A/N: I personally love this chapter :)) I hope you do too!
By the time Asha awoke the next day, the sun was already high in the sky. She had that sensation of sinking regret one often feels after a drunken night out. Dreading the inevitable prospect of looking Snape in the eye in the daylight, she tentatively poked her head out the bedroom door. Fortunately, there was no sign of the professor. Bundling up a towel and fresh clothes she headed to the bathroom, deciding she was in need of a long, scalding shower to cleanse herself of the feeling of her exposed dirty secrets plastered on her skin.
It was mid-afternoon by that time Snape arrived home. Asha was sitting at the dining table gnawing at day-old bread roll she'd found in the pantry. He threw his cloak across the living room armchair and strode into the kitchen, dumping a stack of tattered textbooks in front of Asha.
"What's this?" Asha asked. Clearly in no hurry to answer, Snape waved his wand at the kettle which instantly began to boil, and levitated a mug out of the cupboard.
"You seem to do rather well academically," Snape drawled, eyeing her shrewdly, "with the exception of Potions."
Asha gave him a sheepish look before replying, "Yeah, well that's because I don't..." Snape was giving her a cold look. "... Potions isn't... I just don't find it as, er, interesting as other subjects," Asha finished. Snape seemed to swell with annoyance. He plucked his newly brewed cup of tea from the air in front of him and glowered at her.
"Potions can provide effects far more potent, be it beneficial or dangerous, than that of any spell," he said coldly. "The art is complex and anyone who develops advanced skill has exceedingly more power and opportunity than those who lack the talent or discipline required. I know, Winters, that you are sharp enough to recognise the potential and precedence of potion brewing. Your disinterest in the subject simply stems from a lack of patience, focus, and willingness to apply yourself."
"Yes exactly! I'm glad you understand," Asha replied cheerfully. Snape had brought his cup of tea to his lips but paused at these words before lowering the cup once more.
"Excuse me?" said Snape, an eyebrow raised threateningly.
"Well, you're right. Of course I understand the potential of potion brewing. And my lack of enthusiasm to learn about it is totally illogical. But I can't help it. It's not the same as casting magic." Asha felt a familiar buzz of excitement. "Real magic; the kind you can feel coursing through your veins, the feeling of power and control in that buzz of potential energy when you hold your wand. The results are instantaneous and thrilling. The power of a potion lies within the substance itself, but magic... magic comes from within you. It makes you feel alive, makes you feel connected with the world around you. I know I'd be a better witch if I put more effort into your class but I just can't bring myself to invest. I mean, sure, the results are fascinating and exciting, but the brewing itself is so boring - I can't stay focussed and patience is definitely not a strength of mine. Plus, I don't like precision or following strict rules - I like the guessing and gut instinct and imagination that you need in Defence Against the Dark Arts. So, I just think Potions is for me." Feeling satisfied with her explanation, Asha lent back in her chair and waited to see how Snape would respond.
For a split second, he looked a little taken aback. But he quickly returned to his usual stern self.
"Been looking forward to lecturing me on the inadequacies of my subject, have you?"
"No, I-"
"Winters, I don't think you fully understand what the practice of potion brewing offer you." Snape pulled up the chair next to Asha and sat down. "The reason you don't like precision or self-discipline is because you are not good at it". Asha opened her mouth to retort but Snape continued. "It's true, and you should listen to me. You suffer from a constantly wandering mind and a need to always be engaged and distracted. You can't tolerate boredom. Have you heard of Legilimency?"
"No," Asha said cooly. She was annoyed at him for drawing harsh conclusions about her character despite hardly knowing her at all. Deep down she was also unnerved that his statements might in fact be correct.
"In essence, it is the act of navigating through the layers of another's mind, though it comes in many forms. I used it on you the day you arrived here - do you remember?"
Asha thought back to the moment when she was sat on the couch with her wounded leg and Snape had looked at her intensely, somehow causing images of the truth to flicker in front of her eyes.
"That's what that was!" said Asha, then, overwhelmed with curiosity, "can you do it without people knowing? Is it hard to learn? Can you learn to block it?" Snape smirked at her hungry reaction.
"One can learn to shield their mind, but some minds are more closed off and difficult to penetrate than others. A small portion of people naturally keep their mind's defences up at all times. They lock down their thoughts and compartmentalise them; seal them off from even themselves. A mind like that is very guarded, rigid and disciplined." Snape gave Asha a calculating look. "Surprisingly, that is what I found in your mind, the night I caught you out by the lake. I usually use Legilimency on students to determine whether or not they are lying. You told me that was your first time sneaking out of the castle and I was highly doubtful of that. However, your mind's walls were unconsciously up and I was unable to detect whether you were indeed telling the truth or not".
Despite hearing this satisfying achievement, Asha's face dropped, realising what Snape was saying. "But my mind isn't like that anymore..."
"No. Well, it wasn't two days ago," said Snape.
Asha looked down at her hands, which were still clutching the bread roll. After a beat, she mumbled, "What does this have to do with-"
"It's just an example. If the subject of potions doesn't interest you, learn it for the skills that can be applied to other aspects of your life. Teach yourself tolerance, self-control, unwavering focus despite you're mind's chronic tendency to drift." He paused and chose his next words very carefully. "You've started to slip this year Asha, and people have noticed. And I think it has frightened you. This is your opportunity to gain back composer and control."
Asha knew Snape was watching for her reaction. She was extremely uncomfortable with how much of her he had deduced. It was now clear he was a much more observant and shrewd man than she had initially given him credit for. She needed to watch out.
"You mean protect Professor Binn's cupboard doors?" she finally replied, in reference to the unfortunate and now renowned incident where she had punched a hole in the History of Magic textbook cabinet. The corners of Snape's mouth twitched.
"Yes, something like that," he said quietly, "...and perhaps other things".
Asha turned away at this, her stomach lurching. The thought had already crossed her mind but she had rapidly pushed it away. Charlie. If she had been able to properly focus her mind in the hospital; to reel in her thoughts and emotions; hone in on logic and reason, things would've gone very differently that summer. He was right. She desperately needed a way to detach herself from her constantly whirring thoughts. Perhaps this was it. And he was willing to help her.
She looked at him dead in the eye and said with an air of serious commitment, "Okay." His eyes flicked back and forth between her own as if searching for something.
"Good. Start with this." he handed her the scruffiest book from the top of the pile. "I want you to read it thoroughly and in its entirety before brewing anything."
"But this a beginners book!" Asha objected, "We made all of these potions in second year!"
"I'm surprised you remember, given your severe lack of engagement in that class. However, I think you'll find that what most of the students did, yourself included, was haphazardly throw together a vague semblance of the require ingredients and produce a substandard, and in some cases totally ineffective, poor excuse for a potion. This week, however, your aim will be to produce flawless versions of these potions."
Already Asha was thinking how much more fun it would be to work on her baubillious charm instead. But Snape had persuaded her that trying to improve her potions skills could be very beneficial and address some of the problems she had faced last year, so she swiped up the book and headed out onto the porch to read it 'thoroughly and in its entirety'".
Over the next two weeks, the potions master and his student co-existed quite comfortably. Well, more comfortably than expected - Severus Snape wasn't one to describe the presence of another human as 'comfortable'. But most of the time they managed to stay out of each other's way. Early on, Asha did offer to cook dinners or do chores but Severus had declined with such finality that she didn't bring it up again.
It was clear to the professor that Asha was still struggling with her temptation to do magic. He also noticed her eyes occasionally wandering to gaze longingly at his collection of Dark Arts tomes. However, she restrained herself, respected his rules and gave him as much space as possible for two living under the same roof.
It was the first time he had seen her work ethic in action and was secretly pleased with her apparent determination. Improvement was slow and watching her fail to focus was infuriating. During the first couple of days, the number of times he had to demand Asha start a potion again after she had, yet again, lost count of her stirring was exasperating. He'd catch her standing in front of her cauldron, staring out the kitchen window with a strange, blank look on her face.
Severus couldn't deny that he found her slightly more intriguing than the usual adolescent brats that populated his class. No, that was a lie, he found her to be utterly perplexing. She possessed magical abilities far beyond what she should be capable of; she thought and behaved unlike any Hogwarts student he had seen. It was disconcerting that she had managed to stay below his radar for her first couple years at Hogwarts. He was usually good at reading students and their intentions and potentials - most of which didn't amount to much. The fact that the Ministry hadn't detected her underage magic combined with her unexplainable interest in Slytherin lineage raised even more questions. Though Dumbledore had convincingly denied it, Severus felt sure there was something strange going on.
Finally, two weeks into the summer break, Snape received a letter notifying him that Albus had returned to Hogwarts. Leaning on the porch railing, he called "Professor Dumbledore is back at Hogwarts. I am hoping you will be able to stay there for the remaining duration of the break".
Asha, who was perched on the garden wall, spun around, looking uncertain. But, suddenly her expression brightened.
"I'll be able to do magic there?"
Snape's face twitched in irritation. "If the Headmaster allows it."
"When will I leave?" Asha asked, unable to prevent a broad smile breaking out across her face.
"I hope you don't forget about those potions I expect you to have perfected by the start of term," he drawled. "Go and pack your things."
In her excitement, Asha made the mistake of boldly leaping down from the wall and twisted her ankle in the landing. Snape watched in disapproval as she swore under her breath and fumbled in her pockets in search of her wand. Realising it was stowed away in her trunk to prevent her from habitually using it or being tempted to use it, she looked up at him sheepishly.
"Do you think you could..." she began.
Snape sighed in exasperation and flicked his wand in the direction of her injured foot, muttering "Episkey".
Back inside the cottage, Asha grabbed her cauldron and a couple of the potions textbooks off the dining table and stuffed them into her trunk, along with a few other items which were strewn around her bedroom. She hauled her trunk out into the living room. Inevitably her eyes wandered to the banned bookshelf. 'Why am I so interested anyway?' said a voice in her head, 'most of what's in those books is nasty and dangerous'. 'But it's also fascinating,' piped in a different voice, 'pushing the limits of magic!'. And books like those were hard to get your hands on. It would be her last chance...
"Contemplating yet another betrayal of my trust, Winters?" came a deadly voice from behind her. Asha hadn't even heard him approach. "After all I've done for you?"
"No," she said hastily, spinning around to face him. He was certainly not convinced.
"We need to talk about how you're getting to the castle," said Snape, changing the subject.
"Can't you just apparate me to the gates?" asked Asha. Snape pressed his lips together and rolled his wand between his fingers, seemingly deliberating something.
"You see, the thing is, I am not particularly happy with the idea of Professor Dumbledore knowing you have been staying with me these past couple weeks," he said. Asha suddenly realised she absolutely agreed. She did not want to have to explain to Dumbledore why she had refused to set foot in the Foster Home. Especially when he had so graciously persuaded them to take her in once every year.
"Yes, I had a feeling you might agree," Snape continued. "As far as he knows, you have been at the Foster Home since break began. I took the liberty of contacting the Head Matron a couple of nights after you arrived, telling her you would not be joining them this summer." Asha felt a twinge of guilt at this statement. Being preoccupied with other things, she hadn't thought to do that. "I'm going to apparate you to Hogsmeade. From there I want you to send an owl to Dumbledore telling him you persuaded a witch in East Sussex to apparate you and you have been struggling to resist using magic." At this Asha furrowed her brows.
"I don't want him knowing that!" she said.
"Too bad," Snape said sharply, "Lies are more convincing if they're based on truth. Besides... I think that of this he ought to be made aware." Asha pursed her lips. Deep down she had known her slight 'magic addiction' wasn't normal, but she didn't like the idea of other people identifying the 'inherent wrongness' that she could feel lurking somewhere within her.
"You will ask him very politely if you may return to the castle for the remainder of the break."
"What if he says no?"
"I believe he won't do that. He-"
"What if he doesn't believe me? Every time he looks at me I get this feeling that he can see right through me"
"Make your letter convincing and he'll likely be too busy to see you in person."
"Busy doing what?" Asha asked, genuinely curious. Snape ignored her. He made Asha write the letter out three times before he was satisfied.
Even though this time she was prepared for the apparition, it didn't make the sensation any less unpleasant. She gripped Snape's arm fiercely as they were sucked through the void. Standing on two feet had never felt so sweet as they landed on a deserted road outside Hogsmeade. Asha turned to face her professor. He was only a few inches taller than her. It was strange how much their relationship had changed in two weeks. He now knew far more about her than any other living person. And in turn, she knew him better than any other Hogwarts student ever had. Asha cleared her throat and forced herself to look at him.
"Thank you," she mumbled. That feeble courtesy was all she could manage. She didn't like the vulnerable feeling that came with expressing genuine gratitude. Snape would surely understand that though - even now he also looked to be uncomfortable with the gesture. Asha stuck out her hand. After a moment's hesitation, Snape reluctantly shook it. His hands were slender and his grip strong.
"Hopefully next time I see you I won't have spent four weeks living on the streets of Hogsmeade," Asha joked, getting a little kick out of seeing him find it the opposite of funny. She bit back a smile and turned around, dragging her trunk along the cobbled road towards the town. A familiar crack echoed behind her.
