Chapter 37


"It's probably a false alarm, Alessandro. I mean my periods are unreliable at the best of times. I'm sure it will come." I tried not to sound desperate but it was hard to hide the waver in my voice.

Alessandro was pacing across the balcony, the muscles in his body so taut I thought they would at any second explode out of his clothes. He looked like a caged tiger the way he stalked back and forth, running his hands through his hair and breathing deeply. I hadn't seen him this agitated since he'd found out I had family in the Mafia. I stayed put in my seat at the table, toying with my hands that sat clasped in my lap. By now the food had been cleared away in preparation for coffee and grappa. I knew what he was thinking. It was way too soon for us to fall pregnant. The poor man was terrified and seeing him like this pained me, even if his fear was more to do with our reputations. So he possibly got his wife pregnant. So the media would grab onto it and speculate whether it was a shotgun wedding after all. Big whoop. People did it all the time. I ambled to my feet and stood in front of him, stopping his endless pacing.

"Alessandro, stop panicking. I'll get Gloria to buy me a pregnancy test and I'll take it in the morning." I placed a hand on his chest. His heart was thumping so hard I could feel it thrumming through my fingertips. "A baby isn't a bad thing, caro. It's a gift. A manifestation of our love for one another. A life that we created together." And then I chuckled, the well of excitement and wonder only just now hitting me. Was I really pregnant? Were we really going to be parents? "And it's literally the only thing I can give you that you can't just go and purchase."

His expression softened at that, his taut body relaxing into my hold as I pressed up against him and planted a kiss on the base of his throat. He cupped my face with a hand, the small smile tugging at his lips.

"That's not true, bella." He rested a gentle kiss on my lips. "You give me your heart. And I know I can't buy that."


That evening we opted for Netflix and Chill mainly as a way to take our minds off the situation at hand. I sat with my legs draped across Alessandro's lap in his oversized media room - a room that somehow managed to mesh Renaissance elegance with cool technology - and made every attempt at following the plot of the series we were in the process of binge-watching. But I just couldn't. Instead, I studied Alessandro from the corner of my eye. He usually watched our shows with a laptop on his knee - half paying attention and half working - but this evening he just stared into space. In the end I grabbed the remote from his white-knuckled hand and flicked off the TV. The room fell into darkness until I leaned over the side table and switched on the lamp.

Alessandro blinked like he'd just woken up, his eyes adjusting to the sudden onslaught of light. "What is it, Lizzie?"

I stood from the couch and pulled him to his feet, which was no easy task. The man was made of muscle and when he didn't want to move, he didn't move.

"We're driving to the pharmacy and getting a pregnancy test. Now. Tonight."

"Lizzie, it's almost midnight, the stores will be closed by now."

"Then somewhere that's open 24/7. A service station. I don't care."

Even despite my daggy home-clothes and Alessandro's pj bottoms, we headed down to the garage. Alessandro fished a leather jacket from the back of his Aston Martin and held the passenger door open for me.

"Can I drive?" I asked with a hint of playfulness.

"No," he said, all seriousness.

I deflated and flopped into the seat. The car had that new-car smell and I found myself wondering if he'd even managed to take this puppy out for a drive since buying it. It can't have been more than a year old. Alessandro slipped into the seat beside me and started the engine. It was less sporty and more sleek. The drive was so smooth that it was like we were gliding on air. I could only guess that Alessandro wasn't feeling particularly daring or sporty tonight.

"If we had married the right way instead of eloping, would you have been excited by the possibility that I was pregnant then?" I asked after several minutes of silence.

Once again Alessandro snapped from his thoughts. "What makes you think I'm not excited?"

I threw him an incredulous look. "Since when does excited come with worry lines etched into your forehead?"

Alessandro's frown hardened and he gave me a sideways glance. Then the boyish smirk I had been waiting for all evening finally broke through. Could it be that he was going to be a dad?

"My worries are my own, cara. I fear that people will believe our marriage was out of a sense of honour and obligation instead of love. But regarding the idea of you being pregnant with my child, it thrills, scares and excites me all at the same time." He reached for my hand and drew it to his lips for a quick kiss. "I am here for you, no matter what."

"I understand." I smiled.

After trawling the insanity that was Rome city traffic (even at midnight) we eventually found a 24 hour pharmacy only to spend a further several minutes debating which pregnancy test we should buy. In the end, frustrated and tired, Alessandro grabbed one of each brand and we clambered back into the car and headed for home. Half an hour later and I was standing in our en suite staring down a plastic bag full of pregnancy tests. This was it. In a matter of minutes my whole world could be changing. Was I really ready for it? Was I ready to become a mother? How did a woman even know if she was ready for parenthood?

"Take the test, Lizzie." My head snapped around to Alessandro who was standing in the open doorway, leaning on the door post and watching me with the intensity of a wolf.

I shook my head.

Frowning, he straightened. "Why not?"

I swallowed. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard it was any wonder it didn't explode through my rib cage. "Because what if I am pregnant? Then what?"

"Then we will be having a baby and starting a family now instead of later."

"But what about your reputation?"

Alessandro waved a hand. "Let me worry about that."

I nodded, forcing down another swallow that felt like I had sandpaper lodged in my throat. "I'm scared."

Alessandro's frown softened. "Cara, there is no need to be scared."

Closing the distance between us, he fished a pregnancy test from the bag on the sink and popped it from its protective box.

"Now give me your hand," he said. He dropped the small pee-stick into one very clammy palm and closed my fingers over top of it. "I'm here. I will always be here. Now take the test."

He exited the bathroom and closed the door behind him. My brain seemed to work in slow motion as I took the test. Minutes later and Alessandro strode back in to see me watching the stick like a hawk. He froze in the doorway for half a second, as though to try and gauge my reaction before he joined me at my spot sitting on the edge of the bath.

"I'm still waiting for a result." I gestured to the stick still in my hands. "The instructions say it can take a couple of minutes."

"It's been longer than that, give me a look." Alessandro slipped the test from my trembling fingers, eyeing off the tiny window that hadn't changed since I'd peed on the stick. "It's negative, Lizzie."

So. That was it. I wasn't pregnant. The sweet cravings. The sore boobs. They were probably just an indicator that my period was on its way. Nothing more. I slumped against Alessandro and deflated like a balloon with a hole in it. I took in a steady breath. Then another. My eyes felt like they were burning in their sockets. Then the tears started to fall.

"Oh Lizzie." Alessandro wrapped an arm around my shoulder and planted a tender kiss on my forehead. "Cara mia."

I choked on a sob which turned into a chuckle. I had no idea why I was crying, I should have been relieved. I wiped my nose with the back of my sleeve. "At least we'll be able to sleep tonight. We won't be awake all night worrying if I'm pregnant or not."

Alessandro smirked and nodded. "That is true. We know now."

He reached for my chin and turned my head to look at him. His kiss was gentle and comforting, warming me to my very bones. I hiccupped against his mouth and he pulled back to look at me, concern written all over his face.

"Will you be ok, Lizzie?"

"I'll be fine." I said with a nod and a blotchy, teary smile. "I know it's dumb but I was just starting to get excited by the idea of having a little Alessandro pitter-pattering about my legs."

The mental image caused Alessandro to smile. "Would you like to have a baby right now?"

But I shook my head. "As much as I would love one, I'm not ready to start a family yet."

Alessandro nodded and, tugging me onto his lap, he attacked me for another kiss, this one with more fire than the last. My whole body heated, from my mouth where his kiss ravaged me right down to the moisture that started to pool down below. Not once breaking from the kiss, he got to his feet and carried me back into the bedroom where he gently lay me down on the bed. I gave him a lazy smile when he finally came up for air, watching with bated breath as he took his time peeling the leather jacket from his arms. The look he gave me simmered like a mountain hot spring, evoking in me a feeling of warmth. I felt the depth of his love for me. God. He was wonderful. He joined me on the bed again, tugging me into his arms so that he could taste me once again.