Azula had been one step ahead of the doctors, and two steps ahead of him. Of course she had. Zuko shouldn't have expected anything different.
But he did. He had foolishly believed that she had not realized how the sudden change in their relationship would look like to other people. He had trusted her when she said the doctors were exaggerating, and that she truly thought ignoring their concerns was the best strategy.
You shouldn't test me, brother.
Instead of giving him advice like he had asked them to, Chise and Mayu seemed to have suddenly changed their minds, and now believed he was wise enough to see for himself it there was anything off about his interactions with his sister, and that they should have not tried to meddle in it. Or rather, Azula had somehow managed to convince them to stay out of it and to tell him everything was okay, because she knew he valued their opinion.
The most they did was 'remind' him of 'his' fear that the level of attachment they felt to each other could have a negative effect on Azula's recovery, and then immediately dismissed it.
Chise was just concerned, but I took care of it, Zuzu. Forget about it, she had told him.
But how would he ever be able to forget it? He could still see the panic and discomfort on people's faces whenever Azula was by his side, he could still hear the rumors and everyone's concerns, and he could still feel the doubt about how he should act.
And he could almost feel her. The warmth of her embrace when he'd lie on her bed. Her hands rubbing his shoulders when he was stressed because of all the new responsibilities he had. Her kiss on his cheek getting him completely off guard.
And, worst of all, he could still hear her words - spoken in that low, sweet tone - taunting him and pushing away any rational thought that had ever crossed his mind.
You shouldn't test me. You know better than anyone that I always get what I want.
He could feel that rage only Azula could cause slowly building up inside of him. That all too familiar dread and anger of knowing there was a trap somewhere around, and being forced to walk right into it, despite doing his best to avoid it.
And, to his despair, he was also starting to recognize that particular type of affection he had only felt twice before in his life. First when he had been reunited with Mai on the ship that brought him back to the Fire Nation, then again with Jin, when he and his friends had gone back to Ba Sing Se to make sure the city had not gone back to it's previous abhorrent state.
He should have never let his mind go there. He should have never allowed himself to see her in that light. Not even for a second.
I always get what I want.
And she nearly had. When she started to walk away, his first instinct was to pull her close to him again. It had been as automatic to him as holding her tight after she had a nightmare, and more irresistible than anything else in the world. Zuko had not even realized what he had been about to do until he grabbed her wrist, and was absolutely horrified at himself.
He had not told Chise and Mayu about it. But he couldn't tell if he had omitted it out of shame or because he was trying to get away with thinking about something so wrong.
What would have happened if he not been able to stop in time? How far would they have gone? What would their relationship have been like after that? Would it really be that horrible for him to find out?
Zuko shook his head and threw himself on his bed. The same bed he had shared with his sister whenever he took too long to go to her room. The same bed where she had spent the previous night.
I can't want this. I can't possibly want this.
Then how come he did?
