Authors Note: Switched it up this chapter with some POV. I was going to cut it after Santana's POV and have Brittany's as a separate chapter, but I honestly thought you guys would kill me if I left it on another cliffhanger, so enjoy a super long chapter instead.

Enjoy, and as always, would love to know your thoughts!x


Santana's POV

Have you ever felt that limbo feeling before? The same feeling you get between Christmas and New Year, where everything just feels up in the air. Or on a heavier note, the time between a loved one passing away and the funeral.

That was exactly how I felt right now, in the six days since Brittany's wedding where I had finally grown the courage to tell Brittany how I felt, and today, the day of yet another wedding. The wedding of my friend Ashley, which just so happened to fall on Valentine's Day. That was all I needed, after the haze of the past few days, to see Brittany and her new husband all loved up…on Valentine's Day.

Right after I confessed my love to Brittany, Sam appeared and broke the moment. Naturally he was concerned for his new wife, claiming he'd been looking everywhere for her, but I couldn't help but curse the timing. I could tell Brittany struggled to tear her eyes away from me and look at Sam, and act completely normal, and I struggled to control my breathing and regain composure too. But the moment was gone. Sam led Brittany back inside where I didn't really see her for the rest of the evening. I wasn't sure if that was deliberate on Brittany's part, or if she was genuinely just busy playing host and making sure to spend time with every guest, but either way I knew it was probably for the best.

As much as I so desperately wanted Brittany to kiss me in that moment, and tell me she felt the same, and for the two of us to Thelma and Louise it into the night, that wasn't the reality of the situation. Brittany was married now, and I could really only blame myself for telling her too late. But I say the same to myself as I said to Quinn. The way it came out, I can't regret, because it was just the organic way in which it happened. When I finally told Brit, I had no control over it, almost like I was meant to tell her in that moment. It wasn't like all of those other times where I had nearly told her, but something had held me back. This time, I just had to tell her. Of course, I wish I'd have told her sooner, so we could have been together years ago. So that she didn't have to end up marrying Sam. But maybe there was a reason for that? Maybe if I'd have told her years ago, it would have been the wrong timing, and something awful would have happened to break us up. That's why as much as it pained me to know that I had lost Brittany to Sam, I still held hope that things weren't unfinished between us. That something was going to lead us together, and everything that had happened so far would hold a valid reason in our long journey. I had to hold onto that hope, because it was all I had.

Maybe that was the reason I felt so much in limbo, knowing that today was the first-time seeing Brittany since her wedding day, and that there was so much left unsaid between us. Surely, we were going to have to have another conversation about this. Brittany had pretty much told me that she only married Sam to get over me, so we had to speak about that. For years we've skirted around this and both suffered from our lack of talking, so surely now we had to put that right. I hadn't heard from Brittany at all over the past few days, and I hadn't attempted to reach out to her either, because I figured we both needed space to think over everything. I knew that she and Sam were headed to Columbus for a mini moon, since there was no point returning to New York in the short time between both weddings. How that was going down, I had no idea, given the recent revelations. I could only hope that when we finally saw each other today, we'd be able to have that talk.

I was excited and nervous to see Brittany, but even in the knowledge of knowing her true feelings towards Sam and I, it was still going to be hard to see them together. I was so happy to have Quinn with me as a plus one, because I needed the support.


As I walked into the bustling church, I noticed that Brittany and Sam were already seated, a few rows in front of where Quinn and I chose to sit. Immediately, the sight of them as a couple, a married couple at that, made my heart twinge uncomfortably. I was so sure the jealous was written all over my face. I watched as Brittany removed her coat, turning around in the process, which caused her to spot me.

She offered a small smile and waved, Sam waving with her, and I waved back sadly. This felt all wrong. I'd never had such an awkward interaction with Brittany before, and suddenly all my previous calmness about today being a good opportunity to speak to Brittany was replaced with rage at seeing Brittany and Sam together.

"I'm so over this and it hasn't even started yet" I rolled my eyes "I mean, who has a wedding on a Friday anyway".

"Loads of people actually" Quinn said nonchalantly, as she applied her lipstick with the handheld mirror she took everywhere "It's apparently a pretty common day to hold one what with Saturday's and Sunday's being so expensive".

She passed the mirror to me and I took it with a sigh.

"I hate weddings. And I hate Valentine's Day, they were invited by breeders to sell cheap chocolate and false hope" I moaned, aware that other wedding guests were frowning at my negativity on what was supposed to be a love filled day on all accounts.

How could I be positive and full of love when I had to watch Brittany with guppy face, sitting right in front of me.

"Do you know what I hate? Men. Every single one of them is a pig" said Quinn "Except maybe him over there, he looks cute".

"Finn Hudson?" I snorted, highly amused she was crushing over him. He so wasn't Quinn's type "I went to school with him. Slept with him once actually too, awful, but I won't put my brain through reliving that".

I shuddered at the thought.

"You know what maybe I do need to stop all this serial dating. Maybe I do let men define me. Well not anymore. Like Gloria Steinem said, a woman without a man, is like a fish without a bicycle".

I laughed and passed the mirror back to Quinn, wondering how long she'd keep her promise for this time.

"Finn Hudson is disgusting by the way" I added playfully.

"Santana, you're a lesbian, therefore your opinion doesn't count".

"Fair play…" I shrugged, just as the wedding march began to play and alerted us all to stand.


As the reception went on, I still hadn't gotten the chance to speak to Brittany, and it was beginning to feel like we'd never get that talk. I could understand if we couldn't have the full conversation here at somebody else's wedding, but I thought she would at least acknowledge it. Or at the very least, acknowledge me. She wasn't even doing that.

I danced with Quinn and Finn, feeling very much like a third wheel between the two of them at this point. Quinn had of course pursued him as soon as the DJ hit play on the first song, and Finn was all over having a gorgeous blonde like Quinn chasing him. When I turned to see Brittany and Sam dancing so happily together, I froze. How could she look so happy with him, when she had told me what she had told me? Maybe she was going to just push all that to the side now, and act like it had never happened, the vow of marriage being too understandably strong for her to entertain anything else. I didn't like seeing it, and I certainly didn't like where my thoughts were heading so I grabbed Quinn and pulled her towards the bar.

"We all should have known that a Valentine's Day wedding was just heading for a disaster. Love stinks!" said Quinn, and I knew her words were completely for my benefit.

"Look at those romantic saps." I scoffed, eyes focused on the dance floor but trying to look everywhere but at Brittany and Sam. "you know they may have love, but you know what we are that they are not?"

"Flawless." Quinn smiled confidently, holding her glass out to clink mine.

We shared a laugh, before Quinn eyed me up and down.

"I have to say Santana, you are killing it in that red dress". she smirked, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think she was flirting with me.

I stared at her and let out the first genuine smile I'd given all day.

"Thanks".


The drink might have felt like it was helping, but it was doing nothing to curb my emotions, and I felt like the looks of pure jealousy that I was shooting over to Brittany must have been clear for all to see at this point. It was all getting too much and I ran frantically towards the bathroom before my emotions could come to the surface. I wanted to splash my face with cold water, but I was at a wedding and I couldn't ruin my makeup, so I settled for breaking down in the cubicle instead.

As my back slammed against the cold door, I lost all composure and felt my face crumple. Why was Brittany avoiding me like this? Our friendship getting weird was always one of the reasons I avoided telling her in the first place. Now I'd finally done it, and it had resulted in just that. Clearly, there was never going to be a right moment, and all my efforts of holding it in felt like a waste.

As I left the safety of the cubicle and walked towards the sinks to give myself a much-needed pep talk in the mirror, I chastised myself for being so naïve to think that I'd come here today and we'd pick the conversation up where we left off.

"Brittany is married now Santana. She's married! Did you really think you were going to come here today, and she'd leave her husband of 6 days and fall willingly in to in your arms? You've said your piece. But you've also lost her. It's time to let it go!" I hissed to myself, grateful that the bathroom was empty, but aware that somebody could walk in at any time now.

I think what hurt the most was the fact that Brittany was just avoiding me in general. Maybe it was silly to assume we could be more than friends now that she had married somebody else. Whatever her reasoning was for doing it, she had taken that vow now, and it was serious. But I at least expected Brittany to talk to me about the situation, instead of leaving me in this hopeless limbo. Now it felt like we were going to struggle to even hold onto a friendship.

Steadying myself as I held onto the sink, I told myself I was going to go back out there and act normal. I couldn't make a scene or let Brittany know how much I was hurting. I would go out there for another hour or so, enjoy the night, and then go back to my hotel room and let it all out.

So, I did just that, doing everything to avoid making eye contact with Brittany or even looking her direction in general, as I drank more wine and laughed a little too hard at people's jokes, busying myself with talking to people from school. When a slow dance song came on, the DJ enthusiastically telling all the couples to head to the dance floor, I froze on the spot. Unsure what to do, I looked around, ready to leave the dance floor and head to the bar instead, until I felt Quinn take me by the hand.

She pulled me in close, my head resting on her shoulder, and together we swayed to the music. I had never felt so grateful for her, than in that moment. Dancing with my best friend far beat the alternative of watching all the couples sadly from the sidelines, especially when one of those couples was Brittany and Sam.

"I've never slow-danced with a girl before" Quinn admitted, and I pulled back to look at her with a curious smile. She had been so flirtatious today, more-so than the usual flirty Quinn, which was only ever usually reserved for men.

"I like it…" she added, with a mischievous glint in her eye, and by now I knew she was flirting with me.

Clouded by the alcohol and the loneliness, I had to admit, it felt kind of good.

When the song ended, Quinn grabbed me by the hand and pulled me back towards the bar for more wine. The shift in tension between us was obvious. I'd never looked at Quinn like that before ever, but anyone with eyes could admit she was attractive.

Bolded by the alcohol, I spoke out. You see I can actually be pretty confident when it comes to something like this, only when it's something I care deeply about, would I be too afraid to speak up in fear of ruining everything.

Not that I didn't care about my friendship with Quinn, of course I did. But it was a different kind of friendship to the one I'd always shared with Brittany. A little harmless flirting wasn't going to hurt anyone.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me, Quinn Fabray."

"Who said anything about trying?" Quinn raised her eyebrows and sipped at her wine coolly. It was obvious why she had so many men falling at her feet the way she did.

"Oh, and what about Finn?" I asked, my tone low.

"Finn's cute but, I'm gonna be 30 next year. And you know how I've always wanted to tick being with a woman off the list. Be good to do it before I'm 30, just saying…" Quinn smirked, eyebrow raised again, as she sauntered off into the distance to mill with the other guests. Typical Quinn. She didn't really know anybody here, yet she oozed confidence and seemed to grab the attention from almost everyone in the room.

I chanced a look at Brittany, she was standing with her back to me talking to Mike, arms wrapped firmly around Sam's torso, while his arm was slung over Brit's shoulder. Sickening.

I looked back to Quinn, several men around her, Finn like a puppy at her feet. I watched as she laughed along with them, then she spotted me staring and flashed me a wink that definitely did something to my insides.

A night spent in my room alone, hoping that Brittany and Sam's room was located nowhere near mine, because hearing them have sex would be the death of me. Or a night with Quinn? The perfect distraction. An attractive woman but the kind of friend who it wouldn't be awkward to sleep with, and someone I knew it would definitely be a one-time thing.

Of course, I was going to choose the latter. And dizzy from all the alcohol and excitement, I laughed along with Quinn as she pulled me to my hotel room, without a care in the world.

There was no talking, we didn't want to ruin the mood, as soon as she had pulled me into the room we collapsed onto the bed in a fit of giggles and began kissing. There was no way we'd be doing this if we weren't both so drunk, I knew that, but we were so I was enjoying it for what it was.

Being that it was Quinn's first time with a woman, I was surprised at how much she took the lead. She kissed me with purpose and want, and for a few minutes I was lost in the moment and enjoying it, but when Quinn reached behind and started tugging at the zipper on my dress, I came to my senses.

What the hell was I doing?

I pulled away, something that's actually quite hard to do when you have someone attached to your lips.

"Quinn, sorry" I breathed, as Quinn's green eyes turned from lust to concern in a heartbeat "Sorry I just…this is all wrong".

Quinn cleared her throat and ran her hands through her hair.

"Damn! I really thought tonight would be the night I could tick it off, now I really am running out of time" Quinn joked, standing up to fix her dishevelled appearance.

"You're not mad, are you?" I asked sheepishly, feeling like I'd really led Quinn on, as I caught her eye in the mirror.

"Of course not! Why would I be mad." Quinn laughed, spinning around to face me "We just got caught up in the moment that's all. And yeah it would have been fun but…don't worry Lopez, I'm not in love with you or anything. I'm sure I'll cope".

I breathed out gratefully and felt the bed dip as Quinn came and sat next to me.

"Are you okay?" she checked; her voice filled with concern.

I sighed longingly.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just hard, you know. Seeing Brittany and Sam together and feeling all this unresolved tension between us. There's so much more that needs to be said, but I'm not sure we'll ever get chance to. And I know that it's my own fault but…it still hurts"

I smiled appreciatively when I felt Quinn squeeze my hand sympathetically.

"Brittany won't be able to avoid you forever. But things are still fresh right now. She probably has a lot to process, before she can talk it through with you".

"I guess so" I shrugged "but it doesn't make things any easier. I just want to know what's going to happen with us. It feels like I'm watching the world's longest movie, and the ending never comes".

"That's because everything you've been through so far hasn't been happy enough for it to be the ending. Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end" Quinn smiled.

"Q, that has to be the cheesiest and most unlike you thing that you've ever said." I laughed "Thanks though" I added gratefully.

"Yeah I kinda read it on Instagram it didn't come from the heart" Quinn laughed back "But I do believe in it, especially where you two are concerned. Now…I don't know about you, but I'm going to touch up my lip-gloss and head back down while the party's still going. Just because you rebuffed me Lopez, doesn't mean I can't still get laid tonight".

Again, I laughed, Quinn always had the ability to make me do that even in my darkest moments.

"You know, I think I'm gonna call it a night" I sighed "Have fun with that though. Can't say I'm not pleased our rooms are on different floors though, because I really wouldn't want to have to hear you" I added jokingly.

"Oh please!" Quinn scoffs "Not five minutes ago you were prepared to be the giver of those noises"

"Quinn please!" I shrieked, covering my ears, the thought of sleeping with Quinn seeming terrible now that I was beginning to sober up "Don't tell me our whole friendship is going to be laced with sexual innuendos now just because we shared a drunken kiss, because I just can't!"

"I'm joking, I'm joking!" Quinn laughed "Right, I'm going before all the attractive ones have left. Text me if you need anything, but if not, I'll see you downstairs in the morning for breakfast?"

"Sounds good to me. Enjoy the rest of your night, but if you want my advice, I'd avoid Finn at all costs"

Quinn rolled her eyes jokingly, and I was glad that there wasn't even a scrap of awkwardness, just our usual light-hearted friendship.

When she left the room, I changed out of my dress and removed my face of all makeup, taking a few long gulps of water in a bid to reduce the hangover I was sure I'd be hit full force with in the morning.

At least I'd at least saved myself from post-sex regret though.

Not 10 minutes later, was there a knock on the door just as I was about to get some sleep, and I rolled my eyes. Quinn must have forgotten something.

"Quinn I already told you that I'm not interested, so go find some other person to bone!" I called out playfully, as I trudged towards the door to let her in.

But as I pulled open the door, I saw that it wasn't Quinn. Just the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen instead, still standing there in her dress and heels, her hair and makeup flawless.

"Brittany…what are you doing here?" I swallowed nervously.

"I'm doing exactly what I should have done 12 years ago. Can I come in please?"


Brittany's POV

Santana looked confused, but she stepped aside to let me in anyway. I watched as she fumbled with her hands, the way she always did when she was nervous. She didn't need to be. She sat on the bed, and I took the chair, not wanting to be too imposing on her space.

"Where's Sam?"

"He's sleeping." I admitted "The two of us called it a night around…20 minutes ago. It's winding down now, the party."

"Oh." Santana nodded, averting her eyes, unsure what to do with herself. I so desperately wanted to calm her. I hoped this news would do just that, after the inevitable initial shocked reaction she would have.

"Sam and I are getting the marriage annulled". I stated matter-of-factly, and I watched as she snapped her neck around to look at me. That got her attention.

"What!?"

"We both knew it wasn't right." I clarified, offering a small smile.

I watched Santana's face, adorably confused, as a thousand questions undoubtedly sprang through her mind.

"But…downstairs. You looked so happy together." she frowned "I've been watching you all night"

Her cheeks reddened at the admission, embarrassed by what she had just said, but I found it all rather touching.

"We didn't want anybody to know or suspect anything yet. We want to give it a few weeks before telling everyone, so that it looks like we've at least given it a try. People already thought we were crazy for getting married in less than 6 weeks. Imagine how they'd find out if they knew we were splitting up in less than 6 days".

I watched as Santana stood up from the bed and paced towards the window and back, clearly trying to process all of this new information I was throwing at her. I waited patiently for her to do this, admiring how beautiful she looked, fresh faced under the soft glow of the moonlight.

"Brit, can you even get an annulment? Don't you need to have reasonable grounds for a court to agree to that?"

"You do. And I've spoken to Denver at length about this, because Sam and I really didn't want to have to wait a year to be able to file for a divorce. I just want this chapter over with, a new start". I explained, and Santana was looking at me quizzically, I could tell the cogs were turning in her head and she was wondering what the reasonable grounds for annulment were.

"If you haven't consummated the marriage, you can file for annulment based on that. In the eyes of the law, the marriage isn't valid until you've done that. And since Sam and I are both in agreement that we haven't consummated it and we have no intention to, Denver reckons it will be a pretty straight-forward case".

Santana's eyes widened in shock.

"You haven't slept with Sam since the wedding?"

I shook my head.

"Not since you told me what you told me. I mean, how could I?" I sighed, before recounting the night in question "That night, when we got to our hotel in Columbia, I broke down and told Sam everything. About my feelings for you, about the letter, about the conversation we had on the rooftop. All of it. I told him that I was really sorry, but that I'd made the wrong choice and I'd rushed into things, and that I wished things could be different and I felt awful for doing it, but I had to be honest with him. I probably could have forced some form of happiness with him, if I never knew that you loved me, but the minute you told me that you did. There was no going back".

I paused for a moment, letting Santana take everything in, before continuing.

"Sam was crushed but…he agreed with me that we'd rushed into things way too much. And he also admitted that he was worried he was never going to find anybody to settle down and have kids with, especially because he's always on the road. So that had driven him to propose so quickly. It was a tough conversation, but by the end of it all, we both just agreed that we'd been insanely stupid and been caught up in the moment and done things way too quickly".

"Then what happened? Did you stay in Colorado together?"

"We stayed in Colorado until last night, because like I said, we didn't want to give anybody reason to doubt. But we only spent one night together in our suite, and Sam kindly offered to sleep on the couch. The next day, I moved and got a separate hotel, and I guess the both of us spent the time doing a lot of thinking. At least nobody knows any different, and they all just think we had this great mini moon. I hate lying to people, you know that but, we both agree that it'll be better breaking the news in a few weeks when everything has died down. Right now, they're all still buzzing from the excitement of the wedding itself, especially Sam's family".

I looked to Santana, and she was biting her lip, looking at her feet. I could tell she was deeply mulling over everything, and I got it. It was a lot to take in.

"It's a mess San, I know but…that's what you get for doing things without thinking them through properly".

"You're actually strangely calm about all this" said Santana.

"I know, but I've had a lot of time to think about things. This is far from the ideal situation. Who wants to get married and then decide on their wedding night they're either going to get divorced or get it annulled? I feel like my choices have hurt people, and they're probably going to hurt people again when Sam and I tell them about the annulment but, what else can I do? These are the consequences of my own actions; I've just got to do what I can now to make it right again".

Santana nodded her understanding.

"Plus, how can I be so angry and upset, when the outcome of all this was you revealing your feelings to me. Do you realise how long I've waited for you to say that? The months ahead might not be so easy, Sam and I are going to have to go to court and then there's all the stuff with our families. But Santana, I'd suffer it all, just for the tiny chance of being with you. Of hearing you say what you said the other night".

Santana's eyes fogged over, and as she blinked, tiny glass-like tears fell from her cheeks. I'd planned for every single question Santana was going to ask when I came here. Where Sam was, whether the annulment was going to be allowed, and now I needed to answer another question I knew she would want to ask but hadn't yet.

"And I know what you're thinking…that I've been avoiding you all day, and I have. But not because I didn't want to talk to you about everything and have that conversation we've been needing to have for years. Just because Sam and I needed to put on a front, and I knew that if I even went to speak to you for a second, I wouldn't be able to hold it together and keep it up. So, I always planned to come here at the end of the night and talk to you then. Sam knows I'm here by the way. Things are obviously over for us, but I respect him a lot, so I wanted to be upfront with him about what's going on".

"And…what exactly is going on?" Santana asked nervously.

I smiled. I had planned for that question too.

"I had a dream last night" I began, standing up to walk over to where Santana was, and Santana looked at me puzzled, then laughed. I know she was probably thinking, trust you to bring up your weird dreams at a time like this, but she should also know that there's always a method to my madness.

"What inanimate object were you this time? Let me guess, you were…a clip on a seatbelt? Or you had this wedding in mind, and you were a champagne cork? A garter, or a bouquet of flowers?"

I let out a breathy laugh, before turning serious, inching towards her so that we were facing each other closely.

"No, actually." I began, nervously. Knowing this was the moment. It had to come out just right.

"Actually, I was me, and you were you" I continued "Standing there, where you are right now…perfect".

I watched as Santana broke out into a smile, more tears adorned her beautiful face.

"And then I took you in my arms…like this" I smiled, placing my arms around Santana's waist causing her to giggle nervously, as she placed her own arms around my neck, our faces impossibly close together.

"And then I said, Santana Lopez…can I take you to the prom?" I whispered, my eyes boring into Santana's, watching her pupils dilate and her face break out into a smile.

"Better late than never" Santana whispered, and she laughed adorably through her tears, and I hadn't even realised the gravity of my own emotions until I felt my own cheeks wet. Her laugh, my favourite sound, ringing in my ears, caused me to laugh too.

She closed the gap between us and rested her forehead on mine, and I watched her squeeze her eyes tight shut, feeling the intensity of the emotions around her. And as she opened her eyes once more, looking at me through thick lashes, I slowly inched in the way I'd done so many times before, only this time there would be no pulling away.

My nose brushed against her lip, then her nose, before finally; our lips met.

I could feel her smiling into the kiss, and my heart was doing flips. Her lips so soft and supple, her hand placed delicately on the side of my face, whilst I held her by the waist, trying to pull her into me as much as possible because now that I had her, I wanted her as close as possible to me.

She pulled back slightly and laughed nervously in a way that sent my heart crazy, and rested her nose against mine, just staring. I could tell the same thoughts were running through her head that were running through mine. We were here at last.

She smiled at me, before closing her eyes again and pulling me back in.

This time the kiss was more passionate, and she threw her hands around my neck, whilst I brought my hand to her face, softly caressing her cheek with my thumb.

I don't know how long we kissed like that for, or how many times we pulled away only to be magnetically drawn back in again, but when we finally did pull away, I couldn't help the involuntary exclamation that came out of my mouth.

"Wow…"

"I know right?" Santana giggled, and she sat back on the bed, pulling me with her as our hands were still interlocked.

For a moment we just stared, both of us in sweet disbelief that this, although still relatively unspoken about, was finally happening.

I reached out to caress her cheek again, almost as if to check she was real, that this wasn't just a figment of my imagination that I had conjured up many times.

"Can I read you something?" I asked gently.

Santana nodded; eyes wide with anticipation as she wondered what I was about to do. I reluctantly tore myself away from her embrace and went over to my purse to retrieve the piece of paper that I had searched high and low for last night at my mom's house, in my old childhood bedroom. When I found it, I quickly went back to sit on the bed, where Santana was waiting for me.

"I wrote this for you the day after your 18th birthday. I planned to give you it when I came around but then, well you know…" I rambled, not wanting to ruin the moment by bringing up the forgotten kiss "But I always kept it, just in case you ever did change your mind. And it might have been a long 12 years, but my feelings remain the same, if not stronger. So…here goes" I breathed, before beginning to read.

"Santana…since knowing you, you have made my life more complete, more alive and more colourful. You have shown me the true meaning of happiness. There hasn't been a single day that you haven't made me smile, and I hope you can say the same for me, because your smile lights up my world. You're genuinely the most beautiful human inside and out, with the biggest heart, and I love you beyond words." My voice cracked with emotion as I said that, added with the intensity of Santana's gaze, and she instinctively reached out to take one of my hands, a mixture of wanting to be close to me and offering comfort so I could finish reading the letter.

"I've loved watching you grow and flourish from a 5-year-old fearless child, to the amazing 18-year-old woman you are today. I'd love nothing more, than to stand by your side forever and do life with you. Whether that be in New York, or Lima, or someplace else. So Sanny, will you make me the happiest girl in the world and be my girlfriend?"

As I finished reading, I noticed how much Santana was crying and I gently squeezed her hands to comfort her.

"I can't believe you wrote me that, and I never knew. I can't believe you felt like that for all this time and managed to keep it locked away inside" she shook her head in sadness, gently thumbing Brittany's hands.

"I just…I never told you because I really thought you didn't feel the same way. I mean, for ages I even thought you were straight. And I watched you date all the wrong guys, knowing that I could treat you so much better than they ever did, but there was no way I could ever bring the feelings up again and face rejection. Even after that weird peck we had at Taylor Swift. I was so sure you felt something that night but…I never dared to bring it up after everything that happened after your 18th. Did you feel something that night?" I asked curiously. Ever since Santana had confessed her love to me, I had been raking over every single memory, trying to uncover if there were any clues I didn't see.

Santana nodded.

"I definitely felt something. Like a weird energy between us. But Brit, I was so clueless back then about my feelings that I wrote it off as like…I don't know, concert euphoria" she laughed "the moment I did realise I was in love with you, it hit me full force, but for years I was honestly oblivious".

"I remember when you came out. I was so proud of you, but so shocked at the same time. I really didn't expect it, and I honestly thought for a minute that you were going to tell me you were in love with me. But then you mentioned Dani and, well…I guess that hurt more than I ever thought it would. Even though I was with Denver, I never really got over you".

"Brit, I'm so sorry, If I'd have known…"

"Shh" I soothed her gently, cupping her face to rid the panic from her eyes "It's not your fault Santana. You never knew how I felt, that's the whole point of everything right now. We both miscommunicated everything badly, but we're here now. Doing something about it".

Santana sniffed and nodded, emotions inevitably running high.

"I nearly told you once" I admitted.

"When?" Santana said, her brow creasing.

"The day I lost Poppy. It was the early hours of the morning, and we both had a pretty restless night, do you remember?"

I was surprised when Santana nodded, I had only remembered it myself because of the significance of the day, since just a few hours later I'd gone to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding.

"You'd had an argument with Dani, and you'd accidentally told her about Denver's cheating and my pregnancy. You couldn't sleep because you were worried about how I'd react. I just remember holding you and willing you to sleep peacefully instead of worrying all the time and thinking about everything I wanted to tell you. I'd been so happy in that little bubble we had going on. Me back in Lima and living with you, you looking after me during my pregnancy, Mila in my life every day. It all just felt…perfect. And all I wanted to do was tell you all about the moment where I first fell in love with you, even though it was the middle of the night".

"When was that moment?" Santana asked curiously, the thought clearly occurring to her that she never even knew about the time i'd realised I was in love with her.

"It's so random, you probably won't even remember it, but obviously it's significant to me. We were 16, and you were working in that yoghurt shop. We ended up having a bit of a food fight, and I just remember looking at you in that teal shirt, covered in yoghurt, the two of us hysterically laughing. You had it on the end of the nose, and you just looked adorable. And I just thought…wow. I am so ridiculously in love with this girl. I kind of tried to push it away until we kissed, but I know in my heart that was the moment I realised I loved you. I probably loved you before that. I've probably loved you forever. But that was the moment I knew, and it's special to me".

Santana smiled deeply at the memory, her face flushing.

"I never knew that".

"Well you do now" I said softly.

"It's funny because, that night you're referring to, I was worried about you being mad at me for telling Dani everything. But I was also worried about something else".

"Oh, what was that?" I asked tenderly, my hands still clasping on tight to Santana's.

"She accused me of having feelings for you, and to be honest Brit, it scared me so much. I'd never thought about it before, and it made me reanalyse everything about our relationship. We had such a strong, beautiful and reliable friendship, I didn't want anything getting in the way of that, and I was so scared that this would. It's the reason why I put off telling you so many times".

"Is that when you realised you were in love with me?".

Santana shook her head, and I looked at her to continue.

"It wasn't the moment I realised, no. But I almost certainly did love you then. I think I probably loved you always. Since the day I met you. But I just didn't know that what we had was love, until it literally hit me like a truck. I remember it wasn't long after you lost Poppy. You'd been so strong and brave throughout the whole thing, and I just had so much admiration for you, and an overriding need to protect you forever. One night, I walked into Mila's room because I heard her cry out. She was having a nightmare. When I got there, I saw that you'd already got there first. You didn't see me, you both had your backs turned to me, but I watched you comforting Meels, and I just had this sudden realisation that you felt like home to me. That I was in love with you, and…I always had been".

"How come you never told me, when you did know?" I asked softly, wiping the tears from my eyes at the rawness of Santana's words. I wasn't mad that Santana hadn't told me, because I completely understood how scary it was to make yourself vulnerable like that, and risk ruining the best thing you ever had, but I was curious as to why.

"Well I didn't at first because you were recently grieving. I didn't want to tell you at a time where you were vulnerable, and take advantage of that you know? I stayed with Dani, but then she ended up proposing, and the night that I said no and ended things was the night I knew I had to tell you. Remember the next day, I took you to Faurot Park?"

I nodded, the scene was still burned in my mind, and I smiled at the thought of it. Santana really had gone all out that day.

"Well…that was when I was going to tell you".

I gasped audibly, because I remembered so well how she had told me she had something to tell me, but I had gone first with the news that I was going on the worldwide tour with Aladdin. That really did hurt my heart. She had gone to all that effort, and my big mouth had ruined it.

"Is that why…is that why you didn't tell me? Because I told you I was going away?"

Santana nodded sadly.

"I didn't want to ruin an opportunity for you, and I knew that if there was even a chance you felt the same, you wouldn't go. And Brit, you know how strongly I feel about you chasing your dreams, and me not wanting to hold you back. We've been there before".

The sadness in Santana's eyes was unbearable. How could she ever think she was holding me back from a dream, when she was my dream. She never would have held me back. Not when she covered up her pregnancy to stop me from dropping out on New York, and not if she'd told me about her feelings at Faurot Park and stopped me accepting the job.

"You know, the only reason I took that job, is because Dani warned me for interfering with your relationship. I said no to the job at first, because I was so happy being back in Lima, but then she said that, and I guess I didn't want to step on any toes, so I called Chris and I changed my mind…" I admitted, deciding if we were being honest, we may as well get everything out.

I saw the rage take over Santana's face instantly.

"She did what!?"

She pulled her hands from mine and went to stand up, but I stopped her, placing my hands on her arms and stroking her lightly knowing this would calm her.

"Babe, stay calm. This is years ago. The important thing is that we're here now" I soothed, and I kept the stroking motions up until I felt Santana relax. When I was satisfied, she was feeling calmer, I reached down to take her hands again.

"I guess I started dicking about with Dani once you were gone, just to try and fill the void you'd left in my heart when you went. It didn't work of course, but the plan was always to tell you how I felt when you came back." Santana said, and she gently reached out to smooth my furrowed brow, before continuing. "And then the custody battle happened with Puck and I was all caught up in that, and then you said you were going away again, and it just felt like as always we were on different pages. So that's when I decided to make a go of things properly with Dani again…"

I bit my lip in an attempt to suppress the sobs, but it didn't work. Santana grabbed onto my arms worriedly, her face etched with concern as she silently urged me to open up.

"It's just…we seem to have had all these moments where one of us have come close to telling the other, and then some obstacle has gotten in the way. It just feels like we've been cheated San. We could have been happy years ago, but instead, all we've had is pain".

Santana took me into her arms and rocked me gently as I cried, softly shushing my cries with sweet words.

"I know, I've been over this in my head so many times Brit, I really have. And it seems unfair to think that if I had just remembered that kiss, we could have been together at 18."

My heart stung at that. We could have been celebrating almost 12 years together right now. We could have been married with children, everything. Santana pulled apart to look at me.

"But then I remember, if that would have happened, we wouldn't have Moo".

I nodded my understanding, because Santana was right. I couldn't imagine my world without that little girl, and if Santana hadn't gone to prom with Puck that night, Mila wouldn't be here.

"And I think that's the same for everything." Santana continued "I really do think that, everything happens for a reason. There's obviously a reason why we've taken so long to talk about all this. There's probably so many alternate universes with different versions of us getting together years ago. But who's to say they're still together now? Nobody has the perfect life, so there's no way all these alternate versions of us are living happily ever after, while we've had all this misery. Maybe they're broken up or unhappy, or they've cheated on each other. Maybe one of them has lost the other in an even worse way. But we've had so much pain to get here Brit, that I can only imagine that the end to our story is one filled with pure happiness. And I always knew that the moment we'd finally tell each other, would be the right time for us to be able to have that happy ending. I'd rather have it this way and be happy with you forever, than have us get together prematurely and for everything to go wrong because the timing wasn't right. Does that make sense?"

I nodded through my tears, my beloved Santana's spiritual ways were always so beautiful and meaningful to me, even if I wasn't sure where I stood on all that.

"Time is so funny, it's…mystical almost. You never know what lies ahead of you, and how things are going to change for you over the years. You think you're going down one road, and then time will come along and change all that. And on so many occasions, it's played with us. It's cut us open, then it's healed us back up, only to cut us back open again. But through all of that, one single thread of gold, tied me to you."

Santana had told me years ago about this invisible string she believed tied us together, and I was beginning to think she was right.

And as I thought about all the blues that time had brought me, that were now finally emerging to purple pink skies of complete and utter happiness, Santana summed it up for the both of us in one simple sentence.

"The journey was hell. But it brought me heaven"

And she moved into claim my lips in a way that made me feel like I actually was in heaven. I felt so dizzy from the kiss, like I was seeing white, and I had to close my eyes. I tugged at Santana desperately, and I could feel her own tears mingling with my own. I felt her tongue slip against mine, but there was nothing sexy about this kiss, just raw, prolonged emotion.

When we pulled away, my face reflecting the happiness I saw in Santana's own eyes, I tried to steady my ragged breathing. On seeing Santana look so bashfully mesmerised, as she shook her head in disbelief at what was happening between us, I knew the chances of me containing my breathing were minimal.

"Do you think you'll actually remember that kiss in the morning, this time?" I nudged her playfully.

Santana pursed her lips thoughtfully.

"Hmmm…I'm not sure actually. Maybe you'll have to give me another one so that I can be sure" she smirked, slight raise of her brow, and she didn't even need to ask twice as I leaned in again, our faces fitting perfectly together as if they were always meant to be.

I can't believe I ever worried that things would be awkward between us. Kissing Santana, felt like the most natural thing in the world.


After I had changed into my pyjamas that I had brought in from my own room, just heavily assuming I'd be staying in here after our conversation. Not for any other reason than the fact it was awkward to stay in a room with Sam, especially when it involved sharing a bed. The night had been far too emotion filled to do anything but cuddle, and I knew that would be the case.

We lay back on the bed, in our little happiness bubble, Santana resting on my chest in a way we had done many times platonically. Only now it carried so much more meaning.

"I wanted to ask you something?" I asked carefully, my arms running soothing patterns up and down Santana's arm.

"Hmm?" she said softly, and I couldn't tell if she was sleepy or just wrapped in a happy relaxed bliss.

"Sam and I had a honeymoon booked to Hawaii. Obviously, we're not going anymore. He's going to go to LA instead, do some soul searching he said. I was planning on just holing myself up in my apartment back in New York, since everybody needs to think we're on honeymoon still, and it suits me to just have 2 weeks off work watching Netflix. But then Sam suggested it would be a shame to let it go to waste, and it was actually his idea that if you can get the time off work…you and I could go together?"

Santana moved so she was sitting up more to look at me.

"When is it booked for?"

"Not until Monday, so it gives us a couple of days to sort things out, and we'd be back on the 2nd in time for Mila's birthday. You don't have to say yes, it's just an idea, and I thought since we've got so much talking to do it would be great for us just to have 2 weeks uninterrupted and alone to connect and talk and explore everything…" I could feel myself rambling and Santana soon put her finger on my lips with an adorable smile.

"Brit, I would love to come!"

"Really?"

"Of course, really! I'll need to sort everything in the morning, obviously with work and having someone look after Mila. But if all is okay then I think it would be great for us".

I burst out into a smile, the thought of 2 weeks alone in the sun with Santana, making the steps towards happiness at last, was a thought that made my insides warm.

And as Santana settled contentedly back onto my chest, I felt the need to verbalise the words that clearly didn't need to be said because they were so heavily implied, but that had been suppressed for so long that I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

"I love you, Santana Lopez".

I looked down and watched Santana's eyes light up, a small smile forming on her face at my words, as she reached out for my hand and pressed a light kiss against my fingers.

"I love you too, Brittany Pierce".


That's the end of the daily updates for now, but I'll always aim to update weekly at least, and if I can get updates up quicker than that I always will. Hopefully you'll find this chapter leaves you in a good place until the next one though.

Until then, thank you for your comments and patience!

Brittana is on, and it was always on :)