A/N: This chapter gets a little emotional regarding a little insight from Mac's past. I don't own any rights to the characters or movie referenced within, but Tom Hanks is still one of my favorite actors. Didn't you just love watching him jump on the keys of a piano in the middle of a department store? Nope, that is not the movie, but still a good one.
Even though neither were paying too much attention to the movie they watched that evening, a certain part of it really seemed to bother Mac. He was lightly kneading her shoulders, and all of a sudden she went rigid, but then relaxed back into his hands like nothing had happened. At first, Harm thought it was the fact that the protagonist was stranded on the island alone for so long and she was scared of being that lonely again. However, when he squeezed her tight and let her know he was never leaving her again, it didn't seem to settle her as much as he wanted it to, so he rationalized that it had to be something else. He wasn't going to push her to talk about anything right then, she would clue him in when she was ready.
His follow appointment with the neurologist is tomorrow. They are lying in bed when Mac interlaces her fingers with Harm's, and rests her head across his bare chest. She quietly asks, "Harm, did you ever have an imaginary friend?"
Harm strokes her hair, thinking about Wilson from the movie earlier tonight. The only person or thing that Chuck could talk to for years. Seeking clarification that he is on the right track, he responds, "You mean when I was a kid? I might have, but if I did it was before my Dad was listed MIA. I honestly don't remember. Why do you ask?"
Sarah's voice gets very soft, almost child-like as she explains, "When I was a little girl, I kept a journal. I first started writing in it on the days I would shut myself in the closet when my parents were fighting. I would take a flashlight and write a letter to "Stacey." I didn't know anyone by that name, but I kind of liked it at the time. I would jot down all the things that were going on in my life, thoughts in my head, or anything else I could think of to tune out the chaos that was going on in my house. By the time I was a teenager, I had filled several fabric covered books that all contained letters to this imaginary person. Stacey was the ears or the eyes that I needed to share all my hopes and miseries with even if she could never respond."
Harm listens intently as he runs comforting strokes up and down her back, "Did you ever meet her?"
Mac grows stiff under his caresses and stares at him incredulously.
Harm continues rubbing her back, "I'm not being judgmental here, Sarah. With the visions that you have had in your past, I was just curious if she ever crossed your path."
Mac settles back down against his chest as she softly speaks, "I'm not quite sure. The night of the accident, the night that Eddie died, there was a young woman standing out in the middle of the street. I saw her when I looked out the window when we first crashed. I glanced over to see if Eddie was ok, and when he didn't respond I turned back toward the woman but all I saw was a cloud of smoke. That was the first night I had ever had any kind of abnormal visions and at the time, I chalked it up to my mind conjuring strange things due to the fact that I hit my head on the glass window. However, that same mysterious misty fog has shown up in almost every one of my visions since then. It appeared when I was looking for Chloe, and it was there the night I found you in the middle of the Atlantic. I can't even begin to explain it."
Harm pulls her tightly against him and squeezes, softly speaking, "Maybe she is your guardian angel. Looking out for your welfare and guiding you to help the ones you care about the most."
Mac furrows her brows, "I guess I've never really thought of it that way, but maybe you are right. She's never actually there unless I really need her to be, but even when she is it is just a presence rather than a human form."
Harm kisses the top of her head gently, "When was the last time you wrote her a letter?"
She confesses, "When I was younger, it was the night that Eddie died. I was so angry with her for not being able to save his life and not giving me any guidance on how to deal with his death. I intended to throw all of the journals into the fire when I was drying out up on Red Rock Mesa, but Uncle Matt stopped me. He informed me that I might find myself at a crossroads at some point in my life and that reading through the past might help me take the right path for the future."
Harm is pretty sure he already knows the answer, but decides to ask anyways, "Do you still have the journals?"
She looks up at him with watery eyes, "Yeah, surprisingly I do. I found them in the locked hope chest in my closet right after Mic left to return to Australia. I actually took two of them with me to the Guadacanal, but I couldn't bring myself to even flip the cover until you showed up asking questions that I didn't know the answers to myself. After I pushed you away, I knew that Uncle Matt was right and this was a crossroad that I was going to need help with getting past. I needed to search my inner soul to find the answers I was seeking. I either needed to admit to myself that we were never going to be anything more than best friends and get over my love for you or I was going to have to give it time and see if we could rekindle our feelings and act upon it the next time any opportunity presented itself instead of backing away or pushing you away.
Reading back through my own words as a young girl, I realized that you have all the qualities I dreamed about in my perfect man all those years ago. It wasn't about looks, although you have all of that and a bag of chips too. It was about a man who would be honest, and respect women, and a man who would always do the right thing regardless of what it cost him. Someone almost the complete opposite of my father. Cupping Harm's cheek and staring straight into his blue irises she whispers, "I've loved the man I knew you would become since I was a little girl, even if I hadn't actually met you yet. You are all I ever wanted and more."
Harm turns so that they are facing each other as he leans in and gives her a deep kiss, one that pours his love and his soul into her offering her everything that he is right now and everything they will become…together.
