I could hear more fighting but less shouting and after that, the back door shut closed so hard I thought it was going to fly straight off its hinges. My heart jumped and I picked up the clothes I'd shed haphazardly onto the floor the night before. I felt ashamed for trusting a man that wasn't ready for commitment. I started to feel things I should never have felt in the first place and now it was clear to me. Edward Cullen was not ready to have a caring, non-toxic and healthy relationship, so I had to quit romanticizing whatever it was that was building between us. At the moment, it felt like nothing more than a one-night stand, as far as I was concerned, and I wasn't going to let this handsome man ruin me or my heart. It occurred to me that I'd just barely gotten out of my long-term nightmare of a relationship with Mike and that there was no way in hell that I was going to jump into a new one; no matter how great last night was. No matter how much I liked Edward. I, too, wasn't ready. That much I knew for certain.
As I pulled my T-shirt over my head, the bedroom door swung open, the handle bumping against the wall, hard.
"I'm guessing you woke up to the show Irina was putting on. I'm sorry for that."
Edward was all confident, putting on a show himself as he acted like he didn't care. I knew he cared, I just did. Even though I didn't know him that well.
"No worries, I was sleeping in far too late anyway."
My exterior was cold, but my insides were churning. I probably should be grateful for witnessing this fight between Edward and Irina, as it was a well-needed wake-up call for me.
"I made a mistake." I shook my head and gazed at the floor, not quite knowing how to act.
"What do you mean?" he asked, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, making them ride lower on his hips. There was no boxer trim insight.
I averted my eyes, but he'd caught me ogling his crotch anyway.
"B, what's wrong?"
I could feel tears starting to burn in my eyes, but I wasn't about to let them spill out. I had to be strong, for my sake even though the beautiful man in front of me gave me the butterflies. I couldn't let myself get distracted by my attraction to him. For once I needed to use my common sense and not my badly injured heart.
I took a deep breath before I spoke, collecting myself and storing the sadness away for when I was alone later, and shrugged; acting indifferent.
"You know, last night was great and all. And I'm so thankful to you for letting me stay here the past couple of days. But my mom and Sue are actually grabbing my stuff now, and they're expecting me back at their house later," I said, telling him a small, white lie. Honestly, it didn't even classify as a white lie seeing as mom and Sue were going to do what I said just a little later today anyway. There was no way Edward would ever find out. It just gave me an excuse to escape this Edward-filled house and get my thoughts straight.
"So, if you're so thankful, what's the mistake?" he asked, stepping closer to me.
I forced myself to look at him and reminded myself not to let my hormones get the better of me. He looked like I'd just punched him in the gut.
"Well," I started.
"It gave me a chance to escape, to run from my life, and to dream of a life that I will never have. I was just reminded that I need to get my ducks in a row and that I can't hide anymore. I need to go, Edward. I have to go deal with Mike and with the fact that I'll have to start all over again." I sighed, gripping the handles of my duffle bag in my hands.
"Oh, I see."
Gone was the sweet Edward I had grown to like so much that just the thought of him my heart beat a little faster. He'd put up his distant, cold facade.
"I'm glad I could help, Bella."
It was the first time he'd used my full name. I knew that he was angry with me.
"Just so you know, what you call starting over is perfectly normal to someone your age. You are so young and you have your entire future ahead of you. Life is filled with heartbreak and change of lovers. You have to learn to love yourself before you can go and share your life with someone. Try not to be so upset. Instead, maybe be glad that you're getting rid of Mike. He wasn't the one for you anyway. He doesn't know you, doesn't care and would never have given you what you needed," he said, his voice harsh.
"Well, to you it might seem like just a snippet of my life, but I never thought I'd be here in the first place. I never thought my life would be such a fucking failure. And yeah, I may be young but that doesn't give you the right to lecture me like you're my fucking father," I spat, gathering my things.
I shouldn't have said that.
I really shouldn't have, because I knew those words would hit a nerve.
"Then maybe you should go, Bella."
Just like that, he walked out of the bedroom and left me alone. Edward Cullen would never chase me, he just wasn't the type. After all, I was the one pushing him away. Why would he even bother to fight it?
