Got it done a little early. Hopefully the next chapters will be as fast, I have like the 25 or so decided and am doing outlines now. Enjoy!
Soundtrack for the chapter is Alexander 23- IDK you yet (Y'all. This song is such a mood, and it fits the majority of the chapter as a whole, as well as specifically the photo- you'll see)
Chapter 41-
Renji leaned against the entry doorway to the offices on the 6th, light spilling out around him as he watched the trio approach for his time with Mara. His best friend, his enemy, and his girl. She was tucked into Hisagi's side even as Grimmjow dangled off her hand. This was hell.
Still, he forced himself to watch. His neutral expression did not waver. He had to do this for her. He just had to weather the storm. Who knew, maybe it could all change today. As they drew close, his painted grin even managed to look real.
"Hisagi," he nodded in greeting, "Jaegerjaquez."
Hisagi's slate gray eyes roamed over his old friend, not missing the tension coiled in him as he gave him a wary but impressed look. Where had his hot-headed friend gone? This calculating man whom he had thought he knew so well was an entirely different beast. It made him nervous. Not for Mara, he knew Renji wouldn't hurt her, but for them. How far could this bigger, badder, smarter man manage to get?
"Abarai," he nodded back as he pulled Mara close to drop a kiss on her head. Releasing his hold on her, he met Renji's eerily similar piercing gaze. The stare off was only a moment but hung heavy with threat and maybe a tinge of sadness.
Watching the other two men's silent contest of wills, Grimmjow gave an exaggerated eye roll. Pulling Mara's hand, he spun her towards him to dip her low and give her a deep, Hollywood-style kiss. "Be good, Yume," he purred with a shit-eating grin before setting her back up on her feet.
"Really?" she said, swatting his arm but unable to help the giggle that rose in her throat.
Raising an eyebrow at the seething red-head, Grimmjow pushed her gently forward toward the entrance.
Covering his shock and anger with a mask to rival his captain's, Renji simply nodded and guided Mara in. Laying a heavy arm over her shoulder, he guided Mara in a different direction than normal. "Don't worry, guys," he said lazily over his shoulder, "first floor this time. I'm not letting her jump out another window." With that, he kicked the door shut behind him in the startled faces of those left outside before guiding Mara down a long winding hall.
"Was that entirely necessary?" she grumbled, pushing with her shoulders to shrug off him arm even though he refused to budge.
"The espada started it," Renji whined, earning him an annoyed look.
"He has a name," Mara scolded.
"Ooookay," Renji drew out, "Grimmjow then. Still doesn't change the fact that he started it."
"And you have to finish it?" Mara asked incredulously as they approached a closed door labeled "Break Room"
"Always," Renji said with a chuckle, finally dropping his arm from her shoulders, "I have a surprise for you!"
Mara raised an eyebrow as the hulking man in front of her transformed into something so damn cute she couldn't help but smile. His wide grin was electric and his step had a bounce as he flounced up to the door.
"A break room?" she teased, earning an imperiously raised brow in return.
"No," he answered exaggeratedly, "This!"
Flinging open the door, Renji enthusiastically pulled her through before waving his arm in a circle around them. "What do you think?"
Looking around the 1970's style kitchen complete with giant microwave, sea foam green cabinets and mustard-colored diamond tiles on the counters and back splash, Mara didn't know what to think. It was… Well, it was kitchen. Compared to the super-modern commercial kitchens of the barracks clashing with the traditionally Edo décor everywhere else, it was definitely unique, but it didn't seem to stand out in any other significant way.
"Its… very retro?" Mara said with a wavering smile up at Renji who seemed to deflate like a balloon. God, why did he have to look at her like she had just kicked a puppy? "I mean, it's very nice," she rushed out, trying to bring some of the spark back to him, "It's a very nice kitchen! I just don't get it? I guess it's not totally my style, but if it's yours then bravo. It looks great!"
With a snort, Renji pulled her to the Formica dining table, also in mustard yellow and seated her in an antique wooden chair, complete with patchwork seat cushions. "I knew it was a long shot," he smiled, "but I didn't pick the décor."
"What do you mean?" Mara asked as she crossed her legs up in the chair underneath her.
"I didn't pick the décor," Renji repeated, lowering himself into the chair across from her and pulling out a small brown bag, "Your great-grandmother did."
Mara smiled before the words finally hit her. "What did you just say?" she asked breathlessly.
"Your favorite stories of your family to tell me were about the times you would go to your great-grandmother's house. She, your grandmother, your mom, and you would sit around the table for hours on end and play cards and games while dinners cooked," Renji said reaching into the bag and pulling out something before setting it on the floor, "This is her kitchen."
It was as if time stopped as Mara could do nothing but stare Renji across from her. "You built her kitchen?"
"I did," Renji confirmed, "I told you I could build."
"That is insane- you!- what?" Mara finally tore her gaze from his to look around the kitchen with fresh eyes. There was so much detail, she realized from the wrapper peeking out of the wooden breadbox to Fruit Loops and Little Debbie's boxes stacked on top of the yellowed Frigidaire. Slowly she got up from the table and began looking at everything starting at the door. Key's hung from a wooden hanger engraved with names she didn't know. A buffet against the wall held handmade doilies and was piled high with receipts, mail, and a Tupperware cake carrier. The water ran clear from the faucet when she turned the cut clear plastic knobs and even the cast iron skillet on the stove gleamed bronze with use.
"How did you do this?" Mara asked, shutting the creaky oven door to turn back to Renji who lounged patiently at the table.
"I had some help," he admitted, "Ishida, at the hospital, was personally handling sending your things back home to your family and he snagged a picture for me. Your memories were good but that's what brought it together."
"A picture?" Mara asked, settling herself back down at the table across from him.
"Yeah, it helped," Renji said, setting his hands on the table to deposit the two decks of cards he had pulled from the bag and a worn polaroid, "You showed me this picture when I came over. Its of your family card club."
Sliding it over to her, he watched Mara carefully as she looked on the faces of some of her family for the first time. Gently she traced the two figures at the table, two older women who smiled jovially at the camera in a kitchen identical to the one she now sat in, from the laminate floor to the popcorn ceiling. A blonde woman looked over her shoulder, blue eyes sparkling even though her shoulder hid her smile, from where she leaned over the sink. At the front, a brunette girl made a funny face as she crossed her big brown eyes.
"You told me once that your granny had a saying. 'If you don't know where you've come from," Renji began.
"You don't know where you're going," Mara finished, raising glistening eyes up at Renji as a soft swirl of rietsu laced out from her just briefly.
Smiling gently, Renji reached out to cover her hand with his. "Who's the quote by Ippin?"
Slowly another thread of rietsu wove out. "Maya Angelou," she said softly, "My granny was ahead of her time in the south. She loved her writing and defended it even though people said she was crazy for defending the work of a black woman."
"She was stubborn," Renji said with a satisfied nod, "Now you know where you get it."
Staring down at the picture, Mara looked into the large brown eyes in the wrinkled face, so similar to her own as a child. "You really don't do things in half measures do you?" she asked Renji with a smile earning a chuckle in return. "I guess I should have expected that," she continued, "given how strong you came on with the whole 'you have to love me' thing at the beginning."
Renji's sharp eyes flew to her face to see the small smile curling the corner of her lips even though she tried to hide it. "Are- are you teasing me?" he asked in disbelief.
"Maybe," Mara said with a shrug, raising wet but smiling eyes to his as she set the photo down with reverence on the table in front of her. "This really is amazing, Renji," she told him earnestly.
"I was hoping that it would be some big stark memory moment when you walked in," Renji said casually as he unwrapped a deck of cards, "But you win some, you lose some."
"This was definitely still a win," Mara assured him, reaching out unconsciously to the deck of cards in front of her. Beginning to shuffle them like a pro, bridging them back down to always fall neatly into her hands, Mara watched as Renji opened the other deck and began fumbling with trying to shuffle the slick new cards together.
With a sly smile Renji handed her the other deck, watching her shuffle quickly before blending the decks together. "I'll say it is," he agreed softly, watching the amber flecks in her eyes grow as the calm, steady rietsu he had been aiming for seemed to fill the floor of the space and lap at his ankles like the ocean waves.
"[What we playin'?]" Mara asked in English, lilting southern accent prominent.
"Canasta," Renji answered keeping a close eye on her as the amber faded to a dull glow. It was still there but just barely. "You remember how to play?"
"I think so," Mara said, her face a mask of concentration.
She must have been practicing, Renji determined. When they last spoke she mentioned how the memories were all consuming, taking the place of what was around her. Now she appeared to be harnessing it on the fly, blending it with reality. What were the guys even doing with her to practice?
"[Deal 'em up then, little girl,]" Renji drawled back, replicating her accent to perfection and earning a shocked look. "[What?]" he continued innocently, "[You taught me things, too.]"
"I just didn't expect that," Mara said with a chuckle as she cast out the cards and then gathered her hand, "Makes this really feel like home."
"Considering what you told me about your memories," Renji said as he organized his cards, "I'm surprised you don't think I'm your grandmother right now."
Unable to help but laugh at the image, Mara turned the first card and began comparing her hand to it. "I've been working on it not being so overwhelming. I haven't tried with newer memories but with the old ones it helps."
Renji drew and discarded quickly. "What helps exactly?"
"Overall it helps to have control," Mara said as she fit her new card in her deck before selecting a discard, "but it also helps if I have an action or distraction along with it. It helps me put the memory in the background like music as I focus on something tangible."
"How are you doing that?" he asked, watching her debate.
"Fighting," Mara said with finality, setting down a card.
Renji's echoing laugh startled Mara and she looked at him with curiosity. "Go figure you would go back to fighting and that they would figure out it was something they could trigger," he said, shaking his head ruefully, "You only won silver in the junior Olympics and were training for Olympic tryouts."
"I was?" Mara asked, watching Renji lay down a red three on his board, "Oh, you lucky ass."
"And I plan on getting luckier," Renji mused, watching Mara fit another card into her hand with precision. Coughing to clear his mind Renji sat up, shimmying his cards in his hands. "Yes, you were training to be an Olympian and then you got sick. You had to stop."
"Glad I haven't had to remember that day yet," Mara said softly, "I'm mostly at the relearning weapons and 'randomly beating the crap out of Grimmjow' phase."
"Now that," Renji said emphatically, "I would pay to see."
"Why do you hate him so much anyways?" Mara asked as the discard pile between them grew.
"Really?" Renji asked, raising an eyebrow, "All your research into how you came here and can't guess why I hate hollows and espada in particular?"
With a sigh, Mara picked up the entire discard pile, slotting it piece by piece in her hand. "Correct me if I am wrong, but was that not a different espada that attacked us in Karakura Town?"
"Correct me if I'm wrong," Renji said jovially, trying to get the conversation back on track to her past, "But don't have to lay down if you are going to pick up?"
"I know I know," Mara muttered, still filing the mass of cards, "You didn't answer."
Renji leaned back with a sigh, laying his cards face down on the table and stretching his arms behind his head. He was well aware of Mara's eyes following his movements and he took advantage of that fact to collect himself. He didn't want to talk about the fucking espada. It was hard enough not talking about 'them', fuck bringing up Jaegerjaquez.
"We were up against a different espada," Renji finally said, "Ulquiorra Cifer."
"So why hold it against Grimm?" she asked, flicking her eyes back to her cards.
"Its hard to break old habits, I guess," Renji mumbled.
"Is one of those habits losing?" Mara asked with a twinkle in her eye, setting down two full books, a red three and a discard in one fell swoop.
"Fuckin' hell," Renji guffawed, "To you, yes."
Giggling, Mara shuffled the cards back into the deck, setting them neatly in a pile where Renji picked them up to deal them out again. "Look, Ippin, it's hard, ok?" he began to explain as he dealt, "It was one thing coming to grips with my friend who I assumed was a decent guy, but my enemy?"
Mara watched him struggle for words as she waited for his card and felt moved by something. Maybe it was pity, maybe it was actually seeing Renji as a friend, or maybe it was because, if today showed anything, he truly cared and she couldn't help but care back. "I'm sorry, I won't push you," she said gently, gathering her cards, "I really can tell you are trying. Look at all you set up here. You really gave me back a piece of me that I didn't know I was missing."
Watching as she looked at the polaroid again fondly, Renji smiled wide. "There is another thing to add to the ambience," he hinted.
"What?" Mara asked as she set down her hand on the tabletop.
Rising, Renji brought over the Tupperware cake container and a set of forks. Lifting the lid off he revealed a beautiful golden bundt cake to Mara's eager eyes that widened like saucers. "You know what this is?" he asked with a smile.
"Pound cake," Mara responded instantly, mouth watering and rietsu rising.
"It might not be exactly like your Granny's but it was no small feat getting it from the world of the living in America to here, so I hope you like it," he said as he handed her a fork, but Mara didn't even seem to see him.
Jeez, her Granny made the best pound cake, Mara thought as she saw it sitting in its container. Her mouth was watering as Granny set it on the table for them to just dig in with forks as they played.
"Don't get so caught up in eatin', little girl, that you forget about playin'."
"I won't," Mara promised as she chewed, already scooping up another bite. The crust was the best.
"Good then?" Granny asked as she settled herself gently into her chair, her large robe floating around her tiny figure. Mara knew you couldn't let Granny's size and frailty fool you, the woman was a shark. Whip sharp mind and sharper tongue, she was Mara's role model and older doppelganger all in one.
"Good then?" Renji said with a smile, as Mara dug in with a plethora of happy food sounds.
"Always," she said with a sigh, eyes misting as she turned back to her cards.
"What's wrong?" he asked as her eyes glistened again, but Mara looked back up at him with a smile.
"I saw her!" she said happily, "Thank you, Renji. Holy crap, just- thank you."
Smiling, Renji took a big bite of the cake. "Always."
Mara lost track of how many hands they played and had to admit that she was having a genuinely amazing time. Renji had gone all out to transport her back and it worked. He recited back every story she had told him of being around that table, making her laugh until she cried and cry until she laughed.
Eventually, they both caught themselves yawning as they set the cards down. "Believe it or not, Renji, I hate to call it a night," she said sorrowfully.
"I do, too," he said earnestly, "but you were turning your rietsu on and off like a faucet and are probably exhausted."
Mara nodded with a smile, moving to stand when Renji caught her hand. "I have one more thing for you first," he said as he lifted the brown bag back up from the ground and set it on the table.
Mara had forgotten it was there and now she looked at it and him in curiosity. What the hell else could he have to pull out of his bag of tricks after all this?
Standing, Renji tapped the photo on the table. "There is something in common between at least one of your memories that you have had and this photo," he hinted to her, "Can you see what it is?"
Mara nibbled her lip as she shuffled through the memories she had told Renji. "I don't know," she said blowing a stray hair out of her eyes before looking back up at him, "I was wearing the same shoes?'
"The same damn shoes that you wore every single day that I knew you," Renji said with a laugh, pulling out a shoe box from the bag and opening it to reveal a set of the trusty, black, low-top converse. "It's time to get you out of shinigami sandals and back to feeling like you."
Mara's peals of laughter were music to his ears as he set them in front of her. He watched as she held up the shoes, seeing that touch of amber which made his heart soar, until she withdrew her hands as a sad frustration painted her features.
"I- um- I don't know how to lace them," she admitted, cheeks turning pink.
"You remembered how to play one of the most complicated card games but not how to tie shoes?" Renji asked incredulously even as he grabbed a shoe and started lacing it without her having to say more.
"I have been told that minds are strange and fragile things," Mara parroted as Renji quickly laced the second.
"Very true," he agreed, dropping into a squat in front of her, "Not like it's the first time I've done this anyway, Ippin." Tapping the top of his strong thigh, Renji looked up at her with a smile. "Foot," he ordered.
"What?" Mara asked, shocked, looking down at him.
"I have to have your foot to put the shoe on you," Renji stated the obvious. Gently, he reached out and hooked behind her ankle to set her foot on his leg. Taking off her sandal, he tossed it in the brown bag and slipped the shoe on her. "Once it's on, just tie the bow like you did the back of the sandal," he explained as he showed her before setting her foot on the ground and reaching for the other, "It's easier now that they're laced. Once you break them in, you'll be able to slide them on an off like you used to."
Tying the second shoe up for her, Renji shot her up a smirk and a wink. "Good to go, Beautiful."
"Good to go, Beautiful," he said with a smile up at her, gently placing her foot up on the rest of the wheelchair.
"You can stop saying that now," Mara said wanly, "You and I both know that I have passed the point of it being true."
"What do I call you?" Renji asked gently, reaching up to cup her cool cheek. She had indeed changed, and it was obvious that her time was drawing near. No matter how long and well she rested, the dark circles stayed under her eyes. Her cheeks had hollowed adding to her gaunt look. Even her clothes, now bought in children's sizes, hung off her frame. But all he saw when he looked at her now, soft cheek pressed into his large palm, were her shining eyes still bright with wit and intelligence and warmth. He saw her shining, multihued hair in long curls and the sweet silent moments together of his brushing it and braiding it for her. All he saw was his Love.
"Ippin?" she answered back weakly.
"Damn straight," he said with a cocky smile, "article of rare beauty. And you are."
A gentle smile spread across her face as he rose to his impressive height in front of her. "How'd I get so lucky?"
"I keep wondering the same thing," Renji said softly, "Let me know when you find out."
"Can we go to the café first, before the park?" Mara asked, eyes brightening as Renji leaned over to kiss her sweetly.
"Of course, Ippin."
"Ippin!" Renji called out to her, trying to catch his breath, sweat dripping from his brow as he bent over Mara. "IPPIN!"
Mara's eyes shot to focus to see clouds of blue and green awash in the small space. "Renji? What… holy crap!" Instantly Mara felt out and was nearly bowled over by the force of the power in her limbs and around them. This was… this was from her. And it seemed to be killing him!
Breathing deeply, Mara focused on gathering the power back to her and cutting off the flow. Thanks to Hisagi's lessons she had gotten fairly efficient at tracking and controlling her rietsu, although never with this much power. With a nearly audible snap, the reitsu cleared the room leaving silence and emptiness in its wake. Renji leaned heavily over Mara's chair, arms braced on the back of it.
Looking up with worried eyes, Mara immediately reached up to cup both his cheeks. Running her thumb over his furrowed brow, she trailed her fingers in nervous lines to clear the stray strands of hair from his face that had escaped his braid.
She was so close. She was so close and looking at him like she actually fucking cared. It would only be small reach to kiss her, to claim her again. Renji desperately tried to keep his mind in order as he reeled from the gale-force rietsu that had run rampant to her now tender ministrations. Dropping his head on her shoulder, Renji could think of nothing but sitting down and not breaking contact with her
"Oh shit," she whispered, as Renji let out a long breath and sank to his knees in front of her, arms braced on either side of her legs. His head still hung forward, leaned against her chest. "Easy big guy," Mara breathed, "are you okay?"
Turning his head to look up at her sideways, Renji took in her worried look. Slowly unclenching his fists, he rested his hands on her hips, nearly circling them, in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. It sure was comforting to him. "I'm fine, Ippin," he said with a light squeeze, not missing her silent but escalated inhale, "Bigger question is what the hell was that?"
"A memory. A recent one," Mara said softly, tucking one of the last stray strands of fiery hair behind his ear. Goosebumps followed her fingers as she traced the lightning bolt shapes on his neck in a practiced move. She knew it was practiced. There was no fighting the connotations or implications of this memory that came through clear as day. All she had felt was love. Abounding and overwhelming Love that was as real as the chair she now sat in. As real as the man leaning into her.
"What of?" Renji asked unmoving, happy to let her explore.
"Us," Mara said shortly, her fingers pausing in their track. Renji looked up at her, sideways still, through surprisingly long lashes that made his dark eyes even more piercing. Waiting for her to elaborate, he did not utter a word to pressure her. The girl in the memory was indeed lucky, Mara realized. What she didn't know was if she could still know that girl who seemed so happy, even in her weakness.
She doubted it. To survive here, she had to be strong.
Turning his head back towards her lap before pushing himself up to face her, Renji thought about what to say; how to play it. She was clearly feeling things right at the surface. If he could just push the right spot… But looking at her, she seemed so torn. Nibbling her lip in thought with her brow furrowed, Mara didn't look up at him as he sat back. Instead, she just twiddled her now-empty fingers together.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, drawing an utterly confused look as Mara seemed surprised into stillness.
"What for?" she asked in genuine confusion.
"I really wasn't trying to make you remember me," Renji said honestly, "I wanted to give you back You. I'm not trying to push the idea of me or us on you anymore."
"I believe you," Mara said holding his gaze, "they just kind of happen when something triggers them."
Renji nodded, about to ask her more when Mara cut him off, eyes narrowing. "You're not trying to win me over anymore?" she asked doubtfully.
"Of course, I am," Renji said with a low chuckle, "I'm just not going to do it by resting on what was. That's gone."
"Is it?" Mara asked, so softly that he would have missed it if he weren't watching her so closely. Absentmindedly, she stroked her thumb over the small tattoo on her wrist, lips pursed.
Sliding his hand down her thigh from where it rested on her hip, so lightly that the touch was barely even there, he held her hand up in the palm of his own. His thumb replaced hers in its track over the tattoo. "Do you know what this means, Ippin?"
"I think so," Mara said without looking up.
"We can have that again," Renji said, still tracing his mark on her skin.
"I- No… I don't know if we can," Mara said, voice strained as she shook her head even as her eyes were locked on the point where his rough fingers were caressing her skin.
Sitting back on his heels, Renji didn't break his hold but examined her. Her shoulders were stooped, head bowed. It was like she hated saying the damn words to him so… "Why?" he asked bluntly.
Mara finally raised her eyes to meet his piercing gaze. Her look seemed to ooze equal parts sorrow and anger as she looked at him. "If you loved me- still love me- as much as I think you did," she began softly, "then how-"
Knock knock knock.
The soft knock on the door echoed through the quiet space, stopping Mara midsentence. "Go away," Renji warned without breaking eye contact with the woman across from him. They were getting somewhere. They were finally-
Knock knock knock.
"Lieutenant Abarai?" a soft nervous voice asked from the other side of the door.
"I said go away. We are fine. We're doing the fucking memory thing, and if it's the two guys outside, let them know that she is ok," Renji replied with a groan.
"But… Lieutenant Abarai, its-,"
Suddenly the door flew open revealing a kneeling shinigami shuffling away quickly and a taller, sterner one filling the frame.
"Abarai," he said, his voice a mix of apology and a serious tone that brooked no argument, "This is important."
"Richiki," Renji snarled, "Just because you have risen to 3rd seat does not mean you can barge in."
Pursing his lips patiently, Richiki walked forward purposefully and handed Renji a scroll whose seal had already been broken. "This does."
Rising gracefully to his feet, Renji snatched the scroll out of his hand and read through it quickly as Mara watched on with growing dread. Renji's expression grew darker and darker until he threw the scroll at the wall.
Deftly, Richiki caught it in the air, rerolling it and tucking it under his arm. "Captain Kuchiki has already read it, he will want to speak to you."
"Of course, he fucking does," Renji muttered before slanting a look to Richiki, "Take it to Captain Hisagi, no doubt he is being left out of the loop."
With a nod, Richiki bowed out of the room and headed away, as Renji began to pace and cuss behind him.
"Fucking- fuck, what the fucking-" he ranted.
"Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word," Mara quipped, trying to calm the beast that stalked in front of her.
"Not the time for movie quotes," Renji rumbled, still pacing.
"What is going on?" Mara asked nervously, rising to her feet and stepping in front of Renji.
"You have to go, you have things you probably need to discuss with Hisagi," Renji glared at the floor.
Stepping under his lowered head so that he had to meet her gaze, Mara looked at his strained face. "Why?" she asked slowly, "What is happening, Renji?"
"Apparently complaints have been lodged about the lack of actionable punishment and accountability of wrongdoing at the last captains meeting," Renji recited, finally meeting her eyes, "there's now going to be a formal hearing and sentencing."
"They're going after me again," Mara summed up softly.
"No, Ippin," Renji said in a dangerous snarl, "They're going after all of us.
