How long have I been here? A day? A week? A month? Several months? It's hard to keep track of time when you don't have a body to experience it. Luke said that how long I've been here and how long it's actually been back in my reality are going to be different. What could be a month here could be a day back there. That eased my nerves a little.
When I first arrived here, I was a blithering mess, broken down with sadness. Now I was back to my normal self, spending most of my time picking flowers, helping the nun ladies with their work, and training with Luke. When he and I weren't training, we would do other things like go out on walks or sit under the stars. Sometimes we'd just talk for hours on end. I learned so much in my time there- nothing about how I died or whatever happened to Mando, but so much about Luke and who he was. Him and eventually Anakin…. It took a long while before we could start to talk about him.
I used to wait anxiously to return; to be back in my own time. But as the days wore on, my enthusiasm drained off. Partly due to the fact that when I did return to my physical self, I'd likely still be on Moff Gideon's ship, and I'm much rather spend my time here with Luke than in a cell. I can't say I was unhappy here either…. Some areas reminded me so much of back home… of Takodana.
Luke was climbing down the stone staircase outside the huts when I came running up to him. My arms were full of freshly bloomed wild flowers. "Hi Luke! I picked you some flowers!" I exclaimed excited. He looked at me and scoffed in his usual way. I'd had come to know that this particular scoff was a way to hide his own joy or pleasure at something. He approached me, plucking a single flower out of the bundle. Bringing it closer, he examined it casually.
"Flowers….. What is it with you and flowers?" "I've always loved flowers, ever since I was a little girl," I set the bouquet down on the stone wall beside us. "I know," he rolled his eyes. Brushing off his pricky front, I grinned down at the lovely, colourful blossoms. My fingers reached out to touch the tips of a pink one.
"The first thing anyone ever bought me was a flower, back at Takodana Castle," my eyes softened and Luke didn't say anything, giving me the breath to continue at my own pace. "I gave it to Mando…. I think he still has it actually. He kept it behind his breastplate, overtop his heart." Then I looked back up to Luke, who was watching me with soulful eyes. Naturally, I smiled right back at him.
Neither of us had any clue that day would be so faithful when it started. After putting the flowers in some water, Luke led me out into the valley so to do some training that afternoon. We were quietly tracing along; me glancing out at the water every so often. I had to admit, he was right- I didn't see a single sea monster since I'd been here. I was staring absent-mindedly into the horizon when all of a sudden, this weird tingling befell me. No, tingling's not the right word- it was more like a vibration emanating from the inside. It wasn't the Force ringing in my head like before. This came more from my stomach and chest reign.
My feet paused as my eyes wandered into nowhere, trying to determine what that feeling was. At first I thought I might be queasy, like getting sick or something, but that notion was banished when I remembered I didn't have a physical body to be sick. I couldn't figure out exactly what was wrong with me, but something was definitely up. The internal waves grew stronger and stronger by the second, almost like I was pulsing from the inside out. My head spun back in Luke's direction and my foot took a step forward. I knew something was really wrong at the sight of my hand when I lifted it up. I saw the state of my hand and arm, and immediately began to panic.
"Luke? Luke! Something's happening! Something's happening to me! Something's wrong!" He instantly halted, spinning around so fast I didn't have time to blink. From the moment he looked at me, I knew something was amiss. The colour drained from his face as he slowly, reluctantly almost came over to stand in front of me.
It wasn't just my hand now; my whole being was becoming more and more see-through by the second. I was literally disappearing without conscious realization or will. My eyes went from my now nearly vanished hand over to a petrified-looking Luke. He was genuinely scared, but that melted away quicker than I'd imagined. His expression morphed to one of profound sorrow…. sorrow and understanding.
"Looks like it's time for you to return," his tone was dry and tort. I blinked to him dumbfounded. "Really?! That's what's happening? I'm going back…. to my own body?" My gaze rolled down to my hollow self. You could nearly see the sea through me now. When I looked back to Luke however, it hit me like a title wave. I was going back…. back to my own time. I'd be back, and….
"But I… Well, how…. How do you know? Is it really time? Do I….?" Luke held up his hand to stop my incomplete rambling. The faintest detection of a very sad grin appeared in the edges of his mouth. "It's time, Saoirse. The Force says its time….." He said this and my lips parted. Time… I'd been waiting for this moment for so long and yet, I had no idea how I would feel when it finally came. I didn't know what to expect, and it wasn't what I had been expecting- if I expected anything, that is. All I could do was simply observe Luke, my master; observe him and realize that I don't know when I'd see him again. That sent a pang of fear and dread through my heart. "No… no." "Saoirse…" He began. "I can't just leave you like this," I interrupted. After looking at me for a minute, Luke smiled- for real this time- and shook his head. Not just his eyes but his whole stance was calm and adoring just then.
"You never will. I have not breathed your name since the day we parted, and I will not speak of you again once you are gone. You exist now only inside my heart…. You are safe in there. And we shall be together again soon….. in your time and in mine. Until then, I shall wait here patiently by the sea…." He peered out onto the ocean. "Wait and rest. There'll be no more students… not after you. I'm done; I'm done now." Luke, my eyes widened. "What about that girl you were telling me about? The woman who gave you back your lightsaber?" "Her? I don't think so," he scoffed. "Why not? She's seems strong enough," I pressed. "She'll never be you," he stared me straight in the eye. "She's doesn't have to be. I'm a healer; not a Jedi. I bet she can be a really good Jedi." He didn't say any more about the topic after this; just glanced back out onto the water's surface. That's when I looked back down at my body, realizing I was going fast.
Luke seemed to notice this too, turning his head back my way. I gave him a frightened expression, to which he simply smiled. A sincere, gentle, loving smile. "Go back, Saoirse. Your body is calling to you." "Will I ever see you again?" I asked without thinking first. He chuckled warmly at this, lowering his head a tad. "You'll see me again, but I don't think I'll see you again. Not at least while I'm alive." "Luke…." "It's ok, Saoirse; I'll be ok. I'm content with this. I want to remember you this way. Happy, and so full of life and hope…. This is the version of you I want to hold for the rest of my life." "Oh, Luke," I'd already started crying. "But I know I'm still going to miss you…." It wasn't possible for him to give me a kinder, more affectionate stare just then. His eyes lowered ever so tenderly onto me.
"Thank you for being in my life, Saoirse."
My mouth opened but no words fell out. Luke's head gave a single nod. "Now go… Go back to Din Djarin." Luke! Realizing I was swiftly running out of time, I started sprinting towards him without my conscious will allowing me. My arms opened to embrace him, and his followed suit. Now I know it wouldn't have made a difference, but it was the symbolic gesture which mattered. Literally a second right after our bodies would have collided, my spirit evaporated entirely. The last thing I remember was seeing a single tear roll down the side of Luke's cheek. Then absolutely everything went black.
Saoirse's P.O.V. (Present)-
My eyes shot wide open. My body bucked with a jolt. My mouth opened to gasp, taking in what felt like my first breath in forever. And just like that- in the blink of an eye- my spirit had reunited with my body yet again.
