Chapter 11

"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."

Paulo Coelho


"What do you mean you're not coming with us to the Farmer's Market this weekend?" Bella's voice is sharp and demanding as she pierces me with a look so fierce that I almost buckle.

Pulling out yet another tray of freshly made caramels, I try to busy myself so that I don't break. The past few weeks have flown by and our new products are finally ready to be launched, which is something I'm incredibly excited and proud about achieving. However, the idea of putting myself out there on display for all of the community to see… one man and woman in particular… Well, it makes my stomach roll and my entire body freeze up in fear.

"I just don't think it's a good idea," I tell her, trying not to reveal the depth of my emotions.

"But why?!" she insists, following behind me like some insistent dog.

"Because I don't want to, Bells, now will you please drop it?!" I beg, throwing an empty tray loudly against the kitchen counter; the sharp noise bringing the both of us to standstill.

Inhaling shakily, I try to calm the familiar storm that is threatening to burst free at any moment. Jesus, I wish Paul was here.

A month has passed by since I arrived back in Forks, and although it has been filled with more pleasure and happiness than I've ever experienced in my life, I repeatedly find myself simply waiting for the shoe to drop and for everything to just blow up in my face. My mother's letter still haunts me, still unopened and buried deep in the bottom of my old backpack. And whenever Paul tries to bring up the subject of my parents, I immediately shoot him down. In addition, I've done everything I can to limit my trips into town, terrified of running into someone I really don't want to meet. Which is partly why I've decided not to join Bella and Seth at our carefully planned launch at the local Farmer's Market.

"Leah," Bella's voice is achingly soft, forcing me to shut my eyes tightly in concentration as I desperately try to calm my emotions.

Her hand touches my arm and I feel a rush of sadness run through me. Turning towards her, I do my best to meet her gaze, my eyes welling up with tears of frustration. My fear of meeting him is currently at war with the love I feel for my friend and the fact that I desperately don't want to let her down.

"Tell me why you don't want to go, please?"

Looking up at the ceiling I try to keep the tears at bay, but I soon realize that the fight is pointless. Running my hands over my cheeks, I brush away a few tears before forcing my eyes back to hers.

"I can't see him, Bells," I whisper brokenly, putting my fears into words for the first time.

Bella's brows tighten in confusion, a small frown spreading across her face as she carefully considers my weak and very vague explanation.

"Sam?"

Just his name feels like a knife to the chest, making me feel like I'm right back in high school. Unable to vocally respond, I simply nod my head, casting my eyes to the floor in shame. You'd think that after ten years, I'd be over this, but the wounds of my broken heart are still gaping just as wide.

Bella's lean, but surprisingly strong arm, wraps around my waist, her small body warm against my side.

"You can't keep hiding away from him, Leah."

The pointed, "wanna-bet" look I send in her direction makes her smile, but her expression quickly grows serious.

"Does Paul know about what happened?"

I shake my head almost violently.

"You need to tell him, Leah. You need to talk about this, if not you'll never get past this."

The flight switch in me flips on and I push my body away from her and the counter, rushing towards the door.

"Jesus, Leah, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have pushed. Please, stop!"

She's suddenly standing right in the middle of my path, hands out in open surrender.

"I'll call Charlie and have him send Sam on patrol in the opposite direction. Leah, please! You've worked too hard for this to let him take this from you. We've worked too hard for this," she takes a shaky breath.

"I swear I can make sure he doesn't show up and both you and I know that Emily wouldn't be caught dead at a Farmer's Market."

Her words make me pause, the natural instinct in me begging for me to dismiss her and get the hell away from here. However, the frantic tone in her voice and the intense look in her eyes makes the fight seep right out of me.

"Edward and his entire family is going to be there," her voice breaks, revealing a hint of her own fear.

"Leah, I know it's selfish and perhaps a little pathetic, but I really need you there. I need my best friend by my side to boost my confidence and remind me that I'm not the same girl I was back in high school, please," she pleads.

Without even thinking about it, I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me, feeling her body shake against mine as I tighten my hold on her.

"Okay," I breathe. "I'll go."

For some reason, I can't shake the feeling that I'm making a huge mistake.

§§§

My nerves almost get the best of me during our drive over to the market later that weekend. Seeing as it's the grand opening of the season, everyone is expecting a large turnout, which Seth can not shut up about. Even Jake shoots in and comments that because of the nice June weather, we'll probably see more people today than any other day in the season.

Oh joy.

In fact the only thing keeping me from escaping and running back to the safety of the farm is Paul's warm hand interlaced with mine. That and the calm and positive energy radiating from him that always makes me feel safe and like I belong. When we arrive, he stays by my side as we set up, reading my emotions perfectly even though I haven't shared a word with him about my fears. Since Clearwater Farm has grown quite large and will sell a wide variety of products and produce, we actually spread out across a few different stands. Glancing down at my watch, I see that Paul will probably have to leave soon to man one of the other stands with Jake. Feeling a sudden need for more of his touch, I curl up against him and bury my face in his wide and strong chest, inhaling in his rich and spicy scent. His chest shakes ever so slightly as he laughs, pleased and a little surprised by my sudden embrace.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on?" he asks, tilting my head back to meet his gaze.

He's right to ask, because I've never initiated such an intimate gesture in public before.

"I'm just going to miss you, that's all," I whisper, stretching onto my tip-toes to touch my lips to his.

He hums against my lips, clearly enjoying my open display of affection. Curling his arms around my waist, he pulls my body just a little bit closer.

"I'll be two stalls down, sweetheart. If you need me, you can just holler."

Lifting my arms to drape across the back of his neck, I kiss him again, lingering this time. Touching my nose to his, I whisper the next words against his lips, ensuring that he's the only one who hears them.

"I need you," I pause. "Right now."

I can see that he recognizes the seductive tone in my voice and the hot look in my eye. One thing that has only grown stronger during this past month is this absolutely boundless desire that we feel for one another. As usual, the passion between us flares up like a stick of dynamite rendering us powerless to its call. When Paul's fingers suddenly massage my scalp, keeping my head steady as he deepens the kiss to one that definitely isn't suitable for our current location.

A sharp whistle and string of cat-call successfully breaks us apart, reminding us both of where we are. Feeling my cheeks burn, I hide my face against the safety of Paul's wide chest. The wide grin on Paul's lips reveals that he's not the least bit sorry, but as he turns to address our onlookers, he appears to have the decency of looking just a little embarrassed.

"I'm glad to see that Paul was able to convince you to stay, Lei-lei."

I feel the heat spread further down my neck as I recognize the voice of one of the closest onlookers.

"Hey, Edward," I mumble, removing my face ever so slightly from the safety of Paul's embrace to greet our neighbor.

When I see who he is standing with, I almost wish that the earth would open up and swallow me whole.

"Oh, shush, Edward, you're just jealous."

The woman I spent my entire childhood looking up to, effectively slaps her son on the back of the head before moving agily around the stand, stopping only when she's standing directly in front of me.

"Dear, child, you are a sight for sore eyes, let me tell you."

Her vibrant, emerald eyes sparkle as she reaches out and squeezes my hand tightly.

"It's good to see you, Mrs. Elizabeth," I tell her genuinely, feeling my throat go tight as I'm reminded of all the things she and her husband did to help my family over the years.

"Sweet Lord, you've grown into such a beautiful woman, child. Just like your mother," her kind words makes my heart warm, even though there's a bittersweet edge to them.

Mrs. Elizabeth's eyes trail over to Paul's, her lips twitching as she tries to hold back a smile.

"The market is about to open, young man. I believe a goodbye kiss is in order, however, try to keep it chaste this time, will you. I'm glad to see you've found one another, but there's only so much an old, dried up lady like me can handle in one day."

A roguish smile spreads across Paul's face, but before he has a chance to respond we're all distracted by a new commanding voice.

"Hey, Romeo! Get over here!"

I can hear Paul's pained groan as Jake's newest nickname for him is basically announced in front of the entire town. Shaking his head, he sends me a sheepish look and shrugs. Then he proceeds by doing as he's been told, kissing me softly under Mrs. Elizabeth's watchful gaze.

"Remember, I'm just a holler away," he whispers against my cheek as he drops an additional kiss to my temple before leaving my side.

Keeping my eyes on his retreating frame, I'm unable to hide my disappointment, which Mrs. Elizabeth immediately comments.

"Ah, the joys and pains of young love," she teases, studying me carefully as she does.

Her choice of words sends a strange thrill through me, but before I've even had time to think, she's shifted her attention to the other two people that have been working hard to prepare everything for our stand.

"Bella, my dear, how nice to see you behind the stands this season."

My friend's pale cheeks flush with just a hint of color as she receives a warm hug from the most important woman in Edward's life. Glancing around, I realize that the man in question has disappeared along with the rest of our little audience. Frustrated that I hadn't been able to help my friend out when I had the chance, I quickly picked up a small tray of cheese samples and a box of caramels.

"Bella's brilliant mind and restaurant experience is behind this little venture, Mrs. Elizabeth. I hope you'll take this and share it with your family. We'd really love to hear what you think? Perhaps we could try pairing them with a few of the Cullen Ciders?"

Mrs. Elizabeth raises a single eyebrow at me, as though she's trying to figure out what my hidden agenda is. Moving to stand next to Bella, I make sure to keep my expression neutral.

"Thank you, child, I'll be sure to show Edward."

For some reason, I get the sense that she's onto me. With a knowing wink, she takes my offering and soon leaves, allowing us a few panicked moments to set up before the Market opens to the public.

§§§

Our little stall is basically slammed for the remainder of the morning. The products are flying off the shelves like hot-cakes and because we're so busy I completely forget about my nerves and actually enjoy myself. I remember working at the Farmers Market with my parents, but it had never been this enjoyable. Seth keeps the tone light with rounds of bad jokes and Bella's sweet presence and experience with customer service has the public eating out of her hand. Keeping myself busy I fill the empty shelves and make sure that Bella and Seth have what they need to make the sales. My quick calculations and mathematical mind makes it natural for me to handle most of the payments as well.

After a few hours there's a much needed break in our line of customers so I quickly run over to the Cullen stall to buy some bottles of freshly squeezed apple juice and a few delicious looking apple turnovers. Meeting Edward's aunt Esme and his Uncle Carlisle, I end up spending a little more time there than I had planned. I also end up talking briefly to Edward, where I make sure to sing Bella's praise when he compliments us on our display of new cheeses. Just as I thought he might, he reveals that he would love to talk about pairing some of our products with his for the upcoming Farmer's Market in Port Angeles. I tell him I need to talk to Bella, but that I'll make sure to set up a meeting.

Hurrying back, I'm so completely lost in my own thoughts that I almost don't notice the handsome police officer that has stopped by our little stall. Thinking he must be a friend of Bella's, I lift my gaze, mentally preparing myself to greet him. I catch a glimpse of my friend's horrified and completely distraught expression a second too late. Time slows down to a snail's pace as the tall, muscular man turns his head, revealing a face that I would recognize anywhere. His features are sharper, but his devastatingly good looks are much the same as they were ten years ago. Like a reindeer caught in headlights, I realize that there's absolutely no point in trying to hide. I feel the oxygen seep out of me and my grip go slack as the bottles of apple juice fall heavily to the ground in the exact moment that two achingly familiar brown eyes lock onto mine.

"Leah," he breathes, his voice awakening a flood of memories so strong that I can feel it down to the tips of my toes.

The intimate way he says my name feels like a thousand knives being plunged into my fatally wounded and bleeding heart.

"Sam," I whisper, as my entire body begins to shake.