Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any of its associated characters; they all belong to their respective owners. I only own any characters or plotlines that you do not recognize.


42. Quatervois

Coruscant, Inner Rim

Obi-Wan drew his fingers across his lips subtly, disguising the gesture as something thoughtful. He sat poised in his seat in the Council Chamber, surrounded by his peers, none of whom seemed to sense the turmoil raging inside him. It was a good thing, too, because he'd found little to no inner peace since returning from Ryloth. Meditation had done nothing to ease it; it, in fact, even seemed to feed it. Caused the unsettled boiling in his gut to strengthen. It drove him to an uncharacteristic distraction, which he passed off as battle exhaustion. And true exhaustion, too––sleep hadn't come easily to him. It didn't allow him the reprieve he might've hoped it would offer. Instead it was restless, it had him tossing in his sheets, which tangled around his legs as he sought out the slimmest glimmer of restfulness. Every part of him felt weary, from his muscles to his emotions. Bruised emotions, tender ones that had not been exercised for years. Ones that he'd kept tucked close to his chest, hidden beneath the protective layering of his robes, and kept to himself. Always himself.

The liberation of Ryloth had come relatively quickly after Nabat had been freed. It had been a little more than a day since they'd returned to Coruscant triumphant, and there were already plans in the works to get everyone back out in the field. There was a situation of Felucia that was starting to get hairy, and they were going to need all the help they could get. Three battalions, it was looking like. The 212th and the 501st had already been called on; usually, that meant the 442nd would be added to the roster. But not this time. Plo Koon and the 104th would be going in their stead. For Elara had over exerted herself terribly. Not only that, she had come to occupy more space in Obi-Wan's head than thoughts, recently. She was the one who had sent his mind into a seemingly irreparable tizzy. The one whose lips had been pressed to his for mere moments, and it was the ghost of those lips that had been haunting his own ever since they'd parted. The reason why his fingers kept prodding them, hoping to rid the phantom tingle that lingered in their wake. Obi-Wan had, indeed, been relentlessly haunted by that stolen kiss, and barely an hour could pass before he found himself thinking about it again.

Think about the way he'd moulded his lips against hers with a quiet intensity that had shaken him to his very core.

It was nearly impossible to not feel like a pretender as he sat in his Council seat. The chair itself even felt more rigid than it had the last time he'd sat in it, like it knew that he had done something to betray what it was supposed to uphold. He was surrounded by his peers who, like himself, had pledged to be the figureheads of the Jedi Order. Those that faithfully upheld the Code and exemplified what it was to be a Jedi. It was a duty––and an honor––that Obi-Wan had taken, and still took, seriously. Hence why there was a sourness to his stomach as he sat there in the Chamber. Because as of that day on Ryloth, he feared that he had broken the Code. Trod on it so carelessly that he'd snapped part of it in twain. Crushed it under foot in one heated, vulnerable moment.

The kiss itself was not something forbidden. Celibacy was not a requirement of the Order, but many opted for it in fear of where physical intimacy might lead them. It was the fear of attachment that had many Jedi keeping intimacy at arm's length. But this circumstance, Obi-Wan's circumstance, was unique. Because the kiss wasn't the precursor; it was the result. A result of an attachment years in the making. Slowly built in the silence of stolen looks, strengthened by the mingling of words, and bonded by intoxicating, fleeting touches. Something that had grown so slowly, so gradually that Obi-Wan hadn't clocked it until it was far too late. Until, in the days after Gleann, he had found himself wanting nothing more than to have her in his arms when he woke up in the morning. Or to have the honor to watch the graceful movement of quiet expression on her face while she read. How he longed to share his thoughts and opinions with her in want to know what she, herself, thought. This attachment was not born of physicality, and, perhaps, that made it all the more dangerous. It was born of years of friendship and comradery; and it threatened to be his very undoing.

There had only been one other time where similar thoughts and feelings had come into play before: Obi-Wan's time on Mandalore when he was a Padawan. That year, that impossibly long year, had taught him much. The newly appointed Duchess Satine had been no older than he, himself, had been. Taxed with ensuring her safety, Obi-Wan had found himself in close quarters with the strong willed young woman, found himself awakened to feelings he'd not had before. The strength of them had been frightening, and they'd only worsened as the year wore on. By the end of it, the attachment he had formed with Satine would have driven him to make drastic decisions. Life altering decisions. And in the end––Obi-Wan had forsaken it all. Because of duty. Honor. The Jedi Code. The decision had been painful, it had tore through him with the pain of a blaster bolt to the heart… but it had been the right one to make. The necessary one.

That year on Mandalore had taught him about love. The beauty of it, and the pain of it. It was a reminder that, as a Jedi, these beautiful things were not for them to cherish. For a Jedi, love only brought pain. It only ever ended with pain. It was something that he, himself, had experienced, and feared––yes, feared––experiencing again. Because what he knew, instinctively, that if he was forced to end something as strong as what he felt had grown between himself and Elara… he'd be irreparable. And it was for that reason that love was forbidden. Why attachment was forbidden. It was for that reason that, despite the kiss, despite everything––how beautifully right it had all felt, how at peace he'd been––these feelings had to be tucked away. Tucked beneath the layers of his robes, away from view. Keep them silent and burning against the skin over his heart, which would weep, forever, at what might have been.

That was easier said than done, however, even for a Jedi as experienced as Obi-Wan. Because beneath all of the training, all of the expertise––he was still a man. A man who found solace in logic and reason, which he used as a keystone in his wall of defense. A wall that had been breached by the brilliant smile of a woman from Tatooine, who saw beauty in the smallest of things. Who had taught him that even the smallest curve of a flower petal was to be marveled at. With just her dazzling smile and impossibly beautiful personality, that wall he'd obstinately clung to crumbled slowly. Piece by piece, coaxing him to smile more, feel more. It was through that crumbling that she had reminded him that he was still a man. Not just a warrior, or a General, or a Jedi––but a man. And that further complicated things.

Because if he were only a Jedi and nothing more––this would be much easier to handle.

These contemplations, deep and spiraling, were interrupted by the Council Chamber doors gliding open. Through them strode Elara, who moved with a regality that would suit royalty. With her swept the hum of her Force signature, which slammed into Obi-Wan with the weight of a star destroyer. It threatened to overwhelm him, just as it had nearly swallowed him whole as they'd kissed. It was an underlying, warm, peaceful hum that he'd become familiar with over the years. But it was one he'd found himself avoiding ever since they'd returned from Ryloth. This was, in fact, the first time he'd seen her since they'd returned to Coruscant. Distance. That was what this situation required. It was something that had tentatively started to work its way between them, separated them achingly. And now, Obi-Wan had placed it there, pointed, purposeful, and painful.

Elara came to a stop in the center of the Chamber, bathed in the glow of the afternoon sun that spilled in through the multitude of windows. Her eyes were dutifully fixed on Windu, who was seated beside Obi-Wan––and not once did her eyes stray towards him. There was a fleeting instance where her eyelids fluttered, like they were fighting off the urge to shift their gaze. But it didn't. There was something quietly tense about Elara's demeanor; it was the kind of look she got when she exhausted herself spilling over plans before a battle. It made Obi-Wan wonder if she, too, had not been sleeping.

"Master Skywalker, thank you for coming," Windu greeted evenly.

In response, Elara bowed her head. "Of course, Master Windu."

"It has been brought to our attention that there are two instances that occurred on Ryloth that need to be discussed," Windu said. He sat forward in his seat, eyebrows lifting. "Are you aware of which incidents we speak of?"

With the coolness she typically exercised in front of the Council, Elara bobbed her head in a nod. After many months at war, it was almost strange to see her without her armor on. The gorget, pauldrons, vambraces, gloves, and greaves had all been shed, which left her simple battle tunics on display. Tan and lavender-grey, the uninterrupted expanse of fabric inspired an instinctual buzz of worry in Obi-Wan's stomach. A worry born of war time, where being without your armor could mean life or death, on or off the battlefield. On top of it all, she looked tired. There was a faint purplish hue swept beneath the inside corners of her eyes, which drooped a little heavier than normal. She was the very picture of vulnerability, and it had Obi-Wan's heart crawling up into his throat.

"I presume you are referring to the incidents involving the bunkers and the tank," she replied.

The mention of the tank had Obi-Wan's heart seizing in his chest. If there had ever been a moment where he felt like his life had slowed to a crawl, it was that one. It was no secret to anyone who'd fought alongside him that his life was of little consequence to him. If he died in protecting the life of another, then his life was well spent. So his stomach dropped straight to his feet when Elara threw herself in front of that tank––because it meant she felt the exact same way. And something about that bothered him immensely. That she would willingly sacrifice her own brilliant life for his. His. It was that which he'd snipped at her for after the fact. And perhaps that was hypocritical of him––but he'd been unable to help it.

What was, possibly, even more hypocritical of him, was to bring the matter to the Council himself.

"That is correct," Windu confirmed. "We commend you for your bravery, truly. The feats that were described to us are nothing short of impressive; and nothing like anything we have ever seen from you. But it is in you over exerting yourself that we are concerned."

There was a low hum from Yoda, who sat at the edge of his chair, hands clasped atop the head of his walking stick. He gazed at his former Padawan with a peculiar––perhaps worried––gleam in his large eyes. "Drained these incidents have left you. Weak is the Force that surrounds you; sense it, I can," he informed sagely.

If Obi-Wan had not felt as though he'd been rendered mute, he might have agreed. Despite the initial slam he'd felt upon her entering the room, the hum of the Force around her was significantly more sluggish than usual. Tired. Drained, as Yoda said.

"I fear I over exerted myself, yes," Elara agreed. Again her eyelids fluttered, like she was trying to force her eyes to stay forward.

"A risk, it was."

"A necessary one," she said assuredly, but shortly.

In fact, Obi-Wan had noticed most of her responses had been brief, which was unlike her. She always remained respectfully prompt, but never short. Gave details easily and honestly; this was not her typical line of response. It was clear she meant no disrespect, however, and that this was just a side effect of her exhaustion. Despite that, Windu still splayed his hands through the air placatingly, smoothly. As though he were trying to assuage any frustration, if there was any. Elara's expression remained unchanged, her tired eyes still attentively locked on him.

"It's no secret that you and your brother have a powerful connection with the Force. It's… truly remarkable what the two of you are capable of doing. This mission has only exemplified that. But it's also no secret that you do not utilize the Force to your fullest potential. As impressive as it was for you to pull off such a feat twice in one day, I'd recommend you not try and do so again. Not until you have built up your endurance to perform such things," Windu warned gently. The look on his face was no-nonsense. He was used to dealing with Anakin, who fought the decisions of the Council regularly.

But this was Elara. If she ever were to question the Council, it was done softly and respectfully. Diplomatically. It was rare she ever raised her voice with anyone of authority; both out of respect, and likely a lingering after effect of her time on Tatooine. So once Windu issued his warning, Elara inclined her head respectfully.

"Yes, of course, Master," she deferred.

"Rebuild your strength, you must. Dangerous it would be for you to return to the field. Remain on Coruscant until you have recovered you will," Yoda further instructed.

This was where Obi-Wan clocked the slightest of reactions; the tightening of her jaw, a tick of frustration. But, largely, her expression remained calm. If no one was looking for a reaction, they likely wouldn't have clocked it. Being side-lined never sat well with her, even if it was for her own well-being. One might even say especially if it's for her own well-being; she was much more keen on helping others. Her response, when given, conveyed none of this.

"Yes, Master."

Shortly thereafter, Elara was dismissed. She pitched forward in a slight bow, head bent in deference. It was as she lifted out of it, as her head rose and her eyes followed suit, that those selfsame eyes snagged against Obi-Wan's. The moment was fleeting––a mere second of a thing––but it felt like it lasted a lifetime. The inhale he'd been in the middle of taking choked up in his throat. His heart lurched violently in his ribcage, like it wanted to leap through his chest and into her hands. A silent, electric thrill rippled down along his spine, where it flickered and then dissipated in his pelvis. There was a tired intensity in Elara's gaze, the likes of which he'd never seen before. A sense of desperate longing started to build up in the pit of Obi-Wan's stomach, so empty and painful that the muscles of his abdomen tensed.

And then, just like that, the moment was over. Elara was exiting the Council Chamber, hands still clasped at the small of her back––and her knuckles had gone white.

A sudden rush of air flooded Obi-Wan's lungs, hissing in through his nose sharply. A panicked thrum started to rattle his heart against his ribs. A tumultuous flood of thoughts and emotions crashed against his hastily rebuilt walls of defense. They threatened to knock them over, spill through the fissures and the holes. So, in a desperate bid to keep himself afloat, Obi-Wan turned to the words that had proved to be his saving grace many times before. What he did not expect was the flood of thought between each recited precept.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

A flinch twinged at the corners of Obi-Wan's mouth. Peace––inner peace, in particular, had started to feel like a commodity. It evaded his grasp, slipped between his fingers as he closed his fist around it. Like trying to grasp at gentle curls of smoke. Instead he found himself closing his fist around emotions so strong they seemed palpable. It felt like he was clutching on to a hot, wet rag. Like he was wringing it with all his might, spilling the build-up of emotion with every twist. Those emotions had trampled peace under foot, held it hostage with the high price of acknowledgement on its head. With acknowledgement would come peace, it tempted. With acceptance came peace… and there was some dreadfully stubborn part of him that refused to believe that.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

Ignorance had given way to knowledge some time ago. It was impossible to be blind to the pull in his gut, the one that twisted and tugged every time he and Elara were in the same room. Impossible to brush off the quiet, festering desire to have her as close as possible. Long gone were the excuses, because they could not be made anymore. Knowledge was often said to be liberating. To enlighten the mind and the soul; in this instance, it seemed torturous and trapping.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

Obi-Wan's eyes fell closed and his fingers pressed hard against his lips. The buzzing in them intensified at the recollection of passion, of the heated draw of Elara's lips against his own. There had been a silent, desperate passion to the way that he'd kissed her. Like it was the first and the last time he'd ever get to do so. And the thought of it being the last time––because it had to be––pained him. Because her lips, soft and warm like the petals of a flower basking in midday sun, were intoxicating. The feel of them pressing and dragging across his so urgently so ardently… it stirred things within him he'd dutifully ignored. It roused the need to have her close to him, impossibly close, closer than they had been even then. Left him desperate to feel the caress of her skin beneath his fingertips as they traveled across it. To have the heat of her breath wash over his bare flesh, lips following in the wake of that warmth in the tenderest of kisses. He wanted her nose tucked into the crook of his neck, her arms tightly woven around him, her fingers pulling through his hair. It made him desire more, so much more.

And that want, that unattainable want, would haunt him for the rest of his days.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

Harmony was what Obi-Wan desperately wished to have again. A harmonious mind that didn't linger on thoughts of passion, didn't desire or want or yearn. A shuddering breath left his mouth at that––his mind was yearning. People always talked about how the heart always wanted, it always yearned; no one ever spoke about the fact the mind did, too. Stars, did it want to. Never before had Obi-Wan felt the desperate need to connect with someone so badly. Because the mind was a beautiful thing; and it was terribly unfair that Elara's was so gorgeous. It saw beauty in the smallest things, developed quick witted responses, could soothe tension with a few carefully picked words. The harmonious marriage of minds was something he, in fact, yearned for. That his mind wanted for. What a shame that, in the span of a single day, the potential for it had been eradicated, blasted into a chaotic spin.

There is no death, there is the Force.

Death was not something Obi-Wan feared for himself. It would come for him one day, and he'd come to accept that. But despite all he'd been taught, all he'd been trained to believe and think… he still feared the deaths of those he cared for. The memory of Qui-Gon dying in his arms haunted him. It lingered in the dark corners of rooms, followed him on cold breezes. It was the most broken he'd ever felt in his life, the most helpless. If he was forced to watch someone he loved die again, he wasn't sure what would become of him. If he had to watch Anakin die, if he had to watch Elara… His heart shuddered and seized at the thought. It was the last thing he wanted. To cradle them, cradle her, as eyelids drooped and muscles went slack. Death was still very final, even if you become one with the Force in its wake.

Having reached the end of the list of precepts, Obi-Wan was loath to realize he felt no better than he had been prior to starting the recitation. So he looped back around to the one precept that should help him work through this, help settle this situation. And he repeated it over and over again, with valiant determination.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no passion.

There is no passion.

There is no passion.

OOOO

Over the skies of Coruscant, one could vividly see where day met night. The sunny, warm skies of daytime bled into the cool sweep of night, creating a unique, dusky mauve. It was the kind of color that no words could describe. That no description could do justice. It was so indefinable it made you speechless. And it was there, in that purplish hue, that Elara felt she now resided. The indescribable in-between. Where cool met warm, light met dark, and pleasure met pain. It was both sweet and bitter. For as beautiful as it was, it was also torturous in its duality. It drove her to distraction, had her thinking of nothing but that duskiness. Because she wanted to understand where she was, what she was experiencing––but there was no measure of it. Instead, Elara was left to float there, caught between bliss and distress.

Elara gazed up at that sky, against which the Uneti tree was silhouetted. Once again she found herself sat on the shallow steps that faced it, seeking its calming energy. It had done something to assist in soothing her frayed nerves, but it wasn't enough to assuage her anxiety entirely. With eyes turned up at that transition point between rich indigo and sunny gold, she couldn't help but sigh. Elara didn't know what she was caught between. Duty and want? Responsibility and ruin? Love and loneliness? She wished it was as easy as naming colors––indigo, mauve, gold––but it wasn't. She was caught in the in-between with no foreseeable way out. And all because of a kiss.

A kiss.

In the moments that Elara had dared let herself day-dream about being kissed, never would she have described it as it had happened. The intoxicating drag of Obi-Wan's lips against her own. The heady smell of him, the press of bodies longing to entwine. The burning, quiet passion of it, the strange thrill of the tabooness of it. In her day-dreams, the aftermath was nothing short of blissful; this was anything but that. It was tense and fragile and chilly. Because it wasn't just a kiss––it was so much more. A confession, wordless and desperate. The emotion of it is what made it taboo, the depth of that emotion made it dangerous. They were Jedi. There was no looking past that. Attachments were forbidden, and there was no denying that what had formed, amongst other things, was an attachment. The acknowledgement of that was both relieving and frightening, because it had thrust her––thrust them into this unfamiliar terrain.

Elara and Obi-Wan now lived in a strange, unspoken liminality. One where both had opted to avoid the other in order to wallow in their shared confusion. They opted to chase each other like day and night, only ever meeting for a brief moment in that purplish swath in the sky. A moment so beautiful, but so devastatingly fleeting. But unlike the sky, unlike the transition from day to night, they were inconstant. They couldn't avoid one another forever, not even in the sizable space of the Jedi Temple. This was unavoidable; the only question was when the confrontation would take place.

"Mind if I join you?"

The sound of her brother's warm tenor had Elara turning a glance over her shoulder. He strode towards her across the steadily darkening courtyard, a gentle smile playing across his face. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards, and her chin bobbed. She tilted her head back, then, and returned her attention to the sky. For as beautiful as Coruscant was, she did miss seeing the stars. The sight of them, hung gently in the sky, had always been calming to her. Being an ecumenopolis, the light pollution didn't afford such a sight. One of the precious few draws of Tatooine––if you could even call them draws––was the clearness with which the blanket of the galaxy could be seen overhead. But, still, the sky above Coruscant was beautiful––indigo, mauve, gold.

There was a scuffle of boot against step as Anakin descended them. He plopped himself down beside her, close enough for their shoulders to touch. The pauldrons that usually bulked up his frame were gone, as was his gorget. He looked younger without them. It made his scar stand out more to Elara, the still fresh, rosy-pink tissue glowing in the dying light of the sun.

"Nice evening," Anakin commented. He craned his head back to survey the swath of colors above them. "Pretty sky."

"Mm," Elara agreed. A cool breeze swept across the quiet courtyard, which then filled with the soft rustle of the Uneti's leaves. There was a bit of a bite to the air, but it wasn't terribly unpleasant. "Bit chilly."

Anakin shrugged, his shoulder brushing against hers as it rose and fell. "Not that bad." After a quiet moment, he rocked sideways and leaned his weight against her for a moment. "What's wrong?"

The question caused Elara's chest to tighten. For as much as she loved Anakin, trusted him––this was not something she could divulge to him. And that hurt, more than any blaster wound she'd ever sustained. More than the ache of her bruised knees. Because not telling him would mean lying to him, and that was something she'd never liked doing. When they were younger, what small lies she told were for his benefit. They downplayed the seriousness of working for Gardulla, or how truly heartbroken their lot made her. But, ultimately, she often told him the truth. Never fed him lies or kept many secrets. But this… this was something he could not know about for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost, Elara feared what his reaction would be. Because it wasn't as though she'd fallen in love with just anyone; she'd fallen for Obi-Wan, his teacher, mentor, friend, confidant. She didn't think that he'd go to the Council with the matter––their long standing issues with one another was enough to stay that. What she truly feared, what truly scared her was the thought that this information would, potentially, crack a rift between them.

"I'm just… a little out of it, is all. Ryloth really took it out of me." It wasn't a lie, necessarily. The events that took place on Ryloth––all of the events––had sapped her energy.

"Elara." Her name tripped off the tip of Anakin's tongue softly but firmly. When she dropped her attention from the sky and down to him, he was staring at her pointedly. Lips pressed in a firm line, gaze intent, brows gently lifted. "I know that it's something more than that; that it's been something more than that. I can feel it. Remember? You and I, we feel these things, feel what the other does. At first I thought you were just having an off day, but… it's been weeks. And now, it feels… different. Worse." He reached out and scooped one of her hands out of her lap. He squeezed it with his mechanized fingers, and a frown played at the corners of his mouth. "I'm worried."

The admission was quiet, barely spoken. It was boyish and small. If Elara had though he looked younger without the armor, the way that he'd just spoken only reinforced it. It made her heart shudder. Her gaze dropped to their hands, which rested, clasped, atop her left knee. Of course Anakin would have felt her inner turmoil. If there was anyone who would have sensed it, through all of the wall-building, all of the defenses… it was him. And he'd been feeling it for weeks and had done her the courtesy of giving her privacy, until the worry for her well-being became too much. Elara squeezed his metal joints, which tightened around hers in response. Stars she loved him… At least that kind of love was easy to admit.

But what was she supposed to tell him? Going to tell him?

"Obi-Wan and I had a disagreement," she said. She'd carefully picked the words, and was relieved that it didn't sound stilted or false. Elara shot him a quick flash of a smile. "That's all."

Anakin's expression tightened a little, his frown deepened at the mention of his mentor's name. "What kind of disagreement?"

At least there was a disagreement to speak of, Elara thought. Otherwise, this conversation would corner her fast. None of this was a lie; it just wasn't what plagued her most. Perhaps, if things had happened differently, it would have been what was most bothersome.

"He believes that I acted recklessly whilst on Ryloth."

With a snort, Anakin's lips started to curl into a disbelieving smirk. "He called you reckless? You. Even the risks you do take you calculate beforehand!"

"Unlike you," Elara drawled, unable to help herself. Beside her, Anakin clucked his tongue and bumped her shoulder again. His smirk grew at the playful insult, which oftentimes was more reprimand than joke.

"Hey." The curl of his lips lingered a moment before it started to fade. "That all? Doesn't really… seem like something that'd get you this upset."

With a slow sigh, Elara glanced back up at the sky above. The sky was darker, now, more indigo and mauve, with a thin sliver of gold at the horizon. The distant rush of speeder traffic created a gentle hum, which was almost hypnotizing. The air grew cooler the darker it got. Everything felt peaceful, even if Elara's inner life was anything but. Her eyes trailed along the strip of purplish sky thoughtfully; she could feel Anakin's boring into the side of her head. Waiting. Expectant. He knew that the questioning of her recklessness wasn't the root of the issue. And if the Skywalkers were anything, it was stubborn. He wasn't going to let her get away with not telling him something.

"I…" Elara pressed her lips together, searching for the right thing to say, the proper words to use. They started to twist down at the corners. The memory of Obi-Wan's steely look of displeasure flashed to the forefront of her mind. The one he'd pinned her with as he'd helped her to her feet, as he'd snipped at her behind that boulder. His prevailing expression just before it crumbled and broke, before it revealed what had been hidden behind that wall. The one that had swiftly returned after the most vulnerable moment either of them had ever shared. Clearing her throat, Elara hauled her shoulders into a shrug. "I… risked––" she winced a little at the word, "––my own life to save his, and he was… less than pleased that I did so."

Her words were met with silence. No immediate reaction. No snort. No snarky remark. If her hand wasn't still clasped in Anakin's, she might've thought he was gone. Upon looking at him, Elara found that he wasn't looking at her anymore. Instead, he'd angled a grimaced frown down at the steps. She sensed a twinge of discomfort in him, perhaps at the thought of her risking her own life. A heavy sigh dropped from his lips, which remained twisted.

"Well, that's our job, isn't it?" he posed.

"It is. But it was…" Elara trailed off, thinking of all the reasons she'd been given. It was stupid, it was risky, it wasn't her place––all a cover for the real reason. Fear. Fear of her death. That her doing it wasn't wholly selfless, but spurred by her own fear of his death. It was all proof of attachment, a dangerous attachment. But, again, that was not something she could openly admit, openly discuss.

"Risky?" Anakin finished for her, voice sarcastic and flat.

If only it were that simple.

"Yeah. Risky."

Anakin detangled his hand from Elara's, and then moved to drape his arm over her shoulder. His hand gently clasped her bicep, and she listed sideways so she could lean against him. After a moment, her head tiredly dropped to his shoulder, eyelids drooping. She was exhausted. So much so, she didn't even feel it anymore. But she knew that she'd pushed herself past her limits, both physically and emotionally. The last time she'd felt so drained was when she had contracted Sand Fever while working for Watto. And the comfort that just sitting there with her brother offered was a welcomed reprieve. They didn't get much time alone together anymore.

"Obi-Wan was my teacher. He's lectured me on anything and everything I could possibly be lectured on. One time, he sat me down and talked for an hour about the importance of wrapping my robes correctly," Anakin deadpanned. Elara chuckled at the thought of a younger Ani staring, unamused, at a longer haired Obi-Wan as he went on about how to properly tie off a tunic. "But… I think––I believe that he does it because he cares. Especially when he's talking about risk or selflessness. You two are close. He probably just didn't want you to get hurt."

Have you any idea what I would've done if you'd died?

The broken rasp of Obi-Wan's voice cut to the forefront of Elara's mind. It had the smile on her face waning and the ache of her heart growing.

"By the time we get back from Felucia, it'll all have sorted itself out. Promise." Anakin turned and ducked his head to press a kiss to the crown of her own.

What he didn't know, however, was that the situation was vastly more complicated than he knew. A couple days apart wasn't going to fix things automatically. The bickering wouldn't be knocked aside with a flap of the hand. No, this issue would continue to fester until one of them stepped forward boldly and addressed it first. Usually, neither one of them had a problem with confronting conflict head-on. They were negotiators, afterall, it's what they did. But this time felt different. It felt too raw, too personal, like they'd be sticking a finger into an open wound. Elara wasn't even sure what she'd say if she was to bring it up. What her ultimate conclusion of the situation would be.

The confronting of this issue was inevitable. They could not continue to work together as Jedi and not address it. But the inevitability of it buzzed with the same energy that crackled in the air before a battle. Tense. Electric. Gut-pulling. It forced the acknowledgement that, in a moment, in a single, swift moment––everything could be lost. Everything you loved, enjoyed, held dear… could be gone forever.

"When do you leave for Felucia?" Elara asked.

"In the morning," Anakin replied.

"You should get some rest, then." Despite the insistence, she did not lift her head off her brother's shoulder. In the morning he'd be going off to battle again. For as much as she didn't want to think about it, there was always the possibility that he would not return. It made her want to stay there forever.

"I will. Later. It's a nice night." The weight of his head dropped down atop hers. "Don't wanna waste it."

And so it was there that the Skywakers sat, under a liminal sky, and enjoyed a rare moment of peace. The air got cooler and the light started to fade, but still they sat. They weren't afforded these moments much any more. Moments of quiet. Moments of gentleness. Where the war felt thousands of miles off, out of reach, unable to touch them. All of its complications disappeared in the crisp chill of the air. And for a moment––a sweet, blissful moment… everything seemed perfectly uncomplicated.


Quatervois––a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one's life


Afterword: This chapter gave me a tough time. The aftermath of the last chapter for these characters was so great, it actually made it difficult for me to capture exactly what's going on in their heads. What to choose to talk about. How to describe what I was thinking. Boy howdy! But, finally, I got something I was happy with, and I hope y'all enjoyed it!

Also, shout-out to everyone who sent stuff my way when I hit some writer's block yesterday!

Review Replies (buckle in, boyos, this is gonna get long :) )

MsRosePetal: Obi-Wan breaking first was a relatively recent development (within the last year), and it just makes… perfect sense for this couple. And it was a whole lot of fun to write! Also, the kiss "making things complicated in a HUGE BAD way" is a perfect way to describe what's happening, now! As predicted, Obi-Wan has already withdrawn some, and Elara, poor girl, is just… caught in an immense amount of emotional turmoil. Things might be a little torturous for a bit, but, don't fret… sunny skies are on the way! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

ZabuzasGirl: Numa is the cutest! She's got such a little personality and I just love her so, so much! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

RJNorth: The emotional turmoil of last chapter is so, so real! I didn't realize how bad it was till I sat down to write this chapter and realized that they're so confused that it made it difficult to write their thoughts. And I'd always figured that one of Obi-Wan's biggest defense mechanisms is teacher mode. It's him trying to take control of a situation he doesn't know how to deal with; but he was up against Elara, who's self-assured and, as you say––takes no shit. Stubborn as a bull the Skywalkers are. She's no exception xD "Beautiful contradiction" has been something I've used for Obi-Wan a couple of times before, and I just think it's so fitting; I'm glad you like it, too! The 'if you died' part of their confessions has always played a factor in every single iteration of the kiss I've ever written. I felt that, for them, the thing that would shove them over the edge would have to be an extreme. And almost losing the other forever? That's the most extreme of the extremes. I came to the realization that, outwardly, there'd be nothing poetic about the kiss. It would be desperate and scared and adrenaline filled (just like Emily and Steve's ;) ); but the inner life of it would mean so much more. But, ugh, just wait until they can have that slow, beautiful, poetic kiss… it's gonna be so good. We got Anakin admitting he noticed that something was wrong with Elara! Just wait till he starts clocking that things between her and Obi have really changed… poor boy's gonna be so confused. And I cannot wait for the 442nd to start spreading stories of their General being a regular badass. Also, just saying… some ships in the battalion are gonna get some real badass nose-art (RIP to Ani and Obi when they see it). Hope you're truly buckled up for the emotional distress because IT IS HERE. I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Thank you, again, for being there as I stressed over not being able to write the last chapter in peace (that French show, ugh). Can't wait to talk to you soon! Thanks again and may the Force be with you!

bambam411: I'm glad the last chapter boosted your day! And sorry that you nearly woke up your kids––I woke up my cat many a time as I wrote last chapter with all my furious key tapping. I'm so happy you enjoyed the last chapter! Hope you enjoyed this one, too; thanks again!

SarangegaeYo15: The moment, at last! Such a fun chapter to write. I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Thanks again!

highwayblues1: An excellent response for the events of the last chapter! Thanks again; hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Isabelnecessaryonabicycle: I'm glad you're ready for angst, 'cause it's here and it's gonna stay for a little bit. Two Jedi in love can only result in some angst! I really cannot wait to get back to writing flirtatious Obi-Lara content. Angst is good and juicy, but I'm so here for these two fools in love finally getting to banter back-and-forth again. An anime of the exploits of the 442nd would be amazing; the intro? Oh, it'd be killer! If only I could draw or animate xD I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

PotatosGonnaPotate: Yes––yes, I agree with your last review xD That was my brain the whole time I was writing it! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Nerdette92: There's gonna be struggles and war for them, yes… but the snuggles and tea will inevitably come. They just have to work through it all first. I promise there'll be tea dates, though! I think that if we could magically see into Obi-Wan's mind, we'd find that half of the time, his calm, collected countenance is a front for pained concern. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

09sasha: This is the longest slow burn I have EVER written! The second longest, the couple kissed in ch. 32. I took my sweeeeet time with this one, didn't I? I hope you enjoyed Obi's POV! This one I had to meditate on a lot; him finally confronting these thoughts was tricky to navigate. And, OH, I can see Acks and Obi, in a lift or something, and he just casually is like 'so. Let's have a chat.' And Protective!Elara is a fierce Elara––and a fun Elara to write. Also, Blinker and his space-excel sheet is gonna be the next meme I make, because it's just… delightful! I'm glad he's safe too; I love him so, so much! Ani isn't oblivious… he's certainly gonna realize that things are a changing… and that things aren't totally what they seem. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

I-got-zapped: I also really love the Ryloth arc! It is a more under-stated arc, but I think the more you look into it, the more poignant it is. Because you see the abandoned homes, you see what war does to civilians. They lose homes, family members, innocence, livelihoods. A lot of the visuals of the abandoned streets remind me of areas of Okinawa during WWII. I'm huge into uncovering the effects of war that popular media doesn't really cover, and this arc let me do that a bit. And I'm so happy you've been enjoying Elara as a character! And the power struggle she has with herself prevents her from being overpowered, which is why I love that being one of her personal, inner conflicts. And I can't wait to write more Ahsoka and Elara stuff! The angst and pining is real with these two! But when it finally calms down for them… it's gonna be so, so nice. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

monkeybaby: What a relief that it finally happened! But ohhhhh, boy, they're havin' a time about it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

northernfiction: For as much as I deeply wanted their first kiss to be beautiful and gentle and poetic––angsty and desperate seemed to fit much better. After years of pent up emotion? It's somehow better this way! I hope you enjoyed the glimpse into Obi's mind! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

WaywardandWanderlust: Elara's a sleeper hitter! So, so powerful, but so, so humble about it. If she had a choice, she probably wouldn't choose to keep all that power. Doesn't the song make the latter half of the chapter so much more intense? I love me a good soundtrack! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

ObiWanWinchester: I'm sorry your parents thought you died! Sorry that the chapter evoked such a reaction! xD Obi-Wan SURE AS HELL INITIATED! Think of all the things that he'll get to potentially initiate once things even out for them… ;) I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Princess Jaquline Chess: Ahh, thank you so much! Elara finally getting to experience even a hint of romance is really big for her! Her head is still a little frazzled, but next chapter things should have mellowed out enough for her to really think things out. Ack-Ack is so fiercely protective of his General! He will absolutely be giving Obi the side-eye for a while. Order 66, man… the pain… it's gonna be so bad. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Pinnney: I'm so glad that the music crescendoed at the right moment! When I was reading it over, I tried to line it up perfectly to see if it really felt right. And I'm so, so glad to have picked it as their love theme! They really, really need to talk it out; the question is… when will they bite the bullet/get the chance to to do that? Poor Obi-Wan tried so hard to keep it together till the bitter end… little did he know the break was inevitable. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

camelotprincess1: The 'it's happening!' meme is THE meme of last chapter! In the chapters leading up to it, Michael Scott's voice grew louder and louder. The 442nd and the 501st arguing about whose General is better is gonna be so fun to write! She's the sleeper hitter of the Grand Army of the Republic and her men love it. Oooo, what would Obi do if Elara died, an interesting question. I do agree––I don't think he'd go Dark Side. I think he'd go, like… ULTIMATE Jedi. He'd close himself off from all emotion because it hurt so bad. He wouldn't want to have to face those emotions, wouldn't want to be hurt like that again (not that he'd allow himself to even entertain the idea of falling in love again). He'd become reclusive, too, I think. I'm so glad you enjoyed the kiss! I tried to strike the perfect balance between the physical desperateness of it and the inner poetry of the emotion. The clean-up is going to take some time… but not a lot. It can't be dragged out forever because, let's face it––they're not gonna let it be dragged out forever. And protective Ack-Ack has been engaged… :) I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Eomy: Obi-Wan closes himself whenever he's confronted with strong emotion, I feel. So it's going to be really lovely once we start to see that stoicism soften as they accept their feelings. The ending was, indeed, melancholy; but when two Jedi are in love… one can only expect complications. Elara definitely pushed herself in using the Force twice, but now she's got a chance to recover. I'm so glad that you enjoy this story consistently! I love writing it, and I love that someone enjoys reading all the little details I adore writing so much! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Duchess of Lantern Waste: Cue awkward, silently tormented Obi-Lara! Obi-Wan initiating is a huuuuuuge deal! I want to elaborate on his actually initiating it in another chapter. I wanted to in this chapter, but I felt like his mental state wasn't quite ready enough to handle thinking about it. Ack-Ack is a fiercely protective trooper, so we'll see if he pulls through Order 66… I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Vanafindiel: Nothing like a gut-punch of a first kiss! I've thought about doing one-shots of different POVs! Because last chapter in Obi's POV… whooo boy! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Lady Basara: 41 chapters and we've finally made it! Cue the angst that will eventually give way to lovely, lovely fluff. Ack-Ack is definitely gonna have a chat with Obi-Wan… and I cannot wait to write it. And I'm thinking we might get a bit of Padmé next chapter… and if not then, then soon. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

thenerdnextdoor: For two Jedi, that kiss sure was somethin'! Desperate and passionate… can't wait for more of that ;) I had such a delightful time figuring out the minut details of the moment. Figuring out when hands moved, how heated it could get in the moment, what I have to save for other moments… And boy do I have stuff saved up. I love Blinker, but he seemed the most likely to get singled out; and I was very happy to get him safe and sound again! He's a joy to write. And protective Ack-Ack has been engaged! The side-eyes he's gonna be serving… I hope you enjoyed Obi's POV! It was a challenge to write 'cause his brain is so frazzled, but it was fun! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

lolistarkiller: I think Ack-Ack deserves to have an Office-style sitcom where he's just sighing long sufferingly into the camera as Blinker chases Gunney around in the background. It seems like Obi-Wan's gonna try and throw it away again… but is it gonna be successful? And will he come to terms with it all BEFORE he sees Satine again? We shall see… I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

RemiSparlez: First of all, I'm so glad that you enjoyed the breaking point! Writing the kiss was so, so much fun! Secondly, I am beyond extremely flattered that you shared the first chunk of the chapter with someone! This is the story I think I'm most proud of, so it means the world that you would share this with someone, let alone talk about it! Obi-Wan seems to have been able to hold up his walls enough to keep his emotional turmoil hidden… but will he be able to do it for long? I hope you enjoyed the chapter, just as you've enjoyed the rest of the story; thanks again!

themagentacolor: Let me start off by saying an ENORMOUS thank you for your review! It was so thoughtful and detailed, and it absolutely made my night! I was grinning the entire time I read it (which was right before bed), and I cannot thank you enough for putting the time into writing it. I actually fully intend on replying to all 19 of your points, but I'll do that over PM, so keep an eye out for that (probably tomorrow!) Also, I cannot believe you've stuck with this story since the early ––teen chapters! It's grown so much since then (and it went through many an unintentional hiatus), so it means the world that you've stuck with it for so long! And you're absolutely right––the feeling of spontaneously combusting did occur when you said that this story gets you itching to write. Because I love it when I find a story that gets me feeling that way! Please never apologize for essay-length reviews; they give me life! It's genuinely so flattering that you'd take the time to write out something that detailed and thoughtful. Like I said a couple sentences ago, I'm going to respond in kind! Keep your eyes peeled for a PM! Thank you, again, for your marvelous review! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

LoveFiction2021: Thank you, it was cathartic to finally write! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

DCDGojira: Thank you, and thanks for the fic recs! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

MotherAiya: The betting pool… the BETTING POOL. Whenever (if ever) any of the clones of the 442nd find out that Obi-Wan and Elara kissed, Blinker is gonna get RICH. I also hope to have a chapter soon where we address the betting pool and the clones' thoughts on Elara and Obi-Wan's dynamic. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

weasleylover10: Believe me, I was emotional over the last chapter, too! The number of times I just stared at a paragraph and was like 'holy shit we're here now'... I hope you enjoyed this chapter like you did the last! Thanks again!

PrettyRecklessLaura: Thank you! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

PhAnToM 1212: Ahh, thank you so much! Last chapter was a challenge to write, but I am very proud of it. So I'm super glad that you enjoyed it so much! Thanks again; I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Golden Haired Ravenclaw: Obi-Wan and Elara's first kiss was always bound to hurt… but when the hurt gives way to love? Oh, it's gonna be so good. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

Sammiemoosam: Thank you so much! This story is something I'm very proud of, and it makes me endlessly happy that you're enjoying it so much. Last chapter was a challenge, but I loved it. It was a borderline cathartic moment to finally write that kiss; and when I hit points like that, boy do I start to wax poetic. I'm a sucker for things like pulls and pushes (I think that stuck from acting school, honestly), so getting to finally write the culmination of all those pulls… it was wonderful. And thank you for your lovely review! Genuinely, it made me very, very happy. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again! (and ahh, I see there's a fellow Merlin fan here… :) )

amidtheflowers: First of all, I'm very impressed you read all 41 chapters in a day (or, that's at least what I'm gleaning that you did)! I've had so much building up this world, I'm a sucker for world building. The more in-depth and realistic I can make something, I do my damndest to do so! I cannot tell you how much extended media (books and comics and the like) I've got with the express purpose of helping me flesh out this story. And I'm glad you like the Force bond! I wanted to figure out ways to incorporate it realistically. Because while it is strong it's not Dyad-y. And on the list of things I'm a sucker for, good sibling relationships is one of them! I've got two older siblings, so I try to keep Elara and Anakin realistically sibling like with the bickering and the nicknames and the teasing; but keep it loving and showing how close they truly are. This is the longest slow burn I've written! I love getting to write two fools in love pining for one another. I love period dramas/pieces/films, so I'm a sucker for decorum. I went to acting school, so I drew a lot of the body-language stuff from our unit on Regency/Victorian decorum. I'm so glad that you've enjoyed the story thus far! I'm excited that you're excited to see what happens next! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!

ALSO! To a guest reviewer that went by the name Elizabeth a couple chapters back for "Dooku Captured pt. 2"––I just realized your review got bumped to chapter 1 so I never saw it/got the chance to reply to it! I'm so sorry! Thank you, so much, for taking time to drop a review!

And to all that added this to their follows/favorites, thank you! It means a lot!

And that's it for now! I think that we'll probably be diving into "Holocron Heist" next chapter! We might get a little bit of Padmé time, but it all depends on how it all fits together.

Seriously, I cannot thank you all enough for your beyond lovely reviews on the last chapter! It was so wonderful to reach this point in the story and read everyone's reactions to it. We've finally made it y'all! Obi-Lara's gonna kick into full gear soon enough!

Thanks again! Y'all rock!

~Mary