Sorry, it took so long...Life and its things...

Enjoy!

M.

(Happy Halloween to those of you celebrating it. Happy Samhain to those of you celebrating it :D)

Chapter 99

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Jack O'Neill has faced wars, system lords, tech bugs, and a helluva lot of ugly looking beings. But he finds himself terrified of the girl that looks at him with mesmerizing blue eyes, so like her mom, that it hurts.

He recognizes himself in her too. Jack wonders for a second if that was a good or a bad thing for the woman who had to raise her alone. Looking at her, knowing that she resembled him. Did she hate him for some aspects of himself their daughter inherited?

"Hi," he manages to say and wants to kick himself for his lack of words. Daniel would've probably been better prepared to confront a situation like this, he thinks. Then he remembers, Daniel's words are exactly the reason he'd fucked up his thing with Sam.

Parker blinked, lowering her spoon. She licked off a cute yogurt mustache she had and gulped down her food.

"Hi… Mom says you're my dad." P says. Jack shakes his head, finding amusing that she reminds him of Harper of all his possible siblings.

"Hi. I'm Jack. I mean… I'm your dad. You can call me Jack, or J… or Dad? You can call me whatever you want really… Just please don't kick me out of here." He closes his eyes and shakes his head. Threading a hand through his hair nervously. Parker giggled. A Carter giggle. "God, you're so like her."

"Thanks," she said with a proud smile on her face. "I… Can I really call you dad?"

"Yes!" he exclaims. "I mean... If you feel comfortable doing it." He added then, in a calmer tone. "I'm sorry, I'm really nervous. I've never met a daughter I didn't know I had before…" He apologized. Parker shrugged.

"I get it. I never met a dad before. Want to sit down?" she asked, patting the bed. Jack eyed the place for a second. Nodding, he sat.

"Comfy."

"Yeah. Mom always made sure I had everything I needed and then more."

"She's great, isn't she?"

"Yeah."

"Listen, Parker."

"P… Mom calls me P unless she's mad at me, and then I'm Parker. P is good." She said seriously. Jack chuckled. "What?"

"My siblings... They call me J… I guess we should find someone that calls your mom S. Then we would be complete."

"You're silly," Parker said, shaking her head. Jack shrugged.

"I might be, but you shouldn't talk like that to your mom, P. She loves you, you know?"

"Yeah… I know. I was upset. She lied to me…" she cast her eyes down for a second. "She said you loved me," Parker mumbled. "She never said you didn't know I was even born."

"She's right, though. I love you." Jack said. The words coming out of his mouth far easier than he thought possible. Parker frowned.

"Then why haven't you ever tried to talk to me? To get to know me? I… Cassie, Aunt Janet, Uncle T… they all made an effort to at least speak to me when my mom was injured. I know I asked you to stay with her and make her feel safe… But… After she was back. You never came here. Then, when we went to your house for dinner…" She sighed. "I thought you were angry at me because I was talking. Auntie Shannon said I shouldn't worry, that you weren't mad at me. So, I don't get it…"

Jack took a deep breath.

"I'm an asshole, P. I can tell you the truth if that's what you want. Or we can leave it at that."

"Mom always said the truth was the way, no matter how much it hurt."

"That's right." Jack agreed. 'if only she would tell me the truth of what she's been through.' He thought.

"So? What's the truth?" Parker asked and suckled her lips. Jack took a deep breath.

"Your mom and I…"

"You love each other," Parker stated.

"Yes." He agreed.

"You got separated before I was born. Mom said bad guys were searching for us, and until we got our names back, you couldn't come for us. But when we returned…."

"Remember the day I saw you the first time? How I rushed out of here?" Parker nodded. "I thought your mom had forgotten me. That you were someone else's kid. I was an idiot. I should've just asked. Instead, I disliked you because I wanted to be your dad."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"Well, then we can agree I'm an idiot." He shrugged.

"I… We made something for you…" She stated, albeit a bit doubtfully. Getting up from her bed and finding the box with the thumb drives she'd collected over the years. She blushed as she presented them to him.

"What's this?"

"My life?" She shrugged. "For as long as I can remember, mom has been recordings bits and pieces of my life. When I was old enough, I started to talk to you too. I mean, not to you because you weren't there… To a camera, pretending it was you."

"You did?"

"Yes. Maybe it's silly," she shrugged. "But mom said I could talk to you and one day when you came back to us, you'll know all I've been through. She said it was time."

"Are you sure about this?" Jack asked, looking at her.

"Are you sure about being my dad?" P countered, squinting at him as if assessing him.

"Yes."

"Then… They belong to you as much as they belong to me. Take them. Maybe it helps you to know me better and then, this won't be so awkward for both of us?"

"Thank you, Parker. For giving me this chance…" he said, grabbing the box.

"It's not me you should thank for those. It wasn't my idea." Parker shrugged He smiled in understanding.

"Can I…" Jack started, then he shook his head.

"Can I… What?" She squinted at him again.

"Have a hug?" He asked hopefully. Parker grinned before she threw herself in his arms. Jack couldn't help but breathe her in. Wondering if he would ever get enough of embracing her.

"I love you, P."

"I love you, dad." Jack gulped and embraced her even tighter.

"I should go, P. We can figure out how we'll work this out, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan. Don't forget to watch me." She grinned, nodding to the box.

"Oh, God, no. That's my plan for the day."

Saturday, February 9, 2013

He had a stupid grin on his face when she saw him again. He was holding the box that contained the videos of Parker. Videos she'd made throughout the years, along with the ones Parker herself had recorded for her dad.

She remembered quite vividly how bittersweet it was to record every birthday and special event. In any other house, they would be just pictures and videos of a past that everyone remembered. In the worst-case scenario of hers, it was part of her safety net. Videos needed, in case of her demise. Videos that would help Jack meeting their daughter and raising her. Knowing what they'd experienced before.

It turned out that, for once, a best-case scenario would work out for those videos and Parker.

"She gave them to you," Sam stated the obvious.

"She did... I… Sam… This… Thank you."

"I'm sorry she couldn't… That I've never told you…." She waved her hands, unable to utter the words she needed out, to tell him she was sorry they had missed all this time because she had just assumed he knew. "She always wanted to tell her dad how much she loved him. I'm glad she gets to do that now. She needs her father. She needs someone that can teach her how to love right."

"You love right, Sam." He said, coming closer to her.

"Do I? Then why everything is so fucking complicated, Jack?" She mumbled. He lowered the box nearby and took a step closer to her.

"Teal'c said, we make it complicated." Jack shrugged. "I complicated things this time because I can't seem to keep my foot out of my mouth, whenever I am around you. I'm sorry."

He opened his arms. She chewed her lower lip. But who was she kidding? She wanted to be wrapped in his arms and find strength in him. How toxic was their relationship that she needed strength from the man that kept hurting her? That she kept hurting back? She shook her head and allowed herself to be wrapped in strong, secure arms.

Safety.

Home.

No matter how screwed up their relationship was, his embrace always made her feel safe. He always made her feel she'd arrived home after a hurricane. He tightened the embrace.

His truth was, he too needed it. Just like she'd said, his embraces could heal broken spirits. Hers was what had kept him together. He breathed her in. For the first time, not feeling the overwhelming desire to possess her, but the tremendous need to keep her safe and protected. To heal her.

He shook his head. Heal her? How could he heal her at all, when he too was broken? How could he heal her when he'd fragmented himself in so many tiny pieces that he wasn't sure he still had all of them? She sighed into his embrace. She got closer to him, and then she took a deep breath before letting him go.

Taking the box. He left without saying another word. They were never good with words anyhow. It wasn't until he'd dropped the box in the passenger seat of his truck that he felt the wet spot that her tears had left.

He closed his eyes. Her door was closed. Was it too late?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Thirteen days earlier, he'd received the most precious thing he could've ever received. He'd struggled with the idea of watching the videos. He felt he didn't deserve to know what Parker had felt through the years or how she looked like… He hadn't been there for them. He'd treated them both poorly after their return.

He still had no major clues about what had happened then. More than when Sam had testified and when a hundred witnesses had provided from their own lives. He knew they had faked her kidnapping. They had pushed him to take her to the safe house. One truth remained, weighing him down… He had let her go.

Wanting to pour out himself into watching their daughters' videos and struggling with feeling that he didn't deserve to. Jack spent the whole first weekend just sitting with a glass of water and the box in front of him. He'd added one more broken glass to the ever-growing list of broken glasses. He wondered if his wall would, at some point, scream back at him to stop throwing things at it.

He'd shaken his head when noticing how delusional he was getting, and how it already was the last hours of Sunday. He was supposed to be at work bright and early the next day. Not even the thoughts about how ridiculous it was for him to bring along the box now when there was no reason to keep those safe. At least, not as safe as he'd had to keep the one containing Sam's videos. Not even that had distracted him from the feeling that he had to hold on to that box as if his life depended on it. He didn't even feel as stupid as he thought he would, as he held it tight as he slept for the first time since he'd visited them.

Monday came too soon. He'd had to drag himself to complete his routine and go back to work. The box never left his side. He'd even placed it inside the vault in his office before he headed for a late lunch. To avoid seeing her and the pained eyes he'd created.

He avoided her, and she avoided him.

They both knew that was what was happening. Meetings were suddenly canceled or rescheduled. Problems were solved through emails. Both were aware that Janet, Teal'c, and even Daniel were just that much closer to booting their asses together and locking them inside some storage room. If only to make them talk to each other.

However, they also knew that wouldn't work. They were so damn stubborn that chances were they'd just sit inside and wait until someone realized where they'd ended up and rescued them. Until Parker wanted to know where her mother was, or some epic screw up happened that needed the expertise of both of them.

They let them be. Hoping that they would find a way to talk since they had before. But things seemed to be more complex now. The length they were going to avoid each other was worrying. They all had been witnesses to both of them just doing a 180 if the other was in the room.

The rumor mill was going crazy, too.

It had gotten worse during the first week. When somehow, someone had brought up the uncollected bet from the start of the program. The one about both Generals. Someone else had added gas to the fire by mentioning the ring that hung from Sam's dog tags. Rumors about a husband coming to find her, as to why General O'Neill was incapable of getting her back, quickly gaining ground inside the base.

"If only they knew," Jack thought. Once the new rumor had reached his ears early the previous Friday morning.

Of all the people, Daniel had stopped by his office then. He couldn't help to bring up the box. "I'm sorry, Jack. I know I was an ass to Sam. I apologized to her. I know we won't ever be friends in the same way we were before she disappeared. That's my fault, but I really was just trying to be a good friend for you."

"I know. It's not your fault I didn't ask either, Daniel." Jack sighed. "That's on me. It's not your fault I was so utterly blind when it came to Parker. I don't know why you never spoke to her about it first… Anyhow… Things had been said and done. There's no undo button now."

"And that box the rumor mill says you're carrying around?" Daniel asked.

"Parker's. Can you believe inside it there are videos of Parker's life? That Sam thought about it and saved those parts of their memories? That they made me part of their memories in all their holidays and special events, even though I wasn't there?"

"Whoa… Really? Have you seen them all?"

"No… Not yet... I'm…"

"You should, Jack. Haven't you lost enough time as it is? Who knows, maybe Parker's the bridge to fix what I fucked up?"

"You didn't fuck us up, Daniel. We did that ourselves." He grimaced. "You did screw up your chances of being her friend. It doesn't mean you aren't mine."

"Yeah, I know. I was an ass, but thank you, Jack… It really means a lot to me that you understand."

This short and charged exchange was what finally made him sit back and watch the videos Parker had given him. Daniel was right, he'd already wasted enough time.

He'd had started going through them that night. Poured over them during the weekend. He couldn't stop himself from leaving work early to sit back and watch his daughter grow in front of his eyes.

Birthday's, plays, games, her first steps, her first words, were followed by a sweet video of her telling him either 'Happy birthday', 'Happy Father's Day', 'Merry Christmas' and even 'Happy new year, dad!'.

He had chuckled between tears the most when he got a 'May the fourth be with you,' with a Vulcan salute. While Parker was wearing an Indiana Jones-like hat and some frilly bright pink skirt. Sam chuckled in the background, making his heart beat fast.

Jack couldn't decide which ones were making his heart swell with pride or break more. The ones where Parker talked to him like he was there and had always been there, or the ones Sam had recorded, and always ended with a whispered 'I love you, Jack.'

Tonight, he'd finally reached the last one. He pushed the last thumb drive on the TV and set it up to watch it.

"Hey dad, it's me, Parker. Happy Father's Day, daddy. Wherever you are…." She smiled brightly. "Mom says this might be the last one I get to do. I'm not sure if I'm thrilled about it or utterly worried. I love you, you know that, right? But… to tell you the truth, I'm terrified about meeting you."

"Do you love me? Do you care for me at all? Because I do… I can't wait to meet you and embrace you tightly. Give you all these, so you can know for sure how much I care for you. Maybe you'll even tell me, how come you let us go?"

"Mom once said we didn't have any other way. We had to get away because bad guys were chasing us. Why weren't you here protecting us from them? Will you ever tell me? Mom won't. To be honest, daddy… I think mom's worried that you don't love her anymore. I think she's scared. I think she misses you."

"I think she's missed you this whole time. I think that's why she hid in the shower and cried. That's why I pretended I never knew she did. We never talk about you, dad. It's too painful for her… Will you be able to help her? Will you love her as she is?"

"She pretends to be so strong that she doesn't care about the other people, but deep down, I know she's hurting. Because I know I miss you and I haven't even met you yet! So, it's not so hard to believe that she's feeling the same."

"Oh, well… We're coming back soon. Or so mom said, so… This should be the last time, I hope, I'll have to do this. I love you, dad. Come find us quickly, we can't live without you, anymore. We shouldn't have to live without you anymore."

Jack gulped down the lump in his chest. Cleaned the tears from his face with the back of his hand. He hadn't felt this broken since Charlie's death. He was about to start them all over again when the doorbell distracted him.

He was sure it would be Daniel, or maybe Janet, coming to find him. To try to understand why he and Sam were still acting like stupid kids, instead of talking like grownups. Why he was hiding from everyone, pushing everyone away. Not caring about his state of mind, both had, after all, seen him in worse states at some point. Without the tears that welled up in his eyes, but close to this, nonetheless. Jack opened the door and his eyes widened.

It wasn't Daniel. It wasn't Janet… At all.

"Oh, God." She said.