Chapter 15: Getting to the Starting Line
June 1st. 06:52 PM.
(Dojo. Koubuin House.)
[Native Takeru]
"Ugh!" I take a step back, avoiding Mion's attack."What is it, Takeru? You're not afraid now, are you?"
"Of course not, you dumb pickle!" I raise my sword and go at her.
A downwards slash, she parries it. Mion starts pushing me back again, but I slowly stop attacking, watching her moves. When I think I see an opening, I take a sidestep and send a slash at her wrists. She blocks it and then does a follow up, hitting me in the chest.
"Another victory for Mion." Kazora-san says from the sides. "Shirogane, I believe I told you to stop doing those sidesteps. During a kendo match you must face your opponents frontally."
"I still do, I just dodge her attacks."
"No, you should not. What did I tell you before? Think as if you were fighting on a bridge, you cannot move to the sides in such a case."
"Mmgh…"
"Well, let us proceed. Shion, now you shall spar against Mion. Maya, I'll leave them in your care." Maya-nee nods as the pickles get in position. "Shirogane, come with me to the other end."
I follow him, sighing heavily. I'm totally spent today. My teachers said it was time to give me some tests to see how much I learned in this week. Back in school, I used to think that tests that have a lot of questions were super scary. But today I learned something real nasty. Exams that have only a few questions are way scarier.
They only had three or less questions, and most stuff wasn't like the exercises in the books. I think I didn't do very well in them. And I still can't do well enough in the dojo, Mion and Shion won super fast and move really well too.
Kazora-san stops walking, but doesn't get in the area where we usually practice.
"What is it, Kazora-san?"
"Tsukuyomi-sensei, Shirogane." Again with the narrowed brows, what's with him? "In any case, practice your swings and footwork here for the moment." He hasn't fought with me today yet. He's being kinda weird.
Oh well, whatever. I take a pose and start swinging the wooden sword. When Kazora-san claps, I do one more slash. When he whistles, I switch to another pose and do a different swing. Frontal downwards, frontal upwards, belly slashes, wide slashes. I keep practicing until we reach the Kasumi stance. Putting some force into my heels, I take a step forward and do a downward slash. I take my step back and the next time Kazora-san claps two times, so I do two slashes.
"Haa… Haa… Sei!"
I inhale sharply with my nose as I keep practicing, trying to not break the flow. I can somehow taste my sweat in my mouth, my feet are as upset as a kitty falling into a pool full of water.
"Alright, that is enough."
"Haa… Phew… So how was today's training, Kazora-san?"
"…You simply refuse to refer to me as you should." He shakes his head, folding his arms. "Also, your footwork is still formless. Even when you reach a steady pace, your feet refuse to focus on a trail."
"…I don't get it. What's up with my feet?"
"As I said, you should try to fight as if you were fighting on a bridge, however your movements are… odd. It's as if… you were wobbling. Instead of being quiet in position, why must you sway from left to right?" He puts a hand on his chin, his brows as narrow as if he were cutting onions.
"…What do you mean, why? I can't dodge if I don't move. How can I make good attacks if I only attack from the front?"
"Sigh… Shirogane, you should not take this approach. It is one thing to aim at your adversaries' sides, and another entirely to move sideways during a duel. Before advancing further, you have to master the basics."
"But in the mangas the samurais don't always have to face their enemies in a bridge. What if I have to fight one day?"
"While it is true that in a real fight you have to avoid your adversaries attacks, you must first polish your form."
"But why can't I keep moving like this if in the end I'll have to do that?"
"Sigh… You should stop talking back. This is the most proper way to learn, if you don't master the basics you will never progress further than that." He folds his arms, nodding to himself.
"…Fine, I'll try to stop moving like that."
"Now, do remember to keep your poise. It is understandable that you would be upset, however you must-"
"Not get angry. I know, Kazora-san." He again shakes his head.
"Then, let the teachings show in your actions Shirogane. It is high time you start behaving in a manner befitting of the Royal Guard you desire to become." I don't really get why he insists so much, but I nod and then he makes a small smile. "Well then, let's see… It seems that duel is over with."
The pickles had finished their duel, Mion was smiling while Shion puffed a cheek as they took off their headgear. So Mion won this time, huh?
"All right you three, that shall be all for today." Kazora-san said. "Us two shall remain here for some more moments." They then gave him a bow, Maya-nee looking straight at me.
"…Very well. Please do not be late for dinner, Father." Kazora-san furrowed his brows, closing his eyes. "Shion, Mion, let us go to the changing room."
"Shirogane, we should also."
We all went to our changing rooms. Getting back into my comfy clothes, I joked with Mion once I got out, making Shion frown and say it was the last time she was gonna lose. I waved at the pickles as they left, Shion still pouting. Maya-nee nodded at me before closing the door.
"Shirogane, seiza." Kazora-san said, pointing in front of him as he sat down in the middle of the dojo. I sit in the way he taught me to, and look at him as he caresses the top of of his head for a while. "Well… It has been a week since you started living here."
"Yeah… Are you going to give me a test too?"
"…One could call it that, yes." Hauu… Don't tell me it has just a few questions too. He then looked at me, resting his hands on his knees. "Shirogane, I am sure you already know what I am going to say."
"…That I'm not good enough." I puff a cheek and look away.
"Indeed. I know Yohime-sama would not agree with me, however I believe it would be better not only for you, but for the rest as well if you accepted your limitations." He said, twirling his beard.
"What do you mean, the rest? I'm not being bad, I'm not giving Maya-nee or the pickles any trouble!"
"I know you have been behaving well these last days, but that is not what I am talking about. As a father and uncle, I simply cannot let this matter rest." He folded his arms, looking straight at me. "Allow me to cut to the chase. Shirogane, I suppose you are fond of Maya, Shion and Mion?"
"Yeah! I love them all."
"Love, is it?" He squinted his eyes really hard for a second before going back to normal. "Then, have you ever thought what would happen if you were to leave?"
"Huh? Leave? Am I… going away?" I feel a shiver down my back but Kazora-san raises a hand and waves it.
"Nothing of the sort. However, if you were to not be chosen to be on the Guard, being placed away from them… You would miss them, would you not?" He says as he looks down, again playing with his beard.
"…Yeah." I lower my head a bit, holding my hands near my chest. "That would be really sad. But…" I frown, puff my cheeks and look up again. "But I will become a samurai!"
"Royal Guard, Shirogane. Sigh… However, I simply cannot wait for that to happen, even less considering your… lower than average performance."
"…I am getting better."
"Indeed, but not fast enough. And as you said, were you to fail, my daughters will be truly sad indeed to not be able to share their time with you." He closes his eyes and breathes with his nose, then looks at me again without the scary eyes. "I do want you to know that I truly am thankful to you, for keeping Shion and Mion company and aiding them in their relationship all this time."
"So… you don't hate me?"
"As I've said in the past, I do not. I admit your presence did help Shion and Mion stop clashing with each other as they did before, as both Maya and Mana said."
"…They're still bickering all the time, though. Especially over the sweets."
"Well, yes, that is true." He then smiled and chuckled for a little while. "However, they're no longer as cold as they were when you first met them, are they?" Hmm… I nod as I fold my arms. They were kinda mean back then. "And precisely because of that, you need to give up on this dream of yours."
"Huh?! What has that to do with anything?"
"…More than what you think. Simply put, if you were to be put in another role, you wouldn't be able to meet them as often as you do now. And I believe… they will suffer your absence much." He winced and looked up. "The same goes for Maya, of course. I believe it best for you to slowly take some distance from them and-"
"No!"
"Shirogane, it is rude to-"
"No! I'm not… I'm not going away. They… They said we would be like family if I pass these tests. Why do you want me to go away if you don't hate me?"
"…Do you truly love them as if they were your family?"
"Yeah! Maya-nee has been with me for a really long time, and the pickles are also really good friends. Why do you want me to go away? Are you going to start screaming at me like when you came to my house?" I frown at him but he sighs, ruffling his hair.
I don't get it… He was so scary that day, but now he isn't even raising his voice. I thought he was angry with me again, since he didn't even bother to duel me today. Why, then? Why does he want me gone? I gulp as I wait for him to answer, feeling my breathing come in and out and my heart beating really fast.
"If you truly do love them, then think of how they will take your absence or your failure. I know you are but a child, but try to see the impact your words and actions have on others."
"Eh?"
The impact… on others… For some reason, that word made my heart feel as if it was poked by a needle. My neck got all tight and I could feel a lot of ants walking on my back again. …I don't like that phrase.
"Shirogane?"
"I… don't like that word."
"Hm? It is the truth, however." He points a finger upwards, his tone getting slow but still serious. "They will be truly saddened to part ways with you, as you will be too, no doubt. And that will affect their daily performance, I am sure. However, before you retort as you always do, it is not only a matter of results."
"What do you mean? I've been doing my best, now what do I have to do?"
"…You still do not follow our rules as you should." He folded his arms again. "You do not refer to me as you should, do not speak as you should, and do not conduct yourself as you should during dinner, to give you some examples. It's as if you were a stranger in the house."
…So he does think I'm a stranger. Just like when we met Arisa, am I that… different?
"That is why, perhaps, you should turn back before you and the rest end up suffering unnecessarily for this."
"Why… Why don't you believe in me? I can… I can be polite when I have to!"
"It is not about 'when' but about 'always' being polite. Maya has been sighing much lately, ever since you were made to live here. Care to guess why that happens?"
"Is it… my fault?" He nods slowly. "But I've… I've been good! I didn't fight or break anything!"
"That is a very low standard, if we can even call it that." He ruffled his hair and shook his head as Maya-nee sometimes does. "If you wish to be one of us, you have to act in image of our own ways. And it is clear from the last meeting you made yourself part of that… you truly favor a more relaxed way of being. A Royal Guard must be polite and proper, and since you seem to not be able to even show some manners in your usual stance, people will continue to see you as a stranger."
"Really? But… But I tried my best… I even called Arisa with the -san, even when she isn't an adult."
"And I admit you did very well, truth be told. Both in front of Hikami-san and in your interactions with his daughter. I was sure you were going to insist on them calling you by your name as rudely as you usually do."
"Then, why do you want me to give up?" I narrow my brows a bit, pursing my lips.
"Because you need to always be polite, otherwise we must always be on the lookout to see whether you are getting yourself into trouble. You do not wish to burden Maya or Yohime-sama any more, do you?" I nod, looking down. "If you truly dislike being forced to use such manners, if you are beginning to feel overwhelmed in the dojo or in your tests… Perhaps it would be for the best for you to be given a common role, where you won't need to shoulder as many burdens as you're asked to as of now."
"But I won't be able to stay with Maya-nee."
"…And if you keep clinging to them, you will only make the separation all the harder on all of you." He nods, sighing as heavily as one of the bags we used to bring from the super on the days with discounts. He's usually so fiery and scary, but he seems kinda calm. Almost sad, going by how slowly he's twirling his beard now.
"Why do you keep saying that? Why don't you want me here, Kazora-san?"
"Tsukuyomi-sensei." He narrows his eyes, I frown, he sighs. "Do you truly claim to… love Maya and the other two?"
"Yes!"
"Then… Why do you refuse to listen to what we tell you? Why do you not act as politely as you're told to? Why do you not refer to me as I've been telling you to?"
"I mean… It's bothersome."
"See? You're not made to walk this path if that is your answer."
"Why? If I have to stay here, that means you're part of my family too, right?"
"Huh? Me as well?"
"Yeah, I mean you're Maya-nee's and Shion's dad, so if I join that thing of the Tsukuyomi family, you're gonna be part of my family too. And you don't call your family by the last name." I coil my fists and wave them up and down, he simply remains looking at me.
"Why do you not listen to my words, then?"
"I do, I try to not talk back so much, and I don't call the pickles that in front of you while we practice." I puff my chest, since I have been trying to not be bad.
I might not like Kazora-san much, but I don't hate him. I am kinda scared of him, and I don't like it when he argues with Maya-nee, but I don't want him gone and I don't want to have to scream at him like that day again. I mean, it would make Maya-nee and the pickles sad. So, I can't do that.
"I see." He then remains looking at me in silence for a second. "However, there is one last question you should answer."
"What is it?"
"Are you happy as of now, Shirogane?"
"…Happy?"
"Yes. Does this week's activities seem like the kind of work you would like to do for the rest of your life?"
"Of course not. But this is only until I get smart enough to-"
"That's wrong. The road never ends, and those of us who join the Royal Guard must always try to remain in top form. In a way, you could say that the 'scary tests' will never stop coming your way if you join us."
"Eh?! Like, how often will I have a test?"
"Sometimes, it could be everyday."
"It's a lie, there's no way that's true! You're just trying to scare me, aren't you?"
"No, I am not." He folds his arms, smiling weirdly as he twists his lips, his voice getting all low and tired as if he were sleepy. "Sometimes work just piles up and you have to stay overnight many days in a row, maybe without sleeping. It is hard to be a Royal Guard, and more so for those of us who have to aid Yohime-sama." Masahide-san did the same face when I asked him, now that I think about it. So, does that mean… that Dad also went through all that?
"B-But… I could learn to be good, right? I can get better with practice."
"You don't have to. No one shall kick you out, you don't need to force yourself."
"Why? You keep saying that over and over again. I don't get it, why don't you believe in me? What am I doing wrong?"
"…It's just… I believe that, perhaps, peasants should remain as they are, enjoying their freedoms. It will do you no good to try to fit in a circle you do not belong in."
"…So you're saying I can't be a samurai? Then, why did Dad became one?"
"It is different. Your father joined us as a black-robbed Royal Guard after he proved his worth elsewhere. Beginning the journey here is a completely different path, and you will not be allowed to quit no matter how much you regret it later. You do not like being so formal, you can't even refer to me as your teacher after all. I think it the best road available to you."
"…I won't give up, Yohime-san said I could try." I gulp loudly and frown back at him. "Why do you keep saying that to me? Do you really hate me?"
"…I am merely worried you might… be bullied by the other… scary people in the schools you will have to go to."
"Eh? Is everybody really that mean? Shion said it wasn't that bad."
"To her, perhaps. But you are your own person. Surely you've noticed how some of the people here look at you." I nod, bringing my arms closer to my body. He sighs again, as hard as Maya-nee has been doing lately. "As I said before, I truly am thankful for your generosity towards both of my daughters. And it is because of that that I am certain they will not take kindly to your struggles or your absence."
"…Is there really no way I can be a samurai? Why are you so sure? I… I really like it here, what do I have to do to stay?"
"You… like being here?"
"Yeah! I can be with Maya-nee and the pickles, I can train everyday, the classes are really hard, sure, but the teachers are nicer than in the school. And I have a lot of fun playing with everyone." I pause for a while, Kazora-san's eyes almost close as he, again, slowly plays with his beard. "I don't wanna leave. Why are you so sure I can't stay? Is it all about how I talk? I can be polite if that's all!"
"Well… It is good to see you're thankful, but that is not all that stands in your way."
"And how do you know that?" I fold my arms, puffing my cheeks. He keeps going in circles, what's with him?
He rubs his forehead, licking over his lips. Letting his hands rest in his lap, he almost closes his eyes and looks up, exhaling loudly.
"Well, you would have to endure the words of those who do not like you."
"…If that's all, I'll just shut up." I didn't like how those other samurais told me I smelled bad, but if that's all… I can try to ignore them, like Sumika always told me to do when those bullies came to bother us.
"That is not all, there is the possibility that you… might truly be happier if you were to continue living as you were before this week. Do you not miss your old friends? Your old routine when you were back in your house?"
…
"…Yes, I do. But… But I wanna… I wanna try until the end. Why are you so sure I won't be happy here, Kazora-san?"
"Well…" Again, he looks to a wall and exhales heavily as if he just finished running. "I have a… friend, you could say, who was very close to a peasant."
"Huh? Close? Were they good friends?"
"…No, they were… a couple."
"Were they family? Then, why do you not want me to stay here if they-"
"No, it isn't… so easy." He winced, saying it as sadly as a small kitty crying on the street.
What's with him? What happened to his friend? He then closes his eyes, folding his arms and continuing to talk slowly, as if he were telling someone a tale before bed.
"You see, the man was appointed to aid some offices in their organization, as a form of overseer, as his very first task as a Royal Guard."
"Like the boss of the place?"
"No, he was an… advisor. He was tasked with improving their teamwork and productivity, since he was a very… result-driven man, well versed in discipline and how to arrange personnel and meetings. I was… ahem, tasked to go along this friend of mine to support him at the time." He nods, looking up. "It was then that we met an inductee, just like your father was."
"A black samurai? Why was he working in an office? Was he fighting someone there?"
"As I said, Royal Guards take many roles within our system. We're not only warriors, after all." Then, why do all the samurais carry a katana with them, if not to fight? I don't get it. "In any case, me and my friend… we became good fellows with this inductee due to his devotion and how he was more than willing to work overtime without complains to deliver a good result. So, when the end of that year came and the office held one last meeting to celebrate as it was customary, said inductee came with someone to the party."
He takes a long breath from his nose, almost closing his eyes and his lips move kinda weird and twist. He lets out another big sigh, and then makes a smile that seemed tired, like a dog after playing a lot during summer.
"The man had come with his sister to the party since it was encouraged to bring someone from one's family to these end of the year meetings, as a sign of one becoming part of the fellowship."
"Is this fellowship the same as joining the family?"
"Well… It is similar but not the same. A fellow is a trusted partner, similar to what you refer to as 'friend'. Do you see the difference?" I nod, he then folds his arms and continues. "As I was saying, I… well, this inductee presented his sister to me and my friend. And he… was mesmerized by her beauty and manner of being. She was truly a sweet and caring person, unlike any other women we had met until then." He takes a pause, I tilt my head as I wait for him to continue. "He then would find any excuse he could to speak of her, until he found out she favored art through a conversation with his brother. Then, he made it a routine to visit certain museums and galleries at times, hoping to find her in the halls."
"And he did, right?" He again smiles as he plays with his beard.
"Indeed. At first, she was most tense around him, but over time they began to be able to speak openly with each other."
"He must have been really happy then." Kazora-san then smiled, not the tired smile but a really happy one, closing his eyes and looking up.
"Yes, he truly… he truly was most joyful during those days." But then, he sighed and looked down as his face got as bitter as Sumika's when we don't understand a book. "They continued to meet each other, until one day she finally agreed to share a cup of tea with him. They became closer to each other over time, comfortable in the other's company."
"I see… Then, did they form a family?" He shakes his head slowly. "Eh? But… What happened?" And, what does this have to do with me?
"You see… My friend's parents did not agree with their union. They insisted to him that it was… foolish to try to form a family with a peasant, that he should aim for another fellow samurai."
"That's horrible! Why would they said something as awful as that?!"
"Because, just like the Tsukuyomi family, they were nobles." He leans back, his tone again all slow and tired. "They need capable people in the family, and she didn't have the academic credentials to even be considered by his parents by more than a second."
"But… Being smart has nothing to do with being a good mom or dad."
"It does, and more than you think."
"But… I mean, I am here trying to be a samurai. I'm sure she was smarter than me. Why didn't she get a chance if I do?" He chuckles for a while, ruffling his hair.
"…Sadly, it was a different time."
"Time? Did he speak with his parents at night or something?"
"No, it isn't a literal phrase. I meant to say that… certain customs have changed over time. Back then, you would not have been allowed to be here as you are now, for example."
"Eh? Why? Because I'm too rude or something?"
"No, because you weren't born on a samurai family. Back then… What you refer to as 'the black samurai' were very rare, and their children were not allowed to so easily follow in their parent's footsteps, even if they were polite and proper."
"That's… really mean. Why couldn't they let them try?"
"Well, it matters not. Now times have changed, but back then those were the rules we lived by." Again with those mean rules… I hate them. "However, my friend… didn't want to give up so easily. He was very stubborn when he desired to achieve something, and also prone to become upset when someone badmouthed those he favored."
"So he was just like Shion."
"W-Well, you could say that." He quickly nodded twice, sounding kinda nervous for some reason. "My friend kept inviting his love to his house for dinner and various meetings, however, many were the ones who did not hide their displeasure towards the motion. Some of his close fellow samurai also criticized his judgment, recommending him to cease in his obstinacy. This made it truly hard on the woman's shoulders, despite also being in love with him."
"Did you help him then?"
"I… I did support his actions at the time." He closes his eyes again, caressing his hair.
"And then? What happened?"
"…The meetings got all the more tense, until one day his father called him out to the gardens and gave him the harshest reprimand he had ever received until that day. Loud enough to be heard from within, they argued heatedly for a moment. His father was merely worried about his image and future, of how other nobles would treat them were they to follow through on their feelings, my friend was… truly adusted at the words his father employed to describe his chosen. They didn't speak with each other for a month after that." Kazora-san's head lowers, closing his eyes really tight.
"That's… so sad. Why didn't his father help him instead?"
"It is… a complicated matter." His voice sounds kinda… drained, empty now. "In any case, my friend and his lover kept attending meetings, but the situation did not improve. Around two months after his argument with his father, my friend was sent to a mountain to finish his training in the art of the sword."
"Is there a special dojo there? Will I go there if I become a samurai?"
"Well, yes, you would have to, whether you agree to it or not." Why would I not want to go there? Is it a scary place? "Anyways, stop interrupting me." He says, back to his scary voice. I nod, he continues. "The last meeting with his chosen before departing was… odd in his eyes. She was truly saddened by the atmosphere that she thought she was causing on the meetings during all that time, and wanted to not give him any further problems. She suggested that… perhaps it would be for the best if they parted ways with each other."
"Eh?! Why?!"
"Because she didn't want him cutting ties with his family because of her. He told her to simply wait, that he would find a way to show his family all her good traits. She… wasn't too convinced it would work, it seems she truly blamed herself to heart." He winces and sighs again, ruffling his hair. "After the training was finished, however… Me and my friend were requisitioned to join a special group, coming from all the Regent Houses." Those were the blue samurais, right?
"Why? Did you get in trouble?"
"No, nothing of the sort. There were some serious matters that needed to be dealt with. All of those of the high Shinpan aiding our Regents were somehow part of this… organization. You do know what TSFs are, I suppose?"
"Oh, yeah! The flying robots of the news. They're so cool, right?!"
"Cool?"
"You know, awesome?"
"…Are you perhaps trying to say impressive?"
"Yeah?"
"I see… Well, all of us had to work together in the fine tuning of it's predecessor before the very first TSF was created."
"Was it also a big robot? Did it fly too?"
"You shall learn of it if you ever join the Guard." Eh?! You can't just not tell me that now! I wanna know! He sends a gaze my way while arching his brows, I pout a bit. "Well, back to what I was telling you… This proved to be a setback for my friend, since he couldn't contact the one he loved for such a long time. However, she also had not sent any letters to him during that time. And once he finally was given some leave time, he went to see her immediately. Between the training and his work, just a bit over half a year had passed without them contacting each other. And when he found her…"
He stops, plucking his lips and folding his arms again, this time kinda tightly. He looks… like Dad whenever we had to go to the hospital.
"…Was she alright?"
"Eh? Yes… She was alright. However… She had… found another." His voice slowed down more and more, his gaze sank a lot.
"Another what?"
"…Another man to love."
"EH?! Why?! But… But she loved your friend, right?"
"…It seems so, yes. And this… is why I believe you should not join the Guard." He looked up at me, squinting his eyes.
"I don't get it. What has that to do with anything? I'm not an adult, I can't form a family yet."
"Sigh… You see, when… when me and my friend found the woman in question, we were in a limo." Kazora-san looks so weird now. He talks so slow, but… somehow it reminds me of how Dad was when he took me to that weird stone that had Mom's name. That same creaky feeling is in his voice. "He then saw her through the window as we were moving. She was shopping with another man he didn't recognize, their arms linked. She was smiling brightly, as she never had done since he tried to formally court her."
"What does 'court' means here? Did he took her to where the attorneys are?"
"No, it's another way of saying how he tried to… marry her."
"I see… But why did the woman do that? Was she lying the whole time?"
"…You see, at the time, my friend thought he had seen a mirage. We then went to her house, where his inductee fellow opened the door. The man reluctantly allowed us to come in and… told my friend that his sister was approached by someone and gave the affirmation." He stops for a second to sigh. "My friend… couldn't believe it. He insisted on waiting for her, to hear it from her own lips."
He inhales deeply, curving his brows downwards as he does. Taking a second, he looks up again.
"When she arrived, she was in the company of that other man. My friend asked her what this was about, why she had betrayed him. She was at a loss of words, my friend asked once more why she had done what she did, she looked away and remained silent." Barely lifting his voice out of his mouth, Kazora-san again ruffles his hair. "The other man tried to defend his wife, as any man would do, and I thought that… it would be for the best for us to leave then, since it was clear whose side she would take. And so, we went outside quickly, followed by his… former love. She tried to say something, but my friend didn't want to listen. Swallowing his tears he… told her that he didn't want to see her ever again and left."
"…This is horrible." I don't get it. Why did the woman do that? Why did she lie? Why did that man say something so cruel? This isn't like what Mom and Dad told me about how they met and lived together, about how you form a family.
"It is what it is. His heart was broken and he didn't want to hear anything else from her. Do you also not get truly upset from time to time with some people, wishing to never see them again?" I nod, scratching an ear. I do hate those three bully girls back at school. "Since then, this animosity reflected in his attitude. This made him… start resenting the peasantry, you see. Many inductees that worked with us left when someone came offering them more money, which only fueled the blazes of distrust that laid in his mind. That lack of appreciation towards what we did for them made me… and him all the more distrustful towards those of common birth."
"…Did you treat Dad badly too?"
"I.. was only as harsh as I am being with you, time has taught me to mend my foolishness, even if it gets the better of me from time to time." He looks down, sighing another time. "Well, eventually, it became second nature for us to assume the worst about an inductee whenever a fault presented itself, to treat those black-robbed within our ranks differently than the rest, bordering on shunning them out entirely. However…"
"But?"
"There was one commoner that remained from their very first team, someone who didn't leave no matter how many offers he received. That woman's brother."
"Oh, so you were still friends with him?"
"No… We grew cold and distant towards him, barely even greeting him." Kazora-san lowers his face, smiling kinda sadly. "My friend didn't want to be reminded of anything related to her for a long time, after all. However, during a meeting after both of them had too many drinks, my friend… asked the man if he could tell him if his sister was happy now."
Kazora-san then breathes in, hiding his eyes as he rubs his brows. His voice getting really creaky, he took a second to continue.
"And the man told him… that she was. She had found a job in one of the art galleries they used to visit, and she had a healthy young girl as well. She had found her happiness, and that… was enough to make my friend let go of the pain. Because if she was joyful… then he also was."
"…This is all so sad… He ended up all alone in the end."
"Well, he wasn't entirely alone. My friend… did find someone who loved him after some years." He relaxes his tone, back to his usual, as he nods.
"But what does this has to do with me?"
"…Everything." He again looks at me in the eye, his voice regaining it's usual serious tone.
"How? I don't get it…" Dad told me I had to be a grown-up before I could form a family, so I can't see what this has to do with my training. He didn't even want to tell me about those old robots, and this is all so sad. It's like those shows Mom always watched on TV, the operas about soap.
"You see Shirogane, this… failed love affair of my friend taught me that there are certain freedoms that the peasants enjoy, matters they take for granted that do not align with our customs. And that the nobility carries burdens and expectations that clash with the commoners' way of life. If my friend had taken that woman as his wife, she would have suffered a life of torment as she pointlessly tried to appease a circle of people that would have never accepted her. The woman had the courage to give up on her love to protect both of their futures, even if that hurt them much at the time."
"…Things could have been different, you don't know what would have happened if she hadn't lied."
"Yes, I do. I've told you we are to work much, and for the good of our nation. Not everyone is made to walk this path. That woman… was truly happier by living as she was, as a normal person without the burdens the samurai carry. Their love would never have worked."
"That's unfair. You can't decide what could have happened without trying."
"Then, what would you have done?" He furrows his brows, lashing at me with his voice as if it were a belt. "If you were placed in such a position, forced to either follow the orders of the Royal Guard or safeguard your loved one from such heavy a burdens, what would you do?
"Both." I pout at his narrowing eyes.
"You cannot do both, Shirogane."
"Why? The samurais are the guardians of the people, right? Why can't I protect someone I like and do what a samurai has to do? I mean, if she didn't want to be a samurai she didn't have to."
"…Such an option does not exist."
"That's not true. Mom was still with Dad even after he became a samurai." I fold my arms and puff a cheek at him.
"And I told you that those times were different. Those of us who belong to a warrior house must answer to the duty placed on our shoulders, and our chosen partners also have to. Therefore… I believe that my friend's former love made the right choice. They would have only suffered if they had continued their relationship."
"…You're horrible to say that. Why didn't you help your friend?!" He winces, kinda biting his lower lip, before letting out another sigh.
"See? Your values… might make you suffer unnecessarily if you continue down this road." He isn't getting angry, his voice is as slow and calm as it was before. "And, just like my friend, my daughters will suffer much once you have to leave to another role, as Mion will do too. You will also be forced to endure many harsh words if you do choose to join us in the Guard, at times undeservedly so."
"…But I won't be alone. I'll be with Shion, Mion and Maya-nee. And Yuuhi is with me, too. Why can't I keep doing my best with them?"
"…Are you certain of this?"
"Yes, I wanna stay here. I mean, do the samurai still not like people who aren't samurais like your friend?"
"Of course we do not, there are however certain matters that are rather… delicate."
"Delicate how?"
"…Sigh, you should know that… bullies can be mean without reason, do you not?" Ah… I nod, furrowing my brows.
"I see… And what about your friend?"
"What about him?"
"You said the woman was happy, but what about him? Is he happy now?" Kazora-san then lowers his eyelids, folding his arms.
"Not as happy as he once was, but he is content with his life." His voice got all creaky again.
"But he ended up all alone…"
"As I said, he eventually found a partner who supported him in his tasks as a samurai, who helped him restrain the blazes of hatred that had made nest within him. He managed to become a proper Royal Guard then, one might say."
"Where is he now? Is he in this house?" Maybe he'll be able to tell me what has this to do with me more clearly.
"Well… My friend isn't here, but I heard that he is training a young boy, however his trainee does not heed his advice and is constantly disrespecting him." He shakes his head, sighing again.
"What's up with that? That guy must be such a jerk, how could he not listen to a samurai? He should be really thankful for getting to train with one." I fold my arms and puff a cheek. Then, for some reason, Kazora-san brought a hand to his forehead. "Kazora-san? Are you feeling well?"
"What manner of sad joke is this?" He shakes his head again, what's up with him? "Ahem… Point being, he also found his own happiness. And since he no longer was arguing with his Father, they could finally make peace. All thanks to the valor of that woman."
"How do you know that? She could have been lying the whole time. I mean, she did leave him alone."
"Simply trust me on this, my friend… now knows how she felt at the time, and that she wasn't entirely at fault." He folded his arms and closed his eyes tight, inhaling really loudly through his nose.
I don't get it. How could she have explained that? Kazora-san opens his eyes and, playing with his beard again, looks my way.
"So, do you truly believe you will not regret joining us? You think yourself able to not react negatively when you go to your new school?" I nod, I just gotta hold back on my punches and shut up. I can do that.
"I won't."
"Then… Will you start making an effort to follow our rules? Even if many utter cruel words towards you?"
"I won't speak back, and I won't shout. I wanna stay with Maya-nee and the rest, so I won't give them trouble. I know… some people here don't like me much, but I won't be mean to them." I remain looking at him, he relaxes his posture and shoulders.
"I suppose that means you are willing to listen, if it'll make Maya and the others happy?" I nod. "Then, I can expect you to start behaving appropriately from now, beginning to obey our orders and speak properly, since you don't wish to burden your… family any more, right Shirogane?"
I gulp. I know I won't be able to start speaking as weird as they do any time soon, and I… well, tend to speak up without even noticing it. I feel a shiver in me as I think about that story he told me. I coil my fists, I know many will be mean to me, just like those mean bullies back in school. Kazora-san must have been testing me all these days, to see if I could be a samurai without making trouble for Maya-nee and Yohime-san.
It's not just about giving up or not, it's about not making trouble. And… he's right, I can't keep making trouble for my new family. They were really nice to let me stay here, so I have to at least try to be better for them.
A few feathers tickle my neck as I remember my life before this week. Yeah, I miss everyone a lot, I would like to sleep until late and not study so hard, but… I wanna try. I can always be given this 'common role', but if I don't try harder I'll never be like Dad. And I don't want to say goodbye to Maya-nee, the pickles, Yuuhi or Yohime-san.
"Yes, I'll start to listen more… Kazora-sensei."
"Is this the best you can do? I told you many times to call me Tsukuyomi-sensei."
"But you're going to be part of my family too, right?"
"Still, you should refer to me as Tsukuyomi-sensei."
"But… That's cold and sad."
"…Well, in any case, do I have your word that you will begin to do as you're told?"
"Yes, I'll do my best to be good. So, um, am I really not getting better here?"
"…You are progressing, however, it is not yet enough to place you on equal footing to your would-be fellows. And as I said, many will be mean to you solely because you do not come from a samurai house. So, you need to be as good as you can to prove them you are one of us indeed."
"Did your friend also had to do something like that? What about Dad?"
"Both of them did have to prove themselves to their peers, indeed. Your father was throughly tested in what he did best, while my friend had to regain his Father's trust after arguing so much. Does Maya not get upset when you make too much trouble for her?"
"…Yeah. Like when I broke a lot of stuff in the backyard." Kazora-san raises a brow at me, then shakes his head.
"Then, you already know what to expect. Regardless, you will need to redouble your efforts and not grow complacent, and once you join us there is no turning back, no matter how much you cry. Are you certain you wish to continue training here, Shirogane?"
"Yes, Kazora-sensei!"
"…You won't refer to me using my surname?" I shake my head, pouting. "Fine, it shall suffice for now. Now, let us go. We do not wish to make Yohime-sama wait."
I nod and we stand up, getting out of the dojo. He walks in front of me, his arms crossed again.
"Kazora-san?"
"What is it?"
"Did… Did other samurai really treat Dad badly too?"
"…Yes, many did not like that a normal person was better than them. They didn't accept him as a fellow samurai so easily."
"I see…"
"I know it might seem cruel in your eyes, so if you-"
"I'm not giving up. And if Dad could ignore them, I will too!" I rise a fist up, nodding. "But, um, is it… really okay for me to train here? I'm not bothering Yohime-san, right?"
"…No, you're no bother. I can see… your generosity to be truthful, so if you're determined to continue down this path, so be it."
"So I can stay?"
"Provided that you overcome your tests, yes. Do remember to not behave badly if you truly wish to become one of us." I nod, feeling another race of ants on my back. He makes a small smile, nodding. "However, you seem to not have fared well on today's exams, and your form still needs work. You already know what to do to stop being a 'stranger' as you called it, so simply focus on that Shirogane."
"Yes, I'll do my best."I nod again, making fists and narrowing my brows.
"I shall ask Mion and Shion to spar seriously with you tomorrow, so that you can see the level you are required to reach to be on par with your fellows. Do be ready for that."
"Eh?! You mean they weren't serious today?"
"By the Emperor, of course not. I'm sure you've seen them fight many times by now, they did not use our stance against you, did they?"
Now that he mentions it… So they were going easy on me, and I still lost so badly. This sucks.
"Use tomorrow's bouts as a glimpse towards what you shall face if you decide to continue down this road. Now, let us make haste. They must be waiting for us already." I nod and we start walking a bit more fast.
