The crowd was huge. Anxiety shot through me as we stepped inside the banquet hall, suddenly surrounded by packs of men in decorated uniforms.
So much for not being nervous.
The men held wine glasses and talked with their free hands. Many of them flaunted mustaches, monocles, gray hair, or all three. It reminded me of the Strategic HQ.
"These people are all of really high status, aren't they?" I whispered to Tanya.
She walked with her back straight and hands folded behind her, looking ahead. "Well, I'm of high status now, aren't I?"
I smiled. She cracked a small grin.
A man in a black tailcoat approached us, holding up a platter with his white-gloved hand. "Good evening, would you like some wine? It's our finest Chardonnay."
I looked at Tanya. She shook her head. "Thank you very much, but we'll pass for now."
He gave us a nod and headed dutifully away.
My shoulders sagged with disappointment. "Tanya, don't you want to try it? Everyone's holding a glass."
She shook her head. "It's not legal for us to drink, Lillia. Imagine how that would look."
"Oh. Yeah, you're right," I sighed.
Tanya was quiet for a second. "Here, follow me."
We made our way over to a buffet table, complete with fruits, vegetables, crackers, cheese, and bowls of fruity-looking drinks. Tanya grabbed a ladle and poured some punch into a beautifully ornate glass. Then she held it out to me. "Just try not to spill this on your dress uniform."
"Hey, I'm coordinated enough to catch falling people in an airplane," I said, taking it from her carefully. "I think I can handle holding a cup."
"Alright, well, that's also coming from the girl who's destroyed both of her airplanes," she snickered.
"Neither of those were my fault and you know it." We both began to laugh.
Suddenly, a large hand appeared on Tanya's shoulder. We both looked up to see a man with one of the many large mustaches I'd already spotted around. I wasn't sure who he was, but he looked like a big deal, judging from the amount of pins and badges he wore.
"Ah, Major Degurechaff! I was hoping to find you. I just wanted to tell you in person how good of a job you've done with the rapid response battalion."
She smiled politely. "Oh, Brigadier General Rudersdorf. That's very kind of you, sir. Thank you."
Next to General Rudersdorf stood a thinner man with snow-white hair. He folded his hands behind his back and said, "We decided you were deserving of a promotion after that amazing victory last week. We have you to thank, more than anyone, for this monumental truce."
Tanya's smile didn't waver. "Brigadier General Zettour, you're too kind, sir. I'm more grateful than anything for the leadership of both of you, and your unwavering support for the battalion. Speaking of..."
I felt her hand land on the center of my back. Oh no. Was I going to have to talk? I wasn't prepared for this. My heart began to pound like a jackhammer.
"This is Second Lieutenant Meyer. The 203rd's personal combat medic."
Zettour raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yes. We've heard plenty about Lieutenant Meyer."
I didn't notice Rudersdorf was holding a cigar until he brought it to his lips. He gave a quiet chuckle, then blew the smoke out. "Yes, the pilot. I'll admit, I didn't believe in the idea at first. I thought having a plane around would ruin the 'rapid response' aspect of the battalion."
"I was able to convince him to give it a try," Zettour said proudly. "You see, Lieutenant Colonel Rerugen had pitched it to us. And he never pitches ideas that he doesn't believe in. We knew we could always remove it from the equation if it didn't work, anyway. Meyer isn't a mage, so it's not a significant loss if she isn't placed elsewhere."
Well, that was a mildly abrasive comment about my worth. But Tanya didn't seem to bat an eye to it. Not on the surface, at least. She continued to smile. I began to realize it was more like a poker face than anything.
"I'm thankful you made the decision to put her with me," Tanya said. "She's been a great help both on and off the battlefield. She saved one of my men from certain death last week in the war zone."
Rudersdorf and Zettour exchanged pleased glances. "Well, that's validating to hear," Zettour said. "I'm glad we made the right decision. Good work like that doesn't go unnoticed for long, Lieutenant Meyer."
I gave them the most 'I'm not scared of you, I swear' smile that I could. "Thank you very much, sir."
-XXX-
When it was time for the ceremony to begin, I realized I hadn't mentally prepared myself to do something in front of so many people - especially something that I could easily mess up.
Tanya walked onto the stage with a few other prominent leaders from the battle. Lieutenant Ruger stood at her right.
While Brigadier General Zettour gave an opening speech, I was given my instructions by a bald man holding a small velvet box.
"Okay, so all you're going to do is walk onto the stage - slowly - and present her with this pin." He held up the box. "You put it right here." He pointed to a spot on his left side, about halfway down the front of his uniform. "It's really simple. You should have no problem with it. Oh, and don't forget to shake her hand afterward."
"Okay, walk slowly, pin goes here-" I pointed to the same spot on my uniform - "And shake her hand."
He nodded. "Okay, yep. I think you've got this all figured out. Just take a deep breath and you'll be fine."
I took a slow one in, then a long one out. No worries. I won't mess this up. It'll be easy. Walk, pin, hug - or, hand. Yes, hand. Walk, put pin on uniform, shake hand. How hard could it be?
My ears tuned back in to Zettour's voice just in time. "...And Major Degurechaff - the prestigious soldier that she is - has been granted the new title of Lieutenant Colonel Degurechaff." The crowd of men in uniforms clapped politely. "She's come a long way with her rapid response battalion. She deserves this promotion wholly, if I may say so. To honor her new position, she is being presented with the following symbol of honor and prestige."
"Go ahead," the man beside me whispered. He held out the box and opened it for me.
The pin was simpler than I had imagined. It was a black iron cross, outlined in white. It looked a lot like the one Lieutenant Colonel Rerugen wore.
I picked it up carefully and turned toward the steps that led to the stage. My hands shook, just thinking about how many people were watching me.
Get yourself together, Lillia. You've been in life or death situations. This should be nothing.
Just as I was starting to gain some confidence, my black dress shoe caught on the last stair and I went lurching forward before catching myself. My face heated up and I glanced out at the crowd, but everyone seemed to be standing in polite silence. No reaction. I looked to Tanya next, but she just watched me with her poker smile.
I continued onward, and when I finally reached her I raised the pin up to her uniform jacket. A sudden wave of nostalgia washed over me.
My mind was flooded with memories of the first few days I knew Tanya. Of when I used to raise the Elenium Type 95 prototype slowly to her neck, savoring the moment.
I had been overwhelmed with infatuation back then! And now, we were changed people, but the rapid thump of my heart remained. The way my chest swelled with giddy anxiety as I approached her body remained. The way I thought of her as something different than me - something on an entirely different level, some sort of goddess beyond my true reach - that inexplicably remained as well.
Oh, how I cherished her.
I punctured the pin carefully through the fabric, secured it in place, felt her body heat against my hands. The room was silent enough to hear her breath. An urge to do something crazy washed over me.
As I stood up straight, her polite smile widened. Her arm began to raise for a handshake, but I leaned forward. Tanya's eyes widened. Her smile wavered. A look of horror was coming to the surface.
I wrapped my arms around her in an embrace. Her body stiffened for a second, then she hugged me back. A mixture of laughter and "aw"s came from the crowd as she gave me a hard pat on the back and we pulled away.
Her polite smile returned, albeit stiffer, and she looked to the crowd. "I owe a lot of my sanity to Lieutenant Meyer. She's been an excellent subordinate on the battlefield, her medical skills have been there for me and the battalion in our darkest moments, and her passion for serving her country is unwavering. I'd like to thank her, along with Brigadier General Zettour and Brigadier General Rudersdorf, for allowing me to run the battalion that's brought me and our fatherland so much success."
A large bout of clapping ensued. I looked over at Tanya, and was relieved to find her looking more relaxed.
After the pinning, a photo of me and Tanya was taken. Rumors floated around that the results of this photoshoot would be making it into the national newspaper. I was released to head back into the crowd before Tanya, who was required for a few more pictures of her with the other award recipients.
I wasn't really sure what to do on my own, so I headed back to the table where Tanya had poured me a glass of punch earlier, hoping I could just lay low until she came back.
I was just setting the ladle back into the bowl when I heard a familiar low voice behind me. A voice that was breathy, almost exasperated.
"So, things went well with Major Degurechaff after all."
I turned to see Lieutenant Colonel Rerugen. He was holding a near-empty glass of wine in his hand, pushing his wire-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"Oh, good evening, Lieutenant Colonel, sir." I was still recovering from the adrenaline of the stage experience and photoshoot, so it took me a moment to register what he'd asked me. "Yes, I really like being her subordinate. She's an amazing leader."
He cocked an eyebrow. "She isn't too harsh?"
My immediate urge was to say no, but I decided to think about it.
"Harsh...?"
Suddenly my mind was filled with the time she first hit me with her rifle. Then the second time - then her foot against my chest, her rifle up on her shoulder, staring me down through the sights. The bayonet so close to my face. The remark about executing me for disobedience.
I hadn't realized how far away I'd tucked those memories. Now that they were all running through my mind at once, I felt a little sick.
His frown deepened. "Are you alright?"
"I, uhm, yes. Sorry about that. I'm a little tired today."
He didn't pretend to believe that excuse. "You look pale. Have I reminded you of something you meant to forget?"
Rerugen's bluntness was getting on my nerves. Maybe the wine was bolstering his confidence. He seemed determined to dig up some dirt on Tanya through me.
"No, no. I'm quite alright!" I looked down at the glass in my hand. "I think it goes without saying that Major Degurechaff is a harsh leader. That's her teaching style. But it's necessary sometimes. When people step out of line, she puts them back in their place. It keeps us all accountable for our actions, which is important when we deal with life-or-death situations."
I looked back up to gauge Rerugen's reaction. That one eyebrow remained arched. "Well, I suppose that makes sense. She does seem to think highly of you, and you're clearly good friends." He raised the wine glass to his lips, and before drinking the last sip of wine, muttered, "considering the break of protocol and all."
He must have been talking about the hug.
I'll admit, that pissed me off. "Yes. We are good friends. I think very highly of her as well. She's an extremely respectable person when you get to know her."
Rerugen nodded slowly as he lowered the glass. "If I may speak openly with you, Meyer, I want to revisit the conversation we had last time we spoke. When you asked me if you could be put on the 203rd battalion."
I waited for him to continue.
"I told you that Tanya Degurechaff wasn't who you thought she was. That she wasn't going to treat you with respect once you weren't merely friends. That she was a wolf in sheep's clothing."
I swallowed my spit and nodded. "I remember that."
"I'd like for you to be honest with me - off the record. Did you ever find any truth in those words?"
Pain in my chest for weeks, the horrible ache of my head. Bruises. So many bruises.
Part of me thought back to the love I felt when I put the pin on her chest less than an hour ago. The passion I felt when I first set the Elenium Type 95 around her neck. The sweet smell of her hair, her eyes the color of a clear sky, the way she used to whisper in my ear when we were alone at night.
But part of me - some part I'd been pushing away before now - wanted to turn to Rerugen and scream, "YES! IT'S TRUE! HELP ME!"
My palms were becoming clammy in my fists. A wave of nausea passed over me.
"You look like you're going to be sick," Rerugen said. But he didn't offer to help. He wanted his answer.
I looked up at him, swallowed my spit, and shook my head. "No, sir. With all due respect, I found no truth in those words."
What I said didn't matter. We both knew what the answer was.
Satisfied, he set his wine glass down, walked to the other end of the table, and ladled some water into a cup. He returned and held it out to me.
I took it from him slowly. "Thank you. I'm feeling a little feverish tonight - I must've caught a bug. I should retire early."
"Yes, perhaps," he agreed. "Please don't overwork yourself." But I knew he wasn't fooled.
I had no idea why those memories had inspired such a visceral response. I hadn't been too affected by them up to this point. Maybe it was because the war was finally over, and I hadn't had time to deal with them before?
"Listen, Lieutenant Meyer," Rerugen said, jolting me from my thoughts. "If you'd ever like to speak to me in the future, just pay a visit to the Strategic HQ like you did the first time. I'll make time for you."
I took in a breath, then released it slowly. "Sir... What is it you want from me?"
His next words were quiet. "The truth. I know that Tanya Von Degurechaff isn't the selfless patriot that everyone thinks she is. And I think you understand her true nature as well as I do."
I shook my head. "Thank you for the offer, sir, but I do understand her true nature. She's not a wolf in sheep's clothing. She has her harsh moments, but she's the best friend I've ever had, and I wouldn't wish to have worked under anyone else."
Rerugen opened his mouth to say something else, but stopped and looked over his shoulder. I caught a glimpse of Tanya's curly blond hair heading through the crowd toward us. "I'll be going. Just know that the offer to speak with me remains open."
I nodded. "Understood. Thank you, sir."
He nodded and disappeared into the crowd.
A few seconds later, Tanya reached me. "I thought those pictures were never going to end. The photographer kept calling for 'just one more shot.'" She gave a sigh. "Was that Lieutenant Colonel Rerugen speaking with you?"
I nodded.
She picked up the punch ladle and began to pour herself a glass. "What did you talk about?"
I shook my head. "He was just asking me how I enjoyed the battalion...questions like that."
"You looked really uncomfortable," she scoffed. "You're such an anxious person, Lillia."
"I guess so..." I laughed breathily. "It's been a long night."
