Despite her reputation as a peacemaker and diplomate, everyone does tend to forget the time my grandmother Yunyun tried to assassinate royalty. And people think Megumin is the dangerous member of my family. -NS.
You'd think that defeating the Devil King (or rather, making everyone think you had defeated the Devil King) would grant one a license to retire in peace and never have to bother with the whole hero gig again. You would, of course, be dead wrong. There hasn't been a single crisis, real or imagined, in the past 60 years where they haven't summoned me to the capitol to deal with, even though what I know about economics is that they are both very complicated and very boring, and Iris is perfectly capable of killing anything even remotely resembling a threat, provided Megumin doesn't get to it first.
The first crisis to deal with was, of course, that there was no crisis, so we had to throw a party. All I wanted to do was go back to the Crimson Demon Village with Yunyun and retire to the simple life of graft and chunibyoism that her people lived. But of course, we all had to go to the capitol for a grand celebration.
If I had thought our triumph after defeating the Destroyer had been impressive, I soon learned the error of my ways. A literal red carpet was rolled out from the city gates, all the way up to the palace, and throngs of cheering people lined the entire way, with handfuls of flower petals, confetti, and banners and signs. Glowing magical orbs floated about the route, sending down a sparkling mist that caught the light and made the air shimmer with rainbows.
They had horses for us, but of course we mostly ended up all riding on the griffins. Yunyun lent Ruffles to Cecily and The Suit, and rode atop Sebastian with me. Wiz and Vanir mounted up on Eris's Fortuna, who became the kingdom's first mail-griffon in later years after I told Vanir about air mail. Ravi and Iris shared Murderbeak, while Chunchumaru bore Megumin and Hanzo. Only Darkness and Yuki rode horses, as Megumin was quite firm that Chunchumaru was "her's" and Yuki didn't seem to mind.
Sebastian gave me a look as we got close, apparently not thrilled at the deafening roar of the crowd. "I know. Steady on old boy, we'll get through this."
Sebastian coughed, and eyed me. I rolled my eyes. "And yes, I'll ensure you're duly compensated. We'll send out for some of that giant toad meat for you you're so fond of."
Once more, Sebastian looked at the crowd, then at me. "With the dipping sauce, and a basin of champagne."
Mollified, Sebastian fell into place behind Murderbeak, strutting slightly as we made our way through the gate. Somehow, the roar of the crowd got even louder, and I moaned as one sound became audible over the general cacophony.
Kazuma! Kazuma! Kazuma!
"That's my name," I admitted grudgingly. "Shouldn't they be chanting someone else's name? I barely did anything."
Yunyun's arms tightened around my waist and I felt her giggle more than I heard it. She's always believed I was a true hero, even though she knows the real story better than anyone. It's hard to have many secrets from a woman who you share your most intimate moments, raise four children, and spend the best part of your life with. Even then she knew the truth about Sylvia and the Devil King. And yet, she always said I was the true Hero of Belzerg.
I don't know why. Honestly, I think she deserves a lot more credit than anyone ever gives her. She was the one that kept our spirits up, looked for chances to turn foes into friends, and kept me on the straight and narrow...ish. Hell, it was Yunyun who really made me transform from a NEET into, well, whatever I am now. She was the one who got me out of bed every morning to have breakfast. More than anything, I think that's what reformed me into a halfway decent human being. Someone who cared, and wanted to be my friend.
It helps I've a healthy fear of her magical talents as well.
Waiting for us at the steps to the palace was not just Melarc and Jatis, but also Beatrice and Zesta, along with quite a few representatives from the Crimson Demon Clan, as well as-
"Hey you guys!" Aqua bellowed, waving excitedly. "About time you got here!" Next to her, Eris and Chris stood, all three goddesses wearing their divine attire.
In Chris's case, this was now a dark sleeveless bodysuit, over which she wore a silver halter top and shorts, as well as a silver half mask, as well as her two silver daggers in holsters strapped to her waist. She's rather embraced being the more roguish of the pair of Goddesses of Fortune, and she kept the short messy haircut.
"Lady Aqua!" Cecily gasped, jumping off of Ruffles and bowing. "We did not expect-"
"What, you thought you could have a party and not have me show up!? No way! Now get up, you're like my best bud now, you can't go bowing and scraping, you're all heroes!" Aqua declared, and hauled Cecily to her feet before embracing her.
Cecily flushed, then watched as Aqua made her rounds, giving everyone a hug. Even me, as for some reason Yunyun doesn't seem to mind if the goddesses show me a little affection. Except for Ristarte and Hestia. Why, I'm just not sure.
I did notice Zesta step to Cecily's side. He took off his pope hat, held in it in his hands for a moment, then held it up and plopped it on Cecily's head.
"H-high priest Zesta?!" Cecily squeaked, her hands darting to the fancy hat.
"You heard the goddess. You're her 'best bud.' I think that makes you far more qualified to be the leader of our religion than me," Zesta chuckled, stroking his beard.
"I...I shall endeavor to live up to the ideals of the Axis Order!" Cecily declared. She eyed Claire, a hungering expression entering her eyes. "Oh yes. All the ideals."
"Not in public, dear," Claire said, a smile never leaving her lips as she waved to the crowd. "I, at least, have to maintain appearances."
"Meh, I suppose we can find some dusty old farts to marry so we can have a couple of kids. Besides, never been with a man. I'm sure it's worth trying once or twice at least."
"If you say so," Claire agreed, making a face.
"And how's the hero of the hour!?" Aqua laughed, giving me the last hug.
"I think Megumin and Yunyun are quite well. I was hardly involved, you know," I said, giving Aqua a pained smile.
"Nonsense. You're more of a hero than you know," Eris, giving me a hug and a warm grin.
Chris, on the other hand, gave me a fist bump. "You did good, Kazuma. I admit, I had my doubts, but you pulled through." Then Chris and Eris grabbed my arms, raising them high.
"The Hero of Belzerg!" the both proclaimed, as Aqua stood on her tiptoes, resting her chin on my head and grinning widely as she held up her hands in "V" signs.
The crowd thundered its approval, and I flushed, but forced a confident smile on my face. "Victory!" I bellowed, and very carefully did not look at Hanzo, who appeared utterly terrified.
The goddesses let go of me, and I quickly turned to grab Yunyun and Megumin, hauling them up before me. "Of course, I cannot claim all the credit! The Crimson Demon Clan were instrumental in defeating the Devil King! Behold!"
I struck a pose, gesturing to Megumin, who flushed and grinned. "I present to you Megumin, foremost master of Explosion magic in the world, she who has tamed gods and demons, and who destroyed the very seat of evil with her dark powers!"
"Ha! Truly, I am the foremost genius of the Crimson Demon Clan!" Megumin cackled, striking her own pose.
Before she could proclaim herself as the new Devil Queen, I quickly turned to Yunyun. "And, of course, behind every man is the true hero, the woman who got them there. In my case, it was Yunyun, wisest and most powerful arch wizard of the Crimson Demon Clan!"
"Behold!" Yunyun stepped forward, posing as her crimson eyes glowed with passion and power. "I am Yunyun! Foremost champion of the Crimson Demon Clan! I am she who has defeated the Devil King alongside the Hero Kazuma and our friends, and will one day lead my people to glory!"
"And of course, who can forget my little sister?" I laughed. "The real hero of the day, who slew many a fiend, including the Last Poison Slime, Hans the Horrible!"
That made the crowd mutter in surprise, until Iris leapt forward, brandishing Caliber over her head. "That's right! I, Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg, stood alongside my Big Bro Kazuma and defeated the Devil King and his evil hordes once and for all! Which means…"
She turned to her father, a manic grin on her face. "I can marry whoever I want, daddy, and you can't do anything about it!"
"Oh really?" Melarc rumbled, giving Iris a baleful look with his one eye.
Iris nodded emphatically. "Yes. Also, I am a higher level than you now, and the only one who can beat me is Ravi! I have decided I never want to marry anyone, and keep having Adventurers and defeating monsters forever!"
"Oh, I don't think so, little sister," Jatis chuckled. "You see, you defeated the Devil King. That means I'm going to be the one having all the fun from now on."
"What? No, you're the Crown Prince, I'm the princess, so you have to do all the boring stuff," Iris sniffed.
"Actually, there is another tradition you seem to have forgotten, my little rapier," Melarc laughed. "Jatis?"
Jatis suddenly stepped down to Iris, kneeling before her. "As you have proven yourself by might of arms by defeating the Devil King and his generals, I, Jatis Shining Spear Belzerg, do hereby abdicate my birthright in favor of my younger sister, Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg, the Devil King's bane."
"WHAT?!" Iris shrieked, going scarlet with fury. "You can't do this to me!"
"Already did, sister. I'm afraid you will need to get married and have an heir," Jatis said, standing and looking dramatically sorrowful. "Besides, I was never very well suited for it. Now, as for the other Devil King's bane…"
I suddenly found myself grabbed and pulled into an embrace by Jatis, and his tongue in my mouth. I froze again, then tried to push him away. Instead, I felt a hand on my collar, and was yanked away from a shocked Jatis by Yunyun.
"What? How dare you-"
Out of the clear blue sky, a jagged bolt of lighting crashed down and slammed into Jatis, sending him flying, then tumbling down the many steps to land in a clatter of smoking armor at the castle gates to the shock of the crowd.
"Your highness!" a panicked voice cried, and Mitsurugi dashed from the assembled groups of knights and adventurers to Jatis's side, picking up the still dazed prince and cradling in his arms.
"That," Yunyun said, in a tone that was far too calm for someone who had just attempted to assassinate royalty. "Was extremely rude. You didn't even ask Kazuma's permission, or mine."
"I'm the prince!" Jatis gasped. "I can claim who I want! Why would I ask you? Besides, he's-"
"During the battle with the Devil King," Yunyun declared, speaking right over Jatis, "a dark and terrible curse befell me! I was mortally wounded, and the dark powers of the Demon King were going to suck the very life out of me! Only the kiss of true love could spare me, but I knew I was doomed, for the man I loved could never give his heart to a woman!"
I blinked, realizing exactly where this was going, and my jaw opened slightly. Was she turning our romance into a chunibyo tale of dark intrigue?
"As I lay dying, the world receding from my eyes, I felt Kazuma's hand's grip my own. He cried out to the goddesses, begging them for mercy, to change his heart so that he might save me from my doom. And behold, this plea did move the heart of the goddess to compassion, and they granted his wish. However, his and my fates are now forever intertwined, and we can never love another, no matter what may happen."
Did I mention that I was tagged? Because I am very thoroughly labeled as "property of Yunyun."
Most of the crowd looked stunned, but I heard crying behind us. I turned just in time to hear Hiropon shout, "That's my baby girl! The next Chief of the Crimson Demon Clan!"
"Truely, such love is marked by destiny!" Arue declared, tears running down her cheeks.
"Never have I heard of such beauty and passion," Bukkororii wept, his lips trembling as he raised his hands to the sky.
Only one of the Crimson Demons seemed not to be moved to tears, and I barely had time to stand up and catch Komekko as she jumped at me.
"Does that mean you're moving to the Crimson Demon Village now, Big Bro?! Megumin, you're not mad at Kazuma anymore, right!?"
"No, I have forgiven him his transgressions, for truly, even my heart was moved when I beheld his great sacrifice for the sake of Yunyun," Megumin stated, clutching at her heart with one hand and swirling her cape dramatically with the other. Then she grinned, and grabbed Hanzo. "I also have found a man, who was held captive by the Devil King! He is none other than Kazuma's younger cousin, Hanzo Sato!"
"Er, hi," Hanzo said, waving nervously.
"A dark prisoner?!"
"A tale of forbidden love!?"
While the rest of the populace of the capital seemed not to be sure what to make of this development, the Crimson Demon Clan gave their immediate and enthusiastic approval of the Sato men joining their ranks.
"Younger cousin?" I whispered to Megumin. "You know he's my uncle."
"No one would believe it: he looks younger than you. Besides, you're the hero, which makes you his senior," she hissed back. "It's much more dramatic this way!"
Hanzo, bless his heart, just seemed thrilled to suddenly have so many new friends. Like me, he'd been a loner before, though apparently not nearly as much of a pervert. To suddenly be the center of attention flustered him, so it's no surprise that he and Megumin fled the village to embark on yet another adventure. I'm not certain if they ever bothered officially getting married, but Megumin had Usagi not long after Yunyun had Sephiroth, so no one ever asked too many questions.
Jatis seemed miffed to have me slip through his fingers, but Mitsurugi was rather thorough in his comforting of the former heir. So much so that Jatis mostly laid off the philandering, at least where Mitsurugi could see him.
The celebratory bash that followed lasted until essentially sunrise the next day, at which point Eris had to haul the very drunk Aqua and Chris back to the Divine Realm. We said our goodbyes, but I had a feeling that wouldn't be the last I'd see of my divine friends.
Of course, we did split up as a party at that point, with everyone departing to various parts of the kingdom. Iris, to her consternation, had a great many new royal duties to attend to as the new Crown Princess. It would be another seven years before her father retired and she became queen in truth, but she had plenty of time to get used to it. Melarc did a pretty good job of preparing Iris for the job, though admittedly the ruler of Belzerg has less politicking to do and more monster slaying.
While the court can be as labyrinthine and backstabbing as any group of nobles at a locus of power, for the most part the fact the ruler of Belzerg is by nature its strongest champion tends to tamp that down, as does the fact that most nobles have to devote a considerable amount of time to training and keeping their lands free of monsters that even Adventurers can't handle.
Claire actually left Cecily's side for a few years, working hard as Iris's Aide while Cecily got the Axis Cult more or less in order. Teleportation does reduce the strain distance puts on relationships, and I'm quite certain both of them spent more time in each other's beds than in the husbands they found a few months later. For you can change the laws, but cultural norms take a fair bit longer to adapt and adjust.
Darkness and Yuki were married even before Yunyun and I were, and set about the task of managing the Dustiness lands. Darkness became the most powerful and influential noble in the lands next to Iris herself, and she never really quit Adventurering. Yuki's ears were always considered something of an oddity, and several of their children have them as well, so I suppose there will always be bunny boys and girls hopping around causing havoc.
Wiz, Vanir, and Ravi returned to Axel, where they set about managing their shop, and Wiz began having that family she'd always wanted. How she and Vanir managed ten children I'll never know, but it does explain why they remained near impoverished no matter how hard Vanir worked. I suppose I should have told him about contraceptives at some point. Though I have a feeling Wiz wouldn't have appreciated it.
Ravi was always a bit of a rogue, and his business dealings and gambling took him to the capitol often enough for his frequent duels with Iris. He never did get to return to Elroad, at least not officially, though they talk about Don de la Mascara and how he freed their land from the grip of the Devil King. Ivar was always an idiot, and his rule was free of incidence mostly because the casino bosses liked having a convenient puppet.
After a brief stay in the Crimson Demon Village, Megumin and Hanzo ran off together. They showed up again for Yunyun and I's wedding a few months later, and they've popped in and out every few years, though they do seem to keep acquiring new children.
And as for me and Yunyun, well, we settled down almost immediately to what amounted to the rest of our lives. We got married just before Yunyun started to show, though it was more of a formality and a chance to get everyone together for another party than anything else.
I've rather enjoyed my life in the Crimson Demon Village, and I'd like to think I've managed to help out in some small ways. Hiropon and I remodeled the Chief's Mansion into the Crimson Demon Hotel, which helped bring in more marks. I mean, tourists. Yunyun and I created several new attractions to bring in more visitors to the village, from the Neko Maid Cafe, to the Do It Yourself Dungeon and the Crimson Demon Village Zoo and Menagerie.
While I have been called away at times to help Iris whenever she gets bored or to give my supposedly sage advice on some national affair or other, the truth is I've spent most of my life as a house husband, and I've rather enjoyed it. Yunyun was always busy keeping the Clan from blowing itself up, which left me to mind the children and our growing collection of pets.
Even when I thought I could retire from my house husbanding days, I inherited yet another child. My youngest Vegita ran off with Megumin's youngest daughter Bakaretsu, and about 2 years later came back with an infant. Neither Yunyun nor I really wanted our granddaughter becoming a dungeon delver at such a young age, so we adopted Nekkonyu Sato ourselves. She's a bit of a handful, but I've appreciated having a helping hand now that I'm getting up there in years. Most of the time these days she harasses me about old stories, as she thinks of herself as the "foremost historian of the Crimson Demon Clan." I tend to remind her she is the ONLY historian of the Crimson Demon Clan, but it's nice to have someone an old man can tell his stories to.
Afterword
There are other papers in Kazuma's collection, but the ones I have assembled here tell the most complete narrative of the more interesting bits of the life of the man known as the Hero of Belzerg. I knew my grandfather as a somewhat roguish man who delighted in little pranks but seemed to have no desire to ever wander far from the Village. This always struck me as being terribly at odds with the depiction of the great Adventurer I learned about in school, even more so than the others I knew in my life.
Growing up with a queen as your aunt and having close ties to House Dustiness, the High Priestess of the Axis Cult, and being on a first name basis with several literal deities does tend to color one's perception of reality. It doesn't help when your pet cat your mother gave you when you were four is a literal dark goddess and your grandmother is the current Devil Queen and your other grandmother is the Chief of the Crimson Demons.
All the same, I knew something was different about Kazuma. Aunty Iris is just as fierce as in the stories, even if she's a bit mellower now. Eris is as kind and wise as ever, even if most people don't know about her propensity for matchmaking or her sense of humor. Not to mention that Grandma Megumin is just as prone to glorious mass destruction as anyone (I think I gave my poor grandfather a heart attack when I proudly informed him she had taught me Explosion Magic as my first spell). But Kazuma is different. He's rarely bold or brash, and he's actually fairly meek and soft spoken in private.
That's not to say Kazuma was some sort of weakling who rolled over for anyone. While it was rare, I do recall several times he and Yunyun had rather loud and stringent arguments, but they did keep such things private and always made up. He also did not tolerate anyone looking down or mistreating Crimson Demons, and the one time I ever saw the man truly angry was when an outsider in the capitol made fun of my red eyes. He was fiercely loyal and protective of his family, but he also never seemed to seek fame or glory as the stories I heard in school seemed to indicate. Even in the Crimson Demon Village, Kazuma was a bit of a hermit, and rarely made public appearances outside of formal ceremonies and events, and then he always put on his "hero face" as he called it.
Reading through these documents has been rather cathartic for me, and I feel like even though my grandfather is no longer with the living, I've come to know him a bit better. I hope that my readers have as well, and gained an understanding of the man. In the end, I personally believe he was a hero, but not in the sort of way people seem to think. Kazuma was a hero because he was a deeply flawed man who made a great many mistakes, but when it counted stood up and tried to fix them, even when it was frightening.
Kazuma was never the hero in the story books, a bold adventurer seeking to conquer the world and seize it with both hands. He was honest in his papers about at least one thing: all he really wanted to do was to stay home, though I think he was far happier doing so with his family and friends than he would have been alone. I don't think I could ever accuse Kazuma of being a NEET, as while he was certainly a homebody, he was rarely idle. He was quite an excellent cook, always made sure my frequently stressed grandmother was cared for, and always was ready to lend his skills to our neighbors (being the only Adventurer in a village of Arch Mages makes one something of the local handyman).
I hope my grandfather is resting in peace, and that he knows that he will always be at least my hero. Though I don't personally plan on ever saving the world (unless Megumin or my mother do something particularly egregious) I hope that I can be as much of a joy to others as he was. Especially in my recent marriage.
Nekkonyu Sato Dustiness
Foremost Historian of the Crimson Demon Clan
Lady of House Dustiness
Author's Note:
This is the end of Hero of Belzerg. I'd like to extend a special thanks to the Grand Cogitator, my beta and editor for this story, who let me bounce all my crazy ideas off of him. This is the first long form fanfic I've actually managed to bring to a satisfying conclusion, and I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Thanks to all those who took the time to leave reviews. Your feedback helps me be a better writer, and I enjoy seeing what other people think of my work.
Thanks for reading,
Full-Paragon
