Chapter 12

"Do not mock the pain you haven't endured."

Anonymous


A strange noise begins to ring in my ears, reminding me of a swarm of bees, making it almost impossible to hear the next words that fall from his mouth.

"It's so good to see you after all these years."

He speaks as though he's truly happy to see me again; as though he doesn't remember the pain he put me through, the betrayal… the heartbreak. When he actually takes a step forward to take my hand or worse, hug me, I feel a rush of adrenaline and quickly move away.

"Don't touch me," my voice is annoyingly weak.

The way his brows tighten with frustration over my reaction is yet another sign of his ignorance.

"Leah," he practically scolds.

It's clear that he thinks I'm overreacting, but I'm pleased to realize that I don't care. Honing on to the immense amounts of energy I feel flooding my system, I crouch down to pick up the bottles I dropped and try to stride past him to get to the safety of our stall. There's no reason for me to stand here and talk to him, unless I want to, which I don't.

"Stay away from me, Sam," I tell him firmly as I pass by him, my attention diverted when I see Bella's small frame rushing towards me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a movement, but nothing can prepare me for the searing pain I feel when his fingers curl around my wrist, forcing me to a stop.

"Now, hang on for a second," he begins, clearly unwilling to let me go.

However, before either of us really have a chance to react, Sam's body is violently pushed away from me, a tight fist painfully connecting with his jaw.

Quite a few things happen after that.

"Motherfucker!" Jake roars out in pain, toning down his manly "I'll-beat-you-up" image as he cradles his injured hand like a baby.

Bella appears at my side and we both watch in shock as Sam loses his footing and falls to the ground, clearly affected by Jake's sharp left hook. In a matter of seconds, every single pair of eyes present in the market has locked onto the drama that is currently unfolding in front of the Gorgeous Goats Creamery stall. Even Seth is watching the train wreck of events occurring with wide, open eyes as though it's some great action movie.

Jesus.

"What the-?"

I could probably recognize Paul's voice anywhere after spending the amount of time that I have with him, but when he actually runs over to help Sam back to his feet, there's an immediate sour taste in my mouth.

"Jake! What the hell were you thinking?!"

Edward appears next to Paul, both steadying Sam as he sways ever so slightly. Injury forgotten, I watch as a fury and uncontrollable rage spreads across my best friend's face. Suddenly afraid of what he might reveal, I rush to his side, pulling at his arm to make him stop. My efforts are in vain, Jake simply shrugging away from my touch as he takes several threatening steps towards Sam instead.

"Don't you even think about laying a hand on her again!" he yells, his dark eyes blazing.

Something in the past few seconds must have awakened Seth, because he's suddenly put himself between Jake and Sam, urging my best friend to calm down. The protective instincts within the man who is practically my brother, however, aren't easily swayed.

"You hear me, Sam?! You touch her again and I will end you!"

Sam's responding chuckle makes my skin crawl. To think I used to think him charming…

"Are you threatening a police officer, Black? What? Assaulting one isn't enough for you? You really want to add that to your charges?"

Nausea rolls through me and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from doubling over.

"Sam, please," Paul pleads, the obvious companionship between them highly unsettling.

"He attacked me, Paul, you expect me to just forget that?!"

"Perhaps, he had a good reason," Edward joins the conversation, his voice hard as he sends a pointed look in Sam's direction, who immediately shuts his mouth.

Paul glances back and forth between Edward and Sam, clearly confused. However, when Sam's eyes briefly flicker in my direction, it's like a light switch has been turned on and Paul's entire expression changes. His jaw clenches so tightly that I'm afraid he'll snap his teeth and his onyx eyes narrow revealing deep suspicion. Shit.

My stomach churns uncomfortably. Paul isn't going to let this go until I've bared my soul to him. Something I really don't know if I'm ready to do. Glancing around, I feel my cheeks burn as the full weight of every single pair of eyes present hone in on me. Their not-so-subtle whispers and open judgement living proof that they haven't forgotten. No matter how many years have passed; no matter how hard I work to keep my head down and try to lay under the radar, they'll never forget. I should never have come back. Panic begins to bubble up inside of me and I feel my breathing reach an almost frantic pace as I'm pulled back to that horrible day. My last and final day at Forks High. That day I'd tried to confront Sam, but where everything just went so utterly to hell.

As though she can sense the turmoil inside of me, Bella appears at my side, rubbing my back as she whispers soft words of comfort as she tries to stare down each member of our audience. I know it won't help, but I appreciate her efforts. Unfortunately, I can't hear her words, the whispers and the sound of my racing heart drowning her out.

"I think it's time for you to leave, Officer Uley," Edward continues, making it clear that it isn't a request.

Sam glares at him and for a moment I'm sure he's going to argue, but he doesn't. Then his eyes move first to Paul's, lingering there for a short moment, before they once again move in my direction. Turning my face away from him, I do what I can to ignore him, concentrating instead on a discarded plastic bag near my feet. I hate that he still has such power over me. The moment I see Bella's shoulders sag with relief, I know he's left. I startle when Jake suddenly appears and wraps a protective arm around my shoulders, but soon I'm tucked safely against his side, his body heat soothing my tense muscles. Feeling some of my panic subside, I'm able to find the courage I need to join him and the others as we watch Sam get into his Police Cruiser and drive away.

Eventually, the crowd begins to disperse, I can still feel their eyes on me, but the market appears to be slowly returning to "normal". Looking down at my hands I realize that I'm still clutching the treats I bought earlier.

Earlier…

Right now that feels like a lifetime ago.

Sighing tiredly, I turn and hand my purchases over to Bella, who takes them from me without question. Feeling her worried eyes on me, I quickly avert my gaze, realizing that I don't have it in me to assure her that I'm okay right now. In fact, it becomes more and more clear that I honestly can't handle being here for another second. I need to get out here… I need-.

"I'm going to take Jake to get his hand checked out."

Even I can hear how strange I sound.

"Leah?"

It's Paul.

Fighting back a painful wince, I school my features and raise my eyes; forcing them to meet his. Already knowing that he won't let me leave if I don't convince him that this hasn't affected me. The moment our eyes meet, I feel the last decade of my life, carefully placed barriers inside of me threaten to break.

Fuck, I need to get away from here.

Fast.

Paul steps forward, silently asking me to come to him, but I know I can't. I'm holding on by a thread and if he so much as touches me, I know I'll lose it. I won't be able to hold back the storm brewing inside of me. I won't make it.

So, instead, I tighten my arms around myself and focus my attention on my friend.

"It looks bad, Jake. I want to make sure you get your hand checked."

Jake looks down at his bruised hand and is about to argue, but as our eyes meet he must see something in my expression that causes him to pause. Holding my breath, I silently beg him to go along with this. I know how well he can read me… I can see that he understands exactly what I'm going to do the second we get out of here. My heart beats erratically in my chest as a wide range of different emotions move across his features. Then, finally, after a moment of deliberation, he gives the tiniest of nods.

"Yeah. Absolutely. I seriously think I might have broken something."

A rush of intense relief and adrenaline flows through me at his acceptance. The fact that he is willing to stand by me and support my decision even though he clearly disapproves, means the world to me.

"That's okay, right? You and Seth can manage the stall?"

Ignoring Paul, I turn my attention to Bella, who simply nods.

Jake's arm tightens around my shoulders, making a move to lead me away.

"Leah, wait!" Paul insists, curling his fingers gently around my wrist.

His touch is so vastly different from the commanding way in which Sam grabbed me earlier, but the pain it awakens is surprisingly similar. Lifting my eyes to his, I feel my heart break at the honest and "wide-open for all to see" expression of unconditional love shining back at me.

Damn it.

"Talk to me."

Every single muscle in my body tightens with effort as I do what I can to hold back the tsunami of emotions raging inside.

"Paul, I'm fine."

It's clear that he isn't convinced and I'm not sure if I have the strength to persuade him. Once again it's my brother who comes to my rescue.

"I'm the one with what I think is a broken hand, thank you very much."

Jake's diversion gives me the energy I need.

Squeezing Paul's hand in assurance, I step forward and leave a final, soft and tender kiss to his cheek, inhaling his scent one last time.

"I'll drop her off back at the farm as soon as we're done at the hospital. Don't worry," Jake continues, his tone light and persuasive.

Paul's hand burns in mine, holding me in place.

"I'll see you at home."

His dark eyes pierce into mine as though he can see straight into my soul.

Bobbing my head in agreement, I force a reassuring smile to my lips. After a brief moment of hesitation, Paul releases his hold on me and steps back, giving us his permission to leave.

"Goodbye, Paul," I whisper beneath my breath, making it impossible for anyone else to hear.

Jake places a protective arm around my shoulder, grounding me as I turn my back on the man of my dreams.

§§§

The tension between Jake and I is palpable as we get into his truck and as soon as the doors close, it's clear that he's reached the end of his patience. His eyes burn into me; his opinion clear.

"You're making a big mistake."

I grind my teeth together to keep from screaming, barely able to keep myself together.

"Just drive, please."

It's all I can manage.

Uncomfortable silence fills the cab of the truck for what feels like an eternity. Finally, Jake breaks it by releasing a heavy sigh, that does nothing to hide his disapproval. However, instead of saying anything, he simply turns the key in the ignition and drives me home without uttering a single word. When he eventually pulls up in front of the house, it's as though he can't even look at me. Guilt churns in my belly with the knowledge that I've hurt him.

"Jake-," I begin, but quickly stop when he decisively shakes his head.

"I can't do this again, Lei-lei."

His brown eyes are fixed on the lush fields straight ahead.

Immediately, I feel my eyes burn with tears at the sound of his tone.

He inhales a shaky breath and I can see that he too is deeply affected by this.

"I stood by you in your decision ten years ago, even though it killed me to let you go. Watching your parents weep for you was excruciating, but I stood strong because I knew it was what you wanted. And when I saw how your Dad cleaned himself up and turned his life around, I thought maybe I did the right thing. But I cannot stand by you now. I can't support this, Leah."

He clenches his jaw tightly, his nostrils flaring as his frustration rises.

"You are throwing away a real chance at happiness with a guy who loves you and for what?"

This time when his eyes meet mine, my best friend's usually warm chocolate-brown orbs are both hard and unforgiving.

"Because you haven't had the guts to deal with your issues?! Well, Leah, you know what? It's time to grow the fuck up!" Jake seethes.

Closing my eyes, I try to protect myself from his anger, but deep down I know that he's right. I do need to deal with everything I've buried away and desperately avoided for over a decade now. I just don't know how. Feeling a tear trail down my cheek, I take a shaky breath before I'm finally able to address the man that will forever be my very best friend.

"I love you, Jake, please don't ever doubt that," my voice breaks. "I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you and for involving you in this."

The fact that he still can't look at me hurts more than I can say.

"This is for the best. I have a good life in Seattle and Paul-."

Just the mention of his name makes my throat go so thick that I can't speak. Breathing in through my nose, I try to get control of the tears that are blurring up my vision.

"I'll try to get some help, I swear," I whisper brokenly, but I know my words won't be enough to bridge the gap between us.

Needing some space and unsure of what else I can say, I push the passenger door open. Leaving him, I jump down, turning my back to the truck as I walk towards the house, tears silently streaming down my cheeks with each step I take. Safely inside the house, I feel my body crumble as I'm unable to hold back the sobs. Outside I hear his truck speed down the driveway.

§§§

With blurred vision, I blindly throw a few of my things together, knowing that I won't have much time before -.

The door to the bedroom suddenly slams open revealing the exact person I was hoping to avoid.

Paul looks pissed.

My mouth drops open in shock and I feel my stomach sink painfully at just the mere sight of him. His black eyes fall on the growing pile of my things and half packed bags, I see the sure signs of rage brimming just below the surface.

"Paul," I begin, knowing that I need to at least try and explain.

"Running away again, Leah?" he bites out, his eyes blazing, but his voice icy cold.

"I-," my voice breaks off.

What am I supposed to tell him?

"Is running away becoming somewhat of your calling card?"

His question awakens a flare of annoyance within me.

"Don't you dare judge me, Paul," I warn, expecting him to explode in response to my words, but he doesn't. Instead he goes strangely calm.

"Don't I deserve to know the reason?"

His direct question and raw expression quite literally causes my heart to stop beating and my breath to slowly seep from my lungs. Yes, he does deserve an explanation, but-.

"You know, I never understood what your parents and Jake had against Sam," he takes two steps into the room, his voice still deadly calm.

Using the palms of my hands, I quickly wipe away the remnants of my tears, trying desperately to hide my emotions from him. When he mentions Sam, revealing at the same time that he was never told the truth of what happened, I feel that spark of annoyance from earlier light up into fiery anger. Who it is directed to, however, is currently a little unclear.

"Oh? And why is that?"

I can see that my question and rising anger has taken him by surprise, so before he can say anything I quickly continue.

"Tell me, Paul! Is it because Sam's such a good and law abiding citizen? I mean what on earth could a man like him do wrong?"

The strong sarcasm and bitterness in my tones stops him in his tracks.

"They would never tell me, but after today, I see that the reason for that was that it clearly wasn't their story to tell! YOU, however!"

His voice rises with mine, his growing frustration now evident in more than just his fiery gaze.

"Are you sure you want to hear this, though? He's clearly a good friend of yours! I'd hate to ruin his good name."

I pick up a pillow that's fallen onto the floor and fling it onto the bed, the action feeling surprisingly liberating. My words have clearly ignited something within Paul because when I turn to face him, his face is merely inches away from mine. Those intensely dark eyes of his boring into mine as his long frame seductively brushes against my body. Heart in my throat, I feel that all too familiar sizzle of desire awaken between us. Paul's expression softens ever so slightly as he lifts a finger to trace along the side of my face.

"If he hurt you, then he is no longer a friend of mine."

The husky tinge in his tone sends a shiver of anticipation down my spine. I know I should probably step back and put a stop to this. The right thing would clearly be to sit down like a pair of adults and talk this through, but I don't do the right thing and neither does he. I have no idea who makes the first move. What I do know is that in the next second his lips are on mine and words become pretty much the last thing on my mind.