Happy New Year, everyone! 2020 was a wild year, but now it's over. Let's hope that 2021 will be better... Or round 2.


I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes, cringe and grammar mistakes.

Chapter 101: I HATE VEGANS (by TVFilthyFrank)

"Hmm... I haven't watched Filthy Frank in a while." Nova said.

"Tell me that you're going to put the life hacks video." Nora said.

"No, I was thinking about the vegans one."

"That's also good." Yang said.

"Vegans?" Pyrrha said.

"He talks about how cringe vegans are."

"How?"

"Let's see!" Nova said.

(The video starts outside, where Frank, dressed as a vegan, I guess, I didn't know that vegans are dressed differently, goes to sit at a table next to someone.)

Vegan: Ain't nothing like a good salad. (The guy didn't hear him) I said ain't nothing like a good salad. (Sits down) Hey. I'm vegan... Did you hear me? Hey. Take them off. I'm vegan. (The guy takes off his headphones)

Guy: Okay.

Vegan: Did you hear me? I said I'm vegan.

Guy: I heard you.

Vegan: Geez... I'M VEGAN!

Guy: Alright.

Vegan: I'M! VEGAN!

They laughed a little.

"That guy is crazy." Jaune said.

"Do vegetarians really act like that?" Ren said.

"No. Vegans act like that." Nova said.

"... Isn't it the same?" Pyrrha said.

"No. Vegans are fanatic vegetarians."

Frank: (at his set) Oh really? Oh, you're vegan? I didn't know that. And I didn't need to know that. Anyone who is loud and outspoken is just a problem in general that we all have to deal with every day.

"So Weiss." Yang said.

"Excuse me? You're very loud." Weiss said.

"But not outspoken."

Frank: And one of the biggest groups of people that won't shut the fuck up. Ah yes. Vegans. Hardcore vegan extremists. Now here's the definition of vegan. A person who does not eat or use animal products.

"I thought that it was only about animals. Does that mean that they don't even drink milk?" Ruby said.

"That's why soy milk exists." Blake said.

"... Why do they torture themselves like that?"

Frank: I swear y'all bring up that shit every time!

(Back to Vegan Frank, who's in a public men's room, kneeling to a guy taking a shit.)

Vegan: Hey. I'm vegan.

"He did not just do that." Weiss said, having a hard time believing this. They all started laughing.

Vegan: (gives him a medal) Can you give me this medal? Because I deserve it.

Guy: (pushes it back) Okay.

"Unbelievable..."

Vegan: Because I'm vegan. You don't appreciate the animals, pal! (They guy is pulling up his pants) Oh shit. (Runs out of the men's room quickly) Comeoncomeoncomeon.

They laugh again.

Frank: I could be talking about... the rape of a child! And you'll still find a way to slip the fact that you're a vegan! (talks to Vegan) Did you hear there was a genocide in the Congo Republic again?

Vegan: I'm vegan.

Frank: Black children, just... sprawl across Africa, dead.

Vegan: I'M VEGAN!

Frank: Okay. Just shut the fuck up, please! I don't want to hear about it anymore! And anyone who eats any kind of meat is a FUCKING murderer!

"I can live with that." Blake said.

"Then I must be a freaking monster." Yang said.

(Back to Vegan, in front of a vending machine.)

Vegan: Why dont they have anything vegan here?! (Turns to the woman next to the machine) Why? (Careless Whisper plays in the background as they look at each other for a bit.) No?

They all laughed.

Frank: Like... veganism is- is not a bad thing. In fact, there are a lot of components in meat that give you cancer. (Like Pink Guy. He's cancer.) And, oh boy, I don't want no cancer. But here's a list of everything that gives you cancer.

"Oh my, those are a lot of things." Pyrrha said. "So many things can give you cancer?"

Frank: Aka, living. Living, gives you cancer.

"You can even get cancer by depression?!" Weiss said.

"You learn something every day." Yang said.

Frank: But it's the ones who go out of their way to make you feel extremely guilty about eating meat. The worst is when they try to share videos with you, about knowing where your food comes from. (shows parts of the video) This is how meat is made. Did you know that?

"I mean, we all know that, it's not something new. But you don't have to show it to us." Blake said.

"I think the bad thing isn't the video, but making us watch it." Ren said.

"I think that just confirms that fast food restaurants are actually using real meat." Yang said.

Frank: Yeah, I- I do. They come from factories and animals die. That's where meat comes from. I'm not a fucking idiot. Do you know what you're... (Dramatic music) actually eating? This is how your meat is actually made. THIS IS THE TRUTH! Y- yeah, I think we all know how food is made! Like it's not like a wizard just zaps meat onto my- my plate. You think I'm a fucking-... (tries to release a burp)

"Did he had to leave that in the video?" Weiss said.

Frank: You think I'm a fucking idiot, huh? You think you're better than me? Or like, images like this that show up on your feed. (Shows image) I died for this. I died for this. Yeah, that's a pig that it turned into bacon. And that's a cow turned into a pretty tasty burger. Your choices have consequences.

"I can live with these consequences." Nora said.

"Watching this just made me hungry. Weird for a Filthy Frank video." Yang said.

Frank: Yeah, they do. And the consequences are... having a delicious fucking meal. Maybe it's just me, but that's a pretty fair trade. I see the- the sacrifice is- is pretty worthy. You know this- this... honestly, you know, that's gonna make a great barbeque. Ain't nothing like a drumstick, you know what I'm sayin'? Much like lions, we eat meat. Except we're fancy enough to season our meat. Except for white people. (Shows cruelty) You're all sick. And you know I'd rather eat that than... shredded up grass in a smoothie.

"Wait, that was real?" Jaune said.

"Who would drink such thing, let alone eat it?" Weiss said.

Frank: Y'all put kale and wheatgrass and everything. And um... I believe that animals have no souls. Y'know, they're just fucking dumb. (Shows dumb creatures) Why look at these fucking animals. You expect... an afterlife... for these mothafuckas?

Some of them laughed.

"Noooooo! Why do you say that?!" Ruby said.

"Not the puppies!"

Frank: Listen, I understand that this is the real fucking world, and animals are sacrificing their free will and their bodies for my eating pleasure. But I blissfully turn a blind eye. Because that's- that's what humans do. And humans are fucking shitty, what... Who- who would've known, watching these kind of... animal gore videos grossed my the fuck out? Yeah, duh! No fucking shit! Did this video of a pig getting ripped in half gross you out? Good. Cause now you know the truth. You just watched gore and you learned nothing. Yeah, McDonald's! Pig paste turned into nuggets! Ew! Disgusting.

"That's gross." Blake said.

"You know, I'm surprised that they talk about McDonald's but they forget that meatloaf exists and for me is more cruel than paste." Yang said.

Frank: Bruh, McDonald's is the fucking bomb! You can make nuggets out of human feces and I'd still eat that. The Big Mac could be... remains of a infant and I would still eat it.

They all laughed a little.

Frank: You know, if McDonald's went public and said " Nuggets are actually 0% chicken, we don't know where the source of the meat is, we don't even know if it's meat. There's hepatitis C in it" I wouldn't be bothered. Not in the slightest.

"I don't know if you know this, but there was a fast food restaurant in Vale that was shut down because they were serving horse meat." Jaune said.

"Horse meat?" Ruby said.

"Really?" Pyrrha said.

"It could've been worse." Blake said.

"Yeah. And you know the worst part? It was really tasty." Jaune said.

"I know." Nova and Weiss said at the same time.

"Weiss, you have eaten horse meat before?" Yang said.

"Weiss, how could you?!" Ruby said.

"I didn't know what it was back then, and it was really tasty, and then I found out that it was a horse!" Weiss said.

"Are you really shocked by that? Rich people eat everything. They could actually be cannibals and no one would know." Nova said.

"Cannibals?! You mean eat other people?!" Ruby said.

"How would you know?" Blake said.

"Because I've been to dinners like that. There are rich clubs that are about eating people. When I find out, I murdered each and every one of them." Nova said.

"(0_0)". That was everyone's reaction.

"What?"

"You've eaten humans?" Ruby said.

"No."

"Are we going to ignore the fact that you committed mass murder?" Weiss said.

"That could also happen to our world?" Jaune said.

"Well, they could eat Faunus. Have you ever wondered that?" Nova said.

"Wait, what?" Blake said.

"Well, don't Atlas company owners have Faunus workers? Maybe when they kick the bucket, instead of burying them, they eat their corpse.". Blake was feeling sick. She was about to throw up.

"I hope this never happen." Weiss said.

"Yet again, I'm talking about stuff that happened like, 200-300 years ago."

Frank: I'm not blind to the truth or misguided. The animal made a sacrifice.

(It cuts to him, eating at McDonald's.)

Frank: Why does God allow this? I'M SORRY GOD! WHY?! I'M SORRY! (People already look at him weird) I'M SORRY GOD!

They all laughed.

(Back at the set)

Frank: I just- I know what's happening and I feel kinda bad. But I still eat the meat.

(Back to Vegan)

Vegan: Hey. See, you gonna give this medal or what? Cause I'm vegan. (The woman goes up the stairs quickly) I'M VEGAN!

They laughed a little.

"Why does he always go around, scaring people?" Pyrrha said.

Frank: Am I evil? Am I realli evil? Well I got something for you, vegans. Did you know plants and vegetables feel distress?

"Really?" Ruby said.

Frank: A number of studies have shown that plants feel pain and vegetables have picked it off and eaten while still alive.

"I guess that plant kid from third year was right. Plants feel pain." Yang said.

Frank: And you know what, vegans? I don't eat vegetables. Yes, my poo is very hard, but I do not eat vegetables because vegetables feel pain. These vegetables... feel distress! They have families! You vegans have been... killing these plants... and vegetables... and how do you think that makes me feel, huh? At least animals get to walk around! Vegetables are roots! They- they can't move! They can't go to a bar! They can't watch their favourite movies, they can't go to the club! Because they're lodged into the ground! And that's sick. That's disgusting.

"This is so sad." Ruby said.

"May I?" Weiss said.

"Yes." Yang said. Weiss then smacked Ruby's head.

"Focus!"

Frank: You're rooting for the wrong team, guys. Animals eat vegetables. And that's not okay. I'm a vegetable rights activist. Potatoes, carrots... broccoli... uh... apples. You name it. Except turnips. Turnips are fucking nasty. Fuck turnips.

"And broccoli too, please." Ruby said.

Frank: And you can't be a faker either. You ain't a real vegetable activist until you- your poo isn't as hard as mine. I have a very hard poo. Sometimes it leaves cuts and I- I'm proud of that.

"Ouch." Jaune said.

Frank: I'm sorry, I'm just so fucking drunk. And that's why, to honor these vegetables and to spread the word, I made this PSA for everyone. Please, I hope you enjoy it, thank you very much.

(PSA)

Dad potato: Hey honey, I'm going to work. I'll be back at 7:00, okay?

Mom potato: B- bu- but babe, it's not safe out here.

They already started giggling.

Dad potato: Babe, babe, relax. You know everything gonna be fine.

Mom potato: I know, I know, I'm just scared. It's not safe out there, honey.

Dad potato: You know I got to fo what I got to do. I have to provide for the family.

Mom potato: (sobs) I know, babe...

Dad potato: You know I love you. And I'll be able to take care of myself. And I'll be fine.

Mom potato: (sobs) I know...

Dad potato: Don't worry about me. Worry about taking care of Carb Jr.

Carb Jr.: Uu, I'm a potato.

Some of them broke into laughter.

Mom potato: Okay... I- I will... (Sobs again)

Dad potato: You know, honey, it's gonna be hard, but I love you too. (Leaves the house) God, I love my wife... Uh, yeah... (Gets into his car) Where are those damn keys? Oh... oh no... (Sees Frank approaching) Oh no... (He grabs the potato) Oh no! Good heavens! Not today, God, not today! Please! (Frank grabs him and eats him. The potato starts screaming and bleeding.) CARB! CARB JR.! CARB! (Frank keeps eating him.) I FEEL PAIN...!

(End of PSA)

They all laughed.

"I didn't expect it to get so violent!" Pyrrha said.

"So much blood! Why can't they make PSAs like that?" Nora said.

"I'm surprised by the fact that he ate it like that. Who eats raw potatoes?" Weiss said.

"The guy ate worse. That's nothing." Yang said.

Frank: PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW! Also another thing: fish don't feel pain. It's just instinct. The researchers conclude that fish do not have the neuropsychological capacity for a conscious awareness of pain. So bro, that sashimi is on me, fam.

"Great. Now I won't feel guilt." Blake said.

Frank: So basically, all those lovable characters in The Little Mermaid, they had no fucking soul. Poor Ariel, bruh, all her friends had no soul. Just darkness.

"Basically Kingdom Hearts." Ruby said.

Frank: Let's just say, if I found Ariel, naked on the beach, the- the story would have been a lot different. It would have been a lot darker (loses it). Overall, that I don't got no problem with it. Just don't be in my face about it, okay? So I hope we're cool. (Pink Guy comes into the room)

Some of them laughed.

"He starts dancing and I can't stop laughing." Yang said.

Frank: Get out, Pink Guy! I'm making a vaideo!

Pink Guy: Vegan da dayo!

Frank: What? I thought my points were pretty valid and I worded everything pretty well.

"But the presentation insulting." Blake said.

Pink Guy: (being Pink Guy)

Frank: Oh man, fuck, shit! Quick, grab everything. We gotta go now, ASAP.

(He goes to the Vegan Protection Chamber)

"He has and a vegan protection chamber?" Ruby said.

Frank: This is a code red. This is a code red, the vegans are coming! (To the control panel) Can anybody hear me?! Can anybody hear me at all? Anybody? The vegans are coming and I need help right now! Please! PLEASE! (Looks behind) Oh no! (The vegans are here.)

"What the fuck?" Yang said.

"That's a powerful threat." Nora said.

Veggie Cunt: Don't forget to eat your veggies!

Frank: Well... we're fucked.

Veggie Cunt: A little birdie told me that you... were making fun of the vegans.

Frank: No! No!

Veggie Cunt: Not cool, man. Not coooooooo-

Frank: Punk Guy, do something! Help!

Pink Guy: (scared) No!

They all laughed.

"Pink Guy, why?!" Ruby said.

Veggie Cunt: You are killing the animals.

Frank: I- I think we all know that animals die, that's not a... that's not a myth.

(Veggie Cunt starts throwing vegetables at Frank.)

Frank: (Gets hit, but it sucks because there's no budget) No... no...

They all laughed again.

"Such great acting." Nora said.

"What debt? There wasn't a budget in the first place. How much do they have, negative?" Weiss said.

(Veggie Cunt throws something at him.)

Veggie Cunt: EAT IT!

Frank: A vegan... chicken sandwich?

"I don't understand, if there's no chicken, then why is it called a chicken sandwich?" Nora said.

"Tofu chicken." Ren said.

Frank: Well I guess it wouldn't hurt to try... a vegan chicken sandwich, right? (Opens the wrapping and takes a bite.) Hey... that's actually pretty good.

"Freaking idubbbz." Yang said.

Veggie Cunt: It's pretty good, right?

Frank: I gotta say, man... you really changed my mind. I think I'm gonna get more of these chicken vegan sandwiches. How much were they?

Veggie Cunt: 19 dollars.

"That expensive?!" Pyrrha said.

Frank: Ohhh. (Gives the middle finger like "fuck that shit")

It's Filthy Frank, mothafucka!

It's Filthy Frank, bitch!

Let's get some pusi tonight.

(After outro scene)

Veggie Cunt: I know your secret. You're not the real Frank.

Fake Frank: You're trippin', dog, you're trippin'.

"Fake?" Jaune said.

Veggie Cunt: That's why you don't want the Peace Lords to find out!

Fake Frank: There will be a war.

"... What was that?" Weiss said.

"It has a secret lore too?" Ren said.

"The videos befire the Chin Chin fight." Nova said.

"And they say JoJo is the best anime." Nora said.

"Yeah, take that back now." Yang said.

And done! Like, follow, leave a review AND NOT A REQUEST, send me a PM if you want and READ THE NOVA FORCE. See you soon!