near him and she didn't want to talk to him. Just seeing him reminded her of where her husband was, and she did still call Ian her husband. She thought about him every minute of every day and didn't want it shoved in her face what had happened to him.
That night, Brianna knocked on her door. "Come in," she called, softly.
Bree opened the door and walked inside. She saw Skylar lying on her bed, holding her stomach.
"We're all sitting down for dinner. We'd love for you to join us."
"No, thank you."
Brianna walked over to her and sat on the edge of the bed. "I understand how much pain you're in, Sky. You know I do. But we just-"
"You don't though," Skylar interrupted her. She looked at Bree. Her words were as void of emotion as her eyes. "You don't know the pain I'm feeling. You did for a little while. But now you don't." She sat up and continued. "Bree, I am so happy for you that the love of your life came back to you. Believe me, I am, with my whole heart. But mine didn't. The love of my life, my husband, did not come back, and he never will. And every time I look at Roger, I'm reminded of that. So please, forgive me if I want to avoid the man that caused Ian to leave me."
"Sky-"
"You get to raise your baby with Roger. Your child gets to know his father, and his father will be in his life forever. Roger gets to see his son grow up. See his first steps, hear his first words. You get a family. My baby will never meet their father. Hell, Ian will never even know that he is a father. I don't get a family with him. I'm alone." She laid back down, facing the window and away from her sister. "Please go, Bree."
Not wanting to push her and hurt her more, she did as she was told and left.
When she heard the door close, Skylar held onto her necklace that she had at last put back on. She closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep so she wouldn't cry anymore.
