Chapter 37 – I'm Afraid….
You claim it's not in the cards
And fate is pullin' you miles away
And out of reach from me
But you're here in my heart
So who can stop me if I decide
That you're my destiny?
It turns out losing Chase was not the only massive upheaval in our lives of late. New Autobots had arrived. Jolt, a nature loving prankster that teamed up well with Sideswipe and caused Prime a few headaches and another set of twins – Mudflap and Skids. Two of the silliest, immature, crass and annoying robots in existence. I am sure when Prime sent his message out into the cosmos encouraging those under his command to follow him to Earth, these two were the last Autobots he had hoped would answer the call and yet, here they were.
While I generally got along with well everyone, I had found myself having less and less patience with these two and, as a result, I tried to avoid them when possible. There had been one incident just recently when the two were wrestling around and fighting over something stupid when Mudflap had been thrown against Relda and damaged her, smashing a window.
Everyone in the immediate vicinity had frozen and let out gasps of shock as they all knew how important Relda was to me. Suffice it to say by the time I had finished with them both, Mudflap and Skids had a healthy new respect for me, my car and my powers, and tried to be on their best behaviour around me.
It was also the final week of Summer break and Sam was preparing to head off to college which meant Bee would likely be re-joining us. I was about to head over for a short visit on Prime's suggestion. He had felt it might be good to head off base for a while and catch up with Mikaela, Sam and Bee as he wasn't sure when that might happen again.
At first, I had disagreed with Prime, citing I had too much work to do here and that I was fine. Two days later, after the incident with Relda, I had approached Lennox and Prime and asked if it was possible to take some leave. They were only too happy to approve it, provided I checked in each day. In fact, spying the twins off in the distance, Lennox had indicated he might join me.
As I packed my bags the morning I was due to leave, Optimus hovered outside my room. While he knelt there silently seeming to watch me, I could tell he was brooding over something. ''Penny for your thoughts Prime?'' I had queried.
He had simply blinked his optics and refocused them on me, turning his helm to take me in. ''Sorry OC, I was… elsewhere.''
''I can tell Big Guy!'' I chuckled at the normally attentive Prime's lack of focus. ''What's on your processor? Care to share?'' I didn't want to push him as I had come to learn that that tact can have the opposite effect on Prime. Despite being a wise, noble leader, Prime could also be prone to bouts of oppositional defiance. Though he was very encouraging and supportive of his team and those around him being open and honest about their emotions and feelings, Prime could, and often did, baulk when it came to expressing his own, especially when pressed.
While I still confronted him on various issues if I felt I needed to, I had also learned to go gently with him and allow him to open up to me. Rachet had let me in on this little secret and I had been using it to my great advantage ever since. Prime ex-vented heavily. /Yep, definitely something bothering him/, I thought to myself as I shoved the final belongings into my suitcase.
''In truth OC, I am concerned. I am not sure if you have noticed it or not or if Lennox has spoken to you, but there is a growing distrust towards the Autobots within the government. I feel this is a result of the increased and intense Decepticon activity.'' He blinked his optics again and looked away.
I paused in my packing and looked at Prime. His shoulders seemed slumped and his neck cables seemed taught with tension. A part of me felt like unpacking my bag as I could tell my friend may be in need of some support, but I knew Prime would not allow it. I spoke up, ''And let me guess, this ''sentiment'' seems to be spearheaded by Director Galloway, the National Security advisor to the President, am I right?'' I folded my arms across my chest. This guy was a bit of an arsehole by all accounts, including Prime, though he had used less colourful language.
Prime turned his helm back towards me, tilting it to the side, ''As a matter-of-fact OC, yes, it is. A little while ago Galloway ''requested'' an audience with Lennox, Morshower and myself as to the effectiveness of N.E.S.T and the manner in which we carried out its objectives.'' There was a slightly icy tone to Prime's voice as he spoke and the fact he ''neglected'' to mention Shanghai was not lost to me. Prime continued, ''Galloway has determined, that with the Allspark gone the only thing left for the Decepticons to hunt on Earth is us – the Autobots. He insinuated that the increased Decepticon activity is a direct result of us remaining here.'' Prime's voice had taken on a hard edge to it and I could feel the tension radiating from him. I walked up to him and placed my hand on his pede.
''Hey Big Guy,'' I tried to soothe him, ''Do not for one second buy into what that arsehole is saying or insinuating. He has his head so far up his arse he can likely see what he had for breakfast!''
Prime gave a low chuckle that shook his frame and he turned glowing azure optics towards me. ''An interesting visual OC.''
''Not to mention a fact! Seriously Prime, this dick is just trying to justify his job and has a severe case of paranoia. You and I, Lennox, most people with half a brain in their heads, KNOW there is more to what the Decepticons are up to. Unfortunately, it is a waiting game, and they are the ones moving the chess pieces at present.'' I patted his pede in a comforting gesture.
Prime fixed me with a firm stare. ''OC. He asked me if we would leave peacefully if your Government determined it was in their best interests to terminate our alliance.''
I withdrew my hand in shock, ''I hope you told the bastard to get stuffed!''
Prime sighed, ''Not quite, though I admit I felt like saying something akin to that. After all we have done to help this country and its people, to be treated like the villain was a bitter pill to swallow.'' Prime's optics took on a steely look. ''I told him we would honour his request if that is what they wanted. Though I cautioned him and his President to consider the ramifications of that action if they were wrong in their assumptions.''
A flash of fear jolted through me as though Jolt had just electrified me. /The Autobots – Prime – GONE!/ That feeling in my stomach made itself aware again and I placed my hand there subconsciously to try and still it. ''Prime, you can't seriously be considering leaving here on that arsehole's say so?'' I couldn't keep the angry and hurt tone out of my voice.
''Freedom is the right of every sentient being OC,'' he blinked those mesmerising optics again, a sadness settling in them.
I challenged him, 'So by granting that ''freedom'' to some you would willingly rob others of security, hope and a symbol of protection? Not to mention a sense of friendship and family. Are those rights and emotions not equally as important Prime?'' I don't know why I had suddenly become so argumentative but I'd be damned if I was going to let him think he could abandon the world – ME - to satisfy the whims of narrowminded, paranoid and panicked idiots.
Prime sighed out loud once again and shuttered his optics, ''OC, it is not as simple as that. I do not wish to fight with you, especially just before you leave''. His tone pleaded with me.
I took an equally deep breath and unfolded my arms to allow the ''fight'' to drain out of me. ''It would seem nothing is simple anymore Optimus.'' I gave a wry smile, ''But to me, choosing between abandoning those I love and care for and following orders from a mostly thankless governing body is a no brainer. Thanks for sharing how you feel with me, I appreciate it. I had better get going.'' I turned to grab my bag and head off.
I felt a metal servo reach out to halt my retreat. I stopped in my tracks. ''OC,'' a voice loaded with emotion cut through the distance between us. ''Do not for one moment think I would ever willingly leave you, please.'' I turned to face him and beheld two optics filled with pain, sorrow, and - fear. /What is HE afraid of?/.
I closed my eyes momentarily to try and quell that unsettling feeling running riot in my stomach. I returned Prime's gaze with determination and fierce resolve, ''I will hold you to that Optimus Prime. You just see if I don't.''
He simply gazed back at me, the same emotions at play in him. ''I hope you do OC, I hope you do,'' and he held his servo out for me to climb onto. I complied with his silent request and climbed aboard. In one swift motion Prime had raised me to his chest and was looking down at me, a softness replacing the determined gleam in his optics a moment ago. ''Please take care of yourself when visiting the others. Be alert and make sure you check in each day. We need to know your status and if there are any Decepticons in the area.''
I laughed out loud, ''Sir, yes Sir!'' and I mock saluted.
Prime allowed a smirk to form on his dermas. ''You dare mock a Prime?''
I grinned mischievously. ''Dare? I just DID!'' and I laughed out aloud again.
Prime's optics shone with mirth for a moment before becoming serious. ''I will miss you,'' he said in barely a whisper before more firmly stating, ''you sure you don't want to take Mudflap and Skids with you?'' He raised an optical ridge in silent question.
I burst out laughing, ''Prime, you really are getting good with the jokes now! That would be a hell to the no on that point.'' I patted his chest plates. ''I'll miss you too Big Guy, but I'll see you soon. I'll only be gone for a week. Before you know it, I'll be back here being impertinent to you again,'' and I gave him a wink and then a brief hug in farewell. Prime held me close.
After a moment he brought me away from his chest and lowered me to the ground again. I walked over to grab my bag. As I hefted it off the bed and onto the ground to roll along behind me, trepidation set in. ''Now comes the really crap part, the flight!'' I eyed him again, ''You sure Rachet can't give me any sedatives to knock me out?''
Prime chuckled again, ''OC, you'll be fine. Would you like me to escort you to your ride?''
I smiled in gratitude, ''That would be nice, thanks Prime.''
He stood up and walked outside the hanger as I closed the door to my room. Once outside he transformed and opened his passenger door for me. Using my gift of psychokinesis, I ''moved my suitcase'' inside the cabin and climbed up. We rode in companionable silence for the short trip to Hanger 1 and the awaiting Cargo plane. It worked nicely that there was a flight scheduled to deliver some equipment to one of the other N.E.S.T bases, Edwards Air Force Base back in California, and I was hitching a ride. As we pulled up, I jumped out and turned to grab my suitcase but Prime had transformed and was handing it to me.
''Thanks Prime, appreciate it. I'll see you soon,'' I smiled at him.
''You are welcome OC. Goodbye,'' there was a sad tone to his voice. I turned and started to walk towards the awaiting plane. I felt his optics burning into my back. Just as I was about to reach the plane, that heavy sinking feeling tore into me and threatened to drag me to the ground. Tears welled up in my eyes and I had a flash back to the day I farewelled Chase and I stood in Prime's position. Recalling the moment someone I loved walked away and out of my life forever, my breath hitched in my chest and I turned on my heels and ran back towards him.
Though he looked somewhat confused, he held his servo out ready to catch me as I drew near. I launched myself into his waiting servo and scrambled towards his chest as he brought me up in what was now a familiar action between the two of us. ''OC! Whatever is the matter?'' His deep rumbling voice wrapped me in concern and warmth.
I cried into his chest plates, ''I'M AFRAID!'' I could not contain the feeling any longer.
I heard the gentle questioning in his voice, ''What on Cybertron are you afraid of OC?''
I drew a deep, shaky breath and looked up into those piercing optics of his. ''I… I'm afraid of losing YOU!''
His optics closed slowly, and almost imperceptibly he drew me closer to him in a protective and comforting manner. When he opened his optics a moment later his voice was steady, strong, and certain, ''OC. You will not lose me. Not now, not ever.''
I looked into his optics, into a face that had become so very dear to me. ''That day Prime, that horrible day. I watched Chase and you get on that plane. I felt fear in me. Like something bad was going to happen,'' at this painful memory I erupted into fresh sobs, ''and look what happened! Only one of you came back,'' I tried to gulp in calming breaths of air. ''If I lost you… I… I… can't… I CAN'T lose you too!''
He started to speak, ''OC…''
I continued on, ''Prime! I feel it now. Just as I was about to get on the plane. It hit me again. The other night too on the beach. It is this feeling that something is going to happen, and I CAN'T stop it!'' I clutched at his chest in desperation.
In the distance one of the crew was walking towards us, intent on warning us of the impending take off.
Prime held me close. I could feel his spark thrumming in his chest, a steady and comforting presence. I wanted to wrap myself around it. ''OC,'' Prime's deep voice reverberated against me, ''I wish you had have spoken of this to me sooner so I could have discussed this with you and tried to alleviate your fears.''
The crew member, a short stocky man with thick jet-black hair, had arrived before us and although he looked embarrassed to be interrupting our ''discussion'', he forged ahead with his warning none the less. ''Ahh, wheels are up in 10 minutes Optimus Prime and OC, just letting you know. Can't wait any longer.''
Prime snapped his helm up and bit out a little more tersely than he would normally, ''Thank you. As you can see, we are a little preoccupied at present Staff Sergeant,'' his optics scanned the uniform quickly for a name, ''Worthington. Inform the pilot there may be a short delay as we resolve a matter of great importance.''
''But,'' the Staff Sergeant began to retort. Then he fell silent at the icy glare the Autobot leader was directing his way. ''Sir, yes sir!'' he ground out before and he turned quickly on his heel and jogged back to the plane.
I sighed against Prime's chest. I could not allow my fears, unfounded as they likely were, to cause any issues for Prime. He already had enough to deal with following his admissions in our previous conversation. ''It's okay Prime,'' I wiped at my eyes and nose and stood back from his chest to look into his faceplates.
''OC, if you are not ready to go or would rather stay, that can be arranged, I do not want to see you part in such a state,'' his optics searched mine.
I took a deep breath, ''No. I… I don't know what came over me, I just let my emotions carry me away I guess,'' I ducked my head slightly ashamed.
He placed a digit under my chin and tilted my head to look at him again. ''OC, it is okay to be afraid, it is okay to ''not be okay'' about something, just don't let that feeling control or cripple you and tell someone about it! YOU have been the one to teach me that, now take your own advice!'' His optics held gentle admonition and concern.
I allowed a small smile to spread across my tear-stained face. ''Hmm… fair point. I'm sorry Prime.''
''You have nothing to be sorry for,'' he fixed me with serious stare. ''And you have nothing to concern yourself about OC. I have no intention of going anywhere or leaving you. I will be waiting here for you when you return, you have my word.''
I closed my eyes in silent relief. The word of a Prime was sacred and not to be broken. I exhaled the breath I had been holding and grabbed the digit under my chin, hugging it. ''Thanks Prime, for everything. I don't know what I would do without you,'' though my eyes shone with tears I would not let them fall. It would be okay.
He lowered me to the ground, allowing me to jump off. ''Do not worry yourself about that OC, all will be well. Now, you have a plane to catch. I will see you in a week.''
I smiled at him and waved, ''See ya Prime!'' and I ran back to the awaiting plane and Air Sergeant Worthington who was nervously pacing by the ramp glancing at his watch. ''Sorry Wortho,'' I called out apologetically as I ran up the ramp, ''and thanks!'' He had taken my suitcase in for me while I had been talking with Prime.
''Yeah, yeah OC, just hurry up!'' he spat out as he waved me in.
As I stood at the top of the ramp inside the plane I glanced back at the imposing red and blue figure now standing in the distance. That feeling was still there but not as intense as it had been, it was subsiding, as though Prime had chased it away.
Optimus raised his left arm and waved at me. I returned the gesture. Without thinking I raised my right hand and placed it above my heart and patted it, mimicking that gesture from that night on the beach. In the same moment Optimus did the same – as though we shared the same thought. I burst out laughing, tears of happiness rolling down my cheeks. /Yes Prime – you are most definitely in my heart!/. With that the cargo bay door closed and I made my way to my seat quickly, buckling myself in.
As the plane taxied down the runway and I felt the nervous butterflies kick in, I tried to focus on something else. I closed my eyes and pictured Prime waiting for me, those azure diamonds seeing right through me and into my soul. I grabbed at the ring on my right hand and twisted it around. /Chase… be with me too/.
A calm feeling descended upon me as the plane climbed into the sky and banked towards its destination. With my two ''guys'' looking over me, all would be well. /One week. I'll be back home in one week. I will see you in one week/, the thought repeated in my head, my silent mantra as we winged our way through the clouds.
