"My mind spins around
Catch it before it slips off the edge
And I'm found by the roadside
Day in and day out, pleading to strangers for help
Don't try to pull this stunt right now
Cause it won't ease my grief
You can save me it's alright…"
Anaiis – "Vanishing"
Erik drove into the circular driveway of the La Jolla home he owned.
Paramedics were already there about to bust down the front door. He waved to them.
"I called! I have the key!"
Entering the home quickly, Erik screamed for Calista as he ran toward the stairs.
"She's in here!" an EMT shouted.
They found her on the kitchen floor with her cell phone near her head.
Unconscious.
Erik threw his hands on top of his head as he stood back to let the two EMTs work on her. A closed bottle of pills sat on the kitchen counter next to a nearly empty glass of white wine.
"Not getting anything…." One EMT whispered to the other.
Their CPR was intense and Erik could feel his spirit sliding out of his body. All he could think about was Deuce and Marina.
"Got it!"
"She's faint. Let's go!"
They lifted her onto a stretcher and placed a big valve breathing mask over her face. A little bit of color returned to her cheeks. Erik snatched Calista's pill bottle and cell phone from the floor. He handed the pills to an EMT when they placed her inside the ambulance. He tucked her phone in his jacket pocket next to his own.
"I'm her ex-husband, can I ride with you?" he asked.
He climbed in the back of the ambulance and sat across from her, watching the EMT check her vitals as he kept her breathing. The ride to the Scripps Memorial Hospital was quick and Erik followed her stretcher into the emergency lobby where he gave all the information he could to a nurse.
Sitting alone in an empty waiting room, he pulled out his cell and tried to call Calista's parents. No one answered. He debated about leaving a text message for them to call him as soon as possible, but he decided to wait. They were in Colorado and any news he had wouldn't make a difference in how fast they got there. He debated about calling Sugar too, but he wanted her and the kids to spend their time together in peace. Calista had a pulse and was being cared for by one of the best hospitals in the city. There was still hope without worrying them.
His hands shook as he stared at his phone waiting for Margie or Todd to return his call. They never did. Time slowed to a snail's crawl across a football field. Erik thought of what he'd have to do if Calista didn't make it. His body shuddered with fear and anger.
How could she do this?
At a time when Deuce just had his world rocked, his mother became even more selfish.
"Mr. Stevens?"
Erik didn't bother to stand up. The look on the older white nurse's face told him he should stay seated. He held his breath.
"Calista is out of the danger zone. Thank you for giving the EMTs the pill bottle—"
"Is she…awake?"
"Yes."
"Can I see her?"
"She's a bit drowsy but you can see her. We'll keep her under observation for twenty-four hours and also do a psychological assessment. If she can be released, she'll need to be driven home and looked after for a few days."
"Did she talk? Say why she did this?"
"No. She was flustered and out of sorts, but we hope to know more soon. When she's lucid, I'll come back and get you."
Erik sat patiently as an hour ticked away. He worried about Deuce. He worried about Marina. He stressed over Sugar's upcoming competition and his own. Folding his hands together he leaned forward and pressed them into his forehead. It was always one thing after another. For every happy moment he was able to snatch in his life, Calista was sure to dampen the joy.
"Mr. Stevens?"
Erik stood and followed the nurse.
Calista was in a private room and the moment Erik walked in, she started crying.
"I'll be outside. Please call me if you need me," the nurse said giving Erik a smile of encouragement.
He pulled a chair close to the bed. Staring at her face as she wept with her eyes closed, Erik tried to calm his mind. She was still the mother of his children. People who attempted suicide were in deep pain. He swallowed his anger and reached out for her hand.
"Calista…"
Her swollen red eyes greeted his.
"It was an accident…"
Erik's cell buzzed, he grabbed it from his jacket pocket.
"It's your parents."
She grabbed his hand even though her arm had an IV needle in it feeding her body fluids.
"Don't tell them anything. Please don't answer them!" she pleaded.
He put the cell away. She kept a weak grip on his hand.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself. Please believe me. I went home upset and took my anxiety meds. I couldn't sleep and I was up all night. I took them late this morning. When I got ready for our lunch, I took more and just had one glass of wine to smooth me out before we met up. You can check my phone. I requested a lift to pick me up and take me to the restaurant. After I drank the wine, I felt weird and I realized I had forgotten that I took my meds already that morning. It was just too many too close together. The wine wasn't a smart thing to do either but I was just nervous and my mind was racing—"
She burst into more tears.
"Keep telling me," he encouraged.
Her twisted up face made him squeeze her hand in support.
"The moment I started feeling bad, I tried to call 9-1-1. But I dropped my phone, and then I lost control of my reflexes. I hit my phone and had it do voice dial. I said your name and it called you. I called for help Erik…then I went unconscious. You can look at my phone and see I'm telling the truth."
Erik pulled out her phone. The screen had spider-web shatter marks on it. He pulled up her phone history. There was a Lyft request with text updates from the driver. And he saw where two numbers were dialed. A nine and a one.
"I took too many by accident with the wine because I forgot…that's all. That's all. Please…no one can know I'm in here for this. Not my parents. The kids. Sugar…no one Erik. I'm up for a job in Burbank. A TV show co-hosting gig. My agent says I'm the first choice and if they find out I was in here for an accidental overdose, they won't give me the job. I need this, Erik—"
"Calm down. Calm down…"
"I was just scared to face you. I did this terrible thing to Deuce and you were so angry and I just wanted to feel calm and collected. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want this. I was so scared…please don't tell our babies…"
He believed her.
Why bother to call a Lyft that actually showed up? Why try to dial 9-1-1? Why call him? She had done attention-seeking stunts in the past, but he didn't want to believe she would do something like this to harm their children.
"You're getting a job?" he said with a smile on his face.
Her eyes focused on his and when she saw his smile, her eyes lit up.
"My first job in forever. My friend Allison set it up for me."
"What kind of show is it?"
"It's a show about fashion designers who are preparing to do their first runway show and helping them choose models and showing the behind the scenes of all that. Stella McCartney is one of the hosts for the British side of it. The first season is focused on L.A., New York, and London. If it gets picked up, they are thinking of doing it in other countries. They want to pair a seasoned fashion designer from those different places with someone who has modeled professionally in all those places—"
"And that would be you," he said.
"It's a great opportunity for me. I have the experience and that's what they want."
He squeezed her hand again.
"I want this Erik. I went to audition last week and my agent said I knocked it out of the park. I didn't want to say anything until I was actually made an offer…"
Her eyes stared at the ceiling as fresh teardrops ran down her face.
"…if they find me like this…they'll pass me over. It's a perfect fit for me."
"I won't tell anyone," he said.
She closed her eyes and the tears fell even more.
"I'll be able to take care of myself and help pay for Deuce and Marina on my own," she whispered.
"What should I tell your parents?"
His cell vibrated again.
"Just tell them you butt dialed them by accident. I'll deal with them myself."
He nodded.
"I'm so tired."
"Get some rest. They are going to keep you here for twenty-four hours. I will come back tomorrow and if you can be released, I'll take you home and make sure you're looked after."
"I have to be in Burbank next week if I get the job."
"You'll get the job. And you'll get better."
"Things will change for me if I do. I'll have to be in Burbank for two weeks to shoot the pilot. If it gets picked up—"
"Let's get you better first and then we can talk about all that."
She clutched his arm.
"I'm sorry for everything. I hurt Deuce and you. How is he? Does he hate me?"
"He doesn't hate you. He's hurt. More than anything he was worried that I didn't love him as mine, and that wasn't true."
"I'm sorry—"
Calista turned her head away from him and cried.
He stayed with her until she fell asleep.
###
He returned home late.
Sabine had cooked Deuce and Marina turkey burgers with swiss cheese. She used her mom's simple recipe of adding Lipton onion soup mix in with the meat. She grilled them outside along with the bottoms of the buns and baked some frozen sweet potato fries. They ate together around the kitchen island.
"When is Dad coming back?" Deuce asked her.
"He didn't say," she said.
The rule was no phones at the table, but she kept her cell next to her plate. It was seven o'clock. He had been gone for eight hours and the only thing she saw on her phone was the text from earlier when he said he would be out for a bit. He left text messages for Deuce and Marina and she wondered if his meeting with Calista went south.
Deuce and Marina were putting their dishes in the dishwasher when Erik walked in from the garage. Happy faces returned to the children as Erik held up a bag of Baskin Robbin's ice cream. The kids ran off to eat their half-pints of dessert in the family room. He pulled out a mocha fudge half-pint for her.
He clasped her hand in his as he pulled her up to their bedroom. She sat on the cushiony lounge chair on the balcony with him. She gobbled up most of the ice cream with a plastic spoon that was in the ice cream bag while she let him relax as the sun prepared to set.
"Everything…?"
"It's fine. We're fine."
"What does that mean exactly?"
"It means we're going to work this out. We're going to talk again tomorrow afternoon."
"How was her attitude?"
Erik's eyes darted away from hers when she asked him that.
"Better…it's better. We'll work this out. She's worried that Deuce hates her—"
"He doesn't. He told me that today."
"She may have a job offer. In Burbank."
"Yeah?"
"She's excited about it. It's a big deal for her—"
"Erik…"
"Yeah?"
"How are you? You were gone for a long time. I was worried about you. What are you feeling right now?"
She watched his eyes stare at the beach.
"I just want peace. I want my kids to have peace. I want to be with you in peace…"
His eyes watered and Sabine put down her nearly finished container of ice cream. She cradled his head on her chest but his hands went up to her face and held it as he kissed her.
"Thank you for being with them all day today."
"It's nothing—"
"No, it's something. You and your family helped us so much yesterday. We wouldn't have made it. I know Deuce will have to struggle with all of his feelings. He'll have more questions…he might want to meet his real Dad—"
"You are his real Dad."
He nodded.
"When the time comes for that, you'll guide him. I'll be here to help with that," she said.
He nuzzled his face in her neck and then he lifted her up and carried her to the bed. He stripped down to his underwear and had her crawl under the covers with him. She kept her shorts and t-shirt on. She cradled his head again and he just rested on top of her.
He fell into a deep sleep, so she went to make sure the children were ready for bed and saw to it that teeth were brushed and things put away properly.
"Where's Dad?" Deuce asked when she came out of Marina's room.
"Sleep. He seemed really tired."
"What did he say about Mom?"
"They are going to work things out."
"I tried to call her, but she didn't answer her phone. Both of them."
"She's probably exhausted too. It was tough yesterday. They both are worried about you."
"You knew your biological Dad when you were little?"
"A little bit. I remember the bad stuff mainly. He wasn't a good person when I was little."
"Have you ever met him since then?"
"No."
"Did you ever want to?"
Deuce's eyes were so inquisitive. Shiny with anticipation.
"When I was fifteen I did. That was only because I was winning junior surf competitions and I wanted him to know that. I needed him to see that I was awesome even without him."
"How did your Mom and Papi feel when you asked to see him?"
"My Mom kinda figured I'd want to one day. Papi supported whatever I wanted to do. But my biological father didn't want to meet me. We spoke on the phone a couple of times and he acted like an asshole. He didn't want me. It hurt but I got over it fast."
"How?"
"By having Papi."
Deuce smiled.
"Do you want to meet your biological father?"
"I looked up a bunch of stuff about him online. He's not cool like my Dad. He's mean. Self-destructive. He's in rehab now. Court ordered. He won't be allowed to see anyone."
Deuce's eyes grew soft.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Do you think I have those genetic traces? Could I end up like him? Addicted to stuff? Mean?"
"You were raised by a man who made sure you had advantages that other people don't have. Whatever that other man did, he did that because of who he was and that has nothing to do with genetics. As far as I'm concerned all you got from him was the slight curl in your hair, a little bit of melanin, and big feet. Everything else is Erik."
Deuce laughed.
"I have a bunch of brothers and sisters. He doesn't take care of them. Is it bad that I'm not interested in meeting them?"
"No."
"Marina is my only sister, the only sibling that I want to have."
"Then so be it."
"I don't think I ever want to meet him."
"That's okay too."
Deuce looked like he wanted to say more, but he stepped into his bedroom leaving her in the hallway.
"I'm going to bed."
"We'll have a big breakfast tomorrow and you can talk with your father."
She turned off the hallway light and climbed back up the stairs. Erik was still asleep and she took off all her clothes and crawled back into bed with him. In the middle of the night, she woke up to use the restroom, and Erik was gone. She threw on a robe and checked the balcony then went to the second floor and checked his office.
Walking down to the first floor, she heard Erik and Deuce in the family room. She sat on the bottom step and listened to their voices. Deuce was crying and Erik comforted him, reassuring him that they were still a real family despite the new circumstances. Sabine could hear the struggle in Erik's voice to soothe his son.
She climbed back up the stairs and waited in the bedroom for him to return. When he did, he was even more exhausted.
"You're awake?" he whispered to her.
"I just went to the restroom."
He kissed her cheek and kept his lips on her face.
"Erik?"
His soft lips trembled against her skin and she turned to cradle his face. Wiping tears from his eyes she did her best to comfort him.
"It'll be okay…I promise," she whispered to him.
His mouth rested near her ear and she thought he was going to tell her something, but he nuzzled back into her neck and just rested there.
Morning came fast and he was gone from her side once more. When she checked the house, the children were gone too. Sabine walked outside and crossed the boardwalk sidewalk to the sand and kept her eyes on the waves.
All three of them were out there.
She saw Deuce catch a three-footer on his board and heard the yells of Erik and Marina bounce across the wind. The water was choppy. She smiled and waved her hand. Marina waved back frantically as Erik shook his hand to encourage her to join them. She held both hands up and dropped them down letting him know that was his time with his children.
She padded back to the house, wiped her feet at the door, and adjusted the air conditioning. Stepping into the kitchen she washed her hands and busted out the pots and pans to make them all breakfast. Pancakes, bacon and sausage, sliced bananas and strawberries. She was opening a new jar of Nutella when they all tumbled in loud and hyper covered in seawater and sand.
"Go get cleaned up," she said.
"Pancakes!" Marina sang out throwing her hands in the air.
The children ran up the stairs and Erik grabbed her waist and pulled her back against his chest.
"Go take a shower!"
She thrust her ass out to push him back. He slapped her backside and snatched a fresh piece of bacon she pulled from the oven earlier.
"Go!" she scolded.
Breakfast was cheerful and Erik was very talkative with Deuce as Marina bent Sabine's ear about getting a new wetsuit for an upcoming junior surf tournament. It all felt like a normal Sunday. To think that two days previous they had all been blown up with a fourteen-year lie, and now they were chattering away like a regular family again.
Family.
Sabine's eyes watched Erik's face as he spoke to his son. They were affectionate together. Erik pulling on Deuce's hair as the boy punched his arm. Her eyes glanced over to Marina who was busy dipping her fork with a strawberry on it into a big spoonful of Nutella on her plate.
They were building their own family unit together. She knew that she was just their Dad's girlfriend, but she felt close to them. Loved them. Would do anything for them. She was in and out of their lives because of her career, but they always welcomed her back as one of their own. They reciprocated to her what her own family gave them.
"Spoke to my parents this morning," he said.
"Yeah?"
"They want us to come up for their Forty-fifth wedding anniversary."
"Forty-five years? Wow!" she said.
"Think you can be free next month?"
"Give me the dates."
"They were going to do a cruise, but my mother wants to see everyone and they changed plans last minute. It'll be in Oakland. BBQ. Bowling…"
"I'm in," she said.
"You'll like Grandma GiGi," Marina said, "she gives the best hugs and she makes the best cakes!"
"Yvette is going with us, so you won't feel like you don't know anyone."
"Grandma GiGi will talk your ear off," Deuce said.
He had a smile on his face, but then it faded.
"Will you tell them about me?" Deuce asked.
Erik put down his glass of cranberry juice as Marina put down her fork.
"We don't have to say anything to them right now if you don't want to," Erik said.
Deuce bent his head down and burst into tears. He covered his eyes and left the table heading for the stairs. Erik hopped off his counter seat and followed his son. Sabine looked over at Marina and she was already shedding tears.
"Ah, baby shark," she said reaching over and holding the girl's hand.
Sabine pulled Marina next to her and hugged her.
"Daddy's on it, okay?"
Marina nodded her head then pressed her face into Sabine's chest releasing hard sobs. Sabine's stomach filled with acid. She wanted to slap the taste out of Calista's mouth.
Instead, she comforted the woman's daughter and hoped Erik could make the world smooth for Deuce once more.
###
Erik packed his things carefully.
He could feel Sugar's angry eyes on his back as he placed underwear and t-shirts on the opposite side of his shirts and pants.
"I don't understand why she can't just come to San Diego and have them with her in La Jolla," Sugar hissed at him.
"She has to be available to the studio in Burbank and I like driving them up. It gives us time to talk together."
"You could fly up there, or just let Yvette go with them!"
"I have been gone for two weeks, Sugar. I want to spend as much time with them as I can before I head out to Bali."
"That's why she should come down here. Ever since she got this job, I feel like you spend more time with her than you do me."
"Baby…c'mon. That's not true—"
"You have permanent full custody now. I don't understand why you still…fuck!"
"Still what?"
"Coddle her! Dammit!"
Sugar stalked away from him and Erik went after her. He shut their bedroom door. The kids were still in school and Yvette was down in the family room watching TV.
"I'm not coddling her—"
"She could fly back to Burbank if they need her. Quick flights every hour on Southwest—"
"Sugar—"
He tried to hold her but she pushed his hands away.
"I was trying really hard to be understanding and patient with you and that bitch. You plan on staying the night up there again? Are you fucking her? Rekindling that old thang because you haven't fucked me in a long time—"
"Sugar! Fuck! Can I talk? Can I get a fucking word in?"
"You've been with her more than me. I'm feeling a little neglected—"
"Dick got you this wound up?"
"Fuck you!"
She punched him in his chest and stomped to the door.
"I'm playing baby—"
"Well I'm not!"
Her shout made him grab for her hand.
"You always have some excuse to be busy. You never want to have sex anymore. Do I bore you now? The last time we had sex it wasn't good at all."
"It was for me."
"Just you then! You weren't there with me. Your mind is elsewhere every time I touch you. If you don't want me anymore just say so. If you want to go back to that selfish hag then just go back. Stop stringing me along. I only get to see you a few times in a month and it's killing me, Erik!"
Sugar's face broke and the waterworks began and he made her sit on the bed next to his suitcase. How quickly things had changed between them. Yet again.
"You make me feel like I'm not important to you," she wept.
Her nose began to run and she wiped it with her baggy t-shirt like a little kid. It made Erik smile and kiss her cheek.
"You are everything to me."
"It doesn't feel like it. I love the kids too, but I want you for myself right now. Those hours you take driving there and back are stolen moments for me."
"Come with us then."
"I want intimacy with you! I can't have that riding in a car with Deuce and Marina."
Erik closed his eyes.
"I'm going to tell you something, and you can't repeat it to anyone."
Sugar wiped her eyes. They were so red and swelling under the lower lids. Erik held her right hand.
"The day after Deuce found out I wasn't his biological father Calista had an accidental overdose. That lunch date I had…the reason I was gone so long that day…I was at the hospital with her. She called me at the restaurant to let me know something was wrong. I called 911…I went out there…I was with the paramedics who revived her. She told me it was an honest accident and swore me to secrecy. No one knows. Just me…and now you. She was terrified of losing her job if the company found out. I've been spending time with her and the kids now because I want to keep an eye on her. I drive the children to her so I can see how she is before I hand them over. If they are comfortable with her, then I leave them. I go and get them because I need to see how she is afterward."
"You should have told me this, Erik. Right from the beginning."
"I told her I wouldn't say anything—"
"I'm your woman! I need to know these things! I don't give a fuck about her wanting to keep secrets from everyone else!"
Sugar jumped up from the bed and paced the floor.
"All this time I'm thinking you've lost interest. She tried to kill herself—"
"It was an accident—"
"She's lied about a lot of shit, Erik! She would say anything to make herself look good! Playing the victim yet again-!"
"Sugar! Have some compassion! I believed her. She was rattled by everything just like all of us. I sat there at the hospital with her for two days while she tried to pull herself back together—"
"And you thought it was okay for me to think the worst shit? I'm traveling the world thinking my man doesn't feel the same way about me. His life is coming apart at the seams and I must be a burden to him since he won't carve out a tiny bit of time for me. You let me think that shit for weeks, Erik. No compassion for me?"
"She was in a fragile mental state. I just helped her get through it the best way I could. It wasn't a deliberate slight toward you. I wasn't trying to leave you out—"
"But you did! Fuck her secrets! I don't want you hiding shit from me!"
"Okay, maybe I should've told you, but damn, Sugar. My son was losing it! I was losing it! His mother flipped and made a mistake—"
"She's always making mistakes. I'm sick of her. I don't want to be that petty bitch, but fuck it! I want to be first for once."
"C'mere…don't make that face…Sugar…"
Erik reached out for her and pulled her back next to him.
"I'm going to be selfish from here on out," she whispered as he pulled her close to his chest.
"You don't have to be that way."
"I don't believe it was an accident. She got your full attention, and now she gets to keep you as her protector. Poor little Calista. If she makes a boo boo again, Erik will still come running to the rescue."
"Don't say shit like that."
"You're an idiot. If you have to see that woman in person to see if she's okay, then why the fuck would you trust her with your children? Such a fucking dummy…she just continually manipulates you and your dumbass falls for it every time. You deserve each other—"
Erik pushed away from Sugar and stood up. He finished packing his suitcase.
"Get a jacket. You're coming with us," he said zipping up his bag.
"I'm not going anywhere," she snapped.
He walked to their closet and grabbed one of her warm-up jackets, a form-fitting lime green one with large pockets.
"Let's go."
She rolled her eyes at him and he threw the jacket on her lap. Lifting his suitcase from the bed, he rolled it on the floor and opened the bedroom door.
Erik heard Sugar's footsteps falling behind him.
"We're leaving, Vette," he called out to his sister.
Yvette sauntered out from the family room and gave Erik a hug. Her eyes regarded Sugar's and she instantly felt the friction between them. Sugar followed him out to the garage. The surfboards he was going to use in Bali were on top of the roof rack. He opened up the back of the jeep and stuck his bag next to Deuce and Marina's that were already inside.
They drove to Mission Bay High School where Deuce was out front waiting for them. They drove up to gather Marina at La Jolla Country Day. Erik had made arrangements to take them both out of school early to avoid traffic up to Burbank. Sugar was quiet as Erik spoke to his kids for most of the ride up. Once they passed by downtown L.A., she had loosened up and spent most of the time talking with Marina as Deuce listened to music in his earbuds. Erik tried stroking her thigh as he drove, but she moved her leg from him.
Sugar's eyes took in the scenery as Erik drove through Calista's new neighborhood. Upscale Burbank, she wasn't that far from Burbank Studios in a snazzy little condo with a secured community.
Sugar sat in the jeep and waited for him to deliver the children. Deuce and Marina rolled their own bags as Calista buzzed them into the complex from the front of the property. They walked past several units before getting to the one near the community pool.
"Hey Muffin…and my big Deuce!" Calista said hugging them.
She wasn't alone.
"Hey, Rachel," Erik said.
Calista's older half-sister sat in the living room drinking a Pepsi. She hugged Deuce and Marina and they all watched the children go put their suitcases in their rooms.
"Good drive up?" Calista asked offering him a can of Pepsi.
Erik took the beverage. The condo smelled of something good and spicy cooking in the oven.
"Smooth."
"Staying for dinner?"
"Nah. Gotta get going," he said.
Rachel gave him an awkward hug. They hadn't seen each other in years. She was always lukewarm with him and became downright frigid when he left Calista. She was neutral towards him.
Deuce and Marina returned.
"Be good for your Mom, and I will see you both in two weeks," he said.
"Okie Doke!" Marina said hugging him hard.
He reached for Deuce and pulled him in tight.
"Yvette will fly up on Monday. Your flight to Oakland leaves at noon."
"Sugar's coming, right?" Marina asked.
Erik saw Rachel's lip curl into an irritated pout. Calista acted like she didn't hear his woman's name.
"She'll be up. You be great for everyone and do your homework. Don't think because I pulled you out with an extra week for Spring Break that you can goof off."
They both whined and he hugged them one more time before observing Calista as he finished drinking his soda. When he felt like the children were in good hands and not acting weird, he left.
"Took you long enough," Sugar snorted.
He ignored her and drove them to a Marriott near the Burbank Airport. She didn't question why they were there or how she was getting home. She followed along with him as he checked into his room. He opened the windows and they could hear the rumble of a plane taking off from the airport.
"Sit down," he ordered.
Sugar took off her jacket and slipped off her sandals.
He poured them both glasses of red wine from the minibar and handed her a glass. She took it and sipped. Her eyes were still heated with him.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her. I thought I was doing what was best at that moment. It wasn't a slight toward you. I'm sorry I haven't been available to you…in that way."
He sat down and drank his glass of wine.
"I was really bad that last time, huh?" he asked.
Sugar gave him a slight smile.
"Not your best…ever."
"Damn. Left you real salty."
"You broke our connection. If you would've told me about Calista, then I would know why you were acting the way you did. I don't trust her. If you believe her, then you believe her. I don't. She's always this gray cloud over us. I try to push it aside because she had Deuce and Marina, but…I'll never be comfortable with her."
"That's fair."
"How was she acting?"
"Her sister is there, so I feel good about it. The kids were fine."
"That's all that matters then."
"As it should."
They finished drinking and Sugar glanced around the hotel room.
"I'm hungry," she said.
Erik ordered them steaks and from room service and they drank more liquor from the bar. By the time they had food in their bellies, Sugar had become soft and sweet and receptive to his touches.
"Sorry," he murmured in her hair as he stroked her curls and peppered kisses on her neck.
"I don't want to be left out on stuff like this," she breathed into his ear.
He undressed her slowly, taking his time to enjoy every moment with her. He would fly out to Bali in the morning, and she'd drive back to San Diego and fly out to Argentina the day after that. He had neglected her physically as he got into the groove of the Pro Tour. It would be easy to blame her schedule too, but it was the nature of their chosen lifestyle.
Sugar watched him take off every article of clothing on his body and he saw her breathing grow heavier. Her arousal sank into him and he kissed every inch of her body.
"Sorry," he said kissing her ankles.
"You should be."
"Sorry," he said kissing up to her kneecaps on both legs.
"I'll think about forgiving you."
"Sorry," he whispered into the apex of her thighs.
Her body shivered as he swiped his tongue along her vulva. She was waxed completely, and he knew she was doing it for the Maverick photo shoots she had coming up in Europe. The slickness of her skin only highlighted the slick arousal that poured from her center the more he kissed her there with his big warm mouth.
"Keep saying you're sorry," she moaned.
"Sorry, baby…"
He licked her plump bud and flicked his tongue against her piercing. Sucked on her folds with gentle pressure until she was squirming and twisting her legs around his face. Erik brought her to the edge of her release but licked his tongue up along her belly and between her breasts before biting her nipples.
"Forgive me?" he asked rising above her and placing his weight on her body.
She wrapped her legs around his waist.
"No."
Pressing his lips against hers he forced his tongue into her needy mouth. Shifting his weight, he let his wide glans nudge against her opening.
"You won't forgive me?"
"You have to please me first."
"I was that wack?"
"Terrible. I felt like I was being humped by a sad dildo."
"Damn. That's fucked up. But I made you cum—"
"I made myself cum. And that orgasm was pitiful too."
"I was that neglectful?"
"The worst. I was embarrassed for you."
He threw his head back and laughed. She reached up and pulled his face close to hers.
"I miss you. Every moment matters. Even if it's just five minutes with you, that means the world to me."
Her eyes were shiny and Erik penetrated her with a slight shift of his hips. He moved slow within her, entwined his fingers with hers, and made up for any and everything. Pleasing her was always his priority and he had set her aside trying to make the world go round. He felt terrible about it.
"Erik…"
Sugar arched her back and he kept his weight on her. Rocking into her a little faster, he covered her body completely with his until he felt her nails raking down his back and hard pants blowing in his ear from her mouth.
"I'm here, baby…" he huffed into the shell of her ear.
Erik spilled into her with shouts that followed hers as she clutched his body tight. The blood in his body thrummed hot. They had soaked the bedsheets and her hair. She wiped sweat from her temples and grinned hard as he kissed her clavicle.
"Still wack?" he asked.
She shook her head and the grin on her face grew.
They kissed and within the hour they were in another deep embrace with her on top of him, his right hand clutching her neck as she wiggled her hips tightly pressed against his. Her loving was strong and she had him yelling as hard spurts from his dick made him come undone beneath her.
Sugar's kisses all over his face and neck calmed his heartbeat.
"Forgive me yet?"
"Just a little bit," she said before he drifted off to a peaceful slumber.
