DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own. PLEASE REVIEW MY CHAPTERS! I will take advice and suggestions from my readers while continuing the story.

Thinking

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Emphasis


Maybe this is a mid-life crisis. Naruto stood in front of her dresser, staring at herself in the mirror after waking from that newly somewhat-recurring dream or nightmare. "What is wrong with me?!" She slapped her cheeks and looked closer at her face. Sure, she didn't have any lines or wrinkles, but she had nearly two full lifetimes under her belt! Alright, so she was a teenager again this time around, but still… Why was it that she had felt confident and excited about everything with Kakashi until now? Her stomach lurched. Taking a few deep breaths, she calmed herself and decided to tackle the issue head-on.

How can I be scared of… doing that with him after all this time? Once again, she counted the days until she, or rather, they had to make their marriage official in the eyes of the council. Where had her confidence gone? Where did her libido decide to go? Naru knew that she was freaking herself out, but why now of all times - when there was no choice?! Oh, she supposed she knew the answer to that, but before hearing about the council's demands she had been so… Nrrrrgh! ALL of this fear and these awful dreams had started the night she learned of what they wanted.

After learning that Shikamaru was out on a training mission, overnight for a week, she had gone home following that talk with JiJi. Kakashi came home really late and she had prepared dinner earlier. She remembered reheating everything and talking to him quietly late into the night - but not about that - before they each retired to their rooms. Everything had been okay! Kakashi had even told her of how much it meant to him for his father's remains to have been moved to their rightful place and informed her of the formal exoneration she hadn't known about. She had been thrilled beyond belief for him that night, not to mention shocked, when he introduced her as his wife to her… father-in-law, such as it was. It was the honor of a lifetime, she felt.

Crazy nightmares! There were a few variations, but in the end, they were all about sex. Sometimes Jiraiya was giving her one of his hellish talks and warning her of all sorts of horrible things like he used to: diseases with gut-retching descriptions, pregnancies that wouldn't turn out right… She had punched him in the balls the first time he went on about the supposed possibility of "two-headed brats" that for some reason had to be birthed at the same moment, and what would happen to her body when that took place. She shivered just thinking about him going on about that. Even with her very limited knowledge back then, she sensed he was obviously lying about it - especially in saying it happened a lot with Uzumakis - but it was still scary! He had to be lying, right? Kami-sama: I can't believe I'm doubting myself over something so STUPID! Idiot Sage!

Then there was the nightmare where Kakashi would gross out because she was female, and he had always thought she was a man. Conversely, she'd dreamt at least once of kissing him until he put his hand on her supposed breast only to find a flat, chiseled, and extremely hairy chest. Thank the gods that she was a trained ninja, otherwise, she was sure that she would've been yelling her head off when she woke, just like the complete, 100% masked Kakashi had when he felt the hair on her nightmare chest. Gods, she'd also had a couple of dreams where he was pretty much nothing but a big blue mask with silver hair sticking out. His shape was weird - oh no

She hadn't even seen a real condom on someone, but she knew what it looked like on a banana. And yes, that's what "dream/nightmare Kakashi" had looked like in those nightmares: a big blue-covered banana with sprouting silver hair on top. Urgh: there goes my stomach again. Now that she was considering it, she knew that image was definitely all Ero-Sennin's fault! He had been quite drunk one night while still believing her to be a boy in their first year of travel and decided to show her how to roll a condom over a banana. She refused to touch it, but would never forget watching him go on and on about it as he kept breaking them. "Them" being either the bananas or the condoms. How did that guy not have children all over creation? Yikes: maybe he does!

In every nightmare, no matter what, though, she would end up freaking out over finally going completely through with the act, and Kakashi would leave. She always "knew" before waking up that he'd never come back.

Naruto shook her head and wiped her betraying teary eyes. This is ridiculous. She and Kakashi had been getting along very well over the past week; she could honestly say that he seemed comfortable, at least, with her now for the most part. And he seems to like me, right? She'd told Kurama about the whole thing, but after they argued about something else and she somewhat-jokingly accused him of causing these very real nightmares, (she'd only had a few hours of sleep in two days at that point,) he refused to help her. She sighed sadly and began to brush her hair.

I'm going to screw things up between us if I don't relax about all this! She hated herself for being such a scaredy-cat prude. Considering the whole thing more, she realized that because she'd never been in a serious relationship or anything, she hadn't fully considered the implications of having sex as more than just a physical thing, (once again, thanks, Jiraiya.) Of course, she thought she had, but now? Now it was really going to happen… or not.

How much of a jerk had she been to Shikamaru? And since when was he so much braver than her? He and Temari had been dating for years, though - or at least had liked or loved each other for so long in her last lifetime...

Gods, that one time between her and Kakashi had all felt so natural at the time! Of course, we were kinda drunk; he was really drunk, as far as she could tell. Would she have to get drunk? Honestly, Kakashi's too noble to go through with it if I'm impaired, I bet, which is… good. Yes, that was definitely a wonderful thing about her husband, just not especially for her right now. Naruto sighed yet again and made her way to the closet. Changing into an orange and black training uniform, her thoughts on the matter wouldn't stop.

There had been signs for a while now that Kakashi didn't want to go there in the first place. At least right now she told herself, trying to remain even a little positive in this situation. There were no doubts in her mind that he was probably considering her parents, her supposed age, and more: it was only natural for a man like him. Right?

It's not like she could tell him that she was secretly over twice her age: he'd think she was insane! Naru wrapped her hair in a ponytail as she considered her looks. She thought she looked like she was in her 20s even though she'd lived over 30 years, but maybe that was only because others said it? Suddenly she felt ashamed: Kami knew that with everything about to take place in the village, the last person she should be worrying about is herself, along with why her sex drive had disappeared! Never mind their issues with the council, she wished like crazy there was someone she could talk to about events yet to transpire. We have a plan, though

Dozens of Naruto's clones were already henged and roaming the village at nearly all hours of the day and night, trying to pick up information regarding the upcoming attack and everything else. The last time she saw him, Shikamaru had told her that he'd put a few ideas in his dad's head regarding certain "possibilities" that he didn't want her to know about. Shikamaru reasoned that if his father came to her with questions regarding what his son had told him, it would be better if she reacted naturally. She was a better actress than he knew but Naruto had to admit that he was also right. When it came to those close to her, she tended to be rather easy to read. It was something she was continuing to work on: she was a kunoichi, after all.

A quiet knock on her bedroom door made her nearly jump out of her skin. She opened it to see Kakashi in his uniform, hands in pockets.


Kakashi nearly winced behind his mask as his little wife opened her door - only a crack - and looked at him with such wide eyes. She reminded him of a Nara frightened little fawn. He eye-smiled down at her and let her know that he'd made breakfast - such as it was. Fruit and toast were okay, plus they could warm up some leftovers if she wanted. Naru-chan had been cooking like she planned to feed all the armies in the Elemental Nations recently. He had gained a couple of pounds, but she looked like she may have lost the same amount.

Fucking council. DAMN that bastard, Danzo.

He - well, he really liked Naruto. A lot, his stupid conscious whispered in his head. He put his head in his hand but brightened upon seeing the blonde flit around the kitchen, once again asking about what they were going to do today, even though he refused to tell her on a daily basis. She was forcing the whole delighted act, he thought, although once she settled down, she gave him one of those smiles, making him feel a little better. She talked about the team as he ate through a genjutsu. He'd been working the team hard. Well, Tenzo had - but he was giving most of the orders, and telling Tenzo-kun what he needed to do.

Sasuke came back yesterday, and gods he was such a brat! Trying to get him to work with the "team" was going to take up as much time or more than upping the brat's skills. I really don't want him with the others. Sakura was a pain but had been eager to learn - at least until Sasuke showed up. Maybe I can get a female comrade to have a word with her. Naruto had been trying each and every day: she'd been very encouraging and had repeatedly tried to befriend her, but the pink-haired girl didn't trust her and had a hair-trigger temper. Sakura was convinced for some reason that Naru-chan wanted "her Sasuke-kun." Kakashi snorted at the idea: Naruto worked with the Uchiha brat but was incredibly wary of him. She likes mature men, his traitorous mind said, before reminding himself that he purposely didn't act his age all the time. Giving himself hell made him feel better about thoughts like that which he sometimes - often - had about Naru-chan.

Naruto refilled his coffee and brought out the ever-present miso soup. It's really good. She was once again chatting up a storm as he only nodded or shook his head at her at appropriate times. It was honestly kind of nice to be around someone who didn't mind his social… issues and allowed him to remain quiet. The two of them did talk together, definitely, and she even seemed to get when he needed space. Thinking more about it, he realized he'd probably spoken longer with her when they did sit down together than he had anyone in years. I pretty much lucked out with her. He shook the thought away as they ate and once again considered his "team."

Sai was working out as much as he could've expected, or perhaps even a little better than he'd initially thought when he learned he had a spying ROOT nin to deal with on his team. He worked well with Naruto and was coming up with new nicknames for her daily - none of which Kakashi particularly appreciated. At least he'd dropped the "Double-D" thing after Naruto argued with him after a singular morning training. Sai had gone for advice to Tenzo, who had told him about their discussion. Apparently, Naruto thought the nickname represented two of various words she didn't at all appreciate being called: Demon, Dumb, Ditzy, as well as Dickless for some weird reason - all things the ROOT kid hadn't even considered. When Tenzo told Kakashi the story, he had been snickering about how he couldn't believe that Naru didn't realize the name referred to what might be her bra size... Tenzo had almost immediately suffered an extremely brutal spar courtesy of the Copy Nin and swore to his senior never to say such a thing again.

Kakashi had not been getting any questions or ominous looks from Tenzo-kun, so he felt that their secret marriage was still in fact, a secret to the Mokuton user. He trusted Tenzo with his life, but the fewer people that knew what was going on between him and his wife, the better. The Hokage had told him in confidence that he worried Danzo or some other traitor - or even perhaps another village - would try to kidnap his little blonde. Not happening. That's why he'd been working with Naruto on the Hiraishin in their backyard training area. He didn't really like her laughter at his near-constant vomiting upon partially successful landings over short distances, but it was nice that she always had water and at least crackers for him. Not to mention the way she kept close by some kind of weird variation on a soldier pill that she had been working on the taste of for years, apparently. It still needed work, but wasn't so bad, especially compared to the way his chakra pathways always rang out in pain whenever forced to take an actual soldier pill. Her version of the thing was really gummy, though.

It was a little embarrassing that she now called him - only when they were training in private - the "Silver Flash." She repeatedly told him that she was sure her father would approve and even be proud, but Kakashi felt that it was too much to live up to. He remembered getting yet another hug and her sweet smile as she looked up at him after he admitted that. Gods, I'm getting soft! She was really doing a number on him, he knew - and she didn't even seem to be doing it on purpose!

Kakashi sighed heavily as he didn't read the book in his face. Thoughts of her being so sweet led once again to the recent changes he noticed. Oh, she was still herself, but every once in a while she'd squeak as she jumped away from him - usually when he was inadvertently being silent. It was an ingrained thing at this point for him to approach anyone without sound, but he'd had to alter that recently with her.

It was odd: there was no doubt that she was a sensor, but sensing him? It's like she couldn't do it unless she saw him. She had complained about it quite a few times now. Plus there was that middle of the night comment she made after he scared her in the kitchen. She didn't realize she said it out loud, he believed because she had been so tired: "I think the furball is fucking with me," she'd muttered while nearly running into the wall behind the stairs. That certainly woke him up fully. How many times had he asked himself if she really called the Kyuubi "furball."

As usual, Kakashi took off so that no one saw them walking together. Gai-kun had given him shit about it, but he and Naru each told the man that they were still hiding their relationship and had good reasons, the biggest of which Gai already knew. Gai didn't think it was particularly Youthful but had gone so far as to offer Naruto a turtle to keep with her if she needed help. When Naru recoiled at the offer before trying to apologize, she got hit with that other side of Gai that few had ever seen or could even imagine. He didn't know who this "Hidan" was that Naru compared Gai to at that moment, but she seemed okay with his… rival after listening to the enraged green man. She had only been shocked. Understandable.

Hiding his presence he stood with Tenzo-kun, watching their brats argue. Ugly was falling all over herself in the presence of the newly-named Dickless… Crap, I really need to stop using Double-P's nicknames in my mind: SAKURA was now giving SAI crap for what he'd just called the little prick. The little prick was, naturally, standing as if he didn't have to interact with any of those lower than his self-inflated ass. Kakashi shook his head and internally grumbled at himself: he really had a problem with the lesser Uchiha, and needed to get over it. The prick could at least react to that awful nickname! A small, childlike part of him wondered if he really was dickless, since the brat didn't even react to Sai's taunt.

Tenzo looked at his co-sensei and asked him what he thought of Sai-kun's nicknames. The moniker "Double-P" Naru-chan bestowed upon him stood for Printing Press, of course, NOT what Sai-kun had originally thought: something about having a double-sized penis. Laughing despite himself, Kakashi had to admit that he liked that weird kid. With his ROOT/Danzo ties, he didn't trust Sai at all, but he was ridiculously amusing.

They watched from the treetops as Naruto ran into the training grounds, greeting everyone. She drooped at Sakura's yells about her being late but reminded the pinkette that their senseis hadn't even arrived. Naruto immediately began warming up alongside Sai and asked the others to do the same, eventually calling the Uchiha a bastard... Just like yesterday. Once again, it didn't seem to faze the duck-assed headed prick at all; he did begin to stretch, however - which of course caused Sakura to do the same. "Senpai, I believe Pinky's drooling," Tenzo said in amusement. Sure enough, the pink one was hungrily looking at the Uchiha like a piece of meat. Gods, how did they land this team? Oh right: the Sharingan and the Fox.

Eventually, the two Jonin jumped down, scaring the pinkette. That's fun, Kakashi thought momentarily. The Uchiha never reacted to anything: he was lame that way, even compared to his brother. He only stole glances toward his blonde, while Naruto ignored the brat, but would occasionally smile up at Kakashi before looking away and usually scowling at one of her absurd teammates. Today was a big day, though, and they would NEED to work together! He and Tenzo worked them into the ground after watching them spar, then took them for ramen, giving Sakura no choice in the matter.

Naturally, Naruto led the way there, skipping and nearly dancing in her eagerness to get to the "Food of the Gods." Sakura and Sasuke were clearly sneering at her, while Sai, of course, looked like he didn't understand what was happening. Tenzo and Kakashi followed behind, as Kakashi considered ways to get Tenzo to pay. Just because.

"Ramen Sama!" Naruto greeted Teuchi-san excitedly, then waved at Ayame-san who was in the back. Kakashi didn't appreciate how the younger Ichiraku was looking knowingly at him. Especially as he had inadvertently sat at the bar beside Naru-chan. The young woman smiled at his wife and winked at them, and Kakashi suddenly wished he'd never brought his team of misfits here. Naruto was already on her second bowl, talking up a storm to the stand owners, while the rest of them listened after being cheerfully introduced to the father and daughter by the bouncy blonde. Sakura was horrified by Naruto's appetite, while Naruto scolded her about having a small bowl and being on a diet. Tenzo-kun agreed with Naruto, although he also told Naruto she shouldn't eat so much, so fast; he got a spoon chucked right at his nose for that. Fortunately, Sasuke had given a "hn," regarding Sakura's diet. It was an expression that everyone knew was Uchiha-ese for "agreed." The pink one ordered another bowl, and Kakashi actually felt relieved for once about his team.

Heading toward the mission office, Kakashi forced himself not to run ahead of the brats, Tenzo and Naruto included. Again, just because: this was going to be fun to watch, after all. "Team 7 reporting for a mission, Hokage-sama!"

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto cheered, running to the former ANBU/sensei punk, hugging him tightly. She then gave the Sandaime a pat on The Hat and began talking to him while Kakashi and Iruka stared each other down.

Tenzo was uncomfortable. What's happening here? He knew the Dolphin: he was alright and had been a real force back in their days as ANBU. They'd had no problems working together, but he had heard in the gossipy Jonin Lounge that Senpai didn't care for the guy. Right now, though? The two looked like they wanted to fight - and he didn't mean spar! Sakura and Sasuke had backed away a few steps, while the ROOT kid looked at Kakashi-senpai and The Dolphin like he was trying to solve a puzzle. The weirdest moment came when the Sandaime threw wadded-up paper balls at the two men, just as Kakashi-senpai grabbed Uzumaki-chan around the waist and pulled her back from the Chunin she was questioning. He wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it, and was additionally taken aback at how the mild-mannered elderly Hokage was harshly scolding the two men. It seemed to revolve around Uzumaki, but there was something he didn't quite get.

The Hokage cleared his throat and scowled at his idiotic former ANBU. "Yes." He looked really angry before clearing his throat and schooling his expression. "Jonins Hatake-san and Tenzo-san, I hereby order your team to find and retrieve the Daimyo's cat, Tora-chan."

"Ohhhh, fuck," Uzumaki groaned - apparently accidentally as she apologized all over herself for her language - for once. The Hokage pulled his hat down to hide his expression as he gently scolded her with a few words. Sakura had SCREAMED at the blonde's outburst and Tenzo had to remind her to apologize as well. He could only hope that his hearing would come back in that ear, as dealing with Tora-chan was a real bitch: D-ranked mission or not! He rubbed his sore ear, as Uzumaki began to speak again. "I'm thinking... exploding senbon to the asshole." Dear Kami! Tenzo had long-ago heard and read that Uzumakis were "out there," to put it nicely, but they were in front of their Hokage! He looked up to see the Hokage pulling The Hat over his face and either holding back laughter or possibly having a stroke. Tenzo hoped it was the former; he respected the Sandaime and liked working for him very much.

"NARUTO!" Iruka yelled at the blonde, letting out a wail of suffering before standing up furiously to scold the blonde. Some of the scolding didn't involve her words, but were something about who she spent time with. The Dolphin was really going off on her.

Tenzo turned around to hear Senpai making a low noise, just before the silver-haired Jonin dodged a kunai… thrown by the Sandaime? What in the world is going on here? Naruto was talking the angry Chunin down, as if she'd done this a hundred times before, not seeming to have paid any attention to the attack from their leader upon their captain that had just taken place. He looked from one member of his team to another, seeing a look of angered disbelief from Sasuke and Sakura, a pleased but creepy smile on Sai, while Kakashi-senpai looked like his bored self again. I'm the only normal one here!

"You can't tell me it's not a good idea, JiJi, and I'm packing just the right senbon right now!" Naruto said happily as she patted her black obi, genuinely trying to get her superiors to see her point. Iruka looked like he was going to explode - he was red and oh gods, his head was getting bigger and bigger - while the Hokage only shook his head at the girl.

"Naru-chan, I'm sure you're aware that the village receives funding for all missions, no matter what rank…" He continued as Kakashi put his hand over the blonde's mouth. The Copy Nin held the back of her head, his hand absently fisting her hair, as if she would dart away from or interrupt the village leader and start in again about the never-ending village horror that is Tora, while the KI coming from The Dolphin continued to build.

Tenzo quickly grabbed the mission paperwork and had his team follow him out. Looking back to ensure that all his ducklings were in a row, he saw Kakashi-senpai once again glare at the chunin, as he walked closer to Uzumaki-chan. He noted the Hokage gave the Dolphin a hard smack on the head with a pile of papers, making the Chunin's KI finally recede. What he'd seen in the mission office shook him. Surely not… No, Tenzo assured himself, that was impossible, considering his senpai. Still, Tenzo had a sick feeling in his stomach - and not about the awful mission at hand.