Chapter 36 – Concerning the Stars
Time truly does not stand still.
It keeps soldiering forward and, before long, September had arrived. It had been almost two months since I had lost Chase. At first, some days the grief and pain were as fresh and raw as it had been the day it had happened. Other days, I almost made it through the day without recalling what had happened.
I had resumed my duties with N.E.S.T though I was not back full time. Lennox had thought it best if I ''eased'' back into it. In some ways I was grateful for the distraction as it gave me something useful to do other than be alone with my thoughts.
Prime had been right. I took it moment by moment, day by day and just adapted as best I could. Having Lennox, Epps and the Autobots, especially Prime, to support me helped me get through the darker days and gradually, the weight started to lift, the pain started to ease, and I began to function again. Chase's ring still adorned my right hand and at times throughout the day, and night, I would find myself absentmindedly touching it, twisting it from side to side. Maintaining that tenuous connection - and remembering.
I found myself sitting on my beach often, mainly of an evening. It had long been regarded by all on the base as ''OC's spot'' and, especially now, most people stayed away to allow me some privacy, which I appreciated. Prime would often join me of an evening, and we would either discuss events of the day, heal each other's emotional wounds or simply ''be'' in each other's presence, no words necessary, just silent companionship as we stared at our stars. On one of these evenings, I turned to Prime and asked him, ''What is it like?''
He inclined his helm in my direction, ''What is ''what" like?'' he asked, slightly perplexed.
''To travel through space, amongst the stars. I imagine that being an a sentient being from ''another planet'' you would have had to travel through space to get here, and,'' my voice shifted to a higher pitch, ''I did kinda see you crash land all those years ago,'' I ducked my head slightly in embarrassment. I had never mentioned that to Prime before.
He blinked his optics at me, and he brought one of his huge red and blue arms to lay across his lap as he sat there, one long leg stretched out before him and the other propped up, a mirror reflection of how I had been sitting. ''Oh. I did not know that. Is that how you came to be in the alleyway that night? You saw me in the field and decided to follow me?'' He raised an optic ridge in silent inquiry and accusation.
I felt myself blush slightly. ''Ahh… yeah. Guilty. I had been sitting out in the field nearby, much like we are now, mulling over my current situation in life. That is having just been fired, walked in on my boyfriend cheating on me and being homeless, when I saw you ''land,'' I used my fingers in an air quote to emphasis the word, a smile playing on my lips.
Optimus mimicked the way I had emphasised the word, 'What about my ''landing'', he then crossed his arms across his huge chest which sent me into peals of laughter. ''OC…'' Prime threatened.
''Sorry Prime, I just never thought I would see you do the whole ''air quotes'' thing, just threw me,'' I tried to stifle my laughter. ''As for the landing, well…. Let's just say you didn't stick it.'' I stifled another giggle.
Optimus set his dermas into a thin line of annoyance and fixed me with a stern stare, though his optics held mirth within them. ''I would like to see YOU try to control a landing on a foreign planet after hurtling through the atmosphere, burning up. I doubt you could do any better,'' his annoyance soon gave way to a smile as he clearly processed some rebuttal, ''in fact you would do MUCH worse given you are organic. You wouldn't even survive the entry into the atmosphere, you would have burnt to a crisp and even if you HAD have survived that, the impact would have seen you turned into, well, mush.'' He had a satisfied grin on his face and mischief dancing in his optics. I was enjoying this side to Prime.
I held my hands up in mock surrender, ''Woah! Ok… you got me, you win, you totally aced the landing, and this squishy organic concedes defeat,'' I laughed out loud.
Prime unfolded his arms and placed them by his side, leaning back and allowing a deep chuckle to emanate from him, ''Quick! I am adding this to my internal data base, OC admits defeat and concedes that I was right,'' his optics shone brightly with amusement.
Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows and fold my arms in mock indignation, ''Yeah, well, enjoy it Prime,'' I sighed and then steered the conversation back to where it had started from, ''Anyway, you didn't answer my question. What is it like out there?''
Prime cycled some air through his vents, as if breathing in, and cast his optics to the heavens above. ''OC, it may seem wonderous to journey amongst the stars but in truth,'' he returned his gaze to me, ''it is cold, bitterly so, due to a lack of atmosphere and the vacuum-like nature of space — with very few molecules to energetically bounce around, there can be no heat. It is silent too. Sound travels through the vibration of atoms and molecules in a medium, such as air or water. In space, where there is no air, sound has no way to travel.''
Optimus paused briefly in his explanation as he watched my face slowly change from excited anticipation to one of horror. He gave the equivalent of a cough before speaking again, ''Although OC, when you gaze upon the many wonders of the galaxies, the various planets, the structures of the clouds of interstellar gas and dust such as that of ''The Pillars of Creation'' in the Eagle Nebula, it is indeed spectacular,'' he turned his gaze back to me tilting his helm, ''Is that what you wanted to hear?'' he asked.
''Ahh.. Yeah that's more like it. Mind you, I might look at my stars a little differently,'' I sighed. ''I like the slightly more romantic view of them, you know, wishing upon stars, that somehow our fates are connected to them and that our destinies are written in them,'' I turned to face Optimus. ''Like for instance, you and I meeting. I like to think that it was predestined, meant to be,'' my voice dropped to a whisper, ''and Chase, that we were meant to be, if only for a short time, he was meant to find me and I him,'' I stopped myself then as my voice began to falter.
Prime regarded me for a moment, ''OC, from a purely scientific standpoint, I find that train of thought, difficult to grasp, wildly inaccurate and implausible,'' I started to tense my shoulders defensively though Prime continued, ''however, from a purely emotional, creative and spark motivated standpoint,'' he turned to face me, ''a rather pleasant way of viewing things. Perhaps,'' he considered quietly, ''there may be some truth to it. Of all the places I could have landed that night, in that moment, it was right before you, and, of all the bases we could have been deployed to, it was here, where Chase was stationed,'' Prime ex-vented slowly as if thinking over his own words. ''OC, whether it was the stars or fate or coincidence, I am grateful our lives were entwined that night,'' he fixed glowing azure optics on me.
I allowed a single tear to fall from my eye, smiling back at him I whispered, ''Me too Prime, me too.'' We had simply sat there then for a while, silently reflecting on our own journey to this point, relishing the company the other provided. In that moment a thought crystallised in my mind, /What would I do if I Iost Optimus?/. The thought sent an icy wave of panic and terror coursing through me which led me to visibly shake myself to banish the wholly unpleasant thought. It was an action that did not go unnoticed by Prime.
''OC, are you okay?'' he asked, concern filling his voice.
''Ah yeah, just… just a little cold and maybe getting tired,'' I started to stand up. ''How about we call it a night?''
He regarded me for a moment longer, and I could tell he did not fully believe me, but he did not press me further, thankfully. ''If you wish.'' He lowered his servo and allowed me to climb on and then gracefully rose to his full, imposing height and turned to head for home.
As he carried me against his chest, I felt myself move to be as close to him as possible. /No, I can't think about that, I don't want to think about that, it doesn't bare thinking. To lose Chase AND Prime, it would be more than my heart could bare/. I snuggled in closer and placed my arms against his chest plates, as if the action itself would stop any unforeseeable force form taking him away from me.
Prime simply closed his servo around me a little tighter and held me closer, in a soundless gesture of comfort that seemed to indicate he knew what I had been thinking and he was reassuring me.
As I lay in bed not long afterwards, I couldn't help an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. The last time this happened, I lost Chase soon after. /Please, please go away, leave me alone! I can't lose anyone else, PLEASE/ I implored the emptiness of the night.
Only time would tell if the darkness would listen.
