Talking! Can you believe they know how to do that?

Enjoy!

M.

(We are so close to the end that I'm starting to mourn it xD)

Chapter 101

"Weeks later, I became Parker Bennet," Sam whispered.

"The one you said saved you," Jack stated.

"Yeah," Sam lowered her head, hiding it on her knees. Feeling an overwhelming shame of needing someone else to push her to save herself.

"The one that Jordan met."

"She met Jordan, and Jordan figured out my alter ego."

"The Grand Empress," He stated. She looked up. "That was the name in the chat we had way back then when you tried to rescue Teal'c." Jack shrugged. "Who is she, Sam?"

"Me… She's me." She bit her lip harshly. He moved closer to her. Caressed her face and placed an errant strand of hair out of her face. "She was a necessity. You knew me… You knew how I wanted to do much more than I could. To save the world," she chuckled dryly. "I couldn't do shit being me. Just a junior officer"

"You were bound by rules and regulations."

"Yeah. With little of a thought, I created her. It was risky and oh so rewarding, and I always was such an adrenaline junkie…. Back then, my nickname was something stupid I can't even remember. There was some shit happening, rumors of people abusing their power. So, I broke into the Pentagon, I have no idea what I expected to find, or how I was supposed to make any difference… But that action won me the title of Grand Empress of Hacking. My code was well known amongst the community because I was always helping around."

"And no one ever figured it out?" He frowned.

"Eventually, once I landed a post in the Pentagon, the USAF did. That's when they asked me to join the Stargate Project. To help them develop not only the software but the security of their network. That's why it was so easy for me to enter both sites. I'd done it before," she shrugged. "It also helped that no one found my initial server."

"Your server?"

"Yeah, it's hidden among the SGC servers since the beginning. I always thought it was the best place to keep it. Right in plain sight." She chuckled. "I used that to start digging for information. The Trust had figured out that I had to have hardware somewhere. They were going crazy, trying to find it. Wanting access to it, trying to figure out what I knew. That's why they brought McKay along for that incident with Teal'c. It was also why they wanted him on SG-1. To see if any of you knew where it was."

"But we didn't… We, well, I didn't have any clues you had a server."

"No. No one knew." She shook her head. "McKay, though, he's clean. He wanted to access my code. As in Samantha Carter's code. To see if I was contacting you, and what else I knew. He didn't know I was the Grand Empress too. When he figured out, he posted a message on the dark web. Warning me about what he was supposed to do. I found it, and I cleaned my old SGC laptop from any access they thought they could get. I only could do that, because McKay had left it open and connected. Hoping I would read his warning and remove anything I needed from there."

"And I hated that guy!"

"Oh, for what I've heard, he can be an ass. A well-meaning one, but still an ass. Anyhow, as you know Jordan recognized who I was."

"The Grand Empress."

"Yeah, that's why he was so adamant that I could create my own company because he had seen what I could do. We worked well together. It wasn't until the last day in that office, when someone brought up my picture, that Jordan learned I was also Samantha Carter. It was also the day Parker Bennet died."

"What happened next?" He asked. Hoping they would be able to follow through with this. Jack knew if he was in her shoes, he wouldn't be able to continue for weeks if they stopped. So he kept pressing.

"The next few identities were a blur. Right from the beginning, my gut told me there was something wrong. It only added to my distrust that they kept giving me careers we all knew wouldn't stick. I was right. There wasn't enough time for me to do anything else other than try to lie low and fit in."

"Who were you when you send Jordan to the SGC?" Jack asked. Her face fell. She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. That one was the one that hurt the most.

"Morgan Reynolds."

"How did she know what had happened at the SGC?" He wondered. That was something he had always wondered in the back of his mind.

"She was a schoolteacher. They gave me some extra money to buy stuff for Parker and I diverted it for computer parts."

"And the Grand Empress made her appearance." Jack grinned.

"Yes!" She said, standing up and embracing herself by the middle. "I had contacted Jordan for help before. With work and Parker on the way, I knew I wouldn't be able to take care of everything. I hacked into the SGC and I set up an alert system. I got the same error message when it appeared in the control room. I…" she sighed and looked at him. "I couldn't stop myself from trying to help."

"I had hoped you would appear out of the blue. When he showed up… I couldn't fully believe it. Not until he mentioned…" he waved. "The red underwear." He stood up and walked towards her. He embraced her and he breathed her in.

"I've missed this," she confessed in a sigh.

"My old bones crushing you in an embrace?" He joked.

"No. You, loving me until I feel that I'm worthy of it. Even if I'm not." She whispered, he moved away, turning her in his arms to look at her in the eyes.

"I still need to understand, why you think you're unworthy of me? When I know I'm the one who is unworthy of you."

"Morgan." She said, diverting her eyes. Unable to face him.

"I don't understand."

"Morgan was the beginning of me playing with people like I was being played."

"That's not where it started. You've said that to me before…" She shook her head.

"Before this mess… I thought I wasn't worthy of you because I wasn't all that gung-ho superhero-like soldier. Do you know? Like you…"

"I'm so far from a gung-ho superhero-like soldier that you've just offended all superheroes that exist." He joked.

"No, really, Jack. You've done things… Good things, bad things. You killed people and saved a helluva lot of people too." She waved.

"And you didn't? Fuck, Sam. You saved me from Edora. You saved your dad from his death by suggesting him as a host. You saved the world several times over, and all that, before you were forced to disappear. Then, you went and saved people who didn't even know they could or needed to be saved. So, please tell me, explain to me… Why you don't see this?" He frowned, confused by it all.

"Because…" she lowered her eyes. Taking a step away from him, turning away from his smoldering gaze.

"That's not an explanation, Carter. Even I know that."

"I played people, okay?! I played with a lot of people. I played with the law. I broke so damn many fucking rules that if you can find one I didn't, I'd be surprised!" She blushed, feeling the shame of being so far from the woman everyone thought she was. The fierce officer, the brilliant albeit naïve genius, the proper lady.

"Frat rules." He stated then, bringing her back.

"What?"

"You didn't break frat rules. You were out of the USAF when we got married, and we're still married now. You didn't break frat rules. Now you're stalling. Morgan…" She sighed.

"I was finally settled enough to be Morgan and have a somewhat organized life. It was the one name I held for the longest time. So long... That Parker was born as Jessica Reynolds. Kira found me that day. She asked what I wanted to name her and outright told me she knew Parker was your daughter. I don't know why she didn't add that to her file. To our file. I think, by then, she knew there was something fishy with the whole situation, just like I did…" She sighed. Pinching the bridge of her nose before she turned around with guilty eyes. "Then I died. They killed me." His breath hitched, and he brought her close.

"Mark organized your funeral," he confessed into her ear. "I was debating between believing you were finally safe and believing you did die. Either way, all I knew was that I'd lost you for good."

"Never, Jack. I was always there watching over you." She said, kissing him.

"It was so fucking hard not having you. Everything was so fucking hard, knowing how heartbroken everyone was. How I couldn't tell them you might be alive, because, at that point, I wasn't sure you were."

"I'm here now." Her forehead rested against his, and her hand traced slowly the contours of his face.

"Yes… You are." He said kissing the palm of her hand.

"At first, I thought it was a mistake. That they had killed me, and it became viral by mistake. Later, I figured out that what they wanted was to get me out of where I was. Logan… Rob… He had given Morgan away not knowing who I was. Thankfully, Kira was on to them. She restarted all the protocols, taking care of my case by herself. Parker and I hid on a farm for a while. Kira also told me I should get out of the program as fast as I could. That time was closing in on me."

"So then, you created the companies…"

"Yeah…" she sighed. "I began to lose myself around then. I hate the woman I've become, Jack. I hate me so much." She confessed in a terrified cry. He pulled her close.

"And I love you, her… All of you," Jack said, claiming her lips again. He didn't stop, neither did she. They fell onto his couch and made love once more. It was bittersweet with all they'd lost and what little they'd learned. It was reassuring and overwhelming. Her nails traced fiery lines on his back and her heels dug deeply, sending him further in. Pushing him closer. Urging him to go faster, to consume her whole. To free himself. To free her. Until there was nothing more to do than cross the line and collapse with trembling limbs.

"Want to continue your story or you think you need some a rest?" He asked, caressing her face once they calmed down a little.

"If I don't let it out now, Jack…. I'm not sure I'll ever tell you the rest." He sighed. Moving so she could lie half on top of him.

"Why do you think you've lost yourself?" He asked after a while.

"I took all the wrong turns to get here," she shrugged. "Like Maybourne warned both of us. I pushed people to do things I'm not sure they would've done otherwise. Just like they did. I bought people out of their lives, offering them safety. That was fucked up because I was the one making the moves so they would need to change their names again. So they wouldn't lose their safety detail before I could get my hands on them."

"Yes, but it was that or a life who knows were under the Trust's grasp."

"It doesn't take the weight of what I was capable of doing from my shoulders. It doesn't make me that much different from them."

"Oh, but it does, Sam. It does. Here you are, worried about the things you did. You saved people from a different form of slavery. You didn't make them your slaves. You offered them jobs and a way to try to return to the life they knew. You offered them a miracle, and you fulfilled your end of the bargain. You're different from them, Sam. Because you care. It's that care what is breaking you." She shook her head and sat. He followed.

"What? Sam, you've killed before, you've got blood on your hands. You didn't mention that being wrong once. But toying with people to save them is what makes you worthy of self-hate… I really don't understand. I need to understand… Please tell me why?" She embraced her legs tightly and hid her face from him.

"I killed to survive. I killed because I was ordered to. I killed because there was no other choice. I killed because we were in the middle of a fucking war, Jack. I was a soldier, and I had to protect the country, the whole damn world!"

"That's all true." He said. "Yet you don't hate yourself for it."

"I do… It's just… There's an excuse. It wasn't something I did because I wanted to… That makes the world of difference, believe it or not."

"Sam… I don't follow you… I don't understand what you aren't saying." He said. She looked up; tears welled up in her eyes.

"I hate me because I did all I did because I was selfish, Jack. I did it because I couldn't live without you. Don't you see it? Everything I did before, I did for some heroic reason. Because of my fucking ego, or some misguided hero complex! But this… Sending people to jail, pushing people out of careers, leaving kids parentless, crumbling marriages with one partner ending up in a hole who knows were depending on the level of security they had…. All of that, I did it for myself! Because I couldn't deal with not being me. I couldn't make myself live a life without you. I couldn't settle for a life where your child wouldn't know you. I did all of this for me… How does that make me different from anyone else that ended up in jail for my actions?" She covered her mouth with her hand, finally letting out what was eating her alive. Wording out the blame she had put on herself. He moved closer, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"You might think they ended up where they are because of you, but that's not right." He whispered. "They are where they are because they chose to take part in the shit, they took part in. You didn't push them to take bribes. You didn't create scenarios that would force people out of the lives they knew. You didn't try to get the brightest minds of the country on your turf and send them away to do some weird shit to alien civilizations that wouldn't stand a chance against them. You did so much more in your attempt to get back than you realize. Is this the same reason you think you don't deserve being a General?" he asked then.

"Yeah. I…" She inhaled deeply. "I wasn't going to return like this, Jack. I was going to present my resignation or retirement letter once I was back to being Major Carter. But… I don't know what the fuck is wrong with Hayes! He has this weird idea that I'm a wonder woman or something. He had Paul going to extremes to provide the background I needed."

"Davis?" Jack wondered, connecting the dots.

"Yes. Do you know he's the one who placed that resignation letter in my file? He made me and Hammond sign it without us even noticing it. He also slipped my reassignment letter to Hammond. Anyhow, they created this whole thing about me being on a mission for them. I had no fucking clue about it until he testified, and it appeared on the servers. I never knew about the promotions, because Davis never put them into the servers, until the morning they offered me the SGC."

"I knew Davis was onto something, but… I never knew what it was. If you didn't want to, why did you take it?"

"Pride? A chance to get back to you? I guess, subconsciously, I knew I would avoid finding you until I was ready. Here we are, and I still don't think I'm ready to face you." She shrugged, and he shook his head.

"Are you ready to get back to me now?" He asked, his eyes boring holes into hers.

"Yes." She whispered.

He took his dog tags from his neck and opened it to get the two rings that still hung from it. The blue rock from one shone in the light as they slid from the chain and into Jack's hands. She did the same, getting the ring that was once given to her.

"Samantha Carter, will you take my ring again?" He asked. She sucked her lower lip and nodded.

"Yes, Jack… Always." She said offering him her hand. He slid the ring on her finger slowly.

"Perfect fit." He said, his eyes twinkled. Then he placed his ring on her hand and she placed hers on his. Their wedding bands slid quickly into the place where they had belonged almost since the beginning of their journey. They smiled before he pulled her up and walked her towards his room. They finally settled comfortably in the bed. Snuggling so close together that it was difficult to say where one ended and where the other began.

"Sam…"

"Yeah?"

"You do realize we have to be on base in less than two hours, right?"

"Yup. There's a duffel in my SUV. Maybe you could get it when you get dressed?"

"Sounds like a plan." He said. "Wait… Sam?"

"Yes…"

"You're pregnant?"

"Yup."

"And we did all that? God, will the baby be okay? Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Sam chuckled.

"Jack… Relax, everything will be okay."

"Are you sure?" he frowned, nuzzling her head.

"No, but at least I know whatever it happens, we'll always be willing to find each other."

"You sure you betcha!"

"Jack…"

"Yeah…" He trailed, caressing some lazy patterns on the bare skin of her back.

"I think we should take everyone's advice and see someone to help us deal with the shit in our heads." She mumbled against his chest. "You know, really talking to them… The one I visited wasn't that bad… Janet said she has a private practice too…"

"Are you sure about it?" Jack asked. She raised herself enough to watch him.

"You think asking for help would make us weak?" She chewed her lower lip. He thought about it for a second.

"No," he shook his head. "I think it would make us brave."

"Then… There's nothing to lose and the world to gain. Isn't there?"

"I guess you've gotten yourself another deal, Mrs. O'Neill." He smiled. She lowered herself on top of him again. Embracing him as tightly as she could.

"Sam…" Jack mumbled after a while, tightening his embrace. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Anything…"

"Why did you put my gun to your head?" He wondered. It was the question that had been burning in the back of his head since he saw it happen. She sat on the bed, embraced her legs, and sighed.

"Did it have any bullets in it?" She asked. Wondering if things had changed for him too, in those years.

"It had one… at some point. Then I realized it wasn't worth it. That I would cause more pain than I was suffering." He answered. "So, no. There wasn't a bullet in it when you held it."

"Deep down, I knew that. I'm not sure why I did it, Jack. I just felt drawn to it. Once the barrel was settled against my skin, I thought everything would be all right if I wasn't there. I've thought about it several times…" She looked at him. "I've thought about it my entire life."

"What stopped you?"

"Parker picture… and that…" she said, pointing to the picture on his bedside table. "Us. I guess the hope is the last thing one does let go of…"

"I guess it is." He said, moving back and pulling her into his embrace again.

"I love you, Jack," she whispered, placing a kiss over his heart.

"Magnets, Sam. That's just who we are," Jack smiled, placing a soft kiss on her hair. "I love you too."

"I'll set the appointments with the Doc come morning," she smiled, eyes drifting shut as she felt the safest she had felt since the day it all had started.